CHAPTER 60 – EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING

CHAPTER 60 – EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING

Only ten days…ten short days until Javi hopped on a plane to fly the friendly skies all the way to Monterrey.  Kurt had been cautiously avoiding the conversation he wanted to have with Javi, one final attempt to convince him that taking Kurt with him to Monterrey for the four-day music festival was not going to result in something catastrophic happening to either of them.  He hadn’t wanted to ruin their weekend.  They had never had a genuine disagreement about anything, and in his own way Kurt understood why Javi was so adamant about not wanting to take him to Mexico, but deep down he felt Javi was overreacting…or maybe being overprotective, but he was going to try using all of his powers of persuasion to bring him around to his way of thinking.  

Kurt rummaged through the cupboards in search of the ingredients required to make chili.  He was no Chef Adam, but he could make a respectable pot of chili, and Javi would be walking through the door in a few of hours.  He’d carved this day out of his busy pre-Christmas schedule to get a jump on homework and do some of his own holiday shopping.  Javi had been in meetings all day, but at least they were all in San Diego.  He knew Javi would be spent when he got home.  Kurt often believed it took more preparation to perform in a four-day festival than the actual performance itself.

Kurt had done his utmost to create a tranquil atmosphere, secretly hoping his efforts might cause Javi to let his guard down about the point in question that Kurt wanted to hash over.  The kitchen, media room and living room were dotted with simple white candles, easy-listening classical music wound its way through the background giving life to the calmness and Kurt had drawn water in the heated bathtub.  Not knowing whether Javi would want to have dinner or take a peaceful scented bath first, the combination of chili, which only tasted better the longer it simmered, and the tub filled with warm water worked splendidly for his purposes….not that he was trying to manipulate his Javito to change his mind, but being extra….accommodating??? couldn’t hurt…or so he told himself.  He seriously doubted a tasty meal, a relaxing bath, and mellow lighting and music would change Javi’s mind, but treating someone special was never a bad idea.
He’d stretched out on the futon in the media room, enjoying his own creation of peace and calm, when he heard the key in the lock and lay in wait for Javi to find him.  Javi was grinning as he walked toward Kurt, asking, “Did I forget a special occasion?”  “Yes, the occasion is you’re home and so am I; do we need anything more special than that?”  “Oh, mi Kurtito!  You’re spoiling me, not that I’ll try to stop you.  Chili?  It smells heavenly!”  

He took a seat on the carpeted floor next to the futon, taking Kurt’s hand in his own and with a weary sigh said “Sometimes I have to wonder what it would be like to work as an accountant or a cashier, something with regular hours and no travel.”  “You’d be bored to tears and lose interest after about five minutes, that’s what it would be like, and really?  I doubt you’d be allowed to wear attire that looked like you’d stepped on a glitter bomb…or pink hats….or leather vests and earrings….at least not in my experience with accountants and cashiers.  You might not last even five minutes and then you’d be back on the road or preparing to go back on the road.  Besides, in the world according to Javier Ramos Ruiz being an accountant or a cashier was not your destiny, so you’ll just have to suck it up and pursue your path destined for the spotlight.”  “Wow, mi amor!  You make my career sound so enticing, glitter bombs and sucking it up?  The next plane out of San Diego is beckoning me to fulfill my destiny.”  

“I didn’t mean it like that.”  But Kurt silently wondered just exactly how he had meant it?  Before examining the thought too closely, he slid off the futon, sitting on the floor facing Javi.  He took a deep breath and smiled, then leaned over to kiss his lover.  Perfunctory kisses were rarely their style and he really wanted this evening to result in Javi’s having a change of heart.  He kissed him flirtatiously, softly and then not so softly, as if his kiss was a promise of adventures far more intimate to come.  Javi rested his head on Kurt’s shoulder, closing his eyes, simply enjoying home and all it represented, dinner cooking, peaceful surroundings and someone who loved him waiting.

“So, mi Javito, which would you like first, chili or a warm bath?”  “Well, you really went all out didn’t you, bebe. How about the chili first, and you will be joining me in the tub I hope?”  “Of course!  Someone has to wash your back….what did you ever do without me?”  “I believe it’s called a back brush, but you can reach places a back brush can’t….and really has no business being in the first place,” he laughed.

Kurt arose from the floor and offered his hand to Javi.  The kitchen felt cozy and smelled of comfort food. The candlelight twinkled and the table was set simply.  Oversized red bowls on rattan place mats, a bottle of red wine, two goblets, and a pitcher of water shared space.  Kurt opened the oven releasing the aroma of cornbread, placing some slices in a basket, then returning to the table with a white ceramic bowl of chili. They passed baskets and bowls to one another, and after asking Javi if he’d like some wine, Kurt poured some into each of the goblets.  “Here’s to destiny!”  Javi lifted his glass and Kurt joined him for the toast, silently pondering what tonight’s destiny might hold. 

They filled the room with table-talk, Kurt not wanting to address his wishes until they’d finished eating.  Javi needed time to unwind and Kurt didn’t want to ambush him with something he knew he wouldn’t want to discuss.  He didn’t know how or when he was going to bring the touchy subject up, but during dinner wasn’t the time.  “Well!  I guess I don’t have to trade you for Adam after all, mi amor.  And then there’s the issue of Ethan….I don’t need the competition,” Javi smiled.  Kurt laughed, “If you’re only looking for a cook, Adam would be perfect, but if you don’t want someone you have to pick up after, you might want to reconsider.”  “So you’re saying he’d make a horrible Buffy?”  Javi teased.  “Depends on which persona you’re looking for, he’d be great at the in the buff part, but would leave you with cleanup every time.”  

“Well, since you’re my Buffy, how about if I choose the in the buff persona, and I’ll leave cleaning up the bathroom after us for Buffy the maid – it’s a win-win for me!”  “Oh, I suppose,”  Kurt feigned reluctance, “but you have to at least help me straighten up the kitchen first.”  Javi agreed that was a fair trade and the kitchen was back in order in no time flat.

The bathroom was equally relaxing with candles creating subtle pools of light, the room almost saunalike, humid and warm.  Javi grasped both of Kurt’s hands in his, holding only his fingers.  Kurt often wondered how Javi seemed to remember even the smallest gesture that Kurt liked and this was one of them.  It was the way Javi had held his hand for the very first time – touching only his fingers, and still Kurt felt that jolt of electricity more often than not.  Javi purposefully looked into those eyes of shifting shadows and color and murmured, “I love you, mi Kurtito, not anyone else, not now, not ever,” and he kissed him, lingering, not in any hurry, then dropped Kurt’s hands, so they could slowly undress each other, sometimes getting tangled in their clothing and laughing when they did.  “Yes, there you are, Buffy!”  Javi chuckled and led Kurt over to the tub, both sinking into the water, the barely there scent of lavender floating in the air.
 

Javi reached for Kurt’s hand again, closing his eyes and sighing contentedly.  Kurt floated towards Javi and laid his head on his shoulder, his eyelids falling as well.  How was he going to bring up Monterrey?  Was now the right time?  Would there ever be a “right” time?  Knowing Javi’s stance on never taking him to Mexico?  But this was important to him.  He hated confrontation….

“So is everything in place for Monterrey, mi bebe?”  Kurt ventured.  “Si…or as ready as it ever can be ten days out.  I’m sure there’ll be more adjustments before the plane lands,”  Javi let out a half-laugh. “I’m going to hate being away from you, ya know.”  “And I’ll hate being away from you, too….but you’ll be coming with me to Albuquerque.”  “I know, but I’ve never been to Mexico, and Monterrey is tourist territory from what I’ve read, and pretty gay friendly.”  “Mi amor, if your information is coming from Google and the internet, you know it can’t always be trusted.  And I’ve been there many times; it’s somewhat safe if you don’t venture into the city proper, but…New York City is a tourist attraction, too, and look what happened to you there?”

“But as you say, you’ve been there many times….and you didn’t have problems….”  “Oh, Kurtito!  I never said I didn’t have problems.  Like I said, Mexico views me as a commodity, so yes….but I also have security when I’m performing in Mexico, even in Mexico City.  And I have security because celebrity status can only take me so far.  You in Mexico on my watch?  Never.”

“Javi, that’s completely unrealistic.  I can never go to Mexico with you?  What about the rest of Latin America?  Can’t some of those countries be just as dangerous?  And who says something couldn’t happen in New Mexico for that matter?  You can’t protect me everywhere…even here in San Diego.”

“Mi amor, you think I don’t know my own country?  Mexico is just a step above third world, it’s still a developing country!  I know the culture, I was born there and still maintain citizenship there.  You’re right, I can’t totally protect you anywhere, but at least in Mexico I know what to expect and where.  Even with security…..they’re hired to protect me, and you being with me would only be a distraction, which puts my life at risk, too.  Now, ask yourself, how would you feel if something happened to me while you were with me….you’d end up blaming yourself.”

“So, if we’re together 30 years from now, I’m never setting foot in Mexico with you for 30 years?  Really?  We’re going to live our lives with you travelling to god knows where while I stay here because something “might” (air quotes) happen to me?”

“Kurt, you don’t even know what you’re going to do once you finish college.  We can revisit this discussion then, but for now, no, I’m not taking you to Mexico or anywhere outside the US.  But you’re right, it’s unrealistic, so let’s just leave the door open, okay?”

“No, no!  It’s not okay!  People, gay and straight, travel all over the world every day.  I understand you’re not wanting to be responsible if, that’s IF, something happened to me.  But I don’t have to go to the festival.  All I want is to be with you.  I don’t even have to leave the hotel.”

“Kurt, stop, just….stop!  We both knew this was going to be difficult from the very beginning….yet, we both wanted to try.  And that’s what we’re doing – trying.  Is it so unreasonable  to ask that you wait a few months or even a year?  I’m going to be here more often than not!  I’m not even going back to Mexico City to live this year because I want us to be together as much as possible.”

“So, now it’s my fault you’re not going to Mexico City?  This is ridiculous..”  Kurt stood up, got out of the tub and grabbed one of the bath sheets.  

“Kurt, I didn’t say anything was your fault….I chose to stay here for us….please stop….get back in the tub….”  Kurt took the bath sheet, wrapped it around himself and left the bathroom obviously frustrated and angry, while Javi stayed right where he was.  Well, it had happened at last, their first argument…at least now he understood where all of the insecurity had been coming from lately.  This was not just about Javi going to Monterrey without Kurt.  He’d be performing, surrounded by fans, doing what he loved to do most….and Kurt would be here, feeling like there was a part of Javi’s life HE would never fully be a part of.  That wasn’t true of course, but Kurt was only 22, and he’d never been in a situation like this.  Sure, he and Blaine had been apart many times, but Blaine wasn’t a celebrity, a performer, someone showered with adulation whether they deserved it or not.  And then after the way their relationship had ended….it might be a long time before Kurt would feel he could honestly trust his own judgment much less trust anyone else’s completely….and he shouldn’t have set such expectations upon him.

Staying in the tub was the wisest course of action right now.  It would give him time to contemplate how to approach his hurt and very unhappy boyfriend and give Kurt time to calm down.  Arguing with Kurt was not going to be like arguing with Tonio.  Of course, he’d always known that.  Fighting with Tonio was akin to a sport, at least for Tonio …and once Javi had learned the rules of the game, sometimes for him, too.  It was extremely hard to hurt Tonio’s feelings; he was always positive he was right….until you proved to him that he wasn’t, and then the fight was over, mostly because he let Tonio believe even in his wrongheadedness, that he was a little bit more right than wrong. In spite of what was happening in his life at present, he had to smile about fighting with Tonio.  Kurt was so sensitive, in a good way, and he loved him all the more for it.  He doubted he’d be able to convince Kurt that Javi was right, so instead he’d have to find another way.  And his poor Kurtito!  Here he’d gone to all this trouble with the meal and the candles and the bath just to try to convince him to take him on a four-day trip, but he knew that to Kurt it might as well have been a week or a month.  It wasn’t just the time but the circumstances.

He decided not to waste the bath, knowing Kurt was almost certainly not ready to be confronted.  He submerged his entire body in the soothing water, finally coming up for air, feeling slightly more clear headed.  He turned his attention to how he should address their situation, requesting a small dose of divine guidance.  About 45 minutes later, he arose from the water and drained the tub.  He took his time drying off and snuffing out the candles.  The door to their bedroom was still open.  Kurt was probably in what used to be his bedroom.  He’d leave him alone for a while longer; it wasn’t like he was going anywhere. And as much as he wanted to invite himself in and reassure his Kurtito, he sensed waiting was the better option. Javi found a pair of light sweats, knowing from past experience that approaching your angry partner naked was not a better option; it usually resulted in making them even angrier, like you were being disrespectful of their hurt feelings.  He wandered back to the media room to turn off the music and snuff out the remaining candles scattered throughout the three rooms.  

As he was leaving the media room he glanced up at the wall where he’d displayed the collage Kurt had given him for his birthday.  He was so proud of him.  He couldn’t think of one single person confident enough in their own selves to create what Kurt had.  He and Kurt and Tonio in a single picture frame.  Javi had even ordered an engraved plaque for it stating the date, the occasion and the giver.  Kurt had never been the least bit jealous of Tonio and the whole of what he’d meant to Javi, yet he was insecure about a crowd of nameless people who paid to see Javi perform.  Although to be fair, Tonio wasn’t a threat to their relationship, and those nameless people didn’t care about anyone’s feelings but their own when seeking a hookup with a celebrity.  And that was the very thing that presented a threat.  Again, he shook his head, wondering how he could not have foreseen this?

As he made his trek back to the bedrooms, he stopped at the door to what was once Kurt’s bedroom (he refused to think of it in any way but past tense) and tapped on the door with his knuckles. He heard Kurt roll over on the bed, but he didn’t acknowledge Javi’s attempt to gain entry.  “Kurt, please, we need to talk and we can’t do that if I’m on this side of the door.  Kurt?  Please?”  Javi could feel the silent tension, but gave Kurt a little more time.  Finally, “Come in,” was all he said.  

The room was dark as a cave because of the blackout curtains and Kurt hadn’t bothered to turn on a single light…..probably because his heart desired no illumination.  Javi sat on the edge of the bed and asked if he could please turn on the bedside lamp.  Kurt gave him only a quiet, “Sure.”  The soft light revealed Kurt in a pair of boxers, lying on his side facing the wall….away from Javi.  Javi didn’t try to touch him…not yet.  

“Mi Kurtito, I’m so sorry.  I should have anticipated this.  Maybe I’ve just been on my own for too long.  I wasn’t thinking about how…..this situation must feel to you.  Please mi bebe….look at me please?”  Kurt rolled onto his back, but kept his sad eyes focused on the ceiling, unwilling to look at Javi.  “Please, tell me if I’m on the right track here.  Of course, you don’t want to be away from me, but you’re feeling….left out of….well, a very large part of my life and this is the first time we’re going to be apart….when I’ll be living in that part of my life without you….the performing, the fans, all that comes with being a celebrity.  But….that’s just on the outside, the part that everyone thinks is so glamorous.  It’s not like that when the show is over.  I go back to my room and try to unwind until the next performance.  And yes, there was a time when I wasn’t going back to my room by myself, out of loneliness for the most part, but you know that part of my life is over…well, I’ve told you that anyway and if I have to tell you a million times more, I will.  With you in my life, no matter where I am on the planet, I’m not lonely because I have you.  I have you in phone calls and texting and Skyping and you have me, one hundred percent of me.  I don’t want anyone or anything more than you.  Is that where all the questions about me believing the words I was saying came from?  Mi amor, I love what I do and I love the people who think what I do is worth their time and money, but…..I meant what I said.  When you’re done with school, we’ll revisit you’re coming with me outside the US.  Of course, it’s unrealistic to think that we can live like that forever.  But, it’s not unrealistic for me to be concerned for your safety.  You have to remember, especially south of the border, not everyone knows I’m gay, and even if they do, having you with me could be dangerous for both of us.  Trust me, I know Mexico and Latin America.  And, yes, I’m sure you’re right that a lot of things have changed.  I mean, I’ve been single for over seven years; I haven’t had to deal with my partner’s feelings and how that might affect our lives…our lives, mi amor, not my life.  So…am I on the right track and if I am…do you forgive me for not being more attentive?”

Kurt swallowed hard and took one of Javi’s hands, finally taking his eyes off the ceiling and shifting his gaze to Javi’s face, “Yeah, yes that pretty much says it all…but I’m sorry, too.  How are you supposed to know what I’m thinking and feeling, if I don’t tell you?  Javi, you’re far from inattentive and I can’t expect you to read my mind…I just….sometimes…I feel like the way you think and the way you are….I feel like you’re light years ahead of me…”

“You’re feeling the age difference, aren’t you… and please don’t say no because it’s all a part of us. Kurt, in soooo many ways, you’re light years ahead of me, but I know you don’t see it.  Years do not always equate to wisdom or maturity.  It’s all a part of those things your counsellor was talking about, one of the things we’ll need to work on.  All of this…they’re things we’ll always need to work on and I plan on working on them with you for the rest of my life.  But there’s one thing we’ll never have to work on.  Kurt, I will never cheat on you, never.  We’ve talked about all the ways to deal with temptation and none of them have failed me yet.  When I tell you I love you, I don’t just mean only today, I mean for as long as you’ll have me, bebe.”

Javi couldn’t tolerate another second.  He gathered Kurt into his arms and then stretched out on the bed beside him, listening to their breathing, stroking Kurt’s back and whispering soothing words.  Every time he thought he couldn’t love this beautiful man any more, suddenly he did.  And silently he thanked God that their first fight was now in the past.  He still believed that it was a milestone in any relationship.  Sometimes the first fight could define the way a couple settled their differences forever, unless like he’d told Kurt, you worked on it.

Kurt lay in the warmth and safety of Javi’s arms, not sure why he felt he needed his protection now, yet not in some other country.  The fact was, he didn’t need protection in many ways, but he felt secure with him.  He honestly did trust him, but there wasn’t a person alive who didn’t feel insecure about something.  This was the direction his counsellor had gently been leading him and now he knew why, and why his reactions lately had been so out of character for him.  Shifting his position, he softly kissed Javi on the neck, nuzzling closer, and Javi held him a little tighter. 

“I’m really sorry, mi Javi,”  Kurt sighed, to which Javi replied, “We’ve apologized, I’m assuming I’m forgiven because you certainly are, and now we have something to start our list with…..and our first fight is officially over, right?”  Kurt laughed….and then Javi joined him…and pretty soon they were rolling on the bed unable to stop laughing.  When Kurt could breathe again without being overcome with yet another fit of laughter, he caught Javi around the waist, “And now the best part about fighting….makeup sex!”  Javi, still laughing, said, “Oh, no, I’m not that easy….you force-feed me chili and then make me take a warm bath all alone and I even had to snuff out all the candles so the house wouldn’t burn down….I’m exhausted!  And all because Buffy, my maid, threw a tantrum! No way, you’ll just have to have makeup sex with yourself, now leave me…”  They wrestled on the bed, Kurt trying to get the upper hand, and Javi really not trying very hard to stop him, “Hmmmm…..sex with myself….will you watch?”  Kurt laughed.  “Well, if you insist, mi Kurtito….”  “This is what I insist on….now shut up and let me….”  Kurt held Javi by the shoulders and kissed him as if it were their very first kiss…except not as gently and more like controlling his passion wasn’t the first thing on his mind.  Javi still continued to struggle just enough so that Kurt laid down flat on top of him, pinning his hands to the bed, “Just get comfortable….you’re not going anywhere for awhile…” Kurt breathed between kisses and attempting to stop Javi from squirming beneath him.  “Such empty threats…..show me you really mean it, my temperamental tom kitty…come on….show me……you wanted makeup sex….let’s see whatcha got…. ” Kurt shoved his shoulders to the bed again and held them as tightly as he could, then sat up on his belly so he could control the rest of him.  “Come on, mi Kittito, show me whatcha got….” and Kurt kissed Javi hard, enjoying his taunting voice….it only made it hotter.  When Javi stopped struggling and began to respond to Kurt’s kiss, he slid his hands down his arms, grasping his hands, raising them just above Javi’s head.  Kurt slowly and sensuously withdrew his lips from Javi’s and whispered, “If you want more you’re gonna have to come get it….” Kurt lowered his lips, and then his tongue slowly to Javi’s mouth just barely touching it, and then withdrawing it again knowing Javi would have to struggle to reach what he was craving, yet Kurt kept repeating the movement, teasing, under his breath, “Show me you want me, mi amor…..oh you can do better than that…..is this what you want?” he questioned as he lightly licked Javi’s lips with his tongue, barely kissing him, “oh mi bebe you can’t show me….how sad….well then tell me….tell your temperamental tom kitty….you want me to share this?…..” and again he brushed his lips and tongue over Javi’s continuing up his jawline, nibbling his ear…..and then back down to his lips….”maybe you want me to kiss you a little….less?….”  Kurt teased….”no I don’t think that’s what you want….I’m sitting on something…..very hard….”  Kurt moved against Javi’s hard-on….” a bigger bite maybe?…..oh poor Javito…..is this what you want?”  Kurt lowered his lips, kissing Javi’s just a tiny bit more intensely until his lips were pressed firmly against Javi’s….”Let me see if this is what you want….show me if this is….really….realllyyy what….you….want….” Kurt nudged his tongue into Javi’s mouth, finding Javi’s tongue, searching his mouth slowly, feeling Javi stir beneath him, his whole body pleading with Kurt to touch him…everywhere….with his tongue….with his hands….he was beyond caring….all he wanted was Kurt…..and Kurt knew it….

He liberated Javi’s hands and used his own to pull the sweats off, leaving Javi completely naked….and defenseless against what he wanted from Kurt.  After he’d removed his shorts, starting from the foot of the bed, Kurt knelt on the floor, working his way up Javi’s body, with his fingers, his lips, his tongue, exploring and questioning his Javito, pleasing him in every way he knew how.  Kurt loved discovering and rediscovering all the places and different ways that Javi liked to be touched and teased, and of course, he loved it when Javi reciprocated. 

Listening to his breathing and his soft moans was powerful music to his ears.  As he reached Javi’s pelvis, again he laid himself atop Javi’s body, rubbing his hard-on across his belly, and whispered, “How….how do you want us…..show me……tell me…..”  Javi wrapped his arms around Kurt’s neck, “Like this….” and he turned their yearning bodies so they were laying on their sides, kissing Kurt with open-mouthed passion, pressing his ready prick against Kurt’s stomach, pulling him closer, not wanting to lose contact with any part of Kurt’s body.  Finally, he released Kurt’s mouth and breathlessly asked Kurt to hand him the small jar on the nightstand that contained oil.  His eyes burning black, he gazed into Kurt’s and said, “Just like we did last weekend but it’s my turn to see what you like, bebe….”  He opened the jar and applied some of the oil to his hands, reaching for Kurt’s ass, pulling him closer, and taking his lips hostage once again.  

Javi loved how it felt to massage the oil into Kurt’s cheeks using his fingers, gently testing his fingernails, all the while rubbing against Kurt’s body as Kurt did the same.  Occasionally, Javi would quietly ask Kurt what he liked, this? that? more? less? and it was obvious he was enjoying every second…and so was Javi, his hearing immersed in Kurt’s sighing, pleading….moaning.  Javi slid one leg between Kurt’s legs, applying more oil to his hands.  He grasped both of their cocks in one hand, caressing Kurt with his other, holding him close, murmuring how much he wanted him, how Kurt made him feel, what he was planning to do to him now and in the future….and then he felt Kurt trying to hasten the pace and adjusted…..both of them needing and wanting to unloose in orgasm, yet longing to stay where they were……but they couldn’t stay there forever, by this time both of them lost in disconnected murmurs of almost agonizing heat….explosions and needs and desire all converging…. and once again it was quiet, just like the first time they’d tried making love this way.  It was like they’d crossed another intimacy bridge that they hadn’t known would be so essential.  

After a few minutes, Kurt began absently playing with Javi’s hair, and Javi laid his cheek against Kurt’s neck, “Oh, Kurtito, are you sure you want to devote your time to living with a vagabond Mexican?”  Kurt smiled, “It’s a little late to be asking that now, I’ve invested a lot of time in this vagabond Mexican, not to mention my mind, heart, body and soul.  How about you, mi amorcito, are you sure you want to devote your time to living with a directionless student?  “You’re not directionless, you just haven’t found which direction belongs to you and I knew the moment I met you that I wanted you forever; I didn’t even ask myself twice.  Sorry, you’re stuck with me.”   

After a while, they decided to take a shower and get ready for bed.  After Javi insisted Kurt did not have to clean up the bedroom they were in until the next day, they adjourned to their bedroom and showered. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this clean all in one day!”  Javi teased Kurt, referring to the 45-minute warm bath he’d taken earlier.  It was still a little early, so they set the music to something sweet and instrumental, mostly Dave Koz and his smooth jazz sax.  As their conversation took them down paths from here to there and back again, Kurt said, “You always remember the little things; how do you do that?”  Javi asked, “What do you mean, mi amor, what little things?”  “Like holding only my fingers instead of my hand sometimes, you know I love that, and what I said felt good two weeks ago….I mean I can remember a lot of stuff like that, but….I don’t know, ya know?”  Javi kicked off the covers and opened a dresser drawer, removing a notebook similar to the one Kurt used.  “You’re not the only one with notebooks, Kurtito.  I have some of this in a document, too, but I guess I’m like you that way.  I like having it….like this.”

He tossed Kurt the red-covered notebook.  Kurt’s name was written on the inside cover..well, actually it said Kurtito, but that made it all the more personal.  Kurt didn’t know whether to laugh or wrap his arms around Javi and kiss him to death.  On dated pages, he’d written descriptions and ideas about Kurt and what he liked and didn’t like, his impressions….whatever seemed to pertain to Kurt at any given moment and/or their lovemaking, their conversations….”Wow!  What are you going to do when I’m famous and someone discovers this splashing it all over the tabloids?  Or what about if someone discovers it and applies it to you…and me?”  “Guess we’ll just have to go into hiding or live on a desert island; why, do you plan to release it to the press?”

“Sometimes, you are the most wonderfully weird man I’ve ever known!  So!  What, you give yourself tests or something?”  “No, but it’s how I remember.  Anddddd, it’s fun to go back and try this….all over again!  I’d love to do a Moves Like Jagger night again!”  Kurt leafed through the pages, smiling at some, giving Javi sideways glances at others, “Oh my god, you really put that on paper?” And sometimes trying not to laugh. “Why didn’t you suggest I do the same?  I’m going to do this from now on!”  “I didn’t suggest it because I thought it would be…presumptuous, I guess.” “After I’m asleep tonight are you going to sneak out and write about our first try at makeup sex?”  “Maybe…and I was thinking, let’s decide what to fight about tomorrow night so I can be prepared.”  “For????”  “More makeup sex, of course; I want it to be a reeaaallly good fight, mi bebe!”  Kurt picked up a pillow and half-heartedly aimed at smothering his boyfriend. “What! You seemed to like it just fine not even an hour ago!”

“How about if we fight about how much I love you?  Like if I love you this much?”  Kurt spread out his arms, “or if I love you this much?” he spread his thumb and forefinger apart just a little.  “Are you describing your feelings or a certain part of my anatomy?”  “You mean like your descriptions in that notebook?”  “Yeah!  Those pages where I use words like immense…or massive….or gigantic…substantial?”  Kurt laughed, “Or maybe….conceited….. arrogant….big-headed might work……oh! cocky….that’s perfect….or maybe hot stuff?”  

Yes!  The first fight was definitely over….and yes, Javi would be recording it all in his notebook….maybe he’d even write a song about it!