CHAPTER 61 – DO YOU KNOW THE WAY TO MONTERREY

CHAPTER 61

Kurt unlocked the front door after paying the cabby, already sensing Javi’s absence – he was only going to be gone for about 2-1/2 days, but it wasn’t really about the length of time so much as the circumstances.  Javi had been right; knowing he’d actually be performing live in Monterrey, and for the first time since he and Kurt met, unless you counted the many times he’d played in clubs around San Diego, was causing Kurt to feel more than a little left out.  So, to keep his mind occupied he was going to surprise Javi and decorate the entire house for Christmas.  Javi hadn’t really had time to do it properly, whatever that meant, before his date with his adoring fans in Monterrey and Christmas was his favorite holiday, akin to Halloween for Kurt.  And of all of Kurt’s many talents, decorating was definitely at the top of the list.  

But before starting, getting himself in the holiday spirit was essential, despite the way he was feeling.  A little music?  A little eggnog?  He knew exactly where Javi kept the many tubs of ornaments.  Tomorrow he and Adam were going to a place called Christmas Tree Country to pick out live trees.  In New York, they’d always had an artificial tree, but for whatever reason this year they’d both been adamant.  They wanted real ones and all that went with it, including dropping needles and the possibility of less than symmetrical shapes – maybe it had something to do with their fresh start in San Diego; it just felt right.  He and Adam were both in happy and stable relationships and the lease on their loft was up at the end of January.  They hadn’t talked about it at length and were in somewhat of a holding pattern.  Both were biding their time, waiting to see if either Ethan or Javi asked them to move in with them, since they both owned houses, but neither wanted to push the idea on their boyfriends.  

Kurt lugged the numerous plastic tubs that held Javi’s Christmas treasures into the living room, being careful not to drop them.  They’d discussed Christmas right before Thanksgiving and that’s when Javi had introduced him to his rather vast collection of Christmas decorations and trimmings, or at least the tubs they were contained in.  He’d told Kurt that when he returned from the trip to Monterrey they would deck the halls and then some, but Kurt knew how harried his schedule had been prior to this trip, and then a week later they’d be ringing in the New Year’s in the city surrounded by mountains, Albuquerque.  He wanted their first Christmas to be all that Javi would want, a combination of celebratory and relaxing, and he hoped that his plan to decorate would be a first step towards that goal. 

Burt and Carol were going to be spending the holiday with Carol’s family this year, so their plan was to pay a visit to San Diego after the first of the year.  Javi began his next major tour in February, and that might be an ideal time for them to make the cross-country journey from Ohio to California.  Not that he didn’t want Javi to be there, of course, but he was almost certain Javi would feel more at ease about leaving Kurt behind if someone was there to keep him company for a few days, and he couldn’t ask for better company than Kurt’s parents.  

He took up residence on the floor in the living room, just for a change of pace, his eggnog on a coaster.  He’d noticed that Javi even had holiday coasters and plates, Santa and his sleigh adorning it all.  He smiled thinking it couldn’t be any worse than his own Halloween over-the-top craziness.  He’d chosen the living room mainly because the media room had become what he thought of as “their” room.  He didn’t need or want to be reminded of why he was alone, the sound of songs about sleigh bells, snowmen and wise men attempting to lift his mood.  And slowly the festive and the sacred combined to create a space for Kurt to set aside his touch of loneliness. 

Even though Javi was always very reluctant to leave Kurt behind for any reason, the entertainer in him was thrilled to be immersing himself in his chosen profession, the preparation, the other entertainers, the fans, it was still all worth it to him.  The Monterrey festival was almost like coming home each year; even with so many memories of Mateo and Tonio woven through and through Monterrey, he’d never let them down, excepting the year that Tonio had died. And when he’d returned as a soloist, he and his performances had been welcomed as if nothing had changed unlike one of the songs that had rocketed them to stardom, Todo Cambio (Everything Changed), as if Javi had always been Javi by himself and not part of one of their most cherished pop groups.  There had even been years that he’d played there when the latest incarnation of Mateo was in the lineup as well.  There had been tons of requests for him to join Mateo onstage, but Rigo and only a handful knew why he wouldn’t.  He couldn’t ask that of Javi; they had been through too much together in their own version of Mateo.  Occasionally, he and Rigo would put together a duet for the fans.  Yes, Monterrey could be a paradise with its temperate climate and gorgeous mountains, but as he had told Kurt, still dangerous, especially in the city itself.  If you kept to the resort area you could usually expect safety and generally speaking that’s how Javi arranged his visits.  
After maneuvering Customs, he located his security detail, all of them taking a limo to the hotel booked for most of the out of town entertainment.  He didn’t have to be at the Monterrey Arena for his first performance until later in the evening and he always prized any time available to him to ready himself mentally if at all possible.  He’d been working out more than usual in the couple of weeks prior to his departure so that at least he’d be prepared physically; entertaining was exhilarating, but also exhausting.  It could take your body from the high of entertaining to the pit of exhaustion sometimes within a matter of a couple hours, depending on the fans’ response and your prior  psychological groundwork.  It was often a delicate balance, one of the many reasons why living on the road could wreak havoc with your system.  

As soon as he and his luggage were situated, he reclined on the king-size bed.  He reached for his phone, creating a text to Kurt, “here I am and I already miss you, mi amor.  ”  Then, he took a selfie and sent his words into cyberspace.  Kurt sent a similar text, making Javi smile, as he held up his glass of eggnog toasting Javi’s safe arrival.  It made him feel more at ease seeing Kurt’s attempt to invite the holiday spirit in in his absence. He turned his phone off, closing his eyes and relaxing his muscles one at a time.  Employing the guided imagery exercises he’d been using for years before a performance, he pictured himself entering the arena, stepping into the flurry of preparation while waiting to perform and imagining every nuance of the performance, every feeling, absorbing the energy created by him and his fans, until he left the stage.  He took a small sip from the water bottle sitting beside him on the nightstand, shut his eyes again and began the necessary monotony of his vocal exercises.  When that was concluded, he reached for his phone, set the alarm to a non alarming tone, again resting his eyes.  If he fell asleep, that was fine, and if not at least he was recharging his somatic battery.

He intended to sing the song he’d written for he and Kurt, Between the Sun and Mercury (Entre el Sol y el Mercurio) as he’d translated it to Spanish, having to do some musical rearranging of the lyrics and the score.  He didn’t know if he’d ever take it to the recording studio, but he’d learned over the years that the best thing to help him make such a decision was to give the song to an audience.  Their reaction would assist him in making an informed decision.  Although Kurt was totally unaware of his efforts or of his plan to sing the song in Monterrey, he’d wanted to sing it for Kurt, taking the opportunity to let him know again just how much he meant to him especially when they were separated by so much time and distance.  TVAzteca.com was broadcasting the festival live and Javi had made certain Kurt was aware of all the pertinent times to be watching.  He’d cautioned him that there would probably be some improvisation, but at least Kurt knew when the festival started and ended.  And if he missed parts of it, it could be found on their website once the festival was over.  However, Kurt was determined not to miss a single performance, not this time.  Maybe someday years in the future, but not this time.
As the lyrics and the melody drifted through his mind, the significance of the song in his life, in their life, continued to brush against his thoughts, and images of Tonio and Kurt lulled him to sleep.  

Kurt, hands on hips, stood before the opaque tubs labelled Christmas overwhelmed and slightly amused.  If he hung all of these colorful bangles, shiny baubles and treasured keepsakes he’d need ten trees!  So his Javi was an ornament hoarder!  He had a tub filled with ornaments from his childhood; Belita had rescued them after he’d left Quintana Roo. Ornaments from almost every country he’d visited on tour, or so Kurt assumed.  Ornaments given to him by fans.  Tinsel and trinkets and bows, oh my!  Well, maybe he’d pick out two trees…..he imagined Javi having Christmas trees in every single room, pressing every last ornament into service as he decorated his home, inviting friends over to help him in San Diego or maybe Mexico City; packing them up and shipping them there if he wasn’t in San Diego would be a Javi thing to do.  He quickly texted Cam, Craig and Julian asking them for advice, hoping they actually had helped his Christmas-obsessed Javi decorate in years past.  As it turned out only Craig had not been a part of any such tradition, but Cam and Julian had.  Their suggestion was to gather together as many as could make it to help Kurt reinvent the rooms into A Charlie Brown Christmas only with much better trees, and yes, Javi had had trees in almost every nook and cranny in the past.  It was turning into a party!  When he’d finished with those texts, he texted Adam hoping he’d be willing to assist in putting together an impromptu party the next day.  Adam was all in, but if they were having a shindig on Saturday, tree shopping would have to be done today.  Kurt’s plan was that  they’d get a couple of live trees and then get some artificial ones to complete the decorating of the smaller rooms.  Yes!  Planning a party and creating a Winter Wonderland would definitely take his mind off of the lack of Javi’s presence.  However, if he was going to see all of Javi’s performances, he should probably DVR, and he chose to do something he and Javi almost never did.  He climbed in the SUV, picked Adam up and headed over to Christmas Tree Country.

As they meandered through the tree lot, Kurt described the tubs and tubs of Christmas decorations and they discussed how each of them was spending Christmas.  Adam had asked Ethan to spend Christmas in Texas wanting to introduce him to his family.  Javi and Kurt had decided even prior to Thanksgiving that their fondest Christmas wish would be spending their first Christmas together, just the two of them.  As they wandered the lot they were drawn to the balsam firs; if they were going to go to the trouble of getting genuine trees, they wanted them to have a scent.  After examining what seemed like hundreds of trees, they finally found three that suited them. Even with the roomy SUV, struggling to get three large firs into it was a little more than an interesting endeavor, but they finally managed, firmly closing the hatch.  Kurt drove Adam home first, wrestling his tree up to the loft, helping him align it in the newly purchased tree stand, before he left.  Before they’d left the tree lot he’d texted Karen to see if she and one of their other neighbors could assist him in grappling with his own trees.  Three of them were waiting as he pulled into the driveway.  Kurt and Jim, their neighbor across the street, hoisted a tree out of the SUV, while Karen and Laurie managed to fit the other tree through the front door.  After a short breather, again, Kurt and Jim positioned the trees in stands while Karen and Laurie oversaw their efforts, making sure the trees were straight.  He offered all of them something to drink and passed around the bottles of water.  Once they’d recovered, he filled them in on the details of the party, indicating the tubs of decorations stacked in the hallway, and invited them, too.  They laughed, telling him it wouldn’t be their first introduction to Javi’s massive collection or the feat of decorating the place and readily agreed to join in. 
Now Kurt was definitely in the spirit!  Adam told him he’d text later so they could discuss what to make for the party and they’d already decided that he and Ethan would show up at around 9:30 Saturday morning to sort through the ornaments, maybe doing some pre-decorating with greenery and garland. Cam had recommended that everyone provide a dish or a dessert, so there would be plenty of food and most assuredly drink to go around.  It was still a couple of hours before Javi would be performing his first set, but Kurt didn’t want to miss it so he turned the TV on low and went in search of salad and sandwich ingredients.  Struggling with Christmas trees had given him a ravenous appetite.  He parked himself on “his side” of the couch with his meal and turned his attention to the group that was currently playing.  Javi had introduced him to a number of Latin American soloists and groups, and although he was nowhere near fluent in Spanish, he could pick up a few words here and there and sort of grasp what the song was about.  Although the weather in Monterrey was definitely pleasant enough, they still held the festival indoors.  Sitting here watching the celebration with the Christmasy smell of the trees was delightful; yes, he still missed his Javi, but today was nearing its end and tomorrow would probably go by at warp speed.  Tuesday didn’t seem so far away after all.

The musical chime of the phone alarm woke Javi and he stretched from head to toe, keeping his eyes closed for a few minutes more, trying to remember the details in the cobwebs of his dream.  He’d dreamt of his papa, the man who had blessed him with his love and knowledge of music, the man who’d taught him the meaning of faith, who’d instilled a strong work ethic and a sense of right and wrong, everything a father was supposed to do for a son….and yet when he had needed his papa the most, he hadn’t been there for him.  When he was searching for his identity in every sense of the word, sometimes questioning his faith, trying to discover what being independent meant for him, all his father could see was rebellion.  The dream was a convoluted reminder of the time his father discovered he’d been reading books and listening to songs that reflected other beliefs.  His father hadn’t even bothered to ask Javier (Javi was still far in the future) the reasons he was looking beyond their beliefs, he’d simply gathered up every book and album and CD and destroyed them, not that that had really halted Javi’s curiosity, he’d simply learned to hide his stash of forbiddens better.  The dream had focused on a song he’d nearly played to death – The Wings That Fly Us Home by John Denver.  Of course, John Denver’s music was not even close to anything that he’d heard or sung himself until a friend had shared the album.  His father had been absolutely infuriated simply by the name of the recording, Spirit.  John Denver’s ideas on faith and truth were a mixture of a little bit of Christianity and a dose of reincarnation with some existentialism and who knew what else, but he didn’t know that then.  He was exploring with the books and the songs. He and his companions were constantly trading this supposed contraband, making it all the more desirable simply because of its prohibition.  And the material had inadvertently put him on the path to learning English. That was the beginning of the riff that would only deepen over the years as Javier became Javi.  He had never stopped loving his family and never would and his faith was as strong as ever, but he had learned to make room for what others believed.  He remained still for a few moments longer; these days his father only made his presence known in Javi’s dreams and he didn’t want to let go of that unsettling, yet longed for image.  

Finally, he took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.  Sitting on the edge of the bed, he began calling and texting some of the key people who would make tonight’s performance happen as it should.  Of course he’d known for at least a week what he’d be wearing tonight, he’d be at his neon Javi best, or as Kurt said “like a glitter bomb had exploded.”  Most of the time he loved stepping into JAVI and tonight was no different; it still amazed him sometimes how much labor and how many practice sessions went into appearing on stage for the length of time it took to sing two or three songs at a time.  He would kick off and conclude his time in Monterrey performing the one song that was always expected of him from his Mateo days, Todo Cambio (Everything Changed), and he felt honored to sing it for his loyal fans.  Over the hectic weekend, he’d scatter some of his own solo works and sing some duets, one with Mario Sandoval and one with Chris Syler.  

When he arrived at the Arena, he and his security detail successfully slipped in through the doors that led to the dressing area undetected and he began the process of preparing himself for his appearance as JAVI.  He did indeed look like a glitter bomb exploded, making him smile all over.  His pants glistened and gleamed, shimmering to the point that it wasn’t dissimilar to trying to look directly into the sun…or perhaps into his Kurtito’s eyes?  Whichever way he turned the sparkle and twinkle danced in the light, changing color.  He sported a dark blue pullover shirt with the word LOVE spelled out in large flashing letters and what looked like a heart surrounded by the sun beneath the word LOVE, and of course, his sunglasses; even he could barely look at his pants, he laughed to himself.  He slapped his hat over his curls and again spent some time disciplining his mind, then visited with some of the others backstage, celebrities and workers alike.  

It was the first night and the crowd was immense and the fans almost electrified.  As he walked on stage to the beginning notes of Todo Cambio (Everything Changed) and mentally donned his JAVI suit, he knew it was going to be a magical first set.  Fans never failed to respond with gusto to this song or to Javi’s rendition.  He started out with, “You remember this song?  Sing it with me!”  And as if on cue, they did!  They could have sung the song with absolutely no guidance from him, but he knew they hadn’t traveled all the way to Monterrey and given up their hard-earned money to sing to him.

Kurt studied his love, feasting his eyes on JAVI and couldn’t stop the smile and the laughter that bubbled up inside overflowing into the room around him!  The peacock was in full feather and he wore his megawatt smile to go with it.  He was mesmerized watching his celebrity boyfriend draw in the audience, inviting them to sing with him and almost join him on stage with those come hither fingers that Kurt found so irresistible himself.  And that laugh, that “come play with me” laugh that Kurt knew so well.  There he was swaying his hips to the music, his arms out wide and then tapping his chest to show the crowd just how much their love meant to him.   His joy, his skipping across the stage….Kurt would have loved him even if he wasn’t his….he smiled even more at that, yes, Javi was his.

Javi had just finished his second song, “Amar de Verdad” (True Love) when amongst the thousands of screaming and singsonging fans, he noticed two men seated in the VIP section.  He was startled…and then relieved that his set was now over for the evening; he would have had a very difficult time continuing if those two men were truly who he thought they were.  This was impossible!  Unbelievable!  Whatever “this” was it couldn’t be happening.  He tore his eyes away from them and returned his focus as best he could to his audience, his fans – the people who truly loved him, not the men that his imagination had conjured up – his supporters and followers who only knew him as JAVI, not Javier Ramos Ruiz.

He hustled off stage, immediately making his way to the dressing area, finding a room that was unoccupied and swiftly closing the door.  What had brought them here?  And at a concert?  Mexico City was so much closer to Quintana Roo than Monterrey, why not there?  He faced the mirror…..who were they here to see?  Javi?  Javier Ramos Ruiz?  And why?  For a brief moment, he wondered if he was still floating in his dream from earlier.  Time passed without his noticing, until he heard a quiet knock at the door, his manager’s voice asking if Javi was in the room.  Truth be told, he was and he wasn’t.  Yes, Javi was in there, but was Javier in there, too?

Closing his eyes tightly, trying to compose himself, he slowly arose.  On the other side of the door standing in the hallway were his manager and the two men.  For the first time since he’d left Quintana Roo behind he was looking into the dark brown eyes of his papa.  He was accompanied by his younger brother, Eduardo.  The silence that seemed to last forever was deafening until Javi managed to find his voice and beckoned them in.  What was he supposed to say?  Or do?  As if in that very dream he’d escaped only a few hours ago, he invited them to sit and offered them water, which they both accepted.  

When everyone was settled, Eduardo attempted to break the ice by commenting on the performance he’d just seen, how impressed he was with the way he addressed his audience and their response.  His father gave him the same steady gaze Javi had inherited, observing, watching, listening, Javi still seeing the stern and stoic man of his youth, but he thought he detected a softness to his eyes that he’d rarely seen in his lifetime.  

His father cleared his throat and said, “Javier, I know you must be wondering why we’re here after all this time and to be honest I’m wondering what we’re doing here, but….” he hesitated, “Belita convinced me to make this journey.  When she came home to pack her belongings….”  his papa was struggling with words, “I realized that we were losing our children one by one.  Belita, your mama and me….we talked.  Actually, Belita did most of the talking,” he almost smiled, “but….we just can’t bear this anymore.  Three of you have left Quintana Roo because….because of…. your mama says it’s my stubbornness, my inability to accept who you are as adults….and I suppose there’s some truth to that.  I still don’t agree with the way you’re living your lives, I don’t understand why you’ve walked away from your faith, but I can’t deny your talent, Javier. Of all my children, you chose your path in music almost from the day you were born and….if you hadn’t defied me you may never have realized your full potential.  No!  I still don’t understand you or Belita’s choices…or Enrique’s for that matter, but I don’t want to live the rest of my life never seeing all of my children.  And as for….” again words failed him as he used his hand to engulf Javi’s entire body, his clothing, his Javiness, “mi hijo (my son), “I will never understand…but I have to accept many things I don’t understand.  And your mother is right at least in this….it’s time I accepted you for who and what you are.”

What was Javi supposed to think….to say…..to feel?  His mind and his heart were stuck with half of him in the past, the other half here in this room, speechless.  His first impulse was to wrap his father in his arms and weep on his shoulder as if he were still the child his papa spoke of, but that kind of response would only make them all feel more uncomfortable…and in his case, lost.  He doubted anything resembling a close relationship, or at the least the kind of relationship Javi longed to have with his father would ever be a reality, but somehow, someone had softened his heart and for the moment that had to be enough.  And yet…..he had to speak his mind now.  He couldn’t assume that there would be another time.

“Papa, I’m pleased….” Now, Javi was searching for words, “you want to reconcile and I have always respected your thoughts and actions, even when they were painful, but….I never walked away from my faith, never.  If there’s one thing I want you to know about me it’s that; you taught me well and through all of….this…faith was the one thing that helped me endure the unendurable with you and mama.  I know you don’t understand my being gay,” he had to force those words out knowing that stating that truth plainly was something he had to do, “but I want you to know that I had to accept who and what, as you put it, I am long before you did and I made it through that struggle a better person.  What I don’t understand….what I don’t understand is how you could turn your back on three of us…and still say it was because of your faith in God?  I know God never turned away from me…or Bela…or Enrique….so why did you?  No, papa, I will never understand that, and you don’t have to answer my questions, but that’s what I’ve been wondering ever since I left home.”  His brother attempted to take on the role of go-between, but his father raised his hand, stopping  him.  “Javier, your idea of what faith in God looks like and my ideas I know are many miles apart….they weren’t always… but as your sister…and also your mama have pointed out to me many times, I can’t change any of you….how you live and what you believe or don’t are no longer in my hands….sometimes I have to wonder if they ever were.  I’m here at your mama’s insistence and your sister’s persistence.”

“But why here, papa?  Why in Monterrey when Mexico City is closer?”  Javi was very puzzled, until his father said, “Bela pointed out that if I really hoped for reconciliation that I needed to see you living out your passion and the only way to do that was to see you perform.  I was reluctant, but….she was right.  Again, I may not understand why you chose to use your talent this way….and not to the glory of God….no, no!  I don’t want to get into that discussion right now.  What I do know from watching you tonight is that you make the world a happier place; that I cannot deny….and you appear to be reconciled to yourself…..at peace.  I may never be completely comfortable with you or Bela or Enrique, but my comfort is of no importance anymore.  Your mama needs to be at peace, too, and I know that can’t happen unless we at least start walking a path towards each other.”

“Is mama……?”  Javi’s first thought was her health.  “Si, Javier, she is fine, except she wants her children back.  Once Belita decided to leave……it was very hard on her.  I can’t live with her or myself if I don’t at least try to bring your heart home to her.”

Javi was silent for some time.  This was not going to be easy and certainly not simple.  After all this time, how was he supposed to even begin walking a path towards this man?  His mama?  His heart had never left her behind.  He was fully aware that in their home, his father’s word was law, and his mother rarely took a stand whether he be right or wrong.  It must have taken all of the hidden strength she had to finally say no more. And much as he wanted to let bygones be bygones, he needed more time to process this major turn of events.  He needed to speak with Belita….and Kurt.  Finally, he looked up at his father and asked where they were staying in Monterrey and for how long.  They planned to stay through Sunday, leaving on Monday.  It was a long trip and his papa felt if he was going to watch Javi perform he might as well do it now.  He wasn’t getting any younger and travel like this was starting to become harder on him.  And he hoped, as complicated as it might be, that he would have more time to converse with Javier….or Javi as he now called himself.

Kurt stood, working the kinks out, and made the choice to turn in early.  Javi wouldn’t be performing again until tomorrow and tomorrow the house would be buzzing with their friends assuming the role of decorators, a whirlwind of yuletide cheer.  He texted Javi a good night, expressing his I love you decorated with a bunch of emojis.  When Javi didn’t reply quickly Kurt naturally assumed he was involved with who knew what, but left his phone on in case he texted later, the time zones again interfering with their communication.  Kurt slipped under the covers, catching the scent of Sauvage and Javi on his pillow.  Silly as it sounded, when Javi was away, he always slept with one of Javi’s shirts, embracing him with his sense of smell.  Cozying the long sleeves of the shirt around him, he was soon asleep, hoping his Javito would take time out from the festival to appear in his dreams.  

It was nearing midnight when Kurt heard his phone ping and assuming it was Javi, he answered.  Javi had called, not texted….surely after his frenetic schedule that day he wasn’t wanting to “play,” but he never knew; if there was one thing he could depend on it was Javi Surprises.  He yawned as he answered, saying, “Am I it or are you?”  Expecting Javi to laugh, he was wary, when he heard Javi sigh and say, “Oh, mi Kurtito….mi papa is here and mi brother, Eduardo….I need to talk, mi amor….”  Kurt could tell Javi was on the verge of crying, so he tried to sooth him, asking him to tell his story slowly.  After Javi had explained the gist of their awkward conversation, Kurt asked, “What are you going to do, bebe?”  “Right now, I’m just going to see where this weekend leads, I guess…..part of me wants to leap into his arms…..not that he would allow such a thing….and say all is forgiven….another part of me….can’t….not yet….I need some answers I guess…I don’t know…”  Poor Javito…..he hoped at the very least the fact that he had to focus on his performances would provide him with enough distraction so that he could digest what was a combination of miracle and what might feel like catastrophe to Javi.  Kurt maintained his silence unless Javi asked a question, allowing him to express his emotions and thoughts for as long as he needed.  Finally, Javi exhaled as if he’d been holding onto too much of something, saying, “Mi amor, I’m exhausted.  And even though it would only further complicate….this….I wish you were here.”  Kurt smiled to himself, a sad smile for all that his lover was dealing with, “Mi Javi, my heart is with you, and you’ll be in my prayers, bebe.  I love you, Javier Ramos Ruiz.  Now, try to get some sleep.”  Again, Kurt had brought him back to what was truly important and all he needed to know.  He wasn’t just in love with his persona, he was in love with the man under the JAVI suit, and would be there for him in any way he could.  It had not escaped Javi’s attention that Kurt had talked of praying.  What that meant in the long run?  Who knew?  But praying implied someone or something was on the other end listening; Kurt was discovering his identity.

Kurt awakened on Saturday, exhilarated by the thought of all the merrymaking the day promised, yet troubled for Javi and what he was experiencing in Mexico.  They had decided beforehand that other than short texts, Javi would text or call Kurt most of the time since he never knew what lay in store from one minute to another.  There were always impromptu requests or rearrangements, and now with his family there?  And there was really nothing he could do from this distance, so he tried to set it aside in his mind and focus on the day ahead.  Since Adam wasn’t taking on the role of master chef this time, he told Kurt that he and Ethan would purchase the smaller artificial trees for the assortment of other rooms they planned to decorate.  Turning on the shower, he stepped under the soothing warmth, giving the water permission to awaken him slowly.  A half hour later, he was seated at the kitchen table, freshly made pancakes and eggs occupying space on one of Javi’s festive plates, hot coffee in a Santa Claus mug.  The TV chattered in the background just in case Javi’s scheduled appearances were rearranged.  He knew he was due to perform again at about 2 San Diego time and no matter what, he would make sure the party halted long enough to watch.  Soon, Adam and Ethan arrived, arms overflowing with bags of snacks and several containers of Christmas cheer.  After depositing all the goodies on the kitchen counters, they began the task of unloading yet more trees, artificial though they may be.

The partygoers started arriving around noon, and like Adam and Ethan, loaded down with edibles and plenty of holiday spirit….and spirits!  After fifteen people had knocked or rang the doorbell Kurt decided to just leave the door open.  Karen and Laurie showed up with a punch bowl of homemade eggnog and by one o’clock the party was in full swing.  But before anyone became too “cheerful” or “spirited”, Kurt the Coordinator had divided them up into five groups of five people each with one left over.  Each team picked up their equipment, a tree or two and a container of ornaments, Kurt declaring, “Let the games begin!” They should have the place decorated in no time.  

Team Kurt and Adam had sorted through the hundreds of ornaments the afternoon before, trying to select which ones to use in the media and living rooms, and then separating them by how delicate, not wanting to somehow destroy all the memories they held.  He put Adam in charge of the living room tree, deploying the rest of the troops to the bedrooms and larger bathrooms carrying their artificial trees and ornaments.  Kurt took charge of the media room, not only because he wanted it to be the most dazzling tree, but also so he could keep an eye on the TV.  He had already explained to everyone that Javi was set to perform at 2 and they could all gather back in the media room to watch.  He’d considered DVR, but as long as he was home he’d much rather see it live.

He’d received a rather lengthy text from Javi at around 11 letting him know he was okay, stating how much he missed him, sending a ton of emojied love and conveying his anxiety over meeting up with his father later in the day.  said he’d call him if he got a chance.  Kurt quickly glanced at the ceiling asking for some divine guidance for his love.  He knew, of course, that’s about all he could do, but his heart went out to his Javito.  

Decorating in general was a task that was never really a task at all as far as Kurt was concerned, but hanging Javi’s treasures on the prickly branches was a labor of love and discovery in his mind.  He examined each one carefully, wondering about the significance, looking forward to hearing the tales behind them when Javi returned.  The tall tree in the living room and the much shorter one on an out of the way countertop in the kitchen were taking shape quite nicely, one decorated with many of the ornaments from Javi’s childhood, the other decorated with matching sets of ornaments from several containers, the ornaments and the multicolored twinkle lights combining, reminding Kurt of Javi’s pants from the night before.  As things appeared under control in the media room, Kurt wandered down the hallway to take a peek at what the rest of the group had accomplished.  Oh, what a great idea!  In every room that owned a mirror, the tree had been positioned in such a way that it reflected in the mirror, casting small arcs of light along the walls.  Cam was the go-to guy for the bedrooms, and when he saw Kurt heading his way he asked, “What about the other bedrooms, Kurt?  We’re almost done with Javi’s room and the room beside it, but as far as I know Javi never decorates the other two bedrooms, at least not at the parties I’ve been to.”  Kurt had already thought of that and he was glad Cam had stopped him because he’d forgotten to tell him.  “I’ve never been in those two bedrooms…and if you say he’s never decorated them in the past, then we probably shouldn’t this year either…and I wouldn’t feel right about it since I’ve never been in them.”  Cam gave him a quizzical look, “Ya know, Kurt, it’s none of my business, but why haven’t you been in those rooms…and why do you suppose he never decorates them?”  “I don’t know, Cam, but it’s his house and since he always keeps those doors closed….I figure it’s his business.”  “But aren’t you living here?”  “Well, yeah, but unofficially…and if and until it’s official….”  “Okay, just curious, I guess, we’ll move on to a couple of the bathrooms.  I’m assuming you’re not decorating the weight room?”  Kurt laughed, “No, but you can hang some mistletoe over the door!”  

It was almost 2 and Kurt stopped the action long enough to gather all of their friends in the media room…that had a nice ring to it, their friends.  The pungent aroma of the fir trees and the cheerful thought of how Javi would react when he opened the front door on Tuesday, surprised by the effort of his many amigos and amigas made him feel so happy inside.  He found an empty space on the floor along with everyone else scattered in the room, enjoying the munchies, the liquid refreshments and each other’s company, waiting for Javi to appear.  Again, the peacock was turned out in his glitter bomb pants, but instead of the long-sleeve shirt, he wore one of his trademark black net sleeveless tops underneath a jacket that matched his pants.  Someone raised their glass and cheered, “And this is every reason why he has to wear sunglasses!”  Everyone toasted Javi’s attire and laughed.  Kurt could only wonder what Javi’s father and brother were thinking.  He knew that Javi always planned the wardrobe for his appearances very carefully and well in advance, otherwise he might have seen this outfit as a show of insolence in a way.  After all, the man was only human and having the one person he had every right to have strong mixed feelings about simply show up without warning?  He tucked that in the back of his brain; perhaps he’d ask Javi about it.  The crowd was even more enthusiastic today, roaring and screaming, phones at the ready, when he walked on stage.  He knew he was planning to sing one of his latest singles “No Voy a Morir De Amor” (I Will Not Die of Love) and his new Christmas Song, “Noche de Paz” (Silent Night), but he didn’t know when.  So, he leaned back on his oversized pillow, eyes glued to JAVI, anticipating his songs of choice or perhaps he’d be doing one of his duets.  But instead of Chris Syler or Mario Sandoval, Rodrigo walked across the stage with him, Rodrigo from Mateo.  

Needless to say, the crowd was beyond thrilled to see them on the same stage again and some time was needed to  still their exuberance.  But finally, Rodrigo and Javi took their places on a pair of stools.  Javi explained the context to the song he planned on singing.  Fortunately, there were two in their small audience who were reasonably fluent in Spanish and translated for the rest of them.  Javi was going to sing a song called “Between the Sun and Mercury” and was dedicating it to the two most important people in his life, naming neither one.  Kurt looked at his lap and then back at the TV screen, remaining quiet.  Only Adam knew the significance of this song; he’d told him the story about the Thanksgiving duet he’d sung with Javi, and how it had been written for Kurt and Tonio, and of course he knew the symbolism behind it.  Again, Kurt felt as if Javi was trying to come out a degree at a time in his native country.  Rodrigo had to know what the song was about since he obviously knew about the Sun, and he was sure Javi had given an explanation to Rodrigo about who Mercury might be; after all, they were both songwriters.  And Javi had to be acutely aware that the lyric about someone dying would be a rather transparent reference to Tonio, especially to his fans.  It was a sweet, but somewhat somber song, and was greeted with the kind of applause and cheers almost any unfamiliar song elicited.  They followed up with Besame (Kiss Me), always a favorite having its roots in the original Mateo.  Although Rodrigo was not Tonio when it came to singing falsetto, he did an adequate job, and the crowd barely noticed; it was more than enough to witness the former bandmates performing together again.  At one point, the cameras cut away to reveal two men seated in the crowd watching intently.  Kurt had no doubt this must be Javi’s father and brother.  When the duo was finished thanking their very appreciative audience, Kurt silently slipped from the room, making his way to their bedroom, swiftly shutting the door to the bathroom and liberating his emotions in a river of grateful tears.  What an adorably tenderhearted thing to do!  In song, Javi was sending a message across the miles telling Kurt that he was just as much in Monterrey as Javi was.  

When the last bristly branch was adorned, when the last sprigs of holly and mistletoe had been strategically placed for optimum kissing opportunities, when the last star and angel topped the smallest tree, when the last stocking had been hung from the mantle with care, and the last cup of eggnog had been consumed, aaannnnddd after the last friend and neighbor had waved good night, probably more cheered and spirited than when they’d arrived, Kurt, Adam and Ethan collapsed on the living room couch, pleasantly tired.  Kurt offered to make a trip to the kitchen for some drinks and munchies and they gratefully accepted his offer.  

“Wow, Kurt!  Does Javi spend all of his spare time writing you Spanish love songs?”  Ethan laughed, and Adam’s face turned a guilty red when Kurt gave him a sidelong glance.  “Well….what was I supposed to tell him when you just got up and left like that?”  “Maybe something like….it’s none of your business?” That eyebrow dancing with his forehead.  “Oh, come on, Kurt!  We’re talking Ethan….my boyfriend….what’s he going to do, sell this tidbit to the National Enquirer or something?  He’s probably thinking how lucky you are since HIS boyfriend hasn’t written him any love songs!”  Ethan glanced over at Adam and said, “That’s true!  And why is that Adam?”  Adam rolled his eyes and Kurt backed down.  “As a matter of fact, that is all he does in his spare time and next year after his tour he’s going to release an entire album devoted only to songs about me.  Now, let’s get this place cleaned up so we can all get some sleep!”  “Okay, Mercury,” Ethan laughed, “I hear you can orbit the Earth in 88 days, so it shouldn’t take us too long!”  Kurt gave them both a shove and headed for the kitchen.

He’d received a text from Javi in the middle of the night, several I love yous, I miss yous and a selfie of him and Rodrigo waving, saying he’d try to call Sunday evening.  Kurt replied with his own unique expressions of love…and he almost took a picture of the tree, until he remembered Javi didn’t know about his surprise.  When he woke up, the whole middle of the night conversation was sort of fuzzy (proof of just how tired he’d been), but he was positive Javi had said nothing about the rendezvous with his father….he checked his phone just to be sure.  

What an eventful weekend.  Possible reconciliations and decorating parties, a successful music festival, good friends and hopefully for Javi a new chance at family.  Kurt took his time meeting the day, actually discovering he still liked being alone on occasion.  After fixing himself a reasonably healthy breakfast after yesterday’s snack food, he wandered the house marveling at the way the decorating had come together, memories and greenery and mistletoe…maybe next year he’d have his own decorations here…and they would have their very own ornaments to add to the what seemed like bottomless tubs of Christmas past and present. He settled onto the couch in the media room, hugging Javi’s red velvet pillow.  This would be his final performance and he assumed they were the duets he was singing with Mario Sandoval and Chris Syler.   And yet again, the cameras focused at least once on Javi’s father and brother.  Kurt had to wonder if that made them uncomfortable; they didn’t seem like the type to enjoy being in the spotlight.  And he was curious as to what the three of them had talked about this weekend.  Would it be possible for them to reconcile after almost two decades of separation? How did one place their trust in the hands of the single person you always thought you could depend on once that trust had been breached?   As with everything else, time would tell, and almost without noticing the thought of Blaine planted itself in his mind – reconciliation? friendship?  Was it even wanted or possible?  He quickly let go of the thought.  Now was not the time.  Javi would be returning with a much heavier burden than rebuilding a friendship with an ex-lover.  He wanted to concentrate his full attention on supporting his Javito if he chose to take the steps necessary that would allow him to carry his heart home to Quintana Roo.