CHAPTER 2 THE BEGINNING?

Their destination was a local dance studio that Bryan had been attending twice a week since he was five. On Sundays, they encouraged current students to bring friends to the studio at no charge. It not only kept their long-time students interested but allowed their curious friends to sample what the studio had to offer, frequently turning them into new students. In short, it was good for business.

Secretly, Blaine would be thrilled to take dance lessons, but convincing his dad wouldn’t be easy, even if it might assist him as a Warbler. The arts, or as his dad liked to call his interest, song and dance, was an acceptable extracurricular for high school, after all Dalton Academy didn’t have any competitive sports teams. But as a lifetime career? He was pretty sure he’d rather see Blaine as a janitor at the hospital before he would consider entertainment a viable future occupation for his only son. And he was equally sure that the concept of having a passion or a sense of destiny with regard to your life’s work was completely foreign to him. In his dad’s mind, your career, what got you out of bed in the morning, was all about making money and prestige in the business world.

Kurt had spent at least an hour and a half trying to create a “look.” The three-sided full-length mirror allowed him a 3D view. The star-sparkled deep blue bedspread was covered with clothing he’d tossed aside as just not quite right. Casual was not his favored choice, but casual was what this get-together called for. After casting aside one more pair of jeans, he decided on the dark blue, form-fitting pair he’d just purchased. A white pullover with thin horizontal stripes in a variety of colors completed the outfit. Accessories, hmmmm…..no, not a watch, but he picked up one of his favorite necklaces. It was such a meaningful gift from his father. And he needed it just as much today as he had the night he’d “come out” to his dad. It was a short necklace with a thin gold chain. The pendant spelled the word “COURAGE” in different shades of blue. Hair up? Hair down? He settled on down. If today’s tutorial was anything like practicing with Finn alone, they’d end up falling all over each other and sweat was inevitable. After turning, straightening, and making faces at the mirror, he slipped on a pair of stark white tennies with gold-sparkled laces.”Kurt, come on!” Finn yelled from the top of the stairs, “We’re practicing dancing, not getting married! You’ve been down there for almost two hours!” Kurt sighed; Finn would never understand the importance of presentation and style. This might be his one and only chance with Mr. Gorgeous. He waved at himself as he turned away from the mirror, ascending the stairs to meet his impatient brother. Finn laughed, “Two hours for that? Let’s go, we’re going to be late!”

They’d all brought light sweats. Finn had to hand it to Kurt. When it came to clothing, he was always in character. His baggy sweats looked like someone had tie-dyed them with teal and yellow or like he’d been busy painting his bedroom just before they left the house. The guy-type greetings over with, they started with a few warm ups. Bryan had brought a video from a Warblers performance done when he was a newbie freshman figuring it would be easier to practice to some sort of an example.

After viewing the video all the way through a few times, Bryan took the lead attempting to show them how to dance in a straight line beside each other. Wow! Bryan thought, this is like revealing how to walk on a round Earth when all you’d ever known was the idea that the Earth was flat. The mirrored walls definitely helped, but Finn, Blaine and Kurt kept tumbling into each other, falling on the floor laughing and getting up to try again. Well, their student teacher thought, at least they’re persistent! And Kurt and Blaine didn’t exactly mind tumbling into each other; it broke some of the tension. Bryan smiled to himself. If this was a representation of their competition from McKinley, the Warblers’ only real competition was Audio Adrenaline. A short hour later, done with their first lesson, typical of all teenage boys, they were famished. What better place than Breadsticks to load up on carbs! It was just past lunchtime so the restaurant shouldn’t be overly crowded.

Again, being maneuvered into sitting beside each other, Kurt and Blaine chatted a bit more easily than they had during that first awkward meeting, while Bryan and Finn studiously ignored them, talking sports. Trying to find things in common wasn’t that hard. After singing, favorite movies became a conversational topic. As Blaine described some intriguing scenes from a movie Kurt had already seen, he took the opportunity to quietly observe. Those curls! Black as a starless night. What would it feel like to slowly run his fingers through them? And those expressive hazel eyes surrounded by thick black lashes. For a minute he focused on his lips as Blaine spoke about this or that detail and Kurt attempted to drag his mind back to what Blaine was saying. He didn’t want Blaine to think he was boring him. He wasn’t! There was nothing boring about watching Blaine Anderson. After exhausting the discussion of movies, Kurt brought up acting. Both had discovered a love for the stage, acting in a handful of high school plays and even some community theatre.

Kurt glanced in Blaine’s direction wondering if he had the courage to ask. Almost every Sunday night, he went to a movie. Sunday nights were usually slow. It was somewhere he could go to enjoy himself without having to deal with those who delighted in making his life a misery…and the tickets were half price! Sure, he could just as easily watch at home, but there was something about the feeling of going to a theatre, any kind of theatre. The idea of inviting Blaine to join him that evening was like a motion picture in his head. He ran his fingers over the word COURAGE and nervously inquired if he’d like to go with him. Blaine looked down at his hands and then glanced up at Kurt again, “Yeah, it sounds like fun!” Blaine managed. Kurt silently prayed he could get Finn to let him use his car.

When Finn and Kurt got home they found a blue Post-It note on the kitchen table from Burt and Carole. They’d gone to a movie themselves and told them if they weren’t back in time for dinner, there was a casserole and salad in the fridge. Finn said, “I guess I better get that science paper that I’ve been putting off done,” and started for his bedroom.

“Wait! Finn…I want to talk about something. It’ll only take a minute. What would you think about taking dance lessons? It’s pretty obvious we suck and maybe if we do it some of the others in Glee Club will want to do it, too. It certainly can’t hurt us.” Surprisingly, Finn seemed to be giving it serious consideration, “Let me think about it, K, football is keeping me pretty busy right now, because we suck at that, too,” he laughed.

“Um, and one other thing…would you mind if I borrowed the car tonight?” “I thought you liked walking to the movies…” “I do, but I sort of asked Blaine to go with me and I need to pick him up.” It took everything Finn had not to tease Kurt about his “date.” As far as Finn knew it was Kurt’s first real date, and gay or straight, a first date was one of those milestones you didn’t even realize was that important until afterwards. Finn simply wished him luck and handed over the keys. Fortunately, his dad was used to him going out on Sunday evening, so if he was home by then, there would be no embarrassing questions he had to answer. True, he rarely drove himself, enjoying the leisurely nighttime walk. But preempting that for a date with Blaine wasn’t a difficult choice.

He finished the last of his homework, checking it over twice because his lack of focus was apparent the first time he’d reviewed it. Only two hours left. He had time to heat up Carole’s cheesy chicken casserole, but once it was ready, he discovered he was too nervous to eat much. He took a few bites, and then turned his attention to the salad. It was lighter fare. Maybe he’d manage to eat more of that.

As he pulled into the half-moon drive in front of Blaine’s house, he saw him waving from the front porch. Blaine ambled over to the car, opening the door as Kurt took a deep breath hoping he hadn’t made a huge mistake.

Finding seats towards the back of the darkened theatre, they looked around, hoping to find no one they knew. There were only a few people scattered around them, and they both relaxed. Sitting in the dark with each other, sharing the popcorn, being extra careful their hands didn’t touch, was an agonizing form of delicious. Less than a week ago their contact had consisted of overheard conversations in line waiting for coffee and glancing at each other from different tables trying to appear as if they weren’t.

This movie had gotten mixed reviews, but Kurt had found over the years that sometimes those were the most interesting ones. But not this time, boring didn’t even begin to describe it. The plot was more like a plod. After struggling for an hour to gain some interest, he glanced over at Blaine and when he sensed Kurt’s eyes on him, he looked up. “Pretty boring, huh?” Kurt whispered even though hardly anyone else was in the theatre. Blaine smiled and nodded, “Yeah, very boring.” “How ’bout we go get something to eat. Do you like Sonic?” Even if Blaine hadn’t liked Sonic he would have gone anyway. A chance to sit in the car and actually have a conversation with Kurt was too tempting!

Sonic was Kurt’s go-to for hamburgers and fries or an occasional corn dog. He could sit in the car and listen to music without being disturbed. And he loved the old-fashioned drive-in where they employed carhops to deliver your food. Some had become so familiar with Kurt, that if they had a few minutes when they wouldn’t be missed, they’d strike up a short conversation. He could be so cute and funny! More than a few of the teenage girls secretly wished he wasn’t gay.

After their food had been delivered, they chatted back and forth around their hamburgers and fries and since Sonic wasn’t all that busy on a Sunday evening, they lingered at their station in the parking lot. Suddenly, Kurt’s appetite was back. He asked Blaine if he’d like a shake, getting the attention of Omnia, one of his favorite carhops. Kurt asked for chocolate, Blaine asked for strawberry, and as they waited, they listened to the music Kurt had left on low to cover up any uncomfortable silences. There were only a few, but in the middle of just such a silence, Blaine wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and looked stealthily at Kurt who appeared to be busy watching the people in the next car order, anything to avoid this awkwardness. “Kurt…..is it okay if I ask you something? It’s pretty personal….and you don’t have to answer…just tell me it’s none of my business, but….”Kurt was hoping Blaine would be the first one to bring the subject up. Since Blaine wasn’t out, for Kurt to bring up “coming out” or “being out” would have seemed presumptuous, but Blaine asking Kurt was something else. Kurt was obviously out and not ashamed of it. “Go ahead, Blaine. I’m not easily offended and I didn’t just invite you out because I had no one else to go with. I’m used to being alone.” “Ummm….okay, well, what was it like to come out?” Blaine struggled to get the words out. In the years since he’d revealed his being gay, not once had anyone ever asked him that question, probably because there weren’t that many gays in Lima that were out. Most of the guys he was pretty certain were gay avoided him as if any contact whatsoever would brand them by association. And, sadly, they weren’t far from right! Lima was just big enough to offer the amenities of a large city and just small enough to live by the gossip mill.

“What is it like?” Kurt paused, looking upwards as if seeking divine intervention, “It’s freeing….it’s painful…sometimes it keeps me awake at night….sometimes it helps me sleep like a baby. It’s hard not being accepted, but it’s better than not accepting yourself. It almost killed me when I told my dad, but I just couldn’t pretend anymore. As it turned out, it was no surprise to him. He said he’d known since I was a little kid. But after my mom died, he didn’t remarry until recently, so it was just the two of us. I was so young when she died, it was much harder on him than me. But there’d been a wall between us that came crashing down when I finally said the words, I’m gay, dad. The truth almost always brings people closer, but it comes with a price.”

Blaine let out a huge sigh. “God! I can’t even imagine telling my dad….ever. And I know there are a few gay guys at Dalton, but other than Sebastian, none are out that I’m aware of. I’m pretty sure it’s easier at an all boys school than in a public school, am I right? Did you know I was gay? And what made you think I was?” Blaine didn’t even realize what he’d said, admitting his sexual orientation for the first time to someone he barely knew.

Kurt didn’t say anything for a while, “No….I didn’t know for sure which is unusual. I have fine-tuned gaydar after almost three years. I don’t know if there was anything specific about you, really. Maybe I was just hoping. Maybe it was because it didn’t take me long to realize that you were behind me in line at the Lima Bean almost every day for the last two months and I didn’t think that was exactly a coincidence.” Kurt shot a shy smile in Blaine’s direction.

“So, you did initiate our meeting? You wanted to meet me?” Kurt laughed, “Well, I didn’t actually initiate it, not in the way it happened anyway. I just asked Finn to snoop around a little hoping someone else knew. I was a little miffed at him for that surprise attack, but I got over it. So, yeah, in a way I did initiate it.” Blaine let out the breath he’d been holding, “Kurt, I like you, even though I don’t really know you yet. The fact that you have the courage to come out like you have? I need some of that…I need something. I mean, I’m only 14…almost 15, but I don’t want to live this way…once I saw you…,” he stopped there, realizing he might be saying more than either of them was ready for. Kurt held out the pendant on his necklace, the “coming out” gift from his dad, “My dad gave this to me after I told him I was gay. It’s no magic charm, but it reminds me of what it takes to be gay in this world. And obviously I like you…and I’d like to get to know you better, but are you really ready for that? I mean people will talk about us hanging out together because everyone can see I’m gay. And what about your parents? Even though you haven’t actually told them, if either of them is as perceptive as my dad, they already know. Do you like me enough for that?”

This was something Blaine had been thinking about ever since laying eyes on Kurt. He had some new friends at Dalton, some of which he suspected were gay, but it wasn’t common knowledge, not like Kurt, not like Sebastian. “Um….I’ve been thinking about that a lot…and I want to be ready..I have to be ready sometime. I know it’s not the best way to start a relationship, but would you consider seeing each other….I don’t know…I guess quietly at first? Just until we get to know each other better?”

“Honestly, my parents are pretty oblivious.” Blaine continued. “My dad has to travel a lot with his job and my mom has already done what she always does after a move, joined a bunch of charitable causes and organizations. When it comes to me, all they seem to care about is that I keep my grades up, that I participate in “acceptable” extracurriculars and I don’t wander outside the boxes they’ve created for me. And yes, us being….something other than friends would absolutely be outside their boxes….but Kurt….”

Kurt’s eyes never left Blaine’s as he listened, “We could….for a little while I guess….but I’ve spent most of my life pretending; I don’t want to start that all over again. We could always hang out at my house. Finn knows what’s up and dad will probably be able to guess, but he would never “out” anybody. Neither would my stepmom for that matter. We could meet in groups, like the Glee Club or like we did today with Finn and Bryan. Probably not safe to hang out with the other Warblers since Sebastian is out. He’d pick up on it right away, I’m sure, and Finn told me he’s been following you around like a lost puppy. Sebastian wouldn’t think twice about “outing” someone if it served his purposes or if he got jealous and just wanted to be mean.”

Kurt tentatively took one of Blaine’s shaky hands. “I’ve never been in a romantic relationship. I’ve had crushes…in fact, last year I had one on Finn,” he laughed. “How about you?”

Blaine looked at his lap, “No….never, but I think I’d like to be.” Kurt held his hand a moment longer and said, “Yeah, me, too.”

After talking a while longer, neither really wanting to end the evening yet, they exchanged phone numbers and even made up a few code texts they could use, especially for Blaine. Although Kurt accepted what he’d said about his parents being oblivious, he knew things could change. Like it or not, parents had access to all of their information if they wanted it badly enough. They made another tentative “date” for the following Saturday night at Kurt’s house and would keep in touch during the week by text.

Driving back to Blaine’s, they sang along to the music on the radio, Kurt still holding Blaine’s hand. He knew he should have both hands on the steering wheel, but….he didn’t want to let go. He felt the need to reassure Blaine. He understood all too well what it felt like to wonder day and night what to say, how to say it…and then wondering what everyone’s reaction would be. And then after you knew all of that, you had to confront all of the demons that existed outside your family circle. In Lima, there were definitely enough demons to go around and then some.

When he arrived at Blaine’s house, he shut off the car for a minute. He turned those earnest kaleidoscope eyes to Blaine’s and smiled. “Blaine, none of this is going to be easy….not even close. Even after you come out, we’re both going to have to find a way to deal with what it’s like to be a couple, if we get that far….and I hope we do. But, please, whatever happens, trust me enough to tell me what you’re feeling, even if you think I won’t like it. It’s hard enough being gay without pretending something’s okay when it’s really not. And I promise I’ll be just as honest with you, okay?”

Blaine blinked a couple of times and nodded. Looking into those eyes was like drowning in a sea made up of every color in the Crayola box. He knew his heart was already in deeper than it should be, but he couldn’t help how he felt. Kurt looked around and asked, “Are your parents home? I mean, can they see us?” Blaine knew his dad was still out of town because the garage door was open. And he could tell his mom was upstairs by the light glowing from the tiny bathroom window. “My mom is, but she can’t see us from upstairs.” Kurt leaned across the console, touched Blaine’s cheek with one hand and kissed him softly on the other cheek, then squeezed Blaine’s hand one more time before he got out of the car and disappeared into the warmth of his home.

Was this his future arriving….or was it disappearing through that door?