CHAPTER 10 – TAKING CHANCES

Blaine set his backpack and black duffel bag on the bed. He was as ready as he would ever be, he guessed. Carrying the gear downstairs, he placed it all by the front door. Soon, his weekend from hell would begin. He’d tried so hard not to view it that way, but from his perspective he couldn’t come up with any other way to look at it.

And, weird…..his dad had done the unthinkable! And Blaine kept trying to decipher the catch that almost certainly had to come with it. He asked him about the possibility of going out to dinner on Saturday night, which he found rather unnerving. First of all, he’d asked, not making a statement like it was a foregone conclusion. It wasn’t the usual command performance where Laine simply assumed what he wanted a person to do, they would do, no matter how that person might feel about it.

But still, what was he supposed to say, no? He could picture the whole weekend, hour by hour as if time could actually slow itself down, the tension and boredom dragging out, except for the few hours he’d be spending with Kurt on Sunday night. Blaine in one room, his dad in another, avoiding conversation. What was worse? Trying to have a real discussion with him over a meal or the empty silence that existed between them 99% of the time when they were together, even though they might be in different rooms?

Searching desperately for a silver lining, he’d found it when his mom had okayed his standing “date” with Kurt provided they stay at Kurt’s as they usually did. He pressed his lips together willing them into silence. He could hear the first words that had come to mind tripping flippantly off his tongue, when she’d given her consent – “We’d be better off at the movies if you’re concerned about us having sex.”

Laine felt like he was in the midst of a head-to-head battle between hope and fear. Where did a person start when wanting to repair 15 years of neglect? A single weekend wouldn’t even scratch the surface. He had to face the fact that it might take his entire life and major changes to his lifestyle to accomplish.

He was so afraid he’d revert to type, crawl back into his protective shell or, the worst case scenario, lash out at Blaine for no other reason than simple fear. And he knew if they simply stayed at his apartment the whole time it would be too easy to play his version of hide and seek without the seeking part. So he preempted his own natural tendencies and decided to invite Blaine to dinner while he was there.

Not very original, his mind whispered. Not even realizing what he was doing, he sent a silent comment to his mind – well, do you have any better ideas?

Of course, it wasn’t very original, and he’d have to work hard at attempting to have anything resembling a normal conversation with him because he barely knew Blaine! He supposed he could have suggested watching a football game together or going to a movie, not his thing, but he knew that was the chicken’s way out. The TV or movie would provide a perfect backdrop for avoiding dialogue. At least in a restaurant they might actually strike up a discussion of some sort. Hell! They could talk about football or movies if it came to that.

What concerned him the most was what Dr. Lanter had said when they’d discussed the upcoming weekend. Studying Laine, he’d said, “You realize that if you start this, you can’t just stop it, unless Blaine chooses to stop it. You’re an adult. He’s still a teenager. A lot of damage has already been done…and trying to start a relationship now and then just dropping it if it doesn’t suit you would be cruel and unfair to him. The only thing you would have accomplished was creating more pain.” Actually, he had thought of that, but when someone else put it into words it sounded even worse. No! He had to be the adult and allow Blaine to come to him without it appearing that way to Blaine.

Barb’s flight would be boarding any minute. She looked at her phone one last time and then set it to what else? Airplane Mode. She could have driven the 14 hours roundtrip that it would have taken. She found driving relaxing and fun. But then she’d have almost no time with Teresa. Handing over her boarding pass, she smiled looking forward to seeing her friend in just a little over an hour.

And all of the sleepless nights and indecision were finally over. She was now firmly committed to a plan that brought her some peace of mind. She’d finally decided to tell her therapist both secrets she’d carried around for so very long. And to tell Teresa about Blaine’s parentage, but not Laine’s sexual orientation. That way she could unburden herself in a healthy way with her therapist, share one of her deepest secrets with Teresa, but not break her promise to Laine. She’d peppered her therapist with a ton of questions about confidentiality and was repeatedly assured that unless she planned to physically harm herself or someone else whatever she wanted to reveal fell under the code of ethics governing confidentiality. Still, she hesitated and had said nothing. Not yet. When she got back from Appleton would be soon enough.

Kurt had tried and tried to contain that bombshell of a thought in one of the many compartments of his well-organized mind. And most of the time he was successful. But then a picture of a panicked Blaine would explode behind his eyelids, a reminder of them in Kurt’s car after one of his recent appointments with Dr. Milton.

Every fiber of his being screamed that he should tell Blaine what he suspected. But why? It would only upset him more and it was only a suspicion….a scary suspicion, but still just a suspicion. One that could destroy Blaine at least for the foreseeable future. His therapy was going well and to put into words what he suspected would probably undo any progress he’d made.

Even Kurt didn’t want to think that it might be a truth and not just a suspicion. And they didn’t even know if it was Blaine’s dad who got off that elevator. No, whatever the truth was he refused to be the one to derail Blaine’s progress when he was still in a fragile state. The fact that his parent’s were getting a divorce, he now had a real relationship with his mom after years of neglect and their own plans to take their own relationship to a whole new level was enough to put on Blaine’s plate.

No….no, no, no, he couldn’t tell him. It wasn’t his place. This kind of destructive knowledge should only be shared with Blaine by his parents and surely Barb would know something like this, wouldn’t she? Okay, that decision had been made and Kurt felt a little bit better having made it. If, in fact, his suspicion was really the truth he’d be there for Blaine to offer consolation, a listening ear and the warmth of his arms….they’d get through it together.

In the meantime he’d been trying to come up with a place and time for he and Blaine’s encounter. It was scary and exciting all at once! As always, he wanted it to be romantic! Perfect! He wasn’t ready to think of it as a someday memory…not yet. But where? How? His heart and mind painted and repainted his picture of perfection.

He’d always pictured it outdoors, the day sunny, in autumn, the trees shedding their colorful leaves around them. Or…the not very imaginative blanket in a field of flowers, a basket of munchies beside them. Someplace no one would see them. They’d slip slices of fruit into each other’s mouths and laugh when the juice dripped down their chins. Maybe on the edge of a copse of trees away from prying eyes, although how many prying eyes would there be in a field of flowers….or under the cool shadowy trees? But the only places like that around Lima were parks…well and some farms.

And then his mind would set the paintbrush aside and survey his work of art from a distance. A frustrated sigh would escape his lips. It still wasn’t what he wanted.

First of all, a park provided too many opportunities for being discovered during the day and was downright dangerous at night even in Lima. His imaginings had never included darkness anyway. And a farm would be great except that he didn’t know any farmers. His small circle of friends all lived in town…and even if he did have access to someplace like that what was he going to do? Knock on their door and ask if the landowner would mind if they took a walk on his or her property? Not in this day and age! “Why don’t you two just go to a park?” would be the inevitable response with probably a mistrustful look before the door was firmly shut on them.

Sunday wasn’t that far off. Hopefully, Blaine would have some more ideas. He’d told Kurt that he’d been spending his week searching for a safe place and time, trying to distract himself from the upcoming weekend he so dreaded.

Blaine had just ordered desert – chocolate lava cake – surprised he wasn’t still so nervous that he couldn’t eat it. He’d been on guard from the very moment he’d stepped through the door of his dad’s neat but rather bland apartment. He looked around trying to decide what to say, what to do? And then Laine took the lead, showing him around….tentatively asking questions that might be answered with more than a monosyllabic yes or no? Not the Laine Anderson he knew at all!

But after a couple of hours had passed, Blaine could feel the knot is his stomach loosen up. He was sort of pleased his dad was apparently attempting to reach out to him while at the same time feeling fearful, along with another emotion he couldn’t identify. They’d had a relatively untroubled two hours of delicious food and conversation, but he no more trusted his dad now than he had when they’d been shown to their table. And why should he? Trust didn’t arrive wrapped with a nice tidy bow after a handful of hours making small talk! What about all the years when the packages were wrapped in brown paper, possibly torn, and when opened were empty….not a trace of trust to be found?

Damn it! His phone vibrated in his pocket. He almost let whoever it was go to voicemail. But in his case where others could say if it’s important they can leave a message, he didn’t have that luxury. Sure, they could leave a message, but this was his work phone. Of course, it wasn’t a rarity that he’d be called for any number of work-related issues no matter what time of day or night, weekends included. And he was on-call. He and Jim Black traded the chore every other weekend. He’d asked Jim earlier in the month if they could switch this weekend, but unfortunately Jim’s mother was in very poor health and he’d promised his parents he’d visit this weekend. But, this came with the territory and normally it didn’t bother him a bit. He gave Blaine an apologetic look and said, “I have to take this. Order me some more coffee please?” Blaine nodded as his father walked toward a door to the outside, his head down already examining the text he’d received.

What was this? It wasn’t just a text, but an actual phone call….how unusual. His “hello” was answered by an operator wanting to patch a call through from China. Of course he had to take it, but the only person he knew in China was the hospital administrator, Sam Ellison, and he was supposedly on an extended vacation.

“Laine?” Mr. Ellison’s voice crackled over the phone. “Yeah, Sam, how’s China?” “Well, it was great until an hour ago,” Laine heard the heavy sigh all the way from China to Lima, harboring just a touch of panic. “I need you to go to Miami. The whole network has been hacked, all of the computers are down everywhere! Call all of the emergency IT teams and have them meet you there. I’m going to try to get a flight out, but it may be a couple of days before I can get back!” Laine leaned against the brick building. Nothing like this had ever happened in their network of hospitals. Sure, they’d heard about it, but….”Okay, sure, I’m on my way, do you want me to…” “No, I’ll call you until I’m back in the States.”

Trying to remain as calm as possible, he headed for the restaurant checkout counter to hurriedly pay for his meal. He was trying to remember everything he’d ever heard about hospitals being hacked. Most of the time, there was some sort of ransom demand and it could take days to weeks to fix.

Blaine! His stomach dropped to the floor. He’d never been in this situation! He’d never had to deal with this hands-on type of responsibility. When it came to Blaine, he’d taken responsibility for the externals, his schooling, his clothing, the financial part of what a child needed. What was he going to do about Blaine? Should he call Barb? But what could she do?

He’d never repeated the question or gotten an answer for why Blaine couldn’t stay at the house. And he was 15! He was old enough to stay alone for a night or two. So, okay, he wouldn’t stay at the house then. He would just remain at Laine’s place. It was a secured apartment building with someone tending the lobby behind the locked door that led to the street. That’s what he’d have to do. He didn’t know any of Blaine’s friends or their parents and Blaine would probably be safer at his place anyway. Yeah, he was supposed to go out with some friends Sunday night, but arrangements had already been made for that. He’d just give Blaine a key.

Returning to their table, he quickly explained the situation to Blaine. He nodded, placing his fork on the plate, leaving his half-eaten dessert and Laine’s lukewarm coffee behind. “So, when will you be back?” Blaine ventured, just trying to make conversation. “Don’t know, nothing like this has ever happened to us, but you’ll be okay at my place won’t you?” “Well, sure, of course!” His teenage mind was already taking him to places he knew he shouldn’t be following. “I’ll text your mother from the airport, ” Laine replied distractedly. Blaine knew a reply wasn’t required. By this time, Laine was talking to himself, not Blaine.

A bowl of popcorn beside him, Blaine waited in the living room, absent-mindedly watching a movie he’d already seen. He could hear Laine gathering a few necessities and zipping them into a suitcase. It was almost like being back home before he’d moved out. “You’re sure you’ll be okay?” Laine asked again mostly out of guilt. These emotions were foreign to him when it came to Blaine. He’d spent years burying them, but with counseling they were slowly starting to surface. Here they’d gotten off to such a good start or at least he thought so. Well, with any luck there would be other times. “I’ll be fine. It’s only one more day,” he said almost stumbling to get out the word “dad.” He could count on both hands the number of times he’d called his father “dad.” He let it go. He had other things on his mind.

“Okay, well I’ll text you when I get to Miami or in the morning depending on when I get in.” Laine barely touched his shoulder in a tentative attempt at saying good-bye. The shock traveled all the way from Blaine’s shoulder to his hands! Laine’s fingers hesitated for only a second and then he was gone.

If he hadn’t been so preoccupied with the thoughts racing down a one-way track ending in Kurt, he might have taken the time to analyze what had just happened.

He waited ten minutes, crunching on popcorn, staring at the TV screen, but not really seeing anything. He wanted to be sure his dad was really gone before he picked up his phone and sent a text to Kurt. “my dads gone!!!!” He was so excited he could barely hit the right letters. “what???? gone where?” was Kurt’s reply. Hurriedly, he clicked away sending the message outlining the essentials of why Laine wasn’t there.

Suddenly, Blaine’s phone bleated Kurt’s ring tone and Blaine switched over as he heard Kurt say, “Wow! What’s your mom gonna say? I’ll bet she’ll be pissed!” Blaine laughed and said, “Maybe or maybe not. After all, I’m not staying at the house and he said he’d text her to tell her I’m staying here at his place. She might be mad at first, but it’s not like she didn’t know something like this might happen. It happens all the time! I’m surprised she didn’t think to form a contingency plan,” he laughed.

“So, what are you thinking?” “Well, I thought maybe you could come over here, but it’s a secured building. You’d have to get past the front desk and I could arrange that, but what if the guard said something to my dad? So I think that’s out. But maybe I could meet you at my house tomorrow earlier in the day. I have a key to the backyard fence gate and you could park your car somewhere besides the driveway and then come in through the backyard fence. That way no one would see you.” He hoped!

Kurt was silent for a moment. Was this really happening? They’d been talking about it for so long expecting to have everything planned out. And now this opportunity was being dropped in their laps! A twinge of guilt struck his heart, but he’d always known that no one could know, his dad, Blaine’s mom….no, only he and Blaine could know. And then the twinge of guilt disappeared and was replaced by a hint of dangerous excitement.

“Maybe I could say we’re meeting for lunch and then catching a matinee. It’s not like that isn’t something we’ve done lots of times. And everyone assumes your dad is still in town. But what if your mom texts with some new and improved idea about where you should stay?”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll call, but it’s only one more day until she’s home. And she didn’t like the idea of me staying at your house because as she put it, “If something happened on Burt and Carole’s watch they’d never forgive themselves.” And she didn’t want me staying with other friends because she didn’t know their parents. Who does that leave? And besides, I’ve already stayed alone overnight a few times before, so she can’t use that.”

“Oh my god!!!! We’re really going to do this!” Kurt whispered excitedly. “Do what? You mean we’re not going to meet for lunch and then go see a movie?” Blaine laughed. “Stop it, be serious.” Kurt half-heartedly chastised Blaine. The thrill was hard to contain! The big step they’d tried to plan for so long was now only a few hours away!

“But what if your mom decides to come home? Or your dad comes home tomorrow?” Kurt pondered, trying to cover every base of “what ifs.” “Kurt, think about it. She’d have to change her flight for what would amount to only a handful of hours of getting home earlier and even if he managed to fix whatever is going on as soon as the plane landed in Miami, he couldn’t get back here until late Sunday. We’ll be at your house by then.” Blaine had made two very valid points. “And besides, I’ll be talking to both of them sometime tomorrow morning, so if by some backhanded miracle they do get back here tomorrow afternoon I’ll know about it and we’ll just go back to where we were,” No, please!

“I’m never going to get to sleep now,” Kurt settled into the tricolored comforter on his bed. At this time tomorrow, he and Blaine would have crossed another bridge together, no longer virgins. He was caught between eager impatience and sort of an uneasy doubt. A million “what ifs.” He knew the perfection he longed for was not attainable. “Blaine…..I’m scared….I love you, but…” “Kurt,” Blaine interjected, “No more what ifs, please….I’m scared, too, but….I mean we don’t have to do this, ” Kurt could almost feel Blaine holding his breath, hoping Kurt wouldn’t let his fears and doubts end this opportunity. “Yes, I think we do…..,” Kurt released a shaky breath. “I don’t want to wait anymore….do you? Every time we’re together it’s all I want…and when we’re apart it’s all I think about…” Blaine closed his eyes, relieved. Now that the moments they’d longed for were almost here, he couldn’t stand the idea of going backwards…his heart and mind constantly being tugged in two different directions.

Voicing a few more reassurances, some more ideas for the next day, going over their plan again, Kurt had slowly backed away from the cliff of fear, being replaced with anticipation. When they finally disconnected, after declaring their love over and over, they felt like little kids before Christmas morning. Unable to sleep and wondering what the next day would hold.

Now what? Barb tried not to let her impatience show. Well, of course! It was Laine. He couldn’t even deal with Blaine for a weekend? She read the lengthy text and then read it through once more.

Thank God for cell phones! It was how they’d communicated ever since cell phones became a reality. That way they didn’t have to actually talk which was fine with both of them. And she wasn’t really surprised by the content either. Why hadn’t she planned for this?

Frustrated that she hadn’t and that she didn’t have a plausible solution now either, she began figuring the hours between Appleton and Lima. It was already midmorning on Sunday. Even if she left right now and could get a nonstop flight, highly unlikely, she wouldn’t be back in Lima until late afternoon or evening…and by then Blaine would be at Kurt’s. Then, the next day was Monday and he’d be in school. It wasn’t like he’d never actually spent an overnight alone.

Finally, she acquiesced, returning Laine’s emergency text with a reply that she hoped sounded reasonable. Her first thought had been to call him, venting, letting him know what she thought of his undependability. But instead, she counted to 20 and sent a return text, accepting his solution and wishing him luck in solving what really was a major crisis.

Her text to Blaine simply outlined her decision to stay in Appleton, reminding him that she would see him late Monday evening. She fought with herself holding back yet another reminder about acting like a responsible person in her absence. She’d already said it more than enough. Barb could only hope that he’d follow her instruction, but she knew from experience, when you were Blaine’s age where there was a will there was most definitely a way. She just had to be satisfied that she’d done all she could.

Laine had hit the ground running, literally. Constantly glancing at his watch, he stood in the slow-moving security check line. He was one of the few people he knew who still wore a watch. His life was lived minute by minute and checking his phone all the time just wasn’t an option. But right now the minutes were crawling as small contraband items were found in carry-on bags or an alarm would go off because someone had forgotten to remove something from the long list of forbiddens from their luggage.

As he’d waited impatiently, he’d texted Blaine informing him that his flight had been a little late, but that he was in Miami and would text him again later. Blaine told his dad that he’d received a text from his mom and that she was sticking to her original plan, which Laine already knew about. Sure, Barb had been upset, but she hadn’t been accusatory or worse, quit texting and decided to call him with a rant about his irresponsibility, always putting his work first (like I have a choice in this case, he thought) and on and on ending in both of them hanging up on each other more angry and frustrated than ever. At least this time he could turn his full attention to the critical problem at hand without hearing her accusatory voice in his head.

“Well,” Teresa said over brunch at Rosie’s, “it appears that conversation went better than usual.” She’d been present for more than her share of their one-sided phone battles. Yes, Barb was flustered and upset, but not laying blame on Laine was certainly a new way of dealing with it. And not having to hear Laine’s angry voice through the phone as she sat in a chair a few feet away from Barb was certainly refreshing.

Barb gave her a half-smile. “Yeah, I can’t believe I actually put some of those coping skills I’m learning to work….maybe even somewhat successfully. And besides, for the most part he’s no longer in my life. In hindsight it’s easier to see that this situation couldn’t have been avoided. It’s his job! I know he can’t just call someone else to do it for him so he can “babysit” his 15-year-old son.”

“Barb, you didn’t arrange all of this because you thought Blaine was too young to stay alone for a weekend and we both know it even if Laine doesn’t. And you certainly didn’t do it so they could have some father/son time….as if! And ya know what? Blaine and Kurt will find a way no matter where you are or what you do.”

“I know….” Barb said in a distracted voice. “It’s just….most kids don’t know that sex is a much bigger deal than they think. Fortunately, neither of them can get pregnant,” she sighed and sort of chuckled; it may sound funny, but if Blaine was a girl that would be a real concern! “And I know they think what they’re calling love probably isn’t going to last forever…but they think it will. And, of course, getting hurt is all part of being a teenager in love or being a person in love at any age really. But…Blaine’s been hurt so much over the past 15 years. I guess I should be glad that if it’s going to happen that it happens with someone he thinks he’s going to love forever. I don’t know….sex for the sake of sex isn’t even fun as far as I’m concerned, but I’m not a guy, much less a gay one. Okay, enough about something that I can’t control.” Barb concluded taking a sip of her caramel latte.

“So, we spent yesterday catching up on my life….what was it you wanted to tell me? I’ve been patiently waiting to hear it, all of it,” she laughed, knowing waiting patiently was impossible for her, and leaning towards Barb as if anticipating a proclamation that might change the world….little did she know.

Barb had spent most of her flight mulling over the reasons she wanted to tell Teresa about one of her secrets. She’d concluded that one of the reasons was because in telling your therapist? You did that because you wanted to unburden yourself, sure, but also to get some professional advice on how to deal with it now and in the future. In telling Teresa, she didn’t want advice, she simply wanted to share it with someone who cared about her as a friend, not just one of many clients with the same filled-out forms in a numbered chart folder. But where to begin?

Barb raised her eyes to meet Teresa’s and held her gaze, “T, you can’t ever tell anyone about this. Not our friends, not your family, not my family, god! especially not my family! This goes no further than between us. And most of all Laine and Blaine can never know.” Teresa was surprised by the gravity of Barb’s declaration. She’d expected that she’d not be able to tell anyone, and she’d never betrayed Barb’s trust, but this sounded deadly serious.

Teresa merely nodded her understanding. She reached across the table and took one of Barb’s hands. It was so cold! She waited for Barb to open up the conversation again. “It’s about Blaine.” Teresa had watched her friend’s struggles with her feelings for her son for four years. She knew Barb loved him, but trying to express it appeared to have been a monumental task. It was like a game of tug-of-war was always going on inside. She remembered one of the few times they’d talked about it when she said her greatest fear was him not needing her anymore. Teresa found that strange considering she seemed to not want him to need her at all! She rarely saw them together. Neither of them went to his plays, his football games…well, Laine went once or twice to those maybe….it was almost like Blaine was raising himself despite them.

Was there more to Blaine’s recent announcement that he was gay? Surely, Barb would have told her if that was the case. And knowing what she already knew about Laine? All those thoughts running through her mind simultaneously in a matter of seconds? Nothing could have prepared her for the carefully chosen words that came out of Barb’s mouth, “Blaine is not Laine’s son.”

Teresa gulped! “Blaine isn’t….well, who’s his father then?” She blurted out, staring at Barb, trying not to appear condemning or judgmental. Barb took a deep breath and then sighed. “I don’t know.” This was only getting harder and harder to believe. “Barb, how can you….not know?! I mean he looks so…” “Yes, I know, like Laine. That was by design, T.” By design? What in the hell was she talking about? She’d heard of designer babies….but…this was shocking and confusing all at once.

“IVF…I used IVF. I was at a point in my life when I knew Laine really didn’t want children and by then I didn’t want him to be my baby’s father, so….” Barb looked at her lap, clearing her throat, and said “so I decided to find a sperm donor.”

“And Laine never suspected?” Teresa sort of squawked, reaching for her glass of water. “Not that I’m aware of. He never said anything to me if he did and I’m sure he’d have said something. His life revolves around his work, prestige, and money…and can you see him voluntarily supporting a child that wasn’t his? I can’t! I just wanted a baby so badly….” she began to cry. “But then when he arrived, all I could think about was how one day Blaine wouldn’t need me anymore. I felt like no one needed me; Laine certainly didn’t. So, instead of loving and enjoying him while he really did need me, I put a wall up between us. God Teresa! How could I do that to my only child…or any child!”

And Teresa cried right along with her. She couldn’t imagine going through all of that and then not being able to tell anyone! Her heart broke for all of them….even Laine. What a complicated mess! And then there was what she knew. Did Barb know, too? Whether she did or not, now was not the time to bring it up. Teresa had kept that secret to herself for years. If the truth needed to be told, it could wait for another day.

Kurt had parked his car two blocks away on Walcott Street. He couldn’t believe this was really happening and he was one big bundle of nerves. Excited, scared, nervous, unsure – they’d been trying to plan this for what seemed like ages. Blaine had told him to just bring himself. He would make all the “arrangements.” Kurt didn’t know this, but Blaine had decided he wanted to play the role of romantic for a change.

Taking a deep, calming breath, he got out of the car, making sure to lock it. Luck had been with them! Finn hadn’t wanted or needed to use the car they sort of shared.

He knew he’d have to take a direct route to Blaine’s house. These days a person couldn’t just cut through people’s yards, risking the possibility that a landowner might call the police, or at the very least confront the person themselves. Kurt couldn’t afford to allow either to happen. He walked as quickly as he could on the sidewalk north and then west, his head down, until he arrived at Blaine’s house. Taking one quick look around, hoping no one was watching through a window or something, he walked along the tall wooden security fence to the gate at the back. It opened easily and he took another breath slipping into the backyard. The picture of him struggling with the gate as who knew who watched him disappeared. Thank god, Blaine had remembered to unlock it.

When he reached the halfway point of the enclosed yard, he almost started laughing. He was tiptoeing! Like anyone was going to hear his progress across the perfectly manicured lawn. As he approached the back door, he stopped one last time, looking at his surroundings, taking in the smell of flowers, listening to the birds chirping. This was the beginning of the things he’d remember about this day. And not just him….he hoped Blaine would be there with him to reminisce. He took one last glance around and then knocked on the door as quietly as he could.

So many people his age didn’t give the upcoming event even a second’s thought. Maybe it was because so much of his life up until now had been a series of traumatic events. His mom dying when he was so young, the harassment suffered since his first day of school, coming out as gay so early in his life…..hard, sad, sometimes unavoidable, traumatic events. Maybe that was why he was so careful to savor the special, happy and meaningful events.

When Blaine opened the door, Kurt almost fell into his arms. Just thinking about his past, those thoughts almost feeling like reality all over again, took him to a sunless, moonless place he almost never dared go. Blaine didn’t ask. He simply held Kurt until he could feel his embrace loosen. “I love you so much,” Kurt said almost desperately, “so much.”

Blaine finally closed the back door….on all of Kurt’s fears and pain….and his, too, he hoped. All he wanted was a lifetime with Kurt and he was certain Kurt wanted the same. Their future together would never hurt them the way their past had. They believed in each other and their love. They were soulmates, not just teenagers playing at love. They’d write a story together like no other.