CHAPTER 42 IN THE DARK

CHAPTER 42 – IN THE DARK

Only one week until Halloween! Kurt was like a child at Christmas, that’s what Javi was thinking. He loved Halloween, too, if for no other reason than it gave him an excuse to let his imagination run wild about a costume. The Rafters always had a huge party that often carried over to the streets and then to someone’s home until morning. This year, Javi was more excited because Kurt would be there to share it with him. Call it silly or anything else for that matter, ridiculous maybe? Anyway, he loved showing Kurt off to his friends, not just because Kurt was so outrageously gorgeous, but because of Kurt’s way with people, everyone loved him. Javi was so very much in love and he wanted everyone to know with whom. And why the already fun-loving Javi they knew was more over the top than usual. Javi was one of those people whose joy was infectious. He couldn’t help wanting to share Kurt with the world…or at least the world as it related to San Diego.

Poor Kurt! He had to smile. He’d managed to talk him into doing something for this Halloween just for him. At first, Kurt was adamant. He was not going to wear what Javi had asked. It’s not that it was anything particularly outrageous or ridiculous or even offensive. It’s not like Kurt hadn’t worn the costume in the past and actually enjoyed wearing it. But to him, it was his past, even if Blaine hadn’t even been a part of his life then. When Kurt had given that as a reason for not wanting to wear it, Javi had exclaimed, “But mi amor! It is in MY present! You look so…sort of mysterious…and hotter than hot in that costume! I’m not asking you to walk into The Rafters naked….although that would certainly elicit a positive response….” Javi laughed when he saw Kurt roll his eyes. “Javi, Javi, Javi…I haven’t worn that get-up since I was in high school. It probably doesn’t even fit anymore.” To which Javi replied, “Says the man who brought a sewing machine all the way from Ohio! Please????” Kurt tried to dodge it all by saying that outfit was still in Ohio, it wasn’t like he’d brought it with him along with his sewing machine in case he might want to wear it….where? “Kurt, we live in the 21st century. We don’t have to rely on the Pony Express! It could be here overnight if we wanted it to be!” Kurt raised one eyebrow, his hands on his hips, “We??? Which ‘we’ would that be?” Javi almost doubled over laughing. Kurt looked so cute standing there like a prima donna demanding a part that someone might actually be stupid enough to deny her.

“Kurt, it’s one night. Everybody will be dressed up in God knows what….some probably half-dressed or as close to naked as the law allows. It’s a gay club! In that costume you’ll not only fit right in, you’ll be the most tantalizing sight to walk through the door…and to use one of my all-time favorite adjectives…so very, very beddable, but that’s reserved for me of course, in a sense. And that’s the part I love the most! Everyone assumes we’ve been sleeping together since the night we met….you and I knowing it’s not exactly true makes the whole idea, hot, Kurt, so hot!” Kurt rolled his eyes again, and said, “Oh my god! You are incurably incorrigible!” Javi laughed again and said, “Why thank you! That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me….incurablemente incorrigible, si, si, si, you know me so well!” Finally, after much coaxing, pleading and flat-out begging, Kurt called home and asked his dad to ship the outfit to California. He still couldn’t figure out why he’d kept it. He’d made it himself, actually. No matter, he’d wear it for Javi, but not for any of the reasons Javi had given him. If it made him happy, it would make Kurt happy.

In the meantime, Kurt and Adam had a three-day weekend. TAS was in the midst of some renovations, and although classes had continued as usual, they needed a day when no one was in the buildings except the construction crews. Kurt had switched hours with Matt, one of his coworkers, so he would have Monday completely free. He thought it might be a good time for him and Javi to have some discussions about the holidays, them both visiting Ohio when Kurt would hopefully be meeting Blaine for a heart-to-heart…or actually, he preferred a brain-to-brain. There was no way he was going to reveal his heart to Blaine ever again…at least that was his hope.

They were both looking forward to a lazy, quiet weekend. For Javi, there had been some spur of the moment trips to LA and taking time with his manager, agent and record producer, tightening up the schedule for November. Soon he’d be making some overnight or two-day trips for promotional personal appearances. He was considering taking Kurt with him on some of them, but hadn’t mentioned it to Kurt. He knew Kurt would be disappointed if their plans fell through. For Kurt, there had been tests and rehearsals for two recitals, squeezing work in between wherever he could. In truth, he had the perfect job for the life he was living.

Javi had Chinese takeout waiting when Kurt arrived at the house. Their plans were to have no plans for Friday night. They’d already agreed on any topics for discussion, unless of course, their discussions went elsewhere. They loved talking and listening to each other and no topic was off-limits. Javi said jokingly that that was a true sign that they were in love, that one day they’d disagree vehemently on something or another and that’s when they’d really have to learn how to talk and listen. Kurt knew he was right, but he hoped it wasn’t any time soon. He’d learned a lot from years of being bullied. He knew how to stand up for himself and most of the time when to back down. Yeah, he knew the day would come, but he wasn’t going to dwell on it tonight.

As usual, Javi had changed the ambience of his home for the weekend. He loved low lighting in the evening and like everywhere else the days were getting shorter. He’d created a Halloween theme without being gaudy about it. Light orange candles were scattered throughout, some with a slight pumpkin spice scent. A variety of traditional Halloween candies in some sort of decoration that looked like tiny paper bags was set on every table and there were “spider webs” in corners and out of the way places. Kurt couldn’t remember ever having eaten Chinese takeout by candlelight, but with Javi it came as no surprise. After all the cartons were opened, Kurt grabbed a pair of chopsticks and Javi picked up a fork. He looked over at Javi, “You don’t use chopsticks?” “No, should I?” Kurt knew he was playing with him, but he went along. “Well, no, I guess not.” Javi said, “Good! I can’t think of a single reason why using chopsticks is better than using a fork. If someone makes it a law, I’ll use chopsticks to eat Chinese food; until then, I’ll make life a little easier.” Kurt just smiled. They went over their day and their week. They hadn’t seen much of each other, although they’d texted a lot, and even called each other a couple of times. Usually when the weekend arrived, they spent at least 15 minutes just talking about how much they’d missed each other and then sometimes one thing led to another….but not tonight. They both knew there was plenty of time for that this weekend.

Kurt really wanted to talk about the upcoming holidays. He was planning on telling his dad about Javi when he called him on Sunday. Burt had already noticed a change in Kurt since moving to San Diego. He sounded so much more relaxed and more like the in love with life Kurt he’d been before everything that had happened with Blaine. The idea that Kurt might have found someone had crossed his mind, but he would let Kurt tell him in his own time if it were so.

As they got comfy in the media room, the lights low, a relaxing instrumental enveloping the room in peace, Kurt reached for Javi, loosely wrapping his arms around his neck. For a long moment, they just gazed into each other’s eyes, Javi startled again by those kaleidoscope eyes of his winsome lover, drowning in the way light changed their hue. Kurt tightened his arms and leaned in to capture Javi’s lips, Javi responding, running his fingers through his thick, dark ginger hair, both of them tumbling against the back of the couch and making out like a couple of teenagers. “Javito, I have missed your kisses so much this week,” Kurt sighed, kissing him again, “I’m so in love with you. Everything about you is on my mind all the time.” He reached for Javi’s glass of wine, handed it to him, and then picked his glass up, raising it, saying, “To being in love, mi amor, with you. Just you.” Javi didn’t know what to say except, “Bebe, I’m a songwriter at a loss for words, so I’ll just use yours. To being madly in love with you….only you.”

Finally, they settled into the hominess of the couch, reclining into each other’s bodies, Kurt holding Javi as he rested his head on Kurt’s chest. They had decided to check their schedules for both Thanksgiving and Christmas so they could be prepared to talk about it, or as Javi had warned him, as close as he could get to a schedule for those two holidays. “So, Kurtito, you want to talk about the holidays or something else?” he was trying to take his cue from Kurt because he knew this was very important to him and if it was important to Kurt, it was of importance to Javi.

“I still plan on telling my dad about us on Sunday. I’m pretty sure he knows something’s different in my life besides a new city and a new school. I’ve never really been able to hide much from him.” Kurt smiled as he thought of Burt. No one had a better father than Kurt had. Kurt had talked a lot about his father and his stepmother. He’d assured Javi they would be nothing but happy for him, but it would certainly be interesting to see their first impressions and reactions to this whimsical man with a heart as vast as the sky. Even Kurt knew how obvious their being in love was.

“So what is your schedule like, mi amor?” Kurt inquired. Thankfully, at least for now, his manager had arranged his schedule to accommodate the holidays, even Thanksgiving, which was a holiday Javi didn’t really celebrate, being Mexican. But this year wherever he was with Kurt, he’d be celebrating if for no other reason than he had his Kurt to be thankful for….oh, so very thankful for!

Javi explained that the second week in December he was performing at a two-day music festival in Monterrey and he had three personal appearances scattered throughout November, all in Mexico. He also had a music festival in Albuquerque over New Year’s. As of right now, he was free to travel back to Ohio for either or both holidays.

Kurt was quiet for a few moments, and Javi could see the wheels turning in that beautiful mind. Would he ever grow weary of observing Kurt? Could he ever possibly lose his fascination with just being near him? As Javi was playing idly with Kurt’s earring, waiting for him to speak his mind, Kurt finally said, “I want you to be there when I meet with Blaine, if at all possible, Javi.” Javi looked at him quizzically, and Kurt realized what he was puzzled about, “No! I don’t mean when I’m actually talking to him…I mean before and after. I want someone there who doesn’t know Blaine and to be honest I think I’m going to need you….” He didn’t have to explain any further. Javi sat up and turned to look at Kurt, gathering him in his arms. He’d heard his voice break, the tinge of pain….he knew how difficult this was going to be for Kurt, no matter how many times he told him he’d be fine, that two years was long enough and on and on. Yes, he would be fine, but returning to unfinished business with your first love, the person who had been your world for so many years, your only lover….he wanted to be there for Kurt in every way he could. As Kurt finally let go of their embrace, he took a deep breath, then said, “I found out that he’s still living in New York and I got his address and phone number from one of our old roommates. I’m going to try to call him this weekend….or sometime next week….oh, god, Javi! How am I going to get through this…” and the tears began to fall as if from a gray cloud hiding those magical eyes. “Let me hold you, just let me hold you,” Javi whispered as he embraced Kurt again, letting him release all the hurt and pain and fear until he’d cried himself out. Javi never tried to stop a person’s tears, they were one of the greatest gifts given to man…unless you were a stalwart Mexican of course.

Javi reached for the box of Kleenex sitting on the end table and wiped away what was left of the sorrow from Kurt’s cheeks and eyelashes….how he loved those eyelashes…..”Feel better?” he inquired tentatively. “Yeah…yeah…I’m okay….you make all of….this…okay.” Javi gave him a slight smile and kissed him as they returned to where they were on the couch. They spent the rest of the evening watching some concert videos anywhere from several of the Eagles “farewell” tours to Latinx artists like Reik and Kalimba. It was about 2 a.m. when they decided it was time for some sleep; it had been a long week for both of them and after a lingering kiss they parted at “their” bedroom doors.

“Kurt, mi Kurtito, are you awake?” Kurt opened his eyes and thought maybe he’d been dreaming. Javi kept every bedroom pitch black unless lights were on; there were blackout shades underneath the curtains on every window.. He said that it came from living on the road. His sleep schedule was really no schedule at all, so when he was home, every bedroom had several lamps for when you weren’t asleep, but otherwise you couldn’t see your hand in front of your face, literally. He rather liked it. It made a person feel like they were wrapped in their own individual peace cocoon. He finally realized Javi’s quiet voice was emanating from the mini monitors on the bedside tables. “Javi? What…yeah, I’m awake now…what time is it?” Javi chuckled, “Ah, mi lindo (cute) Kurtito, it’s playtime and you’re the only friend I have to play with, everyone else is sleeping….would you like to be my plaything…um, I mean, my playmate?”

Kurt closed his eyes and had to smile, but he said, “Oh, I don’t know, my mischievous Mexican…I’m really, really tired and you know how I hate getting out of bed in the middle of the night…” “Oh, no, no, no….you don’t have to leave that nice warm bed. I’m the one who invited you to play, so I’ll just come to your room, okay?” Kurt sat up and almost gasped, “You’ll what????” “I said I’ll….” “I know what you said!” “Oh, mi, mi, mi Kurtito don’t get all excited….well, not yet anyway….I’ll be right over…oh! and as someone asked me once a little while back, you’re wearing underwear, right?” And then his voice was gone.

Somewhere in the midst of hearing Javi’s seductive voice he remembered the shower fantasy and understood that this was going to be Javi’s version…with a twist….could he handle it? His Javi was an excellent player at this game of a touch of one upmanship between them…trying to balance a semblance of control while giving into the game….it was soooo delicious and soooo scary.

Javi knew Kurt always slept in underwear, a habit he hoped to break him of one day, but not tonight. If anyone could have seen Kurt’s face in the total darkness of that room, they would have seen a little puzzled with a touch of anxious and a bit of curiosity. This was crazy! Part of him was trying to figure out how to convince Javi this was not a good idea and part of him couldn’t wait for whatever he had in mind. He tried to calm himself and when he heard the sound of the bedroom door opening, he remained silent. He could hear Javi’s approach but could not see a thing. He was half singing, half humming something.

“Oh, isn’t this perfect? We only have four of our senses available to play the game. I don’t know about you, but I can’t see a thing…although I can imagine….” He sat at the foot of the bed and started humming softly again. Kurt recognized the melody, but couldn’t place the song until, just as softly, Javi started singing the lyrics to “I Touch Myself” originally by Blondie. He would have laughed if Javi wasn’t so serious about what he was doing, very intentional and he made sure Kurt could hear it in his voice, drawing out just the right words, singing oh no, oh no, oh no in that sexy way he had that was somewhere between a growl and a moan…

In between lyrics, Javi murmured, “I’d tell you to close your eyes, but you don’t need to, do you? You can hear me, you’re very, very aware of my presence aren’t you, mi amor….oh, I just caught the scent of you….like sandalwood and vanilla with a bit of pumpkin spice…and the scent of you when you first wake up, oh, yes… the scent of you when you want me, sort of musky and sweet…did you know that the scent of pumpkin is a male aphrodisiac? Just a little fun fact….You do want me, don’t you……oh, si, si, si, I know you do….that scent….it drives me wild….when I feel down, I want you above me,” he sang just above a whisper. “I think you’d love to have me above you, wouldn’t you, mi Kurtito? Say it….tell me you want me above you…..I can’t do it until you tell me…I won’t touch you at all unless…..say it….tell me how much you want me above you…..” Finally, Kurt managed to murmur….”please, Javi…..I want you above me….now….” and as Kurt’s voice trailed off, Javi slowly inched toward Kurt until he was hovering above Kurt supporting himself on his arms. Kurt was lying on his back, knees bent, and Javi was on his knees between Kurt’s legs. Lowering himself just close enough so Kurt could feel the feathery touch of his lips on Kurt’s own, he sang, “I forget myself, I want you to remind me”…..Kurt, remind me why, I don’t want anybody else….and I don’t…..all I want is you….all of you, your touch….oh, no, mi Kurtito, not yet….I can’t let you touch me…but I’ll let you taste…just to remind you of..how much you want me…” and without preamble he ambushed Kurt’s mouth with a very, very wanton moan, kissed him, nibbling his lips ever so slightly, then returned to caressing him with his tongue, never quite letting up on that sensual moan. Kurt returned his kiss, pulling him closer, sighing, “Please, Javi…please…I want you, so much more of you…” meaning every word, still holding onto a shred of control, but wanting Javi to know just how very much he wanted him…in every way.

Javi turned Kurt’s body so he was laying on his side facing Javi, planting his hands on Kurt’s face without breaking the kiss, then just as quickly, effortlessly he flipped Kurt onto his back once again. He lowered his taut body, his face coming to rest on Kurt’s chest. He entwined their fingers and raised their hands just slightly above Kurt’s head, holding them fast against the pillow. Looking up from his position on Kurt’s chest, he returned his lips and his tongue to Kurt’s chin…and down his neck as Kurt arched, exposing more of it to Javi’s ministrations. He lingered at the soft skin where his throat ended and his chest began, slowly circling it with his tongue, kissing it…and then moving down Kurt’s chest. “My Kurtito, the beauty that is you…sometimes it overwhelms me. Say, for instance your chest, so masculine, so sexy….” and using the tip of his nose and his lips he caressed the light blanket of hair moving his face and his lips, breathing ever so slightly, his warm breath, fluttering over Kurt’s body, going from one nipple and then the other, back and forth, back and forth, as Kurt gasped and sighed beneath him…He let go of one of Kurt’s hands just long enough to push the covers down to just above Kurt’s waist, then reached for Kurt’s hand again, pinning him to the bed.

Javi’s lips moved on to the soft skin of Kurt’s concave belly, completely vulnerable….Kurt’s hands were of no use to him at the moment…. where he began to run his tongue around his navel….all the while listening to Kurt’s barely audible voice begging him to continue, then moaning for him to stop….Javi suddenly released Kurt’s hands, only to place his own hands on Kurt’s hips, holding them firmly on both sides, as Kurt struggled to move them reflexively in response to Javi’s efforts to please him, unable to stop himself, grasping Javi’s hair in both hands.

Javi slid his tongue deeply into Kurt’s navel, holding the pressure of his mouth and his tongue as firmly as he held Kurt’s hips, fluttering his tongue….Kurt could barely control himself, “Javi, stop….please, I can’t handle this…I can’t….” Javi whispered, “What Kurtito, what is it you want me to stop…let me help you, is it this you want me to stop?…” and he plunged his tongue into Kurt’s navel again, increasing the pressure until Kurt couldn’t stay still, he was almost whimpering….”Javi….no, you have to stop….oh, god…..yesssss, Javi, yessss…..” “Ohhhhh, mi poor, poor Kurtito,” and he sang ever so slowly and softly another brief song lyric, “I’d do anything for you”….but no, oh no, I’m sorry, I cannot stop….not now….I can’t leave you like this…..maybe, if I try this…..,” Javi lightly slipped the tip of his tongue into Kurt’s navel and pivoted it around the inside of the fragile core for a while as Kurt continued to plead with him to stop..to not stop….so hot! Javi thought, so very hot! He halted for only a second to ask, “Is that better, mi amante indefenso (my helpless lover)…….si, Javi, no Javi, si, si, si, no, no, no….so indecisive Kurtito…let me try this….” again, he inserted just the very tip of his tongue, curled it underneath the ridge of skin at the top of Kurt’s navel, working it like a tiny prong, up and down, up and down underneath….”I want you sooooo much…..touch me….please….touch me….now, now….”

I would llloooovveee to touch you, mi amor, but my hands are otherwise occupied….are you feeling a bit…confined? If you had said something earlier, maybe…You did? Hmmmm… I will release you soon enough…when I’m done, yes, when I’m done….but I’m not done…..soon? Si, maybe…or maybe no…sometimes this can take a very, very long time….” He released Kurt’s hips and again, crept up Kurt’s torso with the tip of his nose, his lips, his tongue until he was once again hovering over Kurt’s lips. He lowered himself until he was sitting on Kurt’s belly, just enough to keep him pinned to the bed, then holding Kurt’s head steadfast, he passionately claimed his mouth again, conquering its depths with his tongue.

Kurt was effectively restrained, but his body continued to betray him, his hips undulating, his hands reaching first for Javi’s face, then his hair, moving back and forth in no particular rhythm. He couldn’t get enough! He wanted Javi so badly! “Kurt, my delectable, tempting, ohhh soooo beddable Kurt, let me tell you what it feels like….you moving so uncontrollably beneath me…it makes me want to touch you everywhere…in all those forbidden places….you’re making me so hard, barely holding on to…..Ah, you’re asking me to stop again…” Finally, Javi released Kurt’s face, and had to catch his breath, then leaned close to Kurt’s ear, “ohhhh, mi corazon (my heart), now do you know how much I want you…all of you…can you feel me….I want to touch you and taste you….every bit of you…” he moaned.

Again, he crept down the bed, listening to Kurt catching his breath as well. When he reached Kurt’s belly, he began kissing and caressing it all over again, reaching for one of Kurt’s hands drawing it down, while lightly running one of his fingers underneath the waistband of his boxers, allowing Kurt’s hand to grasp his rigid cock, “Javi, mi Javito, I want you….I need you….please…” Kurt’s whole body was straining against his own touch, his bent legs falling open, “Touch me…..please….touch me, mi amor…..I want you to touch me…..give me your hand, Javi…” As Kurt’s hand began its rhythmic dance, Javi slipped off the foot of the bed to the floor, then placed his own hand over Kurt’s allowing it to rest on the shorts and move with Kurt. He knew that wasn’t what Kurt had meant, yet it would be enough…it would only make him want it more. “Javi, stop teasing me…..I need you to touch me…..I want to feel your hand on my cock…,” “oh, mi Kurtito, I would never tease you…never…everything I’m doing right now….it’s intended….deliberate….no, no, no teasing……I want you, mi Kurtito…..I only want to show you how sexy and hot you make me feel….”

It was time…and reaching for himself, he was more than ready. He allowed his imagination to take him to a place where he and Kurt were as one, joined body to body, heart to heart, then lifting his hand from Kurt’s, he began moving that hand up Kurt’s inner thigh until he reached the hem of his boxers. God! He was making himself crazy! All he could think about was how sensitive the skin was as he slid his hand up Kurt’s leg. As he heard Kurt’s breathing escalate, again, he lightly drew a finger back and forth just underneath the hem. He closed his eyes, even though there was no need to, waiting…just waiting for Kurt. When he felt his lover’s back arch, heard the timbre of his voice change as he repeated Javi’s name over and over, he freed himself of all control, “Oh, yessss! Mi Kurtito, yessss, yesss, yesss…!” and followed Kurt into ecstasy.

“Mi Javi, mi Javi, mi Javito….I….” Kurt was shaking, Javi could feel his body shaking….with real concern he said, “Kurt, are you okay?….I didn’t mean to…”

“Mi bebe Javito,” Kurt sort of laughed, “I’m fine, mi amor….that….it was one of the most intense….it felt soooo good…..your hand on mine….your kisses….and not being able to see you….all I could do was feel….dear god, Javi!” Javi, not caring about anything but Kurt, his Kurt, he moved to lay beside him again and kissed his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his ears, and then his mouth. “Oh my god, Javi….” Kurt was still catching his breath, “I’ve never felt like that…ever. I’ve never had anyone do that to me…” Javi asked as he slid his hand over Kurt’s chest, “Do what? Did I hurt you?” “No!” Kurt laughed, “whenever you….restrain me like that….I remember the first time you did that….you stopped me from kissing you until I’d almost reached a point of no return….then, a couple of times, not allowing me to use my hands. for anything! When you wouldn’t let me move my hips I was sure I was going to die from wanting you! I…..it was such a turn-on….” still sounding dazed by the experience.

Javi smiled to himself. This was something to store in his treasure chest of fantasies for future use. So, his Kurtito, liked a little….restraint? He relished the thought of teaching him the fine art of a bit of bondage.

“But you’ve kissed me like that,” Javi started to say, but Kurt, still dazed, said, “Yes, but only after you kissed me that way. I told you I was a fast learner and I figured if you liked kissing me like that, then you probably liked to be kissed that way, too.” Which is exactly why I attacked your navel and your belly the way I did, he thought to himself, remembering Kurt doing the very same thing to him, and yes, he was pretty sure he was going to die in the midst of all that indescribable pleasure/pain. Javi was smiling into the darkness, holding Kurt’s hand. When he’d told Kurt they were going to have so, so, so much fun together, he had no clue how much truth there was to that….things had just gotten so much more interesting…..