CHAPTER 48 PASTS AND FUTURES COLLIDE

CHAPTER 48 – PASTS AND FUTURES COLLIDE

To Kurt’s surprise the days had passed quickly from Monday to Friday and Adam would be arriving any minute. Javi had called once after his first playful and successful attempt at what Kurt had come to describe as “phone tag.” It had been awhile since they’d played this imaginative and sexy game….hopefully, they’d never stop playing it! As always, Javi’s days were busy bordering on frenetic whenever he was doing promotions and making plans for his next tour; everyone wanted to see him now, not tomorrow or the next day, even after he’d made careful plans beforehand. When Javi called again the first thing he’d asked Kurt was if he’d recovered from his flying lesson. He allowed him to have his fun at Kurt’s expense, knowing in the back of his mind that his own sexy and/or romantic fantasy was brewing just waiting for the right time to unleash its delightful revenge. Hmmmm…..leash, unleash? Where had that thought come from?

Otherwise, they had texted throughout the days and evenings when time allowed. The idea of Skyping was a constant topic, but Javi had to find some wiggle room….and he would, he promised. He hated not being able to see his Kurtito.

Adam arrived with two armloads of groceries, asked Kurt to take one and they delivered them to the kitchen counter. The two friends hugged and Adam asked, “So before I get started, are you going to give me the grand tour?” As they wandered from room to room Adam made his comments, especially about the media room; it was like having a recording studio/rec room all in one! They continued to the back of the house where Kurt showed him his bedroom. Adam still didn’t understand the relationship Kurt and Javi had. They’d been a couple now for several months; it was unimaginable to Adam that they didn’t have a sexual relationship, although Kurt had explained that that wasn’t necessarily true. Kurt enjoyed keeping Adam in the dark and Adam knew it wasn’t any of his business anyway, but it was decidedly bizarre to say the least. Kurt didn’t show him the other bedrooms, one was Javi’s and he’d never been in the other two. Unlike most homes in California this one had a basement. He’d never been down there either and didn’t feel comfortable showing it to Adam; after all, it was Javi’s house. Maintaining boundaries was a big deal for Kurt and although Javi had never told him he couldn’t go anywhere in his home, Kurt wasn’t one to assume that meant he could move freely through every nook and cranny. The weight room and mini gym really caught Adam’s attention. Kurt had asked him over several times; Javi was more than willing to share. Adam promised himself he’d take him up on that invitation soon; Kurt certainly had benefited from its use. Back in the kitchen Adam began his preparations for dinner while Kurt unloaded the grocery bags. Kurt decided to put on some music and asked Adam what he’d like to hear. “Well, if you’d ever use that voice of yours to record something, I’d love to hear that; Kurt, that video absolutely blew me away, I’m still thinking about it.” Obviously, Kurt thought, so to distract him he asked, “How about some old Mateo, new Mateo, something else?” Adam had been a fan for a long, long time and Mateo’s new music was obviously different from the old since there was only one original member now and he rarely sang, his guitar playing said it all and more. “How about some new? It’s been a while.”

Kurt sat down at the kitchen table while Adam made himself at home, finding everything he needed like he cooked here all the time. He’d started testing out some of the dishes that were peculiar to San Diego. One of his favorites was TKO fish tacos. He loved being able to use fresh fish and had tried quite a variety, varying the toppings and spices as well. Tonight he was using grilled sea bass, adding some cilantro, chipotle aioli, slaw, spicy guac and onions. Kurt set the table and grabbed some drinks from the fridge, then helped Adam bring the spicy-smelling food to the table. They sat facing each other, passing the dishes back and forth to create their own tacos. Adam had also warmed some fresh tortilla chips and as he handed the basket to Kurt he noticed he had pierced his other ear, and what looked like a blue topaz stud twinkled as the light hit it. “New earring, Kurt? What next, tats?” Adam teased. “It’s a gift from Javi; it’s his birthstone. And he’s wearing an identical one, emerald, my birthstone. And I already have one tat that I regret. I don’t think I’ll be doing that again any time soon.” Adam didn’t take it any further; he knew he’d find out more about what was going on with Kurt these days if he didn’t tease him, although it was so hard not to; however, he didn’t want that one arched eyebrow to appear telling him he’d clearly gone too far.

“So, I guess you’ve talked to Blaine by now,” Adam started, knowing that he had, but not because Kurt had told him. Actually, Javi had! He wanted to make sure that Adam was going to be careful around the subject because even though Kurt didn’t show it on the outside, Javi and Adam both knew from experience that inside was a very different story. Javi hadn’t told him anything except to be the best friend he knew Adam was and to ease into the topic.

“Yeah, we’re meeting at the Lima Bean for brunch. Honestly, I don’t even want to think about it, but I don’t want to have to do this more than once, so I plan on being prepared.” Adam smiled to himself, if Kurt could be prepared for every moment of his life he would be. “And, yes, I’m making notes so….” “Kurt, I wouldn’t expect any less from you; I don’t want you to have to go through this more than once either. When did you talk to him?”

“A couple weeks ago, and we’ve been texting about where and when to meet; I’m glad we finally settled that. Can I ask you something?” “Well, of course! When have I ever not answered your questions, Kurt?” Now Adam was really curious. “Do you know if Blaine and Barry are still together?” Kurt queried. Part of him really didn’t want to know, but the part of him that was feeling uncomfortable with Blaine’s texts did. “Don’t really know! It’s been a very long time since I’ve heard from Barry and I certainly haven’t reached out to him. Why?” Kurt swallowed and complimented Adam’s cooking, then said, “Well, his texts are…I don’t know, kind of weird. He keeps asking questions about San Diego and bringing up memories from high school, never New York though.” Adam put down his taco, “And what do you do with those questions? I mean do you answer them, try to find a way to avoid them, what? I’m pretty sure you haven’t given him any reason to believe that you welcome them.” “Hell, no!” Kurt was adamant. “I stay on topic, maybe give short answers to a couple of questions, and then make an excuse to stop, even if I have to make one up!” “Have you thought of just asking him flat-out what the deal is? You have every right to, ya know!” “Adam, I don’t want to get into it over the phone or in a text. It can wait until we’re face to face. It’s only a couple of weeks away.” “I know I don’t really need to tell you this, Kurt, but I’m your best friend. I can’t stand the idea of you getting hurt again by him. You’ve got a really good thing going here in San Diego and an even better thing going on with Javi as far as I can tell. Please, just be careful.” Kurt nodded; he’d said enough already and he knew Adam was just looking out for him. After dinner was over and the kitchen was in pristine condition, the way Adam always left a kitchen, they wandered into the media room.

It was Friday night, neither of them had to be anywhere on Saturday, so they plopped down on the couch, and talked, some instrumentals playing in the background. When they’d run out of TAS gossip and what was going on with their friends, Adam said, “Now, can I ask you something, Kurt?” “No! You know how I hate it when you ask me questions,” Kurt laughed. “No, really, if you don’t want to answer this you don’t have to, but I’m just curious about where you think you and Javi might be heading? You seem so…content is the only word I can think of…and I know it’s only been a few months, but you both seem very confident about your feelings for each other. And I know you don’t care “what everybody says,” Adam put in air quotes, “but no one can ever remember seeing Javi so happy; I mean, he’s a happy sort of person anyway, but….you know what I’m saying.” “Adam, I know people say this all the time when they’re in love, and we are in love. Honestly I really have never met anyone like him, but as he keeps reminding me we haven’t had our first fight yet. For him, I guess that’s some sort of litmus test for a relationship. And sure it’s bound to happen….if you’re asking do I see this as something long-term….yeah, I do and so does he. Sometimes he’s so honest it’s frightening.”

“Do you guys talk about Antonio much? Yeah, I know he’s been gone for seven years, but again from what I’ve heard they were almost inseparable, like the whole yin and yang thing.” Kurt really tried to hide a smile. “Actually, we talk about Tonio a lot, I almost feel like I know him personally (god bless you, Tonio!, Kurt thought)! I might know almost as much about him as I ever did about Blaine. There are very few things that Javi won’t talk about, except maybe taking me with him to Mexico. It’s a bit of a long story, but basically he’s concerned for my safety. I guess being gay south of the border, especially in certain parts of Mexico, isn’t safe. And yes, he knows all about our experiences in New York, but he had friends that almost died from an attack, and he does know his own country better than I do. It’s one of the reasons he’s not really out in Mexico. He tells me that his celebrity status keeps him relatively safe because the government views him as a commodity, he brings in money. I guess he and Antonio were sort of an open secret. Anyway, so far we have a very good relationship and I trust him….and you know how hard that is for me.” Indeed and with good reason! Adam thought. They continued to talk into the night, about him and Ethan, about what they liked and didn’t like about San Diego and how much they didn’t miss New York, Adam’s plans for the holidays…

Blaine looked at his phone, checking the time. He’d thought about texting Kurt, but he couldn’t think of a plausible reason to do so. They had pretty much made all the arrangements for their Thanksgiving meeting and Kurt was far from stupid, Blaine knew his suspicions had been aroused by some of their texting. He should’ve gone out tonight if for no other reason than to take his mind off of coming home to an empty apartment, but the New York winds had been cold and the day dreary. He didn’t feel much like being around people; on the other hand, he wasn’t really enjoying the solitude either. Maybe tomorrow he’d invite a few of his neighbors over for a Saturday night get-together, or not. Right now he was tired, just plain worn out from trying so hard to figure out what to do with his life. Barry had left months ago with no promises that he’d be back, although most of his stuff was still right here as a reminder of what their lives had become.

Blaine still had several months of school left and Barry was traveling with an off-off Broadway theatre company. It was work, and Barry not only needed the job, he wanted the experience. Sometimes Blaine thought that Barry was actually glad to be able to get away. Sure, they both knew that Barry would graduate before Blaine and the future was uncertain, but getting into long discussions, or any discussions, about the future really wasn’t Barry’s style. Blaine knew that from the very beginning, but back then…..fuck! Why was he doing this again? After about a year when the newness of their relationship had worn off, they’d done nothing but argue…about everything and nothing! They never really said they’d made a mistake in getting together, but it had become more and more obvious that they really didn’t have very much in common…sure the sex was great! But he should have known that you couldn’t base an entire relationship on that. He sighed, he didn’t believe either one of them realized what a mess they’d made of not only their lives, but Kurt’s and Adam’s, until it was way too late for all of them to go backwards.

And when Kurt had called him? All he remembered feeling was…..happy. Just to hear his voice again…he really hadn’t expected Kurt to ever talk to him again, and could he blame him? How had he not realized how much he was losing? He’d allowed all of his insecurities to come between them, he knew. The Kurt he’d loved in Lima was becoming a confident New York Kurt, more perceptive about himself and what he wanted out of life. Even with all of Kurt’s assurances, Blaine was so afraid he was somehow going to lose him. It didn’t take a professional to figure out he’d probably turned to Barry just to prove someone else would want him if Kurt didn’t. It was ridiculous and he knew it. Kurt was still the most loyal, honest, moral person he’d ever met. Kurt had been his best friend as well as his lover. At the very least, he should have been honest with him and broken it off before starting something with Barry. He might have at least salvaged their friendship. And maybe he would have thought twice if he’d done it the right way. Really, what was he thinking? Kurt hadn’t spoken to him in 2 years; he’d moved all the way across the country! That should tell him something, shouldn’t it? He’d almost killed his best friend, emotionally anyway. With any luck, Kurt had already found someone who would treat him the way he deserved. But, when he’d heard that voice?….it was like feeding an addiction. He couldn’t seem to just leave it alone. He was so lonely right now and that only made the feelings harder to ignore. He allowed himself to slip into the past….for just a while…..honest, he promised himself, just a short while…

KLAINE FAN VIDEO – LOVER – TAYLOR SWIFT

KLAINE FAN VIDEO – I SEE THE LIGHT – KLAINE

Blaine opened his eyes, looking around at what his life had become, instead of what it might have been, what it should have been. They’d even started to talk about getting married again, were making wedding plans….why had he thought it would be worth giving up…again? All those years together, even when they broke up, even when they fought, they’d always found their way back to each other. He knew he’d damaged their friendship, their whole relationship, way beyond repair, and yet here he was stupid enough to be daring to hope….hope what? That Kurt would be willing to try again…for a third time? How could he even think of asking that of him? And even if he would consider it, how could Kurt and even Blaine be sure he’d never break his heart again? This was ridiculous. He needed to get his act together. He needed to talk to Barry and find out exactly where they stood. They still texted and talked every couple of weeks. He wanted this settled before he saw Kurt.

Finally! A whole evening of downtime! Belita was out with new friends. She seemed to be settling in quite well. He’d actually had the good fortune of someone wanting to reschedule their dinner plans. He’d already appeared on Imagen Entretenimiento and Ventaneando. He had one more public appearance the following week with the possibility of an additional last minute interview. He took a deep breath and stretched out on the couch enjoying what he hoped would be a few hours of peace. Sleeping, as always on these trips, was almost optional. Sometimes he wondered why after 17 years of this he didn’t hang it all up and spend some time doing nothing for a change; it certainly wasn’t because he couldn’t afford to. But there was something about letting go that just didn’t feel right, at least not yet. Despite all the wear and tear of travel and interviews and everyone’s desire to see his private life on display, he loved what he did! It was his purpose right now; maybe a new purpose would reveal itself, but for now he was exactly where he knew he should be.

He’d had lunch with Rigo earlier in the week. Seven years and all the distance had not damaged their friendship in the slightest. Being part of the original Mateo held them together like some sort of delicate but durable glue. As always, they caught up on happenings with the latest incarnation of Mateo. Even with changes in members over the years, Mateo was still one of the most popular groups in Mexico and Latin America, even having a wide fan base in the US. Rodrigo had married about four years ago and had a son now. He divided his time between LA and Mexico City, the latter being his main territory. Javi felt comfortable confiding in Rigo about his new love and Rigo was almost ecstatic, knowing how long Javi had been waiting to find someone. Rigo knew how close Tonio and Javi had been. He’d never seen a relationship like it. Even when they fought….Rigo used to say the Sun and the Moon existed to complement each other, but when a collision was imminent everyone in their orbit sought immediate shelter, while at the same time hoping their hiding place was close enough to observe the fireworks. The Sun would be blazing, the Moon would be full and they’d circle each other, at times crashing into each other, and neither giving in until they’d said everything and more, never stopping until they’d resolved whatever the issue was. Then, just as suddenly, they’d resume their orbital balance, looking around and wondering where everybody was. They didn’t care who was watching. Friends and crew had joked about what it must be like when they fought in private! As they reminisced about that and any number of memories, Javi told Rigo that he and Kurt hadn’t had their first fight yet and Rigo almost doubled over laughing. He told Javi that perhaps he should text or call Kurt and warn him. Javi shook his head and laughed, too. Kurt was not Tonio. If Kurt had a fiery temper, he had yet to see even a glimpse of it. He didn’t expect or even want Kurt to relate to him like Tonio had, any more than he wanted to relate to Kurt as Blaine had.

Rigo had discussed some of the songs that Mateo still used in their concerts from their days as band members. Both Mateo and Javi included some of those songs because it was a part of what their fans wanted. Antonio had become a legend in death, just as he had been a legend in life. As they took their stroll down memory lane, Rigo brought to mind one of the first music festivals they’d played in Vina del Mar not long after their first album was released. It was an honor to be invited and Mateo had been one of the starring acts. Rigo said, “Remember how excited we were? God! For the first few years our lives were turned upside down and inside out. I miss those times, the three of us so in sync…remember how you and Tonio even held hands at the end of Solo Para Ti? At that time, as far as any of us knew, no one had a clue about your real relationship and how you’d written that song for each other.” Rigo didn’t say it but he knew they were both thinking it, what if….what if Tonio was still alive….what if like the song Todo Cambio (Everything Changed), everything didn’t have to change….what if….

SOLO PARA TI – VINA DEL MAR MUSIC FESTIVAL

The closed captioning sucks on this so I’m providing the words, the hand holding comes towards the end of the video

LUCKY STAR – KURT HUMMEL

THE GREATEST STAR – KURT HUMMEL

SOME PEOPLE – KURT HUMMEL

He was so glad he’d brought them with him. He would have Skyped with Kurt tonight, but he knew he was having dinner with Adam. He and Adam needed some time together. And this had given Javi some time to really observe Kurt in action so to speak. He missed him so much and this way he could at least see him.

He loved the fact that Kurt had a genuine respect and love for his elders. He had such a huge heart. If someone asked him to, he could see Kurt entertaining the elderly every day of his life just to make someone’s life a little brighter and as Peter Pan he certainly made the world a happier place. Physically, at that stage in his life, he was Peter Pan in every way. He was one of those men who go through a period of true beauty as they grow up. That’s the only way Javi could describe him as Peter Pan. He even looked a bit elfish. He could be the impish Peter Pan while radiating sex appeal all at the same time, so very rare. And the lyrics to I’m The Greatest Star had been written for the Kurt Hummels of the world, not that there were very many of them to be found. The words were almost prophetic, if only Kurt really believed them…took them to heart. Then, Some People, he just didn’t know what to make of Kurt sometimes. Again, the city of LA he sang about was just waiting for him to arrive and he didn’t even know it. He was trying to pinpoint some of the qualities and attributes that Kurt might want to consider while searching for his purpose, if indeed his purpose had anything to do with being in the spotlight. As much he wanted the entire world to embrace this overly talented man, he knew in reality Kurt’s purpose might be as mundane as being a greeter at Wal-Mart or, yes, entertaining people for the sake of making them happy, but not one of his true callings. He was trying very hard not to push him while at the same time helping him to see those dreams he sang about as a possible reality.

And then there was Kurt doing a duet with an extremely handsome and obviously gay man, I Believe In A Thing Called Love. If that wasn’t the stuff of fantasies, he didn’t know what was! And he could easily see them as a couple, the looks, the charisma, even some chemistry. So this was Elliot. His bandmate with Pamela Lansbury. He and Kurt had talked at length about attractions to others while in a long-term relationship. Javi had been very honest about the fact that in his mind there was no way to avoid it. However, being attracted to someone and acting on it were not even close to being the same thing. He again described how he and Tonio had talked openly about attractions to other people and even incorporated them into their joint fantasies in any number of ways. He’d also been honest about the fact that there was no way to avoid some jealousy, but that could be dealt with in the same way. Yes, he could see this video providing any number of fantasies, even if Kurt hadn’t been attracted to his duet partner. Javi certainly had been! He was a gorgeous man and in some ways he even reminded him of Kurt when he was being flirty and a bit aggressive with Javi. He also reminded him of Tonio with that bad boy persona. It was far better than any porn! He set it aside, knowing he’d talk to Kurt about it. It wasn’t something he would use by himself. Physical attractions came and went; a week from now he probably would have forgotten about the guy in the video except in ways that might benefit him and Kurt – he was so very deeply in love with Kurt; that was an absolute in his life and he meant to keep it that way if he could. He had never cheated on Tonio and he would never cheat on Kurt. He sent Kurt a short text asking if they could possibly set up a time to Skype on Sunday. He didn’t want to interrupt his evening with his best friend.

I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE – KURT HUMMEL AND ELIOT “STARCHILD” GILBERT

After Adam left, Kurt poured himself a glass of wine. He and Javi had found a wine they both liked, and although Kurt rarely drank anything other than Diet Coke, he was missing Javi so much, he decided to indulge himself. He’d received Javi’s text and was so excited they had finally found a time that worked for both of them to Skype. He took his usual place on the couch and decided to create what he’d started calling his own peace island. He’d tried it several times and in several different ways since Javi’s departure. Sometimes his island included Javi, sometimes not; it was a time he took to reflect on whatever happened to be on his mind. He was finding it not only relaxing but beneficial to his state of mind. He’d even experimented with his creation when his mind wandered to thoughts of Blaine and it seemed to be helping; it calmed him and allowed him to sort out those thoughts in a way that made some sense, at least for now.

But tonight was about Javi. With the glass of wine beside him he looked around the room, bringing to mind those things that seemed to bring Javi closer to him. The framed photos of them together and with their friends. Javi’s favorite pillows and a blanket he’d brought with him from Quintana Roo many years ago. The scented candles that simply said Javi. Kurt took a deep breath, inhaling the lavender softness. He decided to take his version of a tour of Javi’s different periods after he’d gone solo. It was like watching Javi grow up and out, not only as a singer and entertainer, but the way his life and thoughts and being had changed in seven, sometimes very long and sometimes very short, years. It had taken him almost a year and a half to pick up the strands that would become his solo career.

One of his first appearances had been in concert in Rio de Janeiro. The public Javi that Mateo fans had come to know had recreated himself and he knew he was taking a huge risk, but continuing as “Javi of Mateo” wasn’t in him, at least not then. Antonio’s shadow was still too long. He had to step out from under it or he would never make it as a solo artist and he knew it. The chemistry between them had been too strong. Even though most people didn’t know the true depth of their relationship, to the fans they would always be Antonio, Javi and Rodrigo in that order. Not only could he not carry that off, he couldn’t hold on to that attachment for his own sanity. So, his first public appearance was as far from “Javi of Mateo” as it could get.

It took some getting used to even for him, maybe especially for him, but his knowledge of music was as wide as the sky and he knew he was more than capable of recreating himself. The question was would the fans accept it. So, from the pop/rock sound of Mateo he’d turned to a quieter, more intimate and romantic musical style. He was experimenting, of course. He didn’t know if what he was singing then was what he’d be singing a year from now; it would all depend on his fans…and Mateo’s fans as well. And this is where Kurt started. This first concert had been recorded and Kurt chose one of his favorites.

Sometimes he cried when he watched this. You didn’t have to speak Spanish to read the sorrow hidden in Javi’s eyes and not just because of the sad lyrics. Antonio’s heart was evident in the depths of them. This Javi had not a touch of flash to his attire, although the purple was a statement. Javi told him he had chosen purple because it was the combination of the stability of blue and the fierce energy of red. It was his silent tribute to Tonio and what they had been together. Neither of them had ever claimed that Mateo would have existed without their union and Rigo’s constant balance holding it all together. Javi’s operatic training was easily perceptible, and though his movements were very Javi, they were also subdued.

Kurt resumed his journey. What Kurt termed Javi’s progressive manifestation revealed itself in his second solo album, Eterno. Here was a very sensual, ethereal, definitely more sexually revealing Javi. Almost like he was for a lack of a better way to describe it, a gay butterfly, emerging from a cocoon. In Javi’s way, he was not only emerging from the shadow of Antonio but was disclosing his true sexuality to the world. This Javi said, I love myself as a sensual gay man. He was thoroughly enjoying creating not only a new musical style but a new body and wardrobe to go with it. His clothing was much more revealing, his body building evident, his movements commanding attention in a way that said look at me.

SAMO MEDLEY

SAMO ETERNO

And then there was the Javi of today, right now. The man completely at home with himself, his mind, his body, his soul. And because he had truly found himself, he was free to reveal it to anyone and everyone while at the same time freely inviting you into his world, hoping you’d come play at life with him. He not only loved himself, he deeply loved those who made up the entire human race and was passionate about their joys and sorrows, wanting to alleviate the sorrows wherever he could. He may not have officially announced his sexual orientation to his own country, but he didn’t hide it either. He dressed as he pleased in bold colors and sparkles and hats and earrings. He wasn’t shy about revealing his body either. All one had to do was look at his social media pages, and with him gone, it was something Kurt had been doing quite regularly. Although Kurt wasn’t nearly as body conscious as he once was, he still couldn’t see himself revealing his body as Javi did. This was the Javi of today.

NO VOY A MORIR DE AMOR (I WILL NOT DIE OF LOVE)

The wine had made Kurt sleepy. He took his glass to the kitchen and when he returned to the media room, he decided to listen to some of the music from Javi’s album featuring the songs he’d performed in Rio. He snuffed the candles, then spread out on the couch covering himself with a blanket. The soft sound of Javi’s voice lulled him to sleep; he’d get up in a while and go to bed……….Kurt shook himself awake, forcing himself out of the dream. He wasn’t having it more frequently, but the intensity and vividness were becoming greater. Shifting so he was laying on his side, he struggled to calm himself. The details kept shifting and changing. It was no longer just Antonio and Blaine arguing in a vague sort of way, fading in and out, no specifics really. Lately, the setting seemed to be the auditorium at McKinley, a place where him and Blaine had spent a considerable amount of time together. Every time the dream became more detailed…and stranger. In tonight’s version of the ever evolving dream, it had been all four of them. Kurt and Blaine had been practicing a duet of It’s Too Late….well, it wasn’t a duet really…..it was like a really awful, dissonant mashup of Blaine singing I Want You Back and Kurt singing It’s Too Late, Antonio standing between them like a referee, Javi sitting in the first row, watching…almost studiously with a finger to his lips. Of all things? Kurt was dressed in his Single Ladies costume and Blaine was wearing his Dalton Academy blazer! He didn’t know what Antonio was saying but he was trying to back Blaine off the stage while Kurt stood there singing a Carole King song in a black unitard with a sequined vest….well, he’s not really standing, he’s doing the dance routine to Single Ladies and singing a Carole King song? He almost laughed; thank god this was only a dream. And Javi…it looked like he was dressed in….Kurt’s Le Jazz Hot! costume? The thing that had awakened him was the sudden appearance of the wedding bands he and Blaine had chosen on each of their left hand ring fingers. He closed his eyes for a moment trying not to read too much into the confusing symbolism, if that’s what it was. He tried an imagery exercise he’d learned recently, supposedly to bring clarity to one’s thoughts. Let’s see how much clarity it could bring to this craziness.

The song choices were pretty obvious, about the only obvious thing he could extract. He’d been texting with Blaine; he’d be meeting with him soon. Blaine had made some not so very well disguised efforts at renewing their past relationship in some way, past being the operative word for Kurt. Kurt was telling him in one of the best ways they communicated, in song, that that wasn’t going to happen, that he wasn’t even interested. Antonio? He was trying to protect Javi….and Kurt. He was trying to protect their new relationship from what he viewed as a threat. How am I doing so far clarity exercise? But what was Javi’s role in this bizarre rendition of a soap opera? Maybe he was observing….what? Well, what did he know about how Javi related to Kurt? He listened, he advised when asked…and? he let Kurt make his decisions for himself. That all sort of made some sense if you believed that dreams could be premonitions or ways for your mind to help you influence your decisions. And as always he knew repetitive dreams, at least for him, always meant something.

He let out a deep sigh and glanced over at the photo he kept on the coffee table. It was a still of Javi performing in Monterrey, light shimmering off of his sparkling pants, his arms outstretched as if trying to enclose the entire audience of fans in his arms, his head tilted skyward wearing a charmingly infectious smile. No, there was no way he was giving up everything he’d found right here for something that had been, but would never, ever be again. With that, he decided he’d talk it over with Javi when he got home. He stretched and meandered down the hallway to Javi’s room. He’d been sleeping in his bed ever since he left and he hadn’t had that stupid dream even once….until tonight. Once was enough for a single night. He pulled back the comforter, took off his clothes and slipped into bed, wrapping one of Javi’s black net shirts around his shoulders. If Javi knew that Kurt was not only sleeping in his bed but was sleeping in his bed with absolutely nothing on??? Kurt smiled; he’d find out when the time was right.