CHAPTER 9 SEPARATE LIVES

“So, do you think it’s helping?” Kurt asked as he watched Blaine read over his latest entry in a spiral-bound notebook. Blaine nodded acknowledging the question, but remaining mentally focused on what he was writing. Later, he would transfer the entry to his laptop. The notebook was there mostly for the office visits. It was actually quicker than bringing the document up on his phone.

A small stack of handouts and a list of websites recommended by Dr. Milton lay on his cluttered desk. Kurt had organized them into a neat pile and paper-clipped the pages together. The twice weekly appointments seemed to be working in his favor. However, the latest assignment had him puzzled.

During the third appointment Dr. Milton had zeroed in on the fact that Blaine thought his father’s absence had left a void. Blaine explained that he didn’t really understand why, citing his dad’s almost constant absence from his life when he still lived with them. He told the doctor that he didn’t think he was experiencing stress over it exactly, but couldn’t explain what he was feeling.

He shared all of his handwritten thoughts with Kurt, not because he thought he had all the answers, but mostly because another perspective was always helpful. “Who are Mr. Habib and Mr. Willoughby?” Kurt queried, as he leaned over the notebook reading Blaine’s somewhat cramped handwriting. “Mr. Habib was our next-door neighbor in Appleton and Mr. Willoughby was one of my teachers in Des Moines.” “And?” Kurt said obviously wondering about their importance. “Well, I just miss them sometimes, ya know? They didn’t treat me like a child, although I was,” Blaine laughed. “They just always seemed to have time for me and they didn’t tell me what to do all the time. They listened like I really had something important to say.” Kurt nodded slowly, “Like my dad?” “Well, yeah, now that you mention it, just like your dad!” Kurt didn’t say anything; he realized this was one of those things that Blaine would have to see for himself. “So, what about women?” “What about women?” Blaine looked rather cluelessly at Kurt. “Did you ever have any relationships like that with women?”

Blaine thought for a minute, then said, “Hmmm….no…..I mean I may be gay but women are just as much a mystery to me as they are to most guys, and besides mom was always around. Not that she really seemed to care about me much, but sometimes she…”

He could almost feel the lightbulb flicker and then come to life in his mind. Taking himself down this path it didn’t take a genius to see that he’d been seeking a father figure, someone to replace the almost always absent in every way Mr. Anderson. And he’d found them! Mr. Habib next door, Mr. Willoughby at school and more, scattered in city after city of Blaine’s past.

He had Burt though, didn’t he? Like Kurt he felt like he could discuss almost anything with him. Almost anything…..and maybe that was the difference. Burt was his boyfriend’s father. He wasn’t outside their situation. If Mr. Habib or Mr. Willoughby lived in Lima he could confide in them as objective outsiders or so he believed. Would either of them have taken this particular issue to Blaine’s parents, even knowing the lack of relationship he had with them? A teenager having sex was a big deal to parents for any number of reasons…but he didn’t have the answer as to what his past mentors and friends might have done and it didn’t matter. He realized he could never confide in Burt the way he had in others.

So, his own dad was gone pretty much permanently. Burt was an option for some things but not others. No wonder he felt a void! He hadn’t found that man in Lima to fill the roles of father and friend. And here he’d thought that his dad’s leaving and his feelings surrounding it would simply fade away eventually. And they had lessened, but was it because he was talking to Dr. Milton? Someone outside of the situation….and a man? It made sense and Blaine sort of felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. But then, what would happen when Dr. Milton wasn’t part of his life anymore? Did he need to find someone else to fill that role in his life? Or would just acknowledging that the potential need still existed be enough? Maybe it wasn’t a subconscious necessity anymore. No matter the conclusion he’d come to in time, this felt like a major breakthrough!

In the beginning, Kurt had been going with Blaine simply as a form of moral support. Dr. Milton had okayed his presence stating he wished all of his clients had someone as caring as Kurt. Someone who would take time out of their own busy schedules to accompany them to the soul-baring experience that therapy could be. In his opinion, they were in this together. Blaine insisted that he wanted him there, so it appeared to Kurt that he wasn’t intruding on his personal space and privacy. He wanted Blaine to know he was there for more than just hand-holding.

“Yeah! I think so,” he answered Kurt’s original question. “I mean some of this stuff never even occurred to me and it’s been good to throw out the things it isn’t and focus on what it might be.” His smile, even more than his words, indicated that he was pleased with his progress. Kurt smiled in return pulling him closer sneaking a tender kiss.

Lying on the bed, his head propped against a pillow, his crystalline eyes surveyed the room. It captured so much of Blaine’s personality….the playbills from some of his favorite stage performances, photos of the Warblers at various competitions, a few of his friends from Appleton and other cities he’d called home for a while, even a few football team pennants. Kurt hid a grin, every time they spent time here he had the urge to put his own meticulous housekeeping skills to work. Clothes hanging carelessly on furniture, his desk a small tornado of loose papers, books, paper clips and pens scattered across its surface. But he didn’t want to risk possibly embarrassing Blaine and besides, he was here to spend every second possible with Blaine, not play at Merry Maids.

The bedroom door was wide open at his mother’s insistence. Barb had been not so subtly hounding Blaine about an introduction to Kurt. “Blaine, if Kurt was a girl, I’d have met her months ago! You’re practically best friends with his parents,” obvious emphasis on the word his. And try as he might Blaine couldn’t find fault with that logic. So, he’d approached Kurt with the dinner invitation his mom had offered, feeling bashful and uncomfortable voicing the handful of words it took. And Kurt had enthusiastically accepted appearing not to notice his boyfriend’s hesitancy.

Kurt had arrived at the front door with a bouquet of colorful flowers, noting the puzzled look from Blaine. “They’re not for you; they’re for your mom,” he whispered as both of them attempted to hold in their laughter at Blaine’s assumption. The initial awkwardness didn’t last long. Thankfully, his mom hadn’t gone overboard with the menu, preparing a simple meal of spaghetti accompanied by a salad and warm bread slices. To Blaine’s surprise, Kurt conveyed an interest in his mom, trying to make her feel comfortable. Blaine recognized Burt’s technique immediately! How had he missed this in his many conversations with Kurt?

“Geez, Kurt, I didn’t realize you were such a sweet talker!” Blaine had later declared. Kurt gave him a wounded look. “I wasn’t sweet talking her,” His fingers forming air quotes. Blaine snorted, “Oh yeah? Well then what was all that Mrs. Anderson that sounds interesting, tell me more stuff? And I think it really is safe to call her Barb like she said after your performance tonight!” Blaine was totally taken by surprise when he saw Kurt’s eyes flash and snap. He’d never seen Kurt angry….well, not at him at least. “Blaine, be grateful that you still have a mom. She may not have been Mother of the Year most of the time, but she’s trying now! Don’t take that for granted…” The silence was deafening.

Watching Kurt turn his head in an attempt to hide the tears, Blaine focused intently on his lap. What an insensitive idiot! When he finally heard Kurt clear his throat, he glanced up at that face he loved so intensely and gathered Kurt into his arms, holding him tight softly murmuring, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Kurt.”

Barb had to laugh at herself, was there another person in the world so anxious to make a trip to Appleton, Wisconsin? Home of the Wisconsin Timber Rattlers and not much else? It was basically a larger replica of Lima, small city, long winters, their one claim to fame being Harry Houdini’s insistence that it was his birthplace. It wasn’t, but what was one tiny white lie if it promoted a bit of tourism?

Despite what seemed like a lifetime of prayers imploring whomever to “fix” her marriage, the supposed answer of Laine’s departure had left her with a boatload of conflicting feelings. She was happy with the therapist she’d chosen. With a guarantee of confidentially, why was she still so hesitant to reveal the two secrets that most likely were the root of her uncertainty? Part of it was the simple fact that she’d never told anyone….ever. But how could handing them to a trained professional result in anything but good?

In some ways, Laine’s absence made her feel freer…and it scared her! Why? Because on the other hand, the weight of the dual secrets she carried seemed heavier. Her newfound freedom begged her to just drop that weight and surrender.

The secrets she kept….would it now be safe to share them or at least one of them with someone else? Yes! her mind screamed, in the proper setting, within the secure walls of Dr. Hussey’s office.

What good could possibly be accomplished in sharing either of them with a longtime friend? She could almost feel the comfort surrounding her and Teresa as they shared a table on the outside patio at Rosie’s Place. There they were huddled over seafood salads or maybe just coffee that rivaled Starbuck’s any day. There was no more a trust issue with her friend than there was with her counselor, but….

Maybe you should rephrase that question, Barb, her matter-of-fact mind said trying to hand her the answer. Is there ANY good that could be accomplished in sharing them with your friend? In the long term? That cozy vision of unburdening herself at Rosie’s would provide short-term relief…and then most likely would be replaced with guilt and fear.

Simultaneously she could see Laine’s angry face, his voice raised several decibels above normal, accusing…and his accusations would have merit. Breaking her promise of silence about his sexual orientation would put Blaine’s future in jeopardy and in ways even she couldn’t foresee.

Or was the secret of Blaine’s parentage any safer in Teresa’s hands? It would feel so good to finally let go of it, to share it with the one person she knew who would be understanding and sympathetic to all the convoluted reasoning that had led her to make that decision. But the relief of that momentary purging wouldn’t last and again the weight she carried now might return settling even heavier on her shoulders.

She tried to shove the unnerving thoughts to the back of her mind. Rubbing her temples, she reached for the bottle of extra-strength acetaminophen and made sure her prescription medication was where she always kept it on the nightstand. Making every attempt to ward off another migraine, she turned off the bedside lamp and settled into the pillows. Pulling the comforter up, she sighed.

At the very least, a visit with Teresa would lift her spirits and she desperately needed that. Her feelings were really nothing like she’d expected when Laine left. They were even more confusing than ever.

So deep in thought, Laine startled a bit, realizing he’d been staring at that same print on the wall for at least ten minutes. He’d just returned from a trip to New York. Under “normal,” whatever normal was, circumstances he would be feeling refreshed and happy. Sure, he’d had to work, but there was almost always plenty of time for play. It was his first trip to New York since he and Barb had separated. He had been looking forward to it with great anticipation. No more feeling guilty for who he was and what he did while away! He was on his own now, free of all the baggage he’d been carrying around for years. And he planned to cancel his next bimonthly appointments with Dr. Lanter when he got home. Another thing he was looking forward to! No more therapy. His problems were solved in his mind….well, weren’t they? Blaine and Barb were even more of a peripheral issue than ever. No coming home tense as a bowstring, unable to wait until the next time he could leave. Just looking at their faces when he returned filled him with guilt and self-loathing – no more of that!

Or so he thought. But now here he was feeling frightened, empty, anxious? This was stupid. It was crazy! He’d planned to call Dr. Lanter’s office on Monday, hardly able to contain what he anticipated would be relief as soon as he finished the call. But instead, here he sat on Thursday, and the call had yet to be made. He was almost as sick of therapy as he’d been of his sham of a marriage! And yet, he knew he still needed help. Would it ever end? If he wasn’t bisexual, if he was heterosexual would he have had to endure discussing all these mixed up feelings? If the world was a more accepting place would it have made a difference? Frustrated, he sat up in his chair. Good God! The whole damn family was in therapy! Well, maybe not Blaine, he didn’t know. Barb had told him she’d suggested it to him, but he hadn’t actually spoken to Blaine since the day he left. His phone lay on the corner of his desk, mocking him, daring him to make that call. He reached for it one more time, his hand stopping midway, his phone winning the dare.

Kurt and Blaine were laying on Blaine’s bed, fingers laced together, snickering quietly every time they stole a quick kiss. His mom rarely came upstairs, but since she’d insisted that his bedroom door remain open when Kurt was there, they didn’t want to risk the embarrassment of being seen doing anything more than holding hands. The mere thought of Barb seeing them kissing was as good a reason as any to keep their displays of affection to a minimum…and that thought certainly went a long way towards creating the appropriate turn-off if ever there was one!

“So have you come up with any ideas?” Blaine smiled at Kurt as he asked the question. Blaine didn’t have to elaborate on what the “ideas” were that he was referring to. Their minds were like a constant touchstone for the memories of that night on the porch. Their hands seemingly detached from rational thought as they explored, south of the border (using Kurt’s euphemism) skin on skin, for the first time.

Every conversation seemed to lead to the subject of that final step, or at least the final step in their teenaged minds. It wasn’t that they weren’t aware of the endless possibilities yet uninvestigated, but they were both tired of waiting, holding back.

Kurt knew without a doubt that he wanted the first time to be with Blaine. Not that he thought that anything would change their idea of a permanent future together. Somehow they would beat the odds and not become another sad statistic of first love. He was sure that taking this step would only lead to a lifetime of similar scenarios, all as good or better than the first. He knew he was more than just a hopeless romantic and he knew that sometimes that part of him completely overrode his commonsense, but he didn’t care about that right now. What he cared about was figuring out a time and place for this most intimate rendezvous.

He and Blaine were both trying on or discarding imagined scenes on a variety of stages…and neither wanted to lie to Burt or Barb, but how? Where? When? To be honest, Kurt would have had no trouble telling Burt that they’d made this decision….and Burt would probably be expecting it. But if his dad literally knew, even if not the how, where and when, every time Kurt came home from being with Blaine he’d be wondering if that was the night. And although he had no problem with telling his dad what they were planning, he didn’t want to have that foreknowledge between them. And there was no way he was going to come home to those constantly questioning eyes, wanting to know, but not wanting to ask.

“Not really…not yet. You?” Kurt replied glancing over at Blaine’s hopeful face. Blaine was still working on it, too. When his mom had announced that she was going to Appleton to visit Teresa he was sure they’d found the perfect opportunity; that is, until his mom insisted that he stay with someone while she was gone. Blaine had suggested any number of friends he could stay with, even Kurt, but his mom just smiled at him like he might have lost his mind.

“Blaine, I don’t know any of their parents and even though I do trust Burt and Carole that’s just asking for trouble. It’s not that I don’t trust you, but if something were to happen on their watch they’d feel terrible forever.” Blaine almost laughed when Barb had brought out that old parental chestnut, “it’s not that I don’t trust you.” Then why couldn’t he stay there alone for four days? He sighed inwardly, and besides, considering what he had hoped to accomplish while she was gone it was true, she shouldn’t trust him. That “something” his mom was referring to may have had many meanings, but they both knew it really meant only one thing in the context of this conversation.

So, what had been her brilliant idea in all of this? She wanted him to stay with his dad! She trusted him? What did she think that would accomplish? Unless his dad had been possessed by a new and improved Laine Anderson Blaine knew it would be one crappy weekend. They’d fill the space between them with silence or politeness at best. And she’d already talked to him and he’d agreed?

He’d already told Kurt about that horrifying arrangement. So, they were back to other possibilities. They’d tried and tried to come up with ways that they might be able to actually spend the night together…overnight. But, unless one of them came up with an epiphanous brainstorm of an idea, they’d have to settle for maybe four or five hours totally alone and not on Kurt’s back porch. And they were both adamant that they couldn’t get caught. Would their parents be that understanding if they really knew the truth and not just hypothesized about it? They couldn’t take that chance.

“We’ll figure it out, babe,” Kurt said, squeezing Blaine’s hand. He leaned over, looked toward the open door, and instead of a stolen kiss, he gave Blaine a proper kiss. “I love you, Kurt….and I want this so……much, it’s all I can think about…,” Blaine whispered, just in case….all he wanted to do was tiptoe to the door, close it quietly and turn the lock.

Kurt giggled, whispering back, “Well then that sounds like a good sign! Maybe you won’t need Dr. Milton much longer…speaking of which,” They reluctantly got up off the bed knowing they had an appointment with Dr. Milton in an hour. He was thankful that his therapist didn’t see this as Blaine’s confusing path to walk alone. Blaine’s sessions were always wide open to Kurt and Kurt hadn’t missed a single one.

Laine sat in his car gripping the steering wheel, attempting to organize his thoughts before he stepped out onto the second floor of the parking garage. Barb had called, not texted, to make her request. The surprise of her calling was only overridden by the reason for the call.

Speechless for what seemed like an eternity, his mind wanted to say no! Hadn’t he been saying no to her…to them…for years? Why say yes now? As his brain battled with the carefully hidden longing of his guilty heart, he quickly reanalyzed their conversations.

Barb had said she was leaving the decision of visitation up to Blaine….and why would he want to spend time with a man who expressed almost no interest in him for 15 years? He really didn’t want to say no, but yes was not what had initially come out of his mouth. Instead he’d reverted to arguing, he couldn’t imagine that there wasn’t someone else Blaine could stay with for four days…and besides he was 15! Why couldn’t he just stay by himself? But he’d left those questions unanswered.

Maybe he was being given a second chance….probably more like a first chance, but a chance nonetheless, to show Blaine that as lousy a father as he was he really did care about him. Maybe with the physical distance that now existed between them they could express themselves more freely. Sure, there’d been lots of physical distance in those 15 years, but it was different now, or so he believed….possibly hoped? And then he’d quickly said yes before he could talk himself out of it, still leaving his questions unanswered. After once again reconciling himself to the fact that he still needed one, his plan was to discuss these contradictory feelings with his counselor…yet again another counselor in a long line of them.

It was working! Blaine thought. Visit by visit he could feel the improvement. The anxiety and fear that had had him in its grip was coming under control. At first he’d been wary and embarrassed. Telling himself that he wasn’t the lone teenager on the planet with this problem didn’t help a bit. But he was finally beginning to see how all the family dynamics he’d dealt with from his earliest memory fit into all the stress he had been experiencing and why it might have come to a head now.

He leaned over the drinking fountain for a cool sip of water. He was used to waiting for Kurt by now. Probably washing his hands more than once or checking to make sure that a blemish hadn’t appeared on his meticulously maintained porcelain skin. The elevator bell dinged and Blaine was just about to stand up again when he heard a voice behind him say, “Oh, let me get that package for you.”

Blaine froze. As he listened to the brief exchange between polite strangers in the background he prayed neither would want to use the water fountain or need to use the restrooms. He took a breath, releasing it again when he heard one person continue on down the hallway while the other got back on the elevator. He was almost afraid to swallow, afraid he’d choke.

Quickly sneaking into the small entryway to the restrooms, he slid to the floor, trying to catch his breath, to slow his heart rate. His mind was a jumble – he knew what he’d heard (if not seen) and there was no point in convincing himself otherwise. When Kurt finally emerged from the restroom, he found Blaine sitting just outside the door, his face as pale as his own! “Blaine! Are you….” Well, it was obvious that no he wasn’t! “What’s wrong? What happened?”

Blaine finally took the outstretched hand Kurt offered and said, “We have to get out of here! Now!” “But…” “Now, Kurt! Just…come on!” Pulling Kurt toward the stairwell, he practically galloped down the stairs. Why were they taking the stairs from the seventh floor? The elevator had been right there!

When they got to the parking garage Blaine almost ran to the car. After they were safely inside, Kurt let Blaine catch his breath before asking, “What is it? You’re starting to scare me, Blaine!” Blaine took another gulp of air and tried to calm himself. “My dad…” he croaked, “he….my dad…” Kurt looked around to see if anyone was in the garage and when he saw no one, he tentatively drew Blaine a little closer trying to sooth his shattered nerves.

“Calm down, Blaine….” he said as he patted his shoulder, “your dad….what about him?” Finally, gaining control of himself, with wide-open, unbelieving eyes, he said, “Kurt,” my dad was there….in the building. On the elevator! I’m not sure if he got off on our floor or not, but it was him! I’d know that voice anywhere….what is he doing here?” Practically begging Kurt to have a simple answer.

Kurt tried to compose himself and apply the commonsense that he prized so much. Let’s see. There were at least nine other doctors in the practice and the wall plaque in the lobby indicated that all of them specialized in psychology or psychiatry. And so had the site on Google….had they missed something? “Blaine, let’s get back to your house where we can talk properly. Sitting here is leaving us too exposed….especially if your dad is here.” Blaine took another deep breath and nodded as Kurt started the engine, carefully driving to the garage exit.

Glad to be safely back in the car, Blaine was slowly backing away from the cliff’s edge, represented by that unmistakable voice he knew so well. He and Dr. Milton had had a very fruitful session and apparently at just the right time. As Blaine had explained what the exercise he’d been given had produced, Dr. Milton had provided some resources online and one in particular he recommended. Big Brothers/Big Sisters. Since Blaine had recognized his past desire for a man in his life, he felt it would be a good place to start if Blaine was still seeking a mentor. And since Blaine would be spending a weekend with his dad he’d given him some ideas for coping. But right this minute it felt like all of that progress had been for nothing, that it wasn’t really progress at all. He just kept hearing his father’s voice completely unaware that his son was only a few feet away.

Kurt had nothing to offer Blaine at the moment. He could only imagine the shock. And all the what ifs that were almost certainly revolving in his mind must be just as stressful as any of the other reasons that he’d presented to Dr. Milton. When they got back to Blaine’s he’d remind him of some of the relaxation and mindfulness techniques he’d learned and then help him apply them to this situation.

Honestly? His dad could have been in that building for any number of reasons, but if he had been the owner of the footsteps heading down the hallway, it was almost certain he was seeing one of the doctors for something. The seventh floor was the partnership’s whole suite of offices. But Blaine’s dad did work for a hospital. Maybe he was there on hospital business? Maybe he got off on the wrong floor? Kurt reined in his thoughts. They’d discuss it when they weren’t in the car. He could already see the list forming of why Blaine’s dad had been in that building.

Counseling, Barb thought. She’d been through enough of it to know that there was no rule that you had to tell your counsellor everything. She’d managed to never tell any of them her two secrets, but was that wise considering how much it affected her life and the very reason she might be struggling? Let’s see, your husband (soon to be ex) was bisexual and he wasn’t your son’s biological father. In fact, she didn’t even know who his biological father was! Talk about a good plot for a soap opera! Maybe she should tell Dr. Hussey. And again she reminded herself, confidentiality was supposed to be guaranteed. Maybe if she unburdened herself to the doctor, the need to tell Teresa would go away and she might actually make better progress. Maybe even get her out of counseling sooner rather than later.

Maybe, maybe, maybe! Enough. She needed some sleep. She shook a single Imitrex from the bottle into her palm, dry swallowed and hoped for the best.

Counseling, Laine thought. He’d been so sure that solving the immediate problem of his wreck of a marriage would end his need for counseling. Some days he thought everyone should be born with a counselor waiting so it seemed like the norm instead of the exception. Why hadn’t he said no to Barb. He’d been saying no to her figuratively and literally for years! Why allow Blaine into his life now? He supposed he could still get out of it with a simple phone call or text, but….he’d already acknowledged his cowardliness and he wanted that to change! Despite what might happen, he was tired of pretending to be someone he wasn’t!

And that thought slammed him in the heart basically stating that one chapter of his journey may have closed but in actuality he was just starting another one. This wouldn’t be over any time soon. He sighed as he waited for Dr. Lanter. Originally, his first appointment in the group had been scheduled with Dr. Milton, but he’d had an emergency that day and so he’d accepted an appointment with Dr. Lanter. Did it make a difference? After all, they shared a suite of office space and, in truth, he was afraid if he didn’t keep that initial appointment he might just quit altogether. And as much as he hated to admit it? His need for some type of permanent peace overrode his desire to cease his journey on this well-worn road of pretense.

Even though he had his driver’s permit, he was actually glad he wasn’t driving. He needed time to gather his thoughts. He was consciously using some of the techniques Dr. Milton had suggested and they were helping, but he was still stuck with the huge question of why his father had been on the seventh floor where all the psych doctors had their offices.

He decided to push that aside and wait until they were back at Blaine’s house as Kurt had suggested, turning his focus to yet another question. Should he tell Dr. Milton what he and Kurt were planning? After all, the idea definitely affected his current mental state. He was again planning to step out into the unknown when he was just barely getting a grasp on the unknown he was already living with.

But, were there laws or requirements about telling parents if their child was planning something like having sex for the first time? After still more Internet research, he was pretty sure that he could safely tell his counselor but did he want to take that risk in case they were wrong in their assumptions? So much to think about! Despite his always kidding Kurt about his obsession with writing things down, he couldn’t wait to get home and do just that – get it out of his head and on paper. He only had a few more visits allowed before his parents would have to be notified, or at least his mom, his legal guardian. Counseling!

Kurt concentrated on his driving, leaving Blaine to his thoughts for the time being. He’d taken his own thoughts back in time. In his mind’s eye he and Blaine were Googling counselors. Blaine was adamant that he wanted a male doctor. And of course now Kurt understood why. And step by step they’d narrowed their search to include therapists who specialized in LGBTQ and gender identity. Kurt remembered his surprise when he saw so many more specialists than were available to him only three years earlier. Therapy had done him a world of good and had given him the courage to come out at such a young age.

Taking a quick glance at Blaine, he found him staring out the window….and that was okay. He wasn’t crying or having trouble breathing. It seemed that he was coming down from the shock of his encounter with his father’s disembodied voice.

Mulling over the reasons his dad might have been on the seventh floor, he put the ones he’d already come up with in the appropriate compartments of his brain. He might be there on hospital business. He might have gotten off on the wrong floor, if indeed, he was the one who’d actually gotten off the elevator. He might be meeting someone for lunch? Maybe he’d grown a conscience and was seeing a counselor to help him in his relationship with Blaine? And as Kurt’s mind took him farther and farther away in search of another logical might, his heart almost stopped!

Keeping one hand on the steering wheel, he tentatively reached for one of Blaine’s hands. Blaine turned from the window, gladly taking the hand Kurt offered and gave him a reassuring smile, saying “I’m okay. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay.” But all Kurt could hear was his heart pounding to the beat of what (thump)…if (thump)..Blaine’s (thump)….dad…

No! That can’t be…his brain was like a vise clamping down on the disturbing thought.

Forcing himself to return his attention to driving, he squeezed Blaine’s hand much harder than he needed to. Wasn’t Blaine’s life supposed to get easier once his dad moved out? If he’d learned one thing in his 16 years of existence it was that truth was multilayered, often illusive and rarely simple. But at least in his family more often than not he could trust them, even Finn, a teenager himself. In Blaine’s family, if that’s what you wanted to call it, nothing was as it seemed on the surface…and when you started peeling back the layers all you discovered was more lies, more secrets….and ultimately more pain.

As Kurt pulled into the driveway, he squeezed Blaine’s hand one more time, not knowing if he was trying to reassure Blaine or himself. Momentarily closing his eyes, he took a shaky breath and opened the car door.