CHAPTER 53 – KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER

CHAPTER 53 – KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER

Kurt took a deep breath of the chilly air and walked through the door.  The Lima Bean, it was almost like walking down the halls of McKinley High, except it smelled delicious. Lots of memories inside these walls.  Some things rarely changed and the Lima Bean still looked almost the same as it had when he and Blaine met here years ago, planning their future, working out whatever the latest problems might be. This is where Blaine had told Kurt he loved him for the first time. Javi was right, you never forgot, it branded your heart like fire and iron just like the song said.  The color scheme was slightly different, even homier than it used to be, and there were a few more booths.  Kurt scanned the tables and booths, but didn’t see Blaine so he decided to order and wait at one of the tables; somewhere they could talk, but not too out of the way completely.  It was a Tuesday so he was hoping they wouldn’t see anyone familiar.  He wanted to keep their conversation on track and as short as he could make it.

They’d arrived in Fort Wayne yesterday, rented a car and drove to Lima without incident.  Javi wanted Kurt to drive because he knew the best route and Javi wasn’t at all familiar with Ohio or Indiana.  So far, the weather hadn’t been a problem, just cold, and after living in California for a few months, he could tell his body thermostat had changed.  Javi must be freezing here!  Even with all the sweaters and heavy clothing.  

They’d spent yesterday afternoon and evening talking with Burt and Carole, Javi getting acquainted with them, everyone trying to put everyone else at ease.  Javi truly had a gift when it came to making people feel comfortable.  Of course, doing what he did for a living being a people person was almost a requirement, but it served him well as they sat around the kitchen table exchanging information and thoughts, nothing very heavy.  Carole had made a delicious pot roast with mashed potatoes and fresh peas.  She’d made Kurt’s favorite dessert, angel food cake with buttercream frosting.  She’d even made sure she had the espresso Kurt told her Javi liked.  They’d joked about how he’d be up all night after drinking two cups and Javi told them the same thing he’d told Kurt about how people in Mexico started drinking coffee even as kids.  They’d been up very early and when Burt noticed how tired Kurt looked, he told them they should get some sleep, and they agreed.  The time difference, though not that long, could wreak havoc with your system.  After they got settled in the bedrooms upstairs and said good night, Kurt had wandered into the guest room, sitting down on the edge of the queen-size bed where Javi was laying reading a book.  He smiled up at Kurt and said, “So far, so good, Kurtito?”  The nickname sounded even more loving for some reason sitting here in the house he’d grown up in.  “Very good, mi amor.  They like you, I might even venture to say a lot!”  “Well, I’m a very likeable guy!”  Javi laughed.  Kurt leaned over to give him a kiss, “I would even venture to say a very lovable guy, mi corazon.”  As they kissed good night, Kurt wished him sweet dreams.  Back in his bedroom, he noticed that not much had changed, even after he’d moved to California.  He thought maybe they’d have turned this room into something more useful by now.  It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep.  He was surprised when he woke up to discover he’d slept so deeply.  He was sure thoughts of today would trouble his slumber.  Kurt hoped that was a good sign.  When he left the house, Carole and Javi were sitting in the living room, Carole asking all kinds of questions about his music and travels and even some of the videos she and Burt had watched.  Javi had stopped just a minute, while Carole discreetly excused herself leaving them a few moments alone.

Kurt put on the dreaded coat and scarf and shoved some gloves in his pocket.  Javi kissed him and gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile, “I’ll be here when you get back, mi amor, right here for you.  If you want to talk then just give me a nod and if not we’ll talk whenever you’re ready.  Kurt ran his fingers through Javi’s curls, “I’ll be fine, mi Javito, but I’m very glad you’re here.  I’ll see you soon.”  “Call if you need me, Kurt; I’m sure your mom will take me anywhere I need to go.”  He kissed and hugged Kurt again and watched him leave silently praying for him and his tender heart.  He’d never doubted that this meeting needed to take place if for no other reason so that Kurt could move on, but he knew none of it was easy.

Kurt’s thoughts abruptly returned to his immediate surroundings when he heard a familiar voice say, “Hi, Kurt!”  He looked up into the hazel eyes he hadn’t seen in two years, “Hi, Blaine.  I already ordered, he held up his coffee cup.”  “So I see!  Well, I’ll just go get some.  I’ll be right back.”  Kurt nodded and tried to compose himself before Blaine returned, trying to remember his questions as if he hadn’t memorized them for a month; somehow, they seemed to have escaped, like they were far too willing to leave the supposed safety of his brain.  

When Blaine sat down opposite him, Blaine smiled and leveled his gaze, “So, how are you?”  “Cold, I’m not used to this kind of weather anymore.”  Dear God!  Let’s start with something important like the weather!  “Yeah, pretty sure it’s not anything like this in California.  By the way, love the earrings, man!” “Oh, thanks.”  Blaine looked a little closer, “I get the birthstone, but what’s the other one about?”  He knew Kurt rarely wore jewelry that didn’t have some significance in his life.  “It’s a gift from a friend.”  “Very nice friend I would say, Kurt!”  Blaine replied.

They were both silent and finally Kurt cleared his throat, took a sip of coffee, and asked, “How are things in New York with you and Barry?”  Blaine looked down at the table.  This was the Kurt he knew and had loved, still loved?, straight and to the point.  “Um, Barry and I aren’t together anymore.  It’s a long story, but he’s moving to LA with a couple other guys.  I’ve been invited to join them when I graduate, but I haven’t decided anything yet.”  “Oh! well, I’m sorry it didn’t work out,” Kurt said, and he was.  Two years ago he wouldn’t have said that, but by now he’d reached a point where he only wished Blaine the best.  He didn’t know whether to be surprised by his reaction or not.  What did he think he should feel?  That could wait for later.

“What about you, Kurt?”  “What about me what?”  Blaine half-smiled, “Have you met anybody?  Are you seeing someone?”  Kurt looked him right in the eye, just like he’d practiced, and those laser-beam eyes said more than his words ever could, “Yeah, I am.”  “Serious?” Blaine asked.  “Yeah, pretty serious….well, actually, very serious.  I mean we’re not living together or anything yet, but yeah it’s serious.”  Blaine swallowed and said, “So, you’re in love with him? How long have you been together?”  Kurt took a moment, it really wasn’t any of Blaine’s business how long he’d known Javi, but it was an honest question and he saw no reason not to answer it.  “Yes, we’re very much in love and I’ve known him for about 5 months.  I met him not long after I moved to San Diego.”  Oh, well I’m happy for you,”  Blaine said quietly, trying to  hide the fact that he was not very happy at all.  “Thank you,” was all Kurt could think to say.

“So, um, I have some questions and I hope you can answer them or at least give me some insight.”  Kurt ventured.  “Yeah, so you said.”  Kurt looked at Blaine again and sighed.  “Look, it’s been two years, Blaine.  What happened….well, it’s history.  All I want for you is nothing but good.  But, it was my fault I didn’t ask these questions when I should have.”  Oh, I understand….” Blaine began.  “No, please listen.  Don’t let me off the hook.  You wanted to talk then and I wouldn’t let you.  I don’t know if you had the answers to these questions two years ago, but I hope you do now.  And I’m sorry that I wouldn’t listen and that it took me this long.  Really, I’m very sorry.”

Blaine didn’t know what to say.  He was the one who had cheated.  He was the one who hadn’t been honest enough to sort out their problems together…and Kurt was apologizing to him?  “Kurt, please, ask me anything and I hope I have the answers, but you have nothing to apologize for….never, not to me you don’t.”

“Well, okay, anyway….I know relationships are a two-way street and what happened….well, there had to be something I was or wasn’t doing.   It couldn’t have been just you.  I know I can be bossy sometimes and I know I probably expected things of you that you weren’t ready for.  True?”  “Kurt…yes, you can be bossy, that’s true,”  Blaine sort of laughed, “but honestly I don’t think you expected anything of me that I wasn’t ready for….if anything, when you expected something, you just said so.  Sometimes your honesty could be brutal, I admit, but….no.  You expected the same honesty from me.  You never expected more of me than you did of yourself.  This is how I see it.  I was terribly insecure, but you knew that.  You’re the one who suggested counseling and that’s when and where I should have worked out those insecurities.”  “Well, did you ever feel like you couldn’t talk to me?  Did I ever make you feel….less than me or inferior, I guess?”  

“Kurt, why would you think that? You tried every way I know to draw me out…and instead I hid from you, that’s how insecure I was.  And we already talked about how you were growing and changing. What were you supposed to do?  Somehow quit maturing so I could catch up?  You could no more do that than you could stop breathing!  I just couldn’t handle it like I should have.  If I’d done it the right way, we’d still be together.”  And there it was.  Would they still be together, Kurt wondered?  That didn’t matter either; they weren’t.  

“Okay, then, what about our love life?  Could I have done something to make you feel more loved, more wanted?  I always thought our sex life was pretty good; in fact, sometimes I thought it was great!  Was I wrong?  Did I not see something that I should have?”  Blaine couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  As far as he was concerned Kurt had done nothing to deserve what Blaine had done to him.  “Kurt, stop.  Please.  I’m the one who totally screwed up our relationship.  And our sex life, our love life…there was nothing wrong at all.  I know you don’t want to hear this, but I am as sorry as a person can be for what happened between us.  If any of the problems we had were caused by you, they weren’t anything we couldn’t have worked out if I’d done what I should have, continued counseling together, been honest with you.  The fact is I threw away the best thing I ever had, you.  Whoever you’re with now, he’s the luckiest guy in the world and I hope he knows it.”  

Kurt didn’t know what to say.  He had fully expected to come into this conversation finding out there was something he could have done, improved, fixed…so he wouldn’t repeat his mistakes, but according to Blaine there wasn’t, not a single thing.  He didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh or cry or both!  Sitting across from him was the man he had considered the love of his life, his best friend, his soulmate….and he was acting like he still was, he was being honest and kind, none of the blaming or revelations about Kurt’s own past bad behavior that Kurt had expected.  Javi had been right.  Blaine had changed….for the better or so it appeared.  

He tried to push that thought aside.  That didn’t matter either.  He was glad for Blaine.  But whether he’d changed or not didn’t affect Kurt’s life or what he’d told Javi.  Changed Blaine or not, he was a complication they didn’t need and being Blaine’s friend was a complication.  He loved Javi too much to bring that into their lives and he loved himself too much….now there was a genuine surprise!

“Blaine, I don’t know what to say.  I really don’t know what I expected but….well, this wasn’t it for sure.  Are you positive there wasn’t something I did or didn’t do?  Really, you won’t hurt my feelings.  I’m not perfect!”

“Kurt,” Blaine shook his head, “you’re perfect enough, remember, how perfectly imperfect you are?”  Kurt had to smile, “Yes, I remember.”  “Look, I don’t want to mess up your life or your new relationship, but….is there any possibility that you and I could at least be friends?  If we were nothing else to each other, we were always, always friends, best friends.  I realize we can never be best friends again…but…I don’t know.  When I get back to New York I’m starting counseling again…and I want to thank you because I would never have made that decision if you hadn’t called me and asked for this meeting.”

“Blaine, what kind of friends could we be with me in San Diego and you in New York?  You’ve got new friends and so do I.  It’s not like we could meet in the middle….like St. Louis or something to have coffee or brunch every week or even every month.  And what would we talk about?  The past?  Our future plans which for me include Javi,” Damn!  He’d meant to keep Javi’s name out of this, “Really?  Do you really want to talk about my new boyfriend?  Or even text or have phone conversations about him and me?  I’ve talked this over with him already.  No matter what he’d leave a decision like that in my hands, but I just don’t see the point.”  So that was “the friend” who gave Kurt the earring; Blaine had been wondering what the letter J was all about. 

“Well, what if I move to LA?  We wouldn’t be far from each other, ya know.  Kurt, we were soulmates.  Even if I didn’t act like one in the end, does it mean we aren’t still soulmates?  Can’t we at least try?”

“Blaine, I’ll be honest.  I’m not sure I trust you with my soul anymore or even my heart…as a friend.  I can see you’ve changed and I’m impressed that you’re getting counseling…I am too as a matter of fact, but I don’t know….how about if and when you move to LA, we text about it then.  I’m not interested in having you as a long distance friend.  To me that’s pointless.  And I won’t do anything until I talk to Javi.  I love him, Blaine.  I see a bright future for us.  It took a lot of pain and heartache for us to finally find each other.  I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize what we have, not for anybody or anything….ever.”

Blaine was quiet.  He took another sip of his by now lukewarm coffee.  Kurt was right and he knew that, but if he would even consider any kind of relationship….well, he’d sort of kind of left the door open and Blaine wasn’t going to let it shut if he could help it.  Again, Kurt had been brutally honest and although it wasn’t what Blaine had really wanted to hear, at least he knew where he stood, and for now that was on the outside looking in.   “Kurt, I can live with that. You’re always fiercely loyal; it’s one of the best things about you.  Like I said this Javi is a lucky guy.  I hope he’s as honest with you as you are with everybody.  So, tell me about him…that is if you want to.”  He’d listen to anything just to keep Kurt here a bit longer and it might give him some insight into how to go about being Kurt’s friend again, if that ever happened.

Kurt still had his guard up.  After all he’d been through to reach this point in his life he wasn’t about to start trusting Blaine in any way, so he cautiously told him the abridged version of how they met and a little bit about Javi’s past.  That was relatively safe; he could look it up on the internet in seconds, which is one of the reasons he hadn’t wanted to mention Javi’s name.  Blaine said he’d actually heard of Mateo and listened to some of their songs in a music appreciation class focusing on music and rhythm from different cultures.  He gave him a brief overview of their past and how Javi was now a solo singer/songwriter/performer.  He didn’t reveal much more than that saying, “You can always Google him…them.”  He wanted Blaine to know that he was aware of that being exactly what he’d do later.  

“So, how are things at NYADA?  Do you have any ideas of what you’re going to do after you graduate?”  This seemed like a safe subject.  He didn’t want to know about whatever had happened between Blaine and Barry.  Too personal.  He wanted to keep things surface.  He didn’t have to remind himself that Blaine wasn’t his friend.  I’ve already taken this farther than I should, Kurt thought, why did I even give him an opening?  He really didn’t know, but LA was still a reasonably safe distance and that was a decision for later.  He’d have to talk to Javi first.  He hadn’t forgotten their conversations before they’d come here and he’d meant every word.  Nothing and no one was going to come between them.

Blaine’s cell bleated a ring tone and he looked down to see who it was; no one he couldn’t call back later, but he and Kurt had been talking for two hours!  When Blaine told Kurt what time it was, he gathered his coat and the rest of his winter belongings and said, “I’ve gotta go, Blaine!  Dad and Carole have plans for later and I don’t want to be late.”  Blaine nodded and stood up, saying, “It really was great seeing you, Kurt!  I hope I helped you with the questions.  Please tell Burt and Carole hello for me.”  “You did, really it helped a lot, thanks. And I’ll tell them.”  They walked to the door together and when they were outside, Blaine asked how long he was going to be in Lima.  Again the forthright Kurt made an appearance, “Um, it’s not just me; I brought Javi with me to meet dad and Carole, but we’ll be here until Saturday.”  “Oh!  That’s great!” How many more times am I going to say great…especially when it isn’t?  Kurt shook his hand, which spoke volumes.  Kurt was a hugger and it didn’t take a genius to realize what he was trying to say.

They parted ways with Kurt wondering how he’d let that “short” conversation turn into two hours!  It didn’t matter.  It was over.  He had his answers and he was now free to enjoy the rest of his time in Lima with family, friends and most of all with his Javi.  As he almost skipped up the steps, on opening the door there was Carole and Javi still in the same chairs, talking and laughing like they’d known each other forever.  “Uhhhhh!  Shut that door, Kurt, before we all turn into popsicles!” Carole said and invited him to come sit with them.  He got out of his coat and plopped down in one of the cozy chairs next to Javi, smiling.  “So, it went well, at least judging from that smile!”  Carole ventured.  He got up and hugged her, “It went very well actually…or at least I think it did.”  Carole shook her head, “Kurt, do you ever stop dissecting your life?  I mean, it can be a very good thing, but….”  She smiled and told Kurt how she and Javi had spent the time talking about his travels, his songs, “and of course how happy he is to have found you, Kurt!”  She winked as Kurt’s face turned light pink, “I’ll leave you two alone.  I need to do some shopping; I’m feeding three hungry men now!”  Kurt and Javi were fully aware that she was just making up an excuse to leave them to talk, but they appreciated it nonetheless.

Kurt asked Javi if he’d like some more coffee or something else, bringing back two steaming cups, one of espresso, the other of what Javi liked to call, “espresso lite.”  It was too cold for anything else, at least in Kurt’s mind.  Before Kurt got settled he noticed what Javi was wearing.  He’d apparently decided to dim the wattage of his wardrobe for his trip to Ohio.  He wore a blue angora sweater with just a touch of silver threading woven into the fabric.  Underneath was a shirt with blue vertical stripes, the same threading woven through the stripes.  He wore the necklace Kurt had given him; he didn’t think Javi had taken it off since he’d surprised him with it.  

“Javito, before we sit down”, he bridged the short distance between them wrapping his arms around his neck, kissing him like he’d been gone for years, not hours, “do you know how happy you make me?”  Javi peeked up at Kurt, giving him that look from underneath his eyelashes that always made Kurt’s heart skip a beat, “only half as happy as you make me, mi amor.”  And Javi kissed him again before they sat down on the couch, Kurt reaching for Javi’s hand, lacing their fingers together.

Javi waited for Kurt to open up the conversation.  He wanted him to tell it in his way in his time.  Kurt laid his head on Javi’s shoulder and snuggled closer.  He proceeded to tell him everything about his chat with Blaine, his questions answered, his admitting to Javi that he had been right, Blaine had changed and it seemed for the better, but that Kurt wasn’t putting his trust in any of that.  As he had already told Blaine, he and Javi had come too far through all the pain and heartache and that Kurt didn’t ever want to jeopardize what they were building.  He also told him about letting Javi’s name slip, which hadn’t been his intention, but that he’d given him the smallest thumbnail sketch he could.  “Kurt, that’s really no big deal; you know all he needs is his phone and Google to find out all he wants.”

“But the dream….it was like all of my repetitive dreams…there was truth to it…he wanted me back.  He tried not to show it, but….I’ve known him since I was 16.  He was far from thrilled to find out you were in the picture and when I told him how serious we were he started talking about us becoming friends again. And yes, he and Barry are no longer together.  Long story short, Barry’s moving to LA with some friends and he invited Blaine to follow them when he graduated, but according to Blaine, as a couple he and Barry are no more.”

Javi kissed his forehead and asked, “So what do you think about that, I mean being friends?  I know we’ve already talked about it, but now that you’ve reconnected, maybe your ideas have changed, mi amor.  You said he’s changed for the better.”

“Javi, first of all we haven’t “reconnected”.  We’ve had a discussion, nothing more.  When he said he might be moving to LA, I sort of put him off.  I should have just said no, but I told him if he moved to California we might, and that’s a big might as far as I’m concerned, revisit the idea…but nothing and no one is going to come between you and me.  And no he hasn’t become Jesus Christ Superstar; he may have changed but he hasn’t reached anywhere near superstar status,”  Kurt smiled up at Javi.

All the while Kurt was talking, the wheels in Javi’s head were turning.  He no longer had any doubts about Kurt’s feelings for him or his feelings for Kurt for that matter.  They just kept growing closer and closer and the reason for that was trust.  He trusted Kurt with all of him.  Yes, they hadn’t been together that long, but he knew himself pretty well and what he saw in Kurt was nothing short of a miracle.  They’d come together, two broken, frightened men, and had somehow managed to embrace all of that doubt and fear and turn it into something that was almost whole…almost.  He also knew Kurt was not in love with Blaine anymore, not even close.  But along with all that intelligence and his ability to examine a problem inside and out before making a decision, he also had a huge heart.  And that’s where the stumbling block that Kurt may not be able to see would lie.  

“Mi Kurtito, remember when I told you I couldn’t imagine why anyone would let you walk out of their life?”  Kurt laughed, “Yes, I believe you’d just backed me up against a tree and were trying to take advantage of me!  Am I right?”  Javi laughed too, “Yes, that was pretty much the circumstances!  Blaine is a man who gave up his soulmate, his best friend and his lover and has finally realized he made one helluva mistake.  I can see why he’d want you back in his life any way he can have you.  And you were right about the whole long-distance friendship thing.  There’s no way you could ever rebuild a friendship between New York Blaine and California Kurt.  But I think you were right to give it some time and distance, maybe reassess the idea if and when he moves to LA.”

Javi was no fool and he hadn’t been born yesterday.  Even though Kurt insisted he wanted nothing more to do with Blaine, he didn’t know how he’d feel if Blaine were as close to next door as he could get.  He would venture to guess that Blaine might move to LA not only for the potential of finding a career there but also to be closer to Kurt; if not for Javi, if Kurt would have him, Blaine would take him back in a New York minute.  He smiled at his own silly word play.  And Javi wasn’t going to put Kurt in the middle of some pissing contest between him and Blaine.  If he’d learned one thing about people, the saying “keep your friends close and your enemies closer” had more truth to it than not.  He didn’t view Blaine as an enemy or a rival, more like an obstacle that if not handled right might jeopardize what he and Kurt had.  This is where the Javi in the dream that had been sitting on the sidelines watching the tug of war between Kurt and Blaine with Tonio in the middle needed to quietly take a stand.  Tonio could remain the referee; Javi was going to play the not so innocent bystander, doing his best to appear as innocent as possible.

Step one in keeping your friends close and your enemies closer was about to be unveiled.  “Kurt, I’m just throwing an idea out here, but what would you think about me meeting Blaine?  We’re here in Ohio, he’s here in Ohio.  I know you’re not in love with him anymore and when I say I know it, I do.  I know who you’re in love with and I’m sitting right here.  I don’t know why I ever doubted that for a second.  And if I ever do doubt it again all I have to do is look at this,” he played with the earring dangling from Kurt’s ear, “and here,” he touched the necklaces they both wore, “and especially here,”  and he touched their hearts.  So what do you think?”  He gave Javi a confused look.  “Why would you want to meet him?”  “Well, maybe because he was once all the things to you that I am now; together or not, he will always be a very important part of your history, your life.  Wouldn’t you want to meet Tonio if you could?”  Kurt sort of chuckled, “I don’t know, from what you’ve told me and from what I’ve seen on the Mateo videos, I think I might be half afraid to meet Antonio, but yeah, I guess if I could I would.  But that’s different, I can’t.”  “True, but just call me curious.”  “Well, I guess if you really want to it can’t hurt.  I can text him and see if he’s got some free time; he’s in the middle of a family reunion this week.”  “Okay, well, go ahead and text him, I need to touch base with Bela, too.”  

Javi went up to the guest room and took a deep breath, then let it out.  Oh, he was positive Blaine would find the time to meet Javi, if for no other reason than he would be “curious”, too.  If Kurt and Blaine did try to become friends again, Javi wanted to be as “close” as he could get to Blaine, and it didn’t hurt that he was in LA a lot.  He almost felt guilty, but not guilty enough to change his strategy.  He hated playing games and he knew Kurt was perfectly capable of handling himself in almost any situation, but in this he was very much like Tonio.  He would do everything to protect Kurt if he could or he would die trying.  Maybe Kurt didn’t need protecting from Blaine, but he wasn’t going to take that risk.  Kurt was one of the two best things that had ever happened to him, and until or if Kurt for whatever reason changed his mind about Javi, Javi would quietly (for now) fight for him, his soulmate, his best friend, his lover.