CHAPTER 5 – HOUSE OF SECRETS

Barbara bookmarked the page and laid the latest novel by Jodi Picoult beside her. Under normal circumstances she would be lying under a comforter, a cup of tea on the nightstand, anticipating the next chapter. But instead she was nervously waiting for her son to arrive. It was only a little after 11, well under his midnight curfew. But she’d been putting this off for a month, winter slowly giving way to spring. She was uncertain about what she wanted to say or ask, but she had to do something. She needed to be prepared. Once Blaine had made his sexual orientation known, she’d made it a point to educate herself about the gay community as a whole, focusing mostly on homosexuality. In truth, she should have taken her blinders off years ago, God knew she had every reason to have done so, but the combination of fear and loneliness and at times even hatred had stopped her.

She could never regain the 15 years of her son’s life that she had so carelessly tossed into the dumpster of her marital problems and angst. Her counterfeit marriage would remain the lie that it was as long as she stayed with Laine. And there had been many times when she’d seriously considered throwing in the towel and just leaving with Blaine in tow. But she was pretty sure that in order to maintain the happiness Blaine had been exhibiting of late leaving Lima wasn’t an option. If what she suspected was true, she wasn’t going to be the one to extinguish that flash of joy in his eyes and uproot him a fifth time. If necessary, she’d wait out the next three years until he had established his college life. What she’d do once she left Laine, and she was positive that that was her plan….well, that was up in the air. She’d been given some workable ideas and the encouragement to carry them out. And she’d taken several online courses that highlighted her strengths and her interests. She’d have three more years to organize some sort of game plan. If she was good at nothing else, she was good at organizing.

Purposefully tugging her mind back to the present, once again she reminded herself that right now her main concern was Blaine. She was pleased that he’d made friends. He rarely had trouble with that. After four moves in 15 years, he’d become pretty resilient. She was almost thankful that Dalton wasn’t as sports-oriented as the other schools he attended. He really wasn’t into contact sports, other than watching football on TV, but to satisfy Laine he’d participated in them. No, the Warblers were the perfect fit for him. She was glad she’d convinced Laine that dance lessons would be helpful. Although how he felt about that decision now was uncertain. He’d probably stuffed it down there where he kept all the things he didn’t want to deal with in life. How had she not seen his single-minded focus on his work and career before they’d married? Then, she’d considered it ambitious, and her parents were delighted, of course. Move after move had created a distance between she and her family, yet she was actually grateful that they couldn’t see and didn’t know what her marriage had become.

When she heard the front door open, she waited for Blaine to take off his coat and then greeted him from the top of the stairs. There is was again, that gleam in his eyes, the half-smile on his face as if his mind was in some place that only he knew. There was no way even a great group of new friends could create that expression on anyone’s face and she met it with a mixture of joy and apprehension. He didn’t know it, but his heart was visible, the rhythm of it beating on his entire demeanor. “Did you have fun tonight, dear?”

“Oh! Hi, Mom! Yeah….is Dad home?” He looked around cautiously as if he were afraid Laine would appear at any second, just lying in wait to rip any semblance of joy right out of his life. “No, he’s still in New York for a few days.” She understood Blaine’s feeling. When he was home, either you left him alone in his study to work or you tried to avoid any unnecessary contact; what a sad state of affairs. He wasn’t abusive and he rarely spoke to either of them, but still….when he did it was usually to criticize or to ask questions he knew they didn’t want to answer.

As she descended the stairs, she asked, “Do you have some time to talk?” Blaine was getting used to this and at first he’d been on guard, feeling uneasy with this new mom. He’d probably said more to his mother in the time since he’d come out than he had in all the prior years put together. But now, he almost welcomed their chats. She was trying so hard to make up for lost time and he didn’t have the heart to discourage her. She was still trapped in their sham of a marriage, just like he was trapped in a non-relationship with his father.

“Sure, Mom….can I get a Coke first? You want anything?” Blaine returned with the two glasses he’d filled with Coke and ice, setting them on the colorful coasters on the end tables. Settling themselves into the buttery softness of the leather couch, Blaine glanced a his mom thinking about how two months ago this would never have been happening. Like Kurt, coming out to his parents had strengthened at least one relationship, something he’d never expected.

Barbara smiled at him tentatively. “I have a question, Blaine.” He laughed, “Mom, you say that every time we sit down like this. Sure, what is it?” “I don’t know how to say this, but…” she tried to gather the thoughts that had scattered like windblown leaves as soon as she tried to rake them into a solitary thought, “is there someone…special in your life…I mean whose more than just a friend?”

Blaine had thought he was ready for this question, but when it was laid out like that in front of him he could barely think. “Um….you mean like….a um….” “Yes, Blaine, I mean like a boyfriend. There, does that help? I’m not asking because I disapprove. I’m asking because if you do, I want to talk about…it….him…” Okay, what did he say now? She already knew he was gay. Asking him about this was the next logical step, especially considering how he’d been feeling and acting lately. It was hard to hide Kurt Hummel, even though he was as yet nameless to his mom, when you were drowning in love with him. “Why….uhhh….why do you ask?” he managed to croak. As she gently took one of his hands, her green eyes softened, “Blaine, I know this will sound ridiculous, but sometimes when you walk through that door you positively glow. When a person is in love, it’s hard to hide. You want to tell the whole world. But I’m sure you feel in your case you can’t…can you?” “Mom….do we…can’t this wait…” As she shook her head, she said, “No, it can’t.” The look on his face prompted her to say, “You don’t need to look so frightened. I’m so happy for you! And I’m honestly not worried about your father suspecting. He’s not around enough and we both know if he did figure it out, he wouldn’t care about you and your feelings, he’d care about how it affected him.”

“I actually suspected when you told us you were gay. You’ve known that for a very long time, so why bring it up now? Why not wait until you’re in college and away from home? Why not wait until Lima is a part of your past? You pretty much knew what the reaction would be so why bring that down on your head now if you didn’t have to? And your friends, do any of them know? I guess I’m maybe hoping to do some strategic planning if possible. I’m thrilled that your happy, but you…we…we need to think ahead. I don’t plan on telling your father; that’s for you to do if you want to. But we both know what it’ll be like if he does find out, so I’m prepared to help you if I can.”

Blaine let out a long sigh, first raising his eyes to the ceiling and then examining the hand she held, “Mom, what can you do if he finds out? And yeah I do have a…a…um, boyfriend,” he couldn’t help but smile a little when he said it; Kurt wasn’t just a boyfriend…he was..everything! “That’s not for you to worry about, Blaine…his narrow-minded selfishness is not your problem….it’s his and I’ve lived with it far longer than you have, so just let me take care of what might…happen.”

Then her smile turned to an impish grin and just like a friend hoping to share the latest gossip, she leaned towards him and almost whispered, “Who is he? What’s he like? Where did you meet him?” “Mom!” Blaine was blushing, “Stop! His name is Kurt, I met him at the Lima Bean…no we met at Breadsticks….but I first saw him at the Lima Bean. He goes to McKinley.” He took out his phone and showed her the solitary photo he kept of him. He was even nervous about that, so he’d also kept some photos of other “friends” he’d made in Lima, male and female.

She studied the picture like there might be a test. He was very handsome….almost beautiful! “How long have you known him?” she inquired, “And what about his parents, do they….” Blaine shook his head, “About six months I guess.” As if he didn’t know the exact date and time their eyes had met over Cokes while sitting in a booth at Breadsticks. “I had to work up the courage to tell you and Dad about…the other..” he cleared his throat, “about being gay ya know….um, his mom died when he was about four, but his Dad knows….and his stepmom and stepbrother. He came out about three years ago I guess….” His voiced trailed off. What else could he say? Part of him was glad that she’d asked, but it was hard talking to your mother about your love life, about THE love of your life. It was awkward. “So, is that it?” he asked half-rising from the couch. Barbara smiled up at her son, “Look, Blaine, I know this isn’t easy to talk about with your mother, especially one you haven’t been able to trust for most of your life, so yes…but we need to talk about this again and probably more than once. There are things we need to consider…but I’m happy for you, so happy for you! Now go,” she laughed, “before I ask more questions.” He laughed a little too, picked up his Coke and quickly made his escape up the stairs.

Holding the bannister, he looked back at his mom for just a minute, allowing a rush of love he’d been holding back for so long to flow over him. He’d always believed that he would have to go it alone after telling them he was gay. That they might even send him to another school far away from Lima. It was comforting to know that he had at least one adult on his side because this was scary. Well, actually, he had three if he counted Burt and Carole and he did. He wasn’t exactly sure what his mom could or couldn’t do and the whole conversation had been rather vague other than the specific questions about Kurt. But in some ways he felt relieved. Kurt wasn’t someone he had to hide from yet one more person. They had each dealt with who to tell based on who asked. It wasn’t like they could stand up in front of the entire population of Lima or even the entire student bodies of McKinley and Dalton to share their “good news.” So far, few had asked, but each day brought the possibility that someone might. Maybe people his age were less aware of the “glow” that his mom had picked up on? He wanted to believe that anyway.

At last! He hurriedly closed the door to his bedroom behind him. His bedroom had been a sanctuary no matter how many houses they lived in. He’d never really been able to view any of those well-appointed but heart-empty suburban buildings as home. He plopped onto the bed and swiped his phone.

Why had this happened? Was it his fault? God knows he’d read enough about it and talked it to death in therapy! He hated the memory of his angry, irritated words when his current therapist asked him, “How did you respond to him?” speaking of Blaine’s revelation of a couple months ago. And as much therapy as he’d had, he’d had to say, “The same way I always do….damn it! And I still hate myself and I still can’t let go! My life would be destroyed! I’d have to start again…and again!” The man on the other side of the desk, the person who he always wished could give him a different answer or better yet a cure, asked, “And would starting again be such a bad thing? Would it be worse than what you call the lie you’ve been living with? You might think of it as freeing not just for you but for your wife and son.” That had been a week ago. He’d honestly tried to think of it that way, but the fear….it was just too overwhelming.

That two-letter word that had chased him down every single day of his adult life. That “it” that he wouldn’t allow to define his life. Which is why he’d buried himself in his work and let that, his career, his prestige define him instead. Hell! He couldn’t even call “it” by its proper name! He knew Barb thought he was a heartless bastard and with good reason. But how could he let anyone get too close? Close enough to discover his capital sin. He hated thinking about it that way, but he’d been raised in church where “it” was one of the biggies, one that had been literally pounded from the pulpit even when he was too young to really understand what fueled so much boiling over passion. And when he finally reached an age when he did understand, he was positive that hot breath of hatred was directed at him alone. No one else in the silent congregation, just him.

Staring at the ceiling, he looked over at the person lying next to him. They’d met in New York years ago and whenever he was there they made a point of spending time together. He had a person like this in almost every city he traveled to regularly. Barb believed his affairs were all with women…because he’d purposely tried to lead her in that direction, and some were…Why had he ever decided to marry? He’d thought this to death fruitlessly seeking a reasonable answer…like it would change anything. In the upper middle class circles his family ran in, that’s what you did back then. He was destined to become the businessman he was. His father had made that clear and had even been the one to teach him a lot of what he knew…and he’d went along with “the plan” because he didn’t want to rock the boat. What he was hiding, and had been hiding even from himself for so many years, could never, ever be revealed. So, the less he rocked the boat, the less likely he’d ever be confronted with it.

And no one needed to verbalize what was simply a fact of that lifestyle. But of course he needed a wife. It wasn’t a matter of what he wanted. It came with the package of the career, the life, that had been chosen for him. He’d known Barb for several years, but hadn’t chosen her because he was in love with her. She had been his choice because she fit the mold for a businessman’s wife. He wanted to believe he loved her…or at least could love her enough to make the marriage work. He had to marry someone; that was just a given, and he liked Barb. If he had to live a double life at least he’d prefer to live it with someone he liked…..not that he’d planned to live a double life. He’d promised himself a millions times back then that he would conquer this….thing. Yeah, he’d conquered it all right, now there was a laugh!

Part of him had wanted kids, but he was certain that that would only further complicate an already far too complicated situation. So, when Barb had told him she was expecting, he’d done a very poor job of appearing to be as excited as she was. He realized she believed that having Blaine was the first bud of the tangled branches wrapping around their hearts and suffocating the supposed love they had for each other, but he knew better. They’d been married about five years at the time. In truth, he thought she’d allowed herself to get pregnant because she was lonely and was hoping a child would fill the void. Of course, she was busy with her charitable organizations and clubs, but that wasn’t family. He’d tried to love Blaine as a child should be loved and whether they believed it or not, he did love him. He loved him enough to stay away from him hoping he wouldn’t have to struggle with what Laine had and still did. Was that really love? All he knew was that the closer he allowed himself to be to anyone, the more likely it would be that they’d learn the truth, and as far as he was concerned, in his case the truth would most certainly not set anyone free.

Twenty-five years ago the world had been a different place….off-center… for people like him. No one talked about “sexual orientation.” They didn’t talk about how to deal with it because back then “sexual orientation” wasn’t viable; it didn’t exist. If you dared to step outside societal norms, you were a “queer,” a “lezzy,” a “drag queen.” A whole encyclopedia of derogatory names and labels would become your life and legacy. You weren’t human, you were abnormal. You weren’t born this way; you chose to be “that way.” Even some of the supposedly enlightened therapists seemed to squirm behind their desks when he told them why he was in their offices.

So, he’d created a shell around himself and his heart, not allowing it to feel, beating only to keep him physically alive. He chose jobs that required lots of travel. That way he didn’t have to deal with his “family.” The more he wasn’t around them, the less the chances of them finding out. But the fortress he’d had to build in order to keep them out had destroyed any chance for a real relationship with either of them. He had had to sacrifice them on the altar of denying to himself who….no not who…what he was. Always what; to say it was who he was implied that “it” was an innate part of his personality, his psyche, and he refused to accept that that might be true. And although anonymity wasn’t guaranteed, it was easier to feed his real desires in a place where he and especially, they didn’t live.

When Blaine had told them he was gay, Laine didn’t doubt it for a second…but he just couldn’t handle the idea, at least in that moment. He’d guessed long ago, but was always in hope that he was wrong. Denial had become his default setting. He couldn’t bear the thought that he might have caused it in some way, although in what was left of his heart he knew there was nothing and no one to blame. Although Blaine would never know it, Laine really did love him (he had to keep telling himself that; someone had to believe it). If he hadn’t he wouldn’t have pushed him out of his life. It had been a matter of self-preservation for both of them, in his eyes. The idea that Blaine might have to suffer a life of constant scrutiny, cruelty and hatred made him sick. He wiped away the tears he hated as much as he hated himself, reaching out for the warm body beside him hoping that the comfort of another human being would supply the sleep he so desperately needed.

Most of the messages were from Kurt and as far as he was concerned those were the only ones that mattered. He smiled at all the emojis they used to talk without really talking, their own secret code, just in case, but at the very end were the two words that made his heart soar, “me too.” He’d used those words the night of their first kiss. Both had wanted to say, “I love you,” but Blaine just wasn’t ready to hear that yet. He didn’t know why. If he didn’t love Kurt then he didn’t love anybody. And he didn’t have to wonder if Kurt felt the same, but Kurt had gone along with it. Although Blaine wasn’t aware of this, one of the reasons Kurt followed suit was because saying those words would be another first and he wanted that occasion to be as special as their first kiss. So, they’d gotten in the habit of saying, “me too.” Deep inside they knew that after they took that step, they would be faced with probably the most important and scariest step. A step that would forever cement their relationship in each other’s memories. He couldn’t imagine ever living without Kurt again. His teenage hope was that they’d carry that and all of their memories into a future together forever.

After he’d savored every single message three or four times, Blaine closed his eyes and conjured up a vision of them in front of a cozy fire on the porch. Except for a few Sunday evenings when they’d gone to the movies, they’d spent every Saturday and Sunday night in yet another sanctuary, but this time not just for Blaine, but for both of them. As Kurt had warned, their privacy would be less after that first night. Every once in awhile Burt would knock and either ignore them or just send a, “Hey guys”, their way, continuing on to his real or contrived errand that had required his having to walk through the porch. Once in a while he’d send Carole, presumably to not look so obvious, but of course they knew what was going on. The only person who was not allowed was Finn. Burt had made it clear that Kurt and Blaine deserved just as much privacy as he and Quinn and he’d reinforced that Finn was not allowed to tease him about Blaine. That worked in his dad’s presence, but when they weren’t in Burt or Carole’s presence, all bets were off. That was okay. As much as it sometimes got under his skin, he knew Finn wasn’t being malicious. He’d had enough teasing in his lifetime to know.

Blaine sighed. He was still in awe that he could feel this way about anyone or that anyone would ever feel this way about him. Kurt was on his mind every waking moment and when they were together it was like they were magnets, totally unable to resist the urges that drew them together. Everything about Kurt was perfect. Blaine’s hands had tentatively mapped every inch of Kurt’s upper torso, his lips retracing their steps, and just when he thought he knew Kurt’s upper body as intimately as he ever would, he found another hot spot where electricity sparked at his touch.

And when Kurt touched him? It was like liquid heat dashing through every nerve ending. And part of the thrill was that both were learning from each other. No matter how many books that could be written about the how-tos of intimacy, sensuality, sex, nothing could prepare a person for the initial voyage, and that’s what they were on, their initial voyage.

And then there was that element of surprise. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected from Kurt, but he’d never expected him to be so sensitive to Blaine’s desires. Unafraid to ask what he liked, what he didn’t like, how he could make something that already felt soooo good, feel even better. He felt more relaxed and comfortable because of it…and he tried to reciprocate.

And often their questions were met with, “No that tickles. Not there. Slower.” And occasionally they’d burst into fits of laughter at the questions and answers, at the very least lightening the mood, sometimes even destroying it. They didn’t care; all of it was fun! It was just all so new.

And the time that in their rush to remove the annoying clothing barrier between them? They’d found themselves on the floor, Kurt landing on top of him hitting the coffee table with his foot. He’d quickly put his finger to his lips just in case someone had heard and might come rushing to make sure that nothing earth-shattering had happened. Almost holding their breath and lying so still, Blaine had gotten a leg cramp. He’d hobbled around the room until it lost its power and returned to where Kurt was sitting on the floor, his shirt partially unbuttoned, his hair a mess.

Relatively sure by then that their privacy wasn’t going to be interrupted, he’d leaned toward Kurt, his kiss soft and inviting, resuming the march down his shirt, releasing each remaining button that kept him from Kurt’s toned body. But before he could finish, he found himself flat on the floor, Kurt’s glasz eyes boring into his own as he sat atop Blaine’s belly. As their eyes locked….and after what seemed like an eternity….Kurt leaned over whispering, “soooo much more room on the floor…”And from there, tentative had progressed to bolder. Their desires hadn’t changed, but they’d metamorphosed into an almost intolerable aching need. Sort of what he imagined climbing a mountain would feel like for the first time. Here you were, clinging to the edge, moving higher and higher, loving the journey but ever more anxious for the goal. Well, not the goal exactly….all he knew is that their bodies were fighting desperately to avoid responding to feelings that couldn’t be denied. Was this really what it was like to love someone?

They seemed to have so much in common. He never seemed to get bored listening to Kurt. He loved it when they’d get so excited about some topic and their words would tumble over each other until, again, laughter would break the momentum of the convoluted conversation. Usually it was Kurt who would grow quiet. Then, he’d say something like “go on,” and attempt to be the good listener he was most of the time. Although the physical side of their relationship seemed to take precedence most of the time, Blaine knew that wasn’t true. He’d even gone so far as to look up all the definitions of love he could find! Yes, he was deeply “in love” – he had no doubt about that, but did the combination of overwhelming physical attraction and enjoying another’s company add up to true love? A forever love?

Kurt was unsuccessfully trying to watch a movie with his dad and Carole. It was even a movie he’d wanted to see, but he just couldn’t keep his mind on it. Every situation or conversation turned into a thought about Blaine. He wasn’t just in love with him, he loved him. There were so many things he loved about him….his voice, his curly hair, his lips and the way he kissed. He was so attentive and easy to talk to. And he’d told him many times that he loved this or that about him, but much as he yearned to say it, he didn’t want to say it…..not yet. He’d watched other couples who said I love you all the time…and after a while it seemed to just turn into a familiar phrase…almost like saying “bless you” when someone sneezed…could that lackadaisical familiarity with such important words be avoided? Uhhhhh! Why continue to fight the spinning wheel of his thoughts and the strained tightrope of his feelings? He’d watch the movie, try to focus on anything his dad or Carole said, and then escape to his room where he could at least text Blaine and they could exchange “me toos” and share this time in cyberspace if not in person.

The last Sunday evening they’d spent together? Had it only been four days? Kurt closed his eyes, still being torn in half by what they were feeling. It wasn’t just him and he knew it. They were both getting bolder with each new bit of intimate knowledge that came their way. Like when he touched Blaine’s left nipple, or better yet, when he kissed it and then took it between his lips and then his teeth? Or when he took a lazy stroll with his tongue through his sensate mouth, eliciting begging moans, and then stopped, taking Blaine’s tongue between his lips, slowly sucking on it….and then Blaine would run his fingers through his hair, gripping it tightly as if he needed an anchor to hold onto before he exploded. Or when Blaine would take his face in his hands, kissing him so thoroughly his lips would become deliciously tender…or the time Blaine had kissed and tongued his way from his chin all the way down to his waist…that alone had almost made him cave in….but oh then he’d accidentally tasted his navel with that tongue….ohmigod! Kurt’s resolve had almost dissolved that night. And when Blaine noticed his reaction, Kurt could almost see the smile on his face as he experimentally, and then more forcefully, explored this new erogenous zone neither even knew existed. The mere thought of Blaine being the helpless recipient…..it made him shiver. There was no doubt in his mind that he was going to “experiment” on Blaine the next time….hoping that Blaine’s response would be as frenzied as Kurt’s had been.

Kurt had been positive that when this moment in his life arrived, he’d know what to do. After all, he’d lived with this reality for a very long time, but that was before the reality had come to life. But….so, he knew he loved Blaine without a doubt, but did Blaine love him…..without a doubt? Saying “me too” was fine, even fun….but….he wanted to hear that Blaine loved him….without being prompted…He knew it wasn’t fair to expect him to do something he didn’t even know Kurt was waiting for. He was even kind of relieved when that uncharacteristically impulsive Kurt had almost said, “I love you,” after their first kiss…but Blaine had stopped him. So why did this have to be so complicated? He didn’t have the answer to that. Yet he knew he would never take that decisive step until he knew Blaine loved him…without a doubt. He sighed.

This was stupid! No, it’s not stupid! another part of his brain shouted. It’s the height of intimacy between two people, a moment neither of you can ever take back! Your lives are already intertwined. Taking that step, for better or worse, will glue you together for life. And Kurt knew his brain spoke the truth. Sometimes he hated his intensity, his sensitivity….

Barbara closed her eyes and leaned back onto the couch. Again, she had to wonder how her life had come to this. Before Blaine had revealed his true self to them, she could at least pretend that she didn’t know what she did. She still remembered how she’d figured it out, the added pain to an already crumbled marriage and then slowly she’d done just what Laine had, stuck the information in a place where her heart couldn’t be touched by it. Oh, yes! He had done a very good job of hiding the other side to his secret life. She knew by now that he had purposely led her in the direction of affairs when all along she thought he was just being careless, and in public he appeared to be the ladies’ man without overdoing it. But back in the day when people still actually sent post cards via snail mail, one had arrived….and then another…and another from the Bahamas. She’d sat down with them in hand reading and rereading all three of them countless times. Love notes covered with X’s and O’s. Any love that might have remained for him disappeared in the wake of someone’s carelessly sent vacation missives to their lover.

And now that knowledge was valuable to her as she knew it would be someday. After that, she watched for any signs of his affairs, picking apart every receipt, the scent of perfume or cologne lingering on his clothing, all of the little things that told her that in the time he was away, which was 75% of his time, he hadn’t been alone or lonely. She was the only one suffering from loneliness. She had wanted to turn to her son so badly, to give him the love that he not only deserved but that might ease her pain or at least some of it, but she hadn’t, it would seem she couldn’t. She was afraid….so afraid…to love him. Of course he was still a child at the time, but one day he’d become a teen and then an adult…and what if he rejected her just like his father had? At the very least, he would grow up and not need her anymore. She just couldn’t stand the thought of no one needing or wanting her yet again so she’d buried herself in projects, charities, groups, clubs….But now? He did need her and she couldn’t resist the urge to finally feel cared for and needed, no matter her somewhat twisted logic. She’d think about that……later. Blaine needed someone on his side in this house. And she held the key to controlling Laine’s ability to hurt Blaine any further. If she had to she would use that knowledge like a club to keep him away from Blaine’s newfound happiness. What would his coworkers and higher-ups think if she told them? What if she told his family? Or what passed for old and new friends in his life?

If she had to, she would use it. And no matter what, Blaine was bound to be hurt for a time, but not by his father’s words and in the end not by his actions. Blaine had no clue that his father’s response to his announcement about his being gay had very little to do with Blaine and much more to do with his father’s hypocritical closeted skeletons. And Barb would keep it that way if she could. Maybe she wouldn’t have the three years she’d hoped for after all, but she wasn’t completely alone. Several years ago she had found a support group online and she was involved in their discussions on a regular basis. She….no they….her and Blaine would be fine. The fact that Blaine was growing up and would someday not need her anymore was still a possibility, but why waste any more precious time concerning herself with the future? Now was what they had and she wasn’t going to waste it ever again.