CHAPTERS 1 – 10 EVERYTHING CHANGED (TODO CAMBIO)

CHAPTERS 1-10 EVERYTHING CHANGED (TODO CAMBIO)

Just some background.  Camila is a real group.  I have renamed them Mateo for the purposes of this story. The members have been renamed Javier Ramos Ruiz or Javi, one of the main characters. Their pianist has been renamed Antonio and their guitarist has been renamed Rodrigo. All are successful recording artists and songwriters.  I discovered Camila listening to this Klaine video that featured the song, Besame (Kiss Me), in the background. 

For more info about Samo:

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/SamoOficial

GOOGLE WIKI: https://g.co/kgs/XwvdRa

OR CHECK OUT: KLAINE BASED FAN FICTION – KLAINE BASED FAN FICTION (klaine-based-fan-fiction.com) HOME PAGE.

For more info about Camila:

GOOGLE WIKI: https://g.co/kgs/2rqBhX

https://www.facebook.com/Camilamusic

CAMILA ON FACEBOOK:

https://www.facebook.com/Camilamusic

CHAPTER 1 – STEP ONE

“Mmmm….I don’t know,” Kurt said, shrugging a shoulder and making a face, “The last time we did that it really didn’t go well….”

“Kurt, we’ve discussed this like a million times!” Adam answered hands on hips, rolling his eyes, “It’s one of the reasons we moved here, remember?  We both wanted to start somewhere fresh and not just because of Blaine and Barry.  We were tired of the horrendous winters and hustle of New York.  We wanted somewhere warm and gay friendly, Kurt!  Remember, gay friendly??  You do remember getting beat up and landing in the hospital, right?  And if you don’t remember, well, I remember when it happened to me!”

“I know, I know, but we’ve only been here a couple months…I just need some more time, I guess…,” he said while trying to look anywhere but at Adam.  He knew Adam was right.  They had transferred from NYADA to the Theatre Arts School of San Diego for every single reason Adam had given…every single one.  If it weren’t for Adam, he never would have made it through the final breakup with Blaine; that horrible, horrible pain all over again.  

When he met Adam they made a half-hearted attempt at a romantic relationship, but both of them were on the rebound and after living for a year as roommates, a true friendship is where they had landed. They shared a common interest in singing and dancing.  Kurt had joined Adam’s theatre group at NYADA, Adam’s Apples, as a way to take his mind off Blaine. But Adam seemed to be getting over Barry far better than Kurt was getting over Blaine.  He had invested five years of his life in Blaine, his first love…the one who he thought would be his last love, his forever love, and then Blaine had cheated again!  It still made Kurt feel sick to think about it.  

“Kurt….Kurt!  Wake up!”, Adam said snapping his fingers, “We’re in San Diego, not New York, and certainly not Lima, Ohio!  We’re going out tonight….to a bar, Kurt…a gay bar!  No one says you have to do anything but get comfortable again with being social.  Look, I know you’re not into one-night stands, okay?  Just, please, let’s go out and try to have some fun!” and then he softened his voice and sighed.  “You know, Blaine and Barry aren’t sitting around missing us.  Hell, they don’t even know or care that we’ve moved a whole continent away.  It’s time to move on…”

And even though all Kurt could think was “but to where? to whom?,” he didn’t have to ask himself why.  Blaine was the only one he had ever been intimate with…EVER!  He and Adam had not even come close.  Kissing and holding each other had always turned into depressing, weepy sessions over Blaine and Barry.  God!  Even their names sounded like they belonged together.  Yes, Blaine and Barry, they were certainly together, he thought, still bitter.  Adam was right, he knew he was, it was time…it was past time!  Here they were in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and he was still moping around their apartment.  Even he was tired of himself. 

Chapter 2 – BUTTONS

“I’m almost ready, just give me 5 more minutes, okay?” if he was going to do this, he was going to do it right…whatever that looked like these days.  What looked right for a gay bar when you weren’t even looking for a one-nighter or long-term or not really looking at all.  Long-term in a gay bar?  Now there’s an oxymoron, he thought.  Oh, well, it’ll make Adam happy for a while, he hoped.  He took one last look in the mirror.  His blue shirt worked well with the scarf, just the right amount of green and blue.  The jeans?  They’d do, not too loose he thought, as the little voice in his head said, who cares? You’re not looking right???  And the hair?  Well, it never looked like he wanted it to; he couldn’t remember what a good hair day looked like, but the highlights were fresh.  He kept buttoning and unbuttoning the third button on his shirt, then realized what he was doing.  “Kurt, you are pathetic!” but he still buttoned the third button anyway.  So okay, it’s understated, doesn’t scream, “Come hither!”, but then he really wasn’t hoping for any come hithering anyway.  Let’s just get it over with.

“So!  Where do the two newest and hottest men in town want to go?  Do we want loud, proud, crowded and over the top ooorrrrr do we want fun but reasonably quiet and laid back? Ha! Laid back?  Get it?” Adam smiled and threw his arms up as if to say, “Yes! Some fun at last!”  Kurt just rolled his eyes and sighed.

“Are there any other choices?” Kurt said with a half-smile.  “Come on, we’ll surprise ourselves, okay?” Adam smiled as he wrapped his arm around Kurt’s shoulders and said, “It’s got to be better than another night in this place watching TV and contemplating homework.  There’s a place just a few blocks from here I’ve heard about.  “If one of us gets lucky,” he said, then looked at Kurt’s questioning face. “Okay!  If I…if I, me, myself, gets lucky then you won’t have to find a way home, you can just walk home.”  Kurt nodded, it sounded good to him, because home is exactly where he planned on spending the rest of the night after gay bar disaster #2.

As they walked, Kurt had to admit that so far he loved San Diego.  Surprisingly, neither of them missed New York.  Kurt had loved it after moving from Ohio.  It had a sense of excitement and freedom like no other city.  But that was when he and Blaine were together, in love, planning their wedding.  Now? New York just reminded him of all he’d lost and didn’t think he’d ever have again.  The change was good so far.  The weather, the school, the ocean and people seemed so easy going…definitely not New York.

Okay, Kurt chided himself, I’ve got to give this whole reentering the social scene a chance and I have to start somewhere.  Even if he wasn’t looking for love, he could at least try to make some friends, other than Adam.  Blaine was his past and for him there was no going back.  Learning to trust again was going to be hard, but he couldn’t stop living life at 22.  He was only hurting himself and he knew it.  So, he put on what he hoped was a brave face as they turned the corner to go to the place Adam had heard about.  As Adam opened the door, Kurt took a deep breath and followed him inside.

CHAPTER 3 – VOICES IN MY HEAD

Well, it certainly wasn’t Scandals in Lima and that was a plus!  It was still a bit early for night life to begin and that was fine with him.  It gave him a chance to take it all in before what was probably the usual Friday night crowd arrived.  He wasn’t ready to be rushed…well, he was Kurt, he was NEVER ready to be rushed.  He looked at Adam and before he had a chance to say a thing, Adam grabbed him by the elbow and guided him to a table that wasn’t in the middle of what would probably be the action but wasn’t off in a dark corner either.  Before he even had a chance to take it all in, Adam asked what he wanted to drink.  “Geez, Adam!,” he sort of laughed, “You don’t have to get me drunk early so I’m not able to walk out before the party starts!”  He told him a vodka cranberry would be fine.

It was called The Rafters.  He looked up and wondered where the name came from, no rafters here.  There were a few guys at tables around them, and all appeared to be together, as in couples together.  He walked over to the jukebox.  Wow! A great selection for dancing, not that he planned on dancing.  And the bartenders were certainly hot, not that he really cared.  He liked the atmosphere; the kind of place that could change its mood with lighting from hoppin’ to romantic, not that he was really interested in either, especially romantic.  What are you doing, Kurt?  You’re sabotaging yourself!  You’re setting the night up for failure again!  

Damn that voice!  It was always right.  Adam arrived with their drinks and, once again, Kurt resolved to give this night at least a fighting chance.  Friends, I’m looking for friends.  He took a sip of his drink at the same time that Adam did. They both choked and then started laughing.  “I see I don’t have to try to get you drunk, the bartenders do all the work for me! And speaking of bartenders, woah!  I don’t s’pose I’d get THAT lucky tonight!”  Kurt just smiled and nodded.  They reminded him of the guy who played Santa back in New York and totally robbed their apartment after getting them all drunk.  It was funny now, but it sure wasn’t then.

It wasn’t long before The Rafters was almost filled to the rafters that they didn’t even have.  And it didn’t take Adam any time at all to find his niche with a group of guys talking music.  Kurt hung with them for a while, making small talk, but keeping his vibes to himself. Oh, he knew he had them, but, not tonight, just no, not tonight. As he nursed his third drink, the group started pairing off, more or less, and doing his best to make himself invisible, he wandered over to the bar and grabbed a seat.  Oh, he knew some of them had been interested, but not what he was looking for or so he told himself.  As the night wore on, he chatted with the bartenders when they weren’t busy, wandered over to the jukebox and picked out a few tunes, but did his best to avoid eye contact.

He had to admit, it was a fun place!  No one was pushy or too loud.  Everybody seemed to be having a good time and even though he wasn’t exactly putting himself out there, he was glad he’d come.  He knew it was getting somewhere towards midnight when the lights started to dim.  He knew the bars closed at 2 a.m. and he knew exactly why they were dimming the lights.  But, he was having fun, just listening to the music and being around a bunch of guys again felt nice, he had to admit.  So, after considering the door, he decided to stay a bit longer.  It was a start.  Of what he wasn’t sure but the loneliness of their apartment wasn’t really beckoning him home.

CHAPTER 4 – FRIEND OR FOE

“Hey, Kurt,” Adam said as he wandered up to the bar, “looks like you’ll have the place all to yourself tonight.  I’m heading out with Ethan,” he nodded toward a tall guy with blonde hair standing toward the door.  “Are you gonna be okay, man?” he said, looking around to see if Kurt had company.

“Of course, I’ll be okay!  I don’t need a babysitter anymore, Adam, but thanks for getting me to come with you.  I’ve really enjoyed myself, believe it or not, and I know you don’t, but you’re not me, so go have fun and I’ll see ya when I see ya.”  Adam smiled, said thanks and he was gone.

It WAS nice just sitting here, listening to the music and gay watching, he smiled at that.  He’d turned toward the dance floor, just for somewhere else to do his “gay watching.”  He’d have one more drink and then head home, and yes, now it was really starting to feel like home.  He was so absorbed in his own thoughts he didn’t even notice that someone had taken a seat next to him at the bar until the scent of an expensive cologne interrupted his thoughts.  After his internship at Vogue.com he was pretty sure the scent was Christian Dior Sauvage.  Hmmm, no, I’m not turning around, tiny warning bells in his head reminded him.  But, then he heard someone order a drink in what was probably Spanish and heard a delightful laugh.  Still, he didn’t turn around.  Nope! Not going there, no way.

However, the bartender made the decision for him.  “Kurt! Do you know Javier? He’s an honorary citizen of San Diego.  You might have heard his music, since you’re going to school for drama here.”

Kurt was polite if he was nothing else.  He turned around and didn’t know quite what to say…or do.  He swallowed and managed to reach for the man’s hand saying, “Um, no habla espanol? Lo siento,” which was about the extent of his Spanish.  Javier just smiled and switched to English.  As he introduced himself and described how his name was Javier with a soft J, “I go by Javi,” Kurt tried not to stare.  He took a quick sip of his drink and tried to compose himself.

Javi was wearing a black leather jacket with rhinestones on the lapels, open, with a black fishnet top revealing the chest of a man who knew how to work out.  He had on tight black leather pants, black boots with silver spangled laces and a soft pink-tinged hat with a wide brim over curls that fell to one side of his face almost hiding one eye.  He had been wearing sunglasses but had removed them since the bar lighting was so dim.  He wore a diamond stud in each ear.  

Kurt’s first thought was, “This man knows how to dress, love the hat…I haven’t worn a hat in years…”  His second thought was, “that skin, it reminds me of Blaine..soft brown…” from Blaine’s own Spanish and Filipino ancestors.  Then, that voice in his head, that damned voice that was always right shouted, “No! No! No! Forget Blaine, forget New York!  This is San Diego, your new home, and this is Javi!”  And Kurt agreed reluctantly that it was time to move forward.  Whatever Javi would or wouldn’t be in his life, tonight was tonight and he was tired of being alone.  Perhaps this was the start of a new friendship…perhaps.

CHAPTER 5  JAVI/JAVIER RAMOS RUIZ

The Rafters was Javi’s home turf when he was in town.  He truly was an honorary citizen of San Diego.  When he’d left Mateo and started his solo career 7 years ago, he’d based himself out of Mexico City and LA.  He recorded in both places and usually spent half the year in Mexico City and the other half in LA, depending on his recording and performance schedules.  He’d moved to San Diego 4 years earlier having grown weary of LA’s fast pace and traffic.  He had enough of that in Mexico City and San Diego was close enough to LA.  He could take care of business there and be back in San Diego sometimes within the same day.  The Rafters always felt like the neighborhood gay bar and, in fact, it was as many of the residents in this area of town were gay.

San Diego had provided him with a place to be himself, completely himself.  He wasn’t totally out anywhere, but definitely not in Mexico.  As much as he wished it were different, even in Mexico City wearing your true gay colors could be dangerous.  Most people there just looked the other way, but not all.  He had to be very discreet in Mexico.  His whole family still lived in Quintana Roo and even though the laws concerning LGBTQ people were basically the same as in the US, that didn’t mean much when your whole family had basically disowned you just for singing music that wasn’t church related.  He’d grown up in church singing in his father’s choir.  His moving to Mexico City was upsetting enough to them, but when Mateo started making it big as a pop group, not one of them would come to their concerts.  No one.  If that wasn’t disgrace enough for them, his coming out as gay would destroy them.  

In the US?  Well, he was halfway out if there was such a thing.  He still had to maintain a facade in some situations to protect his reputation in Mexico.  For the most part he avoided gay bars and gay activities if for no other reason than that the world was smaller than even 17 years ago when he’d gone to seek his fortune in the City.  Being a celebrity and coming out completely could cost him his career, but at the same time being a celebrity also provided him with gay companionship.  He had no problems hooking up.  But he was tired of one-night stands and false friendships, very tired.  Here he was almost 35 and he’d had only one long-term relationship.  When Antonio had died unexpectedly 8 years ago….well, it left a hole in his heart that he’d never been able to fill.  

His move to San Diego had given him a bit of his life back.  The Rafters was a safe place for him.  Everyone knew him and most knew about Tonio.  Here, he could be Javier Ramos Ruiz, the guy next door, and not just Javi, the singer, entertainer and celebrity.  Here he could live a somewhat quiet life.  It gave him needed breaks from the sometimes exhausting tours and recording.  Sometimes, he’d play in some of the clubs and bars in town just for fun.  Most of the time lately it seemed that’s all he really wanted, peace and a genuine relationship…another Antonio.  No! Not another Tonio.  No one could be Tonio; no one should be expected to live up to the ghost of Tonio  He needed a fresh start, but as yet that person hadn’t arrived.  

He’d noticed Kurt when he’d walked through the door after his eyes adjusted to the dim lights.  He could only see him from the side, but his body language spoke volumes.  He looked somewhat relaxed, but he had his guard up nonetheless. He was young, but there was something about him that spoke of a person with an aura beyond his years.  Javi didn’t see anyone he knew and he had to go up the bar anyway to get a drink.  If nothing else, it might be an interesting conversation, but only if he could draw him out of the shell he was trying so hard to protect himself with…and introductions wouldn’t be too awkward, he knew the bartender.

CHAPTER 6 – LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF

Javi shook Kurt’s hand slowly and said with a half-smile that revealed the dimple on the left, “Why, hello, Kurt!  So you’re going to TAS, what year?  Kurt looked a bit confused and said, “TAS?”  “Oh, you ARE new here.  It’s what the locals call the Theatre Arts School.” 

“Oh! third year.  Just moved here from New York with a friend.”  Javi raised one eyebrow slightly and Kurt realized what he’d said and might have implied.  “Oh, no, no!” Kurt laughed nervously, “We’re just roommates and friends.  We went to NYADA together in New York.”

“Ahhh, NYADA!  I’ve heard you need lots of talent to get into school there.  I’m impressed!  So, you left NYADA to come to San Diego?” Javi questioned.  Then he realized what he’d implied, that Kurt needed to explain himself.  This time he laughed nervously.  “I didn’t mean it to sound like that.  Let’s try this again, okay?  Hi, Kurt, I’m Javi.  Nice to meet you.  How do you like San Diego so far?”  He tried to keep the innocuous questions coming and as he listened, he did what he did best…observed.  Yes, Kurt was one of the most striking men he’d ever met, not just his looks, but his mannerisms, the way he expressed himself; he had that “it” that people were always talking about.  What he found interesting and rather cute was the way he kept playing with the third button on his shirt – and no doubt, blue was his color!  He’d never seen eyes that changed colors with the slightest movement.  

The conversation finally seemed on safe footing, neither knowing that the other was healing from the pain of broken relationships.  Maybe not broken for the same reasons, but broken nonetheless.  And neither wanted to start whatever relationship they may or may not have discussing that.  Neither were looking for a one-night stand either.  But they didn’t know that about each other yet.  Javi knew one thing; Kurt was nervous, and it didn’t take him long to figure out he’d have to take the lead.  If either of them wanted this to go beyond small talk in a gay bar, he would have to move slowly.  Honestly, he didn’t know what he wanted, but Kurt seemed like a nice person, not to mention a hotter than hot young man.  And that might be one of the things they’d have to talk about sooner rather than later, their age difference whatever that might be.  But for now, Kurt was good company.  He was funny and rather adorable actually.  And then suddenly it was last call….they’d been talking for 2 hours!  And though neither knew this either, they were both thinking, “What next?”

CHAPTER 7 – COFFEE AND CONVERSATION

Kurt could not believe it was so late.  He’d been babbling on for a couple hours, but this guy seemed so interested in him, not just in what he looked like or in what may or may not happen “later.”  This was certainly not his typical gay bar experience.  He didn’t feel like Javi was just trying to pick him up for the night.  He had asked him question after question and really listened.  Kurt was embarrassed.  He felt like he’d been inconsiderate and he apologized.  “I’m reaaalllyy sorry about going on and on like that.”  

“And why feel like that, Kurt?  I was the one asking all the questions…besides you’re an extremely interesting person!  You love the arts!  We have much more in common than you may think, so would you like to go get some coffee?  I promise, I’ll let you ask all the questions!” he laughed.  

Kurt considered that.  He had nothing to go home to and had no plans for tomorrow.  So why not???  He could stay up all night if he wanted to.  He didn’t have to work this weekend.  It was rather nice to have a conversation with someone other than Adam.  And even in what he thought of as his babbling, he had been observing Javi, too.  There was no doubt that part of his appeal as an entertainer was his looks.  He wasn’t a classically handsome guy, which was what made his sex appeal even more obvious in its subtlety, if that made sense.  He had that tawny skin (that he obviously took care of, thought the Lima Kurt) and deep brown eyes that a person could literally fall into if they let themselves.  And much as he didn’t want to even think about this, he had a way of lowering those eyes and looking right at him sending a jolt through his entire body.  No!  Not ready for that…not yet!  Not ever???  Didn’t matter, it was there whether he was ready or not.  His smile was truly radiant and he seemed so at ease with himself.  He had just enough of a Latinx accent…..He needed to stop this!  He’d only known this guy for a couple hours!  Kurt knew he was older, but that was a topic for another time. Wait!  He had to stop thinking like that – a later time??  Already planning the future???  Okay, enough already!

He took the plunge, “Sure, why not?  You know the neighborhood better than I do, right?”  

Okay, my friend!  Let’s go.  And I promise I’ll answer all of your questions…within reason.” And he laughed again…that laugh and that smile that Kurt was becoming slightly enamored of.

Chapter 8 AGE IS JUST A NUMBER

If nothing else, he was getting to know the neighborhood, his neighborhood.  About four blocks from The Rafters was an all-night diner/coffee shop called After the Bars Close.  He smiled at that, then looked at Javi and said, “Well, it’s appropriately named!”  Javi told him they had the best coffee in town, night or day.  “You can’t be a Latinx and not love your coffee; pretty sure it’s against the law somewhere!”  

As they took a seat, Kurt was taking in the ambience.  Actually, he didn’t know an all-night diner could have ambience, but this one did.  There were quite a few couples there, but it wasn’t noisy.  The acoustics were good, apparently.  The few women there were in groups with other gay men.  One thing he’d noticed about the San Diego gay community or at least the part of it he lived in.  Gays and lesbians generally lived in different areas for a variety of reasons.  But he moved here for “gay friendly” and so far his wish had been granted.  

After the waiter took their order, Kurt tried not to think about how Blaine had known his coffee order practically from the day they met.  After they broke up, he’d even changed his coffee order so he wouldn’t think about it.  Now, that was soooo very pathetic.  He pushed the thought away and turned to look at Javi.

“Wow! You like your coffee strong!  How do you sleep at night?”  Javi just gave him a soft smile and said, “When you’re on the road as much as I am sometimes strong coffee isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity!  And I’ve been drinking it practically from the day I was born….no really!  We start drinking coffee very young in Mexico.  Kurt just shook his head while thinking, “Okay, let’s get past the mundane.  He said I could ask him anything and he didn’t think sticking to their choice of drinks would lend itself to the “getting to know you, Javi” that he really wanted, even though he was still scared to death.  Switching to the weather wasn’t going to make it either.

He took a deep breath and decided to start with some questions about growing up in Quintana Roo and some of the differences between living in Mexico as opposed to the US.  But what he was really interested in was what it was like to be a celebrity, more specifically a popular gay singer who travelled the world.  Kurt wasn’t exactly sure what direction he wanted to go once he graduated, but here was a chance to find out at least one facet of what might be his future.

As Javi spoke of his profession, what he loved, what he didn’t love and why he decided that’s what he wanted to do with his life, Kurt couldn’t believe how fascinated he was with this man, but then Javi actually stopped and asked Kurt what he thought of this or that.  This guy was either really trying or he truly cared about Kurt’s thoughts and opinions.  Kurt gave him a few short answers, but he really just wanted Javi to keep talking.  It wasn’t just the subject that he was fascinated with either and, yes, it was scary, but a delicious sort of scary….which made it even more frightening.  Oh, he was listening all right, but he could not possibly escape watching him.  He didn’t just speak, he spoke expressively, with his entire body.  Just watching him was almost…intoxicating?  No, he didn’t just think that…he didn’t want intoxicating…well, he didn’t WANT to want intoxicating.  He wanted…he wanted what?  Get your head back in the conversation….

“Yeah, I had a great thing going with Mateo for 7 years, but that’s a subject for another time.  Long, long story.  You asked about solo, gay, travel. Did I answer your questions?”

“Yes, and it sounds nothing like what we think celebrity life is like, am I right?  It sounds kind of like any other job at times, but with less sleep, and more “friends”, he put in air quotes, “than any person ever really wants.  How long have you been doing this anyway?” maybe not as subtle as he would have liked, but Javi was one of those people that looked ageless.

“Some days too long, others never long enough,” he sort of laughed and sighed at the same time, “but I moved to Mexico City when I was 18 and I’m almost 35, so quite a long time, I guess.”  Good!  Javi was so glad that question was out there and he was glad it was Kurt who had initiated it in his not quite nuanced way.  “And you, my amigo, cual es tu edad?” He slipped into Spanish hoping to make the moment a bit lighter, “What is your age?”, he repeated in English.  “22, I’m 22, I’ll be 23 this year.”  So there it was, one of THE questions that could end or at least define any relationship.

CHAPTER 9 –  LET’S SLEEP ON IT

Well, it was an all-night diner, but they had talked until the sun was starting to come up.  How did that happen?  Actually, Kurt should have been thinking “why did that happen?”  But there was no doubt he liked this guy.  Why ask himself stupid questions?  He’d forgotten how much coffee he’d drank, but he was glad he’d chosen decaf.  He laughed inwardly; his coffee may have been decaf, but his body felt totally caffeinated, alert, occasional trouble breathing, skipped heart beats.  Geez! Here I am comparing Javi to coffee?  Well, no, actually he was describing his body’s response to Javi like drinking a whole pot of coffee.  This is ridiculous.  Sleep, I need sleep…but he really didn’t want to sleep…at all.  It was time to go.

During their hours of conversation Javi had told him a great deal about his neighborhood.  They lived maybe a half mile apart.  He told him what gyms were good, some locals to avoid and even some he might want to get to know better.  Better?  He didn’t know them to begin with!  So, as they strolled towards the loft he shared with Adam, they agreed they both needed some sleep.  

When they got to the building, Javi told him how much he had enjoyed their evening and into the morning.  He asked him if he’d like to come see him play at one of the local bars that night; Kurt decided he really did need some sleep, but would love to come see him perform some other time.  Javi leaned toward him and gave him a soft kiss on the right cheek, then explained that’s how men greeted each other in Mexico, always the right cheek.  Kurt really didn’t care which cheek he’d been kissed on.  That was their first physical contact and he thought he might feel that soft kiss for the rest of the day.  Javi waved, told him he’d text him and would see him again.  Kurt couldn’t believe he’d actually given a person he’d known for a handful of hours his cell number.  This was no gay bar hook-up.  He wasn’t sure what it really was yet, but so far it appeared to be nothing but good.  As he watched Javi quietly saunter down the sidewalk, he couldn’t help but notice his hips in those tight, tight, tight…okay, enough tights, Kurt! Stop it! leather pants and his easy stride.

As he entered their building, he decided to take the stairs.  He needed that bit of time to gather his thoughts in case Adam was home, but he wasn’t surprised when he unlocked the door that Adam was nowhere in sight.  He had the whole place to himself and he collapsed on the couch going back over what had turned out to be probably the best night of his short time in California.  He was glad Adam had gotten “lucky,” but as far as he was concerned he was the lucky one.  He’d met someone interesting, not just someone interested in one thing in true gay bar fashion.  And he was totally infatuated with him and he knew it.  He also knew there was a big difference between infatuation and long-term relationships.  He liked everything about Javi and could only find more things to like, that was infatuation.  He knew better than to base whatever may come next on infatuation.  But, it felt damn good to feel this way about someone!

Javi was thinking, too, in the bit of time it took him to get home.  He knew exactly why Kurt had turned him down for tonight even if Kurt didn’t know it yet.  This happened almost every time he met someone new and it had ceased to bother him.  In fact, he found it rather funny after so many years.  Later, after Kurt actually did get some sleep, he’d wake up, probably eat something since they’d only had coffee, and then he’d think to Google him.  Sometimes this was a definite downside to being somewhat famous.  It was all out there on the net, whether it was true or not.  But one of the upsides was that whatever a person found, it always gave them something to talk about again….if there was an again.  Sometimes, there wasn’t.  He didn’t mind anymore.  If there wasn’t, that just told him that the relationship was probably not worth pursuing.  He was hoping, a lot, yes, a lot, a lot, that that wouldn’t be the case with Kurt.  He felt like they had gotten off to a great start at whatever this was.  He was hoping that Kurt’s Googling would lead him more towards his music and videos, but he knew natural curiosity would lead him to who knew what was out there today or a year ago that he didn’t even know about.  He already knew there could be so much more to whatever it was they might have, it seemed like years…what was he thinking, it HAD been years since he’d felt this way about anyone.  Yes, there would probably be some obstacles, what relationship didn’t have them?  Hopefully, the age difference really wouldn’t get in the way.  Hopefully, cultural differences wouldn’t either.  With some effort, he shut down his overactive and tired brain.  He didn’t need to look into the future and create problems that didn’t exist; today was definitely enough and he felt good about it.

CHAPTER 10 – GOOGLE

How could it be five o’clock already?  He’d kind of just passed out on the couch and he sort of remembered getting up and going to his room, but that was about it.  As he started to wake up, the night before slowly invaded his brain and as stupid as he felt lying there smiling, that’s what he was doing.  He yawned and checked his phone, nothing from Javi, but he didn’t really expect anything.  Adam had texted to let him know he was still with Ethan and not to expect him home tonight either.  No surprise there, apparently Adam’s “good luck” was still in force.  He really needed to eat something, but that could wait a few more minutes or so.  He was enjoying this basking in the feeling stuff.  Infatuation? Yes, but who cares at this point.  Not Kurt, not this time.  He was exquisitely tired of being Kurt the Careful, at least right now.

Okay, let’s go see what’s in the fridge.  Good!  Eggs, when in doubt, or without much else, make an omelet.  Suddenly, he was starving.  He searched for the onions, peppers, tomatoes, cheese and whatever else sounded good in an omelet, which right now was pretty much anything.  Once he’d created his culinary masterpiece, he covered it with a dollop of sour cream, sat in “his” chair and turned on some music.  There it was in his head, music!  Javi’s music!  He didn’t know but maybe five words in Spanish, yet he really wanted to find out what he sounded like.  Then, he felt a little guilty.  Here he could have listened to him live tonight, but said no, and now he was going to Google his music?  Oh, well, it’s the age of instant everything.  

He decided his phone was too small to watch a somewhat larger than life Javi, so he got out his laptop and hoped he didn’t spill any of his gourmet meal on it.  Well, finding him certainly didn’t take long.  “Javi Mexican singer” pretty much brought up everything and then some.  He thought for a minute.  His curiosity about what Javi had told him about his life and himself said check out the Wikis, the interviews, maybe some Mateo sites, but when he thought about it, Javi knew all that info was available online so why lie about it?  Besides, he wasn’t really very trusting of what was on the net when it came to truthful information.  Settled.  Let’s go to music and videos.  He could always check out the other stuff if he wanted to.

He didn’t know where to start. There were so many videos and at least 50 songs he could listen to, so he randomly dove into videos.  He found a group of individual videos from an MTV show featuring Mateo acoustic versions with a much younger Javi.  He decided to start with them because he was also curious about Mateo

He watched Besame first.  Of course, he had to look up what the lyrics were to understand the meaning, but he started with just the title, Kiss Me, and started watching the video.  It totally blew him away!  He couldn’t keep his eyes in one place.  This group was so tight and performed beautifully, but he really just wanted to watch Javi…and listen, and watch, and watch, and listen….then he paused it a few times and slowed it down.  He, and he assumed Antonio from what Javi had told him, had great harmonies.  And Javi’s vibrato…but what Kurt could not stop thinking about as he watched were his mannerisms, the sensual way he used his hands, the way he closed his eyes, and his eyelashes….and that eye thing he did just like last night.  Like he was looking right into everything that was you.  He actually paused the video at 2:29 and 3:13 to see it again.  What Kurt didn’t seem to realize was he had this very same “eye thing” as he called it going on.  He did it without even realizing, but Javi had taken notice.  Javi was wearing a jacket very similar to the one he’d worn last night, except this one wasn’t leather.  He moved on to two other videos in the series.  He had all night; he didn’t need to rush anything. 

He watched Collecionista De Canciones (Song Collector) next, first looking up the lyrics.  It was basically a song about where the inspiration for your passions came from and what that meant, in this case music.  Again, he tried to remain focused on the group together to get a feel for the song, but it wasn’t easy.  Javi was so much a part of this intimate video, just like the first one.  He made it through once and then focused on Javi.  These guys had a thing about breathing, about using breathing to really enhance the song, and in this song in particular it seemed.  Every time Javi took a breath, Kurt took one, too, oblivious to what he was doing.  Talk about making a song meaningful and sexy, even when sexy wasn’t really intended.  Just watching the man move and express himself was almost too much at times.  Infatuation, Kurt, infatuation, he kept reminding himself, although it did little good.  The last one he watched in the series was Mientes (You Lie).  It was no wonder this group had won so many awards.  He was totally enthralled and he didn’t understand a single word, but then Spanish was often called the language of love.  And there was that smile at the very end, if you were watching only Javi, that is.

The next time he looked at his phone, it was midnight.  I’ve spent 7 hours watching videos of someone I barely know?  Of course, it was a great way to get to know someone you really liked, their ideas of music, how to entertain, knowing what to wear and what to do.  It was also an even better way to give a person some insight into what might be part of one’s future….the profession, not the subject of the videos.  Oh, who was he kidding?

He’d watched mostly the videos of the time Javi had spent with Mateo.  He thought it was as good a way as any to learn about someone, start at their musical beginnings.  If Kurt was nothing else, he was methodical.  He’d watched how Mateo had evolved and Javi with it.  He’d been even younger than Kurt when he’d started out with that group and they had been thrust into fame with their first album, Todo Cambio (Everything Changed), and it certainly had changed their entire lives.  That first release had brought them all kinds of Latin American awards as well as being lauded in the US.  

But in watching what had really struck him was the evolving relationship between Antonio and Javi.  Or was he imagining it?  He went back and watched some of what he felt were key videos.  No, he wasn’t imagining it and he wasn’t making it up.  They had talked little about past relationships.  Javi had only mentioned Antonio in passing as the person who conceived the idea and his asking Javi to join, along with Rodrigo, who Javi said was a genius on the guitar.  He said it was one of the best decisions he ever made and then moved on to other topics.  

Watching them grow as a group and individuals was sort of mesmerizing.  He just shook his head.  Mesmerizing, especially if you were totally smitten with one of the members.  He knew all band members had cues for others in the band so that they knew in which direction they might be taking the song.  It could be a bit different every time.  They became very accomplished at that aspect of performing over those 7 years.  Yet, there was something almost insular after a while between Antonio and Javi, and even Rodrigo to some extent.  

Antonio could be intense and extremely passionate, not only in his singing but his piano playing.  Just watching him was similar to observing someone take every ounce of energy and his life’s meaning and pouring it into that piano and the song lyrics.  It was like he almost became at one with them.  Javi’s intensity and passion were almost the direct opposite.  Watching him was like observing a person immerse themselves in a vessel of different colors and words combined with an ardor and sensuality unique to him.  Javi had mentioned they also wrote songs together and that would definitely draw them closer to each other.  And after a while, it didn’t matter if they were singing ballads or rapping or rocking, they seemed to bring out the passion in each other.  They had a way of looking at each other without appearing to actually be looking.  And in their shows, the lineup rarely changed.  Antonio on piano, Rodrigo in the middle and Javi as lead singer.  After watching so many times, it was almost like Rodrigo was an undisturbed, peaceful conduit between Antonio and Javi.  Rodrigo did one thing and he did it very well – he played guitar like the genius Javi had credited him as being.

So hard to explain, but after all those videos, he knew love when he saw it.  He even felt a hint of jealousy. He missed having someone look at him as if he were the only person in the world that mattered.  It wasn’t that long ago that he thought he’d found his soulmate, too.  Back in New York, back in Lima.  Then he remembered that Antonio and Javi had not been together for over 7 years.  He didn’t know what had happened, yet he hoped to find out.  They both had their stories to tell, but that could wait for another time. And just because Kurt was Kurt, Kurt the Cautious just had to say, “If there is another time.”