CHAPTER 74 PROCEED WITH CAUTION

CHAPTER 74 – PROCEED WITH CAUTION

Kurt lay with his eyes closed stretched out on the media room couch, his head resting on Javi’s chest.  He heard the page turn as Javi’s concentration focused on the book he was reading, Fate and Destiny: The Two Agreements of the Soul.  He sighed, Kurt wasn’t sure if he’d believed in either fate or destiny before he’d met Javi.  Still uncertain, he often wished he could somehow acquire Javi’s unshakable faith in both.  Apparently, Kurt’s soul was still in negotiations with no suitable agreements on the table.  He understood that his destiny was dependent on himself; it could be changed and bent, it was malleable.  Your personal choices created your destiny.  Fate, on the other hand, was supposedly forces outside of you.  Say you got on a bus to go to work and the bus gets a flat tire, which leads you to being late for work.  Those events were beyond your control.  That was fate. If that was so, the bus of his life seemed stuck on their flats with passengers he would never have chosen to take this trip with him, not again.

And without a doubt the recent developments in their lives had him wondering.  In a million years he would never have chosen the intertwining of lives that was taking place.  Blaine and Javi as friends and now colleagues? Only a lunatic would be compelled to bring an ex-partner and a current partner together in such a manner, right?  And even though he had fully supported Javi’s offer to give Blaine a helping hand into show business, neither Kurt nor Javi could have predicted or planned such an outcome.  

And then an offer for a part in a short-term play had simply fallen into Javi’s lap or so it would seem.  Acting had never once crossed his mind….but he loved a challenge; in fact, he’d loved everything about this play once he’d gotten over the initial doubts and second thoughts regarding his lack of experience.  And now?  The career path, his lifelong passion, the very thing he’d spent hours praying for on the beaches of the Quintana Roo sea might at the least be put on hold.  And his closely guarded private life might explode with media attention like he’d never known.  Especially if the play travelled outside the borders of the US and even more especially if it traveled to his beloved Mexico and all points south.  But those possibilities were far in the future…and were only possibilities.  He could always choose to say no…unless fate dictated otherwise.

And Kurt?  He was still marveling over the interesting comingling of his life with friends and neighbors he hadn’t even known just a year ago.  He’d hesitantly, but expectantly reached out to them, and with Adam’s help, they’d just as hesitantly responded.  After all, they would be connecting in a very intimate way by virtue of the subject matter of his teaching, again, something that had arrived so unexpectedly wrapped up in a whole stack of spiral-bound notebooks. Javi called it Kurt’s passion.  Teaching was something Kurt had to really work at, but his ability to draw others into conversations about their innermost thoughts without the appearance of prying, the skill he was developing in listening and hearing a person’s conversation beneath the conversation….he believed that was the key to any success he’d had.  And his book now had four solid chapters; something he was proud to associate his name with, even if he ended up having to use a pen name. 
 

Only a few months ago he was still vacillating about his next steps, his mind waffling, seemingly unable to pinpoint what it was he wanted out of life.  He’d chosen the performing arts as his main focus when he was back in Lima, his passion then, at least in his eyes, all dependent on his acceptance to NYADA.  And now? He was rearranging his life to accompany Javi to LA for six weeks putting him squarely on a path that would most certainly lead to some sort of relationship with Blaine and possibly his new boyfriend, Jeff.  Crazy!  Of course he could make any number of choices that would move him away from any of the above, and especially, a reunion with Blaine, but according to the wisdom of fate, his fate could not be changed, only postponed.  So did that mean that no matter what he did he was destined to meet up with Blaine somewhere along the line…or could he maybe put it off until the next life?  Maybe he should be reading that book instead of Javi.

Reinventing Your Sins (Reinventando Tus Pecados) had gained a loyal following in San Diego, starting out as simply a short-term community theatre production.  But then suddenly, the producer and director were getting calls and texts from other theatres in the near vicinity, something no one but the confident producer of the show could have predicted.  And it had certainly taken Javi by surprise.  And Bill.  At first Javi had been hesitant to follow the troupe out of San Diego…yet playing the part of Lust was intriguing and definitely a huge step outside of his comfort zone, but more than all of that he’d discovered he loved acting.  He’d fallen in love with the concept behind the play.  He’d taken the part based on the premise that it would remain local, not interfering with his concert schedule, and maybe more importantly, possibly opening up his private life to greater scrutiny. And then there was Kurt’s passion.  He didn’t want to interfere with his writing or his teaching, which was just getting off the ground.  His writing, as Kurt pointed out, he could do anywhere, but his teaching?  What about that?  

The first few venues were basically local, cities within easy driving distance of San Diego.  That had been at the “still testing the waters” phase.  Javi might be gone for a few days and then return for maybe a week.  It was always a little different, but manageable.  Sometimes Kurt could go with him and sometimes not; they were used to this balancing act.  But now….now the troupe was going to be in LA for at least six weeks.  

“Mi Kurtito, this isn’t fair!  Putting your life on hold like this? You’ve already been more accommodating than I should expect.  You need to tend your writing and teaching like it’s a plant or a tree.  You can’t water it just once in a while and expect it to thrive!  And you’ve just begun to plant your garden.  Those seven couples who’ve stuck with it need your constant attention.  I’m amazed at what you’ve done…that you’ve captured their curiosity so completely.  You know probably better than I do that everyone seems to want everything right now!  If what you have to say doesn’t come in 10-second sound bites it’s not worth listening to.  It’s just the nature of the world we live in.”

“LA is not exactly Australia or China, ya know.” Kurt replied.  “It’s only a couple hours’ drive.  You do it all the time!  And it’s even less by plane.  It’s not like this is something new that we need to work on.  Sure!  If the play really does travel further, we’ll have to deal with it.  Mi amor, you were upfront about your vagabond life from the beginning.  LA is a perfect test run.  And look at the advantages,” he said counting on his fingers, “it will be a great way for me to discover what it’s really like writing while on the road.  It’ll give me more time to come up with options for teaching in the future.  This won’t be the first time or the last that we’ll have to deal with this.  Javito, I’m not their parents. They don’t need my constant attention.  And since I quit working at the boutique, that’s no longer an issue, right?”

Yeah, I guess so, but….”  “Javi, do you really think I haven’t already come up with a plan for this?  Give me some credit here!  I’ll go with you to LA; I’ll come back here for the Tuesday and Wednesday night classes.  I’ll have just as much time to prepare for them there as I would here.  And who knows?  Maybe a trip outside of San Diego will give me some fresh ideas!” 

Kurt remembered thinking that solving that particular problem had been a walk in the park compared to another niggling issue.  Ironing out the first problem was merely a matter of logic as far as he was concerned.  The distance between LA and San Diego was simply connecting point A to point Z, inserting his classes, the prep time and his writing where they fit best, and hopefully, only having to make minor adjustments along the way. 

He didn’t like the fact that the second issue was bothering him at all.  Well, bothering wasn’t really the word for it.  But because it wasn’t logical there was no easy point A to point Z answer.  Dr. Mason, of course, had assured him that his being troubled by it was normal.  But as always, Kurt wanted a solution.  He wanted to find something that would make it go away…and as neatly and quickly as possible. 

Blaine had auditioned for and been accepted as part of the cast in the play, at least in LA.  He would be performing in a variety of roles as a singer and dancer.  Of course, he’d been thrilled to even have been given the opportunity to audition.  When Bill received the call requesting his assistance in filling some of the slots available, Blaine was on his short list.  “Blaine, this is crazy!  You’re telling me that you’d turn down this chance…..for any reason?  Have you lost your mind?  So, if I go to Javi and say something like, I want Blaine to audition for RYS (short for Reinventing Your Sins – that just took too much time to say!) but he doesn’t feel comfortable with it – you wouldn’t audition?   You’d really turn this down?”  “That’s what I’m saying, Bill.  If it weren’t for Javi, I wouldn’t even be sitting here in your office having this discussion, and there are just too many personal matters involved.  He has a leading role and he deserves the courtesy of knowing this.”  “Artists!  What ever made me think I could work with you people!”  To Bill, none of these things mattered.  To him, an audition was an audition and a part was a part, it was called show business, but he’d given in to Blaine’s request that Javi be made aware of it before he auditioned.  Javi had been very appreciative of Blaine’s concern.  But, he was pretty sure Blaine knew if there would be a problem it wouldn’t be with Javi; however, it might be with Kurt.

“So….in these multiple parts…..would he be playing one of those sexy boys surrounding you on your throne, King Javi?”   Javi could barely contain his urge to laugh.  His mind’s eye could visualize he and Kurt in one of their role-playing fantasies, this play having sparked their imaginations.  Characters like Xander…and Damian…and sometimes Kurt and Javi as Xander and Damian together….he made a conscious effort to refocus on their conversation.  Now was not the time to be sidetracked by visions of an impromptu play date.  
 

Then it occurred to him that perhaps Kurt’s concern wasn’t really about Blaine’s proximity to Javi as a character, but might really be Kurt’s attempt at buying time to muster a response.  “Kurt, Blaine is basically saying that he won’t audition if it interferes with our relationship, yours and mine.  Of course, he hasn’t said as much to me since the message came through Bill, but he didn’t have to do that.  He didn’t have to let anything come between him and those parts…and not only does he want them, I’m sure he needs them.”  Kurt was silent for a while.  “Yeah, I know…and it’s not really about him being in the play with you….I guess it’s that if I follow you to LA, this’ll be the first time I’ve seen him in almost a year.  I mean, I knew we’d probably meet up at some point with his moving to California…and I suppose I’ll never be completely prepared will I?”  Javi wrapped his arm around Kurt’s shoulder, drawing him closer.  “Mi bebe, I can’t in all honesty say that Blaine is worthy of your trust because I don’t really know what he was like before, except for what you’ve told me, but….he hasn’t dropped counseling, from what I’ve seen and heard his relationship with Jeff is solid…and yeah, it’ll probably be a little weird at first, but it’s not like we’re moving in with him.”

Kurt had to laugh at that.  Them living together….now wouldn’t that fit in so neatly with this seemingly fatalistic knitting project of the universe? He still remembered the day Javi had returned from LA and started quizzing him about “the dream.”  Was he still having it?  How often?  What were the details?  And finally Kurt had said, “Why are you bringing this up now?”  Javi had released a long sigh, and then had taken a deep breath, replying, “You know I had lunch with Blaine….and he was asking some questions about a dream he’s been having since you last saw him…and I was concerned.  You haven’t brought it up lately, but his description was very similar to yours.”  This didn’t surprise Kurt really, although he’d hoped that that anomaly in their relationship had not carried over into their current lives.  But?  So he told Javi that the dreams had diminished in frequency and he was no longer waking up in tears…and the reason he hadn’t said anything was because he had more important things concerning him in his life, and yes, he hadn’t wanted to worry Javi.  But that had been quite a while back.  Maybe Blaine wasn’t having it anymore, he thought, knowing he was only trying to convince himself.   He could see it now.  Blaine and Kurt comparing dream notes over breakfast while Javi and Jeff whispered in another room about their worries, fruitlessly trying to find ways to “help.”  That would be a worse nightmare than the actual dream itself!

“Javito, I don’t have a problem with Blaine being in the play with you…and maybe now is as good a time as any to reacquaint myself with him.  I mean, we’ve already basically invited him into our lives by virtue of his profession and the offer to help.  You’ve had lunch with him lots of times and you don’t seem to have a problem with that…so tell Bill to cool his jets.  Blaine has our? your?…well a blessing.”  Javi smiled, “I’m not sure Bill would ever get over it if I actually told him to cool his jets!”

Given the go-ahead by a still somewhat perplexed Bill, Blaine was satisfied that his being part of the play wouldn’t upset any apple carts. Surprising both Javi and Kurt, he’d invited them to the audition.  They both thought having either one of them there would make a stressful situation even more nerve-wracking, but he’d told Javi he’d like to have someone around who knew what the experience was like.  Jeff had offered to be there, but Jeff’s days were so chaotic and they were lucky if they had any time together at all.  And besides, he knew Jeff was just trying to be supportive.  He knew medicine, not show business.

Blaine searched through his contacts.  He could have texted but he figured it would be harder to say no if he heard Blaine’s voice.  After a few rings, he heard Javi saying, “Hey, Blaine!  What’s up?”  “Hey, Javi…um, I have my first audition day after tomorrow…” long pause…”oh, that’s great, what time?”  “Around 3 and I was wondering if you and Kurt could be there..” he pushed the words out in a single breath, afraid he’d lose his nerve, “I mean if you have the…time.”  Taken aback, Javi said, “As far as I know my calendar’s clear, but let me check for sure and I’ll text you, okay?” 
 

Since he and Jeff had arrived in LA, Javi had spent quite a few lunches and dinners in Blaine’s company.  Part of him warned that he should be more cautious while his naturally open heart had felt for Blaine.  Blaine didn’t have any friends yet.  When he wasn’t hitting the streets looking for work, he was establishing a household for he and Jeff or spending what little time Jeff had with him.  Javi was well aware that from the outside, their friendship seemed decidedly strange.  Here he was having meals with Kurt’s ex-boyfriend, helping him make his way in show business and for the most part actually enjoying it.  There was still that little voice that liked to remind him that initially his offer to help Blaine, if and when he ever arrived in LA, was a guise to keep his friends close and his enemies closer.  And he’d never really stopped listening to it; he  was still on alert.  Yet, it was obvious to him that Blaine was trying, aiming for growth…and since then he’d also found a new love in his life.  Still….

Javi had responded by telling Blaine that he’d be happy to be there for his audition, but his request to invite Kurt as well?  He knew Blaine wasn’t necessarily comfortable with asking Kurt himself, although he obviously wanted to.  He told Javi to present the idea to Kurt and he certainly understood if he said no.  “I’ll have him text you back, okay?” In Javi’s mind at least that way the message would come directly from Kurt…and Kurt was right!  He’d never be fully prepared for an initial encounter with Blaine, but having Javi there might make it a little less awkward.

Blaine had given up on hearing from Kurt.  The audition was only hours away….and nothing.  He had just finished lunch and was headed for the shower when his phone pinged.  “Hi Blaine.  If you really want me to be there I’m willing to show up.”  That was enough for Blaine.  Blaine hadn’t arrived in LA with the intention of making contact with Kurt.  Quite simply, LA was where the jobs were!  Sure, New York had its place in show business, but it also had long and very cold winters. He loved Jeff…and it was a more mature love than he and Kurt had had.  And besides, they still lived at a distance, him in LA, Kurt in San Diego.  He’d left New York with every intention of letting life take care of itself.  However, Kurt might or might not fit into his new life wasn’t up to him or so he believed.

And yet….he wanted him to be a part of the process with regard to this play.  If Javi had not had one of the lead roles, it wouldn’t have mattered.  But he did, and Blaine wanted Kurt to see with his own eyes that his place in this play had nothing to do with Javi.  Yes, he considered Javi a friend and even a colleague, but that was the extent of his interest in Javi.  He didn’t want him to think that he might be using Javi as a way to insinuate himself into Kurt’s life.  Even though it had been almost three years, and both of them had moved on, the twists and turns that had brought Javi into his life sometimes felt almost too convenient.  And now that he knew Kurt was going to be in LA for a good majority of however long the play remained there, he wanted to extend a final olive branch.  He knew Kurt had forgiven him, so maybe olive branch wasn’t the right term, but he wanted to make sure that any qualms he may have about Blaine’s motives would finally be put to rest.

As Javi and Kurt sat in the cool darkness of the playhouse waiting for Blaine to appear onstage, Javi leaned over and whispered in Kurt’s ear, “Thanks for doing this, mi amor.”  Kurt glanced over at him with a quizzical look on his face.  Why was Javi thanking him? Javi smiled, “I’ve felt kind of strange about me having this relationship with Blaine.  I know we’ve talked about it.  The fact that he has actually become a friend and all, but I didn’t want you to feel left out, or….well, you know.  I really don’t know how to say this, so just thanks.”  Kurt reached for Javi’s hand, “Javito, it’s time….it’s just…time.  If Blaine is going to be in your life, then I want to be there, too.  Sure, sometimes this all seems like the plot of a soap opera, but life has a way of surprising us, doesn’t it?  It surprised me with you!  It surprised me with my passion for writing!  It surprised me with what is turning out to be the biggest surprise of all, the topic of the book, the teaching?…and all the fun we have living it!  Why should any of this come as a surprise?”  He squeezed his hand and kissed him warmly on the cheek.  

Kurt had known since last Thanksgiving that Javi’s offer to help Blaine wasn’t totally altruistic.  Javi was not only intelligent, he was a savvy businessman.  They’d never discussed it, mainly because Kurt was fully aware that Javi didn’t want him to think he might have an ulterior motive.  He smiled to himself in the darkness, Blaine was very talented it was true and a great addition to Bill’s management, but trust was earned in Javi’s book….Javi was still watching his enemy closely, even as he was slowly growing an unlikely friendship.

Since Blaine might have multiple parts, some dancing, some singing, he had come prepared to audition for both.  Kurt didn’t know what he’d expected upon first seeing Blaine again, but for whatever reason he felt more at ease just watching him.  He was more poised.  He seemed more confident and it was obvious that he’d had lots of practice since the last time Kurt had seen him perform.  Among other things he did on their arrival to LA, he’d started taking acting and singing lessons.  What he did for a living was like any other job in this respect.  You never stopped learning and growing if you wanted to remain on top of the game.  Dancing had been one of his major talents; he was much better at it than Kurt was.  And they’d both excelled at singing.  His mind took him back to a few of the many duets they’d sung together.  If Blaine was nervous at all, he’d certainly mastered the ability to hide it.  In the end, Kurt was glad he’d come along.  

Bill’s text came through just as they were leaving the theatre, “we need to iron out future plans.  Tonight at Casa Vega? 7ish?”  This wasn’t unexpected.  Bill had mentioned it earlier and Javi had told Kurt he might want to make his own dinner plans.  He’d had a concert tour planned before the play came up, and he hated disappointing his fans by cancelling any of the dates.  On the other hand, he knew he couldn’t do both.  He was prepared to compromise and reschedule some of the events in a more centralized location, cancelling or possibly postponing some of his stops in smaller venues.  He wanted and needed some wiggle room.  He had no clue what might happen after LA, but he did know that if he chose to stay with the play, travel outside California was a certainty.  

At first, Kurt had planned to hang around the apartment, hoping to fill a few hours with the thoughts he’d jotted down during the day.  Sometimes he would actually send himself texts, but whatever mode he used to keep his ideas in order, he always tried to add them to his well-organized Word documents on his laptop each day.  That way he could easily reference them the next time he actually sat down and did some writing.  But then he’d changed his mind and texted Blaine before his mind could stop his fingers, “Have plans for dinner?”  The return text read, “No how about Jackson Deli?  About six blocks from our place.”  That was easy enough.  It hadn’t taken him long to figure out how to get around LA, at least when it came to what was pertinent to their current living situation.  He told him he’d meet him there and got a thumbs up in return.

He figured as long as he was reacquainting himself with his ex, he might as well jump in both feet first.  The bell tinkled as Kurt opened the door to the delicious smells of cheese, sliced meats, pickles and desserts.  Suddenly, he was ravenous realizing he hadn’t eaten since breakfast.  His stomach had been a little queasy and he’d eaten just enough to give him a morning boost.  His anticipation about meeting Blaine again had been unwarranted, but you couldn’t have told his stomach that.   

Blaine waved at him from an alcove table surrounded by windows.  The restaurant wasn’t overly busy, but he knew that table had been chosen for its privacy.  Just like Kurt, Blaine had no idea where their conversation might lead them; better to be safe for this initial meeting.  

“Wow, this place smells heavenly!”  Kurt said enthusiastically and he meant it.  He suddenly realized he hadn’t been in an authentic deli since he’d lived in New York.  Well, this was getting off to a good start, Blaine thought.  After Kurt was seated, Blaine filled him in on their specialties, ordering a Reuben for himself with a side of potato salad.  Kurt ordered something called The Gobbler minus the jalapenos; try as he might he still couldn’t get used to one of Javi’s favorite snacks.

Blaine had sworn he wasn’t going to ask Kurt this question, but he couldn’t seem to help himself.  He respected Kurt’s opinion and he knew that unless he’d changed drastically, he wouldn’t sugarcoat it.  He chuckled to himself.  If there was one thing Kurt was full of it was opinions.  “So…what did you think of the audition?”  “Blaine, you’ve really, really come into your own as an actor.  I know it’s been quite a while since I saw you perform, but I was amazed, honest!  You seem so…..well, much more confident.  And I find it hard to believe that your dancing has improved, but it has.  If I could offer any criticism at all it might be to ask if you’re sure you’re not taking on too much with six different roles?  I mean, I know they’re not large parts….but….” Kurt pulled himself up short, “Blaine, just tell me to shut up will ya?  You don’t need me to tell you what you’re capable of.”  He shook his head.  If there was one trait that Kurt had that might have contributed to the erosion of their past relationship, it was Kurt’s know-it-all attitude..and his sometime habit of smothering..and he was still working on it!  Blaine tried, unsuccessfully, to hide his smile, and Kurt quickly turned the conversation to what should be a relatively safe subject, Jeff.  He was curious and there was really no reason they shouldn’t be able to converse about Blaine’s boyfriend.
 

Blaine reached for his phone to show him a picture.  A tall man in blue scrubs with a big, infectious smile and a beard.  Kurt peeked at Blaine, noting the same sort of smile on his face when he looked at Jeff’s picture.  He knew that look like he knew his own heart.  Blaine was clearly in love…and he was truly happy for him, yet his heart skipped a single beat.  Honestly, that hadn’t been completely unexpected.  After all the counseling he’d been through, he was honest enough with himself to know that he would always have feelings of some sort for this man.  Maybe not the same feelings every time, but something….there would always be something.  They talked a little bit about old friends in New York, purposefully leaving out any discussion about Barry or Adam.  Kurt already knew that Barry had also moved to California, and like Blaine he had no desire to renew any relationship with him.  If yet another tendril would reach out to encompass Adam in this unlikely foursome remained to be seen.  

Surprised at how well this was going, Kurt turned over a topic in his mind, one that he was being cautious about.  Originally, he hadn’t even wanted to think about it, much less talk about it, especially with Blaine, but….this was going so well and other than Javi, Blaine was the only other logical person to discuss it with.  He didn’t know what he was looking for exactly, insight, commiseration?  He didn’t know, but he decided to broach the subject.

“Blaine, can I ask you something?”  Blaine looked up and nodded before swallowing, “Sure.  I may not have an answer but you can ask.”  This had been sort of a running joke between them ever since the beginning, but it seemed as if Blaine hadn’t even realized what he’d said and the memories it evoked.  

“Um, are you still having that dream that you told Javi about a while back?  You don’t have to tell me if….”  Blaine sighed, clearly relieved.  “I was sorta hoping you’d bring that up….because, yeah….sometimes I’ll go a month or so and never have it and sometimes….well, it’s not as intense as it used to be but…did Javi tell you some of the details of my dream?”  “Yeah….yeah, he did….and mine is…..similar.  It’s not like this hasn’t happened to us before, I know…did Javi tell you who the other guy is?”  “No, he never mentioned it…you know who it is?”  Blaine didn’t know if he liked finding this puzzle piece or not.  “Well, in my dream, it’s Tonio….his partner…not just in Mateo…and maybe it’s somebody else in your…”  “Yeah, I knew they were more than that.”  

“Javi said you’ve been having them off and on since we were in Lima last Thanksgiving.  And before you ask….no, I have no idea what they might mean.  I know you’re seeing a counselor, but if he’s anything like mine, he’s not offering up any thoughts of his own.  And all I can tell you about Tonio is that he’s very protective…or was….he was very protective.  And in my dream he seems to be trying to protect me? Javi? both of us?  And all the broken glass…that’s in your dream, too, isn’t it?”  “Yeah, but it’s colored glass if that means anything.  And apparently if it’s Tonio in my dream?….he’s trying to protect whomever from me….Kurt, I hope you know by now that I would never hurt you….again….or jeopardize your relationship….well, and my relationship, too…with Jeff and Javi.”  

All Kurt could hear was the sound of Tonio’s voice barking, “Everything changed!” He’d reached a point where he wondered if that really meant anything; after all everything was always changing, wasn’t it?  “Did Tonio….or the person in your dream….say anything?”  Blaine shook his head, “No, I couldn’t even see his face.  But he was angry…..almost explosive! But ya know just because we’ve been through this dream thing before doesn’t mean it has to mean something.”  Kurt looked at him from under his eyelashes, disbelief in his currently green eyes, “Blaine, they’ve always meant….something.  Maybe we couldn’t see it until after the fact but you know as well as I do….”  Blaine didn’t want to admit it, but Kurt wasn’t lying…and he also knew that analyzing them rarely helped anyone.  Whatever the dreams were meant to portray, they were like a runaway train that couldn’t be stopped until whatever they signified happened. 

“Um….how do you feel when you have your dream,” Kurt asked, looking at the table.  What he really wanted to know is if Blaine ever woke up in tears.  Only Javi knew about Kurt’s tears.  Blaine concentrated, closing his eyes, “Confused? I guess…..like…..sort of like I’m in someone else’s dream?  Does that make sense?”  As if dreams were supposed to make sense.  “A few times I woke up startled…or like I didn’t know where I was….I was so glad Jeff….” Now Blaine was the one concentrating on the table.  “Blaine, it’s okay….I’m glad he was, too, just like I was glad that Javi was there for me.”  

“Kurt… you know as well as I do that trying to figure them out never did a bit of good.  I know it’s tempting to try but I’ve been tempted enough by this dream, haven’t you?”  Kurt couldn’t deny the truth in that.  And it was starting to feel like they were talking in circles anyway.  The check had been laying on the table for quite some time and it was beginning to get dark.  As they walked outside and into the night, Blaine invited Kurt back to his apartment for a drink and maybe some advice on decorating.  Blaine didn’t appear to be making up an excuse to prolong the evening and Kurt was actually having a good time.    After thinking about it, he decided to go with his original jumping in with both feet first idea.  What harm could it do?  He had always been the decorator.  If it was left to Blaine the walls would remain whatever joyless color the apartment came with and pictures may or may not get hung before the next move.  Although Kurt had to admit, it did make the place easier to clean.

As they entered the large first-floor apartment, he caught the scent of maybe….Valentino V?  He was still surprised by how much of the fashion world continued to live inside him.  It must be Jeff’s; Blaine had on Helmut Lang.  “Are you sure Jeff would be okay with this?”  Kurt asked.  Why hadn’t that occurred to him before now?  “Don’t worry, he knew I was meeting you and honestly he’d probably be happy to know I had company for a change.  And besides, he really wants to meet you, believe it or not.”  He laughed.

It was a typical apartment complex apartment.  Their plan had been to live as close to where Jeff worked as possible.  His schedule was sometimes structured and sometimes not, so spending as little time as possible in traffic was a must.  As they wandered from one bland room to another, Kurt would suggest a possible color scheme and maybe some prints.  He did feel a little strange walking around their bedroom, but it was pretty much as lifeless as the rest of the place.  Lifeless, as in blah, completely uninteresting, but it certainly looked lived in.  It would appear that Jeff wasn’t much tidier than Blaine was.  When Kurt asked about Jeff’s tastes, Blaine snickered.  He said at this point, all Jeff really had time for was looking in the fridge for something to eat and a bed to sleep in, he probably wasn’t even concerned if it had sheets and pillowcases.  

“Oh, this is nice.  I guess they call these bonus rooms these days, don’t they?”  “Not really big enough to be much of a bonus, but having a spare spare bedroom is helpful.  Jeff uses it mostly.  Sometimes he works double shifts and has maybe a couple, three, hours in between, so he comes home and crashes in here.  He’s always afraid he’s going to wake me up.  I think it would be more like I’d keep him awake since we have so little time together right now, but at the moment he needs sleep more than he needs company.  That’ll change once he has some seniority, but right now he’s the newest hire.”
 

Blaine flipped on the light switch in the third bedroom, Kurt, again, taking notice of the walls first. Maybe something like celery for the walls?  The carpeting was all the same no-name color.  A painting or a large vase of some sort to give the room a focal point?  As he slowly moved his eyes from the walls to the sparse furnishings, he had to hold back a gasp.  He was surrounded by bland white walls, a single bed, a plain dresser and a lamp on the bedside table.  “What do you use this room for?”  SMH!  Now there was a stupid question!  Obviously, they used it as a guest room.   But Blaine didn’t seem to notice.  “It’s just a guest room.  We haven’t had any guests yet, but Jeff’s sister is talking about visiting next month. Guess I should start with decorating this room, huh?”

There was a small collage of framed photos on the north wall, but other than that the only decorative thing in the whole room was a group photo of the Glee Club from the year Blaine had graduated….sitting on the bedside table, encased in…..Kurt closed his eyes……a glass frame.

As Javi unlocked the door he heard the sound of a jazz clarinet, but the apartment was shadowed in varying layers of darkness.  He dropped his satchel on a kitchen chair and using what little light there was, checked the living room.  Kurt was stretched out on the floor, appearing to be totally lost in thought, so much so that he hadn’t really heard Javi come in.  “Kurt?”  Javi ventured.  He slowly opened his kaleidoscope eyes, giving Javi a weak smile.  But he could see the confusion and sadness lingering there and his eyes were watery with tears.  “What is it, Kurtito?  What’s wrong?”  Javi said as he slid to the floor.  “I found it, Javio, I found….it.” Kurt barely whispered.  Javi laid down beside his lover, embracing him in the security of his arms. He rarely called him Javio; that was even more personal than Javito or mi amor.  “What did you find?  Talk to me…”  The room…the place….” Kurt cleared his throat taking a deep breath, “It’s at Blaine’s, the room where the dream takes place….”  “What? And?”  Javi said hesitantly.  What could be so upsetting about finding the room?  What was in it?  Obviously, not Tonio, but what?  “I still have no idea what this means, but…..there’s a group picture of the entire Glee Club the year Blaine graduated high school, a year behind me….and it’s in a glass frame.  Remember the part in the dream where there’s what looks like a shattered picture frame on the floor?  The room looks exactly the same.  Well, the room itself….I don’t know why, but it scares me. It felt like stepping into….a vacuum?  Like I couldn’t breathe.”

“What did Blaine say?”  “I didn’t tell him….I….we…talked about the dream over dinner and pretty much came to the conclusions we always have.  We can’t do anything about it.  But….he hasn’t even noticed…he’s lived there for months….why isn’t he recognizing it, too?  He invited me up to their apartment and I figured why not and he wanted some advice on decorating and…”  Kurt had to take another breath to stop himself from babbling…”and there it was….just like in the damn dream….”  Conversation was pointless, it wasn’t what Kurt needed right now.  Javi held him tighter, soothing him as best he could.

Blaine decided to wait up for Jeff, not just because he hadn’t seen him in a couple days, but because he wanted to mull over what had happened with Kurt…or maybe it was what hadn’t happened.  They’d had a pleasant enough conversation, despite the discussion about that stupid dream.  So what if they still had that connection?  He’d come to the conclusion even before that that even though the dreams always did mean something, they’d never meant anything dangerous or earth-shattering.  If he remembered correctly most of them concerned feelings they weren’t expressing or were hiding from themselves.  But Kurt had looked like he’d seen not just a ghost but a whole host of ghosts when he’d walked into that room.

He knew better than to try to pry out of him what he was trying to hide.  As soon as he saw those crystalline eyes almost collapse into themselves?  Whatever it was, he wouldn’t be hearing about it tonight.  And the way he’d gingerly picked up the photo of the Glee Club?  He’d go look at it later; his first thought was that Finn might be in the picture, but then he remembered he was already gone, not just from McKinley but permanently….gone.  So, seeing Finn in it wasn’t the answer to Kurt’s strange reaction.  He rubbed his tired eyes and got up to check the tuna casserole.  By default, he’d become the cook of the house and fortunately most of what Jeff liked to eat was comfort foods that were easy to make.  Throw in a salad or some veggies and a glass of milk and you had a reasonably healthy meal.

Jeff had taken the night off to be there for the premiere.  He was so proud of Blaine!  Yes, he’d certainly had a significant hand up from Javi, but he’d been willing to take any part no matter what just for the experience, even if he hated the character.  And he’d finally met Kurt.  Blaine had made it a point to introduce them.  He knew Blaine had been so intentional because he wanted Jeff to be at ease with him.  Yet, he certainly hadn’t expected for Kurt to ask if he wanted to sit with him!  He’d hurriedly explained that he was alone and Jeff was alone….why not sit together?  And he was right, why not?  

Of necessity, Jeff had had to be job-focused ever since he’d hit the ground running in LA.  He just hadn’t had a lot of time to delve into his feelings about Blaine and Javi’s relationship.  From the outside, it seemed like a good thing, but of course he’d had little time to spend with him.  He barely had time to spend with Blaine.  He’d come to California with the attitude that if they could make it through this first year of chaos that their relationship could end up as nothing but stronger for it. 

Jeff wasn’t prone to being superstitious, but he’d once jokingly referred to he and Blaine as a two-leaf clover.  Blaine had never heard of such a thing, but he guessed a clover could have any number of leaves really.  Jeff’s mother, Irene, was Irish and she’d shared the symbolism of the clover many times with Jeff and his siblings. Supposedly, the finder of a two-leaf clover was going to find their future spouse soon, and even though the subject of marriage hadn’t ever been seriously discussed, they were living together, just one step away from marriage, and they were committed to making it work.  Then when Javi had made good on his promise of assistance, he’d started calling their little triplet a three-leaf clover.  Presumably, the three leaves stood for faith, hope and love.  Jeff laughed and said, “Okay, this may be stretching it a little bit, but you and I love each other, we came out here on faith and Javi provided the hope for your career that he’d promised!  I like it!”  Blaine shook his head, but smiled at the idea…he liked it, too.  

And now, he was calling them a four-leaf clover.  “Okay,” Blaine said with one hand on his hip, “I can’t wait to hear this one.”  “Well, first of all from his pictures it’s obvious that Kurt comes from good Irish stock, not black Irish like me, but close enough, right?  And the Celts carried four-leaf clovers with them because they believed they provided protection from evil with some luck thrown in for good measure.”  Blaine started laughing, “You are ridiculously optimistic!  I don’t think I know a single person who would call the arrival of an ex in their lives as lucky and a symbol of protection from evil.  In fact, most would say you needed a four-leaf clover to protect yourself from the evil ex!”  Blaine plopped down on the couch next to Jeff saying, “You’re so good for me, really really good for me, J.”  Jeff’s eyes softened as he laced his arms around Blaine’s neck and murmured, “Show me, Blaine….show me just how good I am for you…it sounds like I deserve a reward…” 

Despite Blaine’s cautious skepticism, sometimes Jeff had to laugh at the insane way life seemed to have tied them into Jeff’s whimsical idea of an optimistic four-leaf clover.  But that didn’t mean he didn’t have his guard up.  He may be optimistic, but he wasn’t stupid.  No matter what old folk tales said, this strange alliance could go any number of ways in the real world.

As Blaine watched from backstage, soaking up the atmosphere, the colorful costumes and the sheer sexuality of the play itself, not to mention the applause, sitting right beside the excitement inside was a measure of contentment.   Blaine was starting to feel at home in LA.  He’d wondered many times what it would be like if and when he and Kurt met again, here.  After the initial awkwardness, they had fallen into a sort of shaky camaraderie.  Not exactly friends, but not enemies either. And somehow bringing him into what Jeff referred to as their “four-leaf clover” relationship had closed a gap, brought something full circle.  Whatever that something was, it was beyond his ability to describe.  All he really knew was that he was starting to feel settled in their new life, his and Jeff’s. All set against the backdrop of a song called Everything Changed. And it always did, didn’t it?

Everything changed when I saw you

From black and white to color I changed 

And it was so easy

Loving you so

Something I never imagined [doing]

Was giving you my love

With one look 

Everything quivered

Inside of me

It was written by the universe that you’d belong to me 

And it was so easy

Loving you so

Something I never imagined [doing]

Was losing myself in your love

It just happened

And now I am all yours 

Before I spend any more

Time at your side, love

I must say that you’re the love of my life

Before I love you any more

Please listen

Let me say that I’ve given you everything

It’s difficult to explain

But it’s even harder to take notice

It just struck me that way

When I saw you I was surprised

By everything about you

From black and white to color

I changed 

I know it’s not easy

Saying I love you

Nor did I expect it to be

But that’s the way love goes

It just happened

And now I am all yours

 Before I spend anymore

Time with you

I must say that you’re the love of my life

Before I love you any more

Please listen

Let me say that I’ve given you everything

And it’s difficult to explain

But it’s even harder to take notice

It just struck me that way

When I saw you

 Everything changed

When I saw you