CHAPTER 38 – MOVING FORWARD - KLAINE BASED FAN FICTION

CHAPTER 38 – MOVING FORWARD

Video links of the 3 songs mentioned in this chapter at bottom of page.

A few weeks had passed and Kurt and Javi had fallen into somewhat of a routine, that is, if Javi’s life could ever have anything resembling a routine. He’d had to go to LA for a couple of day trips. It was still too early for personal appearances for his upcoming tour in February, so he’d spent some time perfecting the 3 or 4 songs he’d already written along with a couple reflecting his new feelings for Kurt. Depending on Kurt’s class and work schedule, they would sometimes meet at the park during the week and spend a lazy afternoon, sometimes walking the trails and enjoying each other’s company. They tried to give each other plenty of time and space alone, knowing how important it was. Creativity was something that didn’t limit itself to schedules and alarm clocks. While Kurt was learning to use his in different media through school, Javi was letting his speak to him as he always had. They also needed time to think about where their relationship was heading…what they needed to do or know to build the foundation.

Kurt spent most weekends at Javi’s house. It was arranged in such a way that they felt they could be together while being alone if they needed to be. Not that they really wanted to be very much. Adam still couldn’t or wouldn’t believe that they weren’t sleeping together…but on the other hand, he’d never known Kurt to lie to him about anything. Kurt seemed so very happy and watching them together, Adam knew they were in love. Finally, Adam decided as long as Kurt was happy, what he believed didn’t matter. He liked where his life was right now with Ethan, so why not just focus on that?

Kurt had had a couple of things on his mind. He wasn’t sure which one was more important, or even if one was more important than the other, but Kurt being Kurt, he was keeping a notebook on the two topics uppermost in his mind so that when he did finally feel he was prepared to talk about them with Javi, he’d be ready.

The first was the question Javi had initiated in one of their first serious discussions. What did he believe about his existence, who or what, if anything, he put his faith in? As he’d told Javi, he’d never really thought much about it, except in the broadest sense. But then no one had been so interested and honest in asking him those questions. It seemed that most of the time when faith or spirituality or whatever you wanted to call it came up, people were more interested in telling him why he should believe what they did. Javi wasn’t doing that. He felt that all that was Javi was based on his faith, that there was no separation between what he called God and Javi’s very identity. The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. If a person believed he was created for specific purposes, then you had to believe that someone or something outside of yourself had supplied you with whatever it took to fulfill those purposes. He knew he didn’t believe that the universe, and specifically the Earth and all that nature represented, had happened in a burst of spontaneous combustion…even if you believed that, what had created all that was required for THAT to happen? He carefully wrote all the thoughts down and decided he needed to put it aside for a while. His mind could stretch only so far….and as Javi had put it, when presented with such questions sometimes the only appropriate response was silence.

He turned his mind to the other topic. He almost preferred considering something as deep as his very existence over pondering telling Javi about Blaine. It wasn’t that it was as painful anymore, it was a time in his life he’d like to just put behind him. But, he knew in order to really do that, he needed to tell Javi about Blaine and all that meant. Then, he hoped he could put it behind him, eventually allowing it to become a memory of first love and lay it to rest. He leaned back in the chair in which he was sitting and stretched. Javi had had to make a day trip to LA and he told Kurt he could stay at the house if he wanted. Kurt loved this cradle of comfort Javi called home. That’s exactly what if felt like, a place to rest and take in the warmth that permeated every room.

He wanted to tell him about Blaine this weekend and ask him some more questions about this whole idea of his existence. He rarely thought about Blaine anymore, but he knew a part of him would always love all that they had had. Completely erasing the significance of their relationship on his life, would be like asking Javi to erase Antonio as if he never existed. It wasn’t possible and it wasn’t necessary. He loved what Javi and him were building, but as he’d come to realize you indeed built your present and future on your past. Everything needed a foundation, I guess that sort of went along with the first topic, too. The question Javi asked could just as easily have been what or who do you build your life’s foundation on?

He’d told Javi that he wanted to talk about Blaine that weekend and Javi had asked Kurt if he had any videos of him and Blaine singing together. He did, why? he really didn’t know, but he’d kept a couple. Javi had asked if Kurt would mind if he watched them. He’d asked Javi if he could think about it and, of course, he’d told him to take all the time he needed. Finally, he decided there was no reason why Javi shouldn’t watch them, and again, his sense of fair play felt it was only right, since he had seen him singing with Antonio, revealing more intimacy on stage than either had ever intended. He told Javi he didn’t mind at all as long as Javi didn’t ask him to watch them with him, at least for now.

Javi was actually looking forward to the upcoming weekend’s discussion about Blaine. At least the guy finally had a name, that was progress. One evening when Kurt needed to do some studying and had stayed at the loft, he decided now was a good time to watch the videos Kurt had given him. Javi knew that they had met in high school when they’d both been in Glee Club. They’d been singing to and with each other for at least 4 or 5 years from Ohio to New York. He knew they’d done some musical theatre together and studied all kinds of disciplines at NYADA. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but it didn’t matter. He was trying to go into this with no expectations of them or himself. And he still had one more video of Kurt, too. He decided to watch Kurt and Blaine together first. If he watched one of Kurt alone he’d get all wrapped up in that and would have absolutely no objectivity left. Sort of like getting the work done first, so you could give yourself a treat later. He smiled at that, if Kurt was anything, he was certainly a treat!

He grabbed a Coke out of the fridge and a glass with some ice, then settled himself on the couch. The first one was labeled “Come What May, Moulin Rouge.” He didn’t think that Moulin Rouge had ever been performed on stage. As he watched he realized it wasn’t from a stage play, it was maybe something they’d done at NYADA? It was the best school in the US for the arts. They’d probably done some filming. From the moment Blaine walked on stage, he was mesmerized. Not only were they accomplished singers, but actors as well. The fine line between acting and reality was almost completely blurred. Their chemistry felt….visceral, palpable….it felt so intimate he had to force himself not to look away. This Kurt wore every emotion like a cloak, visible, not letting anything stand in the way of what he was feeling and pouring all those feelings into his acting.

Blaine was classically handsome and he held Kurt’s eyes with such expertise, but underneath there was more, much more. Kurt would probably say this is what he saw between Javi and Tonio, but there was a difference. Javi and Tonio usually had at least a stage and Rigo on guitar between them. It was rare when they were ever as close in proximity as these two on stage. When it was over he sat quietly for a while. He closed his eyes, reminding himself that what he’d watched was acting, very good acting, but there was no doubt in his mind that they had loved each other very much. In many ways, a stage was a stage was a stage. He poured his emotions into his music and his performance. He could be having a horrible day, but once he stepped onto that stage he had to become Javi, the Javi they wanted to see and hear. Whatever was going on in his life off stage he had to immerse himself in his persona to give his fans what they wanted and even needed, at times.

Once he felt he was ready for the next one, he looked at the label. “Love is a Battlefield,” hmmm…interesting. He got settled again and took a deep breath, then let it out. This appeared to be filmed, too, perhaps in one of their fencing classes. After he watched for a minute, he realized this too was some part of a musical. This was a Kurt that Javi had yet to see, a man angry. But emotionally very strong and determined. If he and Blaine were pouring their own anger and fear into this performance, he had to wonder what the cause might be. The hostility and tension? Again, they were excellent actors, and had he not known they were once a couple in reality, he probably wouldn’t be thinking this way. But he did know. And just watching their bodies moving was an experience. They were both physically beautiful men. Somehow, Blaine and Kurt managed to look like polar opposites while appearing to be meant for each other in every way. Again, he took some time to review in his mind what he’d seen.

It occurred to him that Kurt had chosen two videos that were also polar opposites, one revealing a fierce and passionate love scene, the other the wear and tear, the struggle, that all long-term relationships faced. He didn’t know how many of these Kurt had kept, but he wondered if these were the only two, why these in particular? And if he’d saved more, why were these the ones he’d chosen for Javi to watch? Well, he wasn’t going to get the answers tonight, if ever, so he set them aside for now. He would probably watch them again before the weekend.

He found the one he had left to watch that Kurt had given him of himself. “Le Jazz Hot!” From Victor/Victoria, he absolutely loved that. He’d saved this for last not even knowing what it was except Kurt performing. It appeared like he’d been doing this as an audition of some sort….and some of his friends from Glee Club were there, maybe? He had to watch it three times. It was so very perfect, not just the way Kurt interpreted it, but everything about it screamed Kurt! Again, he wondered how one person could carry so much talent with him and not even recognize it. He was a natural born performer! He radiated sex appeal; whether you were gay or straight his sex appeal would hold you hostage. Hot didn’t even begin to describe what he was seeing. He could take all of that raw talent and flair anywhere into any form of entertainment and beyond. And even though he knew what he was learning in school was helpful and might help him discover what his passion was, he needed no lessons. What Kurt had could not be taught. He had to wonder what would have happened had these two obviously talented men remained together. Sometimes when two highly creative people came together it was like stars colliding with a black hole, sort of like in the song. One ended up consuming the other and ultimately destroying each other.

It was Wednesday night, but the weekend still seemed so far away. And that last video had been like an aphrodisiac for him. All he wanted right now was to hold Kurt, to reignite the fire between them that never really died. It just smoldered until the next time they were together. Some of the inspired and even whimsical ways they’d discovered to express their physical desires was somewhere along a spectrum of feverishly hot to just plain fun. Kurt was forever calling Javi a tease, and he was, but Kurt knew how to turn him on, then leave him there biding his time until just the right moment to bring him plunging back to Earth. In this sense, Kurt was almost always totally aware of the what, when, where and how of what he was doing to Javi. It wasn’t very late yet. He grabbed his phone and texted Kurt, “Too busy for a game of tag????” A few seconds later Kurt texted back, “Hmm…depends on who’s it! “Call me” Javi smiled, “Call me” was code for “You’re it!”

“He waited a few minutes to build a little bit of suspense and maybe a bit of uncertainty, as if maybe he’d changed his mind. And he decided he’d wander back to his bedroom and get comfortable. As he laid down on the bed, he closed his eyes and felt the cool satin of the new comforter surround him. He unzipped his jeans and brought to mind a picture of himself hovering over Kurt suspended by his own powerful arms sans a stitch of clothing, completely ready for Kurt. This had become quite the game between them. One of them would describe a scenario when that person was “it.” Then, at some point in the future, the other would turn the tables, describing the same scenario, but always with a difference, sometimes very slight, others not so much, but never knowing when those tables might be turned.

Finally, he called Kurt and whispered, “Do you want me to count to a hundred?” Kurt laughed and said, “Oh, I think maybe twenty will do.” Slowly, Javi began counting, stopping every few numbers, to ask Kurt what he was thinking or feeling or imagining, just to get a feel for what direction to go in “the game.” When he reached 20, he asked, “Are you ready, mi amor?” “For you, my munchable Mexican, always…always…” Javi tried so hard not to laugh; Kurt was always coming up with these alliterative descriptions for him, but munchable??? Actually, he kind of liked that, he’d love to have Kurt munching on him right now.

“I’m lying on my new satin sheets, so cool and slippery. You’re lying next to me, your eyes closed, and ya know what? We REALLY need to get rid of some of this clothing. I love you in those jeans. They show me everything I need to know about the man inside them….well, everything I need to know right now. Oh my, mi Kurtito! It appears you’re getting a bit excited about something, hmmmm? I think I’ll just make you a bit more comfortable….you just don’t look very comfortable at all….there! And this underwear, such a terribly unnecessary piece of clothing…all gone. Hmmm….looks like you’re ready to be my plaything. I’m just going to pull my jeans down a bit…just enough to give you an idea of what might be hiding underneath them…we are playing hide and seek, right? I’m above you now because I can’t stand not being able to look into those eyes while I kiss you…what? You seem to be struggling a bit underneath me….why yes! I am restraining your hands a bit….sorry/not sorry. Okay, I’ll let you go just long enough for you to get rid of my jeans, they are getting a bit too tight for me….oh, thank you…of course, no underwear, you know I hate wearing….You want me to let go of your hands? But why, mi amor…I have you exactly where I want you…this way I can take you any way I want to and I know you want me to…take you, that is. And watching you struggling beneath me….it’s such a turn-on…My Kurtito, you have the most enticing body….teasing you….seducing you is almost wicked….but I’m hopelessly unable to control myself…you’re asking me to stop? But stop what? The touching? Holding you captive? Tasting your skin? Imagining the delicious tongue lashing I will give you….”

Javi could hear Kurt’s sighs, almost like whimpers, and as he listened, he was responding with his own until they were both quiet. Finally, Kurt said in a ragged voice, “My God, Javi! You drive me insane!” “Ah, my Kurtito, we creative types are all a little insane, and next time you’re it.”

They murmured in pillow talk for a few minutes and then finally hung up, as Javi rolled over, closed his eyes and allowed himself to slip into sleep.

COME WHAT MAY – KLAINE