Clay accepted the glass of red wine Kurt offered, quickly taking a big sip to calm his nerves. I hope Kurt didn’t notice that, his mind whispered….drinking the wine like an alcoholic trying unsuccessfully to go cold turkey. The one thing he’d been trying to avoid for months had finally happened. He should have known he couldn’t avoid it forever. When Blaine had texted Kurt earlier telling him his dad was in town unexpectedly and wanted to meet for dinner, Kurt took it in stride, although he was a little bit disappointed. He and Blaine had made plans to take in a Broadway show, a rare occasion. They’d seen Cats before, but between their hectic schedules and Kurt’s finances, it just wasn’t something they could afford to do very often. Despite Blaine’s protests that he could cover the cost for both tickets and dinner, Kurt insisted he wouldn’t take advantage of the fact that Blaine’s dad was basically supporting him until he graduated.
Sliding his iPhone into a pants pocket, he stood on the sidewalk, people flowing around him as if he didn’t exist in typical New York fashion. What now? he thought. Going out was not an option; there was no place he wanted to go alone on a Friday night; God, he hated making last minute plans! Suddenly the loft seemed like the perfect place to spend the evening. In fact, a whole evening at home sounded pretty good. No work, no practices, no studying that couldn’t be put off until Sunday. Yeah! A night at home would probably assuage his disappointment, a glass of wine, some TV maybe, reading a book? Of course, he knew chances were good that he wouldn’t be alone alone, but he could always escape to their bedroom if he wasn’t in the mood for company.
Clay heard the soft click of the key in the lock and sighed inwardly. As was more usual than not, it appeared that one of his roomies had had a change in plans. Or maybe they were just making a quick stop at the loft before heading out for the evening, he thought, mentally crossing his fingers. Rachel’s plans had included practice and then an evening out with the other dancers. And he knew about the play that Kurt and Blaine had planned to see, they’d talked about it all week. They’d seen it so many times even they’d lost count, but that didn’t stop them from picking it apart and putting it all back together again, scene by scene. And he’d really been looking forward to a night alone, just himself and some video games, the TV, a few beers, maybe even some wine instead. He wasn’t sure. The only thing he’d been sure of was that he’d be blissfully alone. And now? Well, he guessed he’d just have to see what happened after that door opened.
“Hey, Clay,” Kurt said removing the burdens of his backpack and jacket. Clay almost said, “What are you doing here?” as if he didn’t have every right to be. Instead he said, “Where’s Blaine? I thought you guys were going to a play. Cats, right?” As if he couldn’t remember the name? Kurt sighed as he let his backpack slip to the floor. “We were, but Blaine’s dad is in town, some unexpected business stuff, I guess. Anyway, they’re going out to dinner, so here I am,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. Hmmm…..he doesn’t seem all that upset about it, Clay noticed….naahhhh, I’m probably imagining that.
“Oh,” was all Clay could think of to say. “So what are your plans then?” he asked, praying like mad that he’d say he was going somewhere, anywhere! besides here. “I don’t know, I thought I’d just hang out here for a change. It seems like I’m always going somewhere and not that I’m complaining but Blaine and I are hardly ever apart. You don’t mind, do you?”
What? Did he mean did he mind if he hung out here or did he mind that he and Blaine were hardly ever apart? Now there was a loaded question if ever there was one! Clay was trying hard to regroup. Half of him was thrilled to have Kurt standing there without Blaine, actually wanting to stay home. The other half kept telling him to change his own plans. Do anything, go anywhere, but definitely not stay here with Kurt!
“If you don’t have any plans maybe I could fix some dinner and we could watch TV or something.” Kurt said, seeming completely unaware of Clay’s dilemma, which was a good thing in Clay’s mind. He could easily make some excuse about having plans, in fact he was just leaving! That wouldn’t surprise Kurt at all. Friday nights were almost always his “out to meet the boys” night as he often described it. And he almost reached for his light jacket on the coat tree, when the inner voice of temptation said, “Oh, come on, Clay, you can handle this. Isn’t it time you faced up to it?”
“No!” his warring self said, “I’ve already faced up to it. I’m already handling it.” “Oh, yeah, really? Avoiding him isn’t the answer and you know it.” “Oh, and spending an evening alone with him is????”
“You want out of this dead end? Prove to yourself you’re strong enough to move past it. It’s an infatuation, right? Not a love story with a happy ending. Show yourself! Show me!” His thoughts riding round and round on the carousel that always accompanied his feelings about Kurt.
Clay felt like he was on the losing end of the rope in a game of tug-of-war. “How about a glass of wine?” Kurt said, not waiting for Clay to say one way or the other if he was staying at home. “Or would you prefer a beer?” Hanging up his coat Kurt headed for the refrigerator, peering inside to see what they had, hoping to find the two bottles of Raymond Cabernet Napa Reserve that had been a Christmas gift from his parents. Without thinking, Clay followed Kurt to the kitchen, and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. He wanted this….he didn’t want this….and adding alcohol to the indecision probably wasn’t the best idea, but “just one glass” his inner self whispered. “Just one glass to be sociable and I’ll get out of here.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t even think to ask if you had plans.” Kurt said, hesitating before reaching for one of the bottles. “Um…..oh, you know the usual….I was just….” he wanted to say leaving, but instead the words that escaped his lips were something like, “I was just going to hang out here, play some video games, maybe watch some TV…you know.”
Kurt nodded and withdrew his hand, glancing behind him. “Well, I can always go to our room. Give you some space. It’s not often any of us get a chance to be alone here. Look, I’ll just get some wine and be out of your hair. I’ll make us some sandwiches quick, okay?”
“Kurt, you don’t have to go to your room,” he almost laughed as he realized it sounded like a parent banishing their child as punishment for some petty kiddy crime. “Sit down for a minute. You just got home,” Clay said, knowingly surrendering, handing his end of the rope to his imaginary opponent, allowing the wrong inner voice to win the game. He was so tired of fighting his feelings and it wasn’t like he was planning anything other than a night with a roommate doing what guys did, he justified. Even if he wanted something to happen he knew the likelihood of that was pretty much zero.
As they settled in with their wine, Kurt said, “Here’s to a night alone!” and laughed at his own unoriginality. “Ya know, I don’t think we’ve had a real conversation since you moved in. Now that I think about it, I feel sort of guilty.” “Why should you feel guilty? I mean, we both have busy lives and if you really think about it, you don’t have much time to talk to Rachel either. And you and Blaine are……well, what you are….practically engaged. It’s only natural for you to spend most of your free time with him.”
Ignoring the words “practically engaged” – no one was supposed to know that! – he said, “Yeah, I guess so,” really looking at Clay for the first time. He realized that he still thought of Clay as that kid visiting his dad back in Lima. That he’d spent so much time with Blaine that he hadn’t really paid much attention to Clay, the man and not the boy. What did he really know about him and his life in New York other than he usually spent Friday nights “out with the boys.”
He didn’t want to get too personal but found himself asking, “So, where did you live before you moved in here? I mean, other than New York. Did you have other roommates? Did you go to college? And I know none of this is any of my business, really….”
“No, no….that’s okay. It’s not like my life is top secret. Not nearly interesting enough to be that! Yeah, I went to college for a couple of years, but college just wasn’t my thing, and it wasn’t here in New York.” he said, swallowing a little bit of wine. “I went to Coastline College in Newport Beach. I forced myself to get a two-year degree, but….like I said, not my thing.” He stopped, realizing the other question was a land mine, but the wine was beginning to loosen his tongue and send any commonsense thoughts into hiding. “Yeah, I’ve had other roommates…..some when I was in college. You know, the usual party house atmosphere while trying to maintain a decent grade point average,” he sort of laughed.
“Oh!” Kurt exclaimed, “you went to college in California. How did you like it? Blaine and I are thinking of moving there after he graduates. The Hollywood lights beckon,” he smiled. Glad for the change of subject, Clay replied, “I loved living in California, but I had to transfer to New York when I started working for IBM. Maybe someday I’ll get back there or at least I hope to.”
Should he continue? Probably not. He’d been given an out with the change of subject, but Kurt interrupted his thoughts with, “would you like some more wine?” Kurt’s glass was still about a quarter full and Clay’s maybe a little less. Taking another sip, Kurt got up again, poured a little more, and said, “I’ll fix those sandwiches in a few minutes.” So, you lived alone then after you moved here?” I could lie, he thought, taking another sip, it wasn’t like Kurt was going to hire a detective to verify his past, but Clay said, “No…..I, um, moved here with my partner, Angelo,” it was as if his voice had distanced itself from his body. Stop! his cautious self said, but it was muffled by the deafening effects of a waterfall of wine on an empty stomach.
“Look, Clay, you sound like you really don’t want to talk about him,” Kurt had been too busy getting more wine and had forgotten the name that Clay seemed to utter very reluctantly. But he was curious. He’d never taken Clay for a one-man type of guy and who knew how long it had lasted? Anyway, he’d given Clay a way out…..but it appeared he wasn’t going to take it as he continued, seeming almost oblivious to Kurt’s words.
“I was with Angelo for almost three years. You probably don’t remember him, but he was in glee club, too. I think ya’ll might have been in one competition together, regionals probably or maybe nationals, but anyway…..yeah, we were together for almost three years,” he took a deep breath hoping it would keep him from repeating himself again.
Kurt nodded as if understanding something that hadn’t even been said yet. “Let’s go sit in the living room, okay?” he said, hoping to put Clay more at ease so he could possibly take the out he’d been given earlier….or he could simply continue while Kurt listened. If Kurt was nothing else, he was a good listener.
Clay followed him, carefully setting his wine glass on an end table, then plopping down in his favorite chair while Kurt did the same, taking the chair next to him. Despite his slightly foggy brain, Clay had been intentional about choosing that chair, favorite or not. Sitting with Kurt on the couch would have been letting temptation get the upper hand again.
Trying one more time, Kurt said, leaning toward Clay, “Ya know, we can change the subject.” Clay shook his head, looking almost resigned to retelling this story, almost like he felt he had to. “The only other person who knows about it is Rachel and, well, my dad. And I know I should be over him….it….over it…” he sort of mumbled, as if changing the word him to it could distance himself from the pain, “by now, but sometimes it still helps to talk about it.” Clay knew himself well enough to realize that Angelo was always in the back of his mind and still in his heart despite his feelings for Kurt. As pitiful as it sounded, if Angelo called right this minute, he’d have his bags packed and be ready to resume his life with him before the door to the loft could open and close behind him.
Closing his eyes, he sighed, and began the now all-to-familiar tale of Angelo. “Angelo was what you’d call my first love…and I was hoping my last. Like I said, we met at a glee club competition,” Kurt nodded. Clay hadn’t actually said that, but he got the idea and he didn’t want to interrupt. He could tell how hard this was for Clay.
“We were sort of like you and Blaine, I guess. When we met I knew he was “the one.” Clay sort of chuckled. “Don’t laugh when I tell you this, please, although I’m sure you’ll understand the irony of calling him “the one” because in one way we weren’t like you and Blaine. We weren’t a monogamous couple. Maybe you could think of us as soulmates with benefits? I don’t know. I don’t know if I even believe in soulmates anymore.”
Kurt couldn’t help himself, “You were together for three years, but not exclusive? Wow!” He almost said, “I couldn’t handle that,” but he didn’t. This conversation wasn’t about him.
“I know it’s hard to understand when you’ve never been in a relationship like that, but it worked so well for us. I mean, we had rules of course.” The wine was lowering Kurt’s defenses and he knew it, but for once it felt good to just let go, “So, if you don’t mind my asking, what were your rules?” he questioned reaching for the bottle of wine they’d brought with them.
“No, that’s okay, I started this conversation, right? Let’s see….we never spent more than a single night with another person, we always used protection and we had to tell each other when something had happened. It really wasn’t difficult for us. I loved him and he loved me; lust is what drove our other relationships….nonrelationships really. Oh, and we never had contact with whomever afterwards, no texts, no phone calls, nothing.”
Kurt was having a difficult time wrapping his already alcohol-addled brain around nonmonogamy as Clay called it. “So, what happened then?” “To be honest, I don’t really know for sure. It seemed to come out of nowhere! Angelo said he wasn’t ready to settle down. He insisted he hadn’t met someone else but I never really believed that. I think he found someone else he WAS ready to settle down with. And I don’t even know what he meant by settling down! When I asked, he didn’t have a real answer. And I’d never even asked him to settle down anyway!”
Clay could feel the tension in his voice, even with the calming effects of the wine to temper it. He could hear his voice rising, the anger he still felt, hoping he’d at least had that under control with time and distance. Hope….when it came to Angelo there was no hope, none. So why was he feeling the way he did about Kurt? Yet another hopeless situation. Was he just a glutton for punishment?
Without thinking, Kurt reached over and covered Clay’s hand with his own. It was a habit he had with everyone. It was an attempt at reassurance, hoping that it might calm the storms for whomever was on the receiving end of his contact. But for Clay the touch of his hand was none of those things. What he felt was the zing of lust traveling up his arm that he’d been fighting for months, and the wine seemed to give him permission to squeeze Kurt’s hand as if holding onto a life raft.
Kurt cleared his throat as sort of a signal to Clay, to give him time to anticipate what Kurt was going to say. “So, when did you two break up?” Clay didn’t let go of Kurt’s hand; in fact, he squeezed it even tighter. “Right before I moved in here. It almost felt like the whole thing was planned or something. One day I was with Angelo and the next Rachel was offering me a place to stay….not literally, of course, but you get what I mean. I really didn’t know what I was going to do.” he ducked his head, trying to stop the tears forming or at least stop Kurt from seeing them.
“Um, at the risk of sounding stupid, did you ever think that maybe if he’d found someone he wanted to settle down with, it meant he was tired of your non-monogamous relationship? How good were your communication skills, as a couple I mean?”
Clay took another sip of wine and accepted Kurt’s invitation of a tipped bottle as he filled both glasses again. “I thought they were pretty good. As far as the rules went neither of us ever broke them…or at least I didn’t and…honestly, I don’t think he did either. Maybe I was missing something, but it seemed to come out of nowhere. Oh….I already said that didn’t I?” He said, trying to force his mind back on track, “And we haven’t spoken since. He just left me wondering what I’d done wrong.” Clay said, “he kept using the old cliche of it’s not you, it’s me,” forcing the words out like they were ammunition flying from a cannon. Clay finally released Kurt’s hand….not because he wanted to but because he knew he had to.
“And maybe you’re right. Maybe he was tired of not being exclusive. We’d talked about marriage, but it always included an open relationship. I don’t know, I just…..don’t.”
Kurt wasn’t sure how to respond so he remained quiet for a few minutes, his hand still covering Clay’s. He never thought he’d see Clay, the macho man, almost in tears. Maybe Angelo had felt the same way, viewing Clay as unreachable. But after three years? Surely, he’d let down his guard a few times in that time period, especially since they’d had an open relationship….and taking the time and energy to set up rules and abide by them. That showed intention. They’d wanted the relationship to work.
As if reading Kurt’s mind, Clay said, trying to control his voice, “Kurt, what do you think of open relationships?” God! He shouldn’t be having this conversation and especially with Kurt! Kurt remained silent for a few minutes longer. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, he just needed some time to think about what his answer would be to that question…a loaded question, although he was unaware of it.
“Wow….well, I’ve never really thought about it. Blaine and I haven’t ever discussed it. I guess we just assumed we’d be monogamous.” He sighed, “I guess I’d find it difficult though. It’s hard enough trying to make a two-person relationship work. Adding other people? Even if they’re only hookups….it’s still sort of like adding another person to consider. Even with the rules you set up, I would think there’d always be a chance that one of those guys might actually become more to you than just a one-nighter. And practicing safe sex would have to be a must. I don’t know, Clay. If you really want an answer I’d have to think about it for a while.”
Trying to unravel the gauze that seemed to surround his brain at the moment, he decided that doing something other than talking might be in order. Part of him hoped that Blaine or Rachel would arrive to rescue him from this situation and part of him didn’t want it to ever end. Oops! The first wine bottle was empty….when did that happen?
“More wine?” he asked Kurt, reaching for the second bottle. Kurt knew he should say no. He’d already gone past his two-drink limit, but….he wasn’t driving tonight…what was he thinking? Of course he wasn’t driving. No one drove in New York except taxi drivers. His muddled brain said no, but what came out of his mouth was, “Sure, why not?” “Here’s to….oh, I don’t know,” Clay said as he raised his glass and clinked it with Kurt’s. “Good wine!” Kurt smiled. That smile…those dimples…his laughing eyes…..Clay tried to look away, but just couldn’t.
He heard Kurt’s seemingly disembodied voice ask, “So, I’m curious. Why did you guys want an open relationship? I mean, didn’t you ever get jealous? Or wonder about the other guys? Weren’t you ever afraid that they’d somehow interfere with your relationship….maybe not physically, but, like, in your thinking?”
Clay tried to gather his thoughts enough to address the question. Sipping his wine, he said, “Well, that’s the thing. We were always very honest about the other guys. We’d talk about what we’d done. The only thing we never talked about was names. Neither of us wanted to know their names. And it actually kind of drew us closer. It was like a shared secret or something. Wow….um….” he sighed having lost his train of the thought in the haze of alcohol. “It was sort of a turn-on for us, imagining each other with someone else? I know that sounds…..I don’t know how it sounds really, but we’d try some of the things we’d done with the other guys that we’d never done before with each other.”
Kurt attempted to analyze that with little success. “Whose idea was it?” “I don’t know really. Let me think back.” he said trying extra hard. “Hmmm….” he mumbled. “I guess it all started when we’d been together for about four or five months. We were looking on Google for some different ideas and ran across open relationships. We couldn’t believe the statistics on gay couples. Supposedly, around 30% of gay couples have open relationships. Course, we didn’t believe everything we read on Google. So, we started checking out chat rooms. Did you know that there are actually groups out there for nonmonogamous couples?” he sort of snickered, with slightly slurred speech.
“Like support groups or something?” Kurt laughed with him, a quiet burp escaping his lips. “Something like that….and I know it sounds kinda crazy, but it really helped keep us on track and…..well, sort of held us accountable.” He giggled, “Sort of like AA for….” Kurt interrupted, practically shouting as he laughed, “for gays! AA for gays!”
Their eyes met and they couldn’t stop laughing, even toasting AA for gays in the process. “And I even continued to go to the group after….” what was his name again? How could he forget his name? he stumbled over the finally remembered name, “Ang….Angela…lo, Angelo! left. I mean I didn’t sit there and slam him in front of everybody….I just sort of hoped they could give me some insight.” Clay stopped talking, trying to keep his mind on topic, but also remembering that dreadful time in his life.
Of course, everyone sympathized. Some had even been through the same thing before, just not with their current partner. After going backward for a while hoping to see something Clay may not have seen, they decided to focus on his future without Angelo instead. No one knew this, not even Rachel or his dad, but some of those Friday nights “out with the boys” had been spent with this group. They didn’t need to know. He wanted them to believe he was over him….it….whatever.
“So, did it help?” Kurt asked, sipping the wine ever so slightly. Clay laid his head back on the headrest and closed his eyes. “Yeah, but mostly I was left with the question of, if I wanted a long-term relationship again, did I want it to be open or not. I still don’t know……that’s the only serious relationship I’ve ever had.”
“Would you like to watch some TV?” he mumbled. He loved talking to Kurt, especially with no one else there, but he was tired of talking about Angelo. Angelo, Smangelo…either way he was gone.
“Sure, I guess,” even in his wine-fogged brain, Kurt could take the hint. And he felt so relaxed. “A movie maybe?” After checking what was available, they decided to watch Pitch Perfect. They both liked music and both knew about competitions. It was something they wouldn’t have to think about too much.
Kurt got up, needing to go to the restroom….and he made it, but not without weaving slowly along the path leading from the living room to the bathroom. He dimmed the lights before he returned, took one of the pillows from the couch, tossed it on the floor and grabbed the big afghan that lay on the back of the couch. “I haven’t done this since I was a kid!” he crowed. “Done what?” Clay asked, as he attempted the same route through the living room that Kurt had just taken. Why had he turned the lights off?
When he returned, he found Kurt laying on the floor on his stomach, the remote in hand, having left his almost empty wine glass behind. “Here,” he said to Clay, patting the floor next to him. He reached around, grabbed another pillow off the couch and laid it down next to him. Now he knew what Kurt was saying. He was having a hard time focusing, but it looked like fun…laying on the floor watching TV in the dark. He would have suggested popcorn, but neither of them was in any shape to make it. Kurt flipped the channel to the movie, resting his head on his hand under his chin, up on an elbow.
It was later than he’d planned and Blaine tried to be quiet as he attempted to unlock the door……but it wasn’t locked. They never left the door unlocked. Living in New York didn’t lend itself to feeling secure behind an unlocked door. Hmmm….he shut the door behind him making doubly sure that it was locked. Kurt might still be up and Clay was probably out with the boys, but he didn’t want to wake anyone just in case. The only light he could see was from the glow of the TV, but nothing was on….as if it was waiting for the next movie or show to come on.
He glanced at the couch, but as far as he could tell in the lack of lighting, no one was laying on it and none of the living room chairs seemed to be occupied. Maybe someone had just forgotten to shut it off. He made his way back to their bedroom, opening the door quietly, but Kurt wasn’t there either. Maybe the solarium? Nope, no Kurt. Maybe he’d decided to go out, but usually Kurt would have texted him or at least left a note, so he checked the kitchen table. No note, no used dishes…..
Well, maybe he didn’t want to disturb my time with dad, he considered. He decided he’d try texting him after he got undressed and ready for bed. But first, he needed to shut off the TV. He certainly wasn’t interested in watching it.
He made his way around the couch, looking for the remote. Hmmm….it was usually on the end table closest to the TV on the right side of the couch…..so…he started searching but then thought, oh come on, Blaine! You don’t need the remote, he chided himself, as he purposefully walked over to the TV and shut it off.
There was just enough light from the kitchen for him to make his way back to their bedroom and since it appeared that no one was home, he didn’t have to be quiet. Getting out of his clothes he decided to take a quick shower, mulling over the talk he’d had with his dad. He was really kind of excited! A summer trip to Europe? Even with all the moves, he’d never been outside of the US. Of course, he wouldn’t want to go without Kurt, but he had time to talk that over with his dad. He was nervous about introducing them. His dad may have finally been accepting of his being gay, but he knew nothing about Kurt. Oh, well, there was plenty of time.
He stepped from the shower and into the steamy humidity, toweling himself dry. Grabbing his phone from the bed where he’d tossed it, he sat down on the bed and quickly sent Kurt a text, “Where r u babe?” Staring at the phone waiting for a reply he heard a familiar sound. Kurt’s phone? He would never leave the house without his phone. This was getting scary! Unlocked doors…..lights out…TV left on… He tried again…..hearing the muffled bleat of his ring tone again.
It must be in the kitchen or the living room. It definitely wasn’t here in the bedroom. He wrapped a bath towel around his waist, padding barefoot down the hallway going in search of Kurt’s phone. He checked the kitchen first. At least he had a little lighting there. But? Not in the kitchen. As he turned to make his way around the living room again, he caught a glint from the end table nearest the door. Maybe that’s where it was. Why hadn’t he thought to bring his phone with him? Leaning closer, he didn’t see Kurt’s phone, but he saw a pair of wine glasses. That must have been where the glimmer of light came from.
Oh! There was the phone, he thought, patting down one of the chairs. Stuck between the edges of the cushion. Okay, now where was Kurt? He could check his messages. Maybe there was a clue there.
Puzzled, he tried to maneuver around the couch in the dark…..why didn’t he just turn on the lights? Mentally smacking his head, he thought, geez, I only had one drink and that was hours ago! But he was tired. And the dimmer switch was on the wall next to the door. Sighing, he turned around, and almost tripped over one of the two bodies laying there and what looked like an afghan tossed carelessly over them. Catching himself before falling, he almost gasped, but then walked backwards a few steps.
No……no, no, no…..he wasn’t seeing this. This wasn’t happening. Not Kurt! Please, not Kurt! And who was laying beside him? Forgetting that he held Kurt’s phone in his hand, his hands shaking, his mind wouldn’t settle on what to do. He could hear himself gulping air accompanied by his shallow breathing. It was like his body was frozen in place while his thoughts moved a mile a minute. “Kurt?” he hissed, his voice not sounding like his own. No reply. “Kurt…” he was almost in tears by now. Still….nothing.
What should he do? Any courage he might have had had disappeared. He didn’t want to touch them….either of them because…..what if…..what if…..no! his brain screamed, skittering away from the horrifying thought! But, he had to do something! What if they were still……stop it, Blaine, just stop it!
Glancing down at his trembling hands, it was as if he noticed the phone for the first time. 911….call 911….punching in the numbers as quickly as he could, he waited for his lifeline to pick up on the other end.
He should go turn on the lights. That’s where he’d been headed when he’d discovered….this. But his feet refused to move.
Attempting to bring himself under control, he closed his eyes, took some slow, deep breaths and steadied himself on the arm of the couch, opened his eyes again and just stared…..as his world seemed to crumble to the floor around him, shattering everything he’d ever believed to be true.
