CHAPTER 3 – SHATTERED

Scanning the busy restaurant, Blaine found Jeff sitting at a booth, absorbed in reading the multi-paged menu. They probably knew the IHOP menu by heart, but they’d made it sort of a game to try something different every time they came here, usually concluding that no matter what IHOP pancakes, for which the restaurant chain was named, were still their favorite. Jeff glanced up as Blaine approached, noting his uncharacteristic appearance. He expected the tired look around his eyes these days, but it went beyond that tonight. His whole demeanor appeared exhausted, defeated, scared? He decided to let Blaine initiate the conversation. He was curious about the sense of urgency his short text had conveyed.

He dropped his heavy backpack at the window side of the booth and slid into it. For a minute he seemed to not notice Jeff at all, staring out the window into the darkness of the parking lot. Jeff’s gaze remained on his face….waiting, hoping his eyes spoke of understanding and encouragement. He placed the closed menu on the table and reached for one of Blaine’s cold hands folding it into his own as if to say, “The floor is yours and I’m listening.”

Blaine seemed almost startled by the warmth of Jeff’s hand as he turned his attention from the nothingness that lay outside the window. “Hey, love,” Blaine began, and then stopped. “Let’s order first, okay?” Jeff simply nodded. Blaine perused the menu. Nothing really sounded good, but he was starving! Quickly giving up on choosing something different, he decided on something familiar and comforting, the largest breakfast they served plus an extra pancake. After the cheerful waiter repeated his order and left the table, Blaine raised his weary gaze to those soft, expressive brown eyes. Over the several months they’d been together, he’d learned to read Jeff’s moods and sometimes even his thoughts through his cocoa-colored eyes. Tonight they translated, “Share your discomfort, your fear….whatever it is, it’s safe with me.”

“Jeff….I don’t even….I think….this just sounds so…..” he started….then hesitated, rolling his eyes to the ceiling, and shaking his head. Squeezing his hand a second time, Jeff steadied his voice and said, “Blaine, slow down, just slow down and take a breath.” Blaine nodded and followed the wise instructions, finally ready to start again. “Okay, I was painting the bedroom today and….J,” Blaine closed his worried-appearing eyes, making another attempt, “there’s something wrong with that room! I….”

Jeff studied that face he loved so much, trying not to look disturbed, but when Blaine didn’t continue he said, “Wrong as in structurally? Wrong as in the color isn’t working? Wrong how?….what do you mean? We can easily call maintenance for one and just get a different color for the second, right?”

Blaine shook his head in frustration, “No!” he realized he’d spoken too loudly and lowered his voice, “No, J, I mean as in….haunted? possessed? cursed? God! this sounds so stupid!” he lowered his head, running his fingers through his black curls. Jeff took both of Blaine’s hands in his trying not to hold them too tightly and said, “Calm down, Blaine, just tell me what happened. Maybe it won’t sound so stupid if you tell me. And whatever the problem is, you know I’m here to help, if I can. I love you, Blaine, and you love me, right?”

Blaine took another deep breath and sighed, “Yeah, of course, I love you..but this sounds so..even I wouldn’t believe me,” he stopped for a second and then mumbled, “Okay, here goes.” As Blaine explained the sequence of events that had led them to this conversation, Jeff paid close attention, not just to his words, but also to his body language. He wanted to really “hear” what Blaine was saying. Jeff had many faults – sometimes he had to work at controlling his temper, sometimes he could be a little possessive, and, yes, he knew sometimes he could be judgmental, but he was working hard on that. So, he made a brave attempt to relax into the booth, striving to clear his mind, focusing on the worry he saw in his lover’s furrowed brow, the tension that was evident in his clenched fingers, the fear he hated to see in those translucent hazel eyes.

They paused for a moment as their meal arrived, allowing the silence as they took a few bites, and then resumed the conversation. Between morsels of blueberry pancake, Blaine relayed the encounter from earlier in the day. He realized that by using the word encounter it implied that he’d met someone or something….and he hated that! It made the whole thing seem even more unbelievable! But it was the only word that fit the situation in his mind. Then, finished he sighed again, placing his fork down and taking a slow sip of water.

Wow! What was he supposed to say to that? He swallowed, also reaching for his glass of water, buying time before he spoke. Having worked in the medical field for the past several years he’d seen his share of unexplainable things. He had no doubt that there were things outside of the material world that couldn’t be seen. But all he could think of was that song from the 1980s, before he was even born! It’d been the theme to a movie, Who’re You Calling? Who Are You….something? It didn’t matter. He knew it was from some funny movie and now was no time to laugh. He glanced over at Blaine. He looked drained, relieved and still frightened all at once.

Surrounded by muffled conversations, silverware clinking, and doors opening and closing, Jeff waited. “Well?” Blaine’s tormented eyes questioned. “Blaine, that’s quite a…um…a…an experience,” he said searching for the right word. He didn’t want to call it a story implying that it might be something other than true. “And no I do not think you’re crazy or that you made it up. I believe you. How about if we finish up here and we can discuss it more at home.” Blaine gave him a doubtful look, “You really believe me? Please don’t humor me, J….” Jeff gave him a level gaze and assured him that he was not humoring him. Despite the difficulty he’d had telling his story, his appetite had apparently ignored him. He smiled a little when he noted that there was nothing left on any of his plates.

Kurt’s eyes traveled around the media room picturing how it would look tonight when it was filled with his students, his friends. His frudents? He snickered to himself. He glanced up at the collage he’d created for Javi for his birthday last year. He smiled. Javi liked to call it Coming Full Circle. Photos from Javi’s time with Antonio and Mateo, then embracing Javi and Kurt, anchored between two pictures, one the Sun and Moon, the other the Moon and Mercury. The analogy behind the glowing sun and the steadfast moon represented Antonio and Javi, a word picture created by past friends and coworkers during Javi’s years with Mateo. At some point Javi had nicknamed Kurt Mercury. The two planets closest to each other, equals, complementing one another. Javi had even written a song about it, Between the Sun and Mercury***.

Emerging from his reverie, he returned to the present, continuing on to the fridge. After making himself a pastrami sandwich, he sunk into the cozy couch in the media room. Javi had mentioned replacing it with something more up to date, but Kurt had literally begged him not to. Kurt knew it sounded silly, but they had so much history revolving around that piece of furniture. The outline of their bodies was imprinted on its cushions. And he loved the way Javi’s unique scent lingered revealing just how much time was spent there. Yet, it wasn’t until they weren’t living there full time that he started to notice little things like that and as much as he hated to be away from Javi, returning here for a couple days a week was almost a lifesaver for him. Los Angeles reminded him too much of New York only with better weather and more traffic.

He could hardly wait for tonight’s class. It should prove very interesting! He had four couples in this class, including Adam and Ethan. In his second class tomorrow he also had four couples, but they were a mixed group. It had just sort of happened that way. He’d started with all gay couples and then as word got around he began receiving requests from lesbian couples, bisexuals and even a straight couple.

The class tonight consisted of four of the original couples. So many had come and gone, not willing or able to move past one of the cornerstones of the class named Foundational Cake Baking. Or as Javi had taught him, they wanted to taste the frosting without first making and tasting the cake**.

His class tomorrow evening was at a different level. At first Kurt had had misgivings about teaching two classes in this fashion, but he soon discovered that it balanced his teaching and kept his mind fresh. Going over his own material time and time again kept his creative juices flowing.

Adam had been a little hesitant about this assignment. It wasn’t that he and Ethan couldn’t create a fantasy appropriate for them, but he wondered about Kurt’s purpose in having them exchange their fantasies with their fellow classmates and friends. Were they just going to discuss them? Were they supposed to implement them whether it was an acceptable fantasy for them or not? And he was still a little leery of sharing, even though he knew these guys quite well. What if they figured out which fantasy was his and Ethan’s? And why should it matter to him? He finally quit asking himself questions that seemed to have no good answers. All five submissions (Kurt and Javi’s included) had been transcribed and printed using the same computer and printer. Kurt had used a Boston-based transcription service he trusted. That way no one in the group would know anything about the other’s fantasy. Even he didn’t know what thoughts and ideas were written on those sheets of paper.

And there had been some initial reservations when he and Ethan had started the class. After all, they were guys, notorious for not wanting to share their feelings. It wasn’t a myth that some gay men were more open about that sort of thing, but it wasn’t true of all of them. They could no more be lumped into one category than straight couples. But he and Ethan had had the opportunity to watch Kurt and Javi’s relationship more up close and personal than most. At first it was their curiosity that took hold of them, but as the classes continued and they saw couples come and go, they realized that they really did want whatever it was Kurt and Javi had. And they were willing to put in the effort.

But before Kurt put his nose to the grindstone as he dad always said he needed a breath of fresh air, well, fresher than LA’s anyway. Balancing his class materials on his laptop, he snared a Diet Coke and wandered out to the backyard, taking a seat on one of the white lounge chairs. Carefully placing the laptop on the see-through patio table, he arranged his worn notebooks, pens and Post-It notes within easy reach.

So many memories here! His mind whispered do you remember……

The night he and Javi had spent stargazing, easily slipping into a serious conversation about AIDS testing, leading to the romantic evening on the cuddly soft rug in front of the fireplace…or the day they’d played Marco Polo, the almost naked version, in the pool. His eyes closed, Kurt smiled, he’d been so concerned about the neighbors hearing them…and then there was his birthday party. His kids themed party that Javi had laughed at only to discover that Kurt wasn’t the only adult that still liked to play hide and seek in the yard or Twister on the patio. And Kurt getting mad at Javi, telling him he hated him and Javi’s sexy and successful attempt to prove to Kurt that he absolutely did not hate him.

Okay, enough time spent walking down memory lane. He had a class to prepare for. Never in a million years had he ever seen himself as a Mr. Schue, different subject matter all together, but still…..a teacher? He opened his laptop, brought up one of his Word documents and began to type, his fingers swiftly clacking on the keyboard.

It was time, Rachel thought. It’d been well over a year since Finn’s death and the last time the Glee Club had had a real get-together was at Thanksgiving the previous year. She grinned. Back in the day, she and Brit had always been the party planners, Santana was the one who directed like Mr. Schue and Kurt was always, at his own insistence, the decorator/second chair planner. She’d mentioned something to Kurt in passing about getting together in the near future and Kurt had agreed, but he’d need to carve out some time and these days that was even harder than when he was still in school. Writing a book, teaching, commuting between San Diego and LA…..but he told Rachel he’d honestly think about it and suggested California as the setting as so many of their former members lived there. He’d even discussed using their house with Javi. He was all for it! He knew he and Kurt were both working too hard. They both needed a break.

Maybe around the beginning of June? Sort of a nice reminder of when they were in school and summer vacation stretched before them, a blank slate of free time, which none of them had anymore, but most certainly treasured the memories of. Tap, tap, tap…she added that to her ever-growing list. Perhaps What I’m Going to do on My Summer Vacation as a theme? Despite “allowing” his position as second chair planner, Kurt’s input was necessary. And besides, he’d certainly have all kinds of ideas and she knew he’d give that raised eyebrow look and single hand on hip stance if she didn’t keep him in the loop.

When Jeff and Blaine got back to the apartment, Jeff had headed for the fridge, grabbing a soft drink for them both. A beer sounded better, but he wanted them both to be clear-headed. He wanted to hear it all over again from Blaine. There would be no shoving this aside, hoping it would be forgotten. Blaine was clearly shaken by the experience.

“Okay, Blaine,” he said, as they got comfortable on the couch, “please tell me again what happened, everything you can think of,” Blaine sighed and gave Jeff a do I have to look. Jeff set his drink on a stone coaster and gathered Blaine to his side, talking into his hair, “It’s going to be okay. Whatever…it’s going to be okay.”

Blaine cozied into the warmth of Jeff’s body and the reassurance of his arms, lacing his fingers through Jeff’s. Blaine knew it might not really ever be okay, but the snugness of Jeff’s body pressed against his, the flutter of his hair as Jeff breathed into it, had a calming effect. As Blaine repeated his description of what had happened in the bedroom just yards away from where they sat, most of it sounded the same but with a few more details.

“So, you haven’t been in the room again, right?” Jeff asked. “No…I should have gone back to get the picture. It’s on the floor and if it’s broken I don’t want either of us to accidentally step on the glass. I really should have gone back in there and cleaned it up, but…” Jeff put a finger to Blaine’s lips, “You don’t have to explain. I get why.” They both went silent again until Jeff said, “Maybe we should just leave the room as is for tonight. I can always clean it up tomorrow. We’re both exhausted and need some sleep.” Blaine nodded his head against Jeff’s shoulder. “Yeah, I guess that’s okay, but….” “No more tonight, babe. Come on….come sleep with me. I’ve missed you and I don’t have to be at work until 3 tomorrow,” Jeff said in a voice suggesting something more than just sleep, hoping to distract Blaine’s mind….well, partially anyway. He really did miss him…them.

Blaine closed his eyes for a minute imagining how wonderful it would feel to fall asleep in Jeff’s arms. To make love and murmur pillow talk as they slipped into a contented slumber. J was right, he was exhausted, but he missed him just as much.

Ignoring the room as they passed it, Jeff reached for Blaine’s hand holding it firmly until they arrived at their bedroom. “Come here,” Jeff murmured, the longing in his voice evident. As they slowly undressed each other, the pieces of unfettered clothing dropping to the floor, their eyes met and held. Words weren’t required as that spark ignited, driving all thoughts of spooky rooms and exhaustion away.

“Blaine…you’re as gorgeous as the first time I laid eyes on you.” Jeff said as he drew Blaine’s supple lips to his for a slow, hungry kiss. And Blaine responded, wrapping his arms around Jeff’s neck, walking them backwards. As they toppled onto the bed, Blaine broke the kiss just barely, breathing, “I love it when you seduce me in that Oklahoma twang.”

The weight of Jeff’s bare body only fed the flame, Blaine smothering Jeff’s open mouth with his own. As their tongues danced, Blaine rolled them onto their sides, tiptoeing his hand the length of Jeff’s nakedness. Jeff whispered a groan and turned onto his back, placing his own hand over Blaine’s, making slow circles across his chest and belly.

As the circles grew wider and his lover’s fingers slipped over and around Jeff’s sensitive nipples, he could feel Blaine’s hard-on pressing against his side. Instinctively, he started to release Blaine’s hand, only wanting to touch the most vulnerable part of Blaine’s body, but Blaine stopped him. Apparently, Blaine had other plans. Jeff’s closed eyelids became a movie screen for his imagination, eager for the next scene.

Somewhat reluctantly, Blaine drew his lips away from Jeff’s and put them to use traveling the length of Jeff’s upper torso. He nuzzled the hollow of Jeff’s neck, counting the steady heartbeats against his lips. Jeff relaxed into the practiced hand still caressing his chest and belly. Blaine played a game of Hesitation, moving his hand lower…then a little lower….and then skittering away when he felt Jeff respond. It was driving him crazy! He wanted to roughly shove Blaine’s hand downward…..and yet he enjoyed the sweet agony. Blaine persisted….waiting….waiting….waiting….yes! for that, the begging moan, the heave of Jeff’s pelvis.

He moved his hand until his fluttering fingers barely brushed against the base of Jeff’s swollen cock and then licked his index finger. The finger became a focal point as its tip traveled from the base, up and over his concave belly, to a single nipple. He traced outside of the nut-brown nipple in circles, listening to Jeff’s shallow breathing….

anticipating…expecting…..craving Blaine’s lips, his warm and slippery tongue stroking his nipple….and then the finger joining the tongue in petting….prodding….and oh god! toying with his nipple. This always drove Jeff wild!

They’d played variations of this game many times. The torture was exquisite, but inevitably he’d plead for that hand and those lips to move downward until they engulfed his prick. “Blaine…..” Jeff breathed.

Still playing Jeff’s nipple with his tongue, Blaine’s hand slid down until he was gripping the base of his cock, still snacking on the sensitive nipple with his teeth….until Jeff said his name again…uhhhhh! he could listen to Jeff say his name like that a million times.

And then….Blaine’s lips and mouth engulfed his hardness, sliding them knowingly from top to bottom. Slowly…..slowly….taking time to caress his balls with his other hand….then slipping a finger between his lips and Jeff’s prick drawing the finger under the rim of the head of his cock round and round….over and over. Jeff had had a few partners before Blaine, but none had ever discovered this method of bringing him to a climax.

As Jeff came, Blaine thrust his mouth and tongue down to the base, allowing Jeff his seconds of ecstasy…..loving the way he could please him….simply loving him the way he loved him.

Jeff now lay limp on the rumpled comforter, his arms and legs carelessly sprawled. A feast for the eyes, Blaine thought as he reached for the scented oil they always kept on the nightstand. Jeff displaying no resistance, Blaine pivoted him onto his belly.

Pouring the sweet-smelling oil into the palm of his hand, he spread it over his toned cheeks, repeatedly running only one oily finger along his crack from top to bottom. Placing a hand on each ass cheek, he spread them apart slightly, slipping his rigid cock into the crevice and moaning, wanting more.

I need this! I need you, Jeff! his brain howled using the oil to create just enough slipperiness combined with the right amount of friction. He felt the fingers of one of Jeff’s hands clasping his own fingers tightly, sharing in Blaine’s need and desire. The rush of coming……his whole body shuddered and then…..

Blaine lay atop Jeff’s back, catching his breath and listening to Jeff’s at the same time, feeling satisfied, complete and content. Yes, life was taking some strange turns, but from the beginning their love had gained strength.

As Blaine rolled over into the softness of the mattress, his eyes met Jeff’s quiet smile and he moved over to kiss his eyelids. “If I haven’t mentioned it yet today, I love you, J.” He caressed his black stubble and then his neck and down his shoulder. “You arrived in my life at just the right time and now look at us…our dreams are coming true! Well, I guess my dream is coming true….I’ve never really asked, what’s your dream? You were already established when I met you. Did you always want to be a PA?” Jeff laughed. “Not specifically a PA, but I knew before I hit my teens that I wanted to work in medicine. Being a doctor or a nurse didn’t really speak to me though. It really just sort of came naturally, I guess. I loved science, math, biology, almost everything a PA needs to be strong in. And when I started at OCU, I did some research on the future of being a PA, liked what I saw and here I am. Not quite as glamorous as being an actor/singer/dancer and whatever else you do, but it works for me.”

His gaze settled on Blaine’s colorful eyes; they looked relaxed, maybe not carefree, but happy. “It works for us and that’s even more important to me.” He maintained eye contact, his own eyes softening as with a rush of love he said, “if I ever had a dream…..and I know this sounds terribly corny….but you’re my dream, Blaine. No one else ever…..quite fit, ya know?”

Blaine slid closer to the warmth and comfort of Jeff’s body, nodding his head. “Like I said, we met at just the right time. I was finally getting my act together, working through past relationship issues, trying to figure out which direction I was moving in or if I was moving in one at all. When I met you? How do I say this….you weren’t Kurt…and you definitely weren’t Barry. It’s almost like….” Blaine stopped for a minute gathering his thoughts, “you were a whole new book, not just a new chapter. It was like I could finally close that book that I still haven’t found a title for. I could almost see your named stamped on a new book cover…..and that sounds pretty corny, too….but I was ready for you.”

Reaching for each other at the same time, they closed the gap between them, folding themselves into each other’s bodies. Jeff kissed Blaine’s forehead. Was now the time to bring up these strange feelings he’d been having about Kurt? They had so little time for moments like these when their hearts and minds seemed to be touching…when the act of lovemaking opened them up to each other completely…when they felt safe saying what was on their minds.

“Blaine, I have something I’ve been wanting to talk about….but there’s never enough time to think, to talk…” “What is it, babe?” “Well, since you brought up Kurt….um, do you mind if I say something…about him, I mean?” Blaine gave him an affirming kiss and nodded.

“Um…I really like Kurt; he’s a nice guy. But something has been bugging me about him lately and I can’t put my finger on it. I wish I could be more specific, but let me give you my analogy. When I see you two together, it’s like watching two worn pieces of a jigsaw puzzle trying to fit together…and you do to a point, but not completely. I know that sounds like something I should be okay with, but it feels strange to me….God! I wish I could make sense of this…”

“J, first of all, if you have any thoughts that Kurt and I would ever be a couple again, please….it’s not going to happen. I know we’ve talked about this….but maybe it’s just watching me with an old boyfriend”…..Jeff interrupted, “Not just an old boyfriend, Blaine…” “Okay, he was my first love…and sure we considered ourselves soulmates, but maybe we look like two pieces of a puzzle that almost but not quite fit together because that’s what we are. For those who know our past we’ll probably always look that way, not because we still fit together in the puzzle, but because we once did. You said it was like worn puzzle pieces. And I guess that’s kinda what we are. There’s a lot of wear and tear between Kurt and me. But as far as I’m concerned the only puzzle we’ll ever fit in together is a brand-new one. And you’ll be the only piece that works for me. The piece that I don’t have to “try” to fit into. There was a time when I couldn’t have said this, but if Kurt and I ever end up as friends, it’ll have to be completely okay with you. And I know that’s the way Kurt and Javi feel about it; it’s been stated very plainly.”

“I’m learning to look at my past relationships with Kurt and Barry as life lessons. Something I can build on so that I never, ever hurt you like I did Kurt and that I never, ever allow my insecurities to lead me into another Barry situation. Does that help you make sense of whatever you’re feeling?”

“Yeah,” Jeff said rather surprised that it might really be that simple, “but let me think about it some more. Thanks, babe, that does help.” After a few more minutes of quiet chatter, they drifted off to sleep, Jeff contentedly spooning his lover.

“Belita, slow down! Take a breath,” Javi said to his sister noting her worried eyes on FaceTime, “Now, is it mama or papa?” He still wasn’t sure he understood anything she was saying, except that it involved their parents. “It’s…..everybody Javi!” She took another breath, closed her eyes and released it. “I don’t know what to do! Mama wants to come stay with me for awhile….” Their mother wanted to visit CDMX (Mexico City)? She hated big cities. She’d probably been outside of Quintana Roo only a handful of times in her entire life.

“Okay, but why?” Javi queried trying to keep any hint of alarm from his voice. Again, Belita attempted to calm herself. “Let me start at the beginning and stop babbling, mi hermano mayor (big brother). We…me and Eduardo…we finally convinced Enrique to visit mama. We assured him that papa didn’t have to be there. That maybe mama could meet him somewhere besides la casa. So, I went to visit for a few days, pretending to take mama for a little vacation trip to Puerto Morelos where we’d meet with Rico. We made it there okay and had spent the evening catching up with Rico. Oh, Javi! Mama was beside herself she was so happy.” Javi remained quiet….he could hear a but coming. “And?” he said.

Belita was fighting to control her tears, “Papa showed up with Eduardo! Apparently, Lalo (nickname for Eduardo) misunderstood the plan. What a mess, Javito! He went to the house planning to meet up with us but of course we weren’t there. Before he could regroup and get his story straight, papa confronted him wondering why he was there when he was supposed to be in Puerto Morelos with us. Papa could tell something was up. You know Lalo wears everything on his sleeve. He tried to make excuses, but papa finally forced the truth out of him.”

“Javi, he was livid! Poor Lalo, he looked so guilty when they arrived, like he wanted to crawl under a rock. Anyway, papa glared at Rico and then looked at mama and pronounced that she was leaving with him right then. He started to take her hand and she refused! She stood up, took him firmly by the arm and led him to somewhere private so they could talk. When they returned papa wasn’t much calmer and mama announced that she wasn’t going back home with him. God, Javi! We all looked at each other not knowing what to do….and then all of sudden we were all offering to take her home with us….and papa kept insisting she was going back to Quintana Roo with him.”

“I finally got a word in stating we were creating an embarrassing scene…and then Lalo regained his tongue and told papa firmly and quietly that he would take care of mama, that she was staying in Puerto Morelos, and instructed papa to go home. It was awful, Javi! He looked at each one of us like he was accusing us of deserting him. Then, he turned around, slammed the car door and went home.”

“Poor mama! She kept saying she wasn’t going back until she was able to see her children as she pleased. Everybody finally simmered down enough to have a reasonable conversation and she asked if she could stay with me. Lalo kept insisting that she come stay with him in Chetumal and Rico wanted her to stay with him and continue their catching up….and she decided to do that for a couple of weeks and then asked if she could stay with me.”

“And of course she can! But what is she going to do here while I’m at work? This is an indefinite stay until she works things out with papa, she says. But, Javi? How is she going to work things out, if that’s even possible, if she’s here and he’s in Quintana Roo?”

Javi was at a loss for words. He wanted to be there, to help his sister and his mama. But he couldn’t just up and leave in the middle of Reinventing Your Sins for an extended period. Of course, he had an understudy who could take over for a short period, but he knew that part of the draw to the play were the seven starring roles, his being one of them. Every person in the audience had their favorite star, of course, and they came primarily to see that character.

“Belita, I….” “Javi, I know you can’t leave LA right now…and I don’t want you to. But I had to let you know! I don’t know what’s going to happen and I honestly don’t mind having mama here for as long as she likes, but eventually she’s going to get tired of this condo and I know how she hates going out in the City. She’ll start missing her home, which papa refuses to leave, by the way. He said it was her decision to leave, not his. It’s all just such a mess.”

“Bela, let me think about this and I’ll help in any way I can, you know that. In the meantime, we’ll talk or text or FaceTime. I don’t want you to deal with this alone and I don’t know how much help Rico or Lalo will be, but we’ll work it out…and so will mama and papa.” He didn’t add that none of them may like the outcome.

“Hey my little tomcat. Miss me yet? 😻”

Kurt looked down at his phone and chuckled, “Every minute of every day I’m not with you lovebug. And neither of us have time to play 😿maybe later?”

“Definitely later. I just wanted to let you know that there’s a disturbance in the force down in Mexico, family stuff. I might need to talk later….too…as in addition to?”

Kurt laughed again, not just at his reference to play plus, but also his reference to Star Wars. Although Javi loved Star Wars, Kurt always had a hard time picturing it. “You know I’m always available for listening and play plus. I’m very good at multitasking. Are you okay?”

“Yeah fine but gotta go soon. As you know Lust awaits! In more ways than one. 😋😋😋😋😋 Yummmmmmm”

Kurt replied with “😘😘😘😘😘” and returned to finishing up his notes for later.

Adam walked through the door as always, having disposed with knocking a long time ago. “Chef Adam to the rescue with snacks!” he yelled, setting their contribution to class this week on a kitchen counter. They found Kurt in the media room as usual waiting for everyone to arrive.

“Hey guys!” Kurt glanced at Ethan, “So did he spend all afternoon making enough to feed an army?” Ethan laughed, “No, just half an army.” “Well, I could just run over to Wal-Mart, pick up some day old sandwiches and pastry from the deli and bakery, ” Adam said, trying to appear wounded, “I didn’t have to make my homemade cheese crackers and caramel corn, so why don’t I just take them to the car. Ethan can you help me?” Ethan laughed and said, “Oh, stop pouting! You know we always have a full house whenever they know you’re bringing the munchies.” Now it was Kurt’s turn to chuckle, “In that case, we’ll just skip the class discussion altogether and pig out!” “Geez,” Ethan said shaking his head, “How you two didn’t wind up together is beyond me. You’re the perfect example of opposites attracting.” Adam and Kurt looked at each other in mock horror, laughing again. “Too much opposite and not enough attraction I guess!” Kurt chortled.

As the rest of the class arrived, they settled on the floor or in chairs with their plates of goodies, notebooks or laptops open. They glanced expectantly at Kurt who drew their attention to the coffee table. Six papers lay on the table facedown. After a few minutes of chitchat easing into a comfortable space for class, Kurt spoke up. “Okay, these are the results of the assignment plus one. I added a sixth one I’ve written just in case you happen to pick up your own. If more than one of you happens to pick up your own, I have another I’ve written as well.”

“So, last week we discussed the word “taboo” and what it means. I asked that as you wrote your fantasy to remember the definition. When it comes to consenting adults, and especially in a trusting relationship, it’s an ongoing, but necessary, process to rid your relationship of taboos. Is it easy? We all know the answer to that.”

“Fantasies by definition rely on taboos. We want to try something that we think or know others may find totally unacceptable. We hide them away and don’t talk about them out of fear. But trust should drive out fear, right? Again, I know, easier said than done.

So, as you engage with the fantasy you’ve chosen, discuss what, if anything, you find uncomfortable, unacceptable, yes, even disgusting or morally wrong. Examine the flip side as well. What do you like, what turns you on. Write it down! I can’t say it enough. It’s the best way to go back and see where you’ve come from and where you’re going.”

Kurt’s eyes moved from person to person, friend to friend, student to student, “and I’m….no we…Javi and I are still learning this. We’ll never stop learning if we want our relationship to grow.” It was a simple fact, everyone had a different reaction when they were captured by Kurt’s gaze. Those eyes – they could be comforting, friendly, encouraging for some, and for others piercing, sometimes disturbing – it all depended on how you felt about the topic up for discussion.

“Now, there are two purposes for this lesson. The first is to read these fantasies with an eye towards what it might look like or feel like. Take notes. Try to employ all of your senses, touch, taste, smell, hearing and sight. You may choose to act out the fantasy or not. And I’m giving us all two weeks for this assignment to give you all time to immerse yourself in it. And yes, I’m going to participate in this assignment as well.”

Everyone sort of looked at each other, some feeling a little uncomfortable and others surprised that Kurt was including himself in his own assignment. He’d only done this a couple of times, but the result had always been a very candid discussion after the assignment had been completed. The group had been together long enough that they were pretty much at ease with each other. Oh, there always seemed to be a touch of uneasiness when anticipating a discussion. But, they wouldn’t be discussing their fantasies tonight. Last week’s lesson would be the topic and most felt pretty confident in their capabilities to participate in this conversation. Part 2 of how to employ the senses to their fullest advantage was the matter at hand.

At Kurt’s instruction everyone reached for one of the papers on the table and scanned the fantasy. There was some murmuring and even some laughter. One couple had picked up their own so they reached for the last one, laughing after reading it. “Maybe we should have stuck to our own,” Brock said to his partner. Kurt had barely glanced at his, but knew it wasn’t his own and decided to wait until later to read it. After giving everyone a chance to peruse the fantasy they’d chosen at random, he drew everyone’s attention back to himself and began the discussion for this week. “Now, we all know what the five senses are. Does anyone have a favorite?”

God, he hated insomnia! Their hectic lives simply weren’t conducive to a good night’s sleep. And he also knew that if he laid here he’d never get back to sleep, so he got up, heading for the kitchen to make himself a cup of camomile tea. While he was waiting for it to steep, he walked back down the hallway to the troublesome bedroom, hesitated for a moment and told himself to walk away, that opening that door certainly wouldn’t send him back to the Land of Nod. But instead he unlocked it. It was completely dark except for the sliver of street light gleaming through the window.

The smell of paint lingered of course. Everything had been left untouched. Still standing in the doorway, he allowed his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting. Hesitating, he chided himself – it’s a room for God’s sake! Taking some tentative steps, he walked towards the clump of furniture in the middle of the room. He unconsciously wrapped his arms around his bare chest as if in need of protection. He decided to take it one step further and gingerly sat down on the bed. Nothing seemed out of place really…well, not out of place for a room in the process of being painted. He sat there for a few minutes in the quiet listening….for what? Not knowing what and feeling a little foolish, he determined he’d at least put the lid back on the paint can and take it with him.

As he arose from the edge of the small bed, a twinkle of light caught his attention. Meer inches from his hand the framed photo lay in the middle of the bed broken in half with a chip of glass gone at one corner.

Thoughts of open paint cans were released into the air as he fled the room, almost slamming the door shut. With shaking fingers he locked it again and then checked it….again. He needed much more than a cup of tea! He rarely drank whiskey, but…..he quickly poured two fingers into a glass, feeling the burn as he swallowed hard. Taking a deep breath, his hands steadied, and then he poured a little more, sitting down at the kitchen table.

What was going on? That photo should have been on the floor! He knew it hadn’t been picked up! He was positive! Finally, taking what was left of his whiskey with him, he propped his pillow against the oak headboard and carefully got back under the covers. No point in waking him up, too. And the whiskey seemed to be working its magic.

He barely touched his quietly slumbering partner’s shoulder. It was meant to reassure him…..but for whatever was going on in that bedroom they’d need more than whiskey and reassuring touches….much more. Swallowing the last of the whiskey, he tried to get comfortable, curling into the warmth of his lover without awakening him. He wasn’t much for prayers, but a whispered prayer for protection escaped his lips. Closing his eyes, he hoped that whoever was in control of this world was listening.

But….what were they gonna do? How could they deal with whatever this was? And then suddenly the lyrics to that silly song and sillier movie leapt into his foggy consciousness. Even though this was still no laughing matter, he couldn’t help but quietly chuckle to himself…Who Ya Gonna Call –

⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔⛔

**See Chapter 20 Foundational Cake Baking in the story Everything Changed for an explanation of what it means.

***Song and lyrics may be found in chapter 51 of Everything Changed (Todo Cambio), Between the Sun and Mercury.