Uhhhh! Way too early to be awake, Kurt’s sluggish mind said as he rolled onto his left side. Insomnia rarely robbed him of sleep, but lately?…stoked by a passion that had lain dormant, then without warning had leapt off the pages of one of his many spiral-bound notebooks?…now he even kept a small pad of paper and a pencil on the nightstand, a mini flashlight available so he could jot down ideas, spilling from his overactive brain, through his fingers and onto the page.
Sharing the project he envisioned with Javi had somehow freed his emotions, but had captured his brain, leaving it trapped in a semi-permanent on position. Yes, his passion was writing, but alongside that lay an overabundance of practical considerations. Kurt’s relative anonymity had worked in their favor thus far. Performing onstage in Albuquerque was one of a handful of times he’d stepped briefly out of the shadows and into the spotlight combining one of his many talents with Javi’s crowd-pleasing performance. If Kurt’s venture into writing produced a successful book, how might that affect Javi’s career and his personal life…their personal life? It probably wouldn’t unless his success was such that translating the book into Spanish might become a reality. And since the book was still in its infancy, safely cradled between the ruled pages of a notebook, not even yet dignified with a title….only the future held an answer.
He could picture himself in legitimate or gossipy interviews where the number one question would be, “What were your influences? Did you have help? Who…what…when…where…why?” He couldn’t very well reply, “I learned it from my partner, actually. And he learned it from his former partner…oh, what happened to him? He’s deceased. It was…. a skydiving accident. And he learned from his parents.” He could hear the reverberation of a million, “I’d rather not comment on that. The answer to that is not really pertinent to the topic of the book. Where I learned it isn’t important or up for discussion. What’s important is that it helps others; that’s why I wrote it. No, I won’t tell you his name; I’m not here to talk about my partner or his past.”
Neither of them wanted to bring Antonio or his parents into the mix. Something that affected Javi’s career was one thing; something that affected his equally well-known partner in Mateo, now gone, and also Javi’s parents was like opening Pandora’s box. They’d chosen to use unorthodox methods to teach their son the art of loving a person wholly. Their teachings were a rare gift passed down through who knew how many generations and at great risk. Secrecy had been maintained for a whole host of reasons and confidentiality was their right. In Kurt’s eyes, extending the knowledge learned from Javi was most certainly a gift, but it wasn’t his to give at the expense of others’ privacy. There was also the issue of morality. In any country, the tale of the background techniques used could be perceived as provocative. In Mexico, one never knew where danger might lurk, where the question of illegality would come into play. Kurt wasn’t willing to take that risk, but they’d figure it out somehow. There was no reason to rush the publication of what he hoped would become a book. They certainly didn’t need the money and it gave Kurt plenty of time to acquaint himself with the business end of publication. Could he use a pseudonym perhaps…and would it alleviate some of the issues if he did?
But the tangled threads of tomorrow’s obstacles wasn’t what had awakened him. The dream again; not just “a” dream, but The Dream. If his abilities extended to magic, he’d banish it to extinction with a single, “Begone!” Not that he had it that often but it was annoying. However, it had been a long time since he’d awakened with damp cheeks or unshed tears. He supposed that was an improvement. He was no closer to understanding it than he had been the first time it had made its troublesome premiere. What a perfect night that had been. The first time they’d played a made up game Javi called, “What I Like About You.” Their words, their fingers, their bodies slowly and imaginatively revealing all their “likes” and of course their “loves,” similar to Facebook for lovers only better. Making love in front of the fire on a furry area rug, contentedly sleeping there all night in each other’s arms.
He elevated himself on his elbow and cradled his head in one hand. His Javito, lying on his back sound asleep, his face relaxed, his lips barely parted revealing that little crevice between his lips that Kurt found so sexy, so irresistible. Funny how merely touching him, tracing his finger over his lips, or barely feathering a kiss there could still make him shiver. Watching his eyelids flutter, a dream of his own manifesting itself behind those chocolate brown eyes, watching his fit chest rise and fall, he carefully laid a hand over his steadily beating heart. Contemplating this man who seemed to own every key to unlocking Kurt’s potential only reminded him of all the reasons he was sure his destiny lay in writing. He’d taught him passionately, yet patiently, a new way to love, to live. Silently, he laid down once more, closing his eyes, hoping that the comforting rhythm of Javi’s pulsating heart would lull him into sleep once more.
He could still hear the peaceful ebb and flow of a Spanish lullaby, the tinkling melody, background music to the dream. Arrorro Mi Nino (I Miss My Child). He heard it often. Javi would absentmindedly hum it or tenderly sing the lyrics under his breath. He hadn’t visited his mother lately, but they managed to stay in touch. The childhood lullaby would bring back vivid memories of her singing, always singing, as she went about her household chores. It took him to the beaches of Quintana Roo his own voice mingling with the cries of seagulls, the water flowing back and forth on the sand, chasing itself into the depths of the Gulf of Mexico. And then Antonio shouting, destroying the peace of the lullaby. “Everything’s changed!” Except for that part, Kurt’s half-asleep brain murmured. That had most certainly not changed. Antonio’s angry voice whipping around…wherever they were. Everything else was so vague…well, except for the glass shards at their feet as if someone had dashed something fragile to the floor and maybe stomped on it? He was almost certain the four of them were in the dream, although he didn’t always see Blaine or even Javi; it was more like he felt their presence….and yet, he didn’t know at whom Antonio was directing his outrage? his vexation? If not at Kurt, then someone else surely had to be in the dream. Frustrated himself, he huddled against Javi’s warmth, caressing the muscles of his beautifully naked body. Javi enveloped the hand on his chest above his heart into his own and rolled on his side taking Kurt with him. Kurt hadn’t told Javi that he was still having the dream. In the scheme of things….well, he just had too much on his plate right now and it wasn’t upsetting really. It wasn’t a nightmare, just a nuisance. He nestled into Javi’s curves, straightened the velvety covers around them, waiting for Javi’s even breathing to resume, indicating he’d returned to sleep. Resting his cheek on Javi’s back he softly whispered, “I love you, Javier Ramos Ruiz” before finally succumbing to a second invitation from his hopefully dreamless subconscious.
Javi’s out of control laughter didn’t exactly improve Bill’s mood. “Why in bloody hell is he writing books? That voice, that face! He can write books another time! This is California where stars are made. He could have the world eating out of his hand just by putting that face in front of a camera! The sky’s the limit for that kid! And he’s going to hide all of that behind a book???” He shook his bald head in pure confusion and a lot of frustration. “Ohmigod!” Javi gasped around his hysterics, “You can dispense with your worn-out metaphors, Bill! It’s not going to change his mind!”
Finally reining in his unappreciated hilarity, he said, “And besides, I only wanted to keep you informed. Have you forgotten in your desire to capture your “star child” that you have other clients like me for instance? Kurt’s book…or for that matter, anything Kurt chooses to do in the public eye will affect my career as well.” No use bringing up destiny again. To Bill, the word destiny was something you attached to star-chatter (Bill’s word for publicity) once you were successful!
And besides, Kurt’s resourcefulness had produced yet another Eureka moment that might not only assist him in writing the book, but might give him a feel for how receptive people would be to the ideas contained between its covers. He wasn’t even sure yet if he was going to aim it at the gay community or couples in general or maybe better even singles. It might put them on the path to entering a serious relationship with the knowledge that Tonio had had before he met Javi. So, he was thinking about inviting some interested couples or friends and teaching what he’d learned alongside writing.
Another decision he’d made was to return to part-time at the boutique. Full-time hours didn’t lend themselves to the time he wanted and needed to pursue his writing and possible role as teacher. They had been a bit disappointed at the boutique. Kurt’s fashion sense had become even more evident after he’d returned from a handful of buying trips, but they’d rather have Kurt part-time than not at all…and besides he might change his mind. And as Javi had pointed out, now that he was out of school, he could travel more with him if he wanted to. When Javi had said that so matter-of-factly, Kurt burst out laughing. “Oh god no, Javi! That sounds so tiresome and boring. If you’ll think back you might remember our first argument was over me traveling with you?” Of course he would want to travel with him! And Bill was right in a way. He could put off writing (which he wasn’t going to do), but he could write anywhere in the world. So why not on the road with Javi? The whole topic of Kurt’s traveling outside the States, and in particular Mexico, was still up in the air, but as Kurt had grown more confident in their relationship, he realized he didn’t have to be with Javi every second. As creative people, they really did need time away from each other on occasion. On the other hand, he wasn’t going to give up using his powers of persuasion when it came to bringing Javi around to the idea of their traveling abroad either.
The insecurity that often arose surrounding the issue of distance hadn’t been totally conquered by either of them, but learning to establish complete trust took time. Javi still remembered how surprised he was at himself when Kurt had embarked on his first overnight buying trip…that had turned into a three-day buying trip. Trusting Kurt had never been an issue for him….until that trip. Even knowing that Kurt was as close as his phone, he’d fought with himself. Lying there in the dark, knowing a simple text would more than likely result in not only reassurance, but some fantasy fulfilled, he’d stubbornly argued with the insecurity he didn’t want to acknowledge. Kurt’s arrival home was met with Javi’s scooping him into his arms and later telling him about the absurdity of his quandary. “Getting a taste of your own medicine, mi Javito? Or was it JAVI lying there awake? Poor, poor JAVI,” he’d smirked and then giggled, Javi unsuccessfully hiding the scarlet under his golden brown cheeks.
And as if the dust devils encircling the commotion of change and surprising developments wasn’t enough? Blaine had reentered their lives. Well, mostly Javi’s life. Javi had been kind enough to set up interviews with his own staff or at least with the variety of people who would be pertinent to Blaine’s desire to become an actor. Singing was also a consideration and Javi was pleased that he could aid in representing someone as multitalented as Blaine….since as Bill had pointed out Kurt wasn’t interested in pursuing his “real” talents. Javi had quietly but firmly underlined that Blaine wasn’t some sort of consolation prize to which Bill agreed, but he couldn’t help but wonder how two such talented, and not to mention attractive, men could have come from where was it again?…..oh, yeah, like the bean….Lima, Ohio.
While Jeff spent long hours familiarizing himself with the demands of his new position at Cedars-Sinai, Blaine was tasked with creating what he hoped would soon feel like a home in LA. Fortunately, their experiences with life in the Big Apple had prepared them for big city living, the major difference being the mode of transportation. New York was subway-driven; LA was mainly get in your car driven, with the Metro running a distant second. That Javi had demonstrated such a willingness to be supportive was an absolute godsend.
Kurt had not yet made an appearance, but he knew their meeting again was an inevitability. He was somewhat surprised that he didn’t feel very anxious or apprehensive about it. But, he was confident in his love for Jeff and Javi made no secret of the solidity of he and Kurt’s steadfast bond….yet that dream still plagued the midnight hours….not as often but…..finally he’d decided that for now he had no time for dream interpretation. He was still in counseling and getting to know his new counselor, plus reestablishing their real-life dreams upon the backdrop of all that California represented to them made for enough of a challenge. Setting thoughts surrounding “the dream” aside for awhile…..he just didn’t have the time to dwell on the dream’s meaning. He was too busy pondering why it took five phone calls and the annoyance of five mechanical voices just to get basic utilities initiated.
Teaching was something Kurt had never envisioned himself doing. Finn had been the natural-born teacher; Kurt’s ambitions at that time had centered around fashion design and acting on Broadway. With Javi in LA, he’d taken this day off from work and even from writing….still somewhat unsure of how other writers took the thoughts in their heads and turned them into books. Listening to what he called his “inner author,” he’d developed an instinct for when he needed downtime.
Adam would be arriving soon. He may not be focusing his energy on writing today, but the invitation extended to Adam was meant to serve two purposes. Quite simply, he enjoyed Adam’s company and he was hoping to get a feel for he and Ethan’s interest should he aim his sights on teaching as well.
One of the many things he needed to remember was that people and their personalities, their desires, how much of themselves they were inclined to invest in a relationship varied, no matter your sexual orientation. Not all gay men were interested in exploring their feelings or those of their partner. Not all were any more sensitive than your average hetero man. Some would be interested in what he had to say but not all would be interested in putting the work that it would take into practice (as rewarding as the results of that work could be). And there was also the fact that most were already in committed relationships, some longer than others. There had to be a way to do this so that it was flexible. Some would love the idea of going back to the beginning and learning something new and others not so much. Walking the established path, but in a different way, was rarely easy. The desire and willingness to listen and change had to be there for both partners.
Kurt assembled some snacks, chips and dip, cashews, and a variety of veggies on a tray and took them out to their favorite place, the patio by the pool. The thought of Adam’s friendly criticism of Kurt providing store-bought snacks brought a smile to his face. If he were Adam, he’d have spent the morning carefully preparing a variety of hors d’oeuvres for even this simple get-together.
The conversation they’d had a while back was what had seriously set his mind to teaching as well as writing. The multicolored fabric of he and Javi’s life together was knit in such a way that it seemed to fit naturally but the garment had to be tried on constantly to maintain its shape. Its color could change as quickly as the iridescent flash of Kurt’s kaleidoscope eyes. Yet he’d never given much thought to how appealing the garment would look to those on the outside, peeking through the store window, coveting the pretty clothing, but unsure if the price tag dangling from the sleeve represented a cost they were willing to part with in order to own it. So, when Adam’s curiosity led him to ask about it, he realized how badly he wanted to tell Adam…and anyone else who was interested. But now! He wanted to do something concrete now! Yes, he still wanted to write a book, but he wanted to talk about it now!
He’d told Adam that what he was willing to share with him was by no means a quick-fix for relationships, it was almost a lifestyle you had to be receptive to adapting. And sex was only a single layer of the variety of colors that Adam could see scribbled across the surface of their lives together. It was about learning to choose fresh colors for each other, experimenting with unfamiliar shapes and sizes. And just as he was about to tell Adam that he thought he was a pretty sensitive guy, Adam piped up with, “Geez, Kurt, stop talking like a writer!” Well, maybe they’d have to work on the whole sensitivity thing, but he’d helped him weather the storm that had been Blaine and Barry. He’d stood by him, taken him way out of his comfort zone…considering the mess Kurt had been for so long that took a degree of sensitivity, right? He’d love to give him what he considered the greatest gift Kurt himself had ever received, hoping that it wouldn’t be the kind that Adam would want to take back to Returns for a refund.
They’d dispensed with knocking long ago, Adam just sauntered in and plopped himself down on an empty lounge chair. “God, I love California!” Kurt rolled his eyes and smiled at him. “Do you ever say hi anymore? Honestly, California should offer you the job of their new poster child!” Kurt had set a chilled can of Adam’s favorite soft drink on the table between them. He nudged the tray of snacks towards Adam, putting them within easy reach.
After exchanging a few bring-us-up-to-date tidbits, Adam asked, “So, did you invite me over for my sparkling personality and conversational skills or is there something on your mind?”
Kurt gave him his one-eyebrow-raised look and laughed, “Just picking up on a conversation I had to put on hold a while back. Remember when I was trying to decide how to celebrate our first anniversary? You were talking about our relationship, Javi’s and mine, and how you’d like to maybe improve your relationship with Ethan?”
“Yeah, I remember that! You got all secretive on me, nothing new there,” he laughed, “but yeah I remember, why? Are you finally going to spill your guts and tell me how to make our world perfect in one or two easy lessons?” Kurt made a face, “Spill my guts?? You have such a way with words….not!” “Well, at least I don’t talk like I’ve swallowed a whole thesaurus! No one ever asks me why I’m describing how my burger tastes by comparing it to a collage of….something or other for the taste buds or why I think my fries smell like some flower…”
“Okay, alright, let’s get serious! You were certainly serious enough last time we talked about it.” Kurt knew how Adam loved to get under his skin, just like Finn used to. Maybe that was why they’d ended up as best friends and nothing more.
“Okay, you’re right, and I was serious. Very serious. I think Ethan and I have a great relationship, but after what I went through with Barry….I know it’s been over two years, but I think, like you, I’ll always wonder if I could have done something more. Sure, Barry and I talked about it, but he was still kind of on the defensive and I probably was, too. Anyway, yeah, what you two have is……it’s I don’t want to say special, that sounds too precious….it seems like it comes naturally, like you don’t have to even think about it.”
“Oh no! Before we go any further, it isn’t something we don’t have to think about. It may look that way as a result of what we’re thinking and doing in the background, but it doesn’t come naturally. Where do I start? It’s something that Javi learned but before you ask I can’t tell you where or how. That part is simply not up for discussion. Now, do you want me to continue?” He looked over at Adam not saying another word until he nodded yes. Adam was eager to hear what Kurt had to say, and besides he knew that trying to pry his lips apart following the words, “not up for discussion,” was futile.
“Okay, it starts out with talking, learning about each other. Not just surface stuff. Not just what I think I might need to know to get whomever into bed with me. It begins with making absolutely sure you’re on the same page before you barely touch each other, much less have sex. It’s about setting boundaries. None of it happens overnight. If you want to know the truth, we didn’t have sex…..in the way you would think of as having sex until a couple months ago, but believe me we had a better sex life, a better love life, than most people ever have, and we still do. Yeah, I can tell you really don’t get it and maybe you don’t even believe me, but the only way you’ll get it is for someone to tell you how to do it. And even though you’ve been with Ethan for a year, you can always start at the beginning and improvise what I’m telling you to fit your relationship. The thing is, Adam, you both have to want it or at least you both have to want to try.”
Adam had talked about this with Ethan. He wasn’t blind either. Like everybody else it was obvious that Javi and Kurt had something that most of them were envious of. In fact, sometimes it had been the topic of many a powwow (also known as gossip) between friends and couples, but so far no one had been brave enough to ask about it. Part of it was Javi’s desire for privacy and part of it was that it had taken him so long to find Kurt. He may provide fodder for their rumor mill, but their respect for him took precedence over their somewhat prurient desire to “know.” And no one, other than Adam, felt that they knew Kurt well enough to ask something so intimate, even though the two of them were so obvious about their feelings for each other in public.
“So, do you plan to teach this to others or just practice on Ethan and me first? Yes, we’re interested. I already discussed your ideas for a book with him and I’m pretty sure he was serious. Aren’t you going to have to write the book first anyway before you start imparting your wisdom upon the rest of us?” Adam smiled.
“I don’t necessarily have to complete the book all at once. I’m thinking about teaching others, but I don’t know what the interest level would be yet and I don’t know if it would be better to try it in a small group or individually. Part of me feels like individually is too much like counseling and I don’t want to be anyone’s counselor, but in a group might be uncomfortable for some. I don’t know, maybe I can do both? But yeah I suppose starting with you and Ethan makes sense to me. You’re my best friend. I know I can count on you to tell me how you really feel about whatever methods of teaching I come up with. I know that probably makes you guys think you’re my guinea pigs, but let’s face it you sort of are. And I’ve never been what I would call a teacher so…..I have to start somewhere….”
“Kurt, I can tell you without a doubt there will be interest. Whether you like it or not, you guys’ relationship has been the topic of many a…..um, conversation? in the neighborhood. And don’t get all huffy. Think about it, in a way you’re already teaching and gaining interest.”
Adam had a very good point. “Okay, I guess I see what you mean…and whether I like it or not after I start teaching I’m pretty sure I’ll only be adding to the gossip. So, talk it over with Ethan again and let me know.”
“I don’t have to talk it over with him, but if it makes you feel more comfortable I will. Honestly, what harm can it do to try? I already know what he’ll say and I know what you really want to know is if we’re serious enough to try in the long term and not just give up after a lesson or two, am I right?”
Kurt took a sip of his Diet Coke and nodded his head, “Yes, that’s exactly what I want to know. But if you decide after say four or five lessons this isn’t for you, I want to know that, too.”
Blaine glanced at his new phone. Just enough time for lunch and he’d actually be early. He’d spent his morning doing an audition for yet another sit-com. They seemed to be the bread and butter of TV-dom at the moment. He was only one of a herd of hopefuls. In that way LA wasn’t much different from New York, they were cattle calls no matter how you might try to dress up the words. Javi had texted him from San Diego the night before extending a lunch invitation. Meetings in LA were demanding his attention so he’d be around all day the next day. Blaine was a little hesitant at first. It wasn’t like he’d never spent time alone with Javi since the move, but sometimes it felt sort of weird….like he might be infringing on he and Kurt’s life. It was silly really, especially since it was always Javi who initiated their get-togethers. Jeff would be at work so lunch with Javi wouldn’t be taking away from the little time he and Jeff got to spend together. Of necessity, making new friends was somewhere in the middle of the ever-growing list he’d whimsically titled “California Dreamin’.” Barry had actually texted a few times, but quite honestly he had no desire to renew that relationship, so it would be nice to have lunch with someone he knew. He liked Javi a lot and the fact that he was Kurt’s boyfriend no longer bothered him. His journey through counseling and then meeting Jeff were things that had helped him overcome that whatever it was during the holidays. The whatever that had lead him to counseling in the first place.
Javi was already seated when Blaine made his way around the tables and other customers. The waitress was waiting patiently for his autograph and then a selfie. Autograph seekers and selfies were the norm when you were with Javi in public even though he wasn’t as well known in the US as he was south of the border. As Blaine approached the booth, he thought, maybe that’ll be me someday!
The poor girl was so flustered, she could barely take their order. Javi had asked if Blaine had a favorite restaurant, but that was just another something low on his list of priorities these days, so they settled on Chinese, Blaine’s favorite cuisine. After Javi thanked Sarina again for her interest in his career and after Sarina had carefully read their order back to them, Javi had given her that megawatt smile. Blaine hid his own smile. He was pretty sure their order would arrive within seconds.
Javi turned his attention to Blaine, asking how the audition had gone and if he thought it was something he was really interested in to which Blaine replied, “Does it matter how interesting it is at this point? I need all the experience I can get!” Javi nodded as he took a sip of water, “True! But it’s always nice to actually enjoy what you’re doing in your climb to the top.”
Was now the time…or even the right person? Receiving that text last night for whatever reason had brought “the dream” to mind again and it simply would not let go. Blaine had long wanted to talk to someone close to the situation about “the dream,” but for obvious reasons had not said anything to Kurt. If he ever did, he wanted it to be in person, not in a text or a phone call. He’d gone back and forth as to whether or not he should bring it up with Javi because he too was in the dream. Could he shed some light on it at all?
After their order arrived and Javi said his usual brief prayer, he looked up to find Blaine watching him with a thoughtful look on his face as if he wasn’t quite certain of something. “You want to talk about whatever’s on your mind, Blaine?” Blaine’s mind reconnected with his body, his moo goo gai pan in front of him, the din of a busy restaurant surrounding him once again, “Yeah, sort of, but I don’t want you to think I’m invading your relationship with Kurt….or asking questions you don’t feel comfortable answering….um…” Javi smiled again, “If I don’t want to answer a question I’ll certainly let you know. I have no problem with speaking my mind.” Blaine was pretty sure that was a complete truth. “Well, I’ve been having this….dream….sort of. You’re in it and Kurt, too. And somebody else I don’t know…or at least I don’t think I do. It comes and goes….sometimes I’ll go a month without having it…and sometimes what I think are minor details change, but….I was wondering if maybe you could…what you think about…or maybe I just need to tell someone who’s actually in the dream….I don’t know. I’ve talked with my old counselor in New York about it, but my new counselor I haven’t seen enough to get to that point…”
Javi put his fork down, his mind alert. For better or worse, Kurt and Blaine would probably always have some connection to each other, even in their dreams. It came as no surprise to Javi and it didn’t even bother him really, but he was curious. Kurt hadn’t mentioned his dream in a long time and Javi had sort of forgotten about it until now. “Well, if you want to tell me about it, I’ll be glad to listen. But I’m pretty sure you already know that I won’t talk about Kurt with you in a way that would invade his privacy.”
Blaine nodded his head slightly and took a deep breath, “It sounds so silly but I guess that’s true of most dreams. When I first started having the dream everything was very nebulous. More symbolism I think than anything and then slowly details started to take shape. It started out with what I think was a lot of regret….over how I’d treated Kurt….things I’ll always wish…..um I’d done differently. It sort of felt like an echo….god, this sounds so stupid,” He took another breath, “Maybe we should just forget this… “No, Blaine, please I’m really interested. I’m not upset….I’m not going to get upset…and dreams?…well, sometimes they are pretty stupid…so go on.”
“Okay…um and…then the echoy thing turned into what sounded like a lullaby. I don’t know a lot of Spanish, but it sounded like it was being sung in Spanish. And then….it felt like a jigsaw puzzle….first, Kurt appeared….then you…and then, someone else. I’m pretty sure it’s a guy but I never see his face….there’s just this very masculine vibe, ya know? Most of the time, you and Kurt are on one side of a room….I don’t even know what kind of room or where it might be….I’m on the other side alone and this person is standing between us. Usually, Kurt is standing behind you, not always…but it’s…..like, well, like you’re protecting him? From that guy? From me? I’m usually standing there with a thoroughly confused look on my face. And at first it seemed like Chinese symbols were floating all over…but then they turned into colored glass shards in kind of a…..little dust storm? blowing around us.”
The look on Javi’s face was not one of confusion, it was one of shock that he was trying desperately to hide. They were both having, or had had recurring dreams that were similar. He didn’t have to wonder who “the guy” was. But just like Kurt’s version, the cast of characters was the same and there was that theme of Kurt needing to be protected….again.
Javi cleared his throat, “How long have you been dreaming like this, Blaine? Have you talked to Kurt about it?” Blaine closed his eyes briefly, “Probably since the time I saw you and Kurt at Thanksgiving last year. It’s not a nightmare or anything, but….when Kurt and I were toget….anyway, we sometimes had related ? dreams, not a lot, but…..it was just there…and we accepted it as part of….And no I haven’t said anything to him.” Why was he having such a hard time with this? It wasn’t like either of them wanted to renew their relationship and in the times he’d talked to Javi about Kurt and Blaine’s past Javi always put him at ease, just like he was doing right now, until he asked, “Blaine, do you still have feelings for Kurt?” It was a question that begged an answer in the setting of this conversation or so Javi thought. “No!….I honestly don’t. If I did do you really think I’d be talking to you about this at all? I mean he’ll always be part of my life in some way…but I’m in love with Jeff….we….he’s everything I want…. We’re trying to build a life together, so no….what I feel for Kurt is only….it’s probably what you still feel for….I’m sorry, I don’t remember his name, but your past partner.”
Should he tell him that he was almost positive the person he didn’t know in the dream was in fact his past partner? His very protective past partner? The man who backed down from nothing? Would it help him at all or just make it more confusing? He decided for the time being to say nothing about Tonio, at least not until he’d talked to Kurt. Was he still having these kinds of dreams and not telling him? He knew Kurt hated worrying him.
It hadn’t escaped Javi’s attention that Kurt had been restless lately. Of course, he knew all about the pad of paper he kept to write down ideas or thoughts if he happened to wake up with them, but was he still struggling with that dream, too? He’d just assumed….but then Kurt didn’t know Javi was always half awakened every time Kurt’s sleep was disturbed. Most of the time he’d fall back asleep with Kurt’s arm around him, spooning him, as he too succumbed to sleep once more. Although he hated the thought of Kurt being awakened in the middle of the night for any reason, that dream that sometimes brought tears with it disturbed him. Having your excitement about your present and future destiny awaken you was one thing….that dream quite another. He knew Kurt believed he was fast asleep when he whispered those cherished words, “I love you, Javier Ramos Ruiz” then snuggled into Javi’s body allowing sleep to take him under once more.
“Well, I certainly can’t tell you what the dream means. Of course, I’d be protective if I thought Kurt was in danger of any kind, although I avoid physical confrontation if I can. Do any of us say anything or….do you remember expressions on our faces….well, besides yours?” Blaine thought for awhile. “Not that I recall. I guess I sensed a sort of determined?….demeanor from you. And the guy in between all of us was upset? angry? Well, not happy for sure. And wherever we were I don’t remember the room feeling familiar. But at least you brought up some things that maybe I can try to take notice of when I have the dream again. That sounds crazy, I know, but sometimes it actually works.”
From there, the conversation drifted to their natural inclination to talk about music and acting and how he and Jeff liked LA so far. “I hope I didn’t upset you with all the talk about dreams…and stuff..” Blaine said as they walked to their cars. “Actually, I’m glad you said something, Blaine. But….before you say anything to Kurt, do you mind if I talk to him first?….”
Javi….I….I don’t even know if it’s worth bothering….him….you….and I’d never tell him unless it was face to face….no….I’ve already caused enough damage….” Javi took Blaine gently by the shoulders, “Blaine….you know he forgave you months ago…stop carrying the past into your present….I can’t do anything about the dreams….uh I mean…your dream…but you have Jeff…and your counselor….and people out here who already care about you…it’s a new life, a new day…and it’s going to be okay.” Javi told him he’d be in touch just like he always did and Blaine left him in the parking lot feeling a bit better. However, he hadn’t missed what might have been nothing but seemed like a slip of the tongue…because Javi had quickly corrected himself. What had he meant by “the dreams” and “your dream”? What was the difference?
After they parted, Javi automatically checked the time on his phone. He still had about an hour and a half until his next meeting, so he headed to his office for some downtime. He needed to put all the talk about dreams in the dreamcatcher of his own mind. The ability to compartmentalize was one of his better attributes. He may not be a glowing example of a multitasker, but the two seemed to balance themselves out. He could have taken a nap or gone over some paperwork that needed his attention, but talking about Kurt in the setting of that dream, protective, caring….he adored being all those things for his lover.
He chuckled to himself and sent Kurt a text, “Have some time to come out and play? Mi mama just left lover boy. 😇 😈 Kurt interrupted Adam as the phone vibrated on the table, “it’s Javi, let me just check it.” When he looked down at the message, he burst out laughing. He showed the phone to Adam and said, “this is what I’m talking about!” Adam briefly glanced at the message and his freckled face turned an even deeper shade of red. “Um….phone sex? He stopped in the middle of the day for phone sex? I thought you said he was busy in LA!” Kurt was still laughing, “Oh, it’s not just phone sex, Adam! You have noooo idea. And he is busy! But he probably found a little free time….and much as I love your sparkling conversational skills, I think this might take precedence? Can I ask him to give me a half an hour?” Adam looked bewildered, “Why are you asking me….I mean it’s your deci…..he’s not asking me for whatever you call this….geez did you really have to show me that? I said I wanted to improve my relationship not become a part of yours!” “Not up for a threesome huh?” Kurt chuckled and typed back, “Give me 1/2 hour got company” 😺 😽 😈, then for good measure showed it to Adam again.
“Si but you know how Mr. Ruiz hates to be kept waiting,” Javi responded, referring to a fantasy they’d played out many times, he as Mr. Ruiz the teacher and Kurt as Mr. Hummel the student. Company, huh? Kurt had mentioned having Adam over sometime this week but hadn’t said exactly when. He could just see the two of them. Either Kurt was all red-faced because of the text and Adam was giving him the third degree OR Adam was all red-faced because Kurt had adopted his wickedly playful side and showed it to him before he could ask! Hilarious!
“Okay, we have about 15 minutes to talk and then you have to go. I have a date!” He was having way too much fun at Adam’s expense. Adam looked at him sideways and ventured….”so how often does this kind of thing….happen…is this a special occasion you didn’t tell me about?” Kurt was fighting so hard to contain his amusement, “Probably once a week give or take, I guess, I don’t keep a record….oh! well that’s not true! Actually I do keep a record! We both do! We keep notebooks.” “Say what???? You keep notebooks about your sex life? So, later today you’ll be writing about today’s…encounter in your notebook.” He said it as a statement as if this was just too weird to believe. “Well, and he will, too…Why?”
Adam looked baffled and embarrassed, “Adam, this, THIS! is what I’m talking about! When was the last time you or Ethan texted each other for an afternoon rendezvous of any kind?” Adam thought for a moment, “Never….I mean we’re usually busy with work or you know the day to day stuff that everybody has..we go to lunch once in awhile….” “Okay, would you be happy if Ethan texted you tomorrow afternoon and asked if you’d like to come out and play? If you’d like to skip lunch and just have dessert? “Yeah, I guess so, of course!” “Do you think Ethan might like the same thing to happen to him?” “Yeah, sure, but….who has time….” “No, Adam, it’s not who has time, it’s who makes time! This is just one of the things we’ll be talking about so if you’re interested be prepared for some honest discussions.”
Adam still couldn’t believe what he was hearing, Kurt Hummel, his best friend, the guy who never talked about sex, who never once that he could remember kissed Blaine in front of him or anyone else but now seemed to have no trouble kissing Javi in public, this almost stranger. Adam was barely over the shock of Kurt with nipple rings! And did he really say a threesome? Was he serious??? And all he could think about was how he could get the image of this afternoon out of his brain. Kurt and Javi having phone sex and whatever it was he had nooooo idea about. The world had suddenly been turned on its head. What were they getting themselves into???
Before Adam could stop himself he said “and the cute emojis???? Do they mean somet……no, NO! Don’t answer that, I don’t wanna know.” Oh you do too wanna know and even if you don’t….well Adam this is just toooo much fun. Finally I can get back at you for all those times you…..YES! Anyway, the emo…” “No, dammit it….just….” “The angel is me, of course,” he continued, using a finger to draw an imaginary halo around his head, “and the devil is Javi….it goes back to something in the beginning of our relationship, but we decided to get tattoos….my angel is….” Kurt leaned over to pull the waistband of his shorts down….”here.” There on his upper butt cheek was the face of an angel, just like the emoji. Adam was busy looking away and shaking his head at the same time. “Adam, look!!! Do you like it????” “Shut up, Kurt! Just stop….goddd…” Oh, plleeeasssee, it’s not like you haven’t seen my buns of steel before….And Javi has a devil tattooed in the same place. It’s really cute, too!” He added for good measure.”
Okay, I’m done,” Adam got up, “You’ve had your fun….I’ll get back with you later about the…the rest…with me and Ethan….” then turning towards Kurt, appearing totally baffled, “You weren’t serious about the whole threesome…thing…right?” Kurt shrugged his shoulder and nonchalantly said, “I don’t know, was I, Adam? And just think if I was! With both you AND Ethan we could make it a…” “I’m gone, Kurt! I can’t hear you!” Adam was gone before Kurt could even say see ya later. Somewhere in the back of his mind Kurt knew he’d have to put that whole conversation to right with Adam…the threesome?…the foursome? That was taking their “exploration” too far. He didn’t want to scare Adam off…..but ohmigod! That had been a blast!
It took the remaining 15 minutes to bring his laughter under control enough to call Javito back! He could hardly wait until he got home! He didn’t know what would be more fun today, their rendezvous or revealing the conversation he’d just had with Adam!
