KLAINE BASED FAN FICTION

CHAPTER 52 – MARCO POLO

They allowed themselves one more lazy day together, except for packing. Once they got on that plane there would be no time or place for a day like this. Javi had never been to Ohio and until Kurt came along couldn’t have told you where it was on a US map. He’d been asking Kurt questions ever since they’d decided to go to Lima for Thanksgiving. Kurt was pretty sure that no one had ever taken this much interest in Lima, Ohio. If he wasn’t asking about Lima proper, he was asking about Kurt’s years there, about his dad, his mom, his step-mom, his friends. He knew that Javi was just a tad nervous. The last time he’d met anyone’s parents, they had been Tonio’s, but he was pretty much in his comfort zone then; Mexico City, Tonio’s parents knew who Javi was long before they ever met him in person. Kurt had plans to meet up with old friends, mostly from Glee Club, and of course he wanted them to meet Javi. Yes, this was all outside Javi’s comfort zone, his friends were scattered all over the world, he no longer had anything even resembling a family, except for Belita, beautiful Bela, he hoped to see her at Christmas.

They found themselves on the screened-in patio, sipping coffee, listening to the birds chatter and cheep. “Ohhhh, Javi, do we really have to leave this California paradise for midwestern monsoons?” Javi glanced at Kurt and laughed, “Really, Kurt, monsoons? I doubt Ohio has ever seen a monsoon!” Kurt had a penchant for alliteration. “I know, but at the very least it’ll be freezing cold with a possibility for rain, snow, ice….how I really don’t miss that.” “It’s only for a few days, Kurt. We’re not moving there….we aren’t, are we?” Javi joked, “And think of all the fun we’re going to have, your family, your friends, lots of love there, mi amigo.”

“Come over here; sit with me, Kurtito,” Javi said. He and Kurt just barely fit together on the lounge chair but neither was complaining. “And I’m really going to miss this. Us, not being able to touch like this whenever we want, wherever we want…” Kurt said as he caressed Javi’s chest. “But just think what it’s going to be like when we get back? Maybe we’ll even think of some new ways to touch each other…..at night when you’re sleeping in one room and I’m in another….gives us plenty of time to use our imagination, mi amor.” Javi had already discussed sleeping arrangements before Kurt had talked to Burt. Javi had told Kurt he wouldn’t feel comfortable sleeping in the same bed with Kurt, not yet. He said it was a matter of respect for his parents; even though Burt didn’t seem to mind, Javi didn’t want him to assume anything about him or his relationship with his son. The fact that Burt didn’t mind put him at ease somewhat, but it hadn’t changed his mind. Javi pulled Kurt on top of him and kissed him whispering, “I’m already imagining.”

Burt and Carole were about as prepared as they could be. Carole was excited, having watched and listened to Javi for a month, it would be so much fun to actually meet him. Burt seemed more at ease after talking to Kurt a few times, especially during the time Javi had been in Mexico. He trusted his son’s judgment of character. He didn’t view Blaine as a lapse in that judgment. Despite everything, he knew Blaine was a very good person. He’d come to know him quite well. He saw Blaine as someone who had a weakness in one area and even though that weakness had hurt his son deeply, it hadn’t changed his opinion of Blaine. No! Of course he didn’t like what had happened between Kurt and Blaine, but life was hard and everyone had weaknesses, especially when they were only in their 20s and hadn’t had time to mature. Kurt had told him that Javi was a little nervous about meeting them, although Javi had never actually said so. When Kurt told his dad about all the questions with regard to Lima, Burt had said the same thing as Kurt was thinking, and laughed. No one asked that many questions about Lima, ever!

Blaine was flying back today. He’d decided if he was going to do this reunion right, he’d take a whole week. Who knows? If he actually moved to LA he might not be back again for a very long time. And truth be told he didn’t really want to be in New York when Barry came to get his stuff. He’d already talked to him about it and Barry didn’t seem all that eager to see Blaine again either. For Blaine that pretty much said it all. He told Barry he’d think about LA and get back with him once it got closer to graduation. At least that part was settled.

Day after tomorrow he’d be meeting Kurt. He had done the Kurt thing; notebook, feelings, questions, some answers. It did help actually. Seeing it on paper made it easier to stop spending his time endlessly musing why he was feeling this way. The timing of Kurt’s call maybe? He was in the process of ending his relationship with Barry and he wasn’t unaware that where thoughts of Barry arose, Kurt would naturally be there, invading Blaine’s mind as he finally had to deal with what he’d destroyed, no, not just what, but who. He knew he was right in seeking counseling. Until he could lay the guilt and whatever else to rest, he’d be struggling. He’d had to ask himself if Kurt wanted him back today what would he say, what would he want? He’d say yes. But why would he say yes? Because Kurt was and always would be the best thing that ever happened to him. Honestly, he couldn’t see Kurt ever wanting him back, but until he met with him and knew where his head and heart were at, he’d have to set all that aside. It would be more than a monumental task to rebuild their relationship, even as friends, but all he could do was ask. He’d deal with the fallout or repairing when he had an answer.

Kurt used his arms to lift himself off of Javi hissing and laughing, “Javi, stop! What are you doing?” “Obviously, I’m unbuttoning your shirt, now stop fighting me,” Javi snickered. “Javi, no….” He tried to push his hands away as Javi struggled to divest him of his shirt, “anyone can hear us out here!” he sort of looked around like a neighbor might be sneaking over the wooden security fence. “Shhhh, Kurtito! No one is going to hear us….and so what if they do? I’m a celebrity, remember?” Javi struck a silly pose, “They expect all kinds of strange behavior from people like me!….now let me take off the damn shirt!” Kurt acquiesced, as Javi lifted him up, kissed him and then threw him in the pool. When Kurt came up for air, he swam over to Javi who was sitting on the edge of the pool, laughing at him, and quite obviously aroused. “Oh, mi little Kurtito, what was it you called me once….oh, yes! A water baby….I believe I was trapped in a shower? He looked down and said, “Hmmmm….well, I think it’s rather conspicuous…I’m no baby…and the chilly water hasn’t made me a shrinking violet,” he laughed at his own analogy as he slid into the pool and started yelling “Marco!” He did it again only louder, “Marco!” Kurt kept trying to shush him, “Stop it!” No, no, you’re supposed to say, “Polo, not stop it!” He started to say it again and Kurt tried to put his hand over his mouth, but Javi pulled him tightly against him and kissed him, exploring his mouth, playing with his tongue, reaching for Kurt with a hand underneath the water, Kurt trying to stop him….but it felt too good and he moaned as Javi used him as his plaything. He wrapped his arms around Javi’s neck wanting to tell him to stop, although he wasn’t sure why anymore, “Javi, stop…..your neighbors….oh my god, Javi…..you’re driving me….crazy….”Oh, does that feel good?…..how about this?…..yes, I know you like this…” and he yelled, “Marco!” again…

“Kurtito the neighbors will never know….unless I touch you here,” Kurt gasped and almost choked on some water, “oh yessss…please…..there…. right there….” he instinctively wrapped his legs around Javi’s waist as they moved toward the edge of the pool on the shallow end and Javi laid Kurt down beneath him on the incline of the pool, leaving Kurt’s legs wrapped around him. As Kurt lay on his back, his bent legs loosened around Javi’s waist and naturally spread and Javi took advantage using both hands, touching Kurt, using his fingers to tickle, his hands roaming everywhere…..his inner thighs, along his crack, tickling, then caressing his cojones (I’m tired of balls, okay? ;-), knowing his poor Kurtito was at his mercy and loving every second, “Shhhh! Mi amor, the neighbors might hear, I have a reputation to maintain….quiet!….here, maybe this will help…” he said as he braced his arms beneath the water and began rubbing his cock over Kurt’s, the water creating a slippery eroticism, “God……Javi, oh my….God…..what…” Kurt lowered his legs still spread wide as he tried to slip his hand over Javi’s hard-on….”not yet….no, no not yet…were you going to ask what I’m doing?” and he continued to rub their cocks across and around each other, having forgotten how hot this felt, even in soaking wet underwear…in some ways because of the soaking wet underwear……”What? You don’t like what I’m doing? Oh, I think you like it a lot, mi amor…. Why don’t you tell the neighbors how much you like it….well, unless you really don’t…I can always stop…..” He continued for a few minutes more, then used his hands to anchor Kurt’s hips and resumed the movement, anywhere he could make contact with Kurt’s skin, listening to Kurt trying without much success to express his intense pleasure quietly. But when Javi released his hips and took Kurt’s cojones (still tired of balls; if anyone has any suggestions that don’t sound as ridiculous as what I find online, please, I’m open to suggestions: same with penis!) in one hand, holding his cock firmly at its base, using his other hand to stroke from its base to its head, slowly, making sure he didn’t engage the sensitive head too much….not yet. Kurt’s involuntary pleas for slower then faster, softer then harder and his final breathless, “Javiiiiiii…now….I can’t take….much…..m….now….. please…” as Javi slid his hand over the head feeling Kurt come, Javi thought the neighbors would have to be deaf not to hear them, actually quite pleased with himself! He got out of the pool and sat on the edge, leaving Kurt to regain some equilibrium before getting back in the pool.

He was kind of thirsty. He looked over at the table between the lounge chairs where a pitcher of water remained from earlier. He got up, padding over to the table and chairs. He was just getting ready to pour the water into a glass when he felt Kurt’s arms encircle his waist. How could he have gotten out of the pool without Javi hearing? Did it really matter anymore? Kurt’s hands were repeating Javi’s earlier performance touching, tickling, gliding all over Javi’s body, wherever they could reach, as Javi closed his eyes and leaned back against him. Kurt began using one finger to caress him from back to front, then front to back, down his crack, over his balls, up his cock, kneeling on the porch floor. Then, he said, “Bend over, mi Javito…..” Javi complied, waiting for the hands and fingers that would create that sizzling current of electricity to engulf his body, then center itself in his lower abdomen, and Kurt did not disappoint. Kurt began the dance down his crack again, stopping just short of touching his balls, then repeating the movement until Javi could barely stand still, “No more teasing…..touch me…..Kurt……sto….oh, my God…..yes….don’t stop…..don’t stop…” as he bent over the table, legs spread, Kurt was fondling his balls while running that single finger from the base of his cock to the head, finally settling his hand at the base just as Javi had done, holding his balls firmly using his other hand slowly and steadily never increasing the pace until Javi was begging, just like Kurt had, pleading with him to move faster, and he did, never letting up on his hold; he knew Javi was ready but he wanted to hear it, “Say it, Javito, tell me what you want…..tell me how much you want it….the neighbors probably want to know, too…..oh, come on, Javi…..what do you want…hmmmm?” Javi had reached a point where he didn’t really care who heard what, “Faster…..oh, God, Kurt…..faster….” Kurt very slightly allowed his hand to graze the head….”Yes….Kurt….more.. ..stop teasing…..now……take it….make me come…please, ple…..now!….” and that’s exactly what Kurt did, holding onto Javi’s waist for a moment. Finally, he turned around and grabbed Kurt by the shoulders, kissing Kurt hard, then letting go, pushing him into one of the lounge chairs. “That was fun, doncha think?” he smiled and Kurt started laughing. “See? No one called the police, no one dropped by to see what we were doing, no one yelled for us to keep it down; California, you’ve really gotta love it, Kurtito!” When Kurt had gotten his laughing under control he said, “Yeah, in Ohio we’d never get away with that, even with a private pool and an eight-foot security fence!” “Well, I guess it’s a good thing we did it here then, right?” Suddenly, Kurt noticed the tattoo of the bird over Javi’s waist. It had expanded! “Javi, you changed your tattoo in Mexico?” The changes only made it look sexier than it had before; it almost looked like black lace spanning from one hip bone to the other.

Kurt shook his head, “Javi, Lima isn’t going to know what hit them.” Javi gave Kurt one of his own looks, one hand on his hip and a raised eyebrow, “If it’s as cold as you say, I don’t plan on showing it off….well, unless you want me to show your friends or something. You keep telling me what an exhibitionist I am.” “Well, you are! Not that I’m complaining, of course.” Javi plopped down in the other lounge chair and sighed, “Do you realize we’ve been walking around in our underwear all weekend?” “To quote the wisdom of Javier Ramos Ruiz, it was fun, doncha think?” Yes, it had definitely been fun!

I reworded the song You Are Not Alone by Michael Jackson to fit the story, so when you listen to the song read along with the lyrics.

CHAPTER 51 – BETWEEN THE SUN AND MERCURY

When Javi awoke he had to piece together where he was.  With eyes still closed the tantalizing aroma of coffee drifted through the open bedroom door along with the unmistakable smell of eggs and sausage.  Home: San Diego, Kurt….for him that was home now.  How could he possibly have survived all of those lonely years between Tonio and Kurt.  And sometimes that’s how it felt, in a good way.  Tonio anchoring him at one pole, Kurt anchoring him at another; between the Sun and Mercury.  And the years in between?  Like aimlessly floating in space or possibly orbiting his music; the one thing that kept him sane.  

He heard Kurt enter the room.  Upon opening his eyes, there was Kurt with a tray full of food – eggs, sausage, hash browns and espresso.  Kurt had finally reached a point where he actually made a decent cup of espresso.  Javi sat up and Kurt carried the tray over to the side of the bed where Javi was, placed it over his lap and then went back to get his own.  After everything was arranged so that nothing would spill, he got back under the covers, leaned back against the headboard and turned his gaze on Javi.  Javi touched his cheek and then gave him a warm, almost chaste kiss.  It felt like they were meeting for the first time all over again.  Kurt suddenly felt shy.  And yet whatever it was that had been altered between them….it felt just like last night for Kurt; like some sort of force field surrounded them, like they were linked by something stronger and more secure than had existed just a day ago.  

They set about eating, Javi complimenting Kurt on his much improved ability to make espresso and everything else about the meal as well; when was the last time anyone had served him breakfast in bed?  Javi said he hadn’t had a decent breakfast since leaving San Diego.  When they were done, they set the trays on the floor and laid back on their pillows, hands behind their heads.

“So what do you want to do with the rest of the day, mi Javito?”  It was late morning, “I want nothing more than to lay in this bed with you and have conversations or listen to music or watch a movie, as long as I don’t have to leave this bed.  I missed you….I missed us…so much, mi amor.”  Kurt laid his head on Javi’s shoulder as Javi drew him closer so he was cradled against his chest.  “Mi Javito…..what happened last night?  Why….do we feel different?”  Javi chuckled and asked, “Which part of last night?  The part where you made your debut as Beyonce…or the part where you put Mick to shame?  Or the part where you literally and figuratively tied me in knots?  The part where I somewhat successfully put you in your place?  Maybe the part that caused me to wake up with sore lips?”  “You know what I mean….” Kurt said.

Javi sighed and grew quiet, “I don’t really have a good answer for that.  Possibly because we were apart for an extended period of time and for the first time.  Possibly because we’re becoming more intimate in every way, our minds, our hearts, our bodies – as I’m sure you’re aware by now, learning how a person’s body responds and what a person likes is a gift that shouldn’t be exchanged lightly; it should be taken seriously, especially in a long-term relationship, people change, bodies change.  I know I can trust you with all of me; if I didn’t know that I would never have allowed you to restrain me like that and you would never have trusted me to touch you much more intimately than I ever have; you were in a very vulnerable position but you trusted that I knew what I was doing and wouldn’t do it without your consent.  Probably all of the above, mi creative, thoughtful, exciting, red hot, shamelessly sexy Kurtito!  Does it bother you?  Are you troubled?”

“Oh, no, no!”  Kurt said and kissed the hand that lay on his chest, “On the contrary, mi corazon.  I feel…I don’t know….how do I put it in words….I feel so treasured?  Like we’ve been gift wrapped for each other….like…we’ve been slowly opening the boxes….and…and we just peeked inside and discovered another something we really like?  No…not something we really like…. something we need.  It’s so strange and comforting.  Like we’re connected by a thread?  A cord?  Something that either wasn’t there before or I didn’t recognize it?  Is that what you feel?”

Javi kissed his hair, “Have you ever heard the phrase, “a strand of three cords is not easily broken”?  The idea is expressed in different words in many faith traditions. I noticed you had one of my Bibles and some other books on your nightstand.  The phrase is from the book of Ecclesiastes.  It’s used a lot in weddings, but what it means is that when two people are joined together and have God at the center, the cord is strengthened a thousand times.  I don’t know where you’re at on your spiritual journey, but the fact that you’re searching says that you’ve recognized you need to be on one.  Whatever you come to believe, whether it’s what I believe or not, our relationship is strengthened by faith.  Not everyone would agree with me, but…..Kurt, we’re bound together by trust, hope, desire, love…..and whatever happened last night, all of those things are stronger.  It’s nothing to be afraid of, but it is something to celebrate.”  Javi cupped Kurt’s chin and turned his face so he could look him squarely in the eye.  How Kurt loved those gentle brown eyes, the steady gaze that said what words could not.  Kurt tipped his head and drew Javi’s face to his, kissing him, whispering, “Thank you.” 

 
Javi just smiled and then suddenly his face lit up like a Christmas tree!  “Oh, mi Kurtito!  What you did last night?  You did all of that for me?”  Kurt smiled, too, “So you liked it?”  Javi laughed with complete abandon, “Did I like it?  Have you lost your mind?  I haven’t had lips so tender from kissing in a very, very long time!  It’s like waking up with a hickey on your mouth!  And all the memories that caused it!  Where did you get that black outfit?  And I really love it when you mingle music into all of it.  Honest, I’ve never seen anyone do it as good as you do.  You had to have practiced…..oh, how I would have loved to be here to watch that!”

“But then it wouldn’t have been a surprise, Javito!  The outfit was one I wore back in high school.  I don’t know why, but I asked Dad to send it with the one from Le Jazz Hot!…and don’t get any ideas!  I’m not going to perform for The Rafters.  I didn’t have to practice Single Ladies much, it came back pretty quickly, but it did feel kind of weird watching myself do a strip to Moves Like Jagger in front of a mirror….” he burst out laughing at the thought, to which Javi replied, “Will you do that again just for me?  I want to make sure you got all the moves right; moving like Jagger requires lots of practice…..hmmmm….maybe we could move like Jagger together….with practice, lots of practice….or maybe we could do a mutual strip….kind of like I’ll show you my moves, you show me yours….and then when you’re all naked…..oh! don’t you just love that word…naked?”  Kurt was still laughing, “Says the man with sore lips!  But yes you have mentioned it once or twice..”  “I don’t need my lips to strip you naked!”  Kurt couldn’t stop, “And what about the thong?  Are you going to put that on again? “For you, Kurtito, anything!  I will put on and take off anything!”
Soooo good!  This felt so very, very good!  Laying here with nothing to do but laugh, love and catch up on the latest with his adorable, whimsical lover.  When they finally stopped laughing and had wandered into other topics, Kurt decided this would be a good time to talk to Javi about his dream.  He wanted to tell him before they left for Lima.  

“Um, I had that dream twice while you were gone, and it keeps evolving, but I think some of it is starting to make a little sense.”  Javi waited, working very hard not to ask questions or interrupt; he’d learned long ago you often learned more keeping silent, although it was never easy to wait.  

“This is sort of how the dream appears now.  All of us, you, me, Antonio and Blaine are in the auditorium where we went to high school.  Blaine and I are on the stage with Antonio.  You’re sitting in the audience chairs wearing my Le Jazz Hot! costume,”  they both laughed a little, “Blaine’s singing I Want You Back, I’m singing It’s Too Late and Antonio’s acting as a sort of referee.  Okay, I think that part’s pretty obvious.  You know the strange vibes I was getting from Blaine’s texts?”  Of course, Javi remembered that.  Even before the dream details, he’d been waiting for Kurt to come to that conclusion, that indeed Blaine probably wanted him back.  Tonio as a referee?  He had to hide a smile; that was Tonio for sure, protective Tonio.  “Sure, I remember, mi Kurtito. But why obvious?  Dreams are dreams.  I’ll admit I’ve been thinking that since you first told me about his texts, but what if he wants you back but maybe as a friend and not a lover?  He doesn’t know about us so who knows what he may be thinking.  And what about his boyfriend?  Are they still together?”  Kurt didn’t say anything, sort of confused by Javi’s reaction.  “Does this help any?  I’m wearing the Single Ladies outfit I wore last night and dancing to a Carole King song about it being too late?”  again, they laughed, “it sounds to me like I’m making a statement…single ladies?  It’s too late?”  

“Kurt, I understand what you’re saying, but I have to play devil’s advocate here.  Knowing you, I’m sure you’ve analyzed this whole situation and the dreams to death.  You probably have them all listed in separate color-coded compartments in your notebook.  And that’s one thing I absolutely love about you.  You examine every situation from every angle.  But I have to ask you?  Are you sure it’s too late for you and Blaine?”  Javi swallowed hard.  Saying the words almost made him sick, but this wasn’t about Javi; it was about Kurt, his future, his happiness…..well, and Javi’s too, but he had to know for a number of reasons, one being that meeting Kurt’s parents was a huge deal to him.  He couldn’t go to Ohio knowing that Kurt had any real doubts.  If after he met with Blaine and felt differently, they’d cross that bridge, but he had to know that at least for now, Kurt was sure of his feelings for Javi and his lack of feelings for Blaine.

Kurt didn’t know what to say; he was shocked that this sensitive, loving, beautiful man could think he’d even consider such a thing.  After all the conversations and tears, tears he’d cried right here in Javi’s arms over a dead relationship, Javi was still insecure about their relationship.  Then, again, knowing how long and how far Javi had come to arrive here, Kurt by his side….yeah, he guessed he could understand that.  

Kurt fought hard not to cry, “Oh, my love, my precious Javi….no….it was over the day I walked out the door in New York.  It was over when I drove all the way across the country and landed here in San Diego.  It was without a doubt over the night we met.  I could no more leave behind all that we have, that we will have, that I can’t wait for us to have…you would have to lock me out of your house, move back to Mexico forever, tell me this,” Kurt waved his hands at his surroundings,” was all a lie, a mistake….and even then…..Javito, why would I ever leave the one person who seems to think the sun, moon and stars rise and set with me?  No, no, no.”

“Not even as a friend?” Javi managed to ask, his throat still tight.  Kurt half smiled and sighed, “Why would I need a friend who lives 3000 miles away?  Who I haven’t talked to in 2 years?  That betrayed my trust 2 years ago and that I don’t trust now?  Why? “But what if he’s changed?  People can and do change….and for the good.  You were friends once….soulmates, Kurt….” “Javi, I don’t care if he’s become Jesus Christ Superstar!  You are my friend, you are my soulmate now, even you said a person can have more than one in a lifetime.  This isn’t like if Antonio came back into your life or could. Antonio didn’t break your heart…twice!  He didn’t lead you to believe everything was getting better…and then prove to you it wasn’t!”

Kurt turned Javi’s face toward his; the usually forthright Javi couldn’t even look at Kurt while expressing his uncharacteristic insecurities.  “Please, look at me, love, please.  I don’t want or need Blaine as a friend or anything else.  I’m sure he has changed; I have.  Blaine and I are a complication we don’t need, even if you told me being friends with him is fine with you.  It’s not fine with me.  Now, please, kiss me and quit talking like a crazy person.”  He wiped away the tear he saw on Javi’s cheek and kissed him pouring every drop of love he owned into showing him how very much he meant to him.  In the middle of the kiss, he remembered the gift he’d gotten for him and Javi.  

“Let me show you how much you and I mean to me.”  Kurt walked over and opened one of the dresser drawers and returned to sit beside Javi, carrying two jewelry boxes in his hand. He handed one to Javi and asked him to open it.  He looked up at Kurt and then down, opening the box.  Inside was a double-stranded gold necklace, like the one Kurt had been wearing the day they’d Skyped.  He lifted it up, one strand held a key and the other a lock.  It was beautiful.  Kurt opened the other box to reveal an identical necklace and said, “These are symbolic of us.  The keys are to our hearts.  The key on yours opens the lock on mine and this key,” he held up his necklace, “opens the lock on yours.  Does that tell you how very much I want you in my life and how very much I want to be in yours?”  Javi put his necklace on and then took Kurt’s and clasped it around his neck.  Javi nodded and held Kurt to his heart, “Kurt, you don’t need to unlock my heart; you already own it.  It will never be locked away from you.” 

Only a couple more days and he’d be in Lima, walking back into his past.  He hadn’t been there but maybe twice since Kurt left.  His family had never been that close and without Kurt there was no real reason to return.  He’d thought about calling Burt, just to talk, but then he thought better of it.  Burt had been the closest thing to a real father he’d ever had.  Sure, his dad was alive and well, but they just never could relate to each other in a significant way.  This whole reunion idea had been his stepmom’s.  Blaine sighed and laid down on the couch.  He’d gone to a neighborhood party the night before and he was tired.  It had been fun, and he’d probably drank a little too much, but everyone kept asking him about Barry and when he’d be back.  He gave them a vague answer about him returning after Thanksgiving, leaving out the part about his move to LA.  
His mind just wouldn’t leave it alone.  Kurt and his questions.  And what would be Blaine’s answers.  Would they help him….maybe them?  He hated thinking this way.  He knew he wasn’t really in love with Barry anymore, if he ever really was.  He didn’t even miss him very much.  And he was pretty sure Barry felt the same.  If he took him up on the invitation to move to LA it almost certainly would be as friends or whatever.  And did he want to move to LA?  He loved acting and singing.  His dream had always existed in the movies or as a singer/songwriter.  New York and NYADA had just been a means to an end and it had served him well, but he didn’t want to make his life here.  LA was a logical next step.  I don’t have to decide my entire future in a single night, he thought.

And it drove him crazy that he didn’t know what he felt for Kurt.  When Barry had still been in the picture, he barely gave Kurt a second thought and he knew a part of that was because he couldn’t bear what he’d done to him.  He was determined to be a better partner for Barry; he didn’t like the Blaine who had broken the same heart twice.  And he knew Kurt didn’t want or even need to hear his sorries.  But, it was evident he and Barry didn’t want the same things from a relationship.  If Kurt would even consider taking him back, would he want to take that risk…for Kurt’s sake?  And why was he even thinking that way?  It seemed like his mind had been in the past ever since Kurt called.  Why hand Kurt Blaine’s insecurities to deal with all over again?   Honestly?  He couldn’t wait to get back after Thanksgiving to start counseling.  He already had his first appointment set.  Maybe they could still rebuild a friendship?  Surely something was worth salvaging.  Did people who were soulmates suddenly cease to be?  He needed sleep and he knew it.  He turned on the sound of ocean waves and let them wash over his mind and his thoughts.

KLAINE FAN VIDEO – SOULMATE

Javi held Kurt….and held Kurt….and held Kurt…..why was he feeling this way?  And this thoughtful, loving gift? The necklaces were so Kurt!  He knew Kurt loved him and he knew he loved Kurt; no they had not actually said the words, but they both knew why they weren’t saying them…..yet.  It was a bridge you could never uncross.  Kurt had never given him a reason to doubt him or his feelings.  If anything, he just kept affirming them and reaffirming them every day.  He didn’t know why he was feeling this way, but Kurt had said something that reminded him of the gift he wanted to give him before they left for Ohio.  The song he’d written for him….for them.  Finally, he released Kurt and said, “I have a gift for you, too…well, for us, I guess.  What you said about the sun, moon and stars?  It reminded me and I want you to have it before we go to Ohio; I guess that’s one of the reasons I had to say….what I said before.  Anyway, I wrote a song.”  Kurt crossed the room and picked up Javi’s guitar sitting in its stand by the wall; Kurt was trying to learn how to play, too.  Neither he nor Javi were all that great at it, but he figured Javi would want something to accompany himself.  “I called it Between the Sun and Mercury.”  Kurt was curious. Antonio was the Sun and Kurt was Mercury, he knew.  “If you like it, maybe we could learn to sing it together.  There are parts in it for both of us.”

YOU ARE NOT ALONE – MICHAEL JACKSON

BETWEEN THE SUN AND MERCURY
MOON – JAVI : The Sun arose for me

And shone so I could see

I flourished in his light

But he’s not here tonight

MOON – JAVI: You couldn’t say goodbye

 Why did you have to die

The day is now the night

The Moon has lost its sight

MOON – JAVI: I want to take your hand in mine

Let you kiss the tears away

But then I hear your voice inside, it says

SUN – ANTONIO:

The Moon is not alone

The Sun shines in your sky

Though the clouds may hide

The Sun and Moon abide

SUN – ANTONIO:

I’m never far away Just look inside your soul

There my brightness shines

The Moon is always mine

No, you are not alone

SUN – ANTONIO:

You’re shining on your own

Your Mercury found the way

To make his heart your home

So take him in your arms

The heavens you will share

The answer to your prayers

Together you will fly

And shimmer in the sky

SUN – ANTONIO:

So let him take your hand in hisLet him kiss your tears away
Now listen to his voice inside, it says 

MERCURY – KURT:

The Moon is not alone
Mercury lives in you The sky is open wide

The planets still abide
I’m never far away Just look inside your soul

There our brightness shines

The planets now align
No, you are not alone

MERCURY – KURT:

Don’t have to search, cuz I’ll be waiting

Inside your heart, right by your side

By your side!

MOON – JAVI:

The Moon is not alone
Now I live in you

 The sky is open wide

The planets still abide
I’m never far away Just look inside your soul

There our lights combine

The planets now align
No, you are not alone

MOON – JAVI: The Moon is not alone 

SUN – ANTONIO: (The Moon is not alone)

MERCURY – KURT: Now I live in you.  

SUN-ANTONIO: (Mercury lives in you)

MOON – JAVI:  The sky is open wide.

 SUN – ANTONIO: (The sky is open wide)

MERCURY – KURT:  The planets still abide.

 SUN – ANTONIO(The planets still abide)

MOON – JAVI : I’m never far away.  

SUN – ANTONIO : (He’s never far away)

MERCURY – KURT: Just look inside your soul.

 SUN – ANTONIO: (Just look inside your soul)

MOON – JAVI: There our lights combine.

SUN – ANTONIO: (There my brightness shines)

MERCURY – KURT: The planets now align

MERCURY – KURT & MOON – JAVI:  The Moon is not alone. 

SUN – ANTONIO:  (The Moon is not alone)    

Kurt was without words; all he had were tears….that was the most beautiful thing anyone hfgad ever sung for him.  What Javi was saying in that song?  It broke his heart while at the same time gluing it all back together, as if it had never been so horribly scarred, as if Javi’s had never been so horribly scarred.  It was Javi’s journey from his first soulmate, Antonio, to hopefully his last soulmate, Kurt.  Antonio (Sun) was helping Javi (Moon) let go of the bond between them, not just as symbolic heavenly bodies, but as soulmates.  Kurt (Mercury) was being given what Kurt considered the honor of accepting Javi (Moon) as a gift from Antonio (Sun).  Kurt (Mercury) and Javi (Moon) were now free to take up their own place as equals in the skies.  Whereas, Sun and Moon complemented each other, the Moon and Mercury were most like each other of all the planets, equals…soulmates. In a way, it was like the cord of three strands.  Kurt had never viewed Tonio as a rival or as someone to be jealous of just because of the unbreakable bond that had existed between Antonio and Javi.  If anything, he was thankful for him.  None of them knew it at the time, but Antonio was preparing Javi for his relationship with Kurt.  And Javi had put all of that into this beautiful song.

Kurt took the guitar from Javi and laid it carefully back in its case and then he lightly pushed Javi back on the bed.  Neither of them had gotten dressed and they were still wearing only their underwear.  Kurt sat on Javi’s belly and looked at him.  He closed his eyes and slowly began tracing Javi’s face with his fingers, closing Javi’s eyes, too.  He ran his fingers through those blue-black curls, lazily playing with them.  When he was done, he reached for Javi’s face again, saying, “Javier.  Ramos. Ruiz. These are the things I love most about you.  Your eyes because they see far more than I will ever understand.  Your ears because they don’t just hear, they listen.  Your lips because they always try to speak the truth.  But most of all I love your heart because it beats to an invisible rhythm that somehow grounds you in worlds that I have yet to recognize.  And I love your nose because looking at it makes me want to kiss you,” and he did.

He leaned down and tenderly kissed Javi’s lips, then used his eyelashes to kiss his face, soft feathery butterfly kisses, until he reached Javi’s closed eyelids, fluttering his eyelashes over Javi’s own.  How Javi loved those long lashes.  “Open your eyes, mi Javiito, I want to see them turn from brown to black….because that’s what they do when we make love.”  Javi opened his eyes.  Kurt whispered, “Let me make love to you, mi amorcito.  Anyone who would write a song like that for me, for us, deserves a reward…”  Javi started to speak, but Kurt placed a finger over his lips silencing him.  “Shhhh….let me make love to you in silence…except for the sound of your pleasure….I want to hear every sigh….” 
Kurt’s heart was so full.  He lightly kissed Javi’s cheeks, the tip of his nose, again kissing across his left cheek until he found Javi’s ear, nibbling on his earlobe, lightly running his tongue behind his ear seeking that sensitive spot he knew so well.  He paused, taking his time, listening carefully to Javi’s breathing.  He found the scented oil, applying a small drop to his finger.  Again, he took Javi’s earlobe between his teeth, playing….as he slipped the oiled finger behind the opposite ear.  Listening to Javi’s sighs, he grasped his curls, still playing with one of his earlobes, letting his tongue speak without words.  Gently and idly he wandered Javi’s face, stopping at his chin and then his lips, flirting, caressing his way down his neck, Javi expressing his pleasure, repeating Kurt’s nicknames between yeses and quiet moans, “Mi Kurtito…..oh, yes, yessss….my Mercury…..don’t stop….there, yesss….yes there…”  There and there continually changing as Kurt used his hands, his tongue, his lips to express his love and desire, gently, slowly, in the velvety silence, punctuated only by Javi’s barely audible murmurs.  When Kurt had traversed Javi’s sensually talkative body right down to his toes, he stretched out beside him, turning Javi’s face to his and kissed him gently while running his hand over his chest and belly loving the feel of his skin.  When he opened his eyes, he smiled and whispered, “Your eyes are black as the night sky mi Moon, mi Luna… Javito…roll over….”  Silently, he turned onto his stomach.  When Kurt was sure Javi was comfortable, again, he reached for the oil pouring a generous amount into his hands.  He was no masseur, but he would do his best, remembering what he’d learned from Javi the night before, discovering even more about Javi’s body, his likes and dislikes.  He followed Javi’s lead starting with his feet and slowly making his way up, very quietly listening to Javi’s instructions on where and what satisfied his wants and needs.  As he finished massaging his neck, he used a finger to trace some of the oil into Javi’s lips as he lay with his head turned.  He kissed that side of his face again, barely nibbling his lips, whispering in his ear, “Raise your hips, mi amor…”  Javi, like Kurt had the night before, considered the words before complying with Kurt’s request.  

And just like Javi, Kurt whispered, “If this isn’t working for you let me know, love.”  Kurt pushed the comforter aside, not wanting to get oil on it.  Since Javi only had bikinis on and not a thong, he slid his oily hands underneath the briefs allowing himself to enjoy the feel of Javi’s muscled ass, closing his eyes, massaging slowly and steadily, still paying close attention to Javi’s breathing and murmurs.  He moved his hands as close as he dared to his balls….hearing Javi’s gasp, his moans….sliding his hands free, he poured a very liberal amount of oil into his hands and at first using both hands, one under the other, he cradled Javi’s cock in his hand as Javi relaxed into his hands.  Allowing the oil to soak Javi’s bikinis, he slid the other hand back, skimming his balls, with his fingers, playing just as Javi had, discovering what his lover enjoyed.  He felt Javi moving to his own rhythm in Kurt’s hand as Kurt tightened his hand slightly, Javi increasing the pace.  Kurt closed his eyes again, enjoying the feel of his shaft in his hands, cradling his balls, clothed though they were, the abundance of oil creating a greater degree of sensuality.  As he felt Javi’s body tense, he kept his eyes closed wanting to absorb these moments, listening to Javi’s moans, feeling him press harder against Kurt’s hand, sinking to the bed as he came.  The wet warmth was intoxicating for Kurt.  As Javi’s breathing slowed, he opened his eyes and found Kurt laying beside him, watching him.  “Dios mi, you’re going to kill me with your lovemaking.”  

Kurt brushed the unruly curls aside, smiling into Javi’s eyes.  “There are worse ways to die, bebe.”  Javi reached for Kurt and kissed him, slowly drawing his lips away and whispering still just close enough for their lips to touch, “Let me see if I can kill you with mine…” he pulled Kurt against his body until nothing was between them, maintaining his kiss, deepening the kiss, stoking the fire that he knew was still burning in Kurt. As Kurt relaxed into the kiss, letting his desire and pleasure be known, pressing himself tightly against Javi.  He felt Javi’s hand move down his thigh and across his leg…..”Mmmmmmm…..,”  he kissed Javi with a mindless passion and gasped when he felt his hand reach between his legs, drawing one finger from the base of his balls all the way up to the head of his cock, stroking lightly, as Kurt parted his legs to give him better access.  Javi hadn’t been sure if there was still enough oil but there was more than enough.  Kurt begged with his desperate hard-on, his lips never leaving Javi’s as Javi returned the kiss, allowing Kurt to first massage himself against Javi’s belly, then taking Kurt’s cock into his hand.  “Javi…..I want you….always…..I want you…please…” he could hardly contain himself as he rolled on top of Javi, his tongue pleading for more of Javi’s mouth, lying on top of Javi pressing against Javi’s hand and belly taking up an insistent rhythm, steadily faster, pressing harder until his body finally released him from the exquisite torture of passion.  He rested his head in the crook between Javi’s shoulder and neck.  

No, there was no one he wanted or needed more than the man who lay beneath him.  This man who had taught him more about love and life in the few months they had known each other than anyone ever had.  Than anyone had ever cared to.  He knew that their life together wouldn’t always feel this idyllic, this perfect, this….all the thises that it was.  He knew all of that.  Life had taught him early on how difficult it could be.  But he, they, had taken that risk with eyes open from the very beginning.  Kurt didn’t have to wonder how he would deal with Blaine if indeed that dream was right.  No one was going to jeopardize what he and Javi had, not if he could help it and he could, he would.  

H

CHAPTER 50 – MOVES LIKE JAGGER

The lyrics to Moves Like Jagger are not the “clean” version. If you don’t know them, you might want to read them. They’re used liberally in the story.

And why bother writing and performing a song called Moves Like Jagger if it’s not going to be like watching Jagger move? There’s nothing “clean” about Mighty Mick’s moves!

As Javi waited for a taxi home from the airport all his worn out mind could focus on was Kurt and how glad he was to be back in San Diego, in that order. The trip had been very productive. He felt secure in Bela’s decision to take up residence in his apartment. He’d managed to slip in time to meet up with old friends, and as far as he knew at the moment, every detail had been nailed down, until the next time there was a change in plans.

He loved San Diego at night; the lights, that sense of openness and freedom. As he laid his head against the backseat headrest, he took a deep breath and let it out. Although he only had two days before he’d have to get on a plane all over again, he intended to take advantage of every second of this tiny respite. He’d told Kurt not to wait up and Javi couldn’t decide if he hoped he had or hadn’t. He was exhausted, every part of him longing for sleep, yet all he really wanted to do was spend every waking and sleeping moment touching Kurt, listening to his voice, holding him. He still couldn’t believe who and what he had found in this magical man.

Here he was at last, home, home, home! He paid the driver, picked up his luggage and let himself in. As he walked through the door he noticed the faint scent of lavender that lingered. He hadn’t realized until now how comforting it was to walk into your house after a trip knowing someone was waiting to welcome you. One of the living room lamps emitted a soft glow and there was another one on in the kitchen, just enough light so he could make his way down the hallway to their bedrooms. Both doors were shut, so he opened his door slowly, as quietly as he could so as not to awaken Kurt. As soon as he walked through the door, he saw that Kurt had left a light on in his room as well. He dropped his luggage to the floor and fell onto his bed with outstretched arms, relishing the embrace of his favorite velvet comforter and the fleetingly delicate aroma of clean linens. His pillows were plumped and Kurt had even turned down his sheets. What, no tiny chocolate on his pillow? As inviting as it was to simply crawl into bed and let sleep submerge his body in unconsciousness, he needed to take a shower. He almost trudged into the bathroom, turned on the faucet, quickly undressed and stepped into the cascade of water and steam. Combined with the body wash and shampoo, his sluggish mind began to clear somewhat. By the time he had dried off and found a pair of light sweats, he felt like he’d emerged from a travel-weary trance.

Javi laid down on the bed once more and closed his eyes. In just a few minutes he’d toss the sweats and get under the covers. Why’d he put them on anyway? He never slept with clothes on. He wasn’t that unaware of his own mind, even as fried as his brain might be. He was planning on just taking a peek at Kurt before he crashed. Just for a second…..he hesitated at Kurt’s door and almost turned around. He really didn’t want to wake him and if he did… he knew they’d never go back to sleep. But he couldn’t stop himself. He had to see him or he’d never get to sleep. He turned the doorknob slowly and started to tiptoe into the room.”Javi, you’re sneaking into my room? Surely you don’t have something in mind. You know how I hate being woken up once I’m asleep. It’s very, very inconsiderate of you. But I guess as long as you’re here…and I’m more than awake now!….come….sit. It’s nice to see that you made it home in one piece after leaving me here all alone for almost two weeks.”

Javi’s disordered brain was trying to grasp whatever was going on. Why was Kurt talking to him like the family pet? He’d figure that out in a minute. All he wanted to do right now was wrap his arms around his Kurtito and kiss those sweet sensuous lips he’d missed so much. He sat down beside Kurt and attempted to put his arms around him, but Kurt halted his advance.

“Oh, no. No, no, no. I’m not going to let you just waltz in here and act like everything’s somehow normal. Lay down. I have some things I need to say and you’re going to listen, Javi. Do you understand me?” Javi was still too confused to say anything; he’d been caught completely off guard. So, instead of trying to figure it out, he laid down as Kurt had asked…well, demanded, but he’d never seen Kurt like this. Something had really upset him or??

When he laid down, his head resting on the pillow, Kurt stood up. The lighting was very dim and with the blackout curtains, it was hard to see well, but once Kurt stood up and turned the dimmer switch up slightly, Javi could not believe what he was seeing…..oh, my G….! No, he wasn’t really seeing this, not on Kurt….Kurt walked back over to where Javi lay for just a minute….looked down at him with a stern gaze and leaned down taking Javi’s face solidly between his hands. He played his lips very lightly and slowly over Javi’s, and then as he felt Javi respond, urgently reaching for him trying to bring Kurt closer, he moved away just enough to say in a steady, husky voice, “No, no. You’ve had your fun leaving me here with no one to talk to for too long. It’s my turn to do the talking,” and with that Kurt passionately laid hold of Javi’s lips, his mouth, his tongue….his face still firmly in Kurt’s grasp. Javi felt the electricity that was Kurt permeate his body bouncing from nerve ending to nerve ending. Again, when he felt Javi do his utmost to respond, he abruptly pulled away, not allowing Javi to touch him. “Kurt, what in the hell are….”

“Shhhhh! I told you it’s my turn to talk and I’ve got a lot to say, so don’t interrupt. I’ll let you know when I’m ready to listen. In the meantime, I’ve had a lot of time to think while you were gone doing who knows what with who knows who. So, if you don’t mind, not that I care if you do, but if you don’t mind, I have plenty to get off my chest.”

“This, this is what it felt like while you were gone, just like I was a single lady. And I decided I deserved some new clothes since I knew you weren’t going to buy anything for me. I also had time to practice my dancing, even though god knows you’d never take me dancing! But you’re going to watch whether you like it or not. And if you don’t? Well, I can take my dancing little butt out on the town…without you, of course. There are plenty of men out there who would die to have me in their arms…and definitely in their bed.

“Kurt pranced, yes pranced, Javi thought, to the center of the room in front of the bed, remote in hand and turned on the sound system. He could do nothing but stare at this person he’d never met or at least didn’t recognize. But he kept silent. Anyone who kissed him like Kurt had just kissed him….no, he wouldn’t interrupt. His Kurtito could “talk” to him like that all night long. He knew there was more where that came from.

Kurt struck a pose, one black-gloved hand tapping his upper thigh to the beginning notes of Single Ladies, staring Javi down with those penetrating eyes flashing. As he moved to the music, sassing and gyrating like a male Beyonce, Javi could not take his own eyes off him! Dressed completely in black all the way from his beyond skin-tight jeans and zippered, heeled boots, up to the sheathlike, low-necked bodysuit covered with sequined vest, a long, loose tie around his neck, he was every inch the Kurt coming out to play….but on his terms. Between those snapping, flirty eyes and those hips that knew all too well when to quit, but wouldn’t…or just didn’t want to….Javi was fully awake, appreciating this impromptu show.

When Kurt had finished, he turned the music low, but just loud enough to hear and feel the beat of every hot song Maroon 5 had ever recorded, and there were many of them. With a hand on one hip, slightly out of breath, Kurt sidled over towards Javi, hips swinging freely, never breaking eye contact with him, his tongue playfully touching his upper lip. He straddled his supposedly missing in action lover and laid his pelvis squarely on Javi’s, and still out of breath tilted his lips to Javi’s ear and whispered, “Did you miss me????” and again, as Javi eagerly reached for Kurt, Kurt bit his earlobe slightly and moved away once more. Javi loved the tease, but all he wanted to do was kiss his Kurtito….and especially this very hot version of his Kurtito….and he was being denied over and over. And somewhere between his desire and his competitive nature, he was becoming a bit impatient. Kurt took Javi’s hands in his, pinning them next to Javi’s head and slithered down his body, his mouth coming to rest on Javi’s chest. Using the tip of his tongue and his lips, he swayed back and forth across Javi’s chest coming just close enough to each nipple to take it in his mouth…but didn’t, wouldn’t….and it was driving Javi wild…..”Kurt, stop teasing…..stop….oh, my God, stop..” and when Kurt felt Javi’s hips start to move beneath him, he slithered farther down the bed, this time placing his hands on Javi’s hips and drawing his tongue and his lips downward over his belly, having his fun, teasing, teasing….coming just close enough to his navel….but….”Dammit, Kurt! Stop it….I can’t take this…..it’s been too long since I’ve touched you…..please….stop, stop…stop…yes….si, si….no!” and abruptly Kurt stopped and said, “You should have thought about that before you left,” and got up from the bed, walking back toward the center of the room, provocative hips swinging, then turning around and staring him down once more. “Yes, while you were away, I had time to practice all kinds of dancing, thinking I just might take myself out on the town….and I almost did, but….no! I didn’t! Instead I stayed here waiting for you!”

editorial comment – Glee should have had Kurt/Chris dance to this; he could have easily carried it off! Don’t forget to change your Youtube setting to 0.75 for this song. I also tried turning the sound off and imagining he was Kurt/Chris.

And with that Kurt stopped the music and queued it up to Moves Like Jagger only at a slower than normal speed. In time to the throbbing beat, Kurt began dancing, singing along sort of absentmindedly, but keeping his eyes glued to Javi’s. As he started unhurriedly removing his clothing, Javi was well aware that no matter what Kurt wanted him to believe, he knew this was all very, very deliberate. Had he practiced or was it actually this spontaneous? By now all Javi knew for sure was that this was a Kurt he wanted desperately. As he effortlessly danced and separated each piece of the costume from his body, Javi was mesmerized. There was that pouty lip, his voice emphasizing what Kurt considered “significant” lyrics. After he’d unbuttoned the vest, never looking down once, he let it slide from his arm to the floor, slowly removing the black glove as well. He took his time removing the belt, then unzipping his jeans sliding them over his ever-undulating hips just enough to reach between his legs to unsnap the body suit and lift it over his head not only revealing Kurt’s wickedly bare torso, but the black thong he wore beneath his jeans. When he got to his boots, he simply unzipped them and reached to remove first one, then the other….just the sound of those zippers loosening…..even in the midst of the pent-up lust Javi was barely controlling, he thought, he had to have practiced that!

Then as the song was about to end, Kurt let his jeans drop to the floor, stepped out of them and walked seductively toward Javi again, the only clothing left being the thong and the tie around his neck. He sat down on the bed just far enough away from Javi so as not to touch him and grasped Javi’s hands in his, removing the tie, tearing the velcroed halves apart, holding one between his teeth. He raised Javi’s hands just above his head and wrapped the other strand of tie around Javi’s hands, anchoring them solidly but not too tightly together. Kurt allowed him to lay there for a minute, and locking his laser beam gaze on Javi’s he said, “Look into my eyes….I……own you…. oh, yes I do, mi helpless bebe..” “Now, close your eyes, Javi,” Kurt said. “Kurt, what are you doing? What…” “Shhh! Close. Your. Eyes.” Javi did and Kurt used the other half of the tie to create a blindfold. “We have to stop this… really, Kurt..we…” In a matter-of-fact voice Kurt said, “WE don’t have to do anything. You do. YOU left ME here, remember? And you did say in the single, solitary time we Skyped that when you got home we needed to define our roles. So watch and learn, I won’t show you twice. If you learn your lesson this time, maybe I’ll never have to do this again,” and Kurt leaned down again and lightly bit Javi’s other earlobe saying, “Unless you forget your role….”

If Javi was confused earlier, he was totally confused now. This was turning into way more than the ultimate turn-on; he was loving every second while at the same time barely containing his want….his need….and yes, his impatience with Kurt.

Now, just like the song says, I want you to “swear you’ll behave.” “What? No…” “Oh, Javi, no is not in your repertoire for this evening. No is reserved only for me. Now swear you’ll behave. Remember you’re at my mercy, not the other way around. I’m not the one with my hands tied and blindfolded, now am I?” Javi sighed, still unwilling to step into the role Kurt had created for him, “Yes, I swear I’ll behave.” “I’d really like to hear a little more enthusiasm. After all, “you wanted control so we waited”…well, I’ve waited long enough, after all, I did “put on a show” and I’m sure you’ll agree, a very good one, don’t you think? And “now here we are naked”….well, almost…oh, don’t worry I won’t move beyond….the boundaries….unless of course you decide not to behave.”

“I’m not a child, not the kid you seem to believe I am, so stop treating me like one! You’re the one with the ego and ya know what? I don’t give a shit!”, thinking I’ll go along with every little thing you say and do. Going where you please, when you please. Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you’re wiser. Sometimes I think you don’t really know me at all, Javi. Well, it’s time for me to show you exactly who I am and what I’m capable of!”

Kurt’s body astride Javi’s once more wearing only the black thong, he sat back against Javi’s bent legs and for the first time noticed that Javi had nothing on under the light sweats he was wearing….hmmm, hadn’t thought of that, but….he’d figure it out as the evening progressed, for now he’d continue to enjoy the fantasy coming to life.

He stopped a moment to take in Javi lying beneath him, virtually helpless. He’d missed him so much he wasn’t sure he’d be able to carry this off, but it was hot, hotter than he’d ever imagined in his planning. He knew too that despite Javi’s ability and desire to control his competitive nature, he was struggling and that’s exactly where Kurt wanted him. Just like that day when Kurt had basically trapped him in the shower…..that Javi attitude with a little bite…..Kurt again took Javi’s face into his hands as Javi struggled to stop him, forgetting his hands were of absolutely no use to him. He lowered his lips, allowing them to hover there just long enough to temptingly vocalize, “Take me by the tongue, Javi….I know you want to; you’ve wanted to since you walked through the door. Oh, please, take me by the tongue, soooo many ways I know you…and make no mistake I DO know you…I know what you want, Javi….let me show you what I know about….all of you….” Kurt flirted with Javi’s lips, opening his mouth with the obviously lethal tip of his tongue, murmuring, “Come on, Javi…..you can taste me… and I taste like all of our past desire colliding with the present…..I taste like sex, sleazy, get down and dirty sex, don’t I, Javi?…..oh, no, no…don’t fight me….struggling like that only shows me how well I know you…..you want me…..and what I’ve learned about you while you were gone….you might as well give in…..take my tongue, Javi…..just a little bit more….yes, come out to play…” Javi couldn’t stand another second, he moaned and drew Kurt’s tongue between his lips, and held it there, allowing Kurt to pulse his tongue between his lips, then opening his mouth, exploring, seeking, destroying every ounce of Javi’s resolve. And Kurt didn’t….he wouldn’t stop. “Javi, are you drunk on my kisses yet?…” It had been a good ten minutes. “More? Do you want more? Well, of course you do….” And a defenseless Javi, yes, totally drunk on all of the sensations, trying to control a body that had totally turned traitor on him, deliciously agonizing under Kurt’s lithe, nearly naked body, he said, “Don’t trifle….with me, Kurt….this is a game….you won’t win….” Kurt laughed lightly, “Trifle? My we’re bringing out the big words are we? And who says I want to win? I can play aaaaalllll night, you certainly didn’t care that I had no one to play with while you were off galavanting….oh, now there’s a vocab for you….I want to see you squirm, Javi…oh, wait! I guess you already are…mmmm…you’ve got some moves like Jagger, too…..oh Javi…it feels sooo hot….don’t you think it feels hot?…..this ride in the car…..you don’t have to let me out just yet……let me get back inside….Javiiii let me back inside…..that’s right….”and it goes like this.” Kurt moaned purposefully and began nibbling Javi’s lips and Javi just didn’t have the will to stop him as again Kurt opened his mouth, using his tongue on every sensitive spot, his body deliberately moving against Javi’s…..oh…..my….G….. those hips…..he knew exactly how to use them, Javi thought. And then abruptly, he abandoned the kiss, leaving Javi breathless and wanting.

Kurt took hold of Javi’s immobolized hands with one of his own, “And speaking of games….remember? Well, you were speaking of games, but how about Red Light Green Light? I haven’t played that since I really was a little kid. Here are the rules, very simple, really. If you like what I’m doing, and you will, all you have to say is “green”; if you don’t like it say “yellow” and if you want me to stop say “red.” Javi thought Kurt really had been doing some research and not about children’s games. “Understand, si or no?” “Kurt….don’t….” “Si or no, Javi? Remember? No, don’t, none of those words belong to you tonight….not one…” “Now, si or no?” “Si…” Javi hesitated for just a second, knowing he really had no other option. “That’s better, Javi, much better,” Kurt whispered.

As Kurt held Javi’s restrained hands above his head with one hand, he kissed him again, deeply, sensuously, showing Javi just how well he knew what he liked. When he knew Javi was lost again in the intoxicating kisses, he began ever so lightly marching his fingertips along the underside of one of Javi’s arms gliding across his underarm as Javi released an involuntary moan and sighed. Kurt barely let go of his lips while saying, “green?” “Si….si…..please….” While continuing to press one hand over Javi’s, he allowed his lips to leave Javi’s and create a trail along the underside of his face, lips and tongue creating a new wave of yet unsatisfied desire. Slowly crawling down his neck, he continued unrestrained until he’d reached Javi’s opposite underarm, allowing his lips and tongue to linger here and there, increasing the pressure bit by bit…”Oh, si….green…..mi Kurtito,” Kurt let the nickname slide and using both of his hands he began grazing Javi’s ribs with his fingers, loving the sensation of Javi’s pelvis moving beneath him, “Si…green…but harder….” after a few seconds, Javi sighed again, and whispered, “si….green….” Kurt again grasped Javi’s hands, moving his lips to each of Javi’s sensitive nipples, nibbling each of them, but just barely, as Javi breathed, “si….green….oh, Kurt, more, more….” but Kurt denied him again, Kurt’s mouth and tongue slipping over his belly, anchoring his uncontrolled hips, as Javi begged, “si, green…..” and approaching his navel knowing exactly what Javi liked….he circled it over and over waiting….waiting….”Kurt… .now…..God…..” Kurt stopped and in a painfully seductive voice said, “I know you, Javi……”you want to steer, don’t you?…you don’t know what to do when I shift gears……I’m right, aren’t I?…….you like it, you don’t like it….you want it, you don’t want it…..such a dilemma…..but….don’t worry, I’ll take it from here”, and you want me to….that point of no return….it’s right there….you can hardly stand another second…..”I own you”….tonight, I…. own….. you…sweet sweet Javi…”does it go like this?” Kurt slowly and lightly circled his navel, “or maybe it goes like this?” Kurt moved his tongue a tiny bit closer increasing the pressure, “or maybe like this? Is that it, Javi?” Javi continued to squirm under Kurt’s lips, his tongue, “Kurt…..stop….no, I mean green, go….now….please….oh, please, now…!” “So, it. Goes. Like. This?” Kurt hovered his tongue over Javi’s navel, twitching it back and forth…..then slowly lowered the tip and whispered, “or maybe it’s this…..is it like this, Javi?” and his tongue made its deliciously deep plunge into his navel, holding his twitching hips and listening to his, “Oh, my God…..Kurt……yes…..don’ t stop……please….don’t stop,” forgetting every code word, his mind lost somewhere far beyond this bedroom. When Kurt was sure he couldn’t take any more, he returned to Javi’s lips, now kiss-stung swollen, and captured them along with his mouth and tongue again and again. Finally, he stopped, slowly releasing the kiss, sampling Javi’s lips lightly before finally letting go. Kurt was barely avoiding the lightning strikes, the current that ran through his own body.

“I think you’ve been punished enough for your thoughtless, insensitive departure. I hope I’ve made my point, you’ve learned your lesson and I won’t have to show you twice. But, I’ll be truthful, “I do have a little secret, but if I tell you, you have to promise you’ll keep it and never tell anyone….not ever…and especially don’t ever tell Javi. He can never, ever know how much I missed him, how many nights I dreamed about him….dreams I’d be embarrassed to tell anyone…wild, vivid, feverish, disturbing, troubling erotic dreams….we were doing things…promise you won’t tell anyone?…..things….well, I’d wake up with….well, you know with….a hard-on….and then I’d have to use all of these dreams to get rid of it. Oh, but look at you lying here all tied up in knots. Who would do such a thing?” Javi hadn’t said a word while Kurt made his little speech. “Let me help you out of this predicament.” While releasing Javi’s hands, Kurt leaned down to kiss him again, softly and sweetly, and when he’d finished with his hands, he removed the blindfold, kissed Javi’s eyelids, and faster than lightning Javi’s arms wrapped tightly around Kurt, flipping him on his back, this time pinning Kurt to the bed and sitting on him.

“You savage little tease…….you have no clue what I could have done to you in the middle of all….that. Oh, but you’ll learn soon enough….you’ll live to regret every second!” Kurt just smiled up at him, a look of wide-eyed innocence reflected in Javi’s brown eyes. “But didn’t I make you smile? You didn’t like me “owning you for just one night”? Oh, I doubt I’ll regret any of it…..”

Ah!!!!! You forgot one very pertinent line in that song, “head to toe, oh, baby, rub me right”…and those wide-eyed baby blues aren’t going to save you….not even for a second. No one leaves me hanging like that….Oh, yes, I’m sure you had a few more plans, but you, my darling Kurt, liberated me too, too soon, and now you’re at my mercy, little one…..oh, I forgot you’re not a child….we’ll see about that.”

Now it was Kurt’s turn to be taken off guard. Whenever this version of Javi took up residence, he never knew what to expect. He always sounded half serious and it was scary and hot all at the same time. Javi stood up, his arousal still quite evident, “Stay where you are and don’t move.” Javi reached for the scented oil that was always available on both of the nightstands. He could tell Kurt had showered recently by the scent of his vanilla and sandalwood body wash, and that was erotic all by itself, especially with the touch of sweat created by Kurt’s dancing.

“Roll over, Kurt.” Kurt smiled a little, the no-nonsense Javi….yes! he’d succeeded in bringing out that sexy hint of impatience. Kurt did as he was told, although he felt terribly exposed lying there in that thong. It wasn’t the thong itself so much as the idea of basically having nothing covering himself lying there and he had no clue what Javi might be up to. He couldn’t see much lying on his stomach. Javi whispered in Kurt’s ear, “I’m going to show you what head to toe really means…..and everything in between….I’m gonna rub you right….or maybe wrong….or maybe both, bebe….and I do mean, baby.” Javi positioned himself at the foot of the bed, taking one of Kurt’s feet into his hand, massaging the scented oil slowly and sensually into his skin, increasing and decreasing the pressure, quietly asking Kurt, “Green, yellow or red.” Kurt responded in some way every time Javi made an inquiry. He hadn’t even made it to his calves before Kurt began to relax into the bed, enjoying Javi’s touch and his obvious knowledge of how to give a great massage. He moved his hands expertly over Kurt’s muscles, discovering what Kurt liked and where. As he reached the area of skin behind his knees, he knew this could be a very sensitive area for some people and depending on the person, it might feel good or not. He slid his oily fingers over the skin, asking for Kurt’s reply. “Green” for light touch; “yellow” for a heavier touch.” He took his time, enjoying the feel of his Kurtito’s skin, he had missed it more than he ever thought he could…but that was for later; right now, they were playing a different game. About 20 minutes later he found himself at the bottom of that beautiful ass. His milky white skin….so enticing, for Javi it was like an open invitation to consume Kurt’s body. Before he moved further, he had to make some decisions. This was an area of Kurt’s anatomy that he had never touched unclothed and he didn’t know how far he should go in crossing this threshold. He considered for a moment, poured the oil into his hand and began kneading what some would call a pert butt; touching Kurt like this? It felt like heaven. He heard Kurt moan, “Definitely green…..everywhere, any way…..Javi, you’ve been hiding your expertise from me.” And indeed he had; there were so many things Kurt didn’t know about him yet. He continued until he felt Kurt relax even more, then straddled his back and began a deep massage not missing a single muscle. When he had finished with his neck, loving the feel of his loosening muscles, he massaged his arms all the way down to his fingers, then slid his fingers to his forehead, over his cheeks to his jawline, taking his time. Kurt’s body was completely limp; exactly the way Javi wanted it. He waited a moment observing Kurt, trying again to decide how far to take this. He’d only tried this a couple times and it had worked, but….he decided to give it a try. If it wasn’t going as it should, they could always change things up. And when Kurt said in a smart-aleck voice, “Nope, not regretting anything yet, not at all,” that cemented Javi’s decision.

He took Kurt’s wrists into his hands and tied them loosely, his wrists and hands lying by his sides, the black tie across his back. Kurt didn’t resist, which was the whole idea. In order to do this, he’d need at least a pair of underwear. He left Kurt with the instruction, “Don’t move,” and went searching through Kurt’s dresser drawers. He found some bikinis and a couple of thongs and decided a thong might actually work better for what he was planning. He quickly slipped out of his sweats and into the skimpy red thong.

He positioned himself between Kurt’s legs again running his fingers up and down his inner thighs, slowly spreading them apart, but not uncomfortably so. He reached for the oil, but before he began, he said, “Kurt, I definitely need red, green or yellow. Deliberately he let the oil pour over his fingers and drip onto Kurt’s ass, “Si o no?” “Si…green…” he sighed. He hovered his body above Kurt’s and said, “Kurt, raise your hips off the bed, please.” Kurt raised himself up, slightly pushing his loosely tied hands into the bed….then hesitated for a minute….”Si…Javi..yes, please, yes….” He did as Javi had instructed and Javi waited until he was comfortably settled on the bed before he slid one hand between Kurt’s legs. He knew this highly sensitive area responded differently to a finger as opposed to the tongue. He’d know soon enough how Kurt would respond. Using an oil-slippery index finger to traverse the distance between the ridge of Kurt’s thong up to his belly button, circling it, teasing it with feather-soft touches, barely kissing it with his finger, all the while absorbing the slightly muffled but penetrating and satisfying moans, occasionally punctuated with whispered yeses, pleases and his name, Javi. “Shall I “shoot for the stars….is that what you want, Kurt? Ohhhh, you say “nothing feels right?” But, Kurtito….not even this?,” Javi circled his belly button again, “or even this?”, he slipped the oily finger into Kurt’s navel and barely teased it with his fingernail, as Kurt almost gasped, “Maybe I should stop…..oh, no, no, you say? You don’t want that…..well, let me think…” he continued to torture Kurt with a single finger, “do you really believe I’ve got the key? I did aim for your heart”……well, in the general vicinity….I sort of got waylaid here,” and again, he listened to Kurt moan and beg as Javi quivered his belly button with his finger. He lowered his voice to a firm, throaty whisper, “Tell me that’s what you believe….I’ve got the key because you know I do…..I’ve got the key to your heart, don’t I?…..and your body….. every agonizingly……. uncontrollable……inch of your body, Kurt,” Javi wiggled his finger again, “I do, don’t I….my Mercury…….tell me…..say it….I can’t..no…. I won’t stop….I won’t….” again, he tickled Kurt’s belly button…..”until you say it…..Kurt was beside himself; he couldn’t take any more, he’d never known how receptive this area of his body was to a single finger tip, toying with him…Javi amusing himself with this delicious torment …..”You have…the key…oh, god, stop….to my heart…..no….Javi….no more….” To your body?…..”, never once stopping the pressure or movement of his finger, “Kurt? “Javi…….stop…..yes….. to my body….” “Yes, mi Kurtito! Very good! I think I’d like to hear it again…..please, Kurt…..” Javi smiled to himself, barely fluttering his finger once more…..”Javi…….god…… stop…..red……no….no more….” Hmmmmmm…..I don’t know, Kurt,” and lowering his voice, “I do love hearing you beg….whimpering….pleading. …crying…..just like a little baby…..”Javi….no….no…. please…no more….”

“Okay,” Javi said flippantly, “…..tell me what you want….you hellish remorseless little demon of a tease….maybe this is it…..?” And finally he felt Kurt’s finger-tortured belly and hips detonate beneath him as he expertly used that same finger to provide that pleasure-pain Kurt was seeking. “Oh, yesssss….that was it, wasn’t it? Maybe just once more….” and Javi slid his finger underneath the inner rim of Kurt’s belly button, turning his finger moving downward like a screw…”Javi…..yes…..don’ t stop…don’t….”When he felt Kurt relax somewhat, he said, “Kurt, mi Kurtito….I’m going to be very serious for a moment….si o no? Green o red?” Javi took a breath and softened his voice, “rest your cock in my hand….” Kurt was silent for a long moment and then whispered, “Si….green, Javito….yes…”

Javi retrieved his hand and used the oil on his fingers to run them up and down Kurt’s crack, the thong the only thing separating his fingers from Kurt’s flesh. Kurt began to sigh, his hips unable to halt their movement, his hands unable to help him, “Javi….oh…..is…..green. …yes….yes….oh please….don’t stop…..ohhhhhhh…… Javiiiii …..more…..”

Javi slowly slid his fingers down Kurt’s crack, over his balls, hesitating to play for a while, and as he reached Kurt’s minimally clothed and swollen cock, Kurt lifted his hips and allowed Javi to take him into his hand. “Mi, Kurtito, if this isn’t working for you, let me know, si?” Javi had drenched his hand in oil, letting Kurt take the lead, moving inside of Javi’s firmly held hand….”Yellow…..tighter… Javi…..your hand….tighter….” Javi tightened his hand and laid his head lightly across Kurt’s ass, knowing the curls would either take Kurt over the edge or be a distraction….”Si o no, mi bebe….?” Kurt could barely speak. He was so hard and lost in the sensation of Javi holding him…..his curls caressing his ass….”Si….si….si…. tighter….now….now…., yes…now…” and with that Kurt came, collapsing to the bed, moving against Javi’s hand a few seconds more….Knowing they were both ready after spending hours in foreplay, using the oil to lubricate his hard, but clothed cock he positioned himself above Kurt’s ass and lowered himself so that his hard-on was sliding between Kurt’s cheeks, holding Kurt’s hips as still as he could, knowing that only heightened what Kurt was feeling. His hands were still restrained as were his hips, and when Javi came, he knew Kurt could feel it on his skin through the filmy material of the thong…Javi also knew that feeling was much more than just a turn-on, just as he had felt it in his hand through the thong Kurt was wearing.

Neither of them said a word. Javi stayed exactly where he was until he felt Kurt’s body relax again. They both knew that something very different existed between them now. There was an intimacy that neither could have defined; no, they had not taken that final step, as Javi would call it, allowing someone else’s body to be joined with yours, but what they’d done, what they’d felt was a matter of trust, a matter of saying yes to a new level of something.

Kurt rolled over onto his side and Javi used his slippery hands, untying Kurt, moving to lay beside him. Facing each other, they embraced and without a word held on to each other as if the world would end if they let go. They laid like that for what seemed the twinkling of an eye and forever all wrapped into one. Kurt reached up and gently pushed the curls from Javi’s forehead. Javi touched Kurt’s cheek and looked into his eyes, saying nothing….saying everything.

At last they let each other go and rolled onto their backs, staring at the ceiling, not wanting to break the thread of silence that somehow bound them like never before. As they held hands, Javi looked over at Kurt and said, “Are you alright, Kurt?” Kurt wasn’t sure what he meant, but he replied, “Of course, mi amor. Why wouldn’t I be alright? You’re home; we’re here, I feel….I don’t know what I feel except it’s….honestly, it’s something I’ve never felt before…I mean that. I feel….like I’m surrounded by….I don’t know, something that can’t be breached? Something….solid, like a force field? I don’t know what…..” Javi nodded and smiled into the darkness, “mi corazon, you don’t have to explain or define it. I guess what I was really asking was are we alright? I know what you’re feeling and it’s very real, even if we can’t see it. That’s kind of the beauty of it. Sometimes the things most important in this life are invisible. They’re only visible here….with the eyes of the heart and the soul.”

Kurt glanced over at Javi and saw him smiling at the ceiling. His face had an almost ethereal look to it. He knew Javi wasn’t just talking about what had taken place in this room in the physical sense, although that was important. All of it in every sense had forever changed their relationship to each other and something much more.

It was late and he knew Javi had to be exhausted. He turned Javi’s face to his and whispered, “Why don’t you go get some sleep?” Javi was tired; Kurt could see it in his eyes. “Go, mi amor, I made sure everything was ready for you. “No, no, Kurtito. Tonight I sleep here….with you. I’ve spent too many nights wanting to be right where I am. But first, let’s get out of these freakin’ thongs! If ever there was a torture device created for the human body these things are it!” Kurt giggled and it broke the somewhat solemn mood. First, Javi and then Kurt used the bathroom to change from the damnable thongs into something more comfortable. Javi said anything had to be more comfortable! And he was right, Kurt agreed; thongs were strictly made for playtime.

As they settled into the peace of the dark and silent bedroom, Javi spooned Kurt and as he started to fall into slumber he said, “You could quit school and become a professional stripper. There are plenty of places in San Diego that would love to have you.” Kurt sighed contentedly, “Yes, I’ve already looked into it. I have five interviews when we get back from Ohio, goodnight, mi Javito; get some sleep.”

CHAPTER 49 – FLYING THE FRIENDLY SKIES

Kurt woke up and tried to orient himself.  Although he’d gotten used to sleeping in Javi’s bed, sometimes he still woke up expecting Javi to be there…and he would be in just two days’ time!  He could hardly wait.  He was glad he had school and work to keep him busy.  With their upcoming trip to Ohio, he wanted to make sure everything was in order so he wouldn’t be distracted by last minute details if he could avoid it.  He had his work schedule for the rest of the week and for the week after they returned.  He would finish up what little homework he had left.  He had one more recital practice before he left and then if all went well he’d have a couple of days to spend with Javi before they flew to Ohio.  They’d be flying in and out of Ft. Wayne, which was still 70 miles from Lima and he wanted to keep an eye on the weather.  In San Diego it was still reasonably warm, but in Indiana and Ohio?  You never knew what you might encounter in November.

He still had a few minutes before he had to leave the warmth and comfort of pillows and bed clothes so he allowed his mind to wander back to Sunday, the last time he’d heard from Javi, other than texting.  Just seeing him in real-time, knowing he still existed somewhere on the planet put him at ease.  It was almost funny!  They’d both dressed up just to Skype with each other.  Javi said it was either that or nothing at all, that that was just the kind of Skyper he was!  Kurt was pretty sure there was more truth than not to that.  

Javi was dressed in one of his almost trademark mesh shirts, not black, but red, exposing his well-muscled chest.  Over that, he wore a black leather jacket adorned with red metal studs.  On each sleeve, the words Killer and Love were emblazoned in sparkly white.  The black leather bracelet on his right arm was covered with red metal studs as well.  He wasn’t wearing a hat, but had silver hair tinsel woven through his unruly curls.  When he stood up to get something to write on, he revealed a pair of black pants so tight Kurt wondered how he even moved in them.  “Wow, mi Javi, did you wear those pants just for me?  They don’t leave much to my imagination; you’re such an exhibitionist, such a tease you are, Mr. Ramos Ruiz; do you show off for all of your students like that or just me? (he’d used the name intentionally referencing their last game of “phone tag” when Mr. Ramos Ruiz had met Kurt or Mr. Hummel depending on what role you were playing in his little fantasy).  “Oh, Kurt, you wound me deeply.  Calling your faithful teacher such things…..we really must define our roles when I get home.  Hopefully, you’ll take this time to reflect on that.  I would reallllyyy hate to have to discipline you, but I will if I have to…for your own good, of course.”  Kurt was trying not to laugh, but in those pants he was finding it hard not to “reflect” on the discipline Javi…or Mr. Ramos Ruiz might have in mind.  “Oh, Mr. Ramos Ruiz, you frighten me with your threats; I’ll try to be a good boy but I’m making no promises.”

Javi smiled at Kurt just enough so that the flicker of dimple in his cheek peeked in and out and that Kurt found irresistible.  Javi loved what Kurt was wearing.  The sleeveless red button up shirt that fit like it was one size too small hugged his lean body and was open at the neck, four buttons undone, just enough to indicate where the hair on his chest began, so, so sexy, and the buttons below straining across his abs. Over that he wore one of Javi’s favorite tunics, gold and white see-through gauze covered with gold sparkles and spangles, open in front.  He wore two thin gold chains around his neck, dangling from one was a key and from the other a lock.  Javi made a mental note to ask him about the necklaces.  Kurt rarely wore jewelry that didn’t have some significance behind it.  And his bare arms were a fashion accessory all by themselves, all rippling muscle.  Kurt was watching Javi intently and Javi knew it.  Right now, he couldn’t get enough of looking at his Kurtito.  Kurt said, “Ya know, this shirt is just too tight.  Do you mind if I unbutton it?”  Kurt knew how much Javi loved his chest, whether he was looking at it, touching it, kissing it…Kurt took his time undoing the buttons, then he leaned back on his hands as the shirt fell open.  He stood up and stretched revealing jeans that barely rested on his hip bones with the button undone. There was that beautiful expanse of naked belly, his navel, tempting him…. If Javi could have reached through the screen…but he couldn’t of course.  He cleared his throat, saying, “Hmmm…apparently the student is learning faster than this teacher allows, or have you been receiving instruction from someone else on how to be an exhibicionista…a molestar (tease)?  There are rules against having multiple teachers, mi…Kurt.”  “Oh, no, Mr. Ramos Ruiz. I did some research on the internet just like you instructed….do you want me to stop?  You told me to be inquisitive, to think outside the box….”

Javi couldn’t help but laugh.  It was obvious that Kurt had enjoyed their little game and was ready for more.  Still laughing, Javi said, “Kurt, please take your seat.  It will do you no good to try to distract the teacher….and I want to look at your beautiful face while I’m talking to you, much as I enjoy your display of thinking outside the box!”  Kurt sat down, leaned onto his knees with his face in his hands and with a little pout said, “Ooooooh, but Javier, may I still call you Javier?  I was only hoping to get some extra credit in class…..”   

Now, Javi couldn’t stop laughing!  “Oh, mi Kurtito, you are so adorable!  If I was there right now I would turn you over my knee and spank you!”  Kurt continued his pretty little pout, “Oh, please, Mr. Ramos Ruiz!  I know I deserve it…” and then Kurt started laughing.  When they finally gained control again, Javi said, “You are quite the actor, Kurtito!” to which Kurt replied, “Whose acting, mi amor?…um, I mean Javier,” and with that they resumed some semblance of a normal conversation.

Javi gave Kurt an update on the whirlwind that had been his life since arriving in Mexico.  Belita was making Mexico City her home so someone would be at his apartment meaning he only needed to return there on business and for one of his concerts next year.  He’d managed to make it through four interviews without unveiling much about his personal life, no small feat, and especially nothing about Kurt.  For those who chose to attribute his single status to not finding the right woman, he was still one of Mexico’s most eligible bachelors.  There had been a few glitches to iron out over venues and the exact release date of his latest song, always part and parcel of the business.

He asked Kurt if there was anything new he needed to know about their trip to Ohio and Kurt had almost brought up his latest dream and thoughts on it, but then decided to wait until Javi was home.  He didn’t want to worry him and Kurt felt better about the dream just knowing he might understand some of it, if you could ever really understand dreams.  After about an hour of catching up, Javi sighed.

“I can’t tell you how much I miss you, mi hombre hermoso (my beautiful man).  I feel like half of me is missing; even Belita can tell.  As much as I’m thrilled to be with her, she sees it.  On the other hand, she says she hasn’t seen me this happy in years.  As she put it, since the Sun set and the Moon had to learn to glow on its own.”  He had explained to Kurt about the names that Mateo’s inner circle had given Antonio and Javi and why.  He knew he’d hear it eventually and it was something so personal, Javi wanted Kurt to hear it from him.  “I told her that the Sun had risen again for its own sake and that the Moon had discovered its Mercury.”  Javi had started calling Kurt his Mercury a couple months ago and when he asked Javi why he told him it was because the Moon and Mercury were the planets closest to being like each other; as close to equals as planets could get.  

Kurt wanted to hug Javi so much right then.  He loved the analogy, the way that Javi had not tried to find himself a new

Tonio.  He saw them as equals, something the sun and moon could never be.  And he loved him for telling the one family member who still acknowledged his existence and accepted him for who he was how he felt about Kurt.  “Javi, Javi….I can’t wait until your home.  If I knew you wouldn’t kill me, I’d take the next flight to Mexico City.  Being apart like this borders on abuse.”  He and Javi had discussed what they would do in the event that Javi would have to be gone longer than a week again.  If Javi hadn’t had so much business to take care of on this trip, he would have flown back to San Diego over a weekend or even during the week, if his schedule allowed it.  “I know, mi corazon, I know.  We’ll take it a trip at a time and if I’m able to return I will or if you’re able to come with me you will.  Life is too short to live it apart from your soulmate.”

After they’d said their good-byes, Javi sunk into the couch cushions and started to write a new song.  He didn’t know what he’d call it yet, but it would reflect his ever deepening feelings for Kurt.  Kurt decided to have some fun instead of thinking about how much he hadn’t wanted to say good-bye.  He laid down on the floor, the blue silk pillow under his head, and let his imagination run free through the fields of his newest fantasy.

Blaine set his phone on the chair beside him.  What he really wanted to do was throw it across the room, but he restrained himself.  On the other end of the phone he wanted to throw had been Barry.  He didn’t know what he was feeling, anger, relief, sadness, all of the above?  Barry was coming back to New York after Thanksgiving…but only to get what he needed and wanted to take to, of all places, LA!!!!  He was moving to LA!  Just what he needed – two ex-boyfriends in California!  To be fair, Barry had asked him to come with him, but he knew Blaine couldn’t just quit school only months from graduating.  He’d left it as an open invitation.  When Blaine finished school, he could move to LA.  But in that whole conversation, not once had either of them said I love you or even mentioned their feelings for each other.  The closest they’d come was when Barry said he “still cared for” Blaine.  When Blaine had bluntly asked him what he meant, he didn’t have a real answer, except that he’d like to see him move to CA, too.  For what?  Barry was leaving with two other guys he’d met in his latest travels, one of whom had an offer for a small part in a sitcom.  Barry and Austin were going for the same reasons all would-be actors went to LA, they’d find a job to support themselves and hopefully find their star there.  Blaine wasn’t about to move all the way across the country for a man who couldn’t, or wouldn’t, tell him how he really felt about him.  And then there was the possibility that two of them, Barry, Austin or Keaton, already had a relationship or was heading towards one.  Blaine had told him he’d think about it and they’d talk after Thanksgiving when he came to move his belongings.  And that was another problem.  Barry had been paying half the rent even when he was still out in God Knows Where America.  Blaine would have to find a new roommate.  Could life get any more confusing?  He didn’t know how he felt about Barry either.  It was time he tried something Kurt had always done and Blaine had kidded him about.  Write it down, analyze it and make some decisions…or at least try to come up with some semblance of a plan.  The only bright spot in his near future seemed to be his meeting with Kurt.  He didn’t want to feel this way, but the fact was, he did.  Maybe that should go into his analysis, too.  Fuck, fuck, fuck!  Maybe he needed to be analyzed more than he needed to actually do the analyzing.  Counseling had started to help him and Kurt until Blaine had made such a mess of things; he supposed it couldn’t hurt, if he could afford it.  He sighed, reached for a notebook and attempted to concentrate.

Burt had talked with Kurt yesterday, firming up their Thanksgiving plans.  He was so anxious to see his son again.  It had been only a few months since they’d helped Kurt and Adam move to San Diego, but he missed him so much.  He was so proud of the man he’d become, in spite of all he’d gone through to get there.  Kurt was the most level-headed 20-something he knew and he didn’t say that just because Kurt was his son.  He paused for a moment, thinking about yesterday’s conversation.  When Burt had said Carole was getting his old bedroom ready for him and Javi, Kurt had stopped him and said, “Um, Dad, it’s not like that between us….yet.  Could you get one of the guest rooms ready, too?”  Burt struggled for words and finally said, “Sure, Kurt, of course!  I didn’t mean to assume…”  “No, no, that’s okay.  It’s kind of a long…well, not long…interesting story?  Maybe we can talk about it while I’m home.”  Kurt wanted to talk to him about his sex life?  Of all the things Kurt might want to talk to him about, that was the last thing he expected, the very last!  “You know you can always talk to me, Kurt.  Is everything okay?” said his worried Dad voice.  “Oh, yeah, things are great actually!  I’ve never been happier!”  Well, okay then, he’d take that as a good sign and not worry about whatever it was Kurt wanted to talk about.  

Burt and Carole had continued watching Javi’s videos and interviews…and now it wasn’t just to get some idea of what Javi might be like.  His music and voice had grown on him, although he still understood almost no Spanish, and from his reading interviews and listening to closed captioning when he could, he’d discovered that Javi seemed to be a responsible person who’d had some tough breaks but also some amazing opportunities.  The fact that he was 35 didn’t concern him much anymore.  Kurt had always been mature for his age so it didn’t surprise him that he would find someone older than he was to share his time with.  He didn’t want to say, share his life just yet.  Who knew what the future held?  He liked the fact that Javi went to great lengths to keep his private life out of the spotlight.  He was also impressed when Kurt told him the reason why he wasn’t going to Mexico with him, even for a few days.  He hoped the trust that he was building in his mind was well-placed.  Without having met him, he had yet to find something that he really didn’t like, but he’d have to meet him first.  People were never completely what they seemed.

Kurt got out of bed and started preparing for the day.  He’d be gone until about 6.  Adam was coming over again tonight and bringing Ethan with him.  He knew he didn’t have to but he liked keeping Kurt company while Javi was gone.  Sure, Kurt could have stayed at the loft, but Adam knew why he wasn’t.  Javi was here or as close to here as he could be.  Instead of cooking, although Adam wouldn’t have minded a bit, Kurt told him he’d have some pizza delivered.  Since it was a work and school day, it made sense.   Kurt had even suggested they might want to work out and everybody thought that was a good idea since Javi was being so generous.  Ethan had joked that there was nothing like pizza and a workout!  

Kurt felt energized just knowing he was another day closer to Javi being home and it was only a matter of a day and a few hours!  He was looking forward to Thanksgiving, too.  He had no idea why he wanted to talk to his dad about their private life except maybe to reassure him that he was in a very right place with Javi; that Javi respected him and treasured him in a way no one ever had before.  And he wanted to talk to his dad about his beliefs.  It wasn’t something they’d ever really discussed that he could remember.  Kurt’s world had taken a 180-degree turn since he’d last seen his dad and he wanted his help making sense of it all and maybe helping Burt by letting him know that he was in good hands with Javi.

He knew Javi was getting in late, so he’d told Kurt not to wait up for him, like that was really going to happen?  But Kurt pretended to go along with that idea saying he’d leave a light on for Javi.  Javi’s text sounded like he might be a little disappointed that Kurt had agreed so readily.  Kurt chuckled to himself.  He hadn’t completely decided how he was going to greet his Javito, but it certainly wouldn’t be asleep in his bed….and maybe not even in his bed at all.  Some of his more playful and erotic ideas would require a little practice and research.  The research he’d already started.  He wasn’t sure if Mr. and Mr. or Kurt and Javier were going to make an appearance at his welcome home party, he sort of wanted to save that for another time….but he had all kinds of ideas hoping Javi wouldn’t be too tired to play along.  And if he was too tired….well, Kurt would just have to wake him up!  He’d make sure it was a night Javi would never forget.

CHAPTER 48 – PASTS AND FUTURES COLLIDE

To Kurt’s surprise the days had passed quickly from Monday to Friday and Adam would be arriving any minute. Javi had called once after his first playful and successful attempt at what Kurt had come to describe as “phone tag.” It had been awhile since they’d played this imaginative and sexy game….hopefully, they’d never stop playing it! As always, Javi’s days were busy bordering on frenetic whenever he was doing promotions and making plans for his next tour; everyone wanted to see him now, not tomorrow or the next day, even after he’d made careful plans beforehand. When Javi called again the first thing he’d asked Kurt was if he’d recovered from his flying lesson. He allowed him to have his fun at Kurt’s expense, knowing in the back of his mind that his own sexy and/or romantic fantasy was brewing just waiting for the right time to unleash its delightful revenge. Hmmmm…..leash, unleash? Where had that thought come from?

Otherwise, they had texted throughout the days and evenings when time allowed. The idea of Skyping was a constant topic, but Javi had to find some wiggle room….and he would, he promised. He hated not being able to see his Kurtito.

Adam arrived with two armloads of groceries, asked Kurt to take one and they delivered them to the kitchen counter. The two friends hugged and Adam asked, “So before I get started, are you going to give me the grand tour?” As they wandered from room to room Adam made his comments, especially about the media room; it was like having a recording studio/rec room all in one! They continued to the back of the house where Kurt showed him his bedroom. Adam still didn’t understand the relationship Kurt and Javi had. They’d been a couple now for several months; it was unimaginable to Adam that they didn’t have a sexual relationship, although Kurt had explained that that wasn’t necessarily true. Kurt enjoyed keeping Adam in the dark and Adam knew it wasn’t any of his business anyway, but it was decidedly bizarre to say the least. Kurt didn’t show him the other bedrooms, one was Javi’s and he’d never been in the other two. Unlike most homes in California this one had a basement. He’d never been down there either and didn’t feel comfortable showing it to Adam; after all, it was Javi’s house. Maintaining boundaries was a big deal for Kurt and although Javi had never told him he couldn’t go anywhere in his home, Kurt wasn’t one to assume that meant he could move freely through every nook and cranny. The weight room and mini gym really caught Adam’s attention. Kurt had asked him over several times; Javi was more than willing to share. Adam promised himself he’d take him up on that invitation soon; Kurt certainly had benefited from its use. Back in the kitchen Adam began his preparations for dinner while Kurt unloaded the grocery bags. Kurt decided to put on some music and asked Adam what he’d like to hear. “Well, if you’d ever use that voice of yours to record something, I’d love to hear that; Kurt, that video absolutely blew me away, I’m still thinking about it.” Obviously, Kurt thought, so to distract him he asked, “How about some old Mateo, new Mateo, something else?” Adam had been a fan for a long, long time and Mateo’s new music was obviously different from the old since there was only one original member now and he rarely sang, his guitar playing said it all and more. “How about some new? It’s been a while.”

Kurt sat down at the kitchen table while Adam made himself at home, finding everything he needed like he cooked here all the time. He’d started testing out some of the dishes that were peculiar to San Diego. One of his favorites was TKO fish tacos. He loved being able to use fresh fish and had tried quite a variety, varying the toppings and spices as well. Tonight he was using grilled sea bass, adding some cilantro, chipotle aioli, slaw, spicy guac and onions. Kurt set the table and grabbed some drinks from the fridge, then helped Adam bring the spicy-smelling food to the table. They sat facing each other, passing the dishes back and forth to create their own tacos. Adam had also warmed some fresh tortilla chips and as he handed the basket to Kurt he noticed he had pierced his other ear, and what looked like a blue topaz stud twinkled as the light hit it. “New earring, Kurt? What next, tats?” Adam teased. “It’s a gift from Javi; it’s his birthstone. And he’s wearing an identical one, emerald, my birthstone. And I already have one tat that I regret. I don’t think I’ll be doing that again any time soon.” Adam didn’t take it any further; he knew he’d find out more about what was going on with Kurt these days if he didn’t tease him, although it was so hard not to; however, he didn’t want that one arched eyebrow to appear telling him he’d clearly gone too far.

“So, I guess you’ve talked to Blaine by now,” Adam started, knowing that he had, but not because Kurt had told him. Actually, Javi had! He wanted to make sure that Adam was going to be careful around the subject because even though Kurt didn’t show it on the outside, Javi and Adam both knew from experience that inside was a very different story. Javi hadn’t told him anything except to be the best friend he knew Adam was and to ease into the topic.

“Yeah, we’re meeting at the Lima Bean for brunch. Honestly, I don’t even want to think about it, but I don’t want to have to do this more than once, so I plan on being prepared.” Adam smiled to himself, if Kurt could be prepared for every moment of his life he would be. “And, yes, I’m making notes so….” “Kurt, I wouldn’t expect any less from you; I don’t want you to have to go through this more than once either. When did you talk to him?”

“A couple weeks ago, and we’ve been texting about where and when to meet; I’m glad we finally settled that. Can I ask you something?” “Well, of course! When have I ever not answered your questions, Kurt?” Now Adam was really curious. “Do you know if Blaine and Barry are still together?” Kurt queried. Part of him really didn’t want to know, but the part of him that was feeling uncomfortable with Blaine’s texts did. “Don’t really know! It’s been a very long time since I’ve heard from Barry and I certainly haven’t reached out to him. Why?” Kurt swallowed and complimented Adam’s cooking, then said, “Well, his texts are…I don’t know, kind of weird. He keeps asking questions about San Diego and bringing up memories from high school, never New York though.” Adam put down his taco, “And what do you do with those questions? I mean do you answer them, try to find a way to avoid them, what? I’m pretty sure you haven’t given him any reason to believe that you welcome them.” “Hell, no!” Kurt was adamant. “I stay on topic, maybe give short answers to a couple of questions, and then make an excuse to stop, even if I have to make one up!” “Have you thought of just asking him flat-out what the deal is? You have every right to, ya know!” “Adam, I don’t want to get into it over the phone or in a text. It can wait until we’re face to face. It’s only a couple of weeks away.” “I know I don’t really need to tell you this, Kurt, but I’m your best friend. I can’t stand the idea of you getting hurt again by him. You’ve got a really good thing going here in San Diego and an even better thing going on with Javi as far as I can tell. Please, just be careful.” Kurt nodded; he’d said enough already and he knew Adam was just looking out for him. After dinner was over and the kitchen was in pristine condition, the way Adam always left a kitchen, they wandered into the media room.

It was Friday night, neither of them had to be anywhere on Saturday, so they plopped down on the couch, and talked, some instrumentals playing in the background. When they’d run out of TAS gossip and what was going on with their friends, Adam said, “Now, can I ask you something, Kurt?” “No! You know how I hate it when you ask me questions,” Kurt laughed. “No, really, if you don’t want to answer this you don’t have to, but I’m just curious about where you think you and Javi might be heading? You seem so…content is the only word I can think of…and I know it’s only been a few months, but you both seem very confident about your feelings for each other. And I know you don’t care “what everybody says,” Adam put in air quotes, “but no one can ever remember seeing Javi so happy; I mean, he’s a happy sort of person anyway, but….you know what I’m saying.” “Adam, I know people say this all the time when they’re in love, and we are in love. Honestly I really have never met anyone like him, but as he keeps reminding me we haven’t had our first fight yet. For him, I guess that’s some sort of litmus test for a relationship. And sure it’s bound to happen….if you’re asking do I see this as something long-term….yeah, I do and so does he. Sometimes he’s so honest it’s frightening.”

“Do you guys talk about Antonio much? Yeah, I know he’s been gone for seven years, but again from what I’ve heard they were almost inseparable, like the whole yin and yang thing.” Kurt really tried to hide a smile. “Actually, we talk about Tonio a lot, I almost feel like I know him personally (god bless you, Tonio!, Kurt thought)! I might know almost as much about him as I ever did about Blaine. There are very few things that Javi won’t talk about, except maybe taking me with him to Mexico. It’s a bit of a long story, but basically he’s concerned for my safety. I guess being gay south of the border, especially in certain parts of Mexico, isn’t safe. And yes, he knows all about our experiences in New York, but he had friends that almost died from an attack, and he does know his own country better than I do. It’s one of the reasons he’s not really out in Mexico. He tells me that his celebrity status keeps him relatively safe because the government views him as a commodity, he brings in money. I guess he and Antonio were sort of an open secret. Anyway, so far we have a very good relationship and I trust him….and you know how hard that is for me.” Indeed and with good reason! Adam thought. They continued to talk into the night, about him and Ethan, about what they liked and didn’t like about San Diego and how much they didn’t miss New York, Adam’s plans for the holidays…

Blaine looked at his phone, checking the time. He’d thought about texting Kurt, but he couldn’t think of a plausible reason to do so. They had pretty much made all the arrangements for their Thanksgiving meeting and Kurt was far from stupid, Blaine knew his suspicions had been aroused by some of their texting. He should’ve gone out tonight if for no other reason than to take his mind off of coming home to an empty apartment, but the New York winds had been cold and the day dreary. He didn’t feel much like being around people; on the other hand, he wasn’t really enjoying the solitude either. Maybe tomorrow he’d invite a few of his neighbors over for a Saturday night get-together, or not. Right now he was tired, just plain worn out from trying so hard to figure out what to do with his life. Barry had left months ago with no promises that he’d be back, although most of his stuff was still right here as a reminder of what their lives had become.

Blaine still had several months of school left and Barry was traveling with an off-off Broadway theatre company. It was work, and Barry not only needed the job, he wanted the experience. Sometimes Blaine thought that Barry was actually glad to be able to get away. Sure, they both knew that Barry would graduate before Blaine and the future was uncertain, but getting into long discussions, or any discussions, about the future really wasn’t Barry’s style. Blaine knew that from the very beginning, but back then…..fuck! Why was he doing this again? After about a year when the newness of their relationship had worn off, they’d done nothing but argue…about everything and nothing! They never really said they’d made a mistake in getting together, but it had become more and more obvious that they really didn’t have very much in common…sure the sex was great! But he should have known that you couldn’t base an entire relationship on that. He sighed, he didn’t believe either one of them realized what a mess they’d made of not only their lives, but Kurt’s and Adam’s, until it was way too late for all of them to go backwards.

And when Kurt had called him? All he remembered feeling was…..happy. Just to hear his voice again…he really hadn’t expected Kurt to ever talk to him again, and could he blame him? How had he not realized how much he was losing? He’d allowed all of his insecurities to come between them, he knew. The Kurt he’d loved in Lima was becoming a confident New York Kurt, more perceptive about himself and what he wanted out of life. Even with all of Kurt’s assurances, Blaine was so afraid he was somehow going to lose him. It didn’t take a professional to figure out he’d probably turned to Barry just to prove someone else would want him if Kurt didn’t. It was ridiculous and he knew it. Kurt was still the most loyal, honest, moral person he’d ever met. Kurt had been his best friend as well as his lover. At the very least, he should have been honest with him and broken it off before starting something with Barry. He might have at least salvaged their friendship. And maybe he would have thought twice if he’d done it the right way. Really, what was he thinking? Kurt hadn’t spoken to him in 2 years; he’d moved all the way across the country! That should tell him something, shouldn’t it? He’d almost killed his best friend, emotionally anyway. With any luck, Kurt had already found someone who would treat him the way he deserved. But, when he’d heard that voice?….it was like feeding an addiction. He couldn’t seem to just leave it alone. He was so lonely right now and that only made the feelings harder to ignore. He allowed himself to slip into the past….for just a while…..honest, he promised himself, just a short while…

KLAINE FAN VIDEO – LOVER – TAYLOR SWIFT

KLAINE FAN VIDEO – I SEE THE LIGHT – KLAINE

Blaine opened his eyes, looking around at what his life had become, instead of what it might have been, what it should have been. They’d even started to talk about getting married again, were making wedding plans….why had he thought it would be worth giving up…again? All those years together, even when they broke up, even when they fought, they’d always found their way back to each other. He knew he’d damaged their friendship, their whole relationship, way beyond repair, and yet here he was stupid enough to be daring to hope….hope what? That Kurt would be willing to try again…for a third time? How could he even think of asking that of him? And even if he would consider it, how could Kurt and even Blaine be sure he’d never break his heart again? This was ridiculous. He needed to get his act together. He needed to talk to Barry and find out exactly where they stood. They still texted and talked every couple of weeks. He wanted this settled before he saw Kurt.

Finally! A whole evening of downtime! Belita was out with new friends. She seemed to be settling in quite well. He’d actually had the good fortune of someone wanting to reschedule their dinner plans. He’d already appeared on Imagen Entretenimiento and Ventaneando. He had one more public appearance the following week with the possibility of an additional last minute interview. He took a deep breath and stretched out on the couch enjoying what he hoped would be a few hours of peace. Sleeping, as always on these trips, was almost optional. Sometimes he wondered why after 17 years of this he didn’t hang it all up and spend some time doing nothing for a change; it certainly wasn’t because he couldn’t afford to. But there was something about letting go that just didn’t feel right, at least not yet. Despite all the wear and tear of travel and interviews and everyone’s desire to see his private life on display, he loved what he did! It was his purpose right now; maybe a new purpose would reveal itself, but for now he was exactly where he knew he should be.

He’d had lunch with Rigo earlier in the week. Seven years and all the distance had not damaged their friendship in the slightest. Being part of the original Mateo held them together like some sort of delicate but durable glue. As always, they caught up on happenings with the latest incarnation of Mateo. Even with changes in members over the years, Mateo was still one of the most popular groups in Mexico and Latin America, even having a wide fan base in the US. Rodrigo had married about four years ago and had a son now. He divided his time between LA and Mexico City, the latter being his main territory. Javi felt comfortable confiding in Rigo about his new love and Rigo was almost ecstatic, knowing how long Javi had been waiting to find someone. Rigo knew how close Tonio and Javi had been. He’d never seen a relationship like it. Even when they fought….Rigo used to say the Sun and the Moon existed to complement each other, but when a collision was imminent everyone in their orbit sought immediate shelter, while at the same time hoping their hiding place was close enough to observe the fireworks. The Sun would be blazing, the Moon would be full and they’d circle each other, at times crashing into each other, and neither giving in until they’d said everything and more, never stopping until they’d resolved whatever the issue was. Then, just as suddenly, they’d resume their orbital balance, looking around and wondering where everybody was. They didn’t care who was watching. Friends and crew had joked about what it must be like when they fought in private! As they reminisced about that and any number of memories, Javi told Rigo that he and Kurt hadn’t had their first fight yet and Rigo almost doubled over laughing. He told Javi that perhaps he should text or call Kurt and warn him. Javi shook his head and laughed, too. Kurt was not Tonio. If Kurt had a fiery temper, he had yet to see even a glimpse of it. He didn’t expect or even want Kurt to relate to him like Tonio had, any more than he wanted to relate to Kurt as Blaine had.

Rigo had discussed some of the songs that Mateo still used in their concerts from their days as band members. Both Mateo and Javi included some of those songs because it was a part of what their fans wanted. Antonio had become a legend in death, just as he had been a legend in life. As they took their stroll down memory lane, Rigo brought to mind one of the first music festivals they’d played in Vina del Mar not long after their first album was released. It was an honor to be invited and Mateo had been one of the starring acts. Rigo said, “Remember how excited we were? God! For the first few years our lives were turned upside down and inside out. I miss those times, the three of us so in sync…remember how you and Tonio even held hands at the end of Solo Para Ti? At that time, as far as any of us knew, no one had a clue about your real relationship and how you’d written that song for each other.” Rigo didn’t say it but he knew they were both thinking it, what if….what if Tonio was still alive….what if like the song Todo Cambio (Everything Changed), everything didn’t have to change….what if….

SOLO PARA TI – VINA DEL MAR MUSIC FESTIVAL

The closed captioning sucks on this so I’m providing the words, the hand holding comes towards the end of the video

LUCKY STAR – KURT HUMMEL

THE GREATEST STAR – KURT HUMMEL

SOME PEOPLE – KURT HUMMEL

He was so glad he’d brought them with him. He would have Skyped with Kurt tonight, but he knew he was having dinner with Adam. He and Adam needed some time together. And this had given Javi some time to really observe Kurt in action so to speak. He missed him so much and this way he could at least see him.

He loved the fact that Kurt had a genuine respect and love for his elders. He had such a huge heart. If someone asked him to, he could see Kurt entertaining the elderly every day of his life just to make someone’s life a little brighter and as Peter Pan he certainly made the world a happier place. Physically, at that stage in his life, he was Peter Pan in every way. He was one of those men who go through a period of true beauty as they grow up. That’s the only way Javi could describe him as Peter Pan. He even looked a bit elfish. He could be the impish Peter Pan while radiating sex appeal all at the same time, so very rare. And the lyrics to I’m The Greatest Star had been written for the Kurt Hummels of the world, not that there were very many of them to be found. The words were almost prophetic, if only Kurt really believed them…took them to heart. Then, Some People, he just didn’t know what to make of Kurt sometimes. Again, the city of LA he sang about was just waiting for him to arrive and he didn’t even know it. He was trying to pinpoint some of the qualities and attributes that Kurt might want to consider while searching for his purpose, if indeed his purpose had anything to do with being in the spotlight. As much he wanted the entire world to embrace this overly talented man, he knew in reality Kurt’s purpose might be as mundane as being a greeter at Wal-Mart or, yes, entertaining people for the sake of making them happy, but not one of his true callings. He was trying very hard not to push him while at the same time helping him to see those dreams he sang about as a possible reality.

And then there was Kurt doing a duet with an extremely handsome and obviously gay man, I Believe In A Thing Called Love. If that wasn’t the stuff of fantasies, he didn’t know what was! And he could easily see them as a couple, the looks, the charisma, even some chemistry. So this was Elliot. His bandmate with Pamela Lansbury. He and Kurt had talked at length about attractions to others while in a long-term relationship. Javi had been very honest about the fact that in his mind there was no way to avoid it. However, being attracted to someone and acting on it were not even close to being the same thing. He again described how he and Tonio had talked openly about attractions to other people and even incorporated them into their joint fantasies in any number of ways. He’d also been honest about the fact that there was no way to avoid some jealousy, but that could be dealt with in the same way. Yes, he could see this video providing any number of fantasies, even if Kurt hadn’t been attracted to his duet partner. Javi certainly had been! He was a gorgeous man and in some ways he even reminded him of Kurt when he was being flirty and a bit aggressive with Javi. He also reminded him of Tonio with that bad boy persona. It was far better than any porn! He set it aside, knowing he’d talk to Kurt about it. It wasn’t something he would use by himself. Physical attractions came and went; a week from now he probably would have forgotten about the guy in the video except in ways that might benefit him and Kurt – he was so very deeply in love with Kurt; that was an absolute in his life and he meant to keep it that way if he could. He had never cheated on Tonio and he would never cheat on Kurt. He sent Kurt a short text asking if they could possibly set up a time to Skype on Sunday. He didn’t want to interrupt his evening with his best friend.

I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE – KURT HUMMEL AND ELIOT “STARCHILD” GILBERT

After Adam left, Kurt poured himself a glass of wine. He and Javi had found a wine they both liked, and although Kurt rarely drank anything other than Diet Coke, he was missing Javi so much, he decided to indulge himself. He’d received Javi’s text and was so excited they had finally found a time that worked for both of them to Skype. He took his usual place on the couch and decided to create what he’d started calling his own peace island. He’d tried it several times and in several different ways since Javi’s departure. Sometimes his island included Javi, sometimes not; it was a time he took to reflect on whatever happened to be on his mind. He was finding it not only relaxing but beneficial to his state of mind. He’d even experimented with his creation when his mind wandered to thoughts of Blaine and it seemed to be helping; it calmed him and allowed him to sort out those thoughts in a way that made some sense, at least for now.

But tonight was about Javi. With the glass of wine beside him he looked around the room, bringing to mind those things that seemed to bring Javi closer to him. The framed photos of them together and with their friends. Javi’s favorite pillows and a blanket he’d brought with him from Quintana Roo many years ago. The scented candles that simply said Javi. Kurt took a deep breath, inhaling the lavender softness. He decided to take his version of a tour of Javi’s different periods after he’d gone solo. It was like watching Javi grow up and out, not only as a singer and entertainer, but the way his life and thoughts and being had changed in seven, sometimes very long and sometimes very short, years. It had taken him almost a year and a half to pick up the strands that would become his solo career.

One of his first appearances had been in concert in Rio de Janeiro. The public Javi that Mateo fans had come to know had recreated himself and he knew he was taking a huge risk, but continuing as “Javi of Mateo” wasn’t in him, at least not then. Antonio’s shadow was still too long. He had to step out from under it or he would never make it as a solo artist and he knew it. The chemistry between them had been too strong. Even though most people didn’t know the true depth of their relationship, to the fans they would always be Antonio, Javi and Rodrigo in that order. Not only could he not carry that off, he couldn’t hold on to that attachment for his own sanity. So, his first public appearance was as far from “Javi of Mateo” as it could get.

It took some getting used to even for him, maybe especially for him, but his knowledge of music was as wide as the sky and he knew he was more than capable of recreating himself. The question was would the fans accept it. So, from the pop/rock sound of Mateo he’d turned to a quieter, more intimate and romantic musical style. He was experimenting, of course. He didn’t know if what he was singing then was what he’d be singing a year from now; it would all depend on his fans…and Mateo’s fans as well. And this is where Kurt started. This first concert had been recorded and Kurt chose one of his favorites.

Sometimes he cried when he watched this. You didn’t have to speak Spanish to read the sorrow hidden in Javi’s eyes and not just because of the sad lyrics. Antonio’s heart was evident in the depths of them. This Javi had not a touch of flash to his attire, although the purple was a statement. Javi told him he had chosen purple because it was the combination of the stability of blue and the fierce energy of red. It was his silent tribute to Tonio and what they had been together. Neither of them had ever claimed that Mateo would have existed without their union and Rigo’s constant balance holding it all together. Javi’s operatic training was easily perceptible, and though his movements were very Javi, they were also subdued.

Kurt resumed his journey. What Kurt termed Javi’s progressive manifestation revealed itself in his second solo album, Eterno. Here was a very sensual, ethereal, definitely more sexually revealing Javi. Almost like he was for a lack of a better way to describe it, a gay butterfly, emerging from a cocoon. In Javi’s way, he was not only emerging from the shadow of Antonio but was disclosing his true sexuality to the world. This Javi said, I love myself as a sensual gay man. He was thoroughly enjoying creating not only a new musical style but a new body and wardrobe to go with it. His clothing was much more revealing, his body building evident, his movements commanding attention in a way that said look at me.

SAMO MEDLEY

SAMO ETERNO

And then there was the Javi of today, right now. The man completely at home with himself, his mind, his body, his soul. And because he had truly found himself, he was free to reveal it to anyone and everyone while at the same time freely inviting you into his world, hoping you’d come play at life with him. He not only loved himself, he deeply loved those who made up the entire human race and was passionate about their joys and sorrows, wanting to alleviate the sorrows wherever he could. He may not have officially announced his sexual orientation to his own country, but he didn’t hide it either. He dressed as he pleased in bold colors and sparkles and hats and earrings. He wasn’t shy about revealing his body either. All one had to do was look at his social media pages, and with him gone, it was something Kurt had been doing quite regularly. Although Kurt wasn’t nearly as body conscious as he once was, he still couldn’t see himself revealing his body as Javi did. This was the Javi of today.

NO VOY A MORIR DE AMOR (I WILL NOT DIE OF LOVE)

The wine had made Kurt sleepy. He took his glass to the kitchen and when he returned to the media room, he decided to listen to some of the music from Javi’s album featuring the songs he’d performed in Rio. He snuffed the candles, then spread out on the couch covering himself with a blanket. The soft sound of Javi’s voice lulled him to sleep; he’d get up in a while and go to bed……….Kurt shook himself awake, forcing himself out of the dream. He wasn’t having it more frequently, but the intensity and vividness were becoming greater. Shifting so he was laying on his side, he struggled to calm himself. The details kept shifting and changing. It was no longer just Antonio and Blaine arguing in a vague sort of way, fading in and out, no specifics really. Lately, the setting seemed to be the auditorium at McKinley, a place where him and Blaine had spent a considerable amount of time together. Every time the dream became more detailed…and stranger. In tonight’s version of the ever evolving dream, it had been all four of them. Kurt and Blaine had been practicing a duet of It’s Too Late….well, it wasn’t a duet really…..it was like a really awful, dissonant mashup of Blaine singing I Want You Back and Kurt singing It’s Too Late, Antonio standing between them like a referee, Javi sitting in the first row, watching…almost studiously with a finger to his lips. Of all things? Kurt was dressed in his Single Ladies costume and Blaine was wearing his Dalton Academy blazer! He didn’t know what Antonio was saying but he was trying to back Blaine off the stage while Kurt stood there singing a Carole King song in a black unitard with a sequined vest….well, he’s not really standing, he’s doing the dance routine to Single Ladies and singing a Carole King song? He almost laughed; thank god this was only a dream. And Javi…it looked like he was dressed in….Kurt’s Le Jazz Hot! costume? The thing that had awakened him was the sudden appearance of the wedding bands he and Blaine had chosen on each of their left hand ring fingers. He closed his eyes for a moment trying not to read too much into the confusing symbolism, if that’s what it was. He tried an imagery exercise he’d learned recently, supposedly to bring clarity to one’s thoughts. Let’s see how much clarity it could bring to this craziness.

The song choices were pretty obvious, about the only obvious thing he could extract. He’d been texting with Blaine; he’d be meeting with him soon. Blaine had made some not so very well disguised efforts at renewing their past relationship in some way, past being the operative word for Kurt. Kurt was telling him in one of the best ways they communicated, in song, that that wasn’t going to happen, that he wasn’t even interested. Antonio? He was trying to protect Javi….and Kurt. He was trying to protect their new relationship from what he viewed as a threat. How am I doing so far clarity exercise? But what was Javi’s role in this bizarre rendition of a soap opera? Maybe he was observing….what? Well, what did he know about how Javi related to Kurt? He listened, he advised when asked…and? he let Kurt make his decisions for himself. That all sort of made some sense if you believed that dreams could be premonitions or ways for your mind to help you influence your decisions. And as always he knew repetitive dreams, at least for him, always meant something.

He let out a deep sigh and glanced over at the photo he kept on the coffee table. It was a still of Javi performing in Monterrey, light shimmering off of his sparkling pants, his arms outstretched as if trying to enclose the entire audience of fans in his arms, his head tilted skyward wearing a charmingly infectious smile. No, there was no way he was giving up everything he’d found right here for something that had been, but would never, ever be again. With that, he decided he’d talk it over with Javi when he got home. He stretched and meandered down the hallway to Javi’s room. He’d been sleeping in his bed ever since he left and he hadn’t had that stupid dream even once….until tonight. Once was enough for a single night. He pulled back the comforter, took off his clothes and slipped into bed, wrapping one of Javi’s black net shirts around his shoulders. If Javi knew that Kurt was not only sleeping in his bed but was sleeping in his bed with absolutely nothing on??? Kurt smiled; he’d find out when the time was right.

CHAPTER 47 – UP UP AND AWAY

Kurt was doing his best to keep busy, not that that was too difficult.  Between school, work and recital practice, he certainly had enough on his plate.  He’d decided before Javi even got on that plane that he’d use the time he would normally have spent with Javi as a chance to revisit his own spirituality among other things he needed to ponder.  He’d started incorporating the brief prayer Javi had talked about into his yoga meditations.  And that song by Wes King, Don’t Say I Love You Too Soon.  He liked it so much he’d copied the lyrics into his notebook.  He kept his notebook with him, so that whether he was at home or at the loft he’d be able to jot down his thoughts when they came to him.  He’d tried doing this on his laptop, but it worked better for him using a notebook.  Just like when he was a kid writing his own stories so he could slip away from the problems only a gay kid can have in a supposedly straight world.   He’d listened to a few more of Wes King’s songs, too.  

What Javi’d said about never forgetting he and Blaine’s first I love yous was so true.  And all that had come about because of those three simple one-syllable words.  Those words had changed and colored every second of their lives for years to come.  No, he would never regret loving Blaine.  But in order to get to a point where he could actually think about all they had meant to each other without suddenly feeling the dull ache, sometimes the sharp pain, to his heart…..Sure, he could go days and occasionally even weeks without his mind wandering down that heartbreaking path, especially now having Javi in his life, yet there were still times when out of nowhere there it was again, like now.  

I LOVE YOU – KLAINE – FAN VIDEO

So true – branded on his heart like fire and iron…and his mind.  Stop, Kurt, just stop!  And he literally wrenched his brain away from the echoes of their past.  

He was keeping a checklist of everything that needed to be done before they returned to Ohio.  He’d confirmed the dates he’d be back in Ohio for Thanksgiving, gotten tickets and even texted with Blaine a few times to decide on a place and time for them to meet.  They had decided on the Lima Bean for brunch on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.  

Kurt had found some of the texts just as weird as the first conversation they’d had, as in uncomfortably weird.  It sort of felt like Blaine was trying to reconnect as….what?  Kurt tried to keep the texts short and on topic, but Blaine kept attempting to keep the conversation going, sometimes asking questions about life in San Diego or bringing up old memories from their high school days, nothing deeply personal, but just enough to continue their back and forth.  Neither broached the subject of Barry or if Kurt was seeing someone.  Kurt didn’t want to know if they were still together and he certainly wasn’t going to tell Blaine about Javi in a text.  All Kurt wanted was to ask the most pertinent questions and say his final good-bye, hoping that he could finally leave the past behind him where it belonged.  He’d already decided to wait until after the holidays to seek counseling.  He thought getting everything with Blaine out in the open after their face-to-face was definitely something he’d want to discuss with a counselor.  

As he sat at the kitchen table, a soothing cup of chamomile tea within reach, waiting for Javi’s call, he opened up his notebook hoping to find some inspiration in its pages.  He was seeking to follow Javi’s advice and start with what he knew, what he was most comfortable with.  He’d found one of the many Bibles Javi had, some of them well used, highlighted and underlined.  He chose one of those hoping to discover a bit about what Javi found useful and beneficial, and also one that was written in modern English.  He’d checked out Unitarian Universalism online and ordered a couple of books outlining the basics of what they believed.  He figured that was more than enough to get him started.  

Javi had arrived safely in Mexico, texting Kurt to let him know, not expecting to hear back from him right away because he’d be in class about now.  As much as he hated being away from Kurt, it was exhilarating to be in Mexico City again!  His sister, Belita, was waiting for him at the apartment.  It was so good to see her again!  He scooped her up in his arms and kissed her cheek noting that she’d changed her hairstyle….a lot!  Yes, from almost waist length hair to a shoulder length bob was definitely a change!  He complimented her on her new style, and looking around he noted the small touches that made the place look homey.  He was hoping that her touch of design meant she was staying.  After he’d gotten settled, they decided to get some exercise and definitely some lunch.  What was served on airlines these days wasn’t exactly anyone’s idea of appetizing fare.  Tio Pepe sounded good and since it was a weekday it probably wasn’t too busy…and it wasn’t!  They sat outside, enjoying the weather, so much like San Diego.  He loved Mexico City, even as large as it was.  It was his version of Oz, where all his dreams had come true.  His purpose had been revealed to him here in so many ways!  It was where he’d found his identity and acceptance.  If he couldn’t be in San Diego then right here is where he’d rather be.  

Belita interrupted his musings, “Javito!  Where are you?  Is your mind in the clouds again, mi hermano mayor (my big brother)?”  “Oh, I suppose, Bela, just remembering some of the reasons why I love it here.”  “Bueno! I miss you!”  She reached for his hand, “I’m glad we have some time to have a real conversation again. Texting is good, but having you here is a million times better! So, tell me about this new man in your life.  He’s very handsome!”  Javi had sent her several pictures of Kurt.  Javi laughed, “Yes, he is!  But I want to hear about your plans for the future, mi Bela.  Are my hopes that you’ll move here going to come true?”  Belita sighed and smiled into Javi’s eyes, “Yes, yes.  I have a new job at Maquiladora Studios and, of course, I’m still doing backup vocals wherever I can.  I guess I don’t have to tell you that mama y papa aren’t happy about it at all, but….Quintana Roo has nothing for me, mi Javito.”  Javi was quiet for a moment and then asked, “Are they still talking to you, mi Bela?  Tell me they didn’t disown you, too.”  He knew Belita was strong, but he would not wish his own fate regarding his parents on anyone, especially his sister.  “Oh, they’re doing plenty of talking…for now, but listening….????  No, no, they have no use for what I have to say,” Javi saw the same sadness in her eyes that was a constant in his own life.  “Well, you have a home here now and I’ll help you in any way I can.  Trying to make them care about and accept who you really are????  You and I both know it’s a waste of time, so tell me about your job!  What have you been doing since we last talked?  New friends?  Un novio, tal vez (a boyfriend, perhaps)?” Javi teased.  “Oh, no, no, no!  The last thing I need is a boyfriend right now!”  “Hmmm…I would have said the same thing a few months ago, chica!”  They both laughed whiling away the afternoon drinking espresso and catching up.

Since Kurt had last spoken to his dad, he and Carole had spent almost every evening watching Youtube, something that had definitely not been on their agenda before Kurt announced he was seeing a Latinx recording artist…well, he guessed he better get with the times, not just with Youtube, but reminding himself it wasn’t Latino or Latina anymore, but Latinx.  Kurt had advised him to start with Mateo videos and then move on to Javi’s current solo videos, but Burt paid him no mind.  He started at the opposite end, including some of the interviews, although he knew not a word of Spanish beyond hola and gracias. Thank God for closed captioning, although that wasn’t always a great help either.  One of the first videos they’d watched was of a performance at a Monterrey music festival.  Burt couldn’t help but laugh!  Here was Kurt’s new boyfriend?  It reminded him of some of Kurt’s fashion statements, especially when he was younger.  Javi was dressed in pants that could blind you; they were so glittery.  He wore a blue pullover with the same splash of glitter in the shape of heart and the word LOVE on his chest.  His hat was subdued, considering.  He obviously loved entertaining, skipping from one end of the stage to the other coaxing the audience to sing along with him.  And the audience obviously loved him!  Sunglasses and earrings completed the outfit. Burt couldn’t help but smile at this video, if for no other reason than Javi’s personality wouldn’t allow you to do anything else.   And when it came to clothing and Kurt had told his dad to think Elton John, he wasn’t kidding!  

I may have shared this already, but just in case I didn’t.  Imagine Burt watching this.

SAMO – MONTERREY MUSIC FESTIVAL

After he’d gotten a feel for what Javi looked like, he started reading some of the interviews.  Most were about the meteoric rise of Mateo, Antonio’s death and some background on Javi, but not much.  It was very apparent that Javi tried to keep his private life private, which sort of eased his mind a bit.  If ever two people appeared to be opposites, Javi and Blaine would qualify.  He knew he couldn’t manage Kurt’s life nor would he try, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t concerned about his son being thrust into the spotlight of someone else’s career.  Although he certainly wouldn’t say that what had happened between Kurt and Blaine was a better scenario.  

Burt was no musician and what he knew of the entertainment world as it related to Kurt was basically what he’d learned from Kurt and Blaine when they lived in New York.  He did like the fact that he could observe and read about Javi from a distance like this and get a sense of who he might be before meeting him.  He was determined not to form a strong opinion or judgment until he met this man.  He knew better than to believe everything he saw on the internet.  Like Kurt, he knew that he was at an unfair advantage being able to Google Javi and have basically everything he might or might not want to know at his fingertips.   Kurt had explained about the relationship between Javi and Antonio.  He’d even asked his dad to pay close attention to their interactions on stage; Burt had smiled to himself when Kurt said that, like Burt was some expert on how people interacted at all, much less how two gay men interacted with one another.  He still remembered “the talk” he’d had with Kurt way back when and the brochures he’d given to him.  Hell!  There was no handbook on how to talk to your gay son about sex or if there was it hadn’t been written back then.

But he did listen to Kurt about this.  If nothing else, with Carole’s help, he might learn something about Javi that only she could see.  She was much better at this kind of stuff than he was.  After watching a few Mateo videos, he noticed Carole’s eyes were misty and she had a hand to her lips like she was trying not to cry.  She whispered, “Just look at him…at them….”  Burt waited.  He knew better than to say something like, “What?”  Honestly, all he saw were three men singing a nice song in Spanish, a very nice song, but….?  Carole shook her head, “Can’t you see why Kurt is attracted to him?  He wears his heart on his sleeve, Burt! (all Burt could think of was that glittery heart he’d had on the shirt in the first video he’d watched).  And he and…Antonio, is it?  They communicate with their eyes….like they’re the only people in the room.  Don’t you remember what it was like watching Kurt sing…and watching Kurt and Blaine sing together?”  “Well, sure, but he’s my son…I’m sure I’m a bit biased and Kurt’s just very sensitive…”  “And you don’t see that sensitivity in Javi?  The way he moves, the way the song just seems to…surround him? The way he tries to look at Antonio without appearing to be looking at him and the same for Antonio….even with all that distance between them on stage?   He could be a Latino Kurt!”  “Carole, he looks nothing like Kurt and it’s Latinx…”  No, I don’t mean he actually looks like Kurt, I’m talking about the way he makes a song his own….I know you don’t get it.  Take my word for it, he may not be MY type, but I can see why he’s Kurt’s.”  Burt said, “Well, okay!  That’s why I wanted you to watch; I believe every word you said, even though I understand it about as much as I do his Spanish!”  Carole just laughed and gave him a little shove. “For now, let’s just be happy for him.  He certainly deserves some happiness after all he’s been through, don’t you think?” Carole said.  Burt definitely wasn’t going to disagree with that.  Time for bed; Javi would still be there tomorrow night.

Kurt had invited Adam and Ethan over for dinner on Friday night, although Adam insisted on cooking.  For whatever reason he didn’t trust Kurt very often with kitchen duties and Kurt didn’t mind at all.  Adam was an excellent cook and he could take or leave what he considered a bit of a chore.  Javi had advised Kurt that he could have anyone over while he was gone as long as they weren’t competition; as if, Kurt laughed.  Ethan couldn’t be there but Adam wasn’t about to pass up a chance to see Javi’s home and being allowed to cook in it was just a bonus!  He was looking forward to spending some time with Kurt; if they saw each other once a week these days it was a surprise.    

When Javi’s ring tone chimed Kurt startled out of his quiet introspection.  He hadn’t talked to him since he’d left.  They’d planned on phone conversations every evening, but as per usual when Javi was in Mexico on business time meant nothing.  He always seemed to get wrapped up in someone else’s plans, just part of the price you paid for being in the entertainment business.  Texting had been their main source of communication.  

Kurt reached for the phone and was just about to say hello when in a low, seductive voice Javi whispered, “What are you wearing, mi bebe?”  Kurt leaned back in his chair and smiled, how he’d missed that voice!  He could already feel his body responding to those six deliciously naughty words.  “Do you always answer the phone like that?  Maybe I should be concerned if you do, mi amor.  But what do you want me to be wearing, mi Javiito?  I can be veerrryyy accommodating….” he let the words trail off.  In that pleading voice that Kurt so adored, Javi murmured, “I’ve missed you sooooo much, sooooo very much…I haven’t had any fun since I left…will tu mama (your mom) let you come out and play with me?”  Kurt smiled again.  “Oh, I don’t know, mi travieso companero de juegos (my naughty playmate)….I have homework to do and you know mi mama already thinks you’re a bad influence….”But why, mi amor Kurtito, I teach you Spanish!” Javi laughed.  “Oh, but it’s not your teaching me Spanish she’s worried about.  It’s that you’re so willing and…. enthusiastic about being my teacher; she says she sees something in those big brown eyes that…well, she didn’t really say big brown eyes…she said something like hungry and prying, I think….”ah, but we Latinxs are extremely passionate…..teaching you does make me muy, muy (very, very) hungry and a good teacher does have to pry a bit to tease out a student’s hidden skills….Is tu mama home right now?…..”well, no….”  “Ah!  So she’ll never know if you came out to play for just a little while…..please, Kurtito?…..It’s only a tiny Spanish lesson….you need to know how to say, “Please, teacher, show me how to… or please, teacher, let me show you what I’ve learned…and once you learn how to say that, well, the possibilities are endless!  Then, maybe….just maybe….you can be the teacher and I’ll be the student sometime.  Doesn’t that sound like fun?”  “But mi mama would say it sounds dangerous….”  “Oh si! I like that even better….”

“So, Kurtito, do you remember my first question?  You really shouldn’t interrupt me….”  “Yes, I believe you were concerned about my attire?”  “Very concerned…all that clothing can be very restrictive….even inhibit your ability to learn.  We can’t have that.  Your education is very important to me.  Since you can’t see me, I’ll just have to explain what we’re going to do together and you need to engage your whole imagination….tu mama may not approve, but….I promise not to tell.”

“First, I’m going to get more comfortable….well, before I get reaalllyy comfortable, Kurtito, choose someplace where you have plenty of room to move freely.”  Kurt wandered into the media room and laid down on the couch where he and Javi spent much of their time, even his scent lingered.  He continued to murmur in that silky, persuasive voice, “I’m on the bed with my eyes closed.  For the moment I have one of your T-shirts wrapped around me, mi amor.”  Kurt followed suit and murmured, “I’m on the couch, eyes closed and your scent is…everywhere, Javi, oh, mi Javi.  I may never leave this couch….”  

Javi’s voice took on a tiny note of authority, “I think it’s time to start class, don’t you?  Take off your shirt….oh, no! no, no, noooo….  Slowly, very slowly, button by button….yes, just like that….it feels so good to get rid of it….I should know because I’m doing the same.  What do you see, bebe?”  “I see your beautifully bare chest just begging me to touch….” Kurt started to say, but was interrupted with,  “Oh, no, no, no….my, my…” murmured  in that way that was so intimate, almost plaintive.  Damn you, Javi; he knew that drove Kurt crazy in all the right ways….”Don’t get ahead of your instructor…I would hate to have to….punish you…”  Say what??? Kurt thought, where was this going?  

“Mi amor….oh, no, you’re my student…I can’t be calling you mi amor….your mama wouldn’t like that at all.  Let’s see, if you follow my instructions, I’ll call you Kurt.  If you’re a bad boy, I’ll have to call you Mr. Hummel….and maybe even discipline you just a little….do you understand the rules, Kurt? A bit confused, Kurt said, “Discipline me?  No, well yeah, I guess I understand?”  “Oh, my!  Is that any way to address your teacher?” Javier or Mr. Ramos Ruiz will do, I think.”

“Now, Kurt, would you please listen carefully.  I’m going to tell you what I’m doing right here in Mexico lying on this bed with my shirt tossed to the floor.  I want you to put your phone on speaker and set it down.  We call this class Vocabulary: Creative Adjectives for the Body.  It used to be called Adjectives for Mind, Body and Soul, but we had to shorten the name and divide it into three separate classes.  Oh, you don’t need to know all that. Are you ready?”  What the hell???  Kurt thought.  

“Um, yes. I’m ready.”  Again Javi’s voice became low and seductive.  “Close your eyes and don’t open them unless I tell you to.  Take some deep breaths….very deep….and clear your mind of everything but my voice; imagine me doing the very same thing; all I can hear is you.”

“Tell me what you see.”  “Nothing yet, am I supposed to?…see something I mean?”  “Oh, Kurt, Kurt, Kurt…..I’m sorry, you forgot to raise your hand.  We’re in class, remember?”  “Sure, okay…I mean yes?”  “Now to answer your question, you’re right you should see nothing…because you’re listening and I haven’t told you what you should see.”  Javi’s voice went lower, again with that touch of authority to it.

“I want you to picture me laying here half-naked, my arms outstretched on the bed as if I’m totally relaxed, my eyes still closed, totally unaware of your presence…yet.  And you……you’re resting on the couch in the very same position, very relaxed….no peeking now.  Yes, there you are….yes…I can visualize you so plainly…..you’re beautiful and devilishly sexy, the very idea of you naked…..oh, nooooo, a teacher shouldn’t be having such thoughts about his student….never…., but you’re sooooo….” Javi cleared his throat and he became the teacher once again.  “And what does my student see?  Adjectives, Kurt, we’re working on our imaginative vocabulary skills.”

Kurt tried to concentrate but, this was totally weird….but sort of….hot? Oh my god!  This is crazy!  ….”I see you completely relaxed; all I have to do is look at your face, so tranquil and…your lips are parted slightly….your smooth bronze chest, you look….almost indecently defenseless, mi…I mean, Javier….” Javi interrupted, “And what would my student like to do with all those, what was your word…indecent, yes….oh, my….those indecent thoughts about me….um, I mean his teacher?  Those shameful, secret thoughts……., no, no, Kurt don’t answer…. let me tell you what you’d like to do….unbutton your jeans, Kurt….yes, you heard me correctly….unbutton your jeans and then unzip them….take your time…I’m in no hurry and I reallllly like to watch….Oh? That’s right…I need to show you….all those wicked thoughts I’m having about you…they cloud my thinking.  Now watch carefully….yes, that’s very good…. a little slower, please….”

Javi continued his deliciously inappropriate attempts at teaching, “….this is so wrong…..no, no, I’ll be fine as soon as I get out of these pants…..oh, my zipper’s stuck….Kurt, would you help me….that feels soooo much better….but look what you’ve done to me…..no wonder my zipper was stuck….well, yes, I suppose I should take responsibility for the scandalous state we’re in.  I am the teacher after all.  Yes, Kurt, what is your question?  Thank you for remembering to raise your hand.  You think maybe we should stop before….before what, Kurt?  You think we might go too far and do what???  No, no, I would never do that, Kurt; a good teacher is always able to control his teaching environment.  

However….it would appear that you’re in the same state I am…how could you let that happen, Kurt?  Obviously, we need to go over that lesson again….and here I thought you were….but don’t be concerned; I know how to handle this.  I always know exactly what I’m doing.  It is rather….hard …..um, to concentrate, I know.  I meant difficult….Kurt, such deliciously naughty thoughts…it’s….hard….to imagine someone so innocent as you thinking like that….it might help for us to alleviate some of the pressure….concentration is so important in a situation like this…but, slowly, Kurt…..that’s it….if you hurry we might have to relearn this lesson, too.  You do remember how much I hate to teach the same lesson over and over….I know you’re still a bit uncomfortable…sometimes a good lesson requires a bit of pain…I promise it won’t be much longer…..”

“Now, before we move forward with the lesson, I want you to take a few deep breaths again and open your mind, your imagination, and think about your sense of touch.  Remember, I’m doing everything you’re doing.”  
“Let me help you…..I’m laying on this oh so soft bed and you’re laying on that cushy couch.  We’re almost totally naked.  Shhhh……I know what I’m doing, Kurt; I promise you’ll want to remember this lesson for a very, very long time.  I know you’re trying not to think of me this way…but I know you can’t help it….the more you try to ignore me…..there I am again…..I understand….you’re defenseless…..and a good teacher knows how to make the best of….such a …..touchy….. situation….please, Kurt, stop reading things into what I’m saying that aren’t there….again, I mean, something like… difficult…a difficult situation…..oh, no, I’m not saying you’re a bad boy, not at all… though I do rather love bad boys….but, no, I really must fix this…difficult.. situation.”

“Just listen to my instructions and do exactly what I say….shhhhh….trust me, Kurt.  Your hands…..caress your chest, Kurt.  You know your own body…..you know what feels good….yes, just like that….oh, absolutely, I’m doing the very same thing and I’m an expert at this, it feels soooo good, our bodies were meant to be touched and handled…..all those electrified nerve endings…..it’s almost sinful the way it feels.  And you know what’s almost as sinful?…..mmmmmmm…. watching you enjoying your own body.  Of course it’s okay, Kurt, you have to watch the teacher to know what to do, don’t you?  Someone has to teach you control…..I can tell you love touching yourself….everywhere…. places you’ve never touched before…..you look scared….no, no, Kurt, really, it’s okay, I won’t let you get in trouble; tu mama will never, ever know.  This is a private lesson, remember?”  

“Now, we’re going to ease out of this totally unnecessary underwear; it’s getting too tight anyway…and we need to concentrate….very hard…..si, very, very hard.  Remember, slowly…..exercise some patience.  Of course I know we’ve never seen each other completely naked…..don’t you just love that word?  It almost sounds….forbidden.  Of course, I would never teach you anything forbidden.  Shhhh…shhh….Kurt….you are so beautiful….you look so young….so vulnerable…”  

“Doesn’t that feel better, very freeing don’t you think?  Kurt, I must say you look so much better without them and I’m sure you feel better, too.  And speaking of feeling better….wait, I’m sorry, let me back up a little.   Back to our imaginative vocabulary lesson.  I see I was right when I said you weren’t a little boy.  You’re quite…..substantial, gloriously substantial, wonderfully (he could almost see Kurt blushing) substantial….but I digress….and I know you’re very, very senscient…there.  No…no….I’m your teacher….I can’t possibly touch you….oh, I want to though….well, maybe….no, no….I have to stop this….  It’s time for your vocabulary lesson, again adjectives please, what do you see…..Kurt.”

Even though in reality Kurt knew he was totally alone, that Javi could no more see him than Kurt could see Javi….he did see him, and it felt like Kurt could be seen just as clearly.  He felt like a shameless voyeur in some stranger’s wet dream.  And it was incredibly, overpoweringly hot!  “I see something I’ve only felt…up until now…..and it looks just as….mouth watering? as it feels.  Javier, I’m raising my hand, a question?  May I touch… (Kurt just couldn’t help himself)?  I’m sorry, Javier, I didn’t mean to get ahead of you.  For another lesson; yes, I understand.  Not just a little….please??…yes, okay.” Kurt was quiet for a moment. ” You asked what I see?  Let me think..” Oh, my god, am I really doing this????  Searching for words to describe Javi’s cock???  “It appears we have something in common….you’re certainly not…..diminutive; very, very masculine and tantalizing, definitely larger than fun-sized but just right for fun, not snack-sized either, but would make a very tasty snack…..not what I would imagine of one of my…..um, teachers…I don’t mean to contradict you, but you did ask for adjectives and….oh, now I understand…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make this….harder… on you than it already is…Javier.”  

“Kurt, you are such a delightful student, but you still have sooooo very much to learn….and I’m the only available teacher…..  Please, close your eyes again, and clear your mind.  We can never practice this too much.   Unfortunately, I may have let the lesson plan go farther than I should have, but a good teacher always has an exit strategy…..not that I want to exit….I have to finish this lesson…. I should stop….this is so….so wanton…you’re just so intoxicating, Kurt…..it’s lustful and greedy of me…..how will I ever be able to confess this to a priest?  I’m so weak….and immoral…..you called me mouth watering?….you should never have said that…well, yes, it’s a very descriptive adjective….I know you’re just a boy, Kurt, but…..”

Again, Javi’s voice took on it’s professorial tone, “Imagine, you are watching me and I am watching you, really watching.  My hands, my facial expressions, the way my body moves; you can see it all from whatever distance you like, up close, far away….and I can do the same.  I need to watch how your hands move over that….oh, what’s that word?…. beddable, yes beddable….  body of yours; I can feel what your hands are feeling, touch what your hands are touching….and when I tell you I want you to take that rock-hard cock and those kissable cojones….oh, I’m so ashamed of myself….I shouldn’t be saying these things to you…..your mama would be so alarmed….I want you to make love to yourself…..oh! I love that, too!…..naked, make love to yourself! don’t you just adore our vocabulary lessons?….except we’ll be doing it together.  And please move your phone as close as you can to your sexy voice….I need to hear you….Kurt.”

Kurt was already lost in the description, his mind working almost effortlessly, like these ideas and thoughts had always been there just waiting for the right time to be brought out into the open.  As he returned to touching his chest, his arms, his thighs, sliding both open hands over places he had never considered touching this way, his breathing quickened and he could hear Javi’s breathing increase as well; his mind was overflowing with images of Javi on that bed….experiencing all of this just as Kurt was.  

Quietly, he heard Javi say, “Kurt…..do want to learn to fly?”  By this point, Kurt wanted to do anything Javi wanted to teach him.  “Oh….yes…..please…touch yourself, Kurt…..I love watching you….your cock in your hand…..your balls in your other hand….those long….knowledgeable fingers, tasting your porcelain skin and all you can do is feel and want….and think about me watching you….your heart is beating in your ears…..you see my indecently defenseless body behind your eyelids….in your mind….you’re losing all control….and it feels unbelievable…..you can’t stop…..you don’t want to…..stop…..you don’t want me to stop either…..I’ve taken this way too far…….but all I want is to hear your pleasure….it’s so very wrong, I know…Kurt…..let me hear you describe….no, let me describe, I can see that you might be unable to think or even say, but there will be a test….later…..of course…..I can hear…..you’re struggling….so you provide the vocals, I’ll provide the lyrics (Javi smiled to himself)……positively electrifying…..the slightest touch like lightning…..yesss, I’m watching your body move in tune with your sweet, sweet sighs, soooo sweet…I can almost taste them…..Kurt…..noooo, Kurt….please no….I’m your teacher…….stop begging me to touch you, to taste you…..I can’t bear it when you plead with me like that…..stop, please stop….Kurt…..no, don’t call me Javito …it drives me wild…I am not your love, your amor…..I can’t ever be….I want to……Kurt…but….no…..”   Javi released a long moaning sigh….”I think it’s time to bring you back to Earth…..just a little faster……now, on the way down ssslllloowwww……ah, very impressive…Kurt….the perfect landing….”  Now, that was fun!!!!!  Javi sat back on the bed, smiling like the Cheshire cat.  All he could hear….all he wanted to hear was his Kurtito almost gasping for breath…..so hot!!!!  He’d deal with himself later.  He had every moment of this stored in his memory bank. 

He waited for Kurt to regain a degree of consciousness, thoroughly enjoying all the gasps and whimpers and sighs his phone provided.  “Ah, mi Kurtito!  Wasn’t that one of the best flights you’ve ever taken?  I think you might be ready for a pilot’s license, mi amor.”  Kurt gave a final sigh and said, “What was that all about????”  Javi knew he couldn’t hide the smile in his voice, “Oh, just an extra class I thought you might like.  It’s not often that you get one-on-one private lessons in college, mi bebe.  What?  You didn’t like Javier and Kurt?  Mr. Hummel and Mr. Ramos Ruiz?  I would hate to fire them…they seem to have a very….oh, unconventional but strangely erotic relationship.  I’m sure that Kurt still has some valuable lessons he could learn from Mr. Ramos Ruiz, don’t you think?  And for future lessons I recorded all of it on my phone.  Kurtito, no, stop!  I’m kidding!”, He couldn’t contain his laughter any longer.

“Oops!  My phone is dying and I really have to go get out of these clothes, mi amor.  Well, of course, I still have my clothes on.  I can’t walk around here naked…don’t you love that word?… with my sister around.  Next time, you can be the teacher….that is, if you think you’re up for the task….Kurt.”  And with that Javi’s voice and Javi were gone.

Kurt just looked at his phone, stunned.  He laid there on the couch while a million emotions delivered their tiny taunts through his mind and body.  After he’d covered the spectrum from feeling a bit foolish lying there with absolutely nothing on, feeling vulnerable, feeling maybe a touch angry, maybe a touch vengeful, he finally settled on laughing at himself and knowing he was now “it.”  And what did he have to be upset about?  That whole….thing, he’d run out of words to describe what it was like playing Javi’s games….was incredible!!!!  Sometimes he wondered how in the world he had arrived here, with this wonderfully crazy, sexy person – Javi had literally turned his entire world upside down, not just sexually, but in every way.  Oh, Kurt was without a doubt up to the task of turning the tables on Javier or Mr. Ramos Ruiz…depending on whether it was Kurt or Mr. Hummel who showed up in the classroom of his own imagination.  It may take some time, but he would show Mr. Ramos Ruiz all about Mr. Hummel’s own unique teaching style.  And with Javi in Mexico he had plenty of time to plan his own wonderfully wicked revenge.

To quote himself from years ago, yes, Kurt Hummel was having a pretty good year!

CHAPTER 46 – MEXICO

Tomorrow Javi would leave for Mexico. He’d provided Kurt with a hard copy of his itinerary, just to be on the safe side. He was just old enough to remember what it was like before everyone basically carried a computer in their pockets. They’d talked at length about how they would keep in touch. There was only a one-hour time difference, San Diego one hour earlier than Mexico City. Because Javi would be the more mobile one, he would call Kurt in the evening, text when he could and they would decide as the days played out what would be a good time to Skype.

Javi had prepared what they called their Invasion of the Body of Snatchers kit, the name a carryover from when they had first devised a creative way of living out their fantasies, all because Kurt found no real fulfillment in solitary masturbation. Javi still remembered how happy he’d been when Kurt had opened up to him about his dilemma. Javi admired Kurt’s courage, his ability to be straightforward about any number of sensitive topics. He carried with him his favorite pics of Kurt, especially the ones Kurt had allowed Javi to take of him, Kurt being contemplative, Kurt being silly, Kurt being sexy, and some candid shots on his phone that he really loved. There were various toiletries, candles and oils, most vanilla and sandalwood scented, some other scents that Kurt liked, cinnamon, roses. He had a variety of Kurt’s clothing, anywhere from shirts to underwear; anything with Kurt’s scent on it. He also had some more videos that Kurt had given him at his request and Javi was rather surprised he wasn’t more reluctant to do so after his reaction to others viewing Le Jazz Hot!

Of course, Kurt had all that he needed right here and at the loft. Javi had offered to let him stay at the house whenever he wanted while he was gone. And besides he needed someone to water the plants and he liked the idea of Kurt being there, making the place look lived in. Usually when he left in the fall for Mexico, he’d sublet his house just so it appeared occupied. And for the time being it was occupied, and so was Javi; he was memorizing everything he could about Kurt, from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet while pretending to watch TV. The first time they’d be apart, not just overnight in the same city or state for whatever reason, but in completely different countries. And Kurt was doing the same as they attempted to watch Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again. Kurt had loved the original Mamma Mia! but he couldn’t keep his mind on the plot. Finally, they looked at each other, shrugged, and gave up.

“Well, this isn’t working is it? Maybe we’ll try again when I get back.” Kurt nodded, stretched out on the couch and laid his head in Javi’s lap. “What videos are you planning to take with you, mine, I mean?” Kurt asked, trying to make conversation while really wanting to know the answer. “Let’s see, I think they were Lucky Star, Some People and I’m the Greatest Star…and maybe one other, but I can’t remember.” In reality, Javi had already watched them, more than once, and was taking them just so he could really study them, and with that in mind, he attempted to open up a conversation about what had happened on Halloween….not after the party, although he wouldn’t mind talking about that at all, but about Le Jazz Hot! and what Adam had said that Kurt felt he had to think about, hoping Kurt would want to tell him.

“And speaking of your videos, if you don’t mind telling me, what was it that Adam said? That you have to think about, I mean.” Kurt remained still and absentmindedly reached up to play with the loose ringlets falling across Javi’s forehead as he looked down at Kurt. “He thinks I’m letting my problems from way back in grammar school forward hold me back. As he put it, I’m letting them win, I’m letting them rob me of my self-esteem, that I’m giving them exactly what they want, or words to that effect.” Javi stroked Kurt’s cheek, “And what do you think, mi amor? You’ve told me about some of the bullying you dealt with….maybe not all of it, but if it was anything like that whole mess with Dave whatever-his-name-is, it would surprise me if you weren’t still struggling with it. You’re only 22, a very mature 22, but still…it hasn’t been that long ago.” Kurt sighed, “Yeah, I know. I did go through some counseling for it; well, actually I went through quite a bit of counseling, but again, Lima wasn’t exactly inundated with counselors and psychologists specializing in sexual identity and how to deal with the haters.” He placed his hand on Javi’s and laced their fingers. “But it’s a little late for that, doncha think?” “Like I said, you’re only 22; it hasn’t even been 10 years in the past. Do you really want to know what I think?” Javi didn’t want to offer an opinion if Kurt wasn’t ready or really didn’t want to hear it. Kurt thought for a minute, then said, “Yes, I really do, because I know whatever it is you’d never try to make me do anything I don’t want to.” Now here was some progress! Kurt honestly trusted him.

“Okay, mi amor, this is what I think. I think there’s some truth to what Adam said, but not having lived your childhood and beyond, what you do or don’t do about it is up to you. I can tell you that once I’d been in Mexico City and living with Antonio for a while, I realized I needed some help. It wasn’t so much that I’d dealt with bullies; it was that my sexuality wasn’t even acknowledged, which in some ways told me that I wasn’t even being acknowledged as a person. Even though I didn’t really know at the time what it was that made me different, that placed me on the outside of their lives, I wasn’t unaware of how others were feeling or acting toward me. If my family or anyone would have known I was gay, and I’m pretty sure some did, there was no way they would have said, “Oh, that’s okay, Javi…well, Javier….we love you for who you are not who you’re attracted to!” Javi’s voice had risen, and, yes, it still upset him! He tried to rein it in so he could get his point across, “I needed to get all of that anger…that repression…the lack of compassion…all of it! I needed to get it out in the open and examine it so I could finally accept myself as the person I was, not the person no one wanted to recognize as worthy of their affirmation. It was like an ever present undercurrent, we know what you are and that’s not acceptable, and if it’s not acceptable, it doesn’t exist in our eyes. So, I found some help! If I’d never left Quintana Roo and moved to Mexico City I’d probably still be who knows where wondering who knows what about myself! You’re in California now, Kurt. Probably the gay psychology capital of the world. If you can’t find what you might need here, ya know?”

Kurt had never seen Javi so vehement about anything except possibly that he would never take Kurt to Mexico with him! But then it was something that had deeply affected and defined both of their lives. Kurt was fully aware that he was just as capable of being straightforward with others while often hiding from himself. He sat up on the couch and enfolded his Javi in his arms and for a while they just held each other in silence. When Kurt felt Javi relax, he let go, and for Javi what seemed like out of nowhere asked, “Mi Javito, when did you know what your purpose in life was?….How did you know?” Kurt almost sounded …frantic? Like he was afraid if he didn’t ask the question now, he might never get another chance. Javi thought it might be because they wouldn’t be together almost every day for the first time since they met; he was feeling sort of lost, too….half a continent away….Javi really had to think before answering. It wasn’t like you suddenly got an engraved invitation telling you that you’d just been summoned to make an acquaintance with your life’s purpose or purposes. In fact, sometimes you didn’t even realize what you might be doing was your life’s purpose until you were already doing it.

“Oh, mi, mi, mi Kurtito…I don’t know that I have a very good answer to that, but I’ll try. Despite the many emotional issues I grew up with, one glorious constant in my life was music. My whole family is very musical and I was probably singing from the moment I could talk. Mi papa was a choir director for three different choirs in and around Quintana Roo and I was a part of all of them at some point or another. And then there was school and church. In our church we sang almost everything, hymns, prayers, sometimes even parts of the sermons. Singing was sort of the fabric of my life! It’s how I learned the meaning of joy! I don’t know that I knew as a child that I was destined for a career in music, but it didn’t take me long to figure out as I grew older that I couldn’t spend my life in Quintana Roo. If I knew anything it was that I’d wither and die there. Yes, I probably could have made a career there just like mi papa did, but I knew even then that I was different. I wasn’t destined to make my life in the church, any church….I knew what I believed was rooted in the church I grew up in, but I had too many ideas and thoughts that differed from their doctrine…and being gay? Even though I wasn’t sure about that yet or at least wasn’t ready to acknowledge it myself, Quintana Roo was where I grew up, but it wasn’t home to me. I’d already started taking my music beyond the church and the choirs without my family knowing. I was singing backup vocals at 15. That’s when I started meeting people who lived a completely different life in music than I did. They introduced me not only to every kind of music I could imagine, but also to people who I knew were like me, although they weren’t out any more than I was at the time. It was almost like living in a secret society or something. Anyway, I managed to hide all of that from my parents for two years, but of course, when my father found out, he told me I had to stop or I would have to leave, those were my choices. I didn’t even have to think twice; I moved in with some other musicians, managed to finish school, and left for Mexico City the day after I graduated, me and some of the friends I’d been living with. And you know the story of how I met Tonio and how Mateo was born. So, I don’t know that I was really aware that music and entertaining was my purpose, or one of them, until I was in the midst of Mateo. After Tonio died, I knew I couldn’t give it up. I do remember if I said only one prayer growing up it was that God would show me my way, and especially after I realized Quintana Roo was not my home, not really. I hope that helps.”

Kurt gave Javi a smile and laid his head back on the couch, “I guess I have more than enough to think about while you’re gone. Much as I hate to admit it, I do think you and Adam are right, or at least right enough that I should seriously consider finding a counselor. I hope you have some suggestions. And maybe somewhere in all of that, my purpose in life will magically show itself! And….okay, I’m going to ask this and it sounds kind of….oh, I don’t know, ridiculous…but who or what do you pray to when you don’t know what you believe? Seriously, I know I believe in a higher power but, what do I call it?”

“Kurt, you don’t have to call a higher power anything! I don’t always address God as God. Sometimes just saying something as simple as “Show me the way” is a prayer. If you really believe that someone is listening, then that someone will hear you and sometimes that someone will answer you in any variety of ways, not just in words…in fact, rarely in words. It’s like developing an inner sense of that someone. Tell me, what kind of religious education did you have?”

“If you’re talking about formal education, I took a semester of Comparative Religion in high school. That’s about the extent of it. We were taught about the different religions, their history, their doctrine, nothing very in depth, but enough to….well…compare them. Like I said before, I went to church with friends sometimes, and of course weddings and funerals, but all of that was Christian. What I mean is I have no experience with other faiths.”

“Well, start with where you’re comfortable and with what you know. And if you’re curious about something outside of that, use the resources you have. The internet, books…there are all kinds of religious organizations here that are gay friendly. Many of our friends live faith-based lives, Kurt. I’ll give you some names before I leave if you want. They can probably help with finding a counselor, too. I think I have more friends who’ve needed one at some point than those that haven’t.”

“Let’s get out of here,” Javi said, hoping to take their minds off of his departure, “The sun will be setting in a couple hours and I know the perfect place to watch it!” As soon as the picnic basket was filled with their usual snacks and drinks, they called a taxi and 10 minutes later they were sitting on a cliff overlooking one of the many splendid San Diego beaches. There was a slight breeze, the temp was in the 70s and they were lying on a blanket looking up at an almost cloudless sky.

Do you know what I’d probably be doing right now if I was still in New York?” “Wishing you were in San Diego?” Kurt laughed, “Well, probably! If I was outside at all I’d be wearing a sweater at the very least, maybe even a coat and I wouldn’t even be thinking about watching the sun set. I might be in Central Park, but more likely I’d be taking the subway going somewhere to meet friends. Or I’d be inside watching movies or doing homework.” “That doesn’t sound particularly awful, mi amor, I’m sure New York has something great to offer! If it didn’t, why would so many people live there?” “Oh, it’s not that it has nothing good to offer, but San Diego has more of what I think I need,” Kurt said, reaching for Javi’s hand, “And New York can be pretty depressing in the winter.”

Javi propped himself on one elbow and turned his full gaze on Kurt. “Do you know what this reminds me of, Kurtito? Remember the day in the park when we first met and we used our fingers to demonstrate the different sides of a relationship, the physical and the mental, emotional and spiritual?” How could Kurt forget! It was one of the most sensual experiences of his life! “Hmmmm……I’m not sure…would you mind refreshing my memory?” Javi looked at Kurt as if to say, “What am I going to do with you?” and then said, “Well, since you’re not sure I suppose I’ll have to teach you all over again….you know how I hate repeating a life lesson…but okay.”

Kurt sat up on one of the cushions they’d brought along, his legs crossed. After they were comfortable, Kurt said, “Eyes open or closed?”

“We’ll start with eyes closed, I think.” Javi whispered, “We start with the frosting..” and using all of his fingers, he began to explore Kurt’s face, starting at his brow, outlining his eyebrows with a single finger, moving to his eyelids, then his eyelashes, brushing them lightly, as Kurt sighed blissfully. As he knew he would, he was discovering subtle nuances to Kurt’s perfectly imperfect face, and even his body, though his fingers were only traversing his face. He now intimately knew the dark circles that formed under his eyes when Kurt didn’t get enough sleep, the way his lips could express his mood, the dimples he unsuccessfully sought to hide when he tried not to laugh, what his tears looked like as they clung to Kurt’s eyelashes when he attempted to blink them away. He knew the direction in which he tilted his head to kiss, how Kurt rarely kissed him without wrapping some part of Javi’s body in his own, how his long fingers instinctively reached for Javi’s hair, playing with the curls, or how he’d play with the earring Javi wore, the one with Kurt’s initial on it. As he reached the dimple in Kurt’s chin, he wanted to do nothing more than kiss it, then scatter every inch of his face in kisses, but he refrained, continuing his exploration of Kurt’s ears, tracing the letter “J” on his earring, slowly moving down his neck until he reached the sensitive hollow at the bottom of his throat. He kissed one of his fingers and applied it to that spot with just a touch of pressure, lingering there just long enough to hear Kurt’s muffled whimper. “Open your eyes, mi Kurtito.” Kurt slowly opened his prismatic eyes and as the light from the approaching sunset struck them, Javi recognized the color of undisguised desire.

As Kurt reached for Javi’s fingers, maintaining a steadfast gaze, he brought his fingers to his lips and kissed each one. “Javi….I…,” Kurt was unable to continue, he felt like his heart was stuck in his throat. “Now, it’s my turn…I get to lick the spoon…and think about what’s different this time. Compare it to the first time and let your mind’s eye guide you.” Javi closed his eyes and Kurt smiled down at his lap, he gets to lick the spoon…like two kids trying to claim the prize. He started with Javi’s hair, combing his fingers through the midnight blue curls he adored, moving close enough to kiss him. He took a deep breath and steadied himself and as he lightly marched his fingers over Javi’s face, he let his breath out lightly, while continuing his exploration. He touched Javi’s chin, running his fingers along the slight stubble, noting the difference between how it felt and how the soft skin of his nose and his brow felt. His fingers wandered over his eyelids, his lashes, his eyebrows, then moving lower, touching his lips, lingering there, reminding himself of how they felt on his own. He sensed more than heard Javi’s sigh as he fanned his hands out over his cheeks, then drew his fingers along Javi’s jawline, caressing each side, and now he understood what Javi meant. Javi’s lips, the last time they’d done this, he had no idea what those full, flirtatious lips could do to his own, to his heart, to his mind, to his body. Now, he knew the way Javi spoke with his entire being, how his eyes laughed, cried and changed color as well with a shift in mood. How he was completely at home in his body, loving himself inside and out, and not even a bit afraid of letting it speak to the world around him. The way he could more often than not intuit what Kurt needed. The way he would sometimes bite his lower lip when he was deep in thought. The sadness that revealed itself when he’d look to the ceiling, then look to the floor, especially when he talked about his family. He used his index finger to lightly tug on the earring that mirrored the one he wore, the only difference being the initial that dangled from it. He ran his finger down Javi’s jawline on that side, then stopped at his chin, tilting his head so he could see his profile, tracing his silhouette from his brow back to the chin, feeling Javi shiver, as he said, “Open your eyes, mi corazon.” Javi took Kurt’s fingers and opened his eyes, knowing exactly what Kurt was seeing, wanting to make love to him right there on a San Diego cliff as the sun set. What they saw in each other’s eyes was more magnificent than any sunset, but with effort he redirected Kurt’s attention to the magical vision of nature and they sat quietly while the sun continued its descent.

“And now for the cake, how do you feel about spice cake?” “What????” Kurt laughed. “Spice cake! Don’t you think that fits us? My brown skin, your snowy white skin? You combine us, throw in some cinnamon, maybe some nutmeg, a little ginger, cloves? Don’t you think that describes us well?” “Sure! why not? Better than fruitcake, I guess!” Kurt continued shaking his head.

“Okay, so in the time that we’ve known each other, what have you learned about me that works well with your idea of a foundation?” “You mean other than you’re a bit spicy? Okay, alright, let me think for a moment. Um…you’re honest and you don’t try to sugarcoat things. You pay attention…sometimes almost too much, but that’s not always a flaw. You’re not afraid….well, of most anything as far as I can tell, with the exception of taking me to Mexico. I guess that just makes you protective. You’re loyal, or so it appears to me. You respect yourself and you respect other people no matter what, unless you believe they don’t deserve your respect, and you don’t back away from confrontation. You love being creative. You’re compassionate. You love life, all of it, and you don’t want to miss any of it.” Kurt stopped and waited for Javi to say something.

“Wow! I’m a pretty fantastic guy! I’ll wait until after our first fight to ask what you’d like to remove from the cake. We could argue about something now and get that part over with! I could wrestle you to the ground and sit on you until you get frustrated enough to hit me or something. Okay, I’ll get serious again, although I really wouldn’t mind wrestling you to the ground….oh! don’t arch your eyebrow at me…” Let’s see, you’re way beyond creative, I can’t think of a word big enough to describe all of your talents. You aren’t afraid to ask questions or take risks if it means you’ll learn something from it. And you’re honest and loyal, too. You’re adamant about fidelity. I love that. I know I can trust you with who I am. You’re not overly impressed with “Javi” the celeb, although you should be! Okay, alright! You’re respectful, polite, sensitive. You’re not afraid of being alone. By that, I mean you’re okay with solitude. You want me and need me, but you’re not needy. You’re not manipulative. You make me feel secure in our relationship.”

“Hmmmm…., you really see all that?” Kurt asked, sounding a bit uncertain. “Yes, mi amor, I really see all that…..I think we might be baking a very edible spice cake. And speaking of edible, remember the frosting? It’s time for me to lick the spoon,” Javi pushed Kurt to the ground and sat on his stomach and laid siege to his mouth, coaxing Kurt’s tongue between his lips, then into his mouth, slowly and smoothly sucking Kurt’s tongue as Kurt relaxed and wrapped his arms tightly around Javi’s neck, sighing, his moans low and responsive, wanting more….so much more….and Javi was determined that he would have it, that they both would have so much more….He reluctantly ended the kiss, but not before they’d tasted each other lips a few more times…..”Kurt, we missed the sunset.” Kurt looked around like he’d just awakened from a dream and looked into Javi’s soft brown eyes, “I don’t think we missed a thing, mi bebe.”

They called a cab, grabbed the picnic basket, folded the blanket and were ready when their ride arrived. It was a little after 7 when they got back home. Kurt had finally given in and started calling it home, rather than the house or Javi’s place. It was home as far as they were concerned. They finished what was in the picnic basket for dinner, checking to make sure Javi had everything he needed for his trip waiting in the living room when Javi said, “Oh! I forgot one thing! Kurt, would you mind helping me?” Kurt followed him back to his bedroom to get whatever it was he’d forgotten, but when he opened the door the room was dark except for the lighting provided by flameless candles scattered here and there, giving the room a sense of warmth and calm. The bed was covered in a dark blue down comforter, scattered with yellow rose petals, the remaining roses in two vases on one of the dressers. The light rose scent filled the room.

There were grapes with slices of apricots and tangelos in small covered dishes on each nightstand. “Javi…? You’ve recreated…..” “Yes, mi amor, I tried….I wanted to give us something special to remember until I’m home again….” Kurt was afraid he was going to cry, whether from the surprise or all they were feeling over being away from each other, he didn’t know….”Oh, mi Kurtito! Don’t….why are you crying?….” but he didn’t wait for an answer, he took Kurt in his arms and silently held him, until Kurt’s emotions were under control again. How he adored this sweet, sensitive man!

“Come, get comfortable, mi amor,” and as Kurt lay down he realized his head was resting on one of the pillows from that memorable night, blue silk and red velvet. He relaxed into the comforter, looked around the room again and then closed his eyes. After Javi had laid down beside him, he cuddled next to Kurt’s side and sighed contentedly. “Tonight is about us, but you start, please. I want to see how much you remember,” Kurt smiled in the semi-darkness. “Don’t lie to me, mi chiquito chico (little boy), you’re not good at it, ya know. You’re just waiting to turn the tables on me…” “Oh, maybe,” Javi said, having no such thought in mind, “but you’ll never know until you try….or we could just watch some T..” “Oh shut up,” Kurt stopped him, kissing him slowly but firmly while unbuttoning the flowered shirt he wore until Javi lay with his chest bared. Kurt sat up and drank in all the beauty that was Javi. He wanted to ravage his chest with his kisses, with his tongue, his fingers….but if he’d learned anything in his time with Javi it was that patience and waiting were just as much fun as letting your emotions run wild. He closed his eyes and allowed his mind to return to that night….employing all the senses….and as Kurt searched his memory, Javi opened his eyes just enough to watch him. He tried not to move a muscle, luxuriating in Kurt, his unbelievable, beautiful, sexy Kurtito, conjuring up ways to do nothing but bring him pleasure…and he would, oh, he would….Kurt reached for the dish with the tangelo slices in it, removed the cover and took in the citrusy aroma. He took Javi’s fingers in his and shifted his body so that they were laying face to face. Kurt again closed his eyes and breathed in the tart scent and holding it between his fingers let Javi do the same. He lowered one end of the slice to Javi’s lips, tracing them with it, gently squeezing the tangelo until a few drops of juice trickled over his lips. Kurt took the slice of fruit between his teeth and then gently used his index finger to probe the underside of Javi’s lower lip, drawing it downward while caressing it with the bit of fruit. Javi drew Kurt’s face close to kiss him as Kurt captured Javi’s mouth and bit down on the sliver of fruit releasing the juice onto their lips and their tongues, tasting the flavor as though it were their own. Suddenly overwhelmed with yearning, Kurt also took Javi’s face into his hands, holding him still as he moved the fruit to a safe space in his mouth, and kissing him open-mouthed with such ferocity he couldn’t think; all he could do was feel. And Javi was responding, knowing he shouldn’t…..his mind surrendering to his body, to Kurt’s body….and then just as suddenly Kurt with herculean effort fell back on the bed, trying to control his breathing once more. Javi knew Kurt was lying there silently condemning himself. When Kurt’s breathing came back to normal, Javi propped himself on one elbow and turned Kurt’s face to his, “Look at me, mi amor, please….please, look at me.” Finally, Kurt raised his eyes to Javi’s and started to say something, but Javi stopped him, “No! I won’t let you beat yourself up over this. We’re in this together. Maybe it’s just too much emotion; we’re heading into the unknown, ya know? Come here,” and he took Kurt into his arms and then let him lay his head on Javi’s shoulder. Saying nothing, they took in the calm atmosphere again, the candles, the sense of peace, the comfort of laying together. Javi reached for a handful of the yellow rose petals and let them fall over Kurt’s body.

“Oh, mi beautiful, caressible Kurtito….there is so very much I want to say to you…I don’t know where to begin,” but begin he did. “What we talked about today. The things that are creating our foundation, and yes, we are creating a foundation. I will never ever tell you something about us, about you, that I don’t believe to be true. You are everything I said you are and more. We crossed a bridge today, the first of many I hope, I believe. I know I can trust what you told me about myself, what you see in me, those things that are important for you. And I know how frustrating it is to hold ourselves apart, physically and emotionally. I want to give you every bit of me every single moment and oh, how I want every single bit of you, especially right now when we are so vulnerable.” Javi leaned over and kissed Kurt’s forehead and as if he’d just thought of something, he reached for the TV remote and said, “I want to show you something. This might give you some insight into….us. Why, “us” is so important.”Javi turned on the TV and brought up Youtube. Kurt remained silent, just watching Javi and moving closer, wrapping his arm around Javi’s waist. “I want you to listen to this song, the lyrics. It’s by a Christian artist, but the ideas apply to us or anyone trying to build a good relationship. There is Christian ideology in the verses, but whether you believe anyone ever died for you, it doesn’t matter. The point is that what Jesus taught was all about what real love is and what the price of trying to love that way can be. The truth is he did die for what he believed in and taught. I sing it occasionally in concerts because I love what it says, and after Antonio was gone, as sort of a tribute to him, although I was the only one who knew that. Please, just listen.”

Don’t Say I Love You Too Soon

Kurt closed his eyes and concentrated on the song. It was haunting; the lyrics gave him chills. Javi played it twice, not saying a word. When the last notes had faded and he’d clicked the TV off, Kurt looked up and saw that this time it was Javi who was crying. Kurt sat up and tried to kiss his tears away. “Talk to me, mi amor. Tell me what’s on tu corazon (your heart).” When he was finally able to talk, Javi said, “Do you know how very much I want to say those words to you? How much I want to hear them from you? There are times when I want to throw every thought I ever had about long-term relationships out the window and give in to all the explosive fire between us over and over….like tonight. Kurt, I want you so much. I’ve wanted you from the very moment I saw you sitting there at The Rafters and if you’d been willing I probably could have had you that night. But, with only one look into those kaleidoscope eyes I knew I didn’t want you for just one night. I knew you were the reason why I’d waited seven years and I’m hoping that I’m the reason you waited for two. I’ve been searching for all or nothing, and I can’t give in to what I might think is all, only to find out it was nothing. You and I, we believe in soulmates. And we both thought we’d found them in Tonio and Blaine, and maybe we did, but I also believe a person can have more than one soulmate. At the risk of saying too much too soon, I believe with my whole heart that you are my soulmate, mi amor. And like the song says, “It’s a phrase that brands the heart with fire and iron.” You’ll always remember the first time Blaine said I love you, the first time you said I love you too, just like I will always remember those words between Tonio and me. I want those words branded on our hearts like fire and iron. When we say those words….I don’t ever want to follow them with the word, but. I don’t know if I explained why what we’re doing right now, physically I mean, is any different than if we were completely sexually involved. Just like with straight couples, if you want to maintain a sense of boundaries, there are certain things you can and can’t do. Many couples wait until marriage to move forward with, I don’t know what to call it, the ultimate act of sexual involvement. To put it bluntly, there is something about allowing another person to physically join with your body that says more than simple foreplay…or it should say more. It’s a moment you can never get back, whether you’re a virgin or not. In its purest sense, it should be the ultimate display and affirmation of trust.”

For a time all Javi heard was the sound of Kurt breathing, until he felt Kurt’s hand slip into his own, like it had always found its home there. “Javi, until we met I was positive I’d never want to fall in love again. I was only there that night because Adam guilted me into going with him. I thought I’d given everything that was worth having to Blaine and the very idea of doing that again with someone else….I not only didn’t want to think about it, I didn’t even want to try. It was like I’d handed my very being to someone and they’d handed it back to me all bent and twisted and broken. The night I met you….well, there it was all over again, that feeling, that hope. And I didn’t want to hope; honestly, you scared me to death. But as cliche as this sounds, I knew you were different and not just because you were dressed like the Latinx version of Elton John,” he smiled a little. “I felt like I was in some slow motion movie or something. And then it felt like a runaway train when we started talking about relationships only days after we met, but in all of that there was something that told me I could trust you, maybe not all of me, maybe not that part of me that was bent and twisted and broken, not yet, but the part of me that dared to hope. And tonight, you’re right, all of my feelings for you are right at the surface. Wanting you completely…it’s like a constant preoccupation. But….I know….completely for us is not just something physical. I can’t….no, I won’t go through all of….that….until I’m sure.”

Tenderly, Javi took Kurt’s face into his hands again, kissed him lovingly, and asked, “Should we try this again?” To which Kurt replied, “Oh, yes….definitely, yes…” As they lay back again on the bed, Javi slowly unbuttoned Kurt’s forest green shirt and softly touched his chest running his fingers through the soft carpet of hair. Kurt broke their kiss, lowering Javi’s head to his chest, longing for him to take a nipple into his mouth. As he did so, he began to lightly stroke the other nipple with the palm of his hand. As Kurt spoke his pleasure with each involuntary moan, he reached for Javi’s hair, gripping the curls, losing himself somewhere between oh, yes! and oh, no!….Javi rose again to kiss Kurt moving his lips over Kurt’s so lightly he could barely feel it and then as he sought to devour Kurt’s expectant lips, he slid his hand with soft intention over Kurt’s belly, unbuttoning his shorts and then swiftly, but skillfully moved his hand over the shorts, resting on his silently tempting and very apparent erection. Kurt was taken completely unaware. As Javi held Kurt’s mouth captive with his lips and his tongue, he kept a steady, insistent rhythm over his solid but defenseless cock, occasionally, yet mercilessly, reaching to stroke his clothing-covered balls. Kurt’s legs turned to jelly. He allowed his knees to fall open, moving with the rhythm of the hand that held him prisoner.

When Javi was sure Kurt could take no more, he unzipped his shorts, sliding them down as Kurt assisted kicking them to the floor. He took one of Kurt’s hands in his own, Kurt instinctively sliding it over his more than ready penis, as Javi placed his hand over Kurt’s, letting Kurt set the rhythm. He took his kiss to engulf Kurt’s nipple once more while using the fingers of his other hand to lightly pinch the opposite nipple. Within seconds, Kurt was completely lost in an orgasm, arching his back, set adrift in a jumble of “oh, my G….Javi, yes…..I…..oh…what you do to….me…..mi Javito…..mmmm, don’t stop…..not yet….,please, ple….” until all was quiet. Javi’s head lay on Kurt’s chest, his hand still covering Kurt’s. As he handed Kurt some tissues, he slid back up on the bed to lay beside him.

Kurt lay still, savoring this night and all that had transpired. When the fog in his brain had dissipated, he became more aware of Javi lying quietly beside him. When he opened his eyes, there was Javi, his gaze fixed on Kurt’s eyes as if he’d just been waiting for him to return to Earth. Without losing eye contact, he brushed the mess of curls aside to look even more deeply into the precious sight of liquid brown eyes, and leaned in to kiss his lover, but as Javi started to close his eyes, Kurt whispered, “Oh, no, no, no…..don’t close your eyes….please…” As Kurt kissed him slowly and tenderly, never lowering his eyes, he finally reached up and closed each of Javi’s eyelids. He placed his practiced hands on either side of Javi’s neck, stroking his jawline with his thumbs. He turned his head to one side, seeking the sensitive spot behind his ear that always responded to his kisses. Using the lethal tip of his tongue, he skipped playfully over Javi’s earlobe, hesitating to pay special attention to that tiny hollow behind it, suggestively whispering, “Javier. Ramos. Ruiz. I’m going to make very sure you miss me…..” As he continued his trek across Javi’s neck, he straddled his muscular, supple body, sweeping his hands across his chest, helping him out of his unbuttoned shirt. As Kurt hovered above Javi, still wearing only a pair of teeny bikinis, he turned slightly while sliding a hand down his belly until he reached the button of Javi’s shorts….but he left it buttoned. Instead, maintaining a steady, unrelenting pressure, his hand slipped over the shorts, finding his lusciously rigid hard-on, causing Javi to gasp a little, then settling into the rhythm of Kurt’s hand. Kurt removed his hand just long enough to nimbly turn his body around, again straddling Javi’s body. Employing both hands, he began by placing one on each side along the crease of his groin, slowly sliding the side of each hand up and then down, all the while Javi copying the movement with his pelvis, until his legs fell open wide, allowing Kurt to move lower still. As Kurt used the fingers of each hand to caress the skin underneath the hem of Javi’s shorts, he slowly inched his fingers upward, trailing his fingers along the edge of the bikinis. Javi struggled to maintain some sense of control, but his body wasn’t really listening, as Kurt finally flattened both hands, placing one on his swollen cock, and cradling his balls with the other.

Again, Kurt resumed the steady up and down movement, reaching for one of Javi’s hands, allowing him to undo the restraints of buttons and zippers. As he took charge, Kurt laid his hand firmly on top of Javi’s while continuing to use his other hand to run his fingers lightly over his balls, alternating with firmly caressing them through the shorts, watching Javi’s face and body for cues.

Javi lay spread eagle, abandoning himself to every touch, every stroke, pleading with Kurt for less and then more…..”oh, yes….Kurt….just your fingers….just your….I can’t….faster….fa…yes… harder…tighter….si, si….now…Kurt, Kurt, K…oh, yes Kurt….” and then the room was still, except for the sound of Javi’s breathing. He reached for Kurt drawing him upward and into his arms, holding him as if letting go wasn’t an option. When finally he did let go, he kissed Kurt. “Mi Kurtito, mi Kurtito, if you’re not the one, if I’ve waited all these years and you aren’t the one, then I don’t want anybody else. I need you like I need air to breathe.” Kurt remained quiet, just looking at that beautiful face, his voice so sincere, so adamant. He kissed Javi back, “Please come back to me, mi corazon. All I want is to spend the rest of my days with you. No one else will ever be you, never. And sometimes it still scares me, like maybe you’re not real….”

After spending an hour or so just talking and cuddling, Kurt started to get up to go to his room, but Javi stopped him. “No, mi amor, tonight you stay here with me, please. I don’t want to sleep alone, not tonight.” Kurt lay back down beside him, grateful that he didn’t have to sleep alone either. They had 14 days of solitary slumber ahead of them. As Kurt was about to drift off to sleep, safe in Javi’s arms, Javi murmured, “After tonight I think you know that neither of us are little boys, hmmmm?” Kurt mumbled, “Huhhh, what?” “You called me chiquito chico, a little boy. bebe.” Kurt smiled and said, “oh, no, I meant what I said, mi amor.” Javi started to tickle Kurt’s belly, “No, stop! Stop, Javi, stop acting like a chiquito chico or I may have to watch you grow all over again!” Javi laughed and kissed his ear, “Would that be such a bad thing?”

CHAPTER 45 – HALLOWEEN/LE JAZZ HOT

The week had gone by so quickly!  And Kurt was so excited for the weekend, especially Friday night; Halloween!  On Monday, he and Javi had worked on their costumes.  After the costume had arrived and Kurt had checked it over carefully, he realized he only had to make a few alterations.  He was more muscular than when he was in high school and definitely taller, so it was a good thing that the pants were loose and left lots of room for him to hem them.  Once they started putting it all together, deciding on makeup, taking everything off, then putting it back on, checking themselves out in the glass door mirrors in Javi’s bedroom, Kurt was almost glad Javi had suggested this.  He still felt a little self conscious about it, but as Javi had reminded him more than once, there would be others dressed in far less clothing and, besides, they did look rather sexy together in their attire.  

He’d called his dad earlier in the day to discuss holiday plans with him.  He loved his conversations with Burt and Carole.  It always reminded him of how very lucky he was to have such parents, and Carole was as close to a mother as he would ever have.  Carole had poured every bit of love into Kurt that she could no longer give to Finn.  Finn hadn’t been his stepbrother for very long when he died, but he still missed him terribly.  Finn was never really a stepbrother, he was a brother in every sense of the word from the day Burt and Carole were married.   

After they’d traversed the usual “how are yous” and “how’s school” chatter, Kurt took a breath and said, “Dad, I’ve met someone…someone who’s become very important to me.”  Burt smiled, he knew it!  Details, he wanted details, but he allowed Kurt to continue in his own way.  “His name is Javi…well, his name is really Javier Ramos Ruiz, Javi is his stage name.”  Burt remained silent, thinking stage name?  An actor, a singer, maybe? then said, “So tell me about him, Kurt.”  Kurt said in a rush of words, “Well, I’d like to bring him home with me over the holidays, if that’s okay.”  “Of course it’s okay!  Now, tell me about…Javi?”  “Si, I mean yes, Javi,” why was he so nervous?  “He’s a Latinx pop singer from Mexico, but he spends part of the year in San Diego.  He’s a really wonderful person, dad.  I’m happy for the first time in what seems like forever.”  “That’s pretty obvious, Kurt, and…?”  “Well, what do you want to know?”  “Oh, maybe, how old he is?  How long have you known each other?  What you like about him so much?  You know, the usual dad questions.”  

“I met him about a month or so after we got here.  He’s 35, and yes, we’ve talked about the age difference…Um, we both love music, obviously, and the arts in general.  He’s helped me make some friends here.  And he really cares about me…well, we care about each other a lot….”  Burt jumped in trying to save his son from the awkwardness.  “If he makes you this happy, as your generation would say I’m down with that, but I’m looking forward to meeting him.”  Of course, his dad mind was in overdrive, ideas bouncing all over the place, he’s 35?  A 13-year age difference….Mexico?  Is he an American citizen, too?  What kind of friends was Kurt making? Kurt had asked Javi if he would mind if his father watched some of his music videos.  Javi had basically said of course he didn’t mind…yes, to please invite him to check out anything he wanted to, and besides, how were they going to stop him?  He said if he was Kurt’s dad that’d be one of the first things he’d want to do and then probably look for anything on the net about this guy. “I asked him if he would mind if you watched some of his videos on Youtube…and of course there are interviews out there, too.  He sort of invited you to the party…..maybe that’s not the way to put it, but anyway…you know what I mean.”  Burt chuckled, “Kurt, don’t be so nervous, I’m glad you want me to meet him.”

Then Kurt continued in a tentative voice, “And um, I’m planning to meet with Blaine while I’m home…just to talk.” This probably bothered Burt more than a new boyfriend.  Like everyone else who loved Kurt, no one could stand the thought of his being hurt again.  Kurt had never told him the whole story behind their breakup, but he’d heard enough around Lima to get an idea of what had happened.  “I just need some answers, I guess.  I didn’t really give him a chance to clear the air before I moved out here…”  And no wonder, Burt thought.  If he would have bet on Kurt’s future, he was sure Kurt and Blaine would have made it together, even after that one breakup while they were still in high school.  “So, this is a good thing then?  Talking to Blaine, I mean?”  “Yeah, dad, it’s something I have to do.”  His son was a man now, but Burt would always want to protect him even when he knew that that was almost impossible.  They’d ended the conversation discussing the best days to arrange for the holidays and agreed to talk the following week.  He rarely texted Burt; he liked talking to him too much.

As Halloween approached, Kurt tried to get in as many hours as possible at work while at the same time keeping up with homework and recital practice, so it was no wonder the week had passed swiftly.  Javi had been in town, but had all kinds of arrangements to make for the scheduled appearances in Mexico coming up in November.  He was also trying to arrange subletting his apartment in Mexico City, wanting to be able to stay there when he needed to, while at the same time staying in San Diego as much as possible.  Normally, he would have spent November through April or May in Mexico City, but he wanted to be away from Kurt as little as possible.  His sister, Belita, was his first thought.  She’d wanted to leave Quinta Roo, against their parents’ wishes, of course, for a long time.  Even though she was in her late 20s and no longer living at home, she didn’t want to disappoint them.  Yet, she needed a change, and Javi wanted to help her find her way.  They were going to discuss it when he went back to Mexico.  As she’d said, she’d already disappointed their parents once by maintaining a relationship with her brother, what was one more disappointment?  They would never be happy for her no matter where she lived, unless it was Quintana Roo.  

Halloween!  Kurt loved it!  They weren’t celebrating a religious holiday that might be meaningless to some, they weren’t celebrating a national holiday that might be equally as meaningless for some, Halloween was just fun!  As far as Kurt was concerned all they were celebrating was dressing up and enjoying themselves.  The past two years he’d only gone along for the ride more or less.  He just couldn’t get into it, too many memories, with too many people who had lived their pasts with him and Blaine, and there was always the risk that Blaine would show up at any of the many parties that Kurt attended. 

It was going to take a while to prepare for the evening ahead, so he met Javi at the house.  They shared a late lunch of subs, relaxed in the media room for a bit, and then decided to get ready, giving them extra time in case there was a costume emergency.  Since it would take longer for Kurt to get ready, they started with his costume first.  They had to get the makeup just right and had to be careful not to get any of it on the ensemble including the cape.  Of course, Kurt had done this before, but it had been a few years, and he definitely needed Javi’s help.  He’d had to use makeup for every Mateo appearance as well as his own solo venues, and most especially for music videos, so it wasn’t like he didn’t know what he was doing.  However, he’d never done anything quite this elaborate.  He wrapped most of Kurt’s upper body in soft cotton fabric to catch bits of powder and eyeshadow that might fall before putting on the whole costume.  It was quite an effort, but when they were done Kurt was staggeringly gorgeous….or so Javi thought; Kurt said something like, we did a pretty good job….really, Kurt? Javi thought a pretty good job would be something Kurt might throw on to wear around the house, that “it” factor never disappeared even for a second.  

Another hour and a half was consumed completing Javi’s garb, but when they were finished Javi declared them la pareja mas caliente en San Diego (the hottest couple in San Diego)!  Kurt smiled at Javi, “And I’m hoping we’ll be even hotter when I get you back here and remove every stitch one button at a time….” Javi raised an eyebrow and said, “Now we can’t leave your favorite holiday party early, can we, mi Kurtito?” to which he replied, “But, Javi, I’m looking forward to a little trick or treat….all we have to decide is who gets to be the treat…”  God, Javi loved it when flirtatious Kurt materialized.  It made him want to skip the party at The Rafters and move on to the after party Kurt was describing….but he would wait.  There was no way he was going to give up the plans he’d made for this evening.

When they arrived at The Rafters, it was about a half hour into the festivities.  Javi had attended he didn’t know how many Halloween parties here, and he had timed their arrival based on past experience.  He was so proud to be with this luscious man and he wasn’t above enjoying the subtle and often not so subtle looks that Kurt elicited from his friends or strangers..he wasn’t picky.  And as they walked through the door, Javi enjoyed every second of watching this roomful of costumed men, some trying so very hard not to stare, some he didn’t know giving Kurt the once, and sometimes twice over, and still others welcoming them with whistles and “woahs.”  Several of his friends gave him a knowing look, as if they were in on some private joke.  Even under all that makeup, Kurt was blushing, even though he knew all the attention wasn’t directed at him alone. He’d already heard the stories of guys trying their own luck with Javi, and getting politely but firmly shot down, although Javi had never mentioned any of it; gossip was like a second language in their neighborhood.  Jeff, one of the bartenders, caught Javi’s eye, nodded and gave him a quick wink.  And of course they weren’t the only ones evoking such a response, there were plenty of whistles and woahs to go around!

As they made their way through the quickly growing crowd, Kurt was trying hard not to stare, too.  Javi had been right when he’d told Kurt that many would be there wearing as little as possible.  There were a couple of surfer dudes, not a difficult costume, but certainly one of the best ways to show off a toned and tanned physique if you didn’t mind carrying a surfboard around all night.  Some gladiators, chests bared, with and without spears and helmets, a variety of scantily clad superheroes – there were a few who looked as if they were just dressing like what he’d come to think of as a “typical Californian” in as little clothes as possible.  And of course there was also a variety of more traditional costumes, many very creative.

Kurt was glad to see that there was a wide assortment of food; he hadn’t eaten since lunch and he didn’t like to mix alcohol and an empty stomach.  That was another thing he really liked about San Diego.  Since people rarely drove, they didn’t need a designated driver.  He really wasn’t much of a drinker, but it was nice to know he didn’t have to concern himself with drinking more than he should.  Javi was hungry, too, so Kurt removed his cape and took it to the cloakroom trying to find a place as out of the way as possible so it wouldn’t get dirty, and besides it would have been difficult to eat or drink wearing it.  As he exited the cloakroom, again, he tried not to acknowledge the turning heads and eyes following him back to the table.  Even Javi had a hard time not staring; if it was possible, Kurt looked even better without the cape.

Since there were so many at the party who were somehow involved in entertainment, part of the festivities was that whoever wanted to do so could supply the bartenders with videos or DVDs of their performances or interviews.  Although the jukebox was the main form of entertainment most of the time at The Rafters, they still had five large-screen TVs available.  It had become part of the culture; you couldn’t have a successful club without them.  

Javi had found them a large booth and it wasn’t long before it was filled with several friends.  Adam and Ethan were seated with them, but Ethan was off somewhere being the social butterfly that was Ethan.  After they were settled again with some food and their drinks, Adam glanced at Kurt, “Where did you get that costume, Kurt?  It’s amazing!  And you look totally hot, my friend!  Makes me wish I would have tried harder back in New York, ya know?”  Kurt gave him the look, one raised eyebrow and pursed lips; Adam just laughed.  Nothing was more fun than getting under his roommate’s skin.  “No really, Kurt, where did you find it?”  “I made it back in Lima.  I used it for an audition.”  Typical Kurt, Adam thought, oh, this old thing?  “Wow!  I knew you had a way with a sewing machine, but….this?  Maybe you’ll make a costume for me next year!”  Adam was dressed as Prince and he looked terrific; purple was a good color for him.  He’d even carried a guitar with him.  Adam really wanted to ask Kurt about his conversation with Blaine, but he decided against it.  Why spoil Kurt’s favorite holiday?  There’d be another time to ask questions.  When Adam was done eating, he decided to go in search of Ethan and told Kurt he’d talk to him later.

As the frolicking and feasting went on around them, Kurt and Javi did their own socializing, Javi introducing Kurt to a few people he hadn’t yet met who were in the music industry.  Some were part of the group that helped Javi manage his own career, his tours and his personal appearances.  He tried to keep his career and his personal life separate most of the time, but tonight he’d made an exception.  It was getting close to 10 o’clock and there were several videos and DVDs that had been made available to the staff.  This had become a Halloween tradition at The Rafters and for most it had become one of the highlights of the evening, along with the reveling that began at midnight, the witching hour.  It was like attending a mini-concert with some of your talented, and sometimes not so talented, friends.  There were a few who created their own silly videos just for tonight.  

After everyone in the crowd had found a place to perch, Jeff and Bryan began airing the entertainment in no particular order.  Some were of highly talented actors, singers and musicians; others were pure camp, and all of it was a blast!  All received applause, and some even standing ovations.  Javi had provided one of his own of course.  He had chosen one of Kurt’s favorites, an official video for his album, Eterno.  The song was Sobrenatural (Supernatural). Kurt had told him that he actually used it in some of his fantasies, that’s how hot he thought it was.

 As the video played, Kurt snuck a peek at Javi, giving him one of his half-smiles and then leaned over kissing him on the cheek.  Neither were quite sure if the applause was for the video or for the kiss, not that they really cared.  Javi took hold of Kurt’s fingers, then ran his thumb up and down Kurt’s palm, and there it was, the electric shock coursing from his hand up through his arm.  He had to look away before he let himself do something more than kiss Javi’s cheek.  There were a few more videos, even Adam had volunteered one of his performances at NYADA.  Kurt loved Adam’s voice, so expressive.  It took him back for a moment to when they’d met.  At the time they had been in their own relationships, but when everything fell apart, they had been each other’s rock, a sounding board.  He often wondered why it hadn’t worked for him and Adam, other than the fact that they were both rebounding, or maybe that was the reason all by itself.  As Adam’s video ended, he waited for whatever was next.  Javi had told him they always stopped at midnight, the witching hour, and it was almost midnight.  He smiled over at Adam and gave him a thumbs up and as the applause died down, the next video started.  Suddenly, his mind was jolted back to the moment.  Oh, my God!  It was him!  Kurt quickly looked at Javi and shook his head, no, Javi hadn’t really done this….but, yes, Javi really had.  He reached for Kurt, securing him to his side, his arm around Kurt’s shoulder.  And there it was; Kurt now dressed exactly as he had been in the video performing Le Jazz Hot!  

LE JAZZ HOT – KURT HUMMEL

It never ceased to amaze Javi how Kurt commanded the stage from the very moment he set foot on it.  That profile, highlighted to its best advantage, that steady gaze screaming “Look at me!” to his audience, his timing, his sassiness, his voice, so sultry, then rising to unbelievable heights, who had a range like that, who controlled their voice so effortlessly?  As he danced lightly across the stage, emphasizing his male and female sides as the play and the song were meant to do, the sparkle of his clothing matching that “it” that could not be hidden, the room grew quiet.  Yes! thought Javi, they’re seeing it; they’re feeling it; this was why he’d invited some of his management team tonight.  He’d watched this innumerable times and it still gave him chills.

When it was over, Adam caught Kurt’s eye and mouthed, “What the hell?” and then broke out into a big smile, clapping as he stood up, and the entire crowd stood as well.  Kurt was stunned; he didn’t know what he was feeling.  Javi had planned all of this, but why?  It had been like pulling teeth just to get Kurt to agree to wear this outfit.  Javi had dressed in a top hat and tails to match the dancers in the video.  Of course, he understood why he’d wanted Kurt to wear it, he’d given him every single reason while begging him to agree.  But the video?  He’d been a kid when he’d done that, well, a teen, but, yeah, a kid.  And why was everyone making such a big deal of it?  Sure, the Glee clubbers had liked it, even Mr. Schue had liked it, but it was just a kid expressing his ideas about his sexuality and hoping to enlighten a handful of people on the subject.  

Finally, he looked over at Javi. who was smiling, but with tears in his eyes – why was he crying?  It wasn’t him up there on that screen!  Javi tried to wipe away his unshed tears without smearing his makeup.  “Why? Javi, why…” Javi placed a finger on Kurt’s lips and said, “Because you have to grasp what you have to offer the world before you can reach for your destiny.”  “But, I was just a kid!”  “Yes, and now you’re not!  Obviously that raw talent has been there for quite a long time,” and as Javi looked around, so did Kurt, they were still standing and asking for an encore?????  Oh, no!  Kurt was not going to expose himself this way.  He loved doing every single thing on that video, but he hadn’t sung a solo in ages.  Javi leaned over, “Kurt, address your audience, at least acknowledge their applause.”  Kurt rose slowly, barely able to look anyone in the eye.  He gave a small smile and a slight bow and sat down.  When it became obvious that Kurt did not intend to give in to their demands for an encore, everyone but Adam returned to party mode, awaiting midnight.  Adam sat down next to Javi, leaned over toward Kurt and between laughing and shaking his head asked, “Kurt!  What WAS that!!!!  How come you never showed me that video?…or actually almost all of your videos now that I think about it.”  Kurt looked at Adam like he’d lost his mind, “Adam, you’ve heard me sing, you’ve seen me perform…”  Adam started to respond, but Javi being in the middle decided he’d let them have this conversation in private, or as private as you could get in this crowd.  After Adam got up to let him out, he went looking for his assistant manager, who’d sent him a text in the middle of the applause.  Adam sat down again, “Well, yes, I’ve seen you sing and perform and you’re damn good!  But that???  That was way beyond damn good!  Why do you keep hiding yourself, Kurt?  You have more talents than any person I know and I’ve even seen that….I don’t know what to call it, that…spark you have?  You owned that stage and you owned this audience.  No, I’ve never seen THAT Kurt.”  “But I didn’t give them that video, Javi did, and honestly I’m not really sure how I feel about that.”  

“Kuuurt!”  Adam intoned, “Grateful, that’s what you should feel.  It seems like you spend half your life trying to not get noticed.  I don’t know if it’s because of what you went through in school, always being noticed for the wrong reasons, but anyone brave enough to come out in high school and in a nowhere town like Lima…man, you need to quit judging yourself by their standards.  That’s what those punks would love!  To know that they’d won!  To know that they stole your self-esteem; to know that you’re still hiding everything that makes you unique and special.  I say God bless Javi to the moon and back!  If I’d known that that video existed, I would have done the very same thing!”  Adam rarely talked to Kurt like this; he rarely talked to anybody like this.  “Okay, you’ve made your point, and I want you to know I’m taking what you’ve said seriously, but let’s continue this conversation somewhere besides in the midst of a party.”  “Yeah, okay, you’re right, Kurt.  I was just so….blown away!”

While Kurt and Adam were having their discussion, Javi found his assistant manager ordering a final drink.  He’d barely sat down when Bill grabbed his arm and asked, “Where have you been hiding that guy???”  Javi laughed and replied, “I haven’t been hiding him anywhere.  He does a fine job of hiding without help from anyone.  I’m pretty sure I gave you all of the pertinent info.  So, I guess you enjoyed it?” Javi said with a twinkle in his eye.  “Javi, the whole world should be enjoying that!  When can I get him into the studio?”  “Bill, I told you already, trying to get Kurt anywhere near a studio is going to take some time.  He has no idea of how much talent he has.  What you saw is just a small sample.  Seriously, Kurt could do anything he wants to anywhere he wants to.  Before I’d even try to get him in the studio I’d want to make sure he wants to head in that direction.  I want to help him find his destiny, Bill.”  “Oh, you artistic types,” Bill laughed, “always looking for your destinies, making sure your karma is in line with your stars and all that other…crap!  I say, you have a talent? You should use it to make a living.”  Javi laughed, too, “And that’s your job, Bill, to help we artistic types make money for you…well, and us, of course.”  Bill reached over to put his arm around Javi, and then said, “Just let me know when he’s ready to fulfill his destiny, my friend!”
Kurt and Javi stayed until almost closing and decided to forego all of the after-after parties that might go on into the next day.  When Javi had returned to their table, he slid across the booth to where Kurt was sitting.  Javi didn’t recognize the look on Kurt’s face.  It was somewhere between confused, pensive and maybe even angry.  “Kurt, are you upset with me?”  Kurt looked down at his lap, then up at Javi, “I don’t know what I am….the whole thing…” Kurt glanced up at the ceiling as if his thoughts might be written on it, “I wasn’t expecting any of that.  I guess I am upset, but not with you, not really, probably with myself more than anything,” he looked at the ceiling again, but still didn’t find any inspiration.  “Yourself, why yourself?  All you did was make a roomful of partiers happy!”  Kurt shook his head, “Just some things that Adam said that…”  “But Adam obviously loved it!  What did he say….”  “No!  It wasn’t that he didn’t like it, but he brought up some ideas….well, I’m just going to have to take the time to think about them.  Can we talk about this later, please?  It’s sorta hard to have a serious conversation in a roomful of men in costume…or lack of costume in some cases,” and there was the smile that Javi so loved.  The storm cloud was gone as the sun came out.  A few guys came over to their table to chat with Kurt and compliment him on the video.  He was polite, listening more than speaking.  He didn’t want to talk about it with them any more than he’d wanted to talk about it with Javi.  He was actually a bit relieved when they decided to call it a night and walk back to Javi’s house.  All he wanted to do was push the nattering thoughts aside and focus on his plans for the rest of the evening.  He smiled to himself as he thought, Javi isn’t the only one adept at creating surprises.  Since Kurt wasn’t exactly sure how the rest of the evening was going to play out he looked forward to maybe even surprising himself!

As Javi started to unlock the door, Kurt standing beside him, he abruptly felt Kurt grab the key from his hand.  Kurt quickly slipped the key into one of his pants pockets, and Javi found himself with his back against the door.  Kurt swiftly removed the bowtie and unbuttoned his shirt, sliding his hands across Javi’s waist, then pulled up the T-shirt underneath, eager to claim Javi’s chest and upper torso as his own.  As Kurt lengthened his reach to encompass Javi’s muscular back, over Javi’s protests about getting their clothes dirty, he rested his forehead on Javi’s as the top hat tumbled to the ground.  His eyes level with Javi’s, he employed that laser beam stare and purred against Javi’s barely parted lips, “When I was a kid my favorite part of Halloween was trick or treat, all that candy…..I’ve never lost my sweet tooth…..and since I so obviously got to be the trick tonight, that leaves only one other person to be the treat….you do want to be my treat, don’t you?  Hmmm, it would seem you might need some convincing.  That’s okay, we’ve got alllllll night.  Now, where was I?  Oh, yeah, candy….there’s an Old English word for candy that I absolutely love, sweetmeats.  Very descriptive…..like maybe “As Kurt observed Javi walking toward him, his first thought was, Mm..mm..mm…what a scrumptious morsel of sweetmeat…oh! did I just say that?  How naughty of me….But you might be interested to know that  my favorite candy is the hard rock kind, you know, the kind you have to suck on….”  Javi’s mind was going in ten different directions, but he finally managed to focus enough to recognize who he’d come to think of as his dirty Kurty….the one who liked to come out and play the dom.  Kurt’s eyes were still boring into his, just like in his video when he looked out from under those eyelashes daring you to look away.  Any thought of soiled clothing was dispelled as he attempted to take command of Kurt’s lips only to find Kurt halting his advances, whispering, “Oh, no, no, no, mi Javito, the treat doesn’t get to choose….you should know that….and besides I have to sift through that bag to decide which of my favorite candies I’m going to enjoy first…and unlike when I was a kid there are no parents here to tell me I can’t eat all of my candy tonight…so maybe if you let me unlock the door?”  After Kurt released him, Javi moved aside just long enough to allow Kurt to unlock the door.  As he turned to enter, Kurt took hold of his arm and moving close again, giving Javi a mischievous grin said in a low sultry voice, “And, mi Javito, if you’re a good boy, I might even let you have some of my candy, too…..I was taught that I should always share.”

Once they were inside, after twirling in a circle letting it fan out around him, Kurt tossed the cape onto a chair in the living room and gently but firmly, again drew Javi’s oh so willing body to his own.  “My favorite flavor is a sort of toffee with a hint of cinnamon and sometimes I like nutmeg and butter pecan…..the color, the taste, the way it melts in my mouth…I love all of it.  But first the candy has to be unwrapped,” he murmured as he began peeling off the black jacket, tossing it onto the same chair where his cape lay.  Javi had started to remove his shirt, and again, Kurt stopped him, “Oh, nooooo, mi bebe, the candy is not allowed to unwrap itself….” Javi smiled inside….ahhh, so that’s how it was going to be not minding a bit but determined to cause Kurt to stop him over and over… not enough to spoil the game and just enough to make it hotter still, wondering if “the candy” could stand the heat.  As Kurt unfastened the remaining shirt buttons, he stood back as if to examine his treat.  He allowed his eyes to crawl the length of Javi’s body, then reversing the crawl until his eyes rested on Javi’s lips.  His gaze moved to Javi’s mahogany eyes…..Oh my God….Javi was melting already, feeling a sensation of smoldering heat as the lighting changed his lover’s eyes from the blue of ice to flames…..or was he imagining it?   Kurt approached him slowly, keeping distance between their bodies as he removed his T-shirt, then moved back again to carelessly toss it onto the pile of clothing.  He shifted his gaze to Javi’s eyes again, then as if he were dancing to Le Jazz Hot!, he removed his shirt and T-shirt in an effortless bit of strip tease, propelled them to the chair and ended his dance standing just far enough away from Javi to be tantalizing, and made a bit of a curtsey.  Javi knew Kurt was waiting for him to reach for his body, thus allowing him to stop Javi again.  He resisted the urge, but if Kurt didn’t touch him again soon…..and just when he couldn’t stand it another second, like lightning seeking a place to strike, Kurt took Javi’s face into his hands, still leaving space between them, kissing his eyelids, his cheeks, and the tip of his nose while stroking his jawline, until he reached his lips.  He hesitated for just a moment and breathed against Javi’s starving lips, “There it is, mi amor, the taste of toffee….” Kurt slowly licked his own lips, “now, let me taste your cinnamon, pleeaassee….oh, please….”  Kurt took Javi’s lower lip between his teeth, nibbling it, while Javi struggled in vain to draw Kurt against him.  Kurt placed his hands on Javi’s chest, restraining him.  He barely released Javi’s lower lip while moving his tongue along the inside of Javi’s mouth, listening to his pleading sighs.  Tracing the delicate surface at the roof of his mouth, Kurt waited just long enough to feel Javi’s failed attempt to draw him close again.  The tip of his tongue found Javi’s, Kurt at last allowing Javi to return his kiss, yet allowing nothing more, their bodies still separated.  As Kurt gave in to the fire of their kiss, he allowed himself to be carried away on a wave of desire.  Sometimes he thought he could spend the rest of his life doing nothing but kissing and being kissed by this mere mortal turned demon.  With agonizing difficulty, he released Javi’s lips.  He permitted Javi to place his hands on Kurt’s shoulders as Kurt again used his lips and his tongue to trace a lazy, but determined, path along Javi’s neck, then to his chest.  He fell  to his knees, caressed the outline of the muscles along each side of Javi’s upper body, his mouth lingering as he traversed his abs.  Javi’s hands were gripping Kurt’s shoulders so tightly that he had to reach up and loosen the grip, as Javi opened his eyes.  He’d been so wrapped up in the pleasure he hadn’t even been aware that he might have been causing Kurt discomfort.  

As Kurt approached his waist, he slowly and deliberately unfastened the button of his pants, and using his teeth slid the zipper down….Javi reached for Kurt’s face, tipping it up to look into his own.  “No, mi amor, no, no further.” For a long moment Kurt contemplated his lover’s expression and finally said, “Trust me, Javito.”  Javi returned Kurt’s gaze and nodded, hoping and praying he was doing the right thing.  “I do…I will, mi amor, but if I ask you to stop again it’s because I don’t trust myself.”  Kurt nodded, allowing the pants to slide to the floor.  

He rose from his position on the floor. Again, he kissed Javi, their passion harmonizing, as together they freed Kurt from the confines of his clothing, button by button, piece by piece, until all that remained was the red and blue bikinis, Javi’s red, Kurt’s blue.  As part of Kurt’s growing lack of body consciousness, he’d decided after the shower fantasy he rather liked wearing them, and not just for the sake of fantasy.  

Although Javi hadn’t noticed, Kurt had been very deliberately moving them towards the large throw pillows laying in front of the futon that made its home under the alcove windows.  They hadn’t bothered to turn on any lights yet, so the only thing illuminating the area were the sheer-covered windows, the trees outside casting shadow and light as the wind blew. 

Kurt took Javi into his arms again, holding him close, then tenderly laying his head on Javi’s shoulder.  As he allowed his hands to wander Javi’s back, he whispered, “Making love to you…with you, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced, mi Javito.  No one has ever shown me as much about…..love, what it really means, what it should look like…or feel like.  I’m not saying this very well, I know.”  Javi took Kurt’s face into his hands, “Mi amor, how you say it is not nearly as important as how you feel it….here,” he touched Kurt’s heart, “and how you show it. Now, show me….Kurt, please show me….” and with that, they slid to the floor together, Javi waiting for Kurt’s next move.  Kurt had not meant to take this more serious turn, but as he lay beside Javi, their heads resting on the throw pillows, he recovered his playful demeanor and positioned himself between Javi’s propped legs, looking down at Javi’s body like it might be Kurt’s next meal.  At a very slow pace, he used his hands to spread Javi’s knees as wide as he thought was comfortable.  Javi sighed, enjoying the added feeling of exposure.  At Kurt’s request, Javi closed his eyes.  

Before they’d left for the party, while Javi had been on a conference call with some of his business associates, Kurt had strategically placed several small vials of scented oil on the low tables surrounding the futon.  Each was scented with one of the four flavors he had described, cinnamon, toffee, butter pecan and nutmeg.  He had used various colored vials so he could tell the difference, even in the almost nonexistent lighting.  As he looked at Javi, lying beneath him with eyes closed, legs splayed, arms relaxed, he looked so deliciously helpless, so unsuspecting.  As he reached for the vial containing the cinnamon scented oil, he applied some to a few fingertips on each hand and beginning at Javi’s knees, he used each index finger to stroll along each inner thigh, then used one finger to apply a little oil from the top of the red bikinis to just below his navel, using another finger to dawdle inside the sensitive cleft, loving the feeling of Javi squirming beneath him.  When he heard Javi’s moan, he stopped, and returned to his position between his legs and softly said, “Oh, no, I think there may still be a little cinnamon candy I missed; let me just finish that up…it won’t take very long, I promise.”  Then, anchoring a hand on one of Javi’s knees, he ran his tongue along the trail of cinnamon oil on the opposite leg, stopping just short of reaching the bottom of the red bikini underwear, then doing the same to the opposite leg.  Javi was pressing his hands into the floor, trying not to allow his hips to move, with little success.  And just as Kurt reached the end of his trek up Javi’s inner thigh, he swiftly moved to Javi’s navel, this time placing his hands over Javi’s, leaving his pelvis free.  “Yes, I do believe I’ve discovered some especially sweetmeats, right here…..” He began slowly and softly, savoring every sound emanating from Javi’s lips, and then used his tongue to dive ever deeper until Javi’s hips were undulating, unable to control the desire coursing through his body.  Javi wanted to touch Kurt so badly, somewhere, anywhere!  But Kurt’s hands held his own firmly in place, denying him even a single touch.  “Kurt….my Kurtito….Dios mio!  You’re driving me….no, no…please no more….,’ he begged, and as Kurt again used the tip of his tongue, driving it ever deeper, he felt Javi’s hips rise, as he affirmed the attack, “yes, Kurt, please, please yes, oh God….si, si, si….”  When he felt Javi’s hips rise again, his mind responding to Javi’s pleading, he released his grip on Javi’s hands and moved them to his upper arms, drawing his lower body up so that his erection hovered just inches above Javi’s belly, slowly lowering himself until he could rhythmically massage his bikini-clad cock up and down on Javi’s belly.  As he continued his slow, steady dance along Javi’s belly, he leaned down and took one of Javi’s earlobes between his teeth, released it and purred, “Oh, my Javi, I forgot.  When I was a kid, I loved to find Extra Large Rock Candy Sticks in my Halloween candy.  They came in every flavor imaginable, including butter pecan.  And guess what?  I think I found some….”  Kurt paused his self-massage and sat back on Javi’s belly, letting go of Javi’s arms.  Turning his body around, he reached for the vial of butter pecan scented oil.  Again, applying some to the tips of all of his fingers, he commenced lightly kneading the area that lay between where he was perched over Javi’s pelvis and the band of his barely there briefs.  As he steadily moved his fingers downward, Javi struggled to place his hands on Kurt’s waist, but Kurt paid no attention.  Kurt continued his dance along Javi’s belly, coming just close enough to move a finger below the very top of the waistband, then flitting away.  The next time Kurt slid a finger below Javi’s bikinis, Javi having ceased his attempts to latch onto Kurt and giving in to the sheer pleasure of the experience, he managed to whisper in a plea, “No, Kurtito, no, no, please, you have to stop……”  Kurt again moved one finger beneath the waistband and asked, “You mean this?  You want me to stop…..this?”   Javi squirmed beneath him only increasing Kurt’s own desire and in yet another convoluted mixed message Javi replied, “Yes…..yes…..stop, stop, stop….please, please, please….yes…stop…”  Kurt finally complied, but couldn’t resist sighing, “But, bebe, I was soooo looking forward to that sweet butter pecan candy stick, I could suck on those all day long….I love the way they just sort of melt in my mouth…ah, well…I’m sure there’s still plenty of sweetmeats to be found…”  

He resumed his position on Javi’s belly facing forward, beginning the rhythmic dance of sliding up and down all over again, while pinning Javi’s upper arms once again.  The large throw pillow beneath Javi’s head elevated it just enough, enabling Kurt to caress his face with his lips, whispering, “I guess I’ll just have to move on to the nutmeg flavor….here and here…and here….and, oh, over here…” finally arriving at Javi’s lips, “I love your skin, mi Javito, your beautiful nutmeg-colored skin, so soft and smooth….and your lips, a taste of your nutmeg, please, mi amor…” and Kurt lowered his lips, kissing Javi slowly and lovingly, while trying to maintain the rhythmic movement of his lower body.  Trapped beneath Kurt’s body, unable to move his upper arms, Javi surrendered to all of his yearning, all of his hunger and ache for his beloved Kurtito.  Kurt released Javi’s arms as he interrupted the kiss, and felt Javi’s hand instinctively slide underneath the bikini waistband, but Kurt stopped him just long enough to say, “Give me your hand, just for a second,” pouring a bit of oil into Javi’s palm.  As Javi settled into his own rhythm, Kurt followed suit, then resumed his own steady pace, using the oil to slide his hand over his hard-on on one side while maintaining contact with Javi’s body beneath him.  Kurt could never have imagined how unbelievably erotic this would be, Javi moving beneath him, Kurt sitting atop Javi.  The sensation, the movement, Javi’s body quivering and heaving against his aching cock, his balls, listening to Javi’s moaning, whispering Kurt’s name, describing how much he wanted him, what he would love to do to him….and then Kurt’s own barely coherent murmurs as he lost all sense of anything but the moment.  He tried to hold off, but he just couldn’t.  As he came, he slid to Javi’s chest, his eyes closed, waiting for his breathing to return to something resembling normal.  Finally, he rolled off of Javi’s chest, reached for some tissues, and cleaned himself off, then lay down next to Javi, propped on one elbow.  As he watched and listened to his lover in the throes of his still unspent passion, he finally had to close his eyes.  He could feel himself getting hard again.  Would he ever grow tired of this man’s sensuality?  Would it ever become routine?  

He felt Javi reach for his hand and Kurt let him, thinking he just wanted to touch Kurt.  It was obvious he was almost ready for his own climax.  But instead when he took Kurt’s hand he guided it to cover his own, just as he had once done with Kurt.  “Kurt….oh my beautiful Kurtito, together….I want to do this together…”  Javi moved his other hand to rest on top of Kurt’s….”now….now….oh, yes, now….” and arching his back, he tightened his grip on Kurt’s hand, his body shuddering as he came, “oh, my God!  Kurt…..kiss me….besame, besame….I want you soooo very much….please….” Kurt didn’t have to be asked twice.  He turned Javi toward him on the floor, wrapped his arms around him and kissed him softly and slowly.  Javi was literally clinging to Kurt, needing to slow his breathing, but not wanting to stop the kiss.  Javi slowly let go of Kurt and his lips, breathing against Kurt’s chest.  They laid there for the longest time, surrounded by the scents from the oil, the scent of sex, the scent of each other.  Neither had any desire to leave the pleasure and comfort of each other’s arms, their bodies entwined, not caring that the room was a mess, they were a mess.  This time next week Javi would be in Mexico and moments like this would be memories for at least two weeks.  They fell asleep lulled by their murmuring voices and the warmth of their entangled bodies.

Kurt awoke to Javi peppering his face with butterfly kisses.  They were still in the living room, lying on the floor, essentially naked except for their underwear.  The vials of oil were scattered around the throw pillows.  Kurt wrapped his arms around Javi’s neck, enjoying the fluttery kisses.  Javi moved to his ears, expressing in whispers what he loved about Kurt and all the ways he wanted to show him just how much he wanted him.  Oh, my God!  What a perfect way to be awakened!  

Javi slowly rolled onto his back, taking Kurt with him so that Kurt was laying on top of him.  Javi reached for Kurt’s face, parting his lips, using his tongue to create the passion from just a few hours ago all over again.  Finally, Kurt had to come up for air and when he did, he barely got out, “Javi, what…” when suddenly he found he was no longer on top of Javi, but beneath him!  “Stop….we have to stop, Javi…” He could feel how aroused they both were, and this position was far too tempting.  It made him want to get rid of the bits of clothing that separated them, leaving them stripped bare and helpless to their own vulnerability.  Between kisses, Javi whispered, “No, bebe, no, just let me love you, please….just follow my lead, mi amor…..”  and with some misgivings, Kurt surrendered to Javi’s guidance.

Javi again tackled Kurt’s lips, maintaining the kiss while exploring Kurt’s body with his fingers, Kurt doing the same to Javi.  How quickly the flame had become a fire once more!  As Javi finally released Kurt from his hungry mouth, he instructed Kurt to change his position so that Javi was resting with his head lying on Kurt’s thigh and Kurt was lying in the same position, head resting on Javi’s thigh.  Oh my God! Kurt thought, what did Javi have in mind?  Follow his lead?  Where was this going?  And by now he wasn’t in any frame of mind to stop him, so turned on he could barely think!  

Although Kurt was unaware at this point, Javi was planning to take his lead from Kurt. He found one of the vials of oil.  “Follow me into Wonderland, mi amor….”  As Javi uncapped the vial releasing the scent of cinnamon, he did exactly what Kurt had done earlier, tracing his fingers up and down Kurt’s inner thighs, then began a slow massage as Kurt laid back, his legs falling open, allowing Javi to taste his pleasure with his tongue.  As Javi reluctantly finished his attentions, he handed the vial to Kurt.  He didn’t need any coaxing.  If anything, he wanted Javi more than he had a few hours ago!  When Kurt was almost done, lingering in places he knew were the most sensitive, Javi sighed, barely able to contain his craving for more of Kurt.  Javi accepted the oil once more and put a few drops on his fingers, then invited Kurt to do the same.  Javi applied the drops of oil, watching some of it spill down Kurt’s finger and onto his hand, the image somehow increasing his desire.  Facing each other, their eyes level with each other’s concave bellies, Javi didn’t have to tell Kurt what to do.  They each tentatively touched the other’s navel using the oil to kindle the fire that this form of intimacy evoked in them.  As Javi increased and decreased the pressure and the position of one of his fingers, Kurt did the same, until they could hardly contain themselves, wanting and needing more.  Javi whispered, “Now, Kurt….now…my hips…” and grasping each other’s hips, they immersed the tips of their tongues deeply and hungrily, driving each other to distraction with their desire, their moans, their longings…..”Kurt…” Javi panted as he slid an oily hand under the red bikinis and over his rock-hard cock for a second time, “now, Kurt……you want it now!….. you know you do….” Yes he did! and again Kurt needed no encouragement.  His breathing just as ragged as Javi’s, he took hold of his own rigid hard-on.  Lost in their lust for a second time, it didn’t take long before they were again lying on the floor trying to catch their breath.  

Javi broke the silence with a decidedly unromantic request for some Kleenex.  Kurt started laughing and couldn’t stop, rolling on the floor in his underwear, and it wasn’t long before Javi was laughing uncontrollably as well.  “Oh, mi Kurtito,” Javi managed between trying to breathe and laughing, “How will I live for two weeks without you?”  Trying to keep the mood light, Kurt said, “We won’t be completely without each other, Javi.  We’ll Skype, we’ll text, we’ll talk and we’ll both be busy.  But let’s talk about that later.  We still have the rest of the weekend and look what you let me do to your house!  It’s a total wreck!  And who knows what our costumes look like.  What kind of responsible adult allows a mere child such as myself to do all of this, what a mess!”  Javi wrestled Kurt to the floor, giving him a stern look, “You’re absolutely right!  I do believe a spanking is in order!  And as Javi tried to turn Kurt onto his stomach, Kurt fought him off, looking up with a mischievous grin and said, “Oh, let’s save that for later….please???”  Then, Kurt hopped up and raced Javi to the showers.

CHAPTER 44 – SHOW AND TELL

Kurt was so thankful for the deep and relatively dreamless sleep.  He hadn’t realized how exhausted he really was.  No wonder, really.  It had been a weekend of emotional highs and lows.  He tried to focus on the highs while allowing his mind to prepare itself for calling Blaine.  There was a three hour time difference and it was 9 a.m. in San Diego.  He decided the best way to enter this day was slowly, trying to keep himself calm and opening himself up to whatever the day may hold.  Some yoga seemed like a good idea.  His body would welcome the stretching and his mind and heart would welcome the peace.  He raised some of the blinds to let some sunshine in.  Much as he loved the depth of darkness they provided at night, he needed the light right now, his whole body craving the illumination that the sun would bring.  

As he effortlessly cycled through his routine, breathing slowly, appreciating the awareness yoga brought to his whole being, he focused his mind on one of his favorite vistas.  Although not a typical San Diego view that most would choose, sunset beaches, tides rolling in and out, he chose it more often than not because it reminded him of the recent awakening in his life, the gift from whomever of Javi.  In his mind’s eye, he found them sitting beneath the tree in the park that they had claimed as “theirs.”  They had returned to the park and that tree many times since they’d met and had had some of their deepest conversations there.  Kurt had not stopped thinking about what or in whom he believed, at first mostly because he knew faith was important to Javi.  Not in the sense that he wanted Kurt to believe what he did, but in the sense that anything that was important to Javi was equally important to Kurt.  And he knew Javi’s faith was not just about what he believed but who he was, it permeated every area of his life.  He’d often observed Javi in videos bow his head before or after a performance and he’d asked him why.  Kurt wasn’t shy about asking questions.  No one learned anything by always keeping silent.  Javi had stared off into the distance for a few moments, then said, “It’s a combination of things really.  What I do in front of an audience is just as sacred as going to church is for some people.  I was created to entertain, to hopefully make the world a better place if only for the space of a single song.  I guess it’s sort of a prayer combined with touching the source of my inspiration, if that makes sense.  God is found everywhere, not just in buildings and choirs and holidays, Kurtito, or so I believe.”  And ever since, when he meditated, he found himself underneath that tree with his Javi.  If what Javi said was true, that tree, their lives together, anything and everything was sacred in some way.  Of course, the discussion had inevitably turned to what about the evil, the pain, the suffering in the world.  What was sacred about that, if anything?  “That’s an excellent question….and I’ve asked it my whole life.  All I can tell you is that I don’t believe God or whomever created any of those things.  He created people and gave them freedom of choice.  I don’t know why evil and pain were some of the choices.  I don’t know where evil comes from.  I probably have more questions than answers most of the time.  But when I look around at all the sacred spaces that exist, when I talk to God, and when He sometimes answers in any number of ways I know one thing – God is love.  I know it in my head and I feel it in my heart.  I hope that helps.”  

Kurt didn’t know it, but Javi had been praying for him almost from the moment they met.  It didn’t take him long to visualize Kurt as an answer to his own prayers.  He didn’t tell Kurt he’d been praying for him…not yet anyway.  It wasn’t praying in the way most people thought of as praying.  It was directing a thought to wherever God lived, here or there when Kurt came to mind.  It was asking questions about how to create a comfortable place to “be” for Kurt and him.  It was about seeking what might be best for his lover, not what Javio thought was best, but what God thought was best.  He never wanted to force his beliefs on anyone and especially not Kurt.

As Kurt brought his mind back to the room around him, he sighed.  He felt a sense of quiet inside, of “rightness” to whatever the day might bring, especially in his conversation with Blaine.  He took a shower, relishing the feel of the water, the scent of the body wash, his whole body.  More and more, he was moving toward liking his own body, rather than being so conscious of whatever flaws he perceived.  When he was done and toweling off, he looked at himself in the mirror.  This was what Javi saw when he looked at Kurt.  Javi loved Kurt’s body and for the first time he almost saw himself as Javi saw him.  And maybe for the first time he actually kind of believed it when Javi described him as beautiful, sensual, masculine….maybe even hot?  He laughed at himself, picked out a pair of blue sweat pants and left the room in search Javi.  Almost every Sunday morning, he could find Chef Javi in the kitchen creating a large protein-packed, carb-saturated breakfast.  Javi felt very strongly about taking care of his body, but he also believed that examining every bite of food you might put in your mouth was a waste of time and energy.  He tried to eat what he considered the right foods all week.  Sunday, if at all possible, was created purely for pleasure in his mind.  

As Kurt walked into the kitchen, Javi turned to smile at him and said, “I hope you like French toast, mi amor, and eggs and sausage of course.  Sunday isn’t complete without eggs and sausage!”  Taking one look at Javi, as delicious as breakfast smelled, the first thing he noticed was not what was on the menu.  There was Javi wearing a pair of barely there shorts, the waistline left loose and resting right on Javi’s hip bones, revealing his muscular torso and that tattoo of what might have been an eagle or a phoenix spanning his pelvis; Kurt really didn’t care what kind of bird it was, all he knew is whenever Javi dressed showing it off to advantage, it took his breath away.  He also had a tattoo running from just below his ear to his elbow with the word  Destiny written in cursive.  

Javi gave him a mischievous look, raised an eyebrow and asked, “See something you like, mi chico travieso?”  “And just who is calling whom a naughty boy??  I’m not the one cooking in the nude, now am I?”  “Well, if you’d like to help, I can always use some assistance, but of course, you must remove those sweats first.  We can’t have only one of us cooking in the nude!  And I have enough clothing on for any Californian!” he laughed as he crossed the kitchen, planting Kurt’s hands on each of his hip bones, teasing him with his lips as Kurt pulled Javi towards him, taking those devilish lips prisoner with his own.  Sometimes Kurt got so lost in everything that was Javi….

“Ah! But we can’t let breakfast get cold!” Javi said as he ended the kiss, “And I can tell you are veerrryyy hungry, mi Kurtito!”  Javi had a method to his madness, not that he felt he needed one.  He was hoping to make what Kurt had to do today easier.  He knew he could at least try to take his mind off of what lay ahead, if only for a little while.  If he had known what Kurt was doing earlier, he would have been very pleased.  He would have said Kurt was trying to commune with whatever he might believe in; he was seeking help in his own way to deal with the difficult tasks life could present.  

Kurt ignored the blatant attempt at humor.  Javi knew exactly what he was doing and Kurt was pretty sure he knew why and was thankful for it.  There were not enough words to describe to Javi how much Kurt adored him.  Being with this man was like someone wrapping him in all that was good and beautiful…and if Kurt could read Javi’s heart and mind, he would know that the feelings were more than mutual.  

By the time they were done with breakfast and clean up, it was close to 11:30.  Their breakfast conversation must have covered every topic but what lay ahead.  Kurt was as ready as he’d ever be, and again, Javi was taking his cues from Kurt.  As Javi headed for the media room, Kurt caught him by the arm and said, “Do you mind if we do this in my bedroom? I want to be as comfortable as possible and lying down on that silk comforter, well, I guess it’s called a comforter for a reason.”  Javi gave him a half-smile and nodded, as Kurt took his hand.  

Kurt laid down just as if he were going to go to sleep, his head on his pillow, his legs stretched out long.  He’d already programmed Blaine’s number into his phone so he wouldn’t have to search around for it and maybe give himself an opportunity to put it off.  As Javi lay next to him on his side just watching Kurt, Kurt took his hand again, and Javi closed his eyes.  Even though Kurt wanted him here, he felt he needed some form of privacy.    

The phone rang a couple of times, and then Kurt heard Blaine’s voice, “Hello?”  Kurt closed his own eyes, then opened them and said, “Hi, it’s Kurt.”  There was a moment of silence, “Kurt! I knew it had to be you or Adam, I don’t know anyone else in San Diego.  How are you?”  Blaine actually seemed pleased to hear Kurt’s voice.  Kurt swallowed hard, “I’m fine!  How are you?”  He was half afraid to actually say his name, so he took a deep breath and waited.  “I’m doing great, Kurt!  It’s good to hear from you!”  Really? What was good about hearing from an ex-boyfriend that wouldn’t speak to you for two years?  “Yeah, um, I was just calling to see if you have any plans for the holidays…I mean are you going to be in Lima?”  “Yeah, yeah!  I am.  Actually I plan on being there for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We’re having kind of a family reunion over Christmas, so everyone’s trying to be there.  You know how little that ever happens in my family.”  “Yeah, well, that sounds great.  I was hoping maybe we could get together….to talk.”  Blaine was silent, then he cleared his throat and said, “Sure, Kurt, I’d love to!  When?”  Why did he sound so…cheerful?  Like this was just two old buddies wanting to catch up?  “Why don’t you text me when you’re planning on being in town and we can make plans from there.  Either Thanksgiving or Christmas is fine with me.”  Fine?  Nothing was “fine” about any of this!  “That sounds really good.  The Lima Bean?  You haven’t changed your coffee order, have you?”  Blaine said and sort of laughed.  Oh, my god!!!!  He was laying here trying not to cry and Blaine was acting so…what, what was he acting?  “That sounds okay.  Just text me and we’ll make plans from there, okay?”  “Sure, Kurt!  I’ll be in touch.  Good to hear from you!”  Kurt managed to get out, “Um, yeah, bye.”  “Bye, Kurt.” He hadn’t been able to say Blaine’s name once during the whole conversation.

He disconnected and stared at the ceiling, tears silently sliding down the sides of his face onto the pillow, and without a word, Javi reached for him, whispering, “Abrazame, mi maravilloso hombre mágico, solo abrazame (hold me, my magical wonderful man, just hold me).” And as Kurt clung to him, he cried silently with him, although he hadn’t intended to.  He wanted to be the strong macho Latinx, protecting Kurt, but in truth, he knew that Kurt didn’t care if Javi was crying or not, all he needed was someone to hold him, a safe space to release everything he was feeling.  As Kurt’s breathing slowly came back to normal, Javi reached behind him for the box of Kleenex on the nightstand. Little by little Kurt freed Javi from his tight grip, grabbed a few Kleenex and tried to get himself under control, while Javi did the same.

Once Kurt was sure he could put two words together, he glanced at Javi and said, “Aren’t we a pair?  I guess you’re living proof that Mexican men do cry….maybe just not when they’re in Mexico?”  And Javi smiled, “It would appear so, mi amor.”  And for a while they simply laid there, foreheads together, just holding each other’s arms and playing with each other’s hair.  “Do you want to talk about it, Kurt?”  “Not now, maybe later; I know I probably need to and I wanted you here for a reason, ya know.”  Javi nodded.  Then Javi had to laugh as Kurt said something so typically Kurt! “Oh! I hope I didn’t ruin these beautiful sheets crying all over them!  They’re silk!”  “Dios mi!  Really, Kurt?  You’re kidding!  Yes, you’re going to be just fine, mi amor!”

And without any warning, Kurt pushed Javi onto his back and kissed him exactly like Kurt loved for Javi to kiss him, relentlessly, mercilessly, pouring what was left of all those pent-up emotions into a kiss that left Javi almost gasping for air, and before he could recover, Kurt imprisoned those sinewy shoulders, straddled his belly and gave him a wicked grin, “You promised we could play, remember?  I believe you said something like after I had set my course?  Well, my course has been set.  So….”  “But what about your dad?”  “What?? Oh, my dad is a lot of fun, but I don’t really think our idea of play is really his thing, bebe.”  Javi shook his head, “No!  Aren’t you going to call him?”  “Later….much, much later, Javito….now, I do believe you mentioned something about touching….maybe like the Latinx version of Show and Tell?  Like I show you what I think you might like and then you tell me if you do….do I have the rules of the game right?  Or are the rules are that there are no rules?  Do I get to go first?  It’s only fair, it was your turn last time.”  Kurt pretended to pout and all Javi could do was laugh at him.  He knew this was good for Kurt.  He needed to play right now, but apparently he wasn’t really in the mood for cards or Monopoly.

“Okay, mi Kurtito, you may start the game.  The only rule is that you must ask if I like something and if I say no, you stop.  If I say, how about like this instead, you try.  If I say, “Oh, my God!  Si, si, si, oh please, no, no, no…, you listen to the si first, if I really do mean no, I’ll tell you.  Now, I’m going to make a suggestion and you may follow it or no, but I suggest you either start at the very top and work your way down or you start at the very bottom and work your way up.  And this may sound like your mother talking, but you should always be sure that the other person has showered beforehand, unless you’re both in the mood for hot and sweaty…which can be a lot of fun actually…but I digress.  It’s a matter of courtesy.”

Oh, and before you start, yes, I love the way you pinned my shoulders, just the right amount of pressure.  And I like it when you sit on my belly like you’re doing right now.  Between that and my shoulders I feel sufficiently helpless, or at least I’ll let you believe that for now.  And that kiss? Perfecto!  Let me show you…” and just as swiftly, he flipped Kurt onto his back, took the exact same position and kissed Kurt with every ounce of desire that was working its way through his body, pouring it into Kurt, then releasing him from the kiss, and as Kurt squirmed beneath him, he whispered against Kurt’s mouth, “Are you sure you want to be “it,” mi Kurtito, or would you like me to keep on with what I’m doing…answer quickly I won’t wait much longer….”  Kurt was gasping now, “Javi, Javi….let me up….”  “Oh, are you sure, you must be very sure..” and as Javi held his shoulders, he began nibbling Kurt’s ears, then tickling his neck with the curls Kurt loved so much….”Javi..stop…. please… please…oh, my god! that feels so good….stop….” and just as quickly as it started, Javi stopped, sat up on Kurt’s belly and said, “Okay, you start, I’m all yours…” and he laid down on the bed, his arms behind his head, with closed eyes.  It took Kurt a minute to recover, but when he did, he turned to Javi and studied his body like there was going to be a test…what had just happened?  Damn!  It had been delicious!  He could have stayed right where he was….

He continued to study Javi’s stunningly exquisite body.  Everything about him was an invitation, a temptation, laying there so relaxed, concealing nothing….well, almost nothing, but those shorts weren’t exactly concealing anything.  He decided to start at the bottom.  This was pretty much uncharted territory and he relished the challenge.  Kurt crept to the foot of the bed and began by running the tip of his tongue from the heel to the toes of Javi’s right foot, then using the tip of his finger he did the same to his left foot.  Javi sighed and barely whispered, “Yes….”  Kurt repeated the motions with his tongue and then his finger, ever so lightly, then increasing the pressure, asking, “Both?”  “Mmmm…um-hm….”  Then moving his tongue to just beneath his toes again on his right foot, he slid his tongue back and forth slowly, then took each toe, one at a time into his mouth, sucking on it, starting lightly, then increasing the pressure until Javi moaned, “Oh, my God, Kurt, yes, si, yes….”  He continued the leisurely journey up Javi’s body, touching, tasting, stopping, starting…and waiting for his lover’s erotic responses…whether yes, no or maybe, just hearing and observing Javi’s body language speak in so many ways was hot….very hot!  Arriving at his inner thighs, he remembered so well how helpless he’d felt when Javi touched this expanse of his own body…even if Javi hadn’t had his hips effectively trapped at the time, he had almost lost all control from just a touch, so he was careful.  Those shorts had no hem on them; they were tight to Javi’s body and left nothing to the imagination.  It took every bit of restraint that Kurt could muster to not lay his hand over Javi’s obvious hard-on.  He quickly looked away, opened his hands and moving from one leg to another, he slid his palm lightly over the soft skin, enjoying the caramel-colored skin, trying to maintain a safe distance from that one forbidden area….at least for now. He was discovering it wasn’t necessarily where you were touching, but how you were touching, and there was such a variety of wonderful ways.   He leaned down and began lightly kissing one leg while sliding his palm and then his fingers along the other.  He felt Javi press his pelvis flat against the bed, as if trying to maintain control, “Oh, Kurt, yes, your lips, yes…..I want you so much…..so, so, so, so….stop, stop….you have to stop…..” and Kurt did, raising himself off the bed and moving to Javi’s belly; how he loved this zone.  He was already aware of how vulnerable it was to any of his ministrations, and even though he wanted to taste it and take control of it, he stopped and asked, “Javi? Si or no?”   “Yes….oh, yes…si..” and he almost had to force the next words out, “but you have to stop when I tell you…”  Kurt lowered his lips, but then decided to start by using his hair.  He brushed his hair across Javi’s belly, savoring every “si and yes,” then on his hands and knees, kneeling above Javi, he pressed his hands to his hips and began exploring his belly, increasing and decreasing the pressure until he arrived at his navel, and repeated what Javi had done to him….and like an explosion, Javi was begging Kurt to continue and then stop, but when Kurt stopped, he would plead with him to start again….oh, my God, my God, my God!  Kurt was so turned on that when Javi finally said, “no, no, stop, mi Kurtito, you have to stop,…,” it took everything Kurt had to do so…not for Javi, but for himself!  Kurt arose from the position he’d been in, hovering over Javi’s body, and reached for the scented oil on the nightstand.  Applying a drop to each index fingertip, he approached Javi’s nipples, lightly grasping one between his teeth and just as lightly touching the other with one of his fingertips, barely teasing them until they were rigid, Javi sighing and moaning, unable to stay still, reaching for Kurt’s dense thatch of hair, “Now, Kurt, now!  harder…” and using his mouth on one and his finger on the other, he amplified his efforts, bearing down and assailing each with his tongue, his lips and his finger until Javi was writhing on the red silk, mumbling incoherent words and phrases.  Kurt continued, drawing out the delicious agony, sitting back on Javi’s belly….and Kurt felt his lover wriggling beneath him, as he used the finger that still had oil on it to indulge himself….he was barely maintaining any sense of restraint, but….as he sat atop Javi, he used his finger to unscrupulously pleasure Javi and himself, manipulating his navel as Javi had done to him with his tongue, moving his finger barely underneath the ridge of skin at the top, waiting, watching, feeling Javi body rising and falling as Javi expressed his longing for Kurt to continue and then imploring him to stop…..

Javi knew he was reaching the point of no return…. Kurt pinning his body underneath his own…controlling his every emotion, making him beg for his touch…..”Oh, mi Kurtito…..please…..I want all of you….I…..nooooo….noooo.. .oh, Dios mi, stop!….We have to…..stop…..”  Javi reached for Kurt and pulled him down on top of him….feeling Kurt’s erection….Kurt feeling Javi’s…

He suddenly realized, he had only his shorts on and Kurt had only his sweats…he turned to lay on his side as Kurt toppled to the bed facing him…..between his breathlessness, Javi said, “Kurt….under the covers….we….need to get….under the covers…,” and that’s when Kurt understood why.  They quickly kicked the comforter down, then drew it up again over their hungry bodies.  Kurt, in a second of clarity, reached for the scented oil again.  “Javi….”  Javi took the lead, whispering, “Mi amor, take off your sweats…”  “But….,”‘ Kurt started to say.  Javi shushed him and as Kurt rather awkwardly removed his sweats, Javi removed his shorts.  

Javi drew Kurt’s face to his own with his free hand, “A little oil…. please,” Kurt complied, not at all sure where this was going.  “Now, you.”  Again, Kurt spilled a bit of oil into his own hand.  “Mi amor….for me, just for me….touch yourself…..just thinking about how turned on you are….how ready you are…..now….please….that oil slippery on your beautiful cock…yes…” and as Javi continued to beg Kurt to touch himself, he reached for his own hard-on whispering….”ah….I did not plan this….but lying here together….completely naked…I want you, Kurt..you have no idea what you do to me…” “And I want you, mi Javi….please, let me touch you…I need you…now…right now….,”  As Javi held Kurt’s face, kissing him with so much passion while sharing this moment, both of them moaning, steadily pulsating hands bringing them to climax, Javi with ragged breathing whispered against Kurt’s lips, “Someday…mi amor….you will be inside of me…and I will be inside of you….oh, how I want to feel your cock so hard inside of me…” and with that, Javi came, panting, “Si, si, si….oh Kurt….I’m coming….”  Kurt was oblivious to everything except Javi’s mouth on his…..broken only by their murmurings of desire and lust…the thought of them together, completely exposed, hearing Javi describing what he wanted…what he needed…and unable to rein in his own longing, his body took over and liberated him, coming so hard and so fast, he lay there totally out of breath, his body limp and satisfied.

Neither said anything until Javi reached for Kurt’s hand bridging the expanse of the bed between them.  “Kurt,….that was…..incredible…..so deliciously on the edge.”  Kurt, with his eyes still closed, holding tightly to Javi’s hand, let out a deep breath, and releasing his grip, let his entire body go limp again.  As they lay side by side maintaining the space between them, Javi was suddenly overcome with emotion.   It had been such a long time since he had felt anything close to what he felt for Kurt.  More and more he had to suppress the urge to tell Kurt he loved him, with every breath in his body, he loved him.  But it was not yet time….he was frustrated with the waiting, but the waiting was necessary.  He remembered the same frustration between him and Tonio. Although, Tonio had been the outwardly passionate, intense one, in the beginning he had been the voice of reason, the one who somehow managed to keep them on track when their desire was in danger of becoming uncontrollable.  So often he had questioned why…why were they doing this?  Until the day they’d united as one, colliding like thunder and lightning, joining forces to create the perfect storm.  That’s what he wanted for him and Kurt, a blending of diversity and commonality to form an unbreakable bond.    

He glanced over at Kurt, his Kurtito, with the dark ginger hair, all in a mess, his swollen lips from all of the passion in their kisses, and those kaleidoscope eyes lasering back at him, expressing everything that Javi was feeling, “Javi, my Javito….I…..,” Kurt gently traced a finger along Javi’s face, “we don’t need words to say what’s inside…”  Javi smiled lazily and nodded.  

After carefully dressing again and then undressing to take showers, they decided to meet in the living room for a change.  Javi had prepared a platter of fruit, crackers, cheese and nuts to snack on, along with the ever present pitcher of water.  As they sunk into the couch cushions, Kurt grabbed a handful of nuts and some fruit while Javi chose some music….sharing a love of music, almost any music, was one of the things they loved most about each other.  

Kurt was feeling so relaxed, so content.  They playfully tried to feed each other pieces of fruit, enjoying their own sense of silliness, ending up in a mini food fight until their hands and faces were all sticky with juice.  “Javi, Javi, stop!” Kurt laughed as he kissed his sticky face, pushing his hair out of his eyes so he could look him in the eye.  “Thank you, mi amor, for being there for me today, in every way.” Javi waited; if Kurt needed to talk he would be here to listen.  As Javi became quiet, Kurt reached for his arm and laced it around his neck, lightly holding his hand, and Javi leaned back into the couch.

“That conversation with Blaine, it was….weird.  I can’t think of another way to describe it.  I couldn’t even call him by name and he acted….well, it felt like he was talking to an old friend that he hadn’t seen for two years.  He actually sounded glad to hear from me…like we’d simply lost touch, not like….like…it had ended the way it did.  He even asked me if I’d changed my coffee order when a meeting at the Lima Bean was suggested.” Javi had heard the tale about their coffee orders, and silently he agreed that it was….weird.  “I really don’t know what to make of it!”  As for Javi, he was pretty sure what to make of it; the dream about the arguing Tonio and Blaine was possibly starting to make some sense if his suspicions were accurate.  “Kurt, are he and….is it… Barry?”  Kurt nodded.  “Are they still together?”  “Heck, I don’t know.  If they aren’t Adam never mentioned it to me, but then he and Barry aren’t exactly close personal friends, and I told Adam I was going to try to meet with Blaine.  I’m pretty sure he would have revealed something as significant as that if he knew.”  Javi decided to keep his thoughts to himself.  He didn’t want to create a scenario in Kurt’s head, especially when he had no idea if he was right.  On the other hand, he didn’t want Kurt to walk into a situation totally unprepared.  For now, he’d keep the idea that Blaine and Barry were no longer together to himself and that perhaps Blaine was thinking of a possible Kurt and Blaine reunion.  Kurt was by no means stupid, he’d put  two and two together soon enough.  And maybe Kurt was making more of the conversation than was necessary.  It had been horribly painful for Kurt.  It was easy to read more into words and situations when your feelings were so close to the surface.  When Kurt was all talked out, he waited for Javi’s input, but Javi remained silent.  Unless Kurt asked, now was not the time for his input.  

“And, thank you for crying with me….I don’t think I’ve ever thanked anyone for crying….and for teaching me to make love in ways I’ve never dreamed of….I have never, ever felt as loved and wanted and needed as you make me feel….never,” he said emphatically as if trying to tell Javi that Blaine was not in his heart anymore and never would be.  Ah, his perceptive Kurtito.  “Bebe, you are not the only one who is learning, don’t assume I wrote the book,” he laughed, “You know far, far more than you realize,” and with that he pushed Kurt flat on the couch, holding him down and impishly licking his sticky face as Kurt giggled, trying to push him away.  “Stop, Javi, stop, stop it!”  Javi quit for just long enough to say, “Oh, that’s what you always say, but you never really mean it,” and then he captured Kurt’s mouth, loving the feel of his still swollen lips.

CHAPTER 43 – ALL TIED UP AND NOWHERE TO GO

Kurt was stretched out on a lounge chair on the screened-in porch, a cup of coffee beside him.  He was awake before Javi which was unusual.  He’d fallen into a very sound sleep after Javi had returned to his own bedroom, but had been awakened by that damn dream; Antonio and Blaine arguing.  It was ridiculous, considering the circumstances.  Blaine and Antonio would never meet, not in this life anyway.  He knew he wasn’t going to be able to let it go and fall back asleep, so he’d gotten up, taken a shower, threw on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and here he was.  Listening to the birds, enjoying the feel of shorts in late October.  The shower had helped dispel the cobwebs of the dream and his mind had turned to last night…well, earlier this morning.

He was still marveling over the fantasy world Javi had created.  A world Kurt had never visited but certainly wanted to return to in the future….he’d go back there right now if he could!  That had to be the hottest sex without actually having sex in the “traditional,” sense he’d ever experienced, was that really the word to describe it?  He doubted sex would ever be traditional with Javi.  It was like his body had disconnected itself from the control center in his brain.  It was like every nerve ending had been on high alert.  All he could do was feel; he couldn’t think, he could barely speak, all he’d wanted was for it to go on forever while wanting it to end at the same time.  And when it had ended…his whole body had been shaking, like his brain and his nerves were trying to unscramble themselves to regain control.  Javi had discovered and explored areas of his anatomy so sensitive that pleasure and pain combined to leave him begging for more, yet hoping he wouldn’t die before it ended.  And the way he used pressure in varying degrees to control and inhibit Kurt’s ability to move…. he loved it when Javi kissed him like that, mercilessly, relentlessly until Kurt could barely breathe, but had never seriously considered what it would feel like if he did the same to Kurt’s body.   He’d felt just as Javi had described him, helpless, powerless, totally vulnerable, defenseless to stop Javi from having his way with him and he’d loved it, every hot moment of it!  

No one had ever even attempted with him some of the things he and Javi were doing for and with each other.  He had to laugh; they were actually having as much fun trying to find ways NOT to have sex in the “traditional” sense. And it could all be applied to their future love life.
Since he only had he and Blaine’s love life to compare it to, he remembered they had actually had what he considered great sex.  He had never felt dissatisfied or unloved that he could remember, but, he wondered for the first time, had Blaine felt that way? Why had that never occurred to him?  Sometimes it had been so difficult getting Blaine to open up about his feelings and it wasn’t for lack of trying on his part.  But was it maybe for lack of understanding why Blaine might have felt that way?  He didn’t know if this was something he necessarily needed to talk to Blaine about, but he added it to his mental list that was growing so long they’d need a week to get through it all.  

He felt Javi’s arms encircle him and he raised his head only to have Javi lean down and tenderly kiss him good morning.  As he sat down in the lounge chair next to Kurt’s, placing his cup of espresso on the table, he said, “What’s on that beautiful mind of yours, mi poco amor? (my little love)”  Kurt smiled, “You, always you, Javi, mi amorcito.”  Kurt didn’t want to get into a discussion about Blaine right now…and he had been thinking about Javi….his abilities? his imagination? his body? his kisses?… It didn’t matter, any and all of that was a far better topic to start the day with as opposed to the past.

“I was thinking about earlier this morning,” he didn’t want to say last night because that brought back the whole crying thing over Blaine.  Not only did he not want to start the day discussing that, he didn’t want to think about it either.  “At the risk of sounding naive, where did you learn to do that….I mean the whole pressure thing, the finding places…..how do I say this?  Places so sensitive on my body that even I didn’t know they existed?”  Although he tried not to show it, Javi was delighted, in fact ecstatic, with starting the morning this way!  He liked Kurt being inquisitive about anything.  It told him not just how interested Kurt was about everything in the world, but that he wasn’t afraid to ask, which made it easier for both of them to learn about each other.  He really hadn’t expected this so he took a few moments to gather his thoughts.
“I’m sure you’ve at least heard about bondage, as it applies to sex I mean, am I right or no?”

“Yeah, of course, but I always thought of it as something kinky or….I don’t know, abnormal??”  Javi laughed and said, “Oh, Kurt!  Sometimes you make me smile all over!  Here we are two gay men, living in the US, where not too long ago both of us were considered abnormal simply by virtue of who we are, what we are, discussing what’s kinky and abnormal?  We were considered kinky and abnormal, and to some we still are….so…”

“Alright, I get your point.  I’m pretty sure Tonio has something to do with my questions and since I’ve already told you I have not a jealous bone in my body about him, please, I’m curious!  I may or may not have told you earlier that that was probably the hottest….non-sex? I’ve ever had!  In fact, trying to have a rational conversation about it….well, let’s just say I’d rather be doing than talking, so can we get back on track before I decide to skip the discussion and ask you to give me another demonstration right here on the patio?…because if I were to do such a thing, I’d have to ask; you’ve already proven that you can make me do anything once you get me where you want me…and god! I don’t even care that you might have that kind of control over me!”

“Wow!  No, no, no, mi amor, you could have stopped me at any time; I would never take you anywhere you didn’t want me to.  Um, before I decide to skip the discussion myself and “force” myself on your tantalizing body again, I’ll try to answer your questions.  As I’ve said before, the story of how Antonio acquired his knowledge is a story all by itself, and not really relevant to the questions.  Of course, some of it was from the internet, though that kind of info wasn’t as readily available then…and from books, THAT was readily available, a bit from porn, but that really wasn’t our thing, for the same reasons it wasn’t really your thing…too impersonal, fake, no real feelings involved?  We did have a very few gay friends, that was a source, although bondage isn’t really gay specific.  The rest was just learning by doing.  

“You’re very attentive, Kurt.  From the very beginning that wonderfully analytical mind of yours was gathering “intel” about me, about us.  In fact, if you could carry a notebook around and write down all the details of how I’m kissing you and what you like or don’t like about it…?”  Kurt threw a spoon at him and Javi couldn’t stop laughing.  Finally, he took a breath and said, “Seriously, Kurt!  You miss nothing.  That was evident from that shower fantasy!  I told you, you have some innate ability with timing in particular and how to apply what you learn to your abilities!  If you think about it, there was a bit of bondage in your fantasy!  Yes, think about it now, please, so we can get this discussion over with and move on to the lesson plan!  Okay, I’ll stop…for now.  Anyway, bondage has its degrees.  It can be playful like what I did…it can be somewhere in between…it just depends on what you like and the way to learn what you like is by doing.  It’s not about crazy people with whips and chains getting off on pain, unless that’s your thing, of course.  But most people, I think, use it as a source of variety.  The best way to learn about pressure, as you put it, is to spend time just exploring a person’s body and discovering what they like or don’t like or kinda like and you have to be secure enough with each other to not take it personally if someone doesn’t like something you’re doing.  And books and the internet can be very helpful.  In fact, I think that is an excellent idea for our next….escapade?  I don’t know about you, but I’d love to spend a few minutes, or hours….or days…..exploring your body and of course you exploring mine….I can tell you hate the idea…okay, let’s just forget it….” Kurt tackled Javi where he lay on the lounge chair, settled himself so he was looking into those chocolate brown eyes, then lightly touched the tip of his tongue to Javi’s lips, easing them open, and whispering, “Javier. Ramos. Ruiz..will you come out and play with me?”  He barely touched his tongue to Javi’s urging him to allow him to draw his tongue out so that only the tips of their tongues were touching, Kurt lightly encircling Javi’s tongue with his own, their lips not touching…yet.  As Kurt slowly caressed the underside of Javi’s tongue, Javi moved closer, barely nibbling the tip of Kurt’s tongue, and as Javi reached for Kurt’s face, Kurt did the same to Javi.  As their lips met, Kurt again whispered, “Javier. Ramos. Ruiz…will you let me in so I can play with you?”  Still holding each other’s faces, they shared a long, lazy, sensual kiss. 

“Kurtito, if you only knew how much I love it when you say my name like that, it gives me chills….you’re saying so much more than just my name…you’re speaking to my identity, to who I am to you, not just what I do for a living.  So many things I want to say to you right now, but I can’t, not now…but for the future.  Just know that all of you and all of me is right here,” and he placed his hand over his heart.  Kurt took Javi’s hand and placed it over his own heart, then placed his hand over Javi’s, “I know, mi Javito, you don’t have to say anything, I know.”  He laid down on the lounge chair next to Javi and their conversation meandered as they enjoyed a cozy morning of coffee and the view of the yard with its pool.  

Kurt sighed and looked over at Javi.  This man, whether he knew it or not, was saving Kurt’s life.  Not in the sense that Kurt had ever been suicidal, but instead slowly drawing him out of the quagmire of pain and ennui that his life had been for so long.  Kurt reached for Javi’s hand, kissed the palm and his fingers, then placed it over his heart again.  Javi glanced at Kurt, then asked, “What is it, mi amor?” Kurt looked so pensive.

“I’ve decided to call Blaine tomorrow before I call my dad.  That way I can be sure of what the plans are for the holidays, if Blaine even wants to meet with me.”  Part of him almost hoped he wouldn’t, but he knew better.  “I want to get it over with so it isn’t hanging over my head this week.  I refuse to spoil my favorite holiday and the sooner it’s done, the sooner I can stop agonizing over it….and I’m asking you to be there with me when I call him….please.”  “As in the same room, beside you?”  Javi enquired.  “Yes.  It may seem strange, but if you’re there it might stop me from saying things I may regret or that I should save for our future conversation.”  Javi nodded, “I will always be there for you wherever and whenever I can, Kurt, always.”  Kurt kissed him on the cheek and settled back into the chair, he felt better already just knowing that.   

Both reluctant to leave this peaceful time and place, they lingered, not surprisingly dozing off to sleep again; they’d gotten very little sleep the night before.  Suddenly, Kurt startled and almost sat up, then fell back onto the chair.  “Kurt, are you okay, what is it?”  Kurt took some deep breaths, tried to clear his head and in a tense voice, murmured, “That dream….that stupid dream”  Javi knew what he meant, he didn’t have to explain it.  Kurt had told him all about it and the significance repetitive dreams had in his life.  He’d never told Kurt that the dream worried him.  
Although he was far from psychic, he had his own history with dreams, especially when they involved Tonio.  For many years after his death, he hated those dreams.  They only reminded him of all that he’d lost.  After a while though, he’d come to realize that Tonio only came to him in dreams when something of import was happening or was about to happen in his life.  In fact, Tonio had visited his dreams more than once during the months before he’d met Kurt.  He rarely understood the meaning of those dreams until something happened.  In his dream, Tonio always met him onstage, in front of a crowd of Mateo fans screaming for an encore, Tonio, Rigo and Javi holding raised hands as they always did at the conclusion of a concert.  Tonio would take Javi’s hand and as they stood there in the midst of the crowd, he would look at Javi and smile and kiss him – that never happened in front of a crowd!  Then, Tonio would walk backwards off the stage, smiling and waving at them all, never looking away from Javi, but leaving him there alone (always alone, where had Rigo gone?) to sing Todo Cambio (Everything Changed).  Sometimes the dream would end there or it would end when he finished the song.  He sort of understood parts of the dream now. Tonio felt free to leave Javi onstage because someone new was taking Tonio’s place on the stage of his life, Kurt.  The song spoke for itself.  When Kurt arrived, everything had changed.  At least that’s what he thought Tonio had been trying to say.  

But what was he trying to tell Kurt? Or Blaine?  He wasn’t sure at all.  There were a million reasons why he might be arguing with Blaine, but every reason involved Kurt in some way.  Laying here analyzing it would help no one though.  He simply took Kurt into his arms, soothing him with quiet words until Kurt sighed again, “I know this sounds ridiculous, but I know I have to try to clear the air with Blaine, if for no other reason than to rid myself of this dream.  I don’t understand it, but I know it means something.  What do you think it means, Javi?”  Javi was as clueless as Kurt, “I don’t know any more than you do, mi amor.  I only know that Tonio appears in my dreams occasionally, and although I’ve learned not to ignore them, the meaning rarely becomes clear until later, after something has happened…sometimes just before.  Has Blaine ever appeared in your dreams before?”  “Yeah, but I can’t say that it’s ever really meant anything that I’m aware of.”  Kurt had calmed enough to come to the same conclusion Javi had.  Laying here trying to analyze it all would do no good.  Right now they were here, in each other’s arms, content, with the gift of an abundance of time wide open before them.

“I’m hungry; let’s go to After the Bars Close!”  Kurt said.  Javi smiled, “Nothing like non-sex to work up an appetite!”  

It was around 1:30 when they got to the restaurant and as soon as they walked through the door, the familiar smells reminded them of just how hungry they really were.  After waving to a few friends, they found a small booth, Karen, their favorite waitress taking their order.  “Just a little hungry are we boys?”  She smiled, leaving them with a wink.  Kurt reached for Javi’s hand, “Yes, I am in more ways than one!”  Javi loved it when Kurt took the initiative in any way, it was always a surprise and delight.  “Hmmm….I’m sure we could manage to squeeze in a few tutorials on the fine art of touching…for both of us, of course…..I’m sure you have some inspiring….handiwork? to share with your class of one, that being me.”  

As they were eating, Trace stopped by the table, and they invited him to sit down.  Kurt was still amazed at how many friends he’d made since meeting Javi.  Not just acquaintances, but friends.  Trace liked to share fashion ideas with Kurt, and with Javi, too, but Kurt was someone new.  He also liked shopping at the Boutique Magnifique where Kurt worked.  Kurt could always be counted on to help him choose clothing and accessories.  He invited them to a pool party later on; they were celebrating his partner, Darren’s, new job.  They decided it was a perfect way to spend the rest of the afternoon and told Trace they’d see him there.  Just by virtue of living in California, Kurt was becoming less body conscious.  Maybe it was the culture or the weather or who knew what, but most everybody dressed in as close to nothing as a person could get when the opportunity arose.  Pool parties were definitely one of those times.  There were even a few nude beaches in the area.  Javi had attempted getting Kurt to go with him to one nearby, but it was just too soon, so Javi had let the subject drop.  Someday….  Here he was going to a pool party at the end of October; his life had changed so very much in just a few short months and he had never regretted leaving New York.   

They had indeed enjoyed the afternoon with everyone who showed up at Trace and Darren’s place.  Even Ethan and Adam had been there!  Adam and Kurt didn’t see much of each other these days, but neither were terribly bothered by it.  They were happy, certainly happier than they’d been before arriving in San Diego!  It was a good opportunity to catch up.  Javi no longer felt he needed to spend all of his time with Kurt at social gatherings.  Not that he didn’t want to, he didn’t need to.  Kurt was comfortable with everyone it seemed and Javi knew it was good for him to let Kurt be himself.  This would be important during the times when Javi was out of town, much more than he had been recently.  

Adam sat down on the edge of the pool beside Kurt, handed him his Diet Coke, and asked, “So much better than New York, doncha think?”  Kurt raised his Coke and said, “Here’s to pool parties in October!” and they both laughed.  They made some small talk and then Adam asked if Kurt had plans for the holidays yet.  Kurt was quiet for a moment and then told Adam he planned to go back to Ohio with Javi, and he also planned to meet Blaine.  He’d decided Javi was right; it was something he needed to do if he was ever going to really put Blaine behind him.  Adam told Kurt how happy he was to hear that, “And if all you accomplish is yelling and screaming at him for the asses he and Barry were, at least you’ll have gotten it out, I imagine after 2 years of buildup it would feel really good!”  Kurt laughed, trying to picture himself making a scene like that at The Lima Bean. 

“Actually that might be kind of fun, but all I really want are some answers to questions I should have asked back in New York, although I’m not sure I would have listened then, it hurt too much.”  Adam just nodded.  “Yeah, maybe when you get back we can compare notes on what Barry told me and what Blaine tells you.  By now I’m hoping we can laugh about it.”  Although they hadn’t seen each other a lot lately, Adam was still Kurt’s best friend and he’d been asking some of the guys about Javi; sure, he seemed like a really nice person, but Adam didn’t think he could bear to see Kurt go through another relationship that might end in pain, not again.  From what he’d learned, Javi was indeed as nice as he seemed.  He was friendly with everybody, but had never dated anyone in San Diego that anyone knew of, though not for lack of trying by probably half the guys here.  Javi had been looking for Mr. Right again for as long as anyone could remember.  He’d confided in very few of his friends here, but what he had told some of them was that since he lived in San Diego for a good part of the year, he didn’t want to start a relationship there because if it didn’t work out he didn’t want to be reminded of it when he was “home.”  Apparently, either he thought Kurt was Mr. Right or he’d decided Kurt was the exception to his rule.  Whatever it was, they were plainly very much in love.  Kurt told Adam he planned on calling Blaine the next day and Adam wished him luck, then said, “And you don’t have to give him my best regards!” they both laughed, which Adam thought was a definite plus!  As he and Kurt stood up, Kurt said, “Well, I guess I better go find my man before someone else decides to take him home,” to which Adam replied, “Yeah, well, someone may try, but from what I’ve seen he only has eyes…and everything else…for you, Kurt!” and walked away smiling.

After they got back to what Kurt was starting to think of as home, they took showers and met as usual in the media room.  Javi knew the next day was going to be difficult for Kurt, or he assumed it would be.  He wanted to give him every chance to talk about it again, but Kurt didn’t seem so inclined, so Javi just followed Kurt’s lead.  He had been teaching Kurt some of his songs in Spanish and Kurt seemed to really be enjoying it.  He’d even caught him a few times with headphones on trying to sing a song in Spanish while following the English lyrics so readily available on Google and Youtube.  Javi could have given him those lyrics, but he’d discovered long ago that the best way to teach someone anything was to let them learn in their own way, unless they asked for help.  He liked to watch videos of some of Javi’s performances and he seemed to choose songs to learn based on that availability most of the time.  He assumed it was because among other things, Kurt was a visual learner most of the time.   The song he was working on right now, Amar de Verdad (Truly Love), was one of what Kurt called his “happy” songs. He had released and performed it as a duet with one of his favorite singers, Sandoval. When Kurt had chosen that song, he said he really liked the lyrics.  It was almost eerie that it had been released less than a year before he met Kurt…and the words fit them so perfectly.  He loved to tease Javi about his “fountain of hair” in the video, to which Javi always replied he’d be happy to do the same with Kurt’s. Kurt also loved the official video depicting hetero, gay and lesbian lovers.  He knew that this was Javi’s way of coming out a degree at a time.  Other songs he’d written contained lyrics aimed at his feelings about acceptance of all love.  One of the first things Kurt had asked Javi was why Mateo and Javi sang so many sad songs.  Javi had said jokingly that that was the only way Mexican men could cry, but at times he wondered if there wasn’t some truth to that. 

Kurt always asked Javi to sing the songs with him so he could get a feel for the Spanish inflections.  So, that’s what they did while munching on Halloween candy.  They sang whatever song Kurt wanted to work on.  In the back of Javi’s mind he had a picture of them singing together on stage, but he hadn’t brought that possibility up to Kurt yet.  It was too soon, and besides, he knew he’d have to pick and choose which venues to do such a thing.  Never, never in Mexico, not even Mexico City, not even Monterrey.  He knew their feelings for each other would be too obvious and Kurt was used to being “out.”  He would have no idea how to hide his feelings on stage in a situation like that.  For Kurt, being out was the norm, not the exception.  He’d even considered having Kurt sing the songs in English while he sang them in Spanish.  Just some ideas….in the meantime he was going to enjoy this time with his sensitive lover who had the voice of an angel.

It was about midnight when Kurt finished what would be their last song for the night.  Javi took his hand and said, “Mi Kurtito, I could sing love songs with you forever, but we both need some sleep.  I promise, I won’t ask you to come out and play tonight, but that’s a promise I don’t plan on making very often,” he smiled.  Kurt leaned over, kissing Javi, and saying, “Oh, but what if I want to come out to play?  You would deny me?”  Javi touched Kurt’s beautiful face and said, “Oh, mi amor, I will never deny you unless it’s for your own good.”  To which Kurt replied, “And who says you’ll always know what’s for my own good, mi oh so sexy Javi?”  

As they wandered back to the bedrooms, holding hands, Javi turned to Kurt, holding him close, and whispering, “Tomorrow, Kurtito, after you make your calls, after you set your course, I promise I will be available to play allllll you want, for as long as you want, in any way you can imagine and perhaps a few you haven’t….now, get some sleep.”  Kurt smiled at him mischievously, “Will you tuck me in at least, read me a bedtime story?”  Javi sighed, “Now who’s being incorrigible?”  He kissed Kurt one more time and they parted, Javi hoping that Kurt would not be troubled by dreams.

AMAR DE VERDAD – SAMO AND SANDOVAL

Since I saw you in the distance
I felt something was going to happen
But I never thought that my soul was going to give up
It seemed that I already knew you
Without knowing you knew
What I always dreamed of
And without words you made me understand

That love (that love)
It has no space or time and it is something
That breaks the silence

And your hands
They caressed me and erased the past
And with a kiss I felt that in
Your lips I can live

This time my surrender is total
Because you are my other half
And with you I really want to love, oh oh
Oh yeah

I know the wait was long
But it was well worth acknowledging
That your love makes me grow
Time will go on and you and I will discover
The secret of becoming one
Every night and every sunrise

I will love you (I will love you)
Without fear I can tell you
That I will never fail you

And your hands
They caressed me and erased the past
And with a kiss I felt that in
Your lips I can live

Your hands
They caressed me and erased the past
And with a kiss I felt that in
Your lips I can live

This time the delivery is total
Because you are my other half
And with you I want to love
With you I really want to love
Oh oh oh
I really want to love