KLAINE BASED FAN FICTION

CHAPTER 30 – LA TO SAN DIEGO

He grabbed a couple of pillows, propped himself against the headboard and slowly drank the sweet red wine wondering why he didn’t feel tense or restless. As he let his thoughts meander through his mind, he slowly realized why. All of his senses had been satisfied.

Thankfully, Kurt had been busy with school and work to mark the time between Tuesday and Friday. Javi had texted him at least once a day…and sent pics of himself shirtless, pantless in only a shirt with tails long enough to show his muscular legs, in a pair of swim trunks sitting at the side of a pool and a few that Javi said “someone had been kind enough to take of him….don’t worry! Her name is Lisa.” Javi was in various poses of semi-undress. Kurt had to smile at that. Javi told him he would get them developed in LA. He’d continued, “You can send me some now or save them for Friday. Just thought I’d give you….a taste…followed by winking emojis and some wearing sunglasses. Kurt took some selfies and found some pics that had been taken in New York, one of him shirtless at NYADA in fencing class and a few Santana had taken at the apartment that they shared, along with Rachel. He’d taken a few of Santana for Brittany as a favor. He tried not to think about why Santana had taken the pictures for him. It didn’t matter anymore.

He tried to get everything he needed to accomplish done on Thursday night so he’d have the weekend totally free. Javi was getting in at 1 p.m. on Friday. They’d made plans to go to an out of the way restaurant, Javi had already made reservations for 7 that evening, and Kurt was carefully planning what to wear. He’d texted Javi and asked about the dress code and suggestions. He got a reply a few minutes later, “Nothing would be nice….but I’m pretty sure they require at least a shirt and pants. Something like what you wore to The Rafters will be just fine. I’m missing you, mi amor.”

Again, never knowing what Javi might wear, he decided on a bit dressy, a bit understated, and go from there. He decided on a charcoal gray shirt, a light weight black knee length coat and matching black pants, pleated at the waist. He was already tall and slim and this outfit enhanced his physique. Let’s see, the skinny black tie with the tiny pink stripes for a touch of color, worn loose. He buttoned and unbuttoned the coat…unbuttoned. Shoes were easy, black dress shoes definitely. He wasn’t one to wear a lot of jewelry, but he’d found a ring he’d really liked at the boutique. It was about an inch wide, black with geometric stripes of mother of pearl. He slipped it on, and turned from side to side, making sure the look was balanced. To earring or not to earring? He found one he thought might work with the ring, black with a mother of pearl star in the center. He’d wear his hair up, thinking it’s just going to get messed up later anyway…..and smiled. He hung everything back in the closet.

Next on his list, what to take with him to Javi’s. He had practically memorized what Javi had talked about, what he and Antonio had used in one of their apparently successful experiments. He sometimes wondered why it didn’t bother him when Javi talked about Tonio, what they’d done together, why they’d done this or that. Honestly, how could he be jealous of a man who’d been gone for almost 8 years, a man who was never going to be in Javi’s life again, physically anyway. And it was so very obvious that Javi was ready to move on….with him. Why shouldn’t they benefit from what Javi had learned, and probably some things he wished he’d never had to learn from Antonio? Life was layered, you built on your past to hopefully make your present and future better. He was finally starting to realize the same thing was true about his past with Blaine. His current relationship with Javi would hopefully be informed by the good things he’d shared with Blaine. The bitterness and pain were subsiding and he was beginning to see their past bond as something positive. Okay, enough of what was. Let’s work on what is!

Kurt loved the scent of sandalwood as long as it wasn’t too heavy. It was calming. He’d found some candles back in New York, but hadn’t used them at all since arriving in San Diego. Javi had asked him to bring the sleeveless green shirt he’d worn in the park the last time they were together and told him not to wash it; in fact, he’d said if he had a couple shirts he hadn’t washed yet he wanted him to bring them. He told him to bring the cologne he’d been wearing the night he played at You Are Here. He asked Kurt if he had any recordings of him talking…or even better, singing. He did, so he picked out a couple of them. Kurt had asked what kind of music and Javi had said whatever his favorites were. Kurt even had a couple videos they’d made at NYADA when he sang solo and Javi said, Ah! That, too! He wanted him to pick up his favorite fruit or a food that he found sensual. He had never really thought a lot about whether food was sensual much, but he picked up some concord grapes and tangelos. Javi had asked what his favorite fabric was, the feel of it. Kurt said silk. Javi gave him a half-smile, and then told Kurt his was velvet and if he had any velvet clothing or something he owned that was velvet to bring that. Javi would provide the silk. He gathered up the photos he had and tucked them into the satchel. He went over his list, sight, smell, hearing, touch, taste. He still had time to add or subtract if he wanted.

By the time he was done with his preparations he was pleasantly tired. He laid down on top of the softness of the duvet on his bed, closed his eyes, tried to relax and brought Javi to mind, as Javi had asked him to do. He was going to call Kurt, not text him, in 20 minutes. Javi was doing exactly what Kurt was doing right now. Lying on a bed somewhere with closed eyes, bringing Kurt into his mind. Javi had told him not to force any thoughts, but just to let the time and his imagination take over.

In his mind, Javi was touching his face again, exploring it silently with his fingertips, softly sighing as his fingers stopped on Kurt’s closed eyelids, slid over his eyelashes and eyebrows, and moved gently down his jawline to his chin. He cupped Kurt’s face from underneath his chin, kissed him lightly on the chin, and barely touched Kurt’s lips with his own, over and over again. He gradually made the kiss more demanding until Kurt couldn’t stop himself from reaching for him and pulling him to the ground, kissing him back with utter abandon, lying next to him on the blanket in the park. And the phone rang…..While Kurt was in his imaginary world consisting of only he and Javi, Javi was also in the world of his head and his heart. He believed the two were linked so closely so as to be completely intertwined. His heart could not be fully alive if his mind was not engaged with it and vice versa.

As he lay in the quiet of the small apartment he kept in LA for his frequent trips, he invited Kurt into his heart. He pictured himself as he was that Saturday with his hand resting over Kurt’s beating heart. He could hear the steady pulse of it as he listened to Kurt breathing. He took a deep breath and tried to imagine the smell of Kurt’s cologne and his hair. He brought back the faint taste of grapes on Kurt’s lips and his tongue when he’d kissed him that day in the park and remembered the shock that traveled the entire length of his body the first time he had touched the tip of his tongue to Kurt’s. And lastly, he brought back that image of Kurt that never left him. Kurt unaware of his approach, and his turning to see Javi walk towards him, his eyes, his smile, his entire face almost brilliant as if seeing Javi was the beginning and the end of his world, and Kurt not even being aware of it. He took another breath and thanked the God he would always believe in for the future of Kurt and the past of Tonio, and how He had laced all that was and would be into something good. Tonio would remain the Sun that he was, always; Kurt would become the new light of his life.

The soft sound of his phone alarm brought him back to the world. He took a moment to reorient himself and picked up the phone to call Kurt.

When Kurt answered, Javi asked in a hushed voice, “What are you doing right now, luz de mi vida…” Kurt said, “Light of..? “My life,” Javi replied. “Thinking of you, how do you say heartbeat in Spanish?” Javi smiled to himself, “Latido del corazón.”

“What are you thinking, describe it to me.” So as best he could, Kurt described in detail what had been slipping and sliding through his mind for the past 20 minutes. As comfortable as he was with Javi, describing his intimate thoughts in detail was not something he was used to. When he was done, Javi whispered, “And now I will tell you my thoughts, mi amor.”As Javi described where he had been for the past 20 minutes, Kurt was sure he was going to melt right where he lay. This was one of the single most erotic things he might have ever done or heard…. When Javi was done, they were both quiet for a minute and then Javi said, “Did you buy your favorite wine?” Kurt replied that a glass was sitting right next to him on the nightstand, just as they had planned.

“Please, let us toast this moment and then you may do what you want with the rest of the evening, but the wine will help you sleep. You are free to end this evening however you choose. I am there with you, in your mind, in your heart….and I will stay on this phone connected to you until you are ready for me to go.” They had talked about this part and what Javi was trying to say is he would stay on the phone until Kurt had physically satisfied himself….with Javi on the phone. Kurt said, “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I want to just lay here and be…as you would say.” Kurt asked, “Do you want me to stay with you?” Javi smiled to himself again and said, “No, Kurt, mi estrella brillante, my shining star….we’ll celebrate tonight, tomorrow night.” Javi hung up and Kurt put his phone down.

Kurt laid there stunned. It was the only word he could think of to describe what had just happened. And he was totally relaxed. There would be no pacing tonight, no showers. He almost laughed as he thought, “If this is Spanish phone sex, I’m moving across the border!”

CHAPTER 29 – WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE NOT…?

For the first time in almost 2 weeks, Kurt and Adam were alone in the loft. Adam was making some Mexican dish for dinner. He had learned how to cook Mexican during the time he and his family had lived in Texas. He loved to cook and they both loved to eat, so they made a perfect pair, as friends.

While Adam put the finishing touches on their meal, Kurt was checking out Javi’s Instagram page. Javi had been the one to bring up social media and all that was on the Internet. He told Kurt he didn’t mind at all, just as long as if he found something he had questions about that he would ask. Kurt was still avoiding the interviews. He didn’t want secondhand, and possibly false, information. Besides, he wanted to look at some of Javi’s photos to get some ideas for what they were calling “Invasion of the Body Snatchers.” Along with some quirky ideas, Javi and Kurt had discovered they had a similar sense of humor at times.

As he continued browsing, Adam sat down beside him and said, “Do I know you?” They both laughed. “You haven’t missed me?” Then he looked up to the ceiling and asked how things were going with Javi and where he was. He had had to make a trip to LA to fine-tune his new release and discuss some ideas for future endeavors. Ethan had made a short trip home to visit family while TAS took a 4-day break for some sort of conference.

Kurt told Adam that things were fine with Javi. Then, Kurt asked Adam the same thing about Ethan and Adam replied in kind. “Well! Now that we’ve had that informative and riveting conversation about the men in our lives…” Adam said, throwing his hands up, he leaned over to see what Kurt was looking at, startled, and looked up at Kurt, “Woah!” Kurt had been looking at some rather provocative pics of Javi.”

That’s what he looks like under all the colorful clothes, hats and bling????” Kurt knew he shouldn’t say this as it would just lead to more questions, but he couldn’t help himself, “Yeah, I guess so, it doesn’t appear to be an edit, but I really wouldn’t know.” And he went back to looking at Instagram.

Adam stared at Kurt, then said in a confused voice, “You don’t know? What does that mean? How could you not know?” Kurt smiled to himself and replied, “Just what I said, Adam. You’re an intelligent guy. The answer isn’t quantum physics.”

It was rare that Adam was at a loss for words, but he was now…finally he almost whispered like someone might be listening, “You haven’t slept together yet? Come on, Kurt! Then, what have you two been doing all the times when you sent me our privacy text? Playing cards? Watching movies? Knitting? Teaching each other yoga??? Putting together jigsaw puzzles? You can’t be serious!”

“Oh, we’ve just been getting to know each other….” Kurt’s voice trailed off. Adam just shook his head, “This isn’t 1952! We don’t have to pretend we’re something we’re not anymore! You don’t have to “save yourself,” stabbing the surrounding space. He looked at Kurt again and exclaimed, “You ARE serious! So what’s the point to this…celibacy? Or do I really want to know? Damn, Kurt! You’ve been alone for almost 2 years. If things are so fine….well, it sounds far from fine to me!”

Kurt was enjoying this, but at the same time he wasn’t going to try to explain to Adam or anyone else the choices he made in his personal life, and especially not his sex life. And even though he trusted Adam completely (and that was saying something for Kurt), he didn’t think it was right to talk about the decisions he and Javi made together over something so personal. Javi had enough pressure in his public life. He didn’t need it in his private life, too. And, he didn’t want their private life to become fodder for the press, something he really hadn’t thought much about until now.

“Adam, you’re my best friend, but how we spend our time is no one’s business but mine and Javi’s. I’m happy, very happy about our relationship so far. Would you just be happy with me, please? We have our reasons, none of which I plan on talking about with you, at least not right now.”

Kurt tried to turn the tables on Adam, “So! How about you and Ethan? Pretty obvious you like each other. What have you two been doing for the past 2 weeks?”

Adam looked at Kurt and in a semi-mocking tone said, “Oh, getting to know each other. He’s a lot of fun! But I don’t know much about his hobbies or whether he prefers sugar or Splenda. He keeps my mind out of New York. I’d say we’re happy for the time being, not really looking into the future. I’m not sure I even want anything more than the present with Ethan, but I’m enjoying the ride, so to speak”…he said, giving Kurt an “if you know what I mean” look.

Kurt rolled his eyes, then Adam asked, “So, since you’re getting to know each other so well, what’s he like?,” suddenly reverting to the star-struck Adam. Kurt told him things he knew he could find anywhere on Google, his background, the story behind the start of Mateo, what he’d been doing as a solo artist, and he told him that he knew about what had happened to Antonio.

Adam was glad that Javi had told him about Antonio, especially after last Friday. He really didn’t have much of a choice. “But, that doesn’t tell me what he’s like, Kurt.”

“Okay, maybe this will satisfy your curiosity. He’s down to earth, certainly not boring, he’s not stuck on himself, he makes me laugh and cry. He’s honest, almost to a fault. He’s a good listener, easy to be around, interesting…he’s a lot of things I just can’t always put into words. I’m sure you understand that somewhat, you’ve seen him on stage.”

“Of course, I understand that! You’re describing me!” Adam laughed at Kurt. Adam was a little embarrassed to ask but unable to stop himself, “So is a good kisser? Surely, you’ve done that or are you still just holding hands?,” Adam shook his head again like he just couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

Kurt was feeling mischievous, “Actually, yes, he’s almost too good…no, he’s way beyond good, Adam…I could spend the rest of my life kissing him. Would you like me to demonstrate for you? He and I have had quite a bit of practice.”

“Smart ass! Kurt sometimes I just don’t get you at all. If I were in your shoes, I’d have left only kissing somewhere back into early last week. Do you know how many men and women would die to be in your place?”

Kurt thought a minute then said, “You realize this is a mutual decision. It isn’t me waiting around for Javi to be ready or vice versa. We decided this almost from the beginning together. So, would you like that demonstration?”

“No thanks, Kurt. You’re a great guy, but you aren’t Javi. I’ve kissed you before and honestly if he’s better than you I’d want an exclusive, in person exhibition.”

“Well, I could always ask for you..,” Kurt gave Adam a sideways glance, trying not to laugh.

“Okay,” Adam attempted to change the subject. He was tired of Kurt making fun of him, “for the past couple weeks our arrangement has worked well with regard to who’s here when, are we going to have to come up with something else?”

Kurt considered that, then said, “No probably not. If you want to use this place, I can always stay at Javi’s.”

Now Adam was really confused, “But, Kurt, you just said…” “I don’t have to be sleeping with him to stay at his place, trust me!” Kurt was really enjoying Adam’s frustration.

“Fine! Let’s eat!” he said as he almost stomped back into the kitchen and Kurt returned his attention to Instagram. This was another advantage Kurt felt a bit guilty about. Sure, Javi could go to his Instagram page, but he certainly wasn’t going to find pics like these. Yet, he was reasonably sure that Javi was fully aware of what he might find and he seemed okay with that. Then he smiled to himself, oh! Javi was fully aware of what he was doing most of the time.

He grabbed his phone, took a selfie of him blowing a kiss and sent it to Javi, and received one back of Javi seated in a candlelit room. It looked like they were working on a music video. He was dressed in a black velvet suit, a hat to match, a black shirt loose at the neck and a black tie studded with sparkles. He was wearing sunglasses like he had in many of his videos. It did add an air of mystery and it was damn sexy! He’d asked someone else to take the pic. Javi added a string of red lips and hearts and the text said, “the man in the hat will be waiting for you on Friday at his house. Be prepared for an adventure!” The man in the hat was one of the nicknames his fans had given him. They’d talked about what they might do when he got back from LA and he’d asked Kurt to fully engage his imagination and apply it to what they’d planned. He replied, “Imagination engaged and fully focused…on you.” He was glad Adam hadn’t walked in on that text. It was Tuesday evening. Between imagining all the possibilities of Friday night and where it might lead….he didn’t think he’d survive until Friday. On the other hand, all he wanted to do was survive until then, just to enjoy all that was Javi and his ideas of adventure.

CHAPTER 28 – SUCH A DILEMMA

Javi had talked with his booking agent and his manager that morning just to check in and find out what changes, if any, had been made to his upcoming schedule. He was more than pleased to find out that other than a couple of music festivals, some personal appearances scattered throughout the US, and probably some tweaking on his latest recording, he was free until February of the next year. He asked them both to do their best to keep it that way and thanked them again for doing their jobs so well.

Basically free for 4 months. He’d forgotten the last time he really looked forward to so much downtime. Being in constant motion kept the loneliness and memories at bay. Surrounding himself with friends helped most of the time.

But now there was Kurt….mystifying, mesmerizing, tantalizing, hot as hell Kurt. And even though Kurt was the one who thought he wouldn’t survive limiting their physical contact, Javi was struggling…he wasn’t lying when he’d told Kurt he was pretty sure he’d met his match in him. Part of him was enjoying Kurt challenging him, whether consciously or not, kiss by kiss, touch by touch, sexually charged glance for glance, but, of course, there was always the other side of the coin. Intoxicating and agonizing all at the same time. Sometimes he felt like it wasn’t fair to Kurt to ask him to allow Javi to guide what was between them based on what someone in a past relationship had taught him. Yet, he knew from experience that that was the only kind of relationship he ever wanted. Tonio had indeed taught him well in their short time together, if you considered almost 10 years short, and if he could give that kind of abiding and intimate love to someone else, he would do it. It was the ultimate gift.

What Javi didn’t know was that unlike himself, Kurt was dealing with his lifelong dilemma over what most healthy men from the age of 13 found second nature. Actually, with Adam gone most of the weekend spending time with Ethan, he had attempted it this evening after he and Javi had gone their separate ways. They’d spent the weekend riding bikes, Javi giving Kurt a tour of the highlights of the neighborhood, and just spending time talking and enjoying each other’s company. Javi even invited him into his house on Saturday afternoon where he changed clothes and took a shower after spending the night with Kurt. To take his mind off the thought of Javi taking a shower, he’d inspected the media room, thinking he could probably live in that room all by itself and never leave. By mutual agreement, they’d each gone to their separate homes around midnight, both exhausted, but had met for brunch on Sunday and spent most of the day together, not easily exercising restraint again, but accomplishing it nonetheless.

Kurt was at a loss. It was the same problem that shouldn’t even be a problem. Why was he still allowing some careless words uttered when he and Blaine were kids to direct his life now…or ever? What if Blaine had never said what he’d said about masturbation? Would he still be stuck where he was? Maybe it really wasn’t Blaine’s fault at all. It didn’t matter whose fault it was; it was there in his mind.

Yes, he’d been “successful” Sunday night if one was only looking for physical release, but the emptiness and longing for the love and intimacy he craved was still there. And now he had a living, breathing object of all that affection and intimacy in Javi. He still wasn’t sure if it made life more difficult in that regard just because he knew he was so close….so available, yet not available. He was pretty sure Javi had no such inhibitions, if that’s what you wanted to call it. Kurt didn’t feel like he was inhibited; it just left him feeling hollow.

Fuck this! (now there was an oxymoron for the situation!) He was a man in love, and he knew it, but he wasn’t a virgin, far from it! He understood what Javi was trying to accomplish and he loved and respected him for it, but if this was going to work, he couldn’t continue like this for an indefinite period of time, and if Javi was looking for honesty and openness then as much as he felt totally unprepared, not to mention, embarrassed, who better to talk it over with. Javi didn’t know what Kurt was dealing with and Kurt knew that if they didn’t talk about it, he might end up resenting him, without Javi ever understanding where the resentment came from. But how could he bring it up without getting into a discussion about Blaine? He just wasn’t ready for that. He was still processing what Javi had told him about Antonio.

He only had to work a few hours tomorrow and only had one class. That would give him some time to come up with a strategy? plan? How does a person strategize over this particular topic? He grabbed his phone and texted Javi asking him what his plans were for the next day. He got a text back saying he had some things to do in the morning, but he was free after that and attached a few hearts in different colors. Despite himself, Kurt had to smile at that. He texted him back asking him if he could meet him in the park around 3. He got a reply that contained a selfie of Javi with that smile that revealed both dimples and a thumbs up. Kurt replied with his own selfie, said he’d see him tomorrow and received a series of tiny fires indicating how hot Javi thought the pic was. Again, he couldn’t help but laugh and replied with his own hearts and fires, another perfect analogy for the way he felt.

He queued up some of Javi’s solo music, laid down on the floor with a pillow under his head, closed his eyes and listened to words he didn’t understand, the underlying music creating the emotions the songs evoked anyway. As hard as this conversation might be, he felt better about it, just knowing he wouldn’t be trying to figure this out on his own. And there, listening to Javi’s voice, trying to sing along in places, he fell into a sound sleep.

He was glad Monday morning went by quickly and slipped into the few hours he worked. He didn’t want to overthink this. He was so very good at it, but for something like this he was pretty sure overthinking wouldn’t help in the least. It would make him more nervous than he already was.

He’d decided today he would slip into a comfortable pair of jeans, grab a sleeveless dark green tank top, his high top tennies, wear his hair loose again and go with a small single hoop earring. He eyed one of his favorite bracelets, simple braided leather with denim woven through it, slipped it on and looked in the mirror. Yep, he was finally starting to look like a California native. He took a slow breath, let it out and said a silent prayer to whomever might be listening and wondered how many people there were in the world who prayed before a discussion about masturbation…or lack thereof in his case. Almost forgetting, he grabbed one of his more casual hats from his new collection, a straw-colored panama, and his sunglasses. Something else he was discovering was essential in California.

As he approached the park entrance, he saw Javi laying on a blanket beneath “their” tree, not that there were that many to choose from. He, too, had worn a pair of jeans, distressed, showing off just enough of his legs….okay, Kurt, stop! And then he thought no! If this is going to be an honest discussion, he might as well start by admitting how enticing and sexy Javi was to him. He wore one of the black mesh shirts he favored, a pair of tennies as well, but with black shoestrings laced with silver thread. A wide black and silver necklace, almost a choker, encircled his neck and again he had on the wide black, silver-studded bracelet. A black wide-brimmed hat lay beside him.

When he heard Kurt approach he sat up cross-legged. How did anyone go from lying with legs outstretched to sitting up cross-legged in one smooth move? He patted the blanket beside him, motioned for Kurt to have a seat and offered him some water. This time, he had brought snacks, knowing Kurt had already had a busy day. He leaned over at the same time Kurt did, almost falling into each other’s laps. Javi’s musical laughter caused Kurt to laugh too and soon neither of them could stop. Finally, they stopped, and Kurt motioned to Javi, and said, “Come here!” He wrapped his arms around Javi and held him close, savoring his nearness, then let go, kissing him on both cheeks and the tip of his nose. Kurt felt more at ease after all of that laughing. When Javi tried to kiss him on the lips, Kurt put his finger to his lips, and then to Javi’s, as if to say, “Later, please listen.” Javi sat back, his arms outstretched behind him, and gave Kurt an inquisitive look. “Something very important is on mi adorable hombre’s mind…oh, my lovely man, sorry. Please, take your time and I’ll listen to every word until you’re done.” And he settled himself and watched Kurt intently.

Kurt was also sitting cross-legged. He took a sip of water and then clasped his hands in front of him. Where to start?

“Javi, I want you to know that I respect and appreciate what you…and me, I want this, too….you’re trying to help us accomplish in a relationship. The last time I was in a situation like this, I was a teenager, and a virgin, only I was the one who wanted to move slowly, and not just for the reasons you…and I….have. I don’t want to go into the whys, partly because I’m not sure myself…all I know is it’s going to be sheer hell for me to go for an indefinite period of time without having a genuine sexual relationship with you.” Kurt stopped for a minute and looked at Javi, still watching him so earnestly, not interrupting, not saying a word. His eyes simply said, “Go on.”

“I know there’s a very simple solution to this. Or at least a solution that would make it bearable, but it just doesn’t work for me…no, that’s not the way to say it….it doesn’t help me much and kind of makes it worse.” Kurt paused, not sure how to continue.

Javi leaned over and took Kurt’s fingers, such a Javi thing to do. He looked up into Kurt’s eyes and said, “Mi amor, maybe I can make this easier for you. We’re talking masturbation here, right? I could give it a million other names, but that’s what you mean. Am I right?” Kurt nodded, and Javi waited for Kurt to speak. When he didn’t, Javi continued.

“Maybe you realize this and maybe you don’t, but I was in the same situation when I was trying this with…Tonio. We were both virgins, though. For him, using his hand or anything else for that matter was like second nature. Me? I was basically a school boy coming from a background where even thinking about doing such a thing was considered dirty and disgusting, not to mention a sin. I know it seems strange that we should both have had to deal with this, though obviously for different reasons, but the fact that I was a virgin and Tonio was too, probably made a difference. Tonio, as I’ve said, was a very uninhibited guy. In fact, as sensitive as he was, the fact that I might be dealing with something he couldn’t even fathom, never occurred to him. So, one day, I had to sit down with him and talk about it. I was scared to death and embarrassed, afraid I might cry even, another thing Mexican men are taught they must never do.

So you see, even though you may think you are the only man on Earth that has faced this dilemma, believe me you are not. Although things aren’t going in exactly the order I had planned, I’m pretty sure it’s that way for you, too. There are many things I will tell you about Tonio and I that you will find strange, maybe unbelievable. But…that was Tonio, sometimes strange and unbelievable. And please, if you don’t want me to talk about Tonio, just say so.” He stopped talking and just nodded.

Kurt took the cue, “Okay, so what did you do? What did Antonio do? How did you handle this?”

Javi looked into his eyes again and said, “First, tell me what bothers you or why it doesn’t seem to help you. You can tell me anything, mi amigo. Please trust me. I will help if I can…and I think I can…”

“Well, obviously, it feels good physically….” Javi stopped him a moment and said, “Not always so obviously, but go on…”

Kurt continued, “It leaves me feeling lonely and empty. I don’t crave the physical release so much as I crave the affection, the closeness, the intimacy.” Javio nodded and thought for a few moments.

Then, he looked up again, and said, “I know you must have a very active imagination being a drama student, and this is just an assumption, but your imagination affects all areas of your life, true?”

Kurt nodded again and struggled with what to say next. Finally, he said, “It’s not that I can’t imagine all kinds of things. The imagination is there, but I guess what I can’t do is create a reality for it, as much as I try. It just isn’t there for me. I need to feel all the warmth and closeness…I want to hear and taste and smell….and, yes, I’ve tried porn but that doesn’t help either. That is someone else’s reality, not mine.”

Again, Javi nodded, and went quiet as he tried to decide what to say next. “Okay, for me, it was getting past the guilt that I carried with me from the background I came from. But I think I understand what you’re trying to say. And even though the reasons aren’t the same, we did talk about this, Tonio and I. Even though he was so free and I was not back then, we both struggled with this, too. There is no perfect answer, but I can at least tell you some of the things we tried. Like I said though it may sound weird, strange, even kinky, depending on your background.”

Kurt took a breath, then let it out again, “Whatever it may be, I’m pretty sure it can’t hurt to try. And I do want us to really know each other from the inside out. If we don’t, I’m not sure I want any other kind of relationship.”

“Okay, let me start with the simplest thing we tried. Back then cell phones weren’t quite as prevalent as they are now, but because we were tossed so quickly into all that Mateo became, we needed them, they were an essential part of our work, and we had state of the art at the time. Sometimes, we would use regular cameras, too. Anyway, we started out just taking pics of each other or ourselves, semi-clothed, because getting pictures developed could be risky in Mexico. Being celebrities though, those kinds of pictures weren’t considered “suspicious.” Sometimes, they were just pictures that we liked of the other. Each of us had a set of pictures of the other. At first we tried just using them alone. But then, we decided to create an intimate environment, candles, incense or whatever scents we found sensual, we’d put on our own music, or each of us singing solo, or whatever fit the mood at the time. We’d have fresh fruit or wine or, again, whatever was sensual to each of us. We each took the pics we had of the other, created a collage that was pleasing to us and set it up wherever we could see it in the room. We had bits and pieces of each other’s clothing that we liked and of course the clothing had our own scents on them. We’d use warm scented towels. In short, we did our best to create something that held as much of each other as possible. After a while the creativity became part of the experience. We would talk about different ways to enhance the scenario. That was the first thing we tried. It not only made it bearable, we even used it…after we became intimate with each other. And this may be what sounds a bit kinky, but sometimes when we were on the road, we’d share a place with two bedrooms and do the same thing at the same time, but in separate rooms.”

At first, as Kurt listened to Javi describe the details of a possible solution, his eyes grew wide and he was dumbfounded. He had never heard anyone suggest anything so creative for something that so many men found routine. This was far beyond a physical release! Not only did it sound sensual….it involved every sense he could think of!, but it was a total turn on….and to his surprise, especially the part about separate rooms. No one had ever suggested something even close to what Javi was describing!

He cleared his throat…twice, and then looked up at Javi with a sly smile on his face and simply asked, “So, when do we begin?” Javi smiled back and tackled him on the blanket pinning Kurt’s hands to the ground…and held him there until he could use every sense available to him, tasting the sweetness of his lips, smelling whatever soap and shampoo he had used, his eyes devouring his face, listening to Kurt laugh as he tackled him, loving the fact that maybe he could help with a dilemma that really wasn’t a dilemma…or he hoped it wouldn’t be now. Kurt noted exactly what Javi was doing, consciously taking him in with all of his senses, and tucked it away for later use. “We are going to have so much fun, Kurtito, so, so”…Kurt stopped him with his lips, turned him over on the blanket and straddled his waist, reached down, took his face in his hands and said, “Now, it’s my turn, Javito!”

CHAPTER 27 – A GOOD MORNING EXPLOSION

Javi slowly opened his eyes, feeling a bit disoriented. After realizing where he was, he sighed and closed his eyes again. Last night….Hala! Hala! Hala! (Wow!). It’s no wonder he and Kurt had fallen asleep right here, from emotional exhaustion alone. Singing that impromptu song to Kurt, Kurt recklessly abandoning his cautious barrier, shocking and pleasing Javi to no end…and then him telling the story of Antonio…again. It would never be simple or easy, but he felt as if a giant anvil had been lifted from his chest. Ah! The sun was revealing itself; a new day, a new chapter. He knew it was probably just his imagination, his songwriter’s heart expressing itself, but he sensed Tonio’s blessing; somewhere the Sun was still burning bright as ever.

He and Kurt were lying flat, Kurt’s head resting on the arm of the couch. Javi was lying with his head on Kurt’s chest, his hand resting over his heart. Kurt had one arm on Javi’s shoulder and the other arm carelessly flung over his head. Javi raised his eyes to look at Kurt’s face. He was running out of words to describe that…well, indescribable for the moment!….face, hoping he would have plenty of time to come up with something more.

He had spent the past nine days trying to fix the blessing that was Kurt in his heart and his mind. Right now, he looked so innocent. He had the longest eyelashes he’d ever seen lying softly against his translucent skin. And, the way he’d worn his hair last night, loose, in a look that made him appear even younger. He wanted to reach up and touch the cleft in his chin….he had his head turned slightly so that Javi was almost seeing him in profile. He was like a godly exercise in symmetry from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.

He tried not to move so as not to wake him, but his head was lying at eye level with that fourth button on Kurt’s shirt. He smiled slightly at that. It was like those buttons were a visual gauge revealing Kurt’s willingness to leave behind the cloak of wariness he wore. The night they’d met at The Rafters, the shirt had two buttons undone and he kept fidgeting with the third. At Cam’s party, with the third unbuttoned, he’d revealed a little more of his letting go. And last night, with the fourth button open, as silly as it may sound, Javi found his eyes wandering back and forth between Kurt’s face and the space on Kurt’s chest that that button had hidden.

He was so content right here, right now. He slowly moved the hand that was resting on Kurt’s chest and slid it underneath his shirt. He wanted to feel his heart beating under his hand, as if doing so would bring him a tiny step closer to the reality of him, and hopefully them, holding each other’s hearts in the other’s hand, a metaphor for ultimate trust. As he closed his eyes again, all he was aware of was the sound and feel of Kurt’s heart beating.

It was almost 10 when Kurt opened his eyes with a start. He, too, looked around, disoriented for a moment. He’d been dreaming of Blaine and Antonio in conversation! All he could remember was Antonio speaking to Blaine as if he were warning him of…..something? What? He closed his eyes and tried to clear his head. He didn’t need or want either of them invading his life, much less his dreams, especially now. Javi felt so warm against his body. If he died right now and could take Javi with him he’d die a happy man. But living a future with him was so much more appealing.

Kurt reached down and touched his hair, those curls cascading over his forehead. He lowered his hand as gently as he could. He didn’t want to wake him; he looked so at peace, and after the tale he had probably told more times than anyone would want to tell, if ever, he deserved some peace. Antonio died? He’d imagined all kinds of scenarios as to how that bond to each other, almost like an umbilical cord, had ended, but none had included death. So young, so talented…so much a part of who Javi had been and still was. His description of Antonio as the Sun come to Earth came back to him. Losing him had been like removing all the heat, the light, the color and joy from Javi’s world. Like the Moon without the Sun, he thought, not yet knowing that his analogy was what everyone had seen with their own eyes. He would never rob Javi of the time it would take to continue to heal. He could see that even after 8 years, try as he might, Javi wasn’t totally there yet. And his thoughts naturally turned to what he and Blaine had had. As painful as it could still sometimes be, at least Blaine was still alive, hopefully happy, somewhere. It sort of helped him put their relationship in a perspective he’d never thought about.

But enough of the past! Here he was, one hand on this unbelievable man’s forehead and one on his shoulder. With Javi’s hand over Kurt’s heart, he felt so at ease, not just with his new life, but with Javi. He wanted to trust him so badly…and bit by bit he’d opened himself up to all the possibilities that Javi represented.

Javi stirred and slowly opened his eyes, reaching up to take Kurt’s hand placing it under his chin and around his neck, and after basking in the silence surrounding them, Javi sat up, shook out his arms, one of which had fallen asleep, and gave Kurt a sleepy smile.

“My Kurtito! You don’t have to work today?” Kurt explained the schedule at the boutique, again thinking how glad he was that he didn’t have to work. “Well, aren’t we the sight in the morning!” Javi laughed, then said, “just kidding, I could wake up a million times to morning Kurt!”

Kurt was sitting upright on the couch and he reached over to take Javi’s hand, drawing Javi towards him as Javi leaned in and kissed him ever so sweetly on the lips. Kurt said, “Thanks, but I must have horrible morning breath!” Javi moved in even closer and before Kurt could stop him showed him just how little he cared about morning breath. As the kiss deepened, Javi reached up and slowly ran his fingers through Kurt’s hair, then used his fingertips, lightly marching down each side of Kurt’s neck, moving underneath the collar of his shirt, making his way down the V of his chest where he reached the fourth button, and lightly tugged on the bit of hair that Kurt had allowed himself to reveal. Again, he used his fingertips to move back up Kurt’s chest, his neck and the tip of his chin. As he ended the kiss, he barely tugged on Kurt’s lower lip with his teeth, and released him. Kurt took a shaky breath and pressed his forehead to Javi’s, and sort of laughed, then said, “I’m not sure I’ll survive this time period of….us! I may lose my mind and possibly the rest of my body, just trying to live through your kisses!” Javi smiled and murmured, “Oh, mi corazon, te deseo mas de lo que jamas sabras, pero la espera valdrá la pena. Una vez que conozcamos las almas de los demás, conocer los cuerpos de sero como una explosion.” Then, he repeated it softly and slowly in English, “Oh, my heart, my love, I want you more than you will ever know, but the wait will be worth it. Once we know each others’ souls, the getting to know each other’s bodies will be like an explosion.” Kurt chuckled, “You mean THAT wasn’t an explosion??” And Javi laughed with him.

CHAPTER 26 – A SHELTER FROM THE PAST

Kurt handed a Coke to Javi, setting his own drink on a coaster. He got comfortable, leaving what he hoped was a safe distance between them, at least for now. It didn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out that Javi had something serious on his mind. Javi took a sip of his Coke, set it down and, again, took the fingers of both of Kurt’s hands into his.

That level gaze….it felt like a laser beam striking his very core. “Kurt, this is a conversation I had hoped could wait a bit longer, but after what I sang to you tonight, you not only need but deserve to know where my heart and mind have been for the last 8 years. I don’t want you to hear the story from anyone but me.”

Kurt just nodded. Antonio had arrived and Kurt was stuck somewhere between curiosity and “let’s get this over with, please.” So, he remained silent. Javi had to tell his story…their story…in his way and in his time.

Javi held his gaze and took a breath, let it out and said, “Tonio….” he had to stop. “Tonio died, 8 years ago. He was in a skydiving accident and it wasn’t the first time he’d done that. Tonio was a true risk-taker in every area of his life. There was no middle ground for him.” He stopped again, not sure which direction to take. Kurt tried to rescue him, by saying, “You don’t have to do this right now, Javi. I know what I need to know for the time being…” “No, Kurt, I’d rather tell you as much as I can stand all at once. It will never get easier,” he realized he was holding Kurt’s fingers too tight and loosened his grip.

“I guess the only real place to start is at the beginning.” We met in Mexico City at a recording studio. I was doing some backup vocals. I’d barely gotten my suitcase unpacked. Antonio…well, many called him a musical genius and he was only 19 when we met. I’d never met anyone so focused and single-minded. He took lots of chances in his personal life, but when it came to music, he was deliberate, almost obsessively so.”

I know you’ve watched the videos. Antonio was like the Sun come to Earth,” he half-smiled when he remembered what friends had called them, the Sun and Moon, “his larger-than-life passion is what fueled Mateo’s success, but he never would let anyone give him credit alone. He firmly believed that without Rodrigo and me, Mateo would never have reached the pinnacle it did. But, he chose us. He had this innate ability when it came to the music business, almost a sixth sense.”

“Anyway, when we met, we were virgins, as strange as that sounds. Antonio had been so intent upon music that as he said, “I just haven’t gotten around to that!” And me, I was the kid who’d never been outside of Quintana Roo with a strict, repressed childhood, looking not just for myself, but my sexual identity, everything I guess….and since I wasn’t attracted to girls…well, that didn’t leave me with much as a teenager.”

“Tonio…,” Javi laughed, “we were lovers almost from the beginning. He went from, I just haven’t gotten around to it! to What are we waiting for?! I certainly wasn’t going to deny him! I was 18 and suddenly I knew exactly what I was, if not who I was.”

“Neither of us had ever been in love, but Tonio had learned things that most virgins, much less a gay one, learned by doing. And, yes, of course, there was some of that, but he was experienced from the beginning. Someday I’ll tell you that unbelievable story, but not tonight.”

“Kurt, the videos speak for themselves, or at least I believe they do if you know what you’re looking for, and you’re far beyond perceptive. As much as I try to keep a low profile when it comes to being gay, we couldn’t hide what was between us, though we tried really hard. Somehow, we managed to keep it quiet, but it was pretty much an open secret within the music industry in Mexico and all points south. No one wanted to see Mateo break up and no one wanted to lose their job if they worked for the band, so fortunately for us, the media never ran with it if they knew.”

“When Antonio died, for many of us associated with Mateo, the Sun that he was died with him for a while. Rigo and I were at a loss for about a year. Neither of us cared if we ever worked again, but of course, that changed because life goes on, it has to. Tonio may have been young and reckless at times, but to everyone’s shock, he had made out a will and had all aspects of the business taken care of. That was the Antonio who never doubted himself or what he wanted. Since he had created Mateo and had the foresight not to allow anyone else to own a part of it, he made sure that if we wanted to continue using the name and start over, we could.

I just couldn’t. My reason for Mateo was gone. To watch someone else attacking that piano one minute and barely touching the keys looking for just the right note, I didn’t have it in me, even if the person who took his place changed the whole face of the group. Finally, Rodrigo decided he had to try. They’ve made a success of themselves and I’m happy for them, but for me it was over.

When I finally came up for air, I decided to try a solo career. I had the contacts and was already well known for some solo work. And, since then? Well, I have a great career and a life most would envy, but after so many years with Tonio as the center of my universe, spending almost every day and night with him….he was my first love, my first everything…I’ll never forget him, but my heart needs more than one-night stands and lots of friends. That was never me, it was only a way to hide from the loneliness.”

He stopped and dabbed his finger at the corner of each eye. “I think that’s enough for tonight…unless you have questions.” Kurt had a million questions, but there would be time for that. “This isn’t a seminar, my love…” Kurt didn’t even realize he’d called Javi anything other than Javi. Javi had been talking for 3 hours. It was four o’clock. Javi looked emotionally exhausted. Kurt knew telling that story had taken a toll. He didn’t need questions, he needed comfort.

Kurt closed the distance between them and encircled Javi with as much solace as he could and just held him until he was ready to talk….or not. Kurt knew he would never replace Antonio; in fact, he wouldn’t try even if he could. It was almost eerie how their story paralleled Kurt and Blaine’s. First love, first everything, years together. But then, maybe it was a good thing, if anything that devastating could be a good thing. It might be easier for them to move forward having lived similar pain.

Finally, Javi moved in Kurt’s arms and said, “I better go. It’s almost morning.” He started to stand and Kurt stopped him. “Stay here tonight…well, this morning. Adam is staying at Ethan’s. You can sleep on the couch or in Adam’s room. Or we can just stay right where we are. Thank you for telling me about Antonio. You can talk about him whenever you want.” Javi focused on the shifting colors of Kurt’s eyes and with a questioning look asked Kurt, “And what about you, Kurt? Do you want to talk about….” “No,” he shook his head, “no…another time. Just let me hold you.”

And he did. They fell asleep on the couch in each other’s arms.

CHAPTER 25 – IN THE SHADOWS

Kurt had waited around while Javi and Julian packed up their gear, offering to help but they refused. They’d done this a million times and had the routine down pat. As Kurt took a seat, several of the patrons came over and introduced themselves and asked a few questions about he and Adam’s migration to CA, how they liked it, just small talk. He smiled to himself about the fact that San Diego was finally beginning to feel like home. Even Adam was talking to some new people. My how their lives had changed in a week.

It was a little before midnight when Javi was ready to leave. Between the friends who were hugging him and congratulating him, knowing what a big step this was, and some even hugging Kurt, they finally walked into the balmy, bordering on cool, evening.

They walked in silence for a while until Javi finally said, “I really didn’t plan that. I hope I didn’t embarrass you…I hope it wasn’t too soon…” Kurt stopped him, firmly laid hold of his shoulders and turned him so that they were standing face to face. “Javi, that was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. Maybe it’s the artist in you and me, but expressing yourself in a song that you wrote yourself….” He had to look away.

Kurt still couldn’t quite believe that this phenomenal and sometimes disconcerting man was in his life. Even though he knew Javi hadn’t planned it, the message was so personal and intentional. Could a person be intentionally spontaneous? No matter, the message had been received. Coleccionista de Canciones was Javi’s love song to Tonio and vice versa, but Tonio was no longer in the picture for whatever reason. The song he’d sung to Kurt was meant for him and Javi. Stolen phrases from the song came back to him, “I don’t ask of you the impossible because it exists already between you and me…you are the echo to my silence….we still have things to discover…” Kurt closed his eyes for a moment and fervently hoped it was true.

When he opened his eyes, Javi was watching him intently. Kurt couldn’t help himself, they were alone on the sidewalk and there was a building behind them in the shadows. Still holding Javi’s shoulders, he gently…and then with urgency pressed him against the building, took Javi’s arms, placed them around his neck, and moved into Javi’s embrace until there were no barriers between them. Suddenly, the balmy evening became so sultry he was sure he was going to melt and evaporate. As Kurt’s lips fell upon Javi’s, he heard him gasp….Javi pulled him even tighter, if that was possible. This was not a tutorial on the difference between cake and frosting, this was raw passion. And as much as this moment scared them both, neither wanted to stop….finally, Javi took control and gently pushed Kurt away.

“Are you sure you don’t have some Latinx blood in you, Kurt?” He took a ragged breath, and in a low voice sighed, “It feels like I’ve known you forever and I know that sounds cliched, but….”

Kurt could not believe what had just happened. It was not at all like him to basically attack someone on a city sidewalk, no matter it wasn’t New York and it was dark. How were they ever going to survive the plan they’d made? He slowly pulled away from Javi and said, “sort of like, “I don’t ask of you the impossible, because it exists already between you and me..?” “Yes, yeah, exactly like that.” As they took a few moments to come back from wherever they’d gone, Javi looked into Kurt’s kaleidoscope eyes and said, “I think I’ve met my match in you, my beautiful Kurtito…and it scares me to death, but in a good way.” As composed as they were going to get, Javi reached for Kurt’s fingers and soon they were standing in front of Kurt’s building.

Do you mind if I come up for a while? There’s something I really need to talk about,” Javi asked, not sure if this was the best idea after….well, just after…but he had unintentionally set something in motion tonight and now he had to follow through with it…or was it unintentional? He was usually so sure of himself, but this boy from Ohio….oh, no, no, no! No one with that much passion, and the knowledge and ability to understand how to use it the way he did, was a mere boy. Kurt had revealed far more than he realized. He may think he was unsure of himself, and at 22 he was bound to be unsure of some things, but in truth he didn’t see what others saw in him. He seemed oblivious to his own unadorned and undisguised sensuality. He’d meant it when he’d told Kurt he thought he’d met his match in him.

He needed to talk to Kurt about Antonio. Maybe not all of it, but enough so that he wouldn’t hear it from someone else. Even though he knew he was finally moving on completely, Tonio would always be in his heart, his mind, everything that was Javi.

“Sure!” Kurt replied, not even close to being sure. But if Javi was willing to take that risk after what just happened, he knew it had to be important. No matter how spontaneous Javi thought he was, and he was loving his spontaneity because it was bringing out the spontaneity in himself that had felt dead for so long, he was careful, too, as in he cared enough to follow through on his promises to himself, no matter how difficult it was to walk that path. He sincerely hoped he was a match for Javi, as he’d said. He wanted that sense of certainty and strength that he saw in this sprite of a man who could go from playful to dead serious to breathtakingly passionate in the time it took to walk from You Are Here to….God! wherever they were now.

Chapter 24 – SING ME A SONG

They had decided to meet at one of the many small clubs in their part of the City in Motion as the locals sometimes called it. Javi had been asked to play there on Friday night and there wasn’t much that he liked doing more than entertaining, singing, and making people feel good. Adam and Ethan were going to be there, too; secretly, he thought he might be more excited about the prospect than even Kurt. Adam had been true to his word and revealed nothing about what he knew of Javi’s past and told Ethan to do the same. So many people knew him there, he didn’t know how Kurt was going to avoid finding out, but he wouldn’t be hearing it from him. Even though they’d only known each other for a week, just like he and Ethan, Kurt actually seemed alive again and he was not going to say or do anything that might jeopardize that.

Kurt had most of Friday free and Javi had some appointments and errands to occupy his day so they texted back and forth a bit, but mostly left each other alone. By some sort of mutual agreement that had originated somewhere in the stratosphere, as much as they wanted to be together every waking moment (and if they were totally honest, the hours they weren’t awake), they both knew that if what they wanted to achieve in this relationship was going to happen, they had to give each other space.

Kurt was still curious about the inner workings of Mateo and watching their videos also gave him a chance to see Javi without really being in his presence. He still felt a little guilty about that, but Javi seemed okay with it. He wanted to watch Javi from the start of his career. His desire to devour everything he could find about Javi was tempered by his absolute sense of fair play. He was seeing him sing live tonight anyway.

As he continued to watch Mateo in action, this time he chose some live performances that weren’t quite as intimate. Coleccionista de Canciones remained one of his favorites. He’d looked up the lyrics and could sort of sing it in Spanish, but knowing the depth of those words only fed his own soul. After watching them sing it in concert in Buenos Aires, watching the unspoken eye contact between Antonio and Javi, he decided to move on to some of their rockier performances.

He no longer felt a stab of jealousy watching them relating to each other, trading lyrics as if their minds and bodies were so attuned to each other they didn’t even have to think, and coming together in those powerful harmonies as if they were the only men on Earth, even in a stadium full of fans. He had looked into those steady, deep brown eyes himself and only hoped that as time went by, Javi would come to look at him, not exactly like he had looked at Antonio, but that he and Javi would develop their own silent communication. After studying Mateo, and Javi in particular for a couple hours, he looked up and realized he needed to get ready for tonight.

He’d spent some time after work at the Boutique Magnifique shopping for something interesting to add to his wardrobe…or maybe replace his wardrobe, now that he had some tips on what to look for. He’d talked with a couple of the guys he’d met at Cam’s party and they’d been very helpful and lots of fun to discuss fashion with.

He knew Javi would probably be at his bold and flamboyant best so he decided to go with what seemed to work best for him no matter what the situation. He pulled out a new black silk shirt with muted gold zippered pockets on each side of his chest and rolled up the sleeves to just below his elbows, then examined himself in the mirror with a critical eye from all angles. He contemplated his scarves and ties, pulled out five scarves and four ties and decided that the tie with the narrow stripes with a splash of sparkle to go with the gold zippers was what he liked best, and the tie was just narrow enough that he could wear it with the buttons undone, and went boldly where Kurt Hummel had not gone for probably two years. He unbuttoned the fourth button on his shirt and decided it revealed just enough chest hair to grab some attention, but not scream, “I’m too sexy for my shirt!” Besides, there was only one person’s attention that he wanted to grab….there were so many things about that person he wanted to grab….pants and shoes, Kurt! He had some flashy gold pants, but that would clash with what he was positive would be Javi’s clothing ensemble, so he reached for a pair of black moleskin pants, form-fitting naturally, and ankle boots to match. He searched through the earrings he’d replenished in his shopping, and held up a tiny black heart with an even tinier gold heart dangling from it. So far, so good! And while he was into new, he decided to wear his hair a bit differently. Sometimes he liked this look and sometimes not, but tonight his hair was cooperating, so he parted it in the middle and let the highlighted strands fall to either side of his forehead. He’d even bought some Versace Dylan Blue, his favorite. I’m ready! He thought, Look out, San Diego! He hadn’t felt so light-hearted since forever!

When he got to the club, named You Are Here revealing a yellow arrow pointing down on the door, he saw Adam and Ethan were already there, huddled in a cozy corner, their foreheads touching like they were in a conversation that Kurt didn’t want to be a part of. He waved to them, and they gave him a half-hearted wave to come over, but he just smiled and sat at the bar. He had just barely settled himself when he felt a pair of arms encircle his shoulders and heard the voice that had invaded his dreams every night for a week say, “Te ves y hueles a cielo, mi amor!’ He liked the “mi amor” part for sure, but the rest was…well, all Spanish to him! He turned and gave Javi a questioning look, “You look and smell like heaven,” he said just loud enough for Kurt to hear. Then, he leaned in and kissed him on the cheek as Kurt reached around and lightly wrapped his arm around Javi’s neck, and really got a look at Javi. His eyes widened and he didn’t know what to say, so he just put his hands together, his mouth forming a happy O revealing his dimples.”Javi! You look fabulous!” He wore a dusty blue and white summer suit jacket and pants to match in a leaf pattern, revealing his muscular build as usual, a bright white mesh shirt underneath with several very long silver chains that hung from his neck to his waist. He wore wide black and silver spiked bracelets on both arms and shoes that matched his suit perfectly. The hat was understated compared to some he had seen him wear, but it worked magnificently with what he wore and who he was. He gave Kurt that big Javi smile, and posing, asked, “You like, Kurtito??” He laughed as Kurt gave him another puzzled expression, “Oh, we Latinxs add -itos and -itas to everything I guess, but it’s a Spanish term of endearment, “My little Kurt!” Sort of like babe or baby in English.”

Yes! This was Javi, the entertainer, the singer, the man who was definitely on full power. He could hardly wait to hear him sing without a TV screen between him and his audience. As Javi got their drink orders, Kurt turned his attention to the stage. There was a guitar resting on its stand and two wooden stools on either side of the guitar. This place had a very cozy, almost homey feel to it, low lighting but not so low that you couldn’t see everything and everyone clearly. The small stage had soft backlighting to it and there was a small dance floor.

When Javi returned he said, “I have about 15 minutes, and I’m so glad you came!” For once Kurt was glad he didn’t work much on the weekends. The boutique employed several people, mostly because so many people liked working there and it provided an even better customer base with the employee discount. As in all retail, the weekends were busier and with commission you made more money, but those with seniority had their choice of the weekend hours if they wanted them. Kurt looked around and saw a crowd of about 75 to 100 people, guys mostly, but women as well. He looked at Javi and exclaimed, “You know all these people??” “Yeah, most of them live in the neighborhood. I get an occasional fan, but I don’t always advertise when I’m playing in town, unless the place I’m working at wants to. This is fun for me. I really don’t want to spend the night signing autographs. These people are my friends.” He looked over at the bartender who gave him a nod and Javi almost leapt from the bar stool as he said, “Showtime!” He kissed Kurt ever so lightly on his cheek and then he kissed the hand he’d been holding and walked to the stage.

As he got comfortable, another man joined him and picked up the guitar, taking a minute to make sure it was in tune. As the duo began to sing and play, the whole room went quiet. Now that was something Kurt rarely saw in any club, at least in New York, even with great music. Maybe it was the atmosphere or Javi or both.

As the hours slipped by, Javi would talk to Kurt during his breaks, and he introduced him to his guitarist, Julian. Julian was clothed in a solid blue shirt and cream-colored pants. He also wore a hat similar to Javi’s, but off-white compared to Javi’s blue. It was obvious they’d been doing this a while.

Javi and Julian had no set list, they just took requests, and they never lacked for what the crowd wanted to hear. Javi was finding it humorous and gratifying all at once that as he watched Kurt from the stage, occasionally, some poor soul would try to get him interested but it was obvious Kurt knew how to politely get rid of his admirers. Kurt loved what he was hearing and seeing; his attention rarely wavered from the stage.

Towards the end of the evening, after a bit of karaoke, Javi not minding sharing the spotlight at all, he looked up at Kurt and announced, “We have a couple of new friends among us, Adam Crawford and Kurt Hummel, who abandoned the warmer climes and ambience of New York City to join us here in San Diego!” Everyone laughed. Adam waved from the table in the corner and Kurt gave a half smile and waved.

“I happen to know that one of Kurt’s favorite Mateo songs is Coleccionista de Canciones, so if you know the words join us!” As Julian and Javi crooned the haunting song, Javi’s steady gaze never left Kurt’s lithe frame. When they’d finished, the hush of the room was palpable, and Javi finally said, “Most of mi amigos and amigas here know that that song has a very special place in my heart and always will, but it’s time for this Latinx to move on.”

“This is a song I wrote for my first solo release, but I never had anyone special enough to sing it to. I’ll sing it in English, which as most of you know does not always translate well into Spanish, but our new friends have not mastered the fine art of Spanglish, so….” he motioned for Kurt to come up to the stage. Kurt’s face literally froze as he looked around at the waiting audience, but shocked as he was he managed to walk to the stage. Julian moved from the stool next to Javi and he and his guitar moved to the foot of the stage.

As Julian began strumming the opening notes to whatever song Javi was planning on singing, Kurt felt like every ounce of air had been sucked from the room. Javi said, “Most of you know the name of the song in Spanish, but in English, the title is Nothing Around, a fine example of the elusive art of translation. He nodded at Julian and gently reached for Kurt’s hand.

The silence that followed was almost expectant. As Javi let go of Kurt’s hand and slowly took his eyes off of Kurt, he turned to the audience and quietly intoned, “Almost everyone here knows how long it has taken me to find my way back after the past 8 years, to find the right person to sing my love songs to, and maybe even with. This amazing man was not expecting to be the object of my song tonight, but that Latinx blood of mine found its way into my impulsive nature.” He turned to Kurt and sighed, “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable…”

Kurt was overwhelmed, but not unpleasantly so. He took Javi’s other hand and simply mouthed, “Thank you.”

And as if someone had announced some momentous event in history, the whole crowd erupted in claps and cheers; Javi had discovered someone to revive his broken heart, his broken life that he’d tried to hide for so long. The ghost of Antonio was vanishing and he was almost sure he could see him smile.

Javi had left Kurt’s at about midnight. He was still riding high on falling in love, lust, hormones and adrenaline. Kurt had certainly proven himself an equal in sensual exchange. He was almost sure it was there, but he didn’t expect Kurt to reveal it quite so soon. He was looking forward to that bit of competitiveness he saw…and felt. It added spice to a relationship…and it spoke of a willingness to try some things new and different, even a bit quirky?

They’d decided to take a break until Friday. Kurt had classes on Thursday and had to work a couple of hours, and although for the time being Javi’s schedule was open, that could change with one text or phone call. A couple months before he’d met Kurt, he’d come off a 6-month tour of all points Latin America with a few stops in the Southwestern US and California. His manager actually told him that he needed a lighter schedule for a while and Javi agreed. It gave him time to be creative, record or just be. In his business, burnout was a reality, and he certainly didn’t want to head toward that abyss.

After he got home, and had showered and eaten something, he settled into this godsend of a house he called home. It was just big enough to entertain, house some guests and allow him to indulge his purist musical heart. He’d created a studio and also a media room. Actually, the media room was the largest room in his abode. Sometimes when he surprisingly had a whole day alone with nothing that required his attention, he would sit in there listening to music, some new music to keep in touch with the latest, and read.

He was used to being up at all hours of the night, so he decided to do something he rarely did because it just brought back too much of a part of his life that had nearly destroyed him. But knowing that Kurt had been watching some of the videos from that time period, he wanted to try to see Mateo as Kurt might be seeing them…and him. He also thought it might take his mind off Kurt for a while and even maybe help him continue to heal and move forward. The plane of his way too long holding pattern had come to what felt like a crash landing that everyone survived, but that put them all in shock hoping for a quick recovery.

He had footage of every concert, every official video, every interview, the entire story of the first 7 years of Mateo. The second incarnation of Mateo wasn’t something he avoided, he just didn’t think about it much. But he wanted to see what Kurt might be seeing, so he brought up Youtube. Kurt had already told him he had steered clear of interviews and Wikis and he believed him. He told Javi it wasn’t fair to him since none of Kurt’s past, true or false, was available to Javi with just a few keystrokes. Not many were that considerate.

He started with viewing the videos from the unplugged MTV show they’d done. He watched the ones Kurt had mentioned and knowing how perceptive Kurt was he was sure he’d picked up on the nuances, the subtle looks between him and Tonio that sometimes said far more than the words they were singing, as beautiful as those words were. Only Rigo and a handful of their support staff had really known about Tonio and Javi…and if they did know they kept it to themselves, he assumed if for no other reason, than out of self-preservation. If anything scandalous involving Mateo was picked up on, and the group fell apart, so did their jobs.

Mexico was such a contradiction of views, it was hard to know where you would be accepted as yourself and where you would not. They had been very choosy about who their “friends” might be. Rather than reflect on some of the false friends, he closed his eyes and tried to remember the good times, some truly fantastic and magical times.

Their friends and coworkers often referred to Antonio and Javi as the Sun and Moon because of their first initials. Although Tonio was obviously the sun and Javi, the moon, the point was one of them was a fiery wheel coming to Earth blazing with pure heat. You either had to take Antonio as the glowing orb of fire he was or look away before the sight destroyed your eyesight. Javi was the moon, glistening with his sparkle and spangles, but cool and calming, waxing and waning slowly, like a constant you could depend on. His light rarely woke you up or startled you like Antonio’s could. His mind slowly came back to where he was and he prepared himself for what lay ahead.

He tried watching Mateo as Kurt might see them…him. He tried to be objective and for once he actually succeeded at times. Kurt and Tonio were both in his head, almost having a conversation about the man they both cared very much about. Yeah, it sounded weird, but he was an artist! He was supposed to think differently!

Probably the most intimate song they had ever sung together was Coleccionista de Canciones (Song Collector) and they hadn’t even written it. The idea had come to them during a particularly busy time on tour, barely sleeping, living on coffee and adrenaline. They rarely drank alcohol and Tonio hated drugs of any kind. He said it dulled your senses and killed creativity. They’d commissioned a couple of songwriters they knew and respected, gave them the basic idea and this song became a theme for Mateo, not just to them but for their audiences. The song had honestly started out as being about God or your Higher Power, whatever you wanted to call it/him/her/they, that they both believed guided their lives. In fact, Mateo meant “close to God.” And it certainly was all of that, but as they sang it night after night, the lyrics became so personal that there were moments when the silent communication underlying their relationship almost exploded with intensity and they could hardly look at each other. How can you be on stage singing a song with lyrics like “you give me reasons to live,” “make me feel so that I can discover the eternal feeling inside your mystery” “you, my madness, my calm and my delirium, my compass and my path, “turn the magic of ‘you’ into my soul’s breath, ” and his personal favorite, “you have filled time with your light in every corner,” with the love of your life sitting mere feet away consumed in his singing and piano playing, yet looking right at you and into your soul? They had been like two halves of a whole and that is what made Mateo so successful. That, and Rigo’s quiet, yet ardent, skills on the guitar. A triangle, then, that fit together impeccably.

He knew Kurt wasn’t blind and certainly not insensate. Either he would ask at some point or it might be deferred until they knew each other well enough to talk about their past loves. For him there was only one, but he was unsure about Kurt. All he knew about Kurt’s past in that regard was that he had been very deeply wounded. He hoped to be a part of a conduit to healing for him.

He laid down on the brown leather sectional and closed his eyes. He was so pleasantly tired. Kurt’s voice swam lazily through his mind like a symphony of words and the sensation of hearing and feeling him whisper his name. It was intentional and spiritually erotic the way he had let Javi know that he wasn’t just interested in the public persona of “Javi.” He was interested in building the foundation they had talked about, that started with Javier Ramos Ruiz and Kurt Hummel. One growing up in Quintana Roo, Mexico and the other growing up in Lima, OH.

Javi growing up in a strict, church-going family, their faith defining every word and action, making his escape inevitable just by the nature of who he really was that they could not accept. They would say “what” he really was, a gay pop singer, although none of them ever asked or talked about his sexual orientation, being a pop singer was almost the equivalent in their eyes.

Kurt growing up basically without a mother, raised by his father, struggling to be true to himself in school and suffering for it. Moving to New York in search of his identity and his future.

And here they were, the two converging in San Diego, both finding something essential in the other. Javi had never lost his faith in God, never. He knew he had been created for a purpose. Meeting Kurt was no accident, no meaningless twist of fate. Kurt was created for a purpose, too, and he was hoping against hope that they were created to share a camino comun, a common path.

CHAPTER 22 – FALLING FAST WITHOUT A PARACHUTE

The four of them arrived at Cam’s around 7:30. They’d all met in front of Kurt and Adam’s building, walking to Cam’s place about 4 blocks away. They went through the introductions as Adam tried not to appear starstruck. Ethan already knew Javi from the neighborhood and had told Adam that he was just a regular guy. A regular guy who just happened to be someone Adam had never seen outside of music videos. Even when he lived in Texas he hadn’t gone to any Mateo concerts. They were never close enough to Amarillo for him to go. Kurt had told him that when Javi was in town he sometimes played at the local bars and clubs for fun and Adam was looking forward to that.

Kurt thought Ethan seemed like a nice guy, but only time would tell what was ahead for Adam and Ethan, just like he and Javi. When they got to the party there were about 40 people there! On a Wednesday night! San Diego was so much more laid back than New York. As big as New York was with its constant nightlife, big or small parties on a weeknight didn’t happen much; most people were too focused on work to party during the week.

Everyone knew Javi, of course, and most knew Ethan, so it wasn’t hard meeting anyone. Javi was trying not to overwhelm Kurt with 40 names and faces. He introduced him to a few of his closer friends and then made it a point to talk to each of them individually so Kurt could get a feel for each person. Almost everybody was male and gay, but there were a few women, and maybe even a couple of straight guys, and after about half an hour of the old meet and greet, he asked Kurt what he’d like to drink and left him at a small table with a couple of friends he’d introduced him to.

He had to laugh at himself. He was almost hyperaware of everyone, and especially the guys, checking Kurt out, even some who were in committed relationships. There was just no way to get around it. Once you got a look at Kurt, unless you were totally blind or oblivious to “it,” you could not stop looking, if for no other reason than those eyes! He knew what Kurt had said about an exclusive relationship and he believed him, even though he hadn’t even known him for a week, but other than Tonio, his experience with commitment wasn’t exactly vast. For the first time he could ever remember he was more concerned about his boyfriend being able to handle the time apart than he was about himself being able to handle it. But for now, he was kind of enjoying these guys checking out his boyfriend. Sure, it had happened with both he and Tonio, but they were together so much it was never really much of an issue.

When he got back, Kurt was in conversation with Craig, one of the guys who sometimes served as a backup singer for a variety of acts. The only topic of conversation Craig even cared about was music, anything and everything about music, so Kurt was probably learning more about the music business than he’d ever wanted or hoped to. He seemed to be having a good time though.

When Javi sat down and handed Kurt his drink, he joined in the conversation, while watching Kurt at the same time. He was becoming an expert at this. It had been so long since he’d even cared who he was looking at and now he could barely look away! He’d never seen him in a real social situation and he loved observing people anyway. Kurt was listening without interrupting and when Craig questioned him about life in New York and going to NYADA, Kurt considered every answer. Obviously he’d loved NYADA as a place to really grow and learn, but he and Adam had both tired of New York, he explained. Javi already knew some of this story, so he sat back with his Coke and watched…again. Would he ever get tired of watching? Not today he wouldn’t, so he listened and contemplated…just doing some Hummel gazing!

His voice was almost hypnotic at times, the pitch just soothed him. Kurt had told him he sang a lot at NYADA and Javi was looking forward to hearing him sing….anything. Just to listen to that voice. His eyes progressed down the length of Kurt’s body and he had to stop himself from laughing. Apparently, Kurt was getting quite comfortable here! Good! He had slipped his shoes off and had his ankles crossed, his feet resting on the patio tiles. Kurt’s toes were quite lovely long toes, but he had quite sizable feet. And, Javi thought, well, ya know what they say about men with big feet? And then quickly let the thought go before he really did laugh! Was he really thinking that? Well, maybe the real question was if he wasn’t thinking that, why not?Even though Javi had nothing he had to do the next day, he knew Kurt had some classes in the morning that started early, so even though Ethan and Adam decided to stay a little longer, Kurt and Javi said their good-byes, Kurt exchanging numbers with a few.

Another gorgeous San Diego night accompanied them back to Kurt’s place, but as Javi prepared to say his good night, give Kurt a kiss and leave, Kurt stopped him.

“Would you like to come up for a while? I don’t have a class until 9.” He caught Kurt’s eye and looked at him for a minute, then said, “Are you sure?” Kurt, appearing to throw caution to the wind replied, “Sure! It’s not that late.” Javi knew better. Neither of them were really concerned with the hour and he knew Kurt was not throwing caution to the wind either. He was being deliberate. “I just don’t want the night to end yet,” he sort of shrugged.

Javi had heard what he needed to hear. This was not an invitation to anything but I want to spend more time with you and he would make sure that’s exactly what they did, spent time together, reaching toward the foundation of what they were building, with maybe a touch of frosting, but nothing else. They might as well get used to this. He remembered what it had been like doing this with Tonio. At times, it was almost painful, but it was worth it all. Their relationship had been rock solid. He nodded and Kurt took his hand as they walked into the foyer, taking the elevator up, where Kurt unlocked their door.

As he looked around, he could see so much of what he believed to be Kurt’s touch. Solid, bold colors, with hints of glitter. A touch of subtlety added with prints and some small paintings. It was just what he would expect. He didn’t know Adam’s tastes, and he wondered, which one of them was the person who made the kitchen look like something out of House Beautiful. Simplicity with a sparkle!

Kurt asked if he wanted a Coke or something a bit stronger. He said Coke would be fine. Adding alcohol to this mix of time alone together in such an intimate setting was definitely not a good idea. Kurt went into the kitchen, got their drinks, and quickly texted Adam, “Give me some time alone,” their code for “I’m not alone.” He didn’t think he’d used that since he’d arrived in San Diego and not that much in New York for that matter, except when he actually wanted some time alone. He got a thumbs up in reply and went back into the living room with his Diet Coke and Javi’s regular.

They sat down on the couch and Kurt asked if Javi would like some music? He said, “Sure! As long as it’s not me or Mateo! I love them both,” he laughed, “but how do you feel about some classical?” Kurt put on some Orpheus Chamber Music and the room filled with the sweeping but soothing tones.

Javi laid his head back and sighed, “This is perfect. The perfect ending to a more than perfect day.” Kurt joined him and again he felt like he was somewhere other than the planet Earth, sitting here, touching Javi’s hand and breathing in the music, the man beside him, content with the turn his life had taken. Javi slowly slipped his hand from Kurt’s and slid his arm around Kurt’s shoulders, moved to his side and Kurt rested his head on Javi’s shoulder while Javi rested his head on Kurt’s. “It’s all a little much to take in, isn’t it? Kurt, you are not alone in this. I can’t believe that only a few days ago I was living life thinking not at all about finding someone. I went to The Rafters because it’s kind of like home to me when I need some company. And then there you were. And there I was and todo cambio (everything changed)! Oh, my, my, todo cambio!” He smiled.

Kurt smiled, too. Definitely, todo cambio! everything changed! He was falling fast, without a parachute. He looked up at Javi and slowly turned as he took him into his arms, and looked at his face, so intent, yet so relaxed all at the same time. He leaned his forehead against Javi’s, wrapped his arms around his neck and drew him towards him, closing his eyes, reaching for those blue-black curls he’d wanted to touch, to entwine his fingers in for what seemed like forever. Even his hair smelled heavenly; Sauvage in French, wild in English. He kind of hoped that Javi’s taste in cologne reflected one of the many things he saw in himself. He kissed Javi the same way Javi had kissed him…was it only earlier today? Moving his lips from the top of his head to his chin, with a twist. As Kurt advanced his kisses over those elegant, high cheekbones reaching an ear, he took that oh so sensitive earlobe softly between his teeth, then lightly skimmed the tip of his tongue around the inside rim of Javi’s ear, in no hurry to move on. He barely whispered Javi’s full name into each ear, “Javier. Ramos. Ruiz.” pausing between each utterance. Then holding his face lightly, he traced his fingers along Javi’s jaw line until he reached his chin again. He barely caressed his lips as he murmured, “Javier. Ramos. Ruiz.” again, his breath warm on his mouth. As he felt Javi wanting to respond to his kiss, he stopped him just as he had been stopped earlier in the day. As he heard Javi’s quiet moan, allowing Kurt to take the lead, he increased the pressure on Javi’s lips as he opened his mouth with just the tip of his tongue, showing him he was indeed a fast learner. And something else, Javi thought, as he surrendered to Kurt’s kiss. Ah….a bit competitive, he liked that, wanting to show Javi that not only was he a fast learner, but that he had more than just a passing knowledge of sensuality. He was intrigued to say the least! Kurt was only 22, but someone had helped him to learn the art, the dance of true intimacy.

CHAPTER 21 – A WALK IN THE PARK

Javi was subtly trying to observe Kurt as they ambled along some trails in the park. He hadn’t planned on ending his object lesson the way he had, but he had no regrets. He had wanted to kiss him exactly like that practically from the moment they’d met at The Rafters. Kurt was nothing short of mesmerizing. In fact, he had a very hard time coming up with words to describe him. The ultimate oxymoron, a singer/songwriter without adequate words. The fact that he seemed totally unaware of his own beauty only made Javi want him more.

The first thing that caught his attention when they’d met other than his eyes….who had eyes like that, really…no one he ever knew…was the symmetry of his face. Bone structure that would make any Latinx weep, which might sound strange to many, but people had commented on his own bone structure so many times that now he unconsciously studied it in every person he met. And his skin…flawless, and yes, porcelain was the only way he could describe it, and not just his skin. Sometimes in looking at Kurt, he wanted to gather him into his arms protectively because he seemed so fragile, almost delicate, and so, so vulnerable.

Javi knew better though. Kurt was a very strong, intense man. Anyone who could cry in front of someone they’d only known for 5 days was the strongest kind of person.

How could he have been so lucky? Any man at The Rafters could have had Kurt, if Kurt wanted, that is. Forget The Rafters! Any man who ever encountered Kurt would want him…but for what was always going to be the question for Kurt. This man with the, what was it the Beatles had used to describe the eyes in Lucy in The Sky with Diamonds? Kaleidoscope….that’s what Kurt was, a man with kaleidoscope eyes. This man who had that something…just look at him! In his admittedly overactive imagination, he could see Kurt’s well-defined muscles, his hair in total disarray, in a moment of complete abandon, Kurt’s body blending with his own….and that would happen at the right moment in time. He had to turn away from looking at him. This was going to be so difficult, but so worth it.

His mind strayed for a while as he remembered Antonio…passionate, fiery Tonio who had taught him how to love. He’d met him when Javi was 18 and had just arrived in Mexico City knowing no one. He was doing some backup singing in the studio where Antonio worked. Even though Antonio was only 19, he was already well known in the Latinx music world. Some called him a musical genius. He saw Tonio watching through the window that divided the recording equipment and the studio as they rehearsed the song again and again until everyone was pretty sure it was perfect. As he was getting ready to leave, Tonio had slipped into studio room 2 and introduced himself to Javi. They went to dinner that night and the rest as they say was history. And what a history it was. Neither could have predicted or imagined what happened, not just musically, but emotionally, romantically. He suddenly realized what he was doing and quickly looked at Kurt again to remind him that this beautifully unexpected surprise of a man was his present and his future, he hoped.

Kurt looked over at Javi. He could tell his mind was elsewhere, but he really didn’t want to know where. He’d only felt able to look at Javi when Javi had finally taken his eyes off of him. It was delicious to be with someone again in silence, at ease in each other’s company. He didn’t want to analyze, overthink and/or dissect as he was wont to do. He just wanted to enjoy Javi’s company and take all of him in again. Everything about Javi said, “I know who I am.” Javi loved himself enough to be able to love someone else. Kurt knew how valuable that was. Some people never discovered the necessity of that knowledge.

Javi seemed to come back from wherever his mind had gone and smiled up at Kurt saying, “Sorry, got lost in my head for a minute.” Kurt was actually glad that he had had that time to just take in all that was Javi without him noticing. It gave him the courage to ask, “Javi, besame…umm…,” he closed his eyes trying to remember the words he’d recently learned, but before he could finish the sentence, Javi had taken him into his arms and as if reading his mind, kissed him over and over again, recklessly, relinquishing all thought but, “Si, voy a besarte una y otra vez hasta que me ruegues que pare, mi amor!”

I will kiss you again and again until you beg me to stop, my love!