CHAPTER 25 IN THE SHADOWS

CHAPTER 25 – IN THE SHADOWS

Kurt had waited around while Javi and Julian packed up their gear, offering to help but they refused. They’d done this a million times and had the routine down pat. As Kurt took a seat, several of the patrons came over and introduced themselves and asked a few questions about he and Adam’s migration to CA, how they liked it, just small talk. He smiled to himself about the fact that San Diego was finally beginning to feel like home. Even Adam was talking to some new people. My how their lives had changed in a week.

It was a little before midnight when Javi was ready to leave. Between the friends who were hugging him and congratulating him, knowing what a big step this was, and some even hugging Kurt, they finally walked into the balmy, bordering on cool, evening.

They walked in silence for a while until Javi finally said, “I really didn’t plan that. I hope I didn’t embarrass you…I hope it wasn’t too soon…” Kurt stopped him, firmly laid hold of his shoulders and turned him so that they were standing face to face. “Javi, that was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. Maybe it’s the artist in you and me, but expressing yourself in a song that you wrote yourself….” He had to look away.

Kurt still couldn’t quite believe that this phenomenal and sometimes disconcerting man was in his life. Even though he knew Javi hadn’t planned it, the message was so personal and intentional. Could a person be intentionally spontaneous? No matter, the message had been received. Coleccionista de Canciones was Javi’s love song to Tonio and vice versa, but Tonio was no longer in the picture for whatever reason. The song he’d sung to Kurt was meant for him and Javi. Stolen phrases from the song came back to him, “I don’t ask of you the impossible because it exists already between you and me…you are the echo to my silence….we still have things to discover…” Kurt closed his eyes for a moment and fervently hoped it was true.

When he opened his eyes, Javi was watching him intently. Kurt couldn’t help himself, they were alone on the sidewalk and there was a building behind them in the shadows. Still holding Javi’s shoulders, he gently…and then with urgency pressed him against the building, took Javi’s arms, placed them around his neck, and moved into Javi’s embrace until there were no barriers between them. Suddenly, the balmy evening became so sultry he was sure he was going to melt and evaporate. As Kurt’s lips fell upon Javi’s, he heard him gasp….Javi pulled him even tighter, if that was possible. This was not a tutorial on the difference between cake and frosting, this was raw passion. And as much as this moment scared them both, neither wanted to stop….finally, Javi took control and gently pushed Kurt away.

“Are you sure you don’t have some Latinx blood in you, Kurt?” He took a ragged breath, and in a low voice sighed, “It feels like I’ve known you forever and I know that sounds cliched, but….”

Kurt could not believe what had just happened. It was not at all like him to basically attack someone on a city sidewalk, no matter it wasn’t New York and it was dark. How were they ever going to survive the plan they’d made? He slowly pulled away from Javi and said, “sort of like, “I don’t ask of you the impossible, because it exists already between you and me..?” “Yes, yeah, exactly like that.” As they took a few moments to come back from wherever they’d gone, Javi looked into Kurt’s kaleidoscope eyes and said, “I think I’ve met my match in you, my beautiful Kurtito…and it scares me to death, but in a good way.” As composed as they were going to get, Javi reached for Kurt’s fingers and soon they were standing in front of Kurt’s building.

Do you mind if I come up for a while? There’s something I really need to talk about,” Javi asked, not sure if this was the best idea after….well, just after…but he had unintentionally set something in motion tonight and now he had to follow through with it…or was it unintentional? He was usually so sure of himself, but this boy from Ohio….oh, no, no, no! No one with that much passion, and the knowledge and ability to understand how to use it the way he did, was a mere boy. Kurt had revealed far more than he realized. He may think he was unsure of himself, and at 22 he was bound to be unsure of some things, but in truth he didn’t see what others saw in him. He seemed oblivious to his own unadorned and undisguised sensuality. He’d meant it when he’d told Kurt he thought he’d met his match in him.

He needed to talk to Kurt about Antonio. Maybe not all of it, but enough so that he wouldn’t hear it from someone else. Even though he knew he was finally moving on completely, Tonio would always be in his heart, his mind, everything that was Javi.

“Sure!” Kurt replied, not even close to being sure. But if Javi was willing to take that risk after what just happened, he knew it had to be important. No matter how spontaneous Javi thought he was, and he was loving his spontaneity because it was bringing out the spontaneity in himself that had felt dead for so long, he was careful, too, as in he cared enough to follow through on his promises to himself, no matter how difficult it was to walk that path. He sincerely hoped he was a match for Javi, as he’d said. He wanted that sense of certainty and strength that he saw in this sprite of a man who could go from playful to dead serious to breathtakingly passionate in the time it took to walk from You Are Here to….God! wherever they were now.