CHAPTER 58 – TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

CHAPTER 58 – TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE – JAVI’S BIRTHDAY – PART 2

If anyone would like me to incorporate their name or themselves into this story, let me know. I’ve already done it for a few people.

When Javi awoke he was one year older and one day happier. Kurt’s arm was resting loosely around his waist so he lay there quietly for a few moments, his eyes closed, enjoying the contentment washing over him. It had been so very long since Tonio, and he had to admit he still missed him sometimes, but the arrival of Kurt in his life made all those years of waiting worthwhile. He slowly rolled over, not wanting to wake his angel of a lover up. He couldn’t help but smile looking at this man looking so innocent and almost childlike while at the same time remembering the evening before that had extended into well after midnight, when he’d been his scorching hot devil of a lover. Kurtito was so inquisitive and eager to try new experiences, and so creative in his own right. Though Javi wasn’t a big believer in astrology, sometimes he had to wonder if there really was something to it. Kurt was a Gemini and he was a Sagittarius. From the little he’d read, mostly for the fun of it, they were very compatible. And sometimes it almost frightened him. How many people were lucky enough to have been given both a Tonio and a Kurt in one lifetime? And that’s how he viewed them, both unexpected gifts from a God who loved surprises.

He and Tonio? They had been like fire and water. Although, they’d both been passionate men, Tonio’s passion was explosive and wild while Javi’s passion had been more sensuous and controlled; Tonio had drawn their audiences in with his very own human pyrotechnics, while Javi had appealed to the romantics and the dreamers, using his hands and body language to figuratively invite their fans to join them onstage. Between that and their musical compatibility, they had seemed an unstoppable team. And when Tonio’s blaze threatened to burn down anything in its path, Javi was there to douse the flames, hopefully before they got too out of control. Or sometimes just sitting back, watching the fire crackle, sometimes allowing it to feed his own passions. And their love life had been unconventional and adventurous. Sure, there were times when life got in the way both physically and mentally, but their desire for each other never faded. They might go for days, sometimes weeks when sexual intimacy, at least in the same living space, fell completely off the radar of their lives, their only lifelines being a phone or Skyping, only to return with ardor and intensity after the speeding train that was sometimes their lives arrived at its final destination.

He and Kurt? They were more like fire and air. Again, from his astrological investigating he’d read that Gemini (air-Kurt) and Sagittarius (fire-Javi) were both very creative and intellectual in some instances, one often taking the mental energy they both created and turning it into reality. He found it especially interesting that air was described as versatile and changing, while fire was described as energetic and enthusiastic, but then cautioned that for the two to remain compatible, they needed to put in a lot of effort.

Javi didn’t have to read on Google that compatible or not, every relationship required effort. Every reason why building a foundation first was essential. When he read about the versatility and changeability of air, his mind immediately went to Kurt’s multiple talents. And being so young, of course at this point change in every aspect of his life was pretty normal. Where changeability would rise to the forefront was in how easily he could maneuver those talents and create a career or recognize his destiny, and hopefully both. Javi hoped that his ability to provide some avenues and inroads to facilitate his path-finding would be supplemented by his own enthusiasm and energy. In theory, it was like a puzzle coming together piece by piece. In reality, who knew! What he did know was that fire needed air to exist. It needed fuel and heat. It was like they were unconsciously exchanging all the elements required to keep the fire going. And he was determined to exert all the effort necessary to keep them on track and growing together.

His mind returned to the present, when he felt Kurt tangle his fingers in his untamed mass of curls. “Good morning, mi amor! I didn’t want to wake you; I know I must have worn you out last night,” he said teasingly. Kurt smiled, “And by a tricenarian even; I hope you can still keep up with me when you’re in your 40s.” Javi said, “It’s way too early for a vocabulary lesson, bebe, but it’s never too early for a class review. “Let’s see how well you learned, si?” He chuckled as he kissed Kurt on the tip of his nose, grazing his lips and sampling his chin and the soft skin along his jawline.

Kurt closed his eyes again and half-smiled “Javi, Javi, Javi is that all you ever think about? Sometimes I feel like your own personal sex object…” Javi tossed him an Altoid and laughed again, “For those overly concerned with morning breath, and si, si, si, when it comes to you it’s pretty much all I think about. It’s your own fault for being soooo adorable, even in the morning when your hair’s a mess and there’s that bit of stubble…right here,” Javi tickled it with his tongue “…and I believe that cologne you’re wearing is Sex the Morning After…., or maybe it’s because of all that…..but I can’t resist…..may we discuss my political correctness later, mi pequeno objeto sexual caliente (my hot little sex object)?” “Mmmmmmm…..you know calling me Spanish obscenities gets me every time…..” Kurt didn’t even offer a half-hearted attempt to stop him as Javi nibbled on his ear, whispering all the uncensored plans he had for Kurt’s willing body.

“Just showing my tiny tomcat some appreciation; he was such a good boy last night despite a couple of love bites. They were love bites weren’t they..”.. he questioned as his lips and tongue made their way along Kurt’s jawline, finger-caressing his neck. As he reached Kurt’s lips, he retrieved the mint, “and you’re just as tasty as you were a few hours ago…” he returned the mint to Kurt using his tongue, proceeding to intensify the kiss, letting his hands wander aimlessly over Kurt’s body. “You are sooooo beautiful, mi Kurtito, can you blame me for my weaknesses, my pretty little pet…..” he whispered against Kurt’s mouth. Again, Kurt was drawn into the depths that were Javi….he and…he and Javi…he and Javi….”….such soft fur…” sliding his hand over Kurt’s chest and down his concave belly just as if he were petting a cat, “ahhh I think you’re purring aren’t you? But tomcats can be very touchy…..verrryyy verryyy sensitive….When I pet you here…..yes you like that…..and over here……maybe down here?” he played with Kurt’s navel after wetting one of his fingers, “Meow???…..oh you said more….you want more?…hmmmm…..let me see if you still like this…” Kurt loved the way Javi kept a running conversation going when they made love. For whatever reason, he found it incredibly hot…..but whenever Javi used his tongue to satisfy Kurt’s request for more like that? He might as well have been speaking Chinese….Kurt’s whole body would go into overdrive….hearing nothing….except his own expressions of desire and satisfaction…so often begging for yet more…and more…..

“You still like that I see…oh listen to my noisy little tomcat…..let’s try a little more….” Javi entertained himself with Kurt’s belly button until he felt the thrusting of Kurt’s hips……He quickly resumed his attack on Kurt’s mouth, deeper and deeper….Kurt replying with a defenseless moan, and without restraint he allowed his legs to fall open, “Javi….touch me….god please touch me….I want to feel….your hand….on my cock….”

“Ahhh my little tom….you want me to pet you….here?” He said as he lightly played with the head tracing his fingers and palm over Kurt’s hard prick down over his balls and between his legs, asking Kurt what he wanted, how he liked this or that, then taking his shaft in his hand he began stroking it lightly, playing with Kurt’s desire, “hmmmm…. mi tiny tomcat….isn’t so tiny…..ahhhh but quite…..comely? Does my gatito bebe (baby kitten) like my play on words maybe? Yes he appears very very comely…..” he increased the pace but not the pressure….not quite yet…..”listen to my poor little tomcat…maybe you’re getting hungry?” he whispered as he increased the pressure, “are you hungry….you sound very very hungry…..let me see if I can satisfy your craving…..is this what you want?” he whispered as he stroked Kurt’s cock a little harder….a little faster…..listening to Kurt’s desire express itself. Kurt’s hips kept rhythm with Javi’s hand, moaning again as he felt his body begging for him to let go…..”Oh my god….Javi…..don’t stop….yes….like that…..like that….just….like that….” and at last the hungry little tomcat in Kurt was satisfied.

By now, Javi’s body was consumed with its own fire. He reached for Kurt holding him fast against his body, kissing him again with ferocity, and Kurt picking up on his need, kissed him with equal fervor, Javi pulling Kurt’s hips tightly against his own, massaging his firm ass, rubbing his hard-on against Kurt’s belly. Kurt encouraged him, telling him not only in urgently whispered words but with his hands as he firmly held Javi’s ass loving the feel of his intense longing moving against his belly. Kurt slipped his hand between them, reaching for Javi’s shaft, but Javi stopped him…”no, mi gatito caliente (my hot little kitten), “I…..want….you..to watch…” Woah! Kurt thought, this was something new. Javi rolled onto his back and took one of Kurt’s hands in his own. He took his own hard cock into the other hand, watching Kurt through half-closed eyes. “I….want…you to watch and tell me how it makes you feel, bebe….” Javi opened his legs wide, just as Kurt had done, loving the feel of wantonness, the sense of brazenness, the abandonment of his vulnerability.

As Kurt held his hand, he sat back on the tangled sheets and watched Javi observantly. His eyes took in his entire body, his facial expressions, his breathing, but his main focus was on Javi stroking his rigid shaft rhythmically, listening to the pleasure in his cries. He gripped Kurt’s hand tighter, his other hand moving faster, and much to Kurt’s surprise he felt that frisson of current traverse up and down his body several times, not realizing he was squeezing Javi’s hand harder as well. As he sensed Javi reaching a climax, he laid down beside him and turned his face towards his own, kissing him warmly and sensually, murmuring, “this is how it makes me feel…how you make me feel….watching you makes me feel like this….” loving the feel of Javi’s moans vibrating against his lips, his heart beating fast and the grip he had on Kurt’s hand slowly loosening…and then the quiet of Javi’s breathing. Javi turned toward Kurt and kissed him on the nose just as he had when they’d started, “ohhhh, mi Kurtito, did you like that? Next time I’ll be your little sex object. Would you like to use me as your own personal sex object…..hmmmm?” He laughed and rolled onto his back again.

Kurt looked around the room that hadn’t been straightened up from the night before, clothes scattered all over, the bedclothes a mess, “Maybe I should hire a maid for your birthday next year.” “Really, mi bebe Kurtito? Next year I’ll try to ravish you with some tidier sex!” Neither realizing that they were both assuming they’d still be together at this time the following year.

“Oh, speaking of your birthday….stay right here, I’ll be right back!” “That’s what you said last night….are you going to return in more black velvet? Just the thought….it makes me tingly all over again! We may never leave this bed until it’s your day to put on your birthday suit! Oh wait! You’ve been wearing it most of the time for the past week!” Kurt made a face and Javi slapped him on the butt as he turned to leave.

When he returned Kurt was carrying a huge picture frame and their guitar. He set the guitar in a corner of the room, not wanting it to be in the way. Javi looked at Kurt inquiringly. “Now, close your eyes and don’t open them until I tell you to…and I mean it.” This time, Javi made a face at Kurt….like he would even peek?, not having the slightest clue as to what Kurt had been up to. Kurt took a deep breath as he turned the picture frame around so Javi could see it and said, “Now you can open your eyes, mi Javito.”

What he saw before him left him without words. He glanced at Kurt and then back at the photo groupings that the tasteful frame held. He and Tonio at one of their last concerts, Javi’s smiling face on the Jumbotron, Tonio looking up at him. He and Tonio, at a private concert they’d given in Bogota when Mientes went gold. He didn’t even know public photos existed from that concert. It was when they’d just started making a name for themselves and that concert had been so much fun, before Mateo had cloaked itself in professionalism: he and Tonio doing a fist bump, them singing with every ounce of passion they possessed, Tonio watching him out of the corner of his eye as he often did when they performed, one he couldn’t help but smile at, Tonio on his knees gripping Javi’s hand as he stood above him when they were singing Yo Quiero (In English, I Want, and if anyone had known the reality of their relationship they might have found that photo obscene!), one of Tonio’s hands playing the piano (he could feel his throat constrict), a double exposure of he and Tonio, Tonio in the background, Javi superimposed over his face, even one of the three of them bowing to their audience, and the one that sent all of his composure toppling to the ground, Tonio in all of his intensity saying a prayer of thanks after a particularly good performance; they had done that a lot before and after…and yes even during….concerts. The name Mateo meant “close to God.” It was an integral part of who they were. And surrounding all those memories were pictures of his Kurtito in some of his own performances, The Boy Next Door in his tight gold pants, Born This Way in his Likes Boys T-shirt, The Greatest Star and probably his favorite, Kurt sitting on a New York sidewalk looking all cute and sassy in knee-length lace-up boots, those dimples just begging someone to kiss them. And then there were two pictures of planets, the Sun and Moon together and the Moon and Mercury in their orbits.

Kurt had no idea what he’d created, so much more than a simple photo collage. This had to be one of the most selfless gifts Javi had ever received. Javi knew from the beginning he was asking a lot of Kurt for him to agree to allowing their relationship to develop the way it had. He’d basically asked him to say yes to bringing all that Tonio had taught him into the very center of their lives. He’d asked him to trust that Javi knew what he was talking about. And Tonio was everywhere in a good portion of Javi’s life, so public; there was no escaping it even after seven years. And Kurt….? He’d accepted all of it as if this were normal. He didn’t feel threatened by Antonio; he wasn’t the least bit jealous. How many men would have accepted and allowed what Kurt had? Especially after what had happened between Kurt and Blaine? He had no real reason to trust Javi, and yet he had.

In one photo collage Kurt had brought Javi and their relationship full circle. It began with the Sun and Moon and ended with the Moon and Mercury, his Mercury. All of these photos were a display of acceptance and love. What did a person say to something like this? He asked Kurt to set the collage down beside the nightstand, fighting just to get the words out, but before Kurt sat down next to Javi on the bed he grabbed the guitar, too excited about his gift giving to notice Javi’s struggle with his emotions.

“I have another gift for you….well, kind of for us; I figured if you could write a song for us, I could, too,” he smiled, “although I didn’t really picture myself singing it in the nude. It’s called Our Love’s Meant to Survive.

OUR LOVE’S MEANT TO SURVIVE (LOVE WILL KEEP US ALIVE/EAGLES)

https://youtu.be/s2eK_-aNRS0

K: Hurt and lonely

Living in a world of pain outside

I was desperate

For a heart like mine

There you found me

Took my hand, and now I am alive

K&J: Yes, we’re one, babe

Our love’s meant to survive

K: Don’t be scared, babe

My heart’s yours and I am on your side

The world won’t change us

Don’t believe its lies

You are mine now

And I am yours, our arms open wide

K&J: Yes, we’re one, babe

And our love’s meant to survive

K: I am found in you

I am yours forever

My heart always will be true

J: You are mine now

And I am yours, our arms open wide

K&J: Yes, we’re one, babe

And our love’s meant to survive

K: I am found in you

I am yours forever

My heart always will be true

K: Hurt and lonely

Living in a world of pain outside

I was desperate

For a heart like mine

There you found me

Took my hand and now I am alive

K&J: Yes, we’re one, babe

And our love’s meant to survive X 3

When Kurt had finished, he started to say, “What do you think?,” but when he looked at Javi, all he could do was put the guitar down and gather him into his arms. The tears in those beautiful brown eyes, spilling down his face….Kurt grabbed some Kleenex and dabbed the tears from his face, taking him into his arms once more. “Javi….Javi….don’t you remember, Mexican men don’t cry?” He asked, trying to lighten the mood. But the tears kept coming and Javi held onto Kurt as if he were a life raft.

Finally, he got his emotions under control enough that he could manage to whisper “thank you.” “Was it that bad?” Kurt tried again. “Shhhh, Kurtito…..stop. I love them, all of it.”

While Kurt wiped away his own tears, he held Javi, stroking his cheeks, running his finger through his tangles……Javi kept his eyes closed, thinking, as Kurt soothed him with his caresses. Where had he found those photos? He had never told Kurt that it had been a year to the day that they’d met when Tonio told Javi he loved him for the first time. He would never forget; it was like his whole world was coming to life in a way that would forever change him. And how had Kurt even thought to construct such a perfect gift? And the song? I’m overwhelmed, he thought. What was stopping him from saying the words he’d waited so long to say to his love? There was only one first time….and what if Kurt wasn’t ready to hear those words that could brand the heart? Was he afraid for himself…or for Kurt….or both? He knew everything he needed to know, but what if? What if what? Life was full to bursting with what ifs. What if…..I tell him? I know he feels the same…..but what if…he doesn’t? What if…he really wasn’t ready? All these silly doubts when Kurt had just handed him one more piece of his heart ….how many more pieces did he have to give Javi?

Javi slowly let go of Kurt and laid his head down on a pillow. “Come, lay beside me, mi amor.” When they were comfortable again, Kurt with his head on Javi’s shoulder, Javi sighed, “I’ve been calling you that almost since the day we met…mi amor….my love…because that’s who and what you are to me. What you said in the song, it’s us from the very beginning, all that desperation and pain and loneliness, feeling like we were living on the outside, like everyone else was living and we were only managing to survive…..” He turned Kurt’s face up to his wanting to look into his eyes, needing to look into those eyes he had fallen in love with the moment their focus had turned upon him, “Mi amante, mi amigo, mi alma gemela (my lover, my friend, my soulmate), I love you. I love you so very much. I can’t remember a single moment since we met that I….haven’t loved you.”

Kurt was quiet as he studied Javi’s eyes, wanting to remember every word of what he’d said, wanting it to brand not just his heart with fire….and iron?, but all of him.

Javi, taking his silence for hesitation, whispered, “But please, if you’re not ready, don’t say it in return, don’t say….” Kurt put his finger to Javi’s lips and raised himself on the bed so he could tip his forehead against Javi’s and look into his eyes more deeply, “Don’t say I love you too soon? There was never a too soon for me, bebe. I was in love five minutes after we met, and I’ve loved you since the first touch, when you kissed me on the right cheek, not the left, because that was how men greeted each other in Mexico. Sometimes I can still feel that kiss.”

“Oh, Javito, I love you in ways I’m not sure I’ve ever loved anyone. But I’m so very glad we waited; I’m glad I listened to you. Because…..if I hadn’t? So much I’ve learned from waiting…with you. I love you, I love you, I love you, Javier Ramos Ruiz, I love every inch of you inside and out.” Javi kissed him softly, “Later…..we celebrate, mi unico amor, mi amante para siempre (my one and only love, my forever lover).”

He leaned over the side of the bed and picked up the collage, setting it on his belly so they could both look at it. “This is the most precious gift I’ve ever received, mi amor. What you’ve done here? You’ve taken the best years of my life and fit it into a picture frame. From Tonio and Mateo all the way to Kurt and Javi. But someday….if you’ll let me, if you want it, I hope to replace these pictures of you alone with pictures of us together, singing, not singing…just us together. But I think you and I could write some amazing songs together!” Both had considered the idea but had never really voiced it until now. Kurt really had little experience with songwriting, but what better way to learn than from a professional?

“So, mi amor, mi amor, mi amor! How would you like to celebrate?” This was so like Javi, everything seemed to require a celebration of some sort or at least present an excuse to memorialize an event; really, Kurt smiled to himself, this was a man who celebrated water for heaven’s sake!

“Hmmmm….what do you think of this, bebe? We could drop in at The Rafters for a while and then head over to After the Bars Close…sort of recreate how we started?” “Oh, si, I like that! We could even wear the same clothes! Perfecto, mi little party planner. See? I’m letting you plan a party after all….sort of.” Kurt couldn’t think of anything he’d rather celebrate. How could three one-syllable words completely change a person’s life? Maybe someday he’d tell Javi about the night in Lima when Javi was asleep and he’d dared to whisper I love you, half hoping that Javi had heard him.

“Okay, then, out of bed! This room needs to be straightened out.” Kurt began picking up clothing on the floor, folding it all to be sorted later for laundry and was starting to clear off the nightstands when he looked at Javi out of the corner of his eye, “Javi, get up, are you just going to sit there all day?” “Probably. Especially if I get to watch you playing the maid in the buff…oh I like that, too! You are now Buffy, the maid!” Kurt gave him an exasperated look, searching through the drawers for a pair of boxers.

“Get up! How are we going to celebrate if you lay around in bed all day!” “Really, Kurt?” Javi laughed, “you can’t think of a single way we can celebrate right here?,” he patted the bed. “Get up, Javi, we need to change the sheets and make the bed and shower…and get our wardrobe in order….and the dishes are still sitting in the kitchen from last night!”

“Hmmm….I tell you that I love you and you’re already taking me for granted; the dirty dishes are a higher priority than my wants and needs, that’s pathetic, mi Kurtito…” Javi tried to look wounded but Kurt was having none of it.

Finally, Kurt took Javi’s arm, coaxing him out of bed and sending him off to kitchen duty while he finished cleaning the bedroom. He hoped the day would never come when he really put dirty dishes and a clean bedroom over Javi’s or his own wants and needs. He’d take Javi in bed any day over household chores, but he knew if he let him, they would have stayed in bed all day just because they could.

When Javi was done with the kitchen drudgery, he returned to a clean and tidy bedroom. The thought of a nice warm shower with Kurt was so appealing, but he couldn’t help getting under Kurt’s skin just a little bit, “Oh, Buffy! The bed looks very nice…very….. inviting?….we’re just going to mess it all up again….I hope….” Kurt tried to ignore him, heading for the shower, but Javi remained in the bedroom, until Kurt looked around the doorjamb and asked, “Are you coming?” Javi looked at the floor and smiled, “Oh, mi Kurtito, I wouldn’t want to tempt you….or maybe tempt me….maybe I should take my shower….” Kurt let out a sigh and grabbed Javi’s hand….”get in here…”

After their shower, they fixed some roast beef sandwiches, taking them to the porch along with a couple glasses of milk. Kurt wore a pair of loose boxers, apparently not confident in either of their abilities to not be tempted, but Javi refused to give up his going commando ways, and besides if it really became an issue, he was pretty sure that it wouldn’t become a deal breaker. “Yes, Kurt, left me because I wouldn’t stop walking around the house in the nude.” He had to laugh to himself trying to picture such a conversational scenario with his friends.

Neither had forgotten what they or the other had worn that night, but they made a game of it, reminding each other of this or that piece of clothing or jewelry, even suggesting at one point that they trade outfits, but they decided they really wanted to make the evening as close to that magical night as possible….Kurt said maybe for Halloween and they laughed. And when all was said and done, they stood before the mirror looking like Kurt Hummel, recent transplant from New York City, and Javi, honorary citizen of San Diego. Kurt in his blue shirt, a scarf highlighted with different shades of blue and green, a pair of jeans, not too loose or too tight, his shirt buttoned up to the third button, an outfit that he’d told Javi he’d thought of that night as not screaming “Come hither!” Javi could hardly stop laughing, “Well, apparently that didn’t work for ya, did it!” “Or you were just easy…or desperate!” Kurt replied. “Don’t you think we know each other well enough now that you can unbutton your shirt a little more?” But that’s how I wore it that night!” “Okay, but maybe later you’ll let me unbutton it?” Javi’s eyes twinkled. Kurt turned Javi towards him, “Hmmmm…..I didn’t let you unbutton them that night….but we might be able to reach a compromise…I always did find the zipper on those pants intriguing…you do realize they’re so tight they leave very little to the imagination,” he laughed tugging lightly on the zipper. “Maybe….” Javi smiled back.

Javi wore his black leather jacket with rhinestones on the lapels, open, with a black fishnet top revealing the chest of a man who knew how to work out, and that hadn’t changed. He had on one of his many pairs of tight black leather pants, black boots with silver spangled laces and a soft pink-tinged hat with a wide brim, those curls…Kurt would never get tired of them. He decided to take his sunglasses with him; he could always take them off if the lighting was too dim. And just a hint of his favorite fragrance, Sauvage.

Their major wardrobe decision was whether to wear the earrings they currently wore or the ones they’d worn that night. The earrings were gifts that Javi had given Kurt early in their relationship, their birthstones in one ear and gold earrings with their first initials in the other. They decided to leave them in. They rarely removed them. They felt the same way about the necklaces Kurt had gotten for each of them, the locks and keys to their hearts.

It had been at least two weeks since they’d been to The Rafters and they still loved to tease Javi about his absence since Kurt had become a part of his life. “What? You two have come out of hiding? What’s the occasion?” Jeremy asked, not realizing of course that there really was an occasion. Javi glanced at Kurt and took his hand, “No real occasion, does there have to be an occasion for us to spend some time in our favorite neighborhood bar?” Jeremy laughed, “For you two? Yes!” “Cranberry vodka?”

Javi smiled at Kurt and answered for both of them; it had been their drink of choice that night. “Absolutely! And a round for the house, Jeremy!” “Well, now no one’s going to care if you’re celebrating or not!,” Jeremy laughed.

They found a small table after greeting some of their friends and catching up for a few moments. Javi’s friends were Kurt’s friends, some more than others, and Kurt loved the fact that he felt so settled and welcomed in this little neighborhood. San Diego had been a more than wise choice for many reasons.

Had it really been six months ago, give or take, that Kurt had unwillingly allowed himself to listen to Adam and give the gay bar scene another try? That was one of the things he’d hated most about being single. He’d never had to put himself out there because he and Blaine had been a couple since high school. And then suddenly, they weren’t. He couldn’t imagine a meaningful relationship hiding in a gay bar or any bar for that matter. His presence at The Rafters that night had been purely to appease Adam. Javi just happened to be a regular, and he still found it hard to believe that someone here hadn’t caught his attention before Kurt. But then as Javi described it, it wasn’t that no one had caught his attention, it was more like they hadn’t held his attention.

Javi looked around and then said, “It’s still hard to believe, isn’t it, Kurtito? It’s like living in a snow globe.” Now here was an analogy that would prove to be interesting, Kurt thought. “A snow globe. How is our meeting here in San Diego anything like living in a snow globe? I’m going to love this, I just know it,” Kurt laughed. “Well, think about it! You’re living in this little world feeling like you’re all by yourself, nothing new is really happening, it’s not even snowing in your snow globe…and then one day some unknown something picks up your little world and shakes it, and there you are in the midst of a blizzard, everything is turned upside down, but on the outside of that little globe you’ve made someone incredibly happy! And you’re happy, too, because your little home of a snow globe is finally doing what a snow globe was created to do!” Kurt lifted an eyebrow. “Okay, so it’s not a perfect analogy, but isn’t that sort of what it felt like….still feels like?” Kurt took a sip of his drink, “And this is one of the thousands of reasons I love you, mi Javito…..you don’t think like the rest of the world,” Javi took his hand and said, “I’ll take that as a compliment, now dance with me….we’ve never danced together in public,” “But, mi Javi, you’re fully clothed! I’m not sure…..” “Come on!”

It was true, they’d never danced in public and Kurt felt a little self-conscious, but not enough to say no to this man he truly did love for a thousand reasons. He laid his head on Javi’s shoulder as they danced to Taylor Swift’s “Lover” and then to “Gravity” by Coldplay. Those were songs someone else had chosen. Javi walked over to the jukebox and Kurt could tell he was looking for a particular song. After he found it, he gathered Kurt in his arms again and whispered, “This one’s for you, mi amor.” Soon the room was filled with the strains of a classic, Frankie Valli’s “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You.” As they danced, Javi sang along with Frankie in almost perfect harmony, accompanying his slight falsetto as well as he had Antonio’s, but the words, he knew, were meant for only him. He was sure everyone was watching, and listening…and for once he didn’t care; he loved Javi and Javi loved him, and he wanted everyone to know it, just like his totally uninhibited lover. And by the time the song was done and the evening was drawing to a close, everyone there knew and couldn’t have been happier for them, for Javi, who had waited far too long to find the one he’d been looking for. Before they left, they fell into easy conversation with their friends again, discussing all the neighborhood gossip, talking about Javi’s upcoming trip to Monterrey, exchanging holiday greetings in case they didn’t see each other before Christmas.

The nights were cool now and they’d retrieved their Lima clothing, mostly cardigan sweaters, to accommodate the chill. They walked briskly to After the Bars Close and welcomed the warmth that engulfed them as they walked through the door. Shouts of “Javi!” came from different tables as was almost always the case in this all-night diner, and he waved, stopping to talk to a few people as they found a table. Again, Kurt felt welcomed and cared for, as he greeted new friends. Oh, and Karen, their favorite waitress and neighbor was working tonight! She brought them menus, knowing they’d probably order their usual, but one never knew. She left them alone for a few minutes, returning to take their order and bringing the coffee and espresso they always wanted.

They made small talk until their food arrived. As usual, Javi said a quick prayer and then looked up at Kurt, watching him intently. He waited. He knew that look, Kurt had something to say, but was checking to make sure he said whatever it was exactly right. “Javi, when you’re on the road or in Mexico City do you ever go to church?” Well, he wasn’t expecting that! But his Kurtito was full of surprises. “Yes, sometimes, depending on my schedule. Now that Bela is in the City I’ll probably go more when I’m there…why?” “You’ve only gone a few times here since I’ve known you…is that because of us?”

“Mi amor, it’s not because of us per se, but yes, we spend a lot of time together and Sundays are usually a day off for you and most frequently for me, too, when I’m here. I love spending time with you!”

“But doesn’t it bother you not going to church? Don’t you feel…I don’t know…guilty?” “Kurt, why should I feel guilty? God doesn’t live in buildings; God lives everywhere! I can find him in quiet moments….or even noisy moments…anywhere. I can worship him in my living room or my car…or lying in bed with you for that matter. Do I like going to church? Sure, but no one’s keeping track of church attendance….well, except maybe churches,” he laughed. “God wouldn’t be very powerful or all-knowing if he literally had to confine Himself to one place at particular times. Why do you ask?”

“I’ve been doing a lot of reading and thinking about what I believe; you know that, it was you who made me curious. And it just seems that what I’m reading and what I see in people and churches don’t seem to add up. In one place, it talks about worship and praying anywhere and everywhere and the next it talks about going to a temple or church or a specific place. And most of the people I’ve known who are religious make a big deal out of going to church regularly and a bigger deal about people who don’t. So, which is it?”

Javi smiled and set his coffee cup down, “It’s both, it’s neither. If a person feels they meet God more often than not in a particular place or setting, then that’s what’s right for them. If you find a particular place or setting confining and God doesn’t speak to you there, then find the place where He does speak. If both work for you, then do both. Being religious only means using whatever is available to you to maintain a relationship with God. It’s when we add “people” to the mix that it gets messy. It’s not just in faith or religion. In all areas of life people are going to try to tell you that their way of doing things is the best way and if you’re not doing whatever it is their way then you must be wrong or inferior. Guilt is a wonderful motivator and mostly for all the wrong reasons. Does that help?”

“Yeah, it does….I’ll add it to my things to think about, but the next time you go to church here, would you take me with you? I’m just curious.” Javi was quiet for a moment, “Curious is good, mi amor. Stay curious, don’t ever let anyone, even me, try to tell you what you should or shouldn’t believe or think or do. And if I ever do that, call me on it, will you?”

Kurt smiled, “Oh, you can count on it!” Javi reached for his hand and kissed it, “You make me so happy…now eat before everything gets cold.” “Yes, mom,” Kurt replied.

As they left the diner, Javi looked up at the clear San Diego sky, such a perfect birthday, such a perfect day! They walked holding hands, snuggling against each other as a light chilly wind blew down the sidewalk. They were approaching the building where Adam and Kurt still shared a loft and as they did, Kurt stopped Javi and said, “Right here. It was right here where you kissed me on the cheek…except it was warmer.” Javi looked into those eyes that sparkled like the stars above them; such a romantic Kurt was….he leaned over and kissed him just as he had then, on the right cheek, and then he kissed him on the left cheek and took him into his arms, nuzzling his neck with his cold nose, “Te amo mucho, mucho, mucho, Kurtito, more muchos than I can ever say. I love you in every language I know.”

Kurt returned his kisses, one on each cheek, and they resumed their walk home. Kurt was enjoying the night breeze, the night sky, he wanted every moment he could remember to take up residence in his notebook under the section named Memories. And suddenly, he found himself with his back against a tree with a wall behind it, his hands fastened to the wall, and Javi’s warm lips wreaking delicious havoc with his own, his tongue expertly prying them open, seeking the tip of his own, teasing it, but not letting Kurt respond, then breathlessly pulling away long enough to murmur, “This tree, do you remember? I remember wanting you so badly, wanting all of you….all the time…but we weren’t ready for that yet….Kurt, I’ve never stopped wanting you like that, like this, all of you…all the time….I love your mind and your heart and your body…and I’ll never stop wanting all of you because if you give me the chance I’ll have a whole lifetime to learn about all of you…now, besame de vuelta, mi amor, kiss me back…” Javi freed Kurt’s hands and he reached for Javi’s face, wanting nothing more than to taste his mouth, to savor the animated electricity that crackled between them when their tongues found each other, listening to their breathing becoming ragged until finally Kurt drew away, “Javier. Ramos. Ruiz,” he whispered breathlessly, “My god! I love you and I’ve waited so long to say it, I can’t seem to stop saying it or wanting to say it, I love you so much it hurts, sometimes I think I’m going to drown in loving you and how ever many muchos it takes that’s how much I love you…” he took a deep breath and attacked Javi’s mouth again and finally retreated again…”and I had to say all that now because when I get you home the only thing that’ll be talking is your body begging me to make you shut up…and we’ll see who the poor little tomcat is…..hmmmm?” Javi gave him his most innocent look and said, “Meow?”

I couldn’t resist including this for both Kurt and Javi.