CHAPTER 15 HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY

CHAPTER 15 – HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY

“The perfect day in San Diego! There’s a park not far from here. Would you like to go sit in the sun and forget the rest of the world exists for a while or do you have plans?” He wanted to give Kurt an out if he needed one, hoping not only that he didn’t need one but that he didn’t even want one. Kurt said he would just text Adam in case he came home and wondered where Kurt was. Kurt not being home, other than for school and work, was a rarity. He really hoped Adam was having as much fun as he was. They both deserved it.

As they took their time walking, falling into easy conversation about Kurt’s current job, what classes he was taking, how glad he was not to be facing another winter in New York, and what additions or subtractions he might want to make to his wardrobe, Javi again lightly reached for Kurt’s fingers, not his hand, just his fingers. Kurt had no idea why, but for whatever reason that whisper of a touch felt more like a jolt of lightning even more than if Javi was holding his hand.

When they arrived at the park, Kurt still found it strange that there were so few trees. In New York there were some parks even in the city that were akin to small forests. Here, trees were planted intentionally, and a person could easily soak up the sun. That was something Kurt hadn’t really taken into consideration much when they’d moved. He had such fair skin, he had to be careful, burning and freckles were a real concern to him. Who wanted to be a 20-something with freckles?

Javi said, “Do you mind sitting on the grass? It’s just something I really like to do.” Kurt decided with his black jeans it probably wouldn’t matter. It wasn’t like they were going to play tackle football. Javi took off his fuchsia jacket, laid it on the park bench revealing a black muscle shirt. Kurt almost had to look away! He had a body that would not quit! Of course, that had been obvious even with the jacket on, but he really knew how to take care of himself…and to show it off to optimum effect. It had quite the effect on Kurt for sure! And with the jacket off his tight pants left little to the imagination, not that Kurt minded; he didn’t feel like being imaginative.

Javi sat cross-legged on the grass and then handed Kurt his hat. Kurt gave him an inquiring look as Javi said, “If you’re going to live in San Diego with porcelain skin you have to learn to take care of it! Here, use my hat. Obviously, I don’t have porcelain skin. Hats with wide brims might be a necessity for your wardrobe. And I have a feeling you’d look awesome in hats.” He said it so matter-of-factly, as if it wasn’t a personal thing to share your most noticeable fashion statement with someone else and Kurt put it on without further thought. Actually, he knew he looked good in hats. And, Javi looked just as good without one. Those long blue-black curls. He wanted to reach out and touch them, but…..After they were settled, Kurt turned to Javi and said, “I’ve been doing all the talking so far, it’s your turn.” “Fair enough, what do you want to know?”

“No, no, no, not again,” Kurt smiled, “tell me whatever you want to.” Javi was not quite prepared for that, so he looked down at the grass for a while, and then looked up at Kurt with that steady, level gaze. It almost felt like a dare. “Dating scares the hell out of me.”

No!!!! I didn’t really say that!!!! Kurt was so taken aback, but he managed to keep it together enough to say, “Well, let’s not be shy! It scares the hell out of me, too. But do you have any better suggestions for how to get to know each other?” and kind of smirked. Suddenly, this whole conversation had taken a pivot off into outer space.

No going back now, Javi’s brain screamed at him. “I guess I should explain and hope it makes sense. My schedule is really not much of a schedule. Sometimes I’m here for weeks or months and sometimes I spend the same amount of time in Mexico City or traveling on tour or going to play at music festivals or wherever. It’s the nature of what I do for a living. Dating is not always conducive to that kind of life. I guess I just wanted you to know some of the pitfalls to having a relationship with me. And maybe it’s too soon, I don’t know, but I’ve spent the last 7 years building my own career outside of Mateo. I’ve tried dating before and it’s not that it never works. It’s that I’m always afraid I’m going to let someone down if the reality of that kind of relationship ends up hurting them.”

He sighed and laced his fingers into Kurt’s, “I don’t like hurting people and I especially don’t like hurting people who wander into my life unexpectedly like you did. I’ll be honest, Kurt, maybe brutally honest, but I like everything about you. I like your honesty. I like your inquisitiveness. Your sensitivity. You’re intelligent and you have a real sense of humor and that’s a big turn-on for me. And to be even more brutally honest, you’re exquisitely, heartbreakingly beautiful, not just handsome, you’re the most physically beautiful man I think I’ve ever met. To put it in abbreviated English, you are hot! In Spanish, eres caliente!” Kurt was hardly breathing. He wasn’t sure he’d ever breath again, but whether he died right here or not, he had to say something, but what? What does a person say to such openness, especially when he knew he felt exactly the same way about Javi with some minor alterations such as I like the fact that we share a love of music, your outspokenness, the fact that you care enough about my feelings to get what may be the most important part of a relationship out in the open instead of waiting 6 months or a year from now to see if it “might” not work. Of course, no matter what they said today, it actually might not work, but at least they’d talked about it.

Kurt unlaced their fingers and took both of Javi’s hands. If this man could be that brave, he could be, too. He may be young, but he was almost sure he’d never really been a child. He didn’t want to hurt or be hurt either, but he knew he honestly wanted to give this a try.

He took a deep breath, looked at Javi and they exchanged the same level gaze, glasz eyes to deep brown, and Kurt said..He stopped for a moment, attempted to speak, and then took another breath. “Javi, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate what you call your brutal honesty. But, it’s not…brutal, I mean. What would be brutal is if you didn’t bother to try to discuss this with me beforehand. So, I’ll be as honest with you as you’ve been with me, I hope. In watching your videos last night, the thought of what your lifestyle might be like and how it could affect a relationship did not escape me. There is not a single thing I don’t like about you, but I know that that is the way relationships usually start out. Watching you last night was sort of….a delicious sort of agony. You have such a beautiful smile that is irresistible. The way you move is so, so sensual. Your eyes…speak is the only way I can say it. And yes, you are definitely, undoubtedly hot in any language!”

Having said that, if you’re willing to take a chance on me, a drama student who really doesn’t know where his life is going, only that’s it’s going somewhere, then I’m willing to do the same for you in your vagabond lifestyle. If we are going to be a “we” of any kind it has to start somewhere. So, here we are. What are you thinking?”

As his eyes softened, he gave Kurt an almost shy smile, showing off that dimple again, and said, “I’m glad you didn’t go straight for the interviews and Wikis..” Then, he leaned over and kissed him on both cheeks and ever so softly on the lips.