CHAPTER 64 MIDNIGHT AT THE OASIS/NEW MEXICO

CHAPTER 64 – MIDNIGHT AT THE OASIS/NEW MEXICO

Kurt was almost bouncing, animated by where he was and who he was with, and somewhat apprehensive as well. New Mexico! A brand new destination – somewhere he’d never visited, and while many wouldn’t exactly jump at the chance to spend a weekend in Albuquerque, he was here with Javi, not in San Diego working at ways to keep himself occupied and his thoughts not conjuring up a whole host of Javi scenarios in another state. In the beginning it was because he wanted to be with Javi even if he was playing on an iceberg in the North Pole, but as they’d talked about the trip, Javi always on the lookout for opportunities to assist Kurt in his journey, suggested he could acquire some firsthand experience onstage. Not that Kurt had never entertained before an audience, but several thousand music fans? It had taken some….well, let’s be honest….a lot of convincing, but he knew Javi’s idea was a sound one and this would be galaxies beyond his comfort zone. He and his alter egos, Careful and Cautious Kurt, had gone many rounds over the years, CCK holding the Stop sign in the way of his aspirations. Being a performer of any kind was the equivalent of being outside almost any comfort zone. On the other hand, that cautious, meticulous person that lived inside would never let him do less than his absolute best.

After getting his manager’s approval, practice began. Practice! practice! practice! in front of every mirror in the house and especially in the weight room, the four walled mirrors offering an excellent 3D view. Of course, his manager had been a keen observer of Kurt’s video, singing Le Jazz Hot! in full costume, at the Halloween party and after witnessing their practice sessions, determined it would be a good gamble, with an eye toward the future. The festival was an international event, bands and soloists from over 50 countries would be represented and it would be the ideal venue to introduce an aspiring artist. And he liked the concept of mixing Javi’s Mexican roots with Kurt’s obviously American upbringing in keeping with the cultural blending the festival aimed for. It also brought out a side of Javi that he rarely shared in music, but at his manager’s urging, he’d finally dusted off the latent potential. And they were playing in the US where Javi made no secret of his sexual orientation; he didn’t exactly flaunt it either, but this might be one more step towards obliterating his hesitancy. After all, if he could perform in Monterrey in sparkles bright enough to rival the sun, New Mexico would be a piece of cake. Like Monterrey, he’d taken the stage here almost every year.

They’d been given a two-bedroom suite, the hotel connected to the auditorium via a skywalk. “Let’s order up some food! I’m starving!” Javi said as soon as he’d found a place for his luggage. “I thought you said hungry came after the performance,” Kurt teased. “Hey! This Mexican needs fuel to become JAVI!” he laughed with gestures describing himself as if he would turn into Superman at any moment. Quickly grabbing the room service menu, they both chose large chicken salads, not too heavy, but enough to refuel their engines for the preliminaries necessary for Javi’s evening performance.

The spacious suite that allowed them separate bedrooms was precisely what was needed. Kurt was fully acquainted with the requisite steps basic to pre-performance and he left Javi in the quiet of one room, closing the door, and taking up residence in the second bedroom. Their duet wasn’t scheduled until early Sunday afternoon, during the last of Javi’s appearances. He’d been given two choices, he could remain sheltered backstage, watching the show from a safe distance, or he could establish himself as one of the adoring fans in the crowd. Cautious Kurt embraced the backstage idea like a life raft, but Capricious Kurt won, vetoing that idea and opting to “disguise” himself as a participant. Really, how hard could it be to dress in some nondescript jeans and a T-shirt blending in with all the others clad in concert garb? Being shadowed by a member of security at a discreet distance, of course. In the meantime, he’d review his own pre-performance exercises, perfecting in his mind every sequence as he’d been doing every day since the idea of this duet had transformed itself into a reality.

New Year’s Eve was nothing short of a monumental event in New York, watching the ball drop in Times Square signifying throwing off the old and taking on the new, symbolically carrying the hopes and dreams of every person observing with it; nonstop parties that sometimes encompassed every minute from Friday evening until Sunday at midnight, stopping only when the reality of Monday morning made its presence known – Blaine was not going to let Nate miss any of that, especially since next year he hoped to be celebrating a new beginning somewhere other than New York City. The hope that the powers of nature would cooperate, postponing the inevitable rain or snow for a day or two, was tentatively confirmed by the self-proclaimed weather prophets but….He and Jeff had taken advantage of some spare moments to meet for lunch twice during the week, carving out time as Jeff’s schedule was almost guaranteed to be hectic. A holiday like New Year’s only doubled the caseload, not because people were scheduling surgeries so much as people were involved in a haphazard assortment of accidents or had become victims of crime. That was New-York normal, and holidays? Chaos became the new normal. They’d texted each other, as well, and although Blaine felt skittish about the possibility of this being something more than a friendly relationship, he couldn’t help feeling hopeful.

He was actually content with the fact that they hadn’t had a lot of time for each other because he needed time to gain some perspective, to give this new development a frame of reference. During his single appointment with Dr. Osman on Wednesday, of course, they had discussed Jeff. Dr. O had inquired about the frequency of Kurt’s appearance in his thoughts since meeting Jeff. His sanity notebook, as he’d somewhat fancifully named it, revealed…. not much….not much compared to prior to meeting Jeff. Again, his counsellor wondered if he felt he had any insight on why or what it might signify. Yes, actually he did. Blaine had been hypersensitive, mulling it over, until his musings coalesced, flowing onto a full page of writing in the notebook. Blaine acknowledged the fact that he had been in romantic relationships since the age of 15. This was not some startling revelation, but perhaps for the first time he’d gleaned the significance. His relationship with Kurt had lasted about 5 years and when he started feeling insecure, he’d sought out another….why? So he wouldn’t be left alone? Why was he so afraid to be alone? He’d done his level best to avoid the answer, burying it in the same space he’d created for thoughts of the pain he’d inflicted on his former best friend and lover. But now was no time to turn away from the man in the mirror…what he hated the most was how cliched it sounded. In today’s verbiage? He had “daddy issues.” His father had been a no-show for most of his life, and when Blaine had finally opened up about being gay? He became the living equivalent of the acronyms MIA and AWOL. And although it had never been stated as fact, he’d left Blaine’s mom for the equally cliched other woman? Dr. Osman didn’t confirm his thoughts or deny them, but he requested that Blaine continue to elaborate in his journal on everything he’d just told him and concentrate on that until their next appointment.

And it’d been nice having Nate around to hash this over with allowing him the luxury of another point of view. Nate met Jeff on Christmas Day and his initial impression was that he seemed like a good guy. The way he included Nate in the conversation when he could just as easily have focused only on Blaine. They all seemed to have at least something in common; they’d even watched a football game together. If putting the moves on Blaine and hooking up was his main objective, he was disguising it well. He hadn’t even sat next to him on the couch, making it known that he was attracted to Blaine, but not in an uncomfortable way. The trio were looking forward to celebrating New Year’s together. They’d even tossed around the idea of maybe going to one of the gay bars to make merry. It’s not that Chicago had a shortage of gay bars, but Nate thought it would be a nice change of pace to experience what New York had to offer.

Javi was taking a different turn in his music, testing the waters. He found he needed the challenge. Music was never static, changing directions, diverging styles. That didn’t mean you shouldn’t or couldn’t make a successful niche for yourself in a single genre. Just like the music, there was no right way, there was no handbook, you tried, you succeeded or you failed, but most importantly if you failed, you didn’t continue to live in what might have been, you got up and moved on to what’s next. Of course, it was risky, but there was nothing safe about the entertainment business. It had been a careful and calculated decision that led him to choose Inevitable and Sobrenatural, along with beginning and ending with his traditional Todo Cambio. His duet with Kurt would be a relatively recent release…from the latest incarnation of Camila, Click. All were rockier, edgier than his recent norm.

With his mind/body/spirit/voice ritual accomplished, and following a brief siesta to hopefully revitalize his energy stores, he wandered into the room where Kurt was dozing with his earbuds in and a softbound book beside him along with his silent confidant, the notebook. The book was titled, “The Gift of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.” It brought to mind his own dog-eared collection; the titles changed from year to year but the basic principles remained the same. Javi perched on the edge of the bed savoring the moments before he had to awaken him. His hair flopping carelessly over his forehead, he looked like he was 18 instead of 22. Watching Kurt took him back to the days when this situation would have been him and Tonio, still in the phase where their careers were just taking off. The intoxicating aura of the unknown, their preparations perfected by hours and hours of practice and the response of a crowd they never imagined would exist waiting for them, a band with a single word for a name about to take Mexico, and parts also yet unknown to them, by storm.

Back then, the three of them would gather in a single room to practice or bounce new lyrics and melodies off each other. They weren’t the partying types and Tonio would have had an absolute fit if he thought either of his bandmates was experimenting with drugs, so readily available, or alcohol. Although they weren’t choirboys, and they’d certainly allowed temptation to win over more than once, even Tonio, it never became a habit or an obstacle to their demanding their best out of every performance. Usually, after the show was over? Alcohol maybe, but he couldn’t remember a single time he’d seen Tonio or Rigo drunk. And the few times he’d overindulged he’d lived to regret it.

At the end of another performance, they sometimes gathered again to discuss what they’d done right or wrong, but most of the time that waited until the next day when their minds were fresh. Rigo would usually go off to his room, sometimes with company, and it would be just Tonio and Javi. Of course, they both had separate rooms to keep up appearances, but after the show they were rarely separated. Javi had to smile. What he’d told Kurt about post performance was all true. If there was room service, they’d order enough food to feed half their audience and if not they’d send someone out to get them something. And the horny part was true, too. One of the reasons many bands on the road took full advantage of the groupies practically begging them for their sexual favors. Something about the high of performing! As tired as they were, the adrenaline couldn’t be switched off like a lightbulb. At times it was like the days and nights blurred into one long orgy of performing, eating and sex.

He shook Kurt’s shoulder lightly, “Mi amor, open those laser beams; it’s time to get ready.” Kurt shoved his fingers through his hair, wrapping an arm around Javi’s shoulders and pulling him close, kissing the tip of his nose, “Lay down with me for just a few minutes.” Kurt scooted over to make room for Javi, placing his earbuds on the other pillow and sliding the book aside. “I’m so happy to be here with you! I don’t know why it doesn’t bother me as much when you’re in LA or somewhere in California, but I hate being away from you, even if you’re still in the US; it seems silly, I know.” Javi patted his hand over Kurt’s heart and cuddled closer. “It’s not silly, you have to know I feel the same way. Another reason I’m glad you agreed to sing with me here. Maybe you’re on the way to live performances and maybe not, but now’s the time to take advantage of any opportunity that interests you at all….and it would also be a valuable addition to your resume; singing at this festival is no small thing. And of course I always want you around for our own personal…..after party? Aaannnnndddd it’s New Year’s Eve! I wasn’t lying about hungry and horny, so it’s a good thing you got some rest now!” He laughed. “How could you not be exhausted after a performance? And what if you have….I don’t know a headache or something after all the noise….and….?” “Oh, I didn’t say that! Once the adrenaline rush is over, we’ll be crashing, literally! And you, bebe, are the perfect remedy for headaches! Headaches….Kurtito, really????? Now let’s get ready!”

It was cool outdoors, but a balmy 50 as compared to a Lima 20. Kurt was cleverly disguised as himself…as a fan…as just another concert goer. This on the advice of Javi and the security team, jeans, nondescript T-shirt, discreet earrings, the only exception being a brightly colored blue hat. Since Kurt had chosen to blend in with the crowd, blending meant looking like an average twentysomething. The hat was so he stood out enough for them to keep a close eye on him; wearing a hat in New Mexico was similar to browsing through Javi’s enormous collection, one for every occasion and not merely a fashion statement. Backstage, Javi was examining his look. Despite the fact that he’d chosen to dress down as well, at least for him, the showman in him wouldn’t allow for anything less than his professional best. A burnished blue jacket, stark white T-shirt and glossy black pants, black hat and the ever-present sunglasses. That look would change before the weekend was over, as would many things no one was yet aware of.

Javi always made a point of greeting the backstage crew, giving them his full attention, chatting as if they were simply passing time in a coffee shop. He’d told Kurt that this was one of his favorite parts of performing; it put him and them at ease. Kurt peeked around the heavy curtains and almost changed his mind when he saw the enormity of the crowd; yes, he’d been to any number of concerts with audiences to rival this one, but never as a “fan” who suddenly required security. They’d already “assigned” him a position, a couple of the security guys dressed similarly waiting about five rows off stage. Sufficiently close to see Javi’s performance well, but not so close as to increase the risk he might already be taking. Javi wasn’t the only performer this evening, and although he wasn’t planning to stay once he was done, he was still subjected to the crowds waiting before and after for other artists.

Inevitable would be first; it’s what he called his rising from the ashes song. He’d spent what seemed like eons wading through a phase of lost confidence mourning the loss of his lover, Mateo in tatters, fighting the heavy burden of wanting to quit, and knowing he couldn’t…and wouldn’t, not just for his own sake but for Tonio’s and Rigo’s. Tonio may not be a physical presence anymore, but he knew he’d feel his disappointment, and he and Rigo needed to assure one another that all was not lost. And each had forged their own rocky, but eventually successful, paths. Javi had forgotten what it was like to perform solo, the entire production resting on his shoulders and no one else’s. Inevitable had been written 2-3 years after when he’d finally started getting firm footing again. Although Mateo had been the most beloved band in Mexico, that came with a price. Someone always wanted to see you fail so they could take your place, and it was no different even after the tragedy of Tonio’s death. It was a chance to take Mateo’s place and Javi’s as he ventured out on his own. Inevitable was the result, telling the world or at least Latin America that no one could stop him. And it had proven true.

As he strutted on stage, confidence oozing from every pore, every move, showing once again that Javi was very good at reinventing himself, proving his ability to change and grow and still succeed, the crowd responded to this cockier Javi, self-assured…..it was a song all of them could take to heart. Almost all of them had experienced someone trying to crush them, having to return again and again bigger and better. He followed it with his traditional Todo Cambio, drawing his audience out, leaning down to touch hands. The whole performance lasted probably ten minutes, but Kurt didn’t notice time passing, he was so mesmerized. What he’d expected to feel he wasn’t sure, but he was drawn to Javi just as his fans were, as a fan, and yet he had a relationship with this man that any one of them would envy; in fact, any one of them would try to take advantage of if given the chance, even with Kurt there. Capitalizing on his facelessness, he did some incognito reconnaissance, noting the singing fans surrounding him. Kurt owned something precious to them, the key to Javi’s life outside this auditorium, he took up space in his heart…and on a more base level….he had unlimited access to his body. After all, fan was literally short for fanatic….did he really possess that kind of power? It was like a cascade of adrenaline rushing through his veins, invading every cell.

Javi took his bows, the crowd surrounding his performance with cheers and some chanting his name, exiting the stage, still bending down to grasp the fingers of the nearest fans on his way offstage. Barely glancing in Kurt’s direction, he played with the ring on his right hand; the cue for Kurt to zigzag his way backstage, still trying to maintain his anonymity. While Javi did the meet and greet, genuinely interested in each conversation, completely at ease, Kurt chatted with a few of the backstage staff, simply attempting to appear invisible. When the last phone flashed, capturing a picture of a fan with their idol, Javi swiftly and smoothly slipped into the dressing room. Pretending to pay no attention, Kurt continued chatting, barely containing the urge to immediately reopen the door and follow.

When the next act took the stage, Kurt swiftly opened the door. But he’d barely made it through, before he was ambushed by Javi, his kiss hard, turning sensual, grasping Kurt’s hands behind his back and reaching to lock the door, “Do you know how hot it is to see you…..watching me like that? Standing there next to a totally clueless fan?” Kurt took a breath, “Maybe as hot as watching you like that?….knowing that fan isn’t there just for the music….knowing he wants you…or she wants you…knowing every one of them wants you..they allllll love JAVI…they alllllll want to love JAVI….but I’m the only one who gets to do this…” Kurt’s hand and fingers outlining his hard-on….”they all want to touch you like this,” Kurt idly wondering if anyone else had noticed Javi’s arousal from the stage….taking these moments from white-hot to blazing. Frantically unzipping the tight black pants, he stated urgently, almost like he was taunting some imaginary fan in the room..”I’m the only one who can get you into bed…none of them, just me, you belong to just me…” drawing Javi flat against him, shoving his hands under the waistband, groping his muscular ass, then gliding his hands over his hips moving frontward, taking Javi’s hardness into both hands, listening to Javi’s muffled intake of breath…Kurt whispering, “just me…..me…..me…..I get to feel your cock…..I get to make you come, don’t I?….just me…”.the door may be locked but it didn’t mean the room was soundproof. Javi had hurriedly unzipped Kurt’s pants as well, letting them drop to the floor, desperately needing to touch him, to feel his stiffness in his hand. God! He was totally surrounded by Kurt’s seductive, demanding voice……wanting to feel the warmth and pleasure of Kurt coming ….both in a frenzy of movement, against each other, with each other, “Kurt…..you make me so hard….you drive me crazy…..I…” Javi kissed Kurt hungrily, moving his hand tighter and faster….”That’s right just me…..only me….Ohhhhh…..don’t stop…” Kurt attempted between kisses…”don’t stop… ” Kurt using his thumb on the underside of Javi’s prick, his hand in constant motion, his voice strained……”I own you don’t I…don’t I Javi….” running his thumb up and down…up and down…..”Si yes yes…and I couldn’t stop even….I’m coming…..now now now..oh God Kurt…..” They fell against each other, breathless, but unable to stop the kisses….

The Big Apple was revitalized if only for these first few hours of the new year, in remission from the drab of winter, the sting of the cold, like it had received a megadose of optimism and carefree but with a limited effectiveness, so you better take full advantage. The ball had succumbed to gravity one more time and the trio took their time making it through the huge crowd. No point in rushing, it wouldn’t get them anywhere any faster. One of the smaller bars seemed more appealing; no matter, anywhere would be overcrowded, and their choice was a place both Blaine and Jeff were comfortable with, and tonight? Safety had to be a serious consideration. And Nate was appreciative. Chicago? New York? Expansive, sprawling cities….never without an element of danger. Of course, parties had been in full swing most of the day and some would continue until the clock struck midnight at the juncture of Sunday night and Monday morning. Because Nate was visiting, they’d nominated as the winner The Stonewall Inn, supposedly where the LGBTQ movement started in NYC, a piece of history to go along with the celebration. A drag show upstairs, a jukebox and dancing downstairs, you had your choice of either or both. The holiday declaring a moratorium on speedy service, they waited, making conversation with others in line until finally they had drinks in hand. Nate’s choice was to stay downstairs while Blaine and Jeff checked out the upstairs; not only did he want to give them some time alone, but he wanted to check out the place companionless, hoping that his single state for the night would be brief and temporary. He only had 3 more days in NY and unlike Blaine, he wasn’t looking for happily ever after, happily for tonight was all he asked for. Navigating the Big Apple instead of the Windy City lent another layer of excitement to the new year!

It was almost 5 a.m. when they left the bar. Against Blaine’s better judgment, he’d left Nate with his happily for tonight, Jacob. But what was he gonna do? He didn’t require Blaine to be his mommy and he was Chicago streetwise. Nate told him he’d see him later…..hopefully much later….shouting happy new year and quickly shifting his attention from Blaine to Jacob. Of course, that left Jeff and Blaine to ask themselves and each other the slightly uneasy question of what next? One of the things he liked in particular about Jeff was the lack of pressure, no race to reach some imagined goal; in fact, the only goal seemed to be getting acquainted, establishing something with an eye towards a possible future, question mark. There was no denying the physical attraction, and trying to separate that from a possible higher goal? Sure, it was damn difficult! But, thus far his counselling had served him well. He was done with continually returning to Do Not Pass Go in the game of life.

Jeff glanced at Blaine with a half-smile, “Well, this is sorta awkward….what would you like to do, Blaine? And by that I mean do you want to call it a night or what?” Blaine’s place was closer and, no, he didn’t really want to call it a night. It was the new year and even though it was almost dawn, he’d spent one too many of these, celebrating or not, feeling empty. “Let’s go back to my place…if you want. I can fix us some breakfast.” Jeff nodded, “That sounds like a plan! Let’s go, it’s damn cold out here.” They hailed a cab, ending at their destination and hustling indoors.

“Shhhhh!” Javi kept saying, but they couldn’t stop giggling – yes, giggling! Kurt felt like a teenager hoping to make it with a guy for the first time! After their hot and hasty rendezvous in the dressing room, they’d worked their way across the indoor sky bridge adjoining the hotel, sneaking into every shadowed corner to make out, almost daring someone to catch them, drunk on a taste of danger and each other. “Shhh, Kurt!” Javi tried unsuccessfully to quiet his own laughter, as they approached their room. Attempting to compose himself, he put his hands over Kurt’s eyes from behind him, which only served to make Kurt giggle some more, half-whispering, “What are you trying….” Javi gave the door a slight shove and told Kurt he could open his eyes, removing his hands. The room embraced the intimacy of candlelight, two tapers sitting atop the deep blue tablecloth, covered dishes occupying space around the china. It smelled tantalizing, and Kurt realized once again he didn’t have to be onstage to feel the effects of a performance, he started laughing again because Javi was right! Hungry didn’t even come close; he was absolutely famished!

Taking one of Kurt’s hands, he quietly led him to the table, held his chair, offered a gentlemanly bow and seated himself. “Mi Kurtito, I so wanted this “first” to be special, and I could have attempted to take you out on the town, but that might have required a possible disguise, involving security and hoping we wouldn’t run into any fans to disrupt our evening, so here’s to our first “engagement and new year” together. Welcome to our world outside of San Diego!” Our, not “my.” While his happy heart almost melted with love, his cautious alter egos reacted with the usual sense of alarm, still not sure what his part in “this” world was yet.

Javi had ordered a traditional American meal – steak, potatoes, vegetables, water and wine – enough carbs and protein to cause any person not high on adrenaline to fall into a sleep-induced coma. But even as they enjoyed the food and offered observations and suggestions in a post-performance review, their bodies were like magnets, going out of their way to brush hands, even playing footsie under the table, Javi sneaking glances at Kurt and vice versa, each looking away quickly knowing what they’d see in the other’s eyes, fighting to hold each other’s gaze – as Kurt had described it from the beginning, like animated electricity! It felt like they’d landed back in the park in San Diego without the blanket, the picnic and the sights and smells of the outdoors surrounding them, still shy in each other’s presence.

And oh how Javi had anticipated this! His talents didn’t extend to prophecy…but he was as prepared as anyone could be. Having toasted the new year and all their hopes and desires for it, they carefully set the dishes outside the door and slipped on the Do Not Disturb sign….checking it twice. And when Javi turned around, there was his luscious boyfriend in his distressed jeans, a blue mesh T-shirt, and earrings (Kurt in earrings and nothing else….one of his recurring fantasies), looking every inch the fan, especially with his hair tumbling over his forehead and into his eyes after their romp in the dressing room. He strolled in Kurt’s direction, forcing himself to hold that blue-eyed gaze, taking Kurt’s fingers loosely in his own, leaning into his ear and whispering, “If you want to take a nap first…..I’m hoping it’s going to be a very, very long night, mi Kurtito…” to which Kurt replied by taking Javi’s face into his hands, kissing him like they hadn’t been doing this in a frenzy ever since the concert ended…..yet Javi gently but firmly nudged him away, “Oh no, no, no, my love,” Kurt felt his knees go weak….the way he said that….it got him every….single….time, “Not yet….a shower first” and as Kurt took Javi’s hand again he said, “Noooooo, separately…..you first and be sure to take some underwear with you….” Kurt gave him a very puzzled look and Javi chuckled under his breath, “Trust me….” He wouldn’t even allow Kurt an I’ll see you after the shower kiss. Listening for the sound of the rushing water, knowing his time was limited, he swiftly found what he wanted in his luggage. The case containing all that was needed to awaken and heighten their five senses – smell, taste, touch, hearing, sight.

A download of desert winds to reflect their current environment, photos of their surroundings and of them together and alone, several large candles comingling the scents of New Mexico: chili pepper, cactus, cedarwood, sandalwood, nutmeg and musk. At his request someone had been kind enough to seek out the local bakery known for their chocolate eclairs; four of them. And last, some Cactus Dewberry body oil which he placed in a warmer within easy reach on the bedside table. Once he was satisfied, he adjusted the swish of the winds, as he heard Kurt get out of the shower. The room again lay in the shadow of candlelight.

Kurt’s expression was priceless. Standing in the doorway, toweling his hair, and as instructed, wearing underwear, he looked around the room astonished. A song from the ’70s, its lyrics hidden wherever his brain stored them, came to mind – Midnight at the Oasis by Maria Muldaur – where in the world had he even heard it? Suddenly, their hotel room had become as close as Javi could get it to a night in the desert. He smiled wide and he made a move to embrace him, but Javi wouldn’t let him….”Nooooo, just get comfortable, mi amor….close your eyes and rest while I take a shower…because I’m hoping we won’t be resting anytime soon….” and he walked into the bathroom himself, inhaling the scent of lavender body wash that lingered in the steam.

Stretching out full length, a contented sigh escaping his lips, he took stock of his surroundings. Everything! And he took each in slowly and carefully trying to picture the desert in New Mexico he’d never seen, trying to identify the aromas around him, noticing that Javi had left the curtains open to the balcony. He could see himself quite clearly and that tingle of turn-ons alive as yet only in his imagination caused him to shiver; he knew his Javi had not left them open by accident. The soft scent and warmth preceded Javi as he walked back into the room, also wearing underwear, barely there, but underwear nonetheless. After moving the damp towels to a nearby luggage stand, he perched on the edge of the bed, sliding his still damp body to the middle, crossing his legs yoga style. Kurt sat up and did the same, wanting to tell him that sitting yoga style in those underwear pretty much negated the purpose of wearing them….but he didn’t.”

Other than Ohio, we’ve never been outside of California together, and since I can’t give you a proper tour this trip….well, I wanted to maybe bring New Mexico inside to us. And maybe take us back….and then forward….to when we first met. Remember sitting in the park and talking about foundations and cake and frosting?” He laughed, and so did Kurt, “Well, of course I remember….I thought I might die if you didn’t at least kiss me….and even then I thought I might die if you did…” “And do you remember when I tried to recreate some of that and….it didn’t go so well?” “Yeah, I do….why?” “I want to try it again, mi amor, and maybe wander into who knows where, but that’s where I want to start….if that’s okay with you.” Kurt reached for Javi again to tell him with a kiss that yes! yes! it was definitely okay, but Javi grasped his fingers, drawing Kurt’s eyes to his own, steadily gazing at him from under his eyelashes.

“My beautiful, sexy, lovable Kurt, by the time I let you kiss me again tonight….I’m hoping you’ll have forgotten where you are because all of you and all of me will be lost…and found in each other…..now, close your kaleidoscope eyes, please, and quiet your mind..” One of his favorite pet names, kaleidoscope eyes, as Javi had christened them….Kurt felt a flutter in his chest. He closed them and concentrated his thoughts on where he was, grounded to the softness of the bedcovers, as he felt Javi touch his shoulders first, lingering to feel the muscles, moving upwards and over his neck, tilting Kurt’s chin upward slightly with his thumbs, drawing a fingernail along the sensitive skin from his chin to his chest, hovering over the hollow of his throat, waiting to feel his pulse. Inhaling deeply and using both hands, he skipped and danced his fingers over Kurt’s ears, cupping his face along his jawline, leaning in to breathe softly against his lips, then outlining the cleft in his chin. Just like in the park, Kurt could feel himself tumbling…..falling in love without a parachute, as Javi etched his cheekbones and his eyelids, lightly running his fingers over the tips of his eyelashes, and Kurt couldn’t help but sigh. Then, his fingers were touching his brow and drawing his fingers through his thick ginger hair….and he heard a soft moan escape Javi’s lips, until finally he ran his fingers over his shoulders and down his arms, hesitating over the sensitive skin at the inside of each elbow, tracing a finger back and forth, then lightly grasping his fingertips, “Open your eyes, mi Kurtito..” he said with a ragged breath. And there it was again, that look….pure lust, desire…and the love that they’d tried so hard to hide from themselves, from each other, too early, too frightening, now deep as the well of his brown-black eyes.

Kurt swallowed and didn’t say anything until Javi nodded and said, “Now…you, dulzura (sweetness).” His fingers lovingly caressed Javi’s cinnamon skin….that spark….it penetrated his arms like liquid heat. He loved Javi’s velvety skin, slowly outlining his beautiful bone structure and his full, tender lips..his fingertips lingering there…employing his sense of touch to lick that little space that his tongue found incapable of resisting, his sensitive ears, and as he ran his fingers over his eyelashes he thought he felt a tear….or maybe it was just a drop of water from his damp curls…his curls…. he’d saved them for last, wanting to take them and pull Javi into his arms….kissing him and them sin piedad y silencio, just like the song (Besame (Kiss Me) – without mercy and in silence)…he took a breath and let it out slowly, sliding his hands behind Javi’s neck, flattening them as he slowly explored the muscles around his shoulders and his biceps, noting their symmetry…until finally his hands arrived at Javi’s, taking his fingers….the pads of his fingertips playing over his palms….keeping his eyes closed just a moment longer, savoring his own emotions, “Open your….” he looked up and Javi’s eyes were practically boring into his….he may not be naked…but what he saw in his eyes?….naked craving…naked heat….fierce love….and he knew that Javi was seeing the same in the ever-changing collage of color flashing from his own eyes. Javi reached out to touch him….but hesitated and stopped, lowered his eyes, and took a deep breath.

“What do you hear?” Kurt lowered his eyelids allowing his hearing to eavesdrop on the swishing wavery sounds, “Wind? Is it the desert? I mean, wind in the desert?” “Si, and it’s almost as beautiful as your voice and your sighs….almost. Now what do you smell?” Kurt kept his eyes closed, inhaling the bouquet of scents….One of his favorites….sandalwood was easy…and musk? Something spicy? Cactus? He wasn’t sure…he’d never smelled a cactus, but he recited the scents to Javi, “Si, just like the sandalwood you love to tempt me with…and the musk of mi Kurtito….and that touch of spice?…that’s your sass…and, yes, cactus…..the prickly little cactus you hardly ever let anyone see…except when you raise one eyebrow…. And what do you see? Open your eyes….tell me what you see…” Kurt opened his eyes, leaning back on his hands and carefully surveying the room, “shadows from the candles….us! all over…us!…” their reflection in the balcony window….”and more of us….now! The pictures are us then….and…” “Si, the shadows are like….the comfort we feel in each other’s company…and the pictures….and the reflection…si, they are us then and us now, si.”

“Do you remember the first song I sang for you?” Kurt thought for a minute, “At You Are Here….something called Nothing….something?” Javi smiled at that. “I remember some of the words, I don’t ask of you the impossible, um, I feel indestructible….”

NOTHING AROUND

I can fall, vanish between your lips

slide and understand,that we are here

and we still have things to discover

And I ask you to never let me go, that your hands be my safety net

And that you hold to me

I don’t ask of you the impossible

Because it exists already between you and me

I feel indestructible with you

At your side, the imperfect is perfect

And because of you, every step is right

You are the echo in my silence

You complete the incomplete

Nothing around only you and me

The fear is over and the darkness grew up

We are here

We still have things to discover.

Javi took one of his hands, humming, then softly vocalizing the song, “I can fall, vanishing between your lips,” tracing a finger over their softness, “that we are here” he embraced the room with his free hand “and we” pointing at Kurt and then himself “still have things to discover,” he stopped singing looking directly into Kurt’s eyes and recited, “And I ask you to never let me go”, squeezing his hand, “that your hands be my safety net and that you hold me,” Javi took a quiet breath, “I don’t ask of you the impossible because it exists already between you and me,” he slowed the cadence, never taking his eyes from Kurt’s, “I feel indestructible with you, at your side the imperfect is perfect, and because with you every step is right,” he touched Kurt’s lips again, “you are the echo,” and then tapped his own, “in my silence, you, mi Kurtito, complete the incomplete.” Kurt didn’t know what to say…or if he should say anything. He felt a sense of the sacred…..love was sacred and the words were their destiny, “Javi….” Javi put a finger to his lips.

And then the solemn mood changed as Javi picked up a white box that had gone unnoticed on the bed….a pastry box. He opened the box revealing a gigantic chocolate eclair. The other three were on a covered dish in the refrigerator, waiting to be shared at another time. This one was just for pure, unadulterated fun. He left it in the box between them, smiling to himself…glad they had this huge king-size bed to play on and that it didn’t have white bed clothing. He requested that Kurt close his eyes again…”but why….and don’t you dare say trust me,” said his eyebrow, “I see that look on your face….” Javi chuckled, “oh, Kurtito, my little cactus! What? You think I’m going to do you harm with a piece of pastry?” But Kurt saw that twinkle in his eye…and then Kurt started laughing…again…but shut his eyes. The sensation of Javi fingerpainting his upper torso with what felt and smelled like chocolate frosting, caused him to exclaim, “What! What are you….????” Keep your eyes closed! I’m having fun….aren’t you?” He felt a dab of icing slither over the down of his chest hair. Kurt couldn’t stop laughing, but he tried to stay still, allowing Javi to use his body like a canvas, finishing his handiwork before continuing his sticky artwork on his lower half, enjoying it every bit as much as a child would,….and when he was done, he handed the eclair to Kurt, “Your turn!” Javi closed his eyes and Kurt looked down, studying his own body…a delightful mess of chocolate. Now, he was into it! He repeated what Javi had done, even dotting his nose and chin and laughing….”hmmm! I can’t tell the difference between the chocolate and your skin…” and he smeared a little more on his cheeks. When the eclair was bare (sorry, I couldn’t resist), Javi opened it up and dipped his fingers in the slippery, gooey filling, urging Kurt to do the same, smearing it liberally over his body blending it with the chocolate, anywhere he could reach a likely target, until both of them were laughing so hard, at times almost throwing the filling at each other, letting it land where it may.

Javi pushed Kurt backward onto the pillows, hovering over his pastry-slimed body, both of them still laughing…at last catching their breath, their eyes meeting just like they had over dinner…..but now, both of them unable to look away. Javi used the tip of his tongue to lick a dollop of creamy chocolate from Kurt’s turned-up nose, returning his gaze to the eyes that held the depths of his own soul, “I love you so much, Kurt…Sometimes….sometimes. .it hurts I love you so much….sometimes….it frightens me…..like I’m going to lose myself..in you….or…or worse…you’ll disappear….and sometimes I feel like….I don’t deserve you….and someone’s…God! I don’t know who….is going to figure that out and take you away… Kurt, I loved you the first time I laid eyes on you….I loved you when you purposely kept your back turned away from me that night….I kept waiting for someone else to come claim you even when you said you were alone.. I’m still so hopelessly in love…I didn’t even need to see your face or your amazing eyes…….but when I did? I wanted to eat you up just like I’m going to do right now…” and he began by lightly licking the cream filling and chocolate he’d smeared all over Kurt’s mouth, taking his time, he and Kurt continuing their play, their mouths and tongues slowly and sweetly exploring each other’s mouth. Kurt let his sticky fingers slide over Javi’s body, drawing him closer, “yes Kurt touch me…..please touch me….”, the feel of the chocolate frosting and creamy filling…..he couldn’t describe it….and who cared if he could? It was driving him crazy! He pushed Javi flat on his back, lacing their hands together, fighting not to rush. He took the kiss to Javi’s messy sweet face, “ohhhhh I’ll touch you mi Javito……maybe I’ll never stop touching you…..maybe they’ll be nothing left to touch because eating you up is at the top of my list too….” he moved his kisses back to Javi’s mouth, reaching between his tented legs and lightly running his fingers and hand over Javi’s hardness leaving his underwear in place, feeling him move against his hand….his legs falling open…..feeling Javi’s moan against his lips. “Do you like how I’m touching you…..” Kurt whispered against his lips…….”where I’m touching you…..yessss it sounds like you want me to touch you more…..” He took his time, playing and stroking his cock and then his balls…sliding his fingers beneath the edges of his underwear. He could hear and feel Javi’s hot breath against his mouth, loved feeling him squirm beneath him….his underwear damp with pre-cum….his moans and words slurring together in whispers and sighs, urging Kurt to touch….to taste….to say…..while at the same time unable to stop himself from touching….and tasting….and saying…..whispering his sweet agony. Kurt slid his mouth and tongue down to one of Javi’s nipples, capturing it lightly between his teeth, sliding a chocolate sweet finger between Javi’s lips. And while Kurt played his mouth and tongue over Javi’s responsive nipple, Javi sucked Kurt’s finger in unison – why was something so simple so damn hot?! Kurt, in their game, had placed a dollop of chocolate over Javi’s navel….”do you want me to eat you up, mi sexy Javito??…..,” he murmured as he moved lower on the bed, his hand never leaving Javi’s crotch, “I love to touch you here…..tell me….say you……oh yes you love it too…..tell me again…..just….like…. that…,” his mouth never leaving Javi’s skin, “do you want me to touch you here bebe….”. he slipped his tongue in and out of Javi’s vulnerable navel, gauging how deep by Javi’s moans….”ohhhhh Javiiiiii should I touch you here?????” relishing his gasps each time the tip of his tongue met its mark. Kurt was achingly hard but he was wallowing in Javi’s uninhibited need and desire. God! He was so turned on!

And then he felt Javi’s grasp under his arms, pulling him back up next to him and gripping his ass tightly, forcefully clenching him against his body….”What you do to me……You take me places…..come here…..now….I want you…..so much…I want you sooooo much…..” he began rubbing his hard prick against Kurt’s, underwear still in place, but not for long. Javi slid his hands under the waistband….”I love your ass…..” he whispered, kneading it, then reaching around the front, hurriedly sliding Kurt’s underwear down, while Kurt did the same with Javi’s. Javi had almost forgotten about the warmed oil. He rolled on his side, dipped his fingers and returned his hand to Kurt’s cock, loving the way Kurt literally slid himself into his waiting hand like he was pleading with Javi to touch him….now! They didn’t even kick off their underwear, all they wanted was each other….now! As Javi gripped one oily hand around both he and Kurt, the sensation of their stone-hard cocks bound together almost more than he could take, his lips found Kurt’s again, wishing they could melt into each other’s skin he wanted him so badly. In Javi’s mind all the external faded, the sounds, the smells, everything but their touching, everything but their swollen lips and swollen pricks, everything but the sound of their animal passion begging to be satisfied. And when it finally was, again, they couldn’t stop the kisses….they couldn’t stop the kisses….they couldn’t……

Kurt woke up looking at the digital clock radio on the nightstand; four a.m. He glanced over at Javi….little blotches of chocolate and sticky cream still clinging to his skin, even in his hair. And Javi was still holding his hand in his sleep…..unable to stop touching…..What a night! Between the dressing room and four a.m. they’d made love three times….and not just made love….it was flat out scorching hot sex…his tongue testing the sweet soreness of his lips…..horny being the perfect description…..horny….hot.. ..and Kurt was hungry….again. He got up and checked the fridge for the other eclairs. Yep! Three of them. He’d have one…and maybe a half, leaving the rest for Javi. Sitting down on a comfy chair, he looked around the room, the scents of the snuffed candles still evident, the sound of the desert winds still blowing, the photos and pictures….they hadn’t even utilized that balcony window….yet….maybe this afternoon….. tonight? Geez, Kurt! This afternoon? Tonight? You haven’t even made it to the next performance, and he smiled, licking some of the cream from his fingers.

Kurt was nervous, pacing the small dressing room, staring at the floor like it held the answer to an ancient mystery he had to discover, but then he had never performed before a crowd of several thousand. He looked down at his attire for the millionth time, straightening this, removing imaginary lint, turning side to side, watching in the mirror again. He wore a silver-gray leather jacket and pants with a black shirt sprinkled with white stars, his star earring of black and mother of pearl in one ear and a single diamond stud in the other, black shoes, and a less than self-assured look on his face. Javi reached around his torso from behind and hugged him. “Kurtito! You’re going to upstage me and take their breath away!” Kurt said, “I could always let you sing it solo..” only half kidding. “Oh, no, mi amor! It’ll be over before you know it and you’ll suddenly realize you loved it so much you missed it!”

Javi stepped into the spotlight to the usual applause, cheers, screaming, the flashes from his multicolored jacket bouncing in all directions, maroon, blue, purple, silver everywhere, and placing his hand on his purple hat, he explained the song he’d be singing as a duet and then introduced Kurt, not elaborating on their relationship, referring to him as a new and aspiring artist. The crowd seemed to love the fact that they were doing a Mateo song….any Mateo song…even though Javi had not in any way had a hand in this song’s creation. Their three dancers, two men and a woman, were all dressed in skintight highly sparkled black. No special effects were needed on this stage. Between Javi’s raiment and the flash from the dancer’s outfits, a fireworks display would look muted.

After all the hours of practice, learning the lyrics in both Spanish and English, Kurt had reached the point where he was sure he could sing it in his sleep, and probably had! Probably danced to it in his sleep, too – Click was the ultimate dance party song. And his countertenor easily captured the high notes. But a simple phrase like “pareces sexy (you look sexy)”? Sometimes they’d crack up every time they sang-whispered it while looking at each other, other times it almost felt too intimate to sing under the watchful eyes of fans, not sure what they would take away from it or read into it. New Mexico was sort of Javi’s test tube for making any decisions about revealing the true nature of he and Kurt’s relationship, at least in the US. The formula being it was in the US, a venue he’d played more than once and his manager’s opinion after watching them live together. Javi was more concerned for Kurt than himself in this instance, but finally they both agreed whatever happened happened. They would either give their best performance without holding back or they wouldn’t do it at all. As they hit the first “I have an obsession for you” emphasizing it with words, body language and contrasting voices, the crowd joined in, clapping and swaying to the easy beat.

Click

I remember you from television

And although you’re weird

I love that about you

My world became multicolored

And I put in pause

To be close to you

A kiss to the screen

I feel that you put my soul on fire

My circuit is in overload

I hope that the time comes

With a click

Have you here

I have an obsession for you

With a click

Have you here

I have an obsession for you

I would like to go through that crystal

Touch you without pixels

And find out if you’re real

I refuse to change that channel

Measure you in decibels

I think of you, so the signal goes

A kiss to the screen

I feel that you put my soul on fire

My circuit is in overload

I hope that the time comes

With a click

Have you here

I have an obsession for you

With a click

Have you here

I have an obsession for you

And I dream again

Entering in your skin

You don’t know how much I imagine

To be in live, there with you

You don’t know how much I imagine

To be in live, there with you

It felt good to be performing again, especially a duet; he’d always loved singing them with Blaine. Just as music now brought him and Javi closer together, the same had been true of him and Blaine. Music was something he needed, not just a pastime….had he even realized that until now? Or had he tucked the thought away for almost three years….all part of not wanting to revisit that essential part of his life that was so wrapped up with Blaine? He didn’t know, didn’t care right now. He put every ounce of concentration into recreating what they had been practicing for over two months. And it truly felt like it was over too soon.

Every single person in that auditorium knew Javi’s last song would be Todo Cambio, always changing the words slightly to fit the city he was in, but when Kurt made a move to exit the stage, without any prompting from Javi, they invited him to stay with their clapping and chanting his name…..really??? He’d only sung a single song and they remembered his name? Javi glanced at him and tilted his head, as if saying “Well?” He couldn’t leave; he didn’t want to disappoint them….so he joined in with Todo Cambio; a song much easier to learn than Click.

“So, mi Kurtito! I think you clicked with the audience???” Kurt rolled his eyes, but he was smiling from ear to ear, and just when he was sure he’d used up the last drop of adrenaline? There it was again..what a rush! “Javi, they LOVE you….right now, if anything, they may LIKE me….but I love you, I love you, I love you for convincing me to do this!” He wrapped his arms around Javi’s shoulders, accidentally knocking the purple hat off his head, as Javi laughed and hugged him in return. “So, bebe! Are you hungry?” Still holding onto Javi he said, “I’m ravenous! Let’s eat in the restaurant downstairs tonight! I don’t care if your fans bother us!” Javi was so proud of Kurt and couldn’t help but get caught up in his excitement! “I like that idea…and since we don’t leave until tomorrow morning, we have plenty of time for the other half of hungry…” he raised his eyebrows at Kurt, and since the door to the dressing room wasn’t completely closed, they whisper-shouted, “HORNY!!!!”, laughing at themselves.